


The Ripples Beyond Echo

by KholdMalik



Category: Echo (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bondage, But they're still miserable, Chase will be fine by the end, Don't worry, Fan Characters, Friends to Lovers, He's not the main focus tho, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Echo, Rimming, Slit Fucking, Slurs, Suicide Attempt, TJ's route alternate ending AU, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2020-05-16 19:56:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 47
Words: 287,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19325020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KholdMalik/pseuds/KholdMalik
Summary: It's been almost two years since the last hysteria in Echo. Two years since TJ saved Flynn from drowning.As much as they're glad everyone lived, neither can move on. And their crippling depression makes even the daily grind feel like a massive chore. Still, TJ feels the need to make things right.Eventually, both of them realize they might have been great friends all along, had things been different...





	1. Messages

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, I've decided to go on ahead and write a sequel to Ripple Effect. I recommend reading it first to understand a few mentions of this one, though a skim through the tags should suffice.
> 
> Again, I'd like to thank my friend Garus(Toska), Ren (the Horse King), my wonderful boyfriend, a few of my rp buddies, my sister May and everyone who's helped me reading, suggesting changes or correcting my spelling mistakes.

**Messages**

 

_From: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_To: mangafennec@fmail.com, tobiasjhess@fmail.com, icecreamman@eglm.com_

_Subject: Finally._

_Read: 17 months ago._

 

_You win. I've finally gone ahead and set up this shit like you guys wanted me to. Happy?_

_Down here in Echo, things are pretty much as you'd expect. Nine months and we're still picking up the pieces. Leo's become a fucking hermit, I think he's trying to accept all that had happened. I do know he still talks with that musky asshole sometimes._

_On my side, my aunt's been planning to leave this shithole soon. I'm still considering if I'll follow her or try to make my own life somewhere. I guess joining' the military's not an option right now. Don't get me wrong, I'd still love it, but there's a few things coming up that would prevent me from doin' it. To be honest, I've felt like doing nothing at all lately (maybe I've spent too much time with Carl)._

_With that out of the way, how are you guys doin'? I've heard TJ's moved in with Jenna, is that true? I may pay you guys a visit sometime, I dunno. I still have some shit to finish here before I see what I'm doing next._

 

_From: tobiasjhess@fmail.com_

_To: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_Subject: re:Finally._

_Read: 17 months ago._

 

_Hello, Flynn. I'm glad you're doing alright. We've been fine. Yes, I have decided to move to Pueblo when I graduated last semester. Got myself a job as the team's physiotherapist at the Pueblo Furies. They're a small team, but I've befriended most of them._

_Chase has been working for a small sports newspaper. I've seen him in the games a couple of times, but did not have the chance to talk to him. That's fine, though._

_And, yes, Jenna and I are roommates now. She's working to open her own clinic with a senior she had met at college. And it would be great if you came for a visit sometime. We could go out to the mall, watch a movie or something like that. Carl's here, he's saying 'hello' and said that he's not surprised you have some 'crap' to finish there._

_I hope you and Leo feel better soon. God bless!_

 

_From: mangafennec@fmail.com_

_To: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_Subject: re:Finally._

_Read: 17 months ago._

 

_Welcome to the internet, Flynn. About time you've decided to join the modern world!_

_Sure, there's even easier ways to chat, but considering how old your phone is, I doubt you'd be at the level of using Disorder or Telegraph yet. Baby steps._

_I've spoken to Carla, my colleague that graduated before me. We've finally secured a small loan to open our own clinic. If you need someone to talk to and happen to be around, I'd happily refer you to her._

_I have to say, though, things are a little awkward between us sometimes. TJ's job means he has to see Chase very often. While we can be in each other's presence just fine, it still feels off. And only I can see how he feels once we get home and he thinks nobody's looking. Carl's been a little busy with his arts major lately. I think he's gonna be a graphic designer or something like that. He's got a knack for quite a few different kinds of art, so even he's not really sure what he'll focus on. It's bad because he's been busy lately and, when not isolating himself in his dorm to study or decompress, he's in therapy or class. Either case, that leaves me as the only friendly face Toby sees lately._

_I never thought I'd say this, but I think that, if you came over for a visit, it could do him some good. Just make sure to not mock his beliefs again, alright? Not being the giant jerk I thought you were does not make you less of a jerk sometimes._

 

_From: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_To: mangafennec@fmail.com_

_Subject: re:re:Finally._

_Read: 17 months ago._

 

_How very you to give backhanded compliments and faint praise. I've almost forgotten how much of a fucking narcissist you are. I'm still glad you're opening your own business. I hope it goes alright for ya._

_Speaking of which, you girls barely opened the doors to your clinic and are already advertising to me? I'm not nuts, Jenna, I don't need a shrink. I just haven't been feeling well lately, that's all._

_Of course things get fucking awkward with Chase. How wouldn't they? It surprises me you guys are still civil with him. It had taken all my self control that day you left for me to accept TJ's invitation to have a final chat with him._

_Yeah, I'll drop by sometime. I still have to get some shit done._

 

_From: mangafennec@fmail.com_

_To: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_Subject: re:re:re:Finally._

_Read: 16 months ago._

 

_Classic Flynn: I offer some help and you decide to be hostile. You're welcome._

_As much as it pains me to say it, we worry about you, that's all. Keeping your pain to yourself doesn't make you any better than anyone else. Just makes you suffer._

_We're civil with him because we don't want to escalate the situation, Flynn. You are more mature than that, so I think you know the answer to your question. Still, I'll give you a pass on account of how you’re feeling._

_And I'm glad. Like I said, TJ might be happy to see you. Carl definitely will._

 

_From: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_To: mangafennec@fmail.com_

_Subject: re:re:re:Finally._

_Read: 16 months ago._

 

_"Keeping my suffering to myself is bad," well, excuse me. Whenever I voiced out how I felt back in Echo, you guys would fucking gang up on me. You can be so full of shit sometimes, y'know? I know you think I don't acknowledge my flaws. But can you even do that yourself?_

_We've both been assholes for a long time. Both to each other and to some of our friends._

_Nevermind. Just tell Carl and Teej I said 'hi'. I'll be in Echo for a few more months._

 

_From: tobiasjhess@fmail.com_

_To: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_Subject: You okay?_

_Read: 15 months ago._

 

_Look, I don't know what happened between you and Jenna, but you haven't been answering my texts, so I'm a little worried._

_I'm sorry that things haven't been going well between you two. If you want, I can try to smooth things over._

_I hope you're doing better now. God bless._

 

_From: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_To: tobiasjhess@fmail.com_

_Subject: re:You okay?_

_Read: 15 months ago._

 

_It's alright, Teej. We just got into an argument, that's all. I didn't answer ya because I've been busy. As one of the few city officials still left, the cops keep fucking pestering me with questions. I can't wait to leave this damn town._

_But don't worry about me and Jenna. I hope you guys are doing alright._

 

_From: mangafennec@fmail.com_

_To: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_Subject: Sorry._

_Read: 15 months ago._

 

_Look, Flynn, I've given this some thought and... while I don't think you're right on everything, I do agree you have a point. I'm sorry._

_I know it may sound weird for me to be saying this, but the truth is I still worry about you. As much of a pain you can be at times, you deserve better._

 

_From: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_To: mangafennec@fmail.com_

_Subject: re:Sorry._

_Read: 14 months ago._

 

_It's alright, Jenna. I was being pretty shitty too. But you know how it is... old habits die hard._

 

_From: mangafennec@fmail.com_

_To: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_Subject: re:re:Sorry._

_Read: 14 months ago._

 

_Yeah, that’s true. I could say the same here. Just take care, alright?_

 

_From: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_To: tobiasjhess@fmail.com, mangafennec@fmail.com, icecreamman@eglm.com_

_Subject: Announcement._

_Read: 12 months ago._

 

_Alright, guys, this is it. I'm gettin' out of this shithole for good. I'm gonna move to Pueblo. I figured that it's better to spend time with my friends and Carl than to go up north where I know nobody._

 

_From: icecreamman@eglm.com_

_To: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_Subject: re:Announcement._

_Read: 12 months ago._

 

_"my friends and Carl"? Fuck you, Flynn. You just don't wanna tell them how much you love me, l o l._

_tell me when you're leaving. I hope you have a safe trip._

 

_From: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_To: icecreamman@eglm.com_

_Subject: re:re:Announcement._

_Read: 11 months ago._

 

 _You sure you wanna use 'you', 'me', 'love', and 'fuck' in the same phrase, fatty? I didn't know you really missed me_ that _much._

_I'm leaving by saturday. Thanks man, I'll tell ya when I arrive._

 

_From: mangafennec@fmail.com_

_To: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_Subject: re:Announcement._

_Read: 11 months ago._

 

_I knew you wouldn't be able to keep away from us! TJ's happy with the news. I'm sure he's gonna write you a message once he gets home from work._

_We'll help set you up. I just hope you don't mind getting a job a little down the drain. The economy's been a little on the down side._

_Hope to see you soon!_

 

_From: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_To: mangafennec@fmail.com_

_Subject: re:re:Announcement._

_Read: 11 months ago._

 

_Thanks. And no, I don't mind. It's better to work a shitty job than be homeless, that's for sure._

 

_From: tobiasjhess@fmail.com_

_To: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_Subject: re:Announcement._

_Read: 11 months ago._

 

_That’s great news! Have a safe trip, Flynn. I’ll be praying for you!_

 

_From: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_To: tobiasjhess@fmail.com, mangafennec@fmail.com, icecreamman@eglm.com_

_Subject: Leaving._

_Read: 10 months ago._

 

_I leave today. See you guys when I get there._

 

_From: icecreamman@eglm.com_

_To: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_Subject: re:Announcement._

_Read: 10 months ago._

 

_hey man, you haven't been around since yesterday. what happened?_

_TJ's worried sick about you. I'm worried about you!_

_we spoke to Jenna, Leo and even Chase and no one knows what happened to you._

_come on man, answer my texts._

 

_From: tobiasjhess@fmail.com_

_To: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_Subject: re:Leaving._

_Read: 10 months ago._

 

_Hey, Flynn, how have you been? You haven't written anything since your last message. It's been a couple of days now and we're getting very concerned. Can you call me when you're free?_

_Stay safe and God bless._

 

_From: tobiasjhess@fmail.com_

_To: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_Subject: Worried._

_Read: 9 months ago._

 

_You haven't answered our texts and when we call you, we get a recording that says your number is unavailable. Are you alright? I'm worried about you. Jenna said that maybe you're upset or something? Just answer us if you're free, alright? God bless._

 

_From: mangafennec@fmail.com_

_To: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_Subject: Answer me._

_Read: 6 months ago._

 

_Listen, even though I don't want something to be seriously wrong, I hope you're not just leading us on by pretending you were coming and then not doing so just to be a jerk. I hope that not even you would be that selfish._

_If that's the case, then I want you to at least answer me why'd you do that. I know Tobias had hidden what happened at the lake from you, but he also saved your life. You owe him more than this crap._

_I'm going to try and contact your aunt. I'll also see if I can find any news on roadside accidents. If this is a joke to you, it’s not very funny. TJ's devastated._

 

_From: tobiasjhess@fmail.com_

_To: fmoore34@sclymail.com_

_Subject: Hello?_

_Read: 4 months ago._

 

_We managed to find your aunt through Muzzlebook and even she has no idea where you could have gone to. Leo said you did leave town. And there had been no news of any accidents on the way here from Arizona._

_You didn't want to come, did you? Did you join the military? If so, I at least hope you stay safe._

_God bless you, Flynn. And I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. So sorry._

_I wish you the best._

 

_\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

 

TJ sighed and closed the browser, ears hung low. It had been four months since the last time TJ had messaged the person whom he had hoped would become a friend. Every day after work, he would check his phone, email, and even mailbox in the hopes of figuring out any kind of news about Flynn. And to see none always made his heart sink.

 

Since he had graduated, his job had been easy enough. He liked to help people, especially athletes, with their injuries. It would be horrible if they ever lost their careers due to an accident. TJ himself knew  too well what it felt like to have his dreams crushed.

 

Despite at first being content enough and, later, being able to distract himself with his job, he could not help but notice his performance had dropped. He had a tendency to let his mind wander, to get distracted, to daydream. Sometimes, his thoughts would drift to events that would make him have to excuse himself to the bathroom and cry.

 

Jenna had advised him to seek therapy, but he didn’t see the point. Who would believe him anyway? None of his friends did. And it would be difficult to explain his other past traumas without touching on the subject of what had happened to Sydney.

 

He wondered if that anguish, that anxiety for answers, was Flynn's way of showing him how Flynn himself had felt for those thirteen years. Tears welled in his eyes and he was on the verge of crying, when his phone buzzed.

 

Sniffling, the lynx picked it up. It was a text from Jenna, with an image attached. TJ opened it and read the message.

 

_"Guess who I've just found working as security in the mall?"_

 

The picture depicted a gila monster wearing a security guard's uniform.The gila in question was tall, with blue-green, almost aqua-colored eyes, and a brooding, grumpy expression, halfway turned from picture’s angle. He was being talked to by another security guard. He was a few pounds over what TJ  had remembered, his eyes having slight bags beneath them, betraying a hint of exhaustion, and his arms were slightly thicker with both muscle and fat. But there was no doubt who it was, TJ realized while letting out a sob he had been holding back, his mouth betraying the hint of a smile.


	2. An Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief glimpse on Flynn's latest career choice, before a friend not so cordially invites him for dinner.

**An Invitation  
**

 

Flynn’s feet felt like shit. It had been eleven months and he still wasn’t used to standing up for hours without any rest. He wondered how his fatter colleagues seemed to do it so easily.

 

Speaking of ‘fat’ and ‘colleagues,’ his direct superior, an overweight black and white tegu lizard - Security Chief Luiz Maldonado - was in the middle of training him how to spot shoplifters. As much as he had to go through basic training to get his certificate, his boss insisted on what he called ‘constant learning.’ Flynn did not enjoy being told something he already knew, but he couldn’t do anything about that. He was not in a small town anymore, under his aunt’s wing - as his boss so kindly reminded him more than once. Still, he supposed the optional physical training, which he had always found an excuse to skip, would have been useful if he had wanted to keep his fit appearance - even gain some muscle. Sadly, Flynn knew he did not feel like doing anything.

 

All his energy was barely enough to get  him to show up for work everyday.

 

It was mid-afternoon of a cool autumn day, a thin rain had just finished falling and it meant not many people would come to the mall today - but that those already inside would likely find an excuse to prolong their stay so they wouldn’t get rained on. He never liked the odd smell of cleaning chemicals and people that every single mall appeared to have. And the gaudy, pastel-coloured storefronts, the noise, the people themselves and, most of all, the amount of unnecessarily bright lights greatly bothered him. He now figured why his boss and a few of his colleagues wore aviators indoors.

 

Speaking of his boss, the large, overweight tegu lizard was now talking about his personal life. Flynn resisted the urge to sigh. It was not that he was a bad person, but he had been trying too hard to get the gila to open up, seemingly oblivious to how horrible he had been feeling as of late.

 

He had been in Pueblo for almost a year by now. Any trace of optimism he might have had when he started his move was gone, likely to the same place whoever stole his stuff while he slept in a cheap motel had gone.

 

He had been broke, penniless, in a strange town. Sure, Flynn knew he could try going to his friends, but truth was he did not feel like begging them for aid. He knew his pride was one of his biggest flaws, but it had been more than that. Flynn had the distinct notion life had been throwing everything it had at him. He felt trapped in a cycle where nothing he did would have mattered, despite knowing, deep down, he could have gotten out of his situation earlier.

 

Truly, he felt like doing nothing at all.

 

His attention shifted back to his boss. He knew Luiz would pick up on his daydreaming and call him out on it sooner or later.

 

“...I then thought ‘nice, cool, since we have Monday off, that means I can fuck him to my heart’s content’,” Luiz had been caught up talking about his husband. At least, Flynn thought, the fat lizard wouldn’t judge him for that, “but then guess what? The _puto_ motherfucker just _had_ to spend the entire fucking Sunday at the goddamn church. I love him, but damn, I hate superstition.”

 

Flynn had to chuckle at that. Despite being tiresome with his friendliness, his boss agreed with him on many things. And he could not deny, the older lizard had done quite a few favors for him.

 

“By the way, how was your weekend? Did things work out with that guy I set you with… Luther, wasn’t it? Big bulky eagle?” Speaking of favors…

 

“Yeah. And no… it was a nice fuck, but it’s just…” Flynn trailed off. While, before he left Echo, he was just starting to get less and less pleasure from his activities in the Smoke Room, as of late, sex had felt about as good as a quick jerking session. His boss nodded in an understanding manner.

 

Flynn knew he had to excuse himself soon to make one last round around the parking lot. One month into his job, a colleague from the night shift had found a hobo, dead of an overdose behind a dumpster and, since then, Mr. Maitland, the owner of KWest Mall, had demanded them to check multiple times, day and night, to make sure nobody would crawl to one of the many nooks around the property and stay there - living or dead. Just as well for all the guards working in the mall, since it gave them an excuse to go outside and smoke.

 

It was then when he felt someone approaching behind him. He turned around, ready to answer whatever stupid question a shopper was about to ask, when he looked down to focus on the newcomer. His heart sunk.

 

“Where have you been all this time, huh?” Jenna stood there, wearing jeans, a black t-shirt and a green hoodie with some fake fur around its edges, her purse firmly tucked beneath one of her crossed arms. For someone so small, she did a great job  glaring daggers at Flynn, as if _he_ were the one at risk of being thrown out. Considering the situation could escalate and cost his job, he may as well be.

 

Flynn sighed. “Damn, Jenna, not now. Can’t you see I’m working here?”

 

The fennec snorted, “Seriously?  How long have you been here? Do you have any idea how much we’ve been worried sick over you?!? Carl was starting to do better until you went missing! TJ had been excited to see you, I don’t know why, but he cried - he actually cried - after the fifth month you up and vanished! Your family was worried! Even Leo had been worried! What’s that all about? Was it part of your plan to get back at us for being mean to you? Huh? TJ’s been blaming himself for what happened!”

 

By now, most of the nearby shoppers were throwing glances at the scene. Flynn held his open hands at Jenna in an attempt to calm her down. A couple of shoppers did stop to watch the scene, but quickly left once his boss had a few words with them. All the while, Jenna had been hurling accusations at him.

 

And, deep down, he knew he deserved them. Regardless of the fact he didn’t want to hurt them. Not on purpose.

 

Flynn just wanted to disappear.

 

And, right at this very moment, he wanted that more than anything. Jenna continued her rant.

 

“Come on, answer me, Flynn! I can’t believe even now you would be so cruel to do something like that. You have no idea how many nights we’ve lost over you! What do you have to say for yourself?”

 

The gila took a deep breath. He had never liked to apologize. It had even pained him to do that with TJ in the hospital, after the little guy had saved him. “Look, I’m fucking sorry, okay? But don’t do this to me right now!”

 

“Well, being sorry won’t fix what yo-” Jenna was cut in mid-answer by Luiz’s hand tapping her on the shoulder. She turned around to face him and, for a moment, Flynn almost thought she would strike the fat lizard. Luiz looked down at the fennec with a surprisingly stoic expression.

 

“Ma’am, if this man has caused you any grievances, we’ll be happy to help solve it to our mutual satisfaction. But for now… come with me.”

 

Jenna pulled away from him and was ready to say something, when the tall tegu leaned down and whispered something in her ear. Her ears twitched and she looked at Flynn, then back at his boss and nodded. “Okay.”

 

They walked down to a small corridor leading to the door outside, and Flynn had to strain in order to hear what his boss was telling the small female. Eventually, the crowd began moving out from around him  and he could hear him more clearly.

 

“...so, I’ve found him sleeping in his truck, in the parking lot. I had half a mind to throw him out for being some kind of hobo, but, eh, I’ve been there before. So I woke him up and kinda had to force him to tell what happened. Apparently, some asshole stole his U-Haul. He looked a little down in the dumps, so I showed him a local pawn shop so he could pawn his watch and his phone, know, since I didn’t have the _dólares_ to lend him. My generosity - just like my wage - has limits.” Luiz chuckled and Jenna nodded.

 

A few more people passed by and Flynn groaned. He did not like that someone had been chatting about his private life to a third party. But, this time, he had to accept it, even though not being able to show how he felt about it was what angered him the most. His boss’ words from his first day on the job came back to him: _‘You’re not the mayor’s nephew and you’re not in some backwater shithole anymore. You dance to the tune the bigger fish play or we’ll eat you up.’_

 

And he had almost been fired once by Mr. Maitland himself, so he knew it was no joke. The small crowd of shoppers had moved away by now and he could continue spying on the conversation.

 

“...then I had to practically force the stubborn _idiota_ to let me pay for his lunch. I talked and finally got some information outta him, so I’ve decided to go nag my boss to add him to the team. Specially since two other guards have quit. One retired and the other landed himself some cushy job in Denver. But that’s another story. So, yeah, he was ashamed, alright.” Luiz leaned in and whispered something else on Jenna’s ear. While Flynn liked the way she looked embarrassed as she heard about his woes, the look she gave  him now did nothing but fill him with anger - at her, at his boss, and, mostly, at himself.

 

It was pity.

 

They walked back towards him. The fennec now looking down, her eyes darting left and right, and Flynn knew she was looking for words. Eventually, she looked up at him, her features schooled into her typical neutral expression.

 

“Look, I’m sorry, Flynn. I didn’t know… I didn’t know why you’ve decided to not come visit us, but I won’t hold that against you. But you should at least drop by and say ‘hello’ to Carl and Tobias. They don’t deserve to be left hanging like this, Flynn. I know we’ve never seen eye to eye that well, but do it for them, will you?”

 

Flynn was about to answer when they heard the unmistakable sound of a male clearing their throat to draw their attention. Both turned to the source of the noise and saw a lean, white-cream colored goat, appearing to be in his late 30s or early 40s, standing there with his hands on his waist. The way he wore black dress pants, button-up white shirt and a red tie with his rectangular glasses had always made Flynn wonder if Mr. Maitland had been the class nerd in school. The only signs of informality on Mr. Maitland’s usual looks were his rather long, light brown headfur tied into a ponytail and his goatee, which he often rubbed and stroked when deep in thought. The goat’s features were locked into the usual scowl he always held when seeing something he did not approve of - which had always been almost everything.

 

“I did not realize you were still in your lunch break, Mr. Moore,” Mr. Maitland started, now straightening himself, even if he barely reached past the gila’s chest - not counting his horns - as an attempt to stare down at him, “I suppose you would like to have those latest…” he looked at his wrist watch, “thirteen minutes cut from your break tomorrow?”

 

The way he cocked his head to look at Flynn sideways with one eyebrow raised had always made him wish he could punch the caprine in the face. Realization dawned on Jenna that this was Flynn’s boss. Or rather, Luiz’s boss. She quickly moved in to try and remedy the situation.

 

“Well, I just asked this security officer where the bathroom was.” Her ears lowered.

 

Mr. Maitland smirked. “Young lady, I have seen you coming to this mall since about…” and there he went stroking his goatee again, “one year or so ago. You come here every autumn to buy winter clothes at discount before the prices go up for actual winter. And, from the way you were speaking - which I could hear - I’d say you are either friends or perhaps former lovers.”

 

“Ehhhh!” Luiz made a beeping noise, prompting the goat to shoot an indignant glare at him. The tegu smiled. “Wrong! They are friends, alright. But come on, Mr. Maitland,” the large lizard wrapped one arm around the goat’s shoulder, pulling him away from the two younger friends, “y’know what it’s like when young people from backwater towns get when they move to a bigger city - cut ‘im some slack, will ya? Besides… how was your Sunday?”

 

The goat glared back at Flynn, but Luiz now followed his gaze. “Flynn, go do your rounds at the parking lot. Chop, chop!”

 

The gila resisted the urge to smirk. For some reason, Maitland had always put up with the older reptile. From what he could see, he was an excellent professional when he needed to be. All four of them knew he had just given an excuse for him and Jenna to go have a chat without the boss interrupting it.

 

The air outside had been cold and crisp, a slight hint of mildew, asphalt and smoke perfuming the late afternoon, like in most cities. Flynn shivered in his too-thin blue uniform shirt, but it was not overwhelmingly cold, so he endured it. Jenna and Flynn took a few steps and stopped by a vending machine, Flynn’s hands shoved in his pockets.

 

“As I was saying,” Jenna continued without beating around the bush, “Carl and Teej would like to see you again. I’m sure Leo would want to know you’re doing well. And your family.”

 

Flynn nodded and sighed. He needed a cigarette, a toothpick, anything that could help alleviate the anxiety he felt building up within his chest. “I know. When d’ya think it’ll be a good time?”

 

The fennec shrugged. “I could arrange it for tonight, after you’re off, if you want to. You know how Carl is. If I tell him, he’ll drop by fast. Do you have a new phone?”

 

“On my salary,” he snorted, “no fucking way.”

 

“Alright, so hold on,” Jenna picked her purse and spent a few moments looking for something, before taking a small notepad and a red pen, jotting something down on it and ripping the page off, handing it to Flynn. He looked down to read it:

 

_“Absynthe Apartments, 900 W Abriendo Ave, Apartment #217’’_

  
  
“I’ll be there.” He pocketed the note.

 

“Well, I’ll be calling them once I get home. Take care, Flynn. As much as it pains me to say it, I worry about you.”

 

Flynn chuckled mirthlessly. “Heh, thanks. I’ll be there.”

 

They said their goodbyes and Flynn walked back into the warm interior of  KWest mall, being pleased to notice Mr. Maitland was gone and his supervisor had been talking to another trainee.

 

He looked back at the note, written in Jenna’s meticulous, girly handwriting, and sighed, his smile dropping. He really wanted to see Carl and, oddly enough, TJ too. But he could not bear the possibility of getting looks of pity from either of them. To be asked the same damn questions everyone always asked someone in his situation. Most of all, he could not bear being awake longer than he needed to.

 

He pat his belly. He knew he had gained some weight since the last hysteria incident. Carl would certainly joke about that and, while he wouldn’t really mind had he been in a better mood, Flynn knew it’d be hard to not tell the ram in no uncertain terms to fuck off. Losing weight would be relatively easy: Just going back to eating actually cooked food, a bit of jogging, and perhaps even attending the physical training classes. But he had no energy for any of that.

 

Flynn sighed and looked at his reflection on the mall’s doors, seeing a tired, weary, and defeated gila staring back at him. What had he became?

 

And how to drag himself out of that?

 

He pulled back and schooled his features into his usual brooding expression, walking deeper inside the mall, mind half-aware of his rounds’ path. He knew that, to take himself out of the bottom of the pit, he had no choice but to try and climb out of it. Regardless of how damn tired of it all he was. He felt something in his hand and opened it to see he had crumbled the note without even noticing.

 

He looked at the written address there once more. He had to try and climb out of the pit, regardless of how hard it would be. And this could be as good of a first step as any.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter, just so we see how Flynn's doing in his new, wonderful career choice.


	3. Reacquainted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ is anxious about the incoming dinner with Carl, Jenna and Flynn.

**Reacquainted**

 

“Jenna, could you get the door, please?” TJ called from the modestly-sized square table they had right in front of their small kitchen, where he had been busy with squeezing some oranges to make juice. The last person who lived in their current apartment had done away with the counter which separated the small living room from it, so they could have space for a table and, while it was not really his style, TJ had to admit it would make having dinner together much better.

 

He was never the kind of guy who liked the raising trend of people just grabbing their food and going to somewhere else to sit and eat. Call him old-fashioned, but TJ had been raised to see meal time as a way to socialize with family and friends, rather than just a mechanical activity for survival.

 

“TJ, it’s gonna be $11,99 for each of us, alright?” Jenna told him from the door. The lynx could tell by the smell that the pizzas had arrived. Carl had been sitting on the couch, and moved to the door, wallet in hand. They then started to discuss who would pay for it. TJ ignored most of their banter.

 

He had never been much of a cook. And Jenna and Carl wouldn’t be able to make anything other than instant ramen. Considering Flynn would be coming - and they knew he cooked rather well - they had figured the best way to go with it would be to play safe and order something. Sadly, they only could afford about three cheap pizzas on their budget. Even though Carl had footed the price of one whole pizza for himself, they knew they had to save every penny they could - and they had refused to take the ram’s earlier offer to pay for it all. It just would not have been fair.

 

Flynn had never been fond of fatty foods, but considering how he looked like and what Jenna had told him, he had let himself go somewhat.

 

In a way, so did TJ. He only groomed himself because he knew Jenna would get on his case if he ever broke away from his routine. Deep down, he knew it did more harm than good, to be in denial, to  force himself to act like everything was normal every day. But it did put his friends at ease. God knows, he was already a bit of a burden by living with her. He knew she had put a few of her plans on hold just so she could be there for him, and for that he felt immensely thankful… and equally as guilty.

 

“Alright, alright,” Carl grinned broadly and brought the three large boxes, the unmistakable smell of baked pizza dough, cheese and olive oil wafting from them, and placed them near the center of the table, almost knocking the jar of freshly-squeezed juice off the table. TJ lowered his ears and pushed it against the stacked boxes until he was satisfied it would not be in risk of falling again and nodded with a slight smile. He then moved to help Jenna grab the plates and glasses.

 

He had to admit to himself; he was anxious. Had it not been Jenna who brought him the news, TJ would not have believed what he had been told about Flynn. He had remembered the gila had sounded determined, even somewhat optimistic in their last few conversations before he spent that long period in silence. Even in the rare times he had actually called the lizard, while the usual rudeness was present, Flynn’s tone was almost devoid of the past bitterness or malice. He had genuinely sounded hopeful.

 

Of course, perhaps he had been barely holding on and losing everything right when he moved out of his comfort zone, even if said ‘comfort zone’ had been all about suffering in silence, and attempting to get a decent future might have been the last straw.

 

TJ was not as naive as everyone thought. While he certainly did not have the… cynicism everyone, even Carl, had to figure people’s ulterior motivations, he still could read others reasonably well. He knew Flynn had been miserable for about as long as they knew each other. All of them were.

 

But while himself, Jenna, Chase and - recently - Carl had made attempts to move on, Flynn had been one to remain stuck in the past. A pang of guilt hit him, once he realized he had been partially to blame.

 

“Earth to TJ,” Carl waved his hand in front of the lynx and TJ blinked. “Huh?”

 

“You were standing there holding those glasses for a few minutes, dude,” Carl smiled, but it was forced. Jenna watched him with genuine concern, “are you alright?”

 

“Ah, sorry,” TJ placed the glasses on the table and took a deep breath, “just tired, that’s all. And thinking.”

 

“You’re anxious about this, aren’t you?” Jenna asked, sitting right in front of him, her expression neutral.

 

“A little, yeah. But in a good way,” TJ did not lie. He just did not tell everything he had been feeling.

 

Jenna blinked, but continued to stare at him for a few more seconds, before shrugging. She had always thought she could read people well and TJ knew that, while she was highly intelligent, she wasn’t as perceptive as she thought she was. He had learned how to hide his actual feelings from her a long time ago.

 

Jenna and Carl quickly went back to talking about this and that, and TJ allowed his thoughts to wander again. If Flynn had been feeling awful enough to stop caring for himself, then he needed some kind of help, and soon. TJ resolved that, regardless of their past, he would do his best to help him get through it. Maybe he should talk to Jenna about it as well. She always had  good advice on such topics, when she was not busy accusing or presuming things about people. The lynx could not help but snort a chuckle, which only earned him a brief look from his two friends.

 

The doorbell rang and Carl instantly jumped to his hooves. TJ followed suit and they moved to the door. TJ’s heart was pounding - he always had been anxious when he knew he would be meeting Flynn. It had been that way since Sydney’s death.

 

The door opened and there he stood. Still wearing the blue and black uniform he had on, except now he had a brown coat over his blue shirt - which had been unbuttoned on the chest. His hat and gear were nowhere to be seen - likely he had left them in his car, if he still had it. Up close, TJ could see just how tired the lizard looked.

 

He had the defeated look of someone who had given up on living and merely existed day-to-day. TJ could understand that feeling all too well.

 

His thoughts were brought to an end by Carl glomping his friend as soon as Flynn stepped in, somehow managing to lift the tall gila a little in his tight bearhug. Flynn, obviously, chastised Carl, but he could see a hint of joy briefly flash on the lizard’s face, before he resumed his tired demeanor when Carl let him go. He nodded at Jenna in greeting, before turning his gaze squarely at TJ.

 

“Hey, Teej…” he sounded a little nervous as well, “I’m sorry I took so fucking long to answer your message.”

 

TJ swallowed and licked his black lips. They felt dry, specially with the fur brushing against his tongue. “It’s alright, we know you had your reasons. I’m just happy you’re here now. Please, come in!”

 

He closed the door as the lizard walked in, trying to ignore how his voice broke a little as he spoke. To be honest with himself, TJ still felt some resentment over Flynn not talking to him for almost a year, even if he had his own reasons. Still, TJ thought, he should just be glad that his reluctant friend was alive. Only Jenna witnessed how much he had worried over his well-being.

 

The way Flynn briefly glanced at Jenna, who nodded slightly, made it clear he knew she had told both him and Carl what had happened. The gila had a hint of a grimace on his face again, which would be his default expression were not for the bags beneath his eyes and his sighing instead of saying anything snarky.

 

“So,” Flynn walked towards the table without waiting to be invited, now looking at Carl, “how have you been? Aside of still bein’ a lazy fatass,” the gila poked at Carl’s belly.

 

The ram chuckled. “Can’t complain. And being fat can’t be that bad if you’re trying to copy me,” he grinned at that and Flynn scoffed in return. Carl’s ears lowered slightly, “well, I’ve been doing better in college, am still going to the therapy - for all the good that does - and I’ve been clean for a grand total of four days… because I kinda exceeded the legal limit for this state...” The ram let out a self-depreciating chuckle.

 

The tall lizard rolled his eyes, but forced a smirk. “Nice to see you’re tryin’ to make somethin’ with your life. How about you two?” Jenna stopped serving each of them a slice of pizza to look at Flynn, her ears perked up at attention, “how’s your clinic doing?”

 

The fennec had taken a bite of pizza, methodically chewing and swallowing it before answering. “Can’t complain. Business is still a bit slow, I’ve only had about half a dozen patients so far. But we’re getting there. It’s enough to pay the bills, so I’m content for now.”

 

“Ever try advertising?” Carl piped up, already on his third slice, “I could try and give ya a plug on my next vtube video or somethin’.”

 

Now Flynn watched his friend with an incredulous expression. “You? You became one of those fuckin’ idiots who just play games and talk shit thinking they’re funny?”

 

“Hey, it pays well once you go big,” Carl spoke with his mouth still full of half-chewed pizza, before swallowing it. He reached for his juice and took a long swig of the cold beverage. “Already got ninety thousand subscribers.”

 

“I’ve seen it,” TJ said, now everyone looking at him. He blinked and felt odd to be the centre of attention so suddenly, “I, well, since my job depends on helping athletes with their injuries, sometimes I do have enough free time to watch some of his stuff. While I don’t know much about most of the games Carl plays, I think the way he reacts to the horror ones is funny.” TJ smiled at Carl, who seemed to light up with joy at being recognized.

 

“Hey, if ya want, I could give ya my autograph,” the ram quipped.

 

“Heh,” Flynn shook his head, “I’ll never understand the appeal. Though it’s good you’re workin’ with what you wanted to, Teej.”

 

“Thanks. I’m content with my job.” TJ picked at his pizza idly, his claw prodding at a pepperoni. He briefly wondered if Flynn said that because of his former dream of joining the army. A brief scan through the room told him that, judging by Jenna and Carl’s expressions, they were wondering the same.

 

Flynn, on the other hand, had been quietly eating, and they settled into that silence. While TJ had nothing against pleasant silences or enjoying someone’s company, he could feel some of the tension in the air. He knew that they were avoiding talking about the gila’s misfortunes, and the way Flynn avoided eye contact for long, told him he also knew it. Then it dawned on him:

 

Flynn thought they pitied him.

 

Had it been some other time, he was sure Jenna would have felt just that. But it was difficult to tell someone like Flynn they genuinely felt sorry for him. And, right now, it wouldn’t do to just flat-out tell they want to help. Flynn had always been a very proud man, who did not like to show himself being vulnerable.

 

That kind of silence had always bothered TJ more than any rowdy crowd. “So,” he filled his glass of juice and did the same to Flynn and Jenna’s, “I was wondering… how’s your job?”

 

The lizard scoffed and smirked at him. “Oh, it’s like Halloween every fucking day. I get to dress like a cop, despite not being one, and sometimes I even get to boss stupid people around. All for the grand total of two hundred-sixty a week. Best career choice in my fucking life.”

 

“Could be worse,” Jenna pointed out, “You could be unemployed.”

 

“Heh, what the fuck would you know?” Flynn now glared at her. This would escalate.

 

“We don’t mean to offend you, Flynn, it’s just that it’s good you managed to find something. It took a while for any of us to get any kind of job back when we were in college.”

 

Flynn narrowed his eyes at the lynx, and TJ lowered his ears but, against all odds, the lizard closed his eyes, took a sharp breath with his nostrils and exhaled. Jenna seemed less tense as well.

 

The silence reigned over the small room again, and they had already gone through two pizzas. TJ idly wondered if Flynn ever ate as much as he had been eating as of late. And he also could not help but notice he had not made any comment about how greasy the cheap pizzas were.

 

TJ glanced at the clock hanging on the kitchen wall. Nine-thirty-one. He wondered if they were keeping Carl and Flynn late. He knew he and Jenna would likely be tired the next day. Still, if they were, neither of their guests complained.

 

Eventually, they had moved to the futon. Or rather, Carl, and only Carl, was sitting on the futon. Jenna had opted to pick  a chair and Flynn just leaned against the wooden backrest. Some bad action movie was on, and they were making sarcastic remarks about what was going on. Despite the amount of foul language Flynn used being a bit uncomfortable, TJ had to admit it was good to have the four of them together having fun. Plus some of Flynn's commentary genuinely made TJ laugh, to his surprise.

 

Eventually, the movie was over, and they left the television on, mostly as background noise. Flynn and Carl had offered to help clean up the table, but Jenna and himself politely turned it down. It would be an easy matter to just remove four plates and glasses from it, put leftovers in the fridge and drink the last of the juice.

 

TJ had to admit, he hadn’t had such a carefree night in a long time. And he could tell the the other three felt the same.

 

Alas, everything that’s good comes to an end eventually. Around midnight, Carl excused himself, and picked his phone up, calling for a cab. Not fifteen minutes after, one had been honking down below.

 

They stood up and walked with the ram to the door. TJ and Jenna said their goodbyes, but Flynn surprised them by pulling the ram into a hug, smirking and then ruffling his beanie against the ram’s messy headfur. “Take care of yourself, fatty.”

 

Carl briefly looked indignant, before adjusting his beanie and chuckling. “Seeya, chubby. Let’s hang out sometime you’re free, alright? It’s good to see you again, man.”

 

Flynn smiled down at Carl, his face looking a lot more relaxed than when he arrived. “Yeah, good to see you too. Seeya.”

 

Carl waved his hand and proceeded to go down the stairs and cross the street to get into his cab. With one last wave at them, he entered and they were off. Flynn sighed and stretched.

 

“Well, I suppose it’s my turn to leave. Thanks for callin’ me. It’s good to see you again.” He nodded at Jenna, “It’s good to see you too, Teej.”

 

“Wait,” TJ raised his hands and disappeared inside the apartment, before coming back out with one of the pizza boxes. “Take the leftovers with you. Jenna and I wouldn’t be able to take care of them quick enough.”

 

The gila raised his brow and opened his mouth to protest their pity, but just closed it again and nodded. “Thanks. Tryin’ to get me fat, eh?”

 

TJ chuckled, embarrassed, “Um, no? I mean…”

 

Flynn chuckled. “I’m just fuckin’ with ya.” He went to put a reassuring hand on TJ’s shoulder, but the lynx’s ears lowered and he moved away. The lizard raised one eyebrow in surprise at that, but decided to just chalk it up to TJ being anxious. “Well, thanks again. Seeya guys.”

 

With that, Flynn descended the stairs leading to their apartment, entered his battered truck and quickly drove off.

 

Jenna closed the door and sighed. “Well, that went better than expected."

 

TJ’s ears perked up. “Yeah! At least he’s doing well enough.”

 

“But,” Jenna asked. Sometimes, she _was_ right on the money with his true feelings.

 

“But I worry about him,” TJ went to the kitchen and started washing the dishes as Jenna closed the door and turned the TV off, “I mean, you noticed how he’s acting. It’s almost like-”

 

“He’s given up? I know.” The fennec sighed, “I think we should find a way to convince him to go to therapy.”

 

“Not everything’s fixed with therapy, Jenna.” TJ stopped washing the dishes and now stared at his roommate square in the eyes. It had been so sudden even Jenna seemed intimidated and surprised by it.

 

“True, but it helps,” she defended her point, but it was clear she had chosen those words carefully.

 

TJ nodded and went back to doing the dishes. He had finished that task quickly and washed his hands, then went to the bathroom for his usual evening ritual.

 

After doing his business, he entered the shower and sighed as the warm water hit him, matting his fur. His thoughts went straight to his biggest issue at the moment: How could he aid Flynn, help him see the bright side of things, if he himself had been putting on a facade to barely function?

 

The lynx poured the soap on his hands and smeared them until they formed enough suds to clean himself. As he lathered his coat and washed clean every nook and cranny of his furry body, he continued trying to wonder how could he even bother thinking about helping others if he could not help himself. This kind of question used to be one of which he would opt to look to his religion for the answer.

 

His ears lowered. He did not want to believe in these thoughts. He felt guilty and tears welled in his eyes as he leaned against the wall, letting the water cascade on his back and rinse his fur. What if his religion was nothing but a comforting lie? What if there was no God looking out for him? What if he was, indeed, alone?

 

TJ tried to fight a sob, but quickly gave up, freely crying now. He felt alone, weak and defenseless. His eyes now hurt from the soapy water that had flowed into them, same as his nostrils when he used the back of his still soapy paw to wipe the snot from his nose, accidentally breathing some of the soap in.

 

But how could God not be real? How could it be, considering what he had _seen_ in Echo? What he had personally went through? Or was he genuinely crazy? TJ shuddered at these thoughts.

 

It was better to rinse off the soap soon, or Jenna would knock and ask if he was alright. TJ quickly finished his shower and fought the still present urge to cry.

 

He brushed his teeth with the door still closed. He needed time to school his face into one of just being sleepy. He could always excuse his eyes as having accidentally poured shampoo on them.

 

With his teeth clean, he spat the foamy white-cream toothpaste in the sink, turning it on and watching how it perfectly highlighted the swirling whirlpool that sent everything down the drain. _Just like our lives_ , he thought bitterly.

 

TJ dried himself and put on his comfortable set of pajamas before unlocking the door and, sure enough, Jenna had been there, her own pj’s bundled up beneath her left arm, her head cocked a little, as if about to ask how he had been doing.

 

He forced a smile. “All yours. I should wash my head last - I always get soap in my eyes.”

 

The fennec chuckled. “Maybe you should switch to one of those baby shampoos that say they don’t hurt.”

 

“Yeah, but they always do,” he grinned and Jenna chuckled back, before walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind herself. TJ allowed his smile to drop and sighed, entering his room. His kind could see well enough in the darkness, he did not need to turn more than his lamp on.

 

Placing his phone on the charger, he at least knew he wouldn’t be checking his email to see if Flynn had been giving any news tonight. That was a small comfort to him. His thoughts went back to his crisis of faith.

 

 _It couldn’t be like that_ , he decided, he hoped, otherwise, he would be genuinely insane. Or worse - the supernatural would be true only for evil.

 

“It cannot be like that,” he whispered to himself as he kneedled by his neatly-made bed, raising his hands in prayer.

 

“Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name…”

 

_‘There is a God,’_

 

“Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven…”

 

 _‘But what if there’s nothing?’_ TJ grind his teeth and took a deep breath, continuing his prayer.

 

“Give us this day our daily bread.”

 

 _‘Then why so much suffering that’s not our fault?’_ Tears welled in the corner of his eyes for the second time that night.

 

“Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.”

 

 _‘Can you even be forgiven? And Chase? Do you really forgive others? Would you? Does it matter, if there’s nothing?’_ His breath raced, tears now freely ran down his cheeks, but he continued on his knees and, between sobbing breaths, continued.

 

“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil,”

 

 _‘Just like He watched over Sydney? Just like how He watched over you?’_ His thoughts kept coming in, relentless, cruel, cold… and accusing.

 

“For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.”

 

TJ used to feel relief when done praying. As if he somehow had managed to get the Lord’s attention, that he would not be alone. But, since that day, at the lake, he could not shake the feeling that all he had been doing every night was praying to avoid damnation.

 

His parents had raised him telling that God was not cruel, that He was not some kind of hangman judge. But the lynx could not help but feel overwhelmingly guilty about what he almost had done that day.

 

For he was positive that, had it not been the intruding… echo that had acted through him, he would have, indeed, been lying about Flynn’s death right now. Still with Chase, hating him, but only having him to lean on.

 

He tried to console himself. That had not happened. Flynn was alive. Even if traumatized and depressed. But none of this would have happened if he hadn’t been at the lake that fateful day all those years ago.

 

And, either way, knowing Flynn was alive and breathing did not make his nightmares go away. He could still see the lizard’s body floating just barely below the water. He could feel Chase’s arms, wet and slick, around him as he told him it would be alright, that nobody would harm them, that he would protect him, and that they would tell everyone it was self-defense.

 

No matter how much he tried praying it away or reassuring himself Flynn was alive, nothing prevented those dreams, eerily real to him, from tormenting him every other night.

 

TJ laid on his bed for what felt like hours. He had learned to turn his clock away so he couldn’t look at it from his bed. It would make his anxiety get even worse. And he wondered to himself what could he do to finally move on.

 

Perhaps, he thought, he needed to help himself first. And make up for what has happened to Flynn. Despite all he put TJ through, he did not deserve to suffer like that. None of them did. Maybe it’d help with his remorse. Was it selfish to think in such terms? He had to find someone he could ask that without explaining why.

 

And then, too tired to cry, but still feeling miserable nonetheless, TJ finally closed his eyes, sleep born of exhaustion overtaking him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, even the most faithful men doubt their beliefs. And, sometimes, we are our harshest critics.


	4. The Daily Grind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As they reflect about their day-to-day routines in the last two years, Flynn and TJ come to the same conclusion: They have to get themselves out of their own misery (and act now, before they lose any will to do that).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much you guys. Both those who liked it and those who helped me with ideas and suggestions! I hope I can keep you folks enjoying this (and not for unintended reasons XD)

**The Daily Grind**

 

Flynn woke up with the blaring sound of his alarm clock going off. The gila groaned and took a deep breath, before reaching for it and shutting it off. He laid back down on the mattress over the pallets he called a bed and sighed, looking at the peeling fake wood ceiling panel.

 

 _‘Another shit day,’_ he lamented. As much as he had enjoyed the previous night, a few moments of genuine happiness did not remedy the slump he was in any way, he knew that ever since going to the Smoke Room to unwind stopped being satisfying for him.

 

His clock’s alarm went off again - he had set one for ten minutes after the first, so he would get up no matter what. With a moan, the large lizard rolled out of the bed and switched it off again. 

 

Usually, Flynn would just lie down until he absolutely had to leave or risk getting to work late. But yesterday, Luiz had told all other guards to show up a bit earlier so he could announce a few changes in schedule. With a groan, Flynn scraped the sleep off the corners of his eyes with his claws while heading straight to the bathroom for his morning routine. If he were quick about it, he could be able to leave without being forced to deal with his landlord or the crackhead neighbour. What a fucking wonderful life.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

On the western side of the town, TJ left the bathroom of the apartment he shared with his friend Jenna, rubbing one of his eyes. His head hurt slightly from the lack of sleep, but he could tolerate it.

 

Jenna had been busy doing her best attempt at an omelette. TJ greeted her and, although neither of them were the best cooks in the world, he felt hungry enough that his mouth watered at the smell of eggs and cheese being fried. The lynx busied himself with squeezing a few oranges to make more juice.

 

They ate their breakfast in silence. A passing glance at his roommate told TJ that she was not really content with her lot in life. He felt another pang of guilt, but could not do anything about it.

 

At least, that was how he felt.

 

When they were done and finished washing their dishes, they took turns going to the bathroom to finish their own morning ritual. TJ had to go first, since he was needed earlier at the campus’ gym. When he had been done dressing up, he caught a glance at the mirror, clearing up of fog. A miserable lynx stared back at him. He closed his eyes and sighed, before putting on a somewhat timid smile - it was the best he could do, considering how he felt. That would do.

 

With that, he headed out to give Jenna her turn to finish her routine.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Flynn parked his truck in one of the few marked spots meant to be used by the staff. His boss was already at work, judging by the blue, old ‘95 Crown Vic with amber lightbar and ‘Guardian Angels Security’ written on its sides in white. He had driven that old thing before - not that his own truck had been in better condition - and quickly noticed it was likely a used cop car, bought in an auction; it still had a partition between front and back seats, old and worn push bar in the front, and the suspension was completely worn out.

 

The lizard sat in his car for a few more minutes, before finally relenting and leaving it, making sure to take the bag with his lunch: two slices of pizza; his gear and his hat, before locking his truck’s door.

 

He quickly entered the service door and went up the flight of stairs leading to the break room, which was just a small room with two long tables, an old couch, a fridge, a sink and a microwave. The entire room had the faint smell of cooked food and cleaning products, while its walls and furniture had the unnatural yellowed colour typical of surfaces that had once been white.

 

It also had a door leading to the lockers, the toilets, and the showers. Flynn had neglected bringing anything to work during his first weeks, since he had always just freshened up and put on his uniform before leaving his house. That was until a fucking kid threw up on his leg. Luiz had ordered him to go clean himself and he had to borrow a pair of pants from his boss.

 

Since then, he had learned to be prepared and made sure to keep some soap and a spare uniform in his locker.

 

He tried to enter quietly, hoping to not be pulled into a conversation with his coworkers. Luiz was there, his back turned to the door, as well as his two other colorful morning shift colleagues: Angelo, a massive elephant with few words who had served in the military, and had trained most of the guards with disarming and restraining techniques together with Luiz; and Bharata, an elderly woodpecker and Indian immigrant, a sikh that wore a black turban to match the hats, tie and pants of their uniform. Both looked hopelessly bored.

 

His boss was in the middle of a rant about a conspiracy theory he appeared to believe - that mammals somehow rule everything and always looked down at non-mammals, planning to use them as cheap labor. Of course, this greatly amused the elephant in the room whom, despite the trunk covering his mouth, was clearly smiling and holding back some laughter.

 

Once he closed the door behind himself and placed the small container with his lunch inside the fridge, everyone in the room had their eyes on him. Fucking perfect.

 

“Good morning, Flynn,” Luiz smiled, “we were waitin’ for you. Now I can begin with my announcement. It’s simple news, really: as you know, Mr. Maitland owns the security company, alongside with me, of course, so it means he is kinda our boss anyways. And with the crisis that has been going on, well… we may not get a bonus by the end of the year.”

 

Well, fuck, now what?

 

“It was either that or the health plan. I believe you guys will make more use of it. If you don’t, then you may speak to Mr. Maitland and he’ll arrange somethin’. I’m sorry, and we can just hope business improves. I’m tryin’ to convince him to expand the G.A.S. so we can patrol gated communities, abandoned constructions, and so on. Of course, it means we’ll have to hire more guards, but this should still bring more money than we’d lose paying them. Unless you guys wanna do twenty-four hour shifts.” He paused and scanned the room, noticing the less than pleased reactions from his coworkers.

 

“However, as I mentioned, I am working on remedying it. If we cannot do it, I’ll free my schedule and cover one of your guys’ shifts once a week or so, to kinda  balance it out. It’s not like I have anything’ better to do, and I didn’t lie when you guys got hired: I like to take care of my employees.”

 

Well, that could turn out well, Flynn figured it could give him a free day to go and see Carl. Maybe drop by TJ and Jenna’s place as well.

 

“Alright now, with that out of the way, listen up - we’ve got a few skaters in the parking lot that damaged a few shopper’s vehicles…” His boss moved on, detailing his plan to kick a few youngsters out of the property.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

TJ took a deep breath and exhaled, fiddling with his phone. The current game against another small team from Denver had been going relatively well. Sure, the Furies had never achieved any real victories, but they did do their best. And that’s what counted, since it both said something about them and meant he could have a stable job if they continued pushing themselves like that.

 

“How are ya today, Tobias?” Coach Todd, an overweight german shepherd with streaks of graying fur sat by him on the bench, “You look worn out, kid. Didja’ sleep well?”

 

The lynx held back a yawn, and blinked at the coach. “Oh, I’ve just spent my time studying until late, that’s all.”

 

Todd looked at him with visible concern, his eyes scanning TJ for any sign he was lying. TJ felt his fur standing on end and fought the urge to pin his ears back and arch his back, hunching over. It did not escape the coach’s notice.

 

“Look, Tobias,” Todd begun, “I don’t know what yer goin’ through right now, but I’ve seen how… how do I put it… well, ya just been distracted often. An’ there’s the bathroom issues… I mean, the guys from the team told me that sometimes you just lock yerself up in the bathroom for quite some time. I won’t judge what’s going’ on with ya, but I think it’s time you looked for sum’ help.”

 

His boss was nice enough, TJ knew that. He worried about him, but the lynx had long ago learned to not share all of his life with other people. Most would not believe him and even more would shun him for it. He sighed and slumped, ears hung low.

 

“I’m sorry. I just… I don’t wanna be away for  next week’s game. I know how important it is to us. I can’t just go and see a therapist and leave you guys hanging.”

 

Todd scoffed, but smiled. “Ah, kiddo, y’know we’ve got ‘nother physio on the team. Besides, you can just go see the shrink after we’re done here. Unless we’re travellin’,” he leaned and half-whispered, “which ain’t gonna be happenin’ so soon if we keep losin’,” he chuckled bitterly, “then you won’t be with us twenty-four-seven, will ya? Yer a good kid, an’ a great physiotherapist. But yer health’s also important, y’know? Think ‘bout it.”

 

TJ nodded and forced a smile. Todd was about to say something else, when his attention snapped back to the field. “Aw, for cryin’ out loud! COME HERE, MIKE!”

 

And, with that, the german shepherd left to scold the team’s quarterback.

 

To be frank with himself, TJ had been thinking about going to see Jenna’s colleague. She had told him she could not offer therapy to him, since it would be unethical and, while not enjoying the prospect of eventually having to talk about what he had seen at the lake, he knew she had a point.

 

TJ looked back at the field, this time doing his best to focus on what he’d have to do. Their team pushed themselves too much, and he had to always make sure they were in peak condition to play in the next game. He also needed to admonish the linebacker for straying from his diet - he had seen the bear scarfing down quite a few ‘burgers more than he was supposed to.

 

It wasn’t exactly his career choice but, as he thought about it, none of his friends ever truly got what they wanted. With a sigh, he figured that life was always about getting ‘the second best thing’. He did not like how fatalistic he had been becoming since Echo, but he couldn’t do anything about it, even if it ate at him inside, little by little.

 

He decided he would see Dr. Carla Sanderson after work.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Flynn always had taken his job as a chance to window-shop. While he hadn’t been the kind to be overly consumerist - despite how he knew other people saw his eating habits as rather snobbish - he had noticed his attention turned to the mall kiosks and stores that sold smartphones. He still had his old SIM, but what he lacked was money. If he could find a decent deal, he could get to pay one in a few months and have the means to talk with his friends again.

 

‘Specially during slow days like that one.

 

He felt a presence looming behind him and knew, without needing to look at its reflection on the bright store window, it was his boss.

 

“I’ve noticed you’ve been staring at these things too much. Thinking on buying one?” He smiled.

 

Flynn rolled his eyes. “Guess you must be a fucking psychic. How’d you guess?”

 

Luiz now frowned at him. Flynn could not lie, his boss tended to be nice - even if a bit abrasive - but he could certainly become intimidating when angry. He also had to remember that, while he seemed fine with his attitude, he should not push his luck sassing him.

 

“I’m askin’ because I know the bulk of your pay goes to the rent on that awful place you live in. You’re a good kid, Flynn, even if you’re a bit of an asshole _puto,_ with a filthy mouth. So I was gonna ask if you’d like to make a deal with me.”

 

A deal? Now Flynn was on his guard. He looked his boss up and down. Luiz was overweight and his best years were starting to get behind him. Despite all of that, he could not say the tegu lizard was unattractive. Much like Carl or Leo, he still had quite some muscle in his arms. His eyes were dark and intense and he had a nice mouth - when not factoring the yellowed teeth from oversmoking. “So, what kinda deal you’ve got for me? You buy me one and I blow ya or something?”

 

Luiz blinked, then doubled over laughing. Now Flynn felt both confused and offended. What? Was he not good enough? He knew he had gained some weight and had been neglecting to groom himself, but he didn’t see himself as ugly. The older reptile continued laughing, supporting himself on the store front, before taking a deep breath and straightening himself.

 

“What the fuck? Nah! I mean, that’d be great, but I wouldn’t wanna pay ya somethin’ to do it, that’d be unethical. Besides, while my husband’s fine with an open relationship, he would kill me if he saw me fuckin’ a coworker. Go figure, he’s _loco_.” He chuckled again, before continuing. “Nah, what I mean is, I can buy a relatively okay phone for ya and you pay me very little by very little. Whatcha say?”

 

Now the gila was on the defensive. It was not that he didn’t know Luiz wouldn’t be able to afford it. he knew his boss made, like, five or six times his salary. It would’ve been pretty easy for him. But where did all this kindness come from? “So, what do you want?” One of his scaly eyeridges raised.

 

The older lizard’s smile dropped and he sighed, looking genuinely hurt. His smile returned, but it was now closer to a forced smirk. “You’re not very trustin’ of other people’s kindness. That’s good, kid. Always be on your toes with others. However, you don’t know, sometimes life throws us a bone. Sometimes, people who are genuinely kind genuinely wanna help ya out, you know what I mean? I mean, come on, I’ve told ya I’ve been in the same situation you were before! I’ve learned long ago that, if life puts a treat in front of you, then you gotta fuckin’ snatch it before it pulls away. And if life turns its back to you, you have to fucking smack its ass.”

 

The last bit had made Flynn genuinely laugh. His boss laughed with him, before they turned back to face the devices. Flynn did not know much about technology and, apparently, his boss wasn’t that much better. They read the small plaques near each exposed device, detailing their specs.

 

Luiz had advised him to never ask too much from the store employees. “ _If they saw you did not understand much, they’d surely push some expensive_ bosta _that’s not selling well”_ , he had said. Flynn believed him.

 

The rest of the day went by fast, as Flynn, his boss, and Cliff, the aging dog who worked as one of the janitors, spent their time trying to see how all the features of his new phone worked.

 

He supposed it looked amusing to all the shoppers, three grown men hunched over a phone and passing it around like fucking idiots. All in all, the gila was content for once. He knew he would have a friend in his boss now. Sure, he’d have to spend the next year paying him fifty bucks every month, but the only other people he could think of that had gone out of their way to aid him in any way had been Sydney, Carl and - as of late - TJ and Jenna.

 

He just wished he could bring himself to be good to them in return. While he did not like to show any signs of vulnerability, Flynn also never wanted to feel like he were fucking dead weight. Something which he could not help but feel right now.

 

He now knew exactly how shitty Carl had felt for all those years.

 

On the plus side, he also knew the way out of it.

 

“Luiz,” he spoke. The older lizard looked from his own phone - he had been adding his number to his contacts - back at Flynn, “I wanna go to the self-defense and hand-to-hand training session this Friday night.”

 

The tegu smiled. “I’ll talk to Angelo.”

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

TJ had called Jenna during his own lunch break and, before any hint of courage left him for good, blurted out he wanted to see the therapist.

 

The fennec was a tad too eager, too relieved to help him, which told him she had been waiting for this moment for a long while. TJ grimaced at the notion he did not hide his emotional distress that well from her. Well, what’s done is done.

 

Aside of helping a few of the team players with sore muscles and reminding them to stick to their diets (with no small help from Coach Todd, who chewed up a certain linebacker for overeating trans fat), the rest of the day had been uneventful to him, and for that he was grateful. Chase had not been present to that match, and TJ was relieved at that.

 

It wasn’t as if he hated or resented the otter. It was just plain unease he felt around his former friend. He had always spoken to him on the occasions they met, and had been nothing but pleasant. But there would always be that feeling in the back of his mind. That little red flag that put him on alert. The idea that he knew how things would have ended between them. Both if he had not defended himself in the woods and if he had not saved Flynn at the lake. And he believed that, deep down, Chase knew that too. The otter did his best to talk as little as possible to him.

 

Still, it would have been cold to not at least acknowledge each other's presence. In either case, both felt drained and worn out once their little occasional run-ins were done.

 

The lynx’s thoughts were abruptly cut when he saw the bus he had been riding on reaching his stop. He quickly scurried out of the vehicle, alongside the throng of other passengers, and walked in quick, hurried steps towards the modest, white and gray building where Jenna and her colleague, Carla, had set up their small counseling business. They shared the building with a small dentist’s office and a lawyer’s office. TJ quickly read the small plaque indicating the location of his roommate’s workplace, and directed himself to the right door.

 

Jenna had set an appointment for him for that very day, after he got off work. His would be the last appointment of the day for Carla, which meant, to him, she’d either want to rush through it or take her time with him. Jenna had been there in the lobby, chatting idly with the young platypus they had as a secretary. She greeted him and they exchanged a few words, before Jenna indicated the gray door on the left, the words “Dr. Carla Sanderson - Psychotherapist” written in white, bold letters on it.

 

TJ swallowed and took a deep breath. He was going in.

 

The office had little in the way that revealed the personality of its owner. Dark green wallpaper, a small bookshelf, two comfortable-looking chairs facing a dark oak desk, devoid of anything other than the phone, a lamp, two pens and a sheet of paper on its surface. TJ also noticed a picture of Carl Jung hanging on the wall opposite to the bookshelf.

 

And, of course, Carla. The owl appeared to be in her mid-30s. She was short, had fluffy-looking gray feathers, and had been looking down at her phone. Her head turned to face her new patient and TJ could not help but feel a little unsettled at how it faced almost behind herself. Her green eyes blinked behind the small, round-lensed glasses, and she now turned her chair - and her body with it - so she now faced TJ. Her outfit - a featureless black dress shirt and long gray skirt - were as somber as the room she was in.

 

“Tobias Hess, aren’t you?” TJ nodded, “Jenna told me you would come. Please, take a seat.” She smiled and gestured at one of the comfortable chairs facing her desk.

 

TJ sat and felt awkward for a moment, reliving all the other times he went through the same process whenever he went to a shrink. His parents had blown a lot of money on all sorts of therapists, counselors and psychiatrists. He had taken all sorts of medicines and told all sorts of things - yet none of them helped him. The owl blinked at him again.

 

“Look…” TJ shifted in his seat, “just before we start, I’ve done this before. There’s… things I’ve seen and witnessed and nobody believed me. But I assure you, I’m not crazy.”

 

Carla blinked again, her face completely devoid of expression. _Good one, Tobias! Now she for sure will think you’re crazy._

 

After a few seconds of silence - which felt like an eternity to the lynx - the owl shifted in her high chair herself and leaned forward. Her stern expression, combined with the piercing yellow-green eyes all owls seemed to have, made TJ feel as if she had complete control of the situation.

 

“To be perfectly frank with you, Jenna had told me about a few things you had been through. It is not my place to judge whether you had been under a,” she hesitated, “paranormal experience or a psychotic episode. I am trying to take a different approach than my more orthodox colleague. I want you to lead a happier, healthier life. I know a case about a schizophrenic patient that had an awful life, but the voices she heard were actually encouraging and uplifting. And when their therapists felt they still needed to be ‘cured’, and moved in that direction, well… she sunk into a depression so deep that, in that case, she commited suicide.”

 

TJ was about to protest - he had already said he was not insane! But she had lifted one of her hands gently, telling him to stop, and he closed his mouth and swallowed.

 

“My main concern is, as I mentioned, is to make sure you lead a healthy and happy existence. As long as you do not harm yourself, nor harm others, it is not my place to judge you.”

 

The lynx thought about it briefly, then closed his eyes. He asked God to help him with this. And to, maybe, enlighten this new therapist so she would not do more harm than good like the others.

 

“Okay,” he said, barely above a whisper.

 

“Good.” She nodded in affirmation. The owl reached into a drawer and pulled out a large pad, and clicked one of her pens. “Shall we begin?”


	5. Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day in Carl's life at Pueblo University. After being told his old friend has a new phone, he decides to call Flynn for a visit.

**Anxiety**

 

“And that wraps it up for today! Thank y’all for watching. If you haven’t already, like and subscribe. Here’s the Ice Cream Man and this was Submarina. Stay chilly dudes!”

 

Carl finished editing his video and let out a big sigh, rubbing his eyes. He looked at the time - 12:16 AM. Shit.

 

He had class the next morning. It was History of Art, so he didn’t feel as keen to go to it as he’d be if it were a more hands-on kind of class like painting or sculpting.

 

He uploaded the video and stretched, his chair creaking under his weight. Common sense told him he should go to sleep soon, but he did not feel like it.

 

The sooner he went to bed, the sooner he’d be forced to get out again. And he had been without his stuff for, at least, five or six days by now. Not that the state of Colorado banned it - it was more due to the fact he could never manage the amount he was legally allowed to keep. And he could not keep the plants alive when he tried to grow his own, no matter what.

 

Sure, he knew that he still had some stashed in his room, but the ram had decided - during a rare moment of pragmatism from him - to save it for a rainy day. He was anxious just thinking about how he was going to go on with his routine, but he thought he could manage. 

 

He felt that, after the whole deal with Echo two years ago, he could endure almost anything. Anything but people, that is.

 

The ram rose to his hooves and stepped towards his bed. His dorm was not shared, but it was a few doors down the hall from Chase’s, and it put him on edge. His slight limp - almost gone now thanks to the best doctors and physiotherapists his parents could pay for, was still a reminder to him.

 

He didn’t hate him. Not really. He just felt betrayed, disappointed. Despite what had happened to Sydney, Carl did not really hold that against Chase. He even felt as if he could move past being used as scapegoat by him.

 

It was the near-death of his best friend, almost a brother to him, which Carl found impossible to forgive.

 

While he had told the otter he had forgiven him, the way he felt whenever they crossed paths said something else entirely. His throat would tighten, his heart would sink, he would feel like going to the bathroom or throwing up. Even a small hint of fear nibbled at the back of his mind.

 

Which means he had lied to him. But Carl was used to fucking up. He bitterly figured it would be just yet another list of reasons for others to be disappointed with him to add to the pile. Then again, neither Jenna nor TJ - and not even Chase - seemed to hold it against him.

 

The ram rolled to his side and undid his belt, taking his shorts off and remaining in bed wearing nothing but a shirt and his boxers. He fished through the shorts for his phone, before carelessly chucking them to the polished wood floor, where they fell in a crumpled heap. He checked the time, 12:39. Damn, time passed by fast when he was lost in thought.

 

He decided to ignore that, or he would end up going through his secret stash in less than a minute. Unlocking the screen, the ram noticed a new message. The contact number was one he knew well: It was Flynn. Carl smiled.

 

_“Boss got me a new phone. Not the same model I was used to. Have no idea how to use this fucking thing.”_

 

The ram chuckled to himself. Of course Flynn would be hopeless with technology. He hesitated, then began typing his reply:

 

_“finally! been looking forward for that. why’d ur boss get u a phone? did you blow him or something? haha”_

 

He set his phone aside and chuckled to himself again. Flynn was likely asleep, so he wouldn’t get the answer until tomorrow - or rather, late morning-today.

 

Against his expectations, however, his phone buzzed.

 

_“Fuck you, fatty. And I have to admit, for a second, I thought he wanted just that.”_

 

His phone buzzed again before he could answer.

 

_“Won’t lie, it wouldn’t be that much of a sacrifice. Not the first time I’ve been with someone’s fat gut over my muzzle. Nah, he just apparently wanted to be nice. He’s told me he wouldn’t fuck people that work with him, since it would be unethical or some shit like that.”_

 

Carl blinked. He knew what Flynn meant when talking about blowing fat people before. The tips of his ears grew hot. He began typing his reply.

 

_“lol, who are you calling fatty? last time I saw ya, you looked like you were trying to beat me in my own game. and ur boss sounds like a nice guy. guess ya haven’t had the chance to get freaky in a while, huh”_

 

He licked his lips. He knew he had been without any… relief for a while. His breath picked up, but he did not want to push Flynn. Not right now. He had seen how much of a wreck his friend had become over the last two years.

 

His phone buzzed.

 

_“Joke’s on you. I’m working out again. I’m in the company’s hq. Just finished one of the optional training classes, sparred a little with my coworkers, and now I’m in the locker room. Betcha wanna see it to believe.”_

 

Carl’s smile dropped and his eyes shot wide open. Not because Flynn had been working out again. He had figured the lizard had been doing some exercise when he saw his arms were slightly more muscular than he remembered. What really called his attention was the way Flynn worded his reply. Had he not specified anything, he’d have figured he would send him a selfie of himself inside wherever he was. But mentioning he was in the lockers…

 

His phone buzzed and, indeed, Flynn had sent him a picture of himself. His belly was still prominent and visible, but it was always amazing how one’s muscles bulged after some intense workout. He knew it for himself, since he did exercise occasionally. His eyes trailed lower and he could see he was naked, though the lizard’s manhood was still safely inside his slit.

 

His own member twitched inside his underwear and Carl shifted, licking his suddenly too dry lips. He was about to reply when something else caught his attention:

 

Who the fuck took that picture?

 

He could see both of Flynn’s hands, meaning someone else held his phone. His fingers moved to type a reply.

 

 _“won’t complain about the show. I just wanna know who’s the cameraman. maybe I was wrong and u have been getting some action? lol”_ He hesitated a little before sending it.

 

His phone buzzed again.

 

_“My boss. You’d be surprised how little it took to convince the old fuck to do it. And no, haven’t been railed in a while. At least, nothing that wasn’t fucking lame.”_

 

A picture was attached to it and Carl opened it. It depicted an older, black and white tegu wearing comfortable-looking dark blue boxers, a bent cigarette dangling from his lips, which were twisted into a scowling frown, one of his hands on his waist, almost sinking into his love handles, the other flipping off at the camera. Carl had to laugh - it was clear Flynn’s boss wasn’t expecting it.

 

 _“hahaha, still, tell him we’re glad you can text us again now. but I don’t think you should be snapping pictures of people in the lockers without their consent.”_ Carl laughed and sent his reply. It did not take long for Flynn to respond.

 

_“We’re leaving now. I’m going home. My arms feel like shit, and I won’t be able to lean forward for a while, my stomach fucking hurts. I have tomorrow off, want me to drop by?”_

 

The ram blinked and tried to mentally picture his schedule for Saturday. His classes would end around four in the afternoon, then he’d have to check the comment sections of his videos. He had been missing a few things of Submarina and had asked his viewers to post any hints or tips they had.

 

_“sure, six or seven in the afternoon’s good. I have classes early tomorrow, then some stuff I have to get sorted, then I’m free.”_

 

 _“Perfect, I’ll be there. Gotta go now. I’ll be drivin and don’t wanna crash. I don’t have a fucking thick head like you do.”_ Came the answer.

 

Carl frowned a little, but quickly smiled again. He texted back.

 

_“alright, seeya then man. good night and sleep well, and I know u miss my thick head”_

 

He could picture the gila rolling his eyes and calling him a ‘fat asshole’ under his breath at his answer. Carl plugged his charger into the phone and laid there, looking at the ceiling for some time. He knew it had to be around one-something in the morning by now.

 

He’d have laid there a little longer, but the fact he would be getting up in, about five hours made the ram grow anxious again. Since Carl was determined to not tap on his stashed weed, there was only one other way to put himself in a better mood. With a sharp breath, he rolled off his bed and walked to the small fridge he kept in his room.

 

Carl opened it and the wave of cold hit him square in the chest. He blinked and looked at what he had in there. A few cartons of juice, a half-empty (or one could say half-full) soda bottle, half a slice of a pie he had eaten earlier that day, and a microwavable burger.

 

He picked the pie and the burger, closing the fridge and moving to the microwave right beside it. The ram ate the strawberry pie and could hear the beeping sound announcing his hamburger was ready by the time he was placing the disposable foam plate in the trash can. He had to take out the trash soon, as it was almost overflowing.

 

Retrieving his late night snack, he burned the tip of his fingers, but managed to bring it to his desk. While blowing on his fingertips to cool down, he waited until hot smoke and the smell of cooked processed veggie burger stopped wafting from it, before scarfing the entire thing down in less than two bites.

 

Carl discarded the plastic container the snack came in and went back to his bed to lie down, this time turning off the lights. He knew he would also have to get more food soon. He never liked to take trips to the grocery store and entertained the idea of asking Flynn to come with him, before discarding it like the plastic container.

 

He knew it would be extremely impolite to have his friend as a guest and not have anything for him to eat or drink, even if he refused the offer. Eating his last snacks at least put him somewhat at ease. Enough so that he could allow sleep to take him.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


If the first class that day had been a bore, the current one honestly had that one beat by a mile. 

 

Regardless of how hard he tried, Carl could not really register much of what the teacher was lecturing them about in class. Namely, he did not really like the kind of art being presented at the moment. While he understood the artistic statement behind simply placing a dirty urinal in a gallery, it still failed to impress him enough to keep his attention.

 

Eventually, the bell rang, saving him from pretending to be paying attention, as the classes flooded the university’s corridors, every student finally able to go on about their business. Most of them were going to relax and unwind - and Carl knew there were a few which would still go and try to study and work on their projects. He kept his head low and trudged carefully amongst his peers, trying his best to not be noticed.

 

He quickly found his way outside the building and had to take a long detour in order to avoid most of the crowd. Carl did not feel in the mood to deal with people that day. They were nice enough, but they inevitably asked about his life and what his plans were, and he was never fond of that kind of questionnaire. He had figured the best thing to do would be to save his nerve for when Flynn came, and inevitably tried to push him into ‘being more responsible’.

 

Before he knew it, the ram had unlocked his dorm’s door and slipped in, closing it behind himself. Carl sighed in relief and walked towards his desk, carelessly tossing his bag to the small space between his desk and the wall.

 

He figured he could try ordering something, but that wouldn’t solve the problem of him eventually needing to stock up on food. With a sigh, he resigned himself to the fact he had to take a small trip to the grocery store soon.

 

But, first, he would read the replies to his latest video.

 

Time passed him by and before he knew it, it was four in the afternoon. Carl swallowed and quickly caught his wallet and keys, rushing out of the room with clumsy haste.

 

It did not take long before he found a small mini mart across the immense land belonging to the faculty, about seven blocks southeast. He entered the store, barely getting a glance from the hopelessly bored caribou teenager manning the register, and quickly browsed for a few things.

 

Knowing his diet was not the healthiest nor most demanding meant he could simply toss as many microwavable treats into his basket as he could. He also made sure to buy a few hygiene items so he could at least be a clean, if unkempt, rich kid, a couple of soda bottles, and a carton of orange juice when he decided he was done.

 

The cashier barely acknowledged him when scanning his purchases and when the ram was paying for it. Carl walked outside and sighed, now knowing he would have to walk all the way to his dorm room carrying the heavy bags. _‘Classic Carl, can’t even get groceries without being a mess,’_ he snorted at the thought.

 

By the time he had walked back to his room and put his purchases away, his arms felt as if on fire. He fell onto his bed and grunted, looking at the clock. Flynn should be dropping by soon.

 

Indeed, his phone buzzed and the ram picked it up to check the messages. _‘On my way,’_ it read.

 

Carl felt himself getting more and more excited and anxious as he typed the specific instructions to reach his dorm room and sent the message to Flynn. He really missed hanging out with him, and that last time at TJ and Jenna’s place just made him desire the presence of his best friend even more.

 

He swallowed. Sure, they did exchange a few… peculiar messages during the last night, but it could be just Flynn being his teasing lewd self. However, what if he really meant it? He knew it wouldn’t have been the first time they explored the benefits of their friendship, but still…

 

Deciding it was better to be safe than sorry, the ram went to the bathroom, ready to make himself as clean as he could.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Not long after Carl had finished his shower and dressing, he had heard knocks on the door. The ram smiled and put down the portable console he had been playing to pass the time, going  to open it.

 

There stood Flynn, wearing his usual stern expression, one arm holding a pack of beer. Despite having put on some weight, he still dressed in his usual style: Dark jeans and half-open shirt. Carl pulled the gila into a brief, but tight hug, and Flynn reciprocated by patting his back, before his friend pulled back.

 

“You’re early,” Carl spoke. Flynn checked his phone to see the time.

 

“Yeah, just had to pay the rent, buy some beer to bring here, and that’s it.” The gila gestured at the pack he was carrying in his right hand, the plastic almost giving in. Carl rushed to take it and place it in the fridge - it was still cool.

 

Flynn stood in the middle of the dorm room, looking around. Carl blinked, before closing the door and realizing he had no chairs other than his own computer desk’s.

 

“Uh, you can sit anywhere you want. My bed’s pretty comfortable. Anyway, I’m happy you’re here, dude! We didn’t get to talk much last time.” Carl grinned.

 

“Yeah, I know… since I got this fucking job, I’ve been busier than ever.”

 

Carl chuckled. “Yeah… livin’ in a bigger town means we don’t get away with some of the stuff we did back in Echo…”

 

‘Back in Echo.’ Carl blinked at his own choice of words. Now, after he had spent two years away without freaking out after what had happened there, he had to admit he did not feel like Echo was home.

 

Not that his dorm felt like one either. Even if he had to admit it was cozy.

 

He suddenly realized that he felt at home whenever he was with Flynn. Moreso last Monday, when they were at TJ and Jenna’s place. While it had been difficult to be with them and Flynn back when they were children without Jenna and Flynn starting a fight, it still somehow reminded him of happier times. And seeing Flynn actually alive, and smiling, after so long, even jesting with him and his friends, _that moment_ felt like home to him.

 

Now, Carl knew he was not the smartest person out there, but he could tell Flynn wanted to say something. He twitched his fingers watching the gila looking around, as if trying to think on what to say. Flynn rarely spoke about his own worries to him. At least, not extensively. He had always been the one who relied on his friend instead. Maybe, and it could be risky, but maybe he could be the one to help the lizard now, instead.

 

“So… something’s on your mind?”

 

Flynn now stared squarely at Carl. Without saying anything, he went to the fridge and grabbed two beer bottles, tossing one at Carl, and opening his own. It was a twist cap, so they didn’t need a bottle opener. The gila opened his own and took a long swig, sighing when finished.

 

“Well… I’ve been thinking, since that day with you, Jenna and TJ. We were all havin’ fun.”

 

Carl took a sip of his beer, enjoying the taste of the cold, crisp beverage.

 

“Uh, yeah?” Now the ram was confused. Did Flynn not expect  - or want - to have fun?

 

“Well…  y’see, for the longest time, I thought Teej was that kind of fake religious fuck, know what I mean? The kind that puts on a smile to everyone else and pretends everything’s peachy?” Flynn paused and took another swig of his beer.

 

“It turns out,” he licked his scaly lips, “I’ve seen how he looked when he saw me. I know people can bullshit each other and be convincing about it. It was how I knew he knew somethin’ about Syd’s death. But what I mean is, I never expected him to look so _relieved_ and _happy_ to see me at his doorstep.”

 

Carl recalled that moment. When he had put Flynn down from the bearhug he had given him, the gila turned his attention to TJ and Jenna. And, despite it being rather raw and awkward, he actually heard Flynn apologizing for ‘not answering your messages’. Everyone knew what he really meant, but he knew it meant a lot for Flynn to simply say an ‘I’m sorry’ without being forced to do so.

 

Now his friend looked at him expectantly. “Isn’t that a good thing?” Carl asked, “I mean… he kinda saved you and all. Maybe he’s just wanted the best for you, despite everything. Maybe even be your friend.”

 

Flynn snorted. “Heh, after I spent most of his fucking life bullyin’ him? I mean, I didn’t pick on him as much as Syd did, but I still was a pain in his ass,” now Flynn looked like he was starting to feel enraged. Not a good sign.

 

“I mean, fuck, why won’t he ever just… why’s he so nice? Even fucking Jenna seems to not have forgotten what I’m like.”

 

Carl sighed and took a long swig of his beer. He did not know much about how to deal with that kind of situation, so the best he could do would be telling his friend what he thought about it all.

 

“Well, I admit, you can be an ass sometimes,” his tone was playful, and Flynn even chuckled at it. Good. “But you’re not a bad dude. I think TJ knows it and, deep down, even Jenna does. It sounds almost if… if you still feel sorry for what you’ve done to Teej.”

 

He knew he had fucked up. The way Flynn looked at him now, his gaze fixated on the ram’s, his mouth twisted into a scowl, Carl knew he was about to hear some mini-rant before Flynn stormed off. He was opening his mouth to apologize when Flynn cut him off.

 

“You’re right, I guess… fuck…” He finished his bottle. “Fuck, Carl, I just dunno what the fuck to do now.”

 

Carl shrugged. “I’d just try to befriend him. For real. I mean, I’ve been on friendly terms with pretty much everyone back then, even those you didn’t get along with. I mean… why not try? If they were already hostile to ya, you won’t be losin’ any friends. You only risk gaining ‘em. It’s a win-win.” He grinned, proud of his own logic.

 

“You’re so full of shit.” Flynn grimaced. He then threw his empty bottle into the trash can and went to get another one for himself. Carl’s ears twitched at the hissing sound it made when he opened it. The lizard walked back and sat on the computer chair. “But you’re right. It’s practically a fucking miracle.”

 

Carl grinned. “I have my moments.”

  
  


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They had spent the next hour or so occasionally talking about their routines during the past year. But most of the time between sporadic conversation was spent just in silence. Both of them knew how to just enjoy each other’s company, without the need to fill it with smalltalk.

 

It lasted until Carl had decided to turn his small television on so they could browse for movies and make fun of bad series and adaptations. The ram found Flynn’s sarcasm amusing when directed towards media, a trait he only discovered when they were watching that bad action movie earlier that week.

 

Eventually, the beer started to get up to Carl’s head and he shifted in his bed. If Flynn had noticed, he did not say anything about it. The younger male swallowed, his thoughts shifting to the text exchange they had the previous night. It immediately called back to that one day when he and Flynn had drank a little, and he really needed the kind of comfort not even weed gave to him.

 

“You’re looking into my fucking soul there, Carl. What’s up?” Flynn spoke, and Carl almost choked on the beer he was drinking. How long had he been looking at Flynn - and for how long did his friend notice that?

 

“Oh, uhm, I was just thinking…” he stammered. The lizard raised one of his scaly brows and nodded, gesturing for him to continue.

 

Carl took a deep breath and sighed, before continuing. It was now or never. “So, remember when we were texting yesterday? It kinda made me think of that day we hanged out in my room, remember? When I tried to teach ya how to play a game.”

 

Flynn blinked at him, then looked away, clearly trying to recall which day he was specifically talking about.

 

“Know, when we kinda, uh…” the ram scratched his right arm, not able to bring himself to look at his friend, “wekindahadsex.”

 

“Oh,” Flynn answered, then it dawned on him. “Oh? Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember. What, you wanna…”

 

Carl swallowed and nodded, still too embarrassed to face his friend. Flynn chuckled.

 

“Well, I won’t lie to ya… I haven’t been up for this kind of shit in a while. I mean… it’s not that it hasn’t been good to me, it just hasn’t been bringing me the relief it used to. It’s weird,” he huffed, almost scoffing, “the worse I feel, the less I can get to fucking make myself feel better.”

 

The ram looked up at his friend. “Like a vicious cycle?”

 

Carl’s voice was low but curious, like he was trying to see if another kid on the playground was into the same comics as him.

 

“Some shit like that, yeah.”

 

They fell into silence again. This wasn’t one of their comfortable silences, but rather, an extremely awkward one. What bothered Carl the most was that, while not hard, he still felt somewhat horny. Maybe he had been _that_ pent up. But there was no way he’d ask Flynn to do something if he did not feel like- 

 

“I can still blow ya, if you’d like.” The gila smirked at him.

 

_Wait, what?_

 

Before Carl could say anything, the gila was already on his bed with him. He smiled down at his friend, his hand gently rubbing at Carl’s neck. The ram leaned against the lizard’s strokes, and sighed once it was over. Flynn moved fast and the gila was on his knees between Carl’s legs, lifting the ram’s shirt up, exposing his woolly and soft belly, with its slightly darker fur trailing down his navel.

 

The lizard now began undoing the ram’s belt and pulling his shorts and underwear off, before lowering himself down and kissing Carl’s fat belly, then trailing his kisses lower…

  
  


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The sun had set long ago and Carl sighed contently. Both he and Flynn were fully dressed and the ram had to admit he felt a whole lot better, even if he still felt a bit bad about the fact Flynn couldn’t enjoy himself.

 

To be perfectly honest, the lizard wasn’t lying: He had outright shown to him his own manhood did not get much of a reaction from what they did. He did assure it wasn’t Carl’s fault and, despite his tendency to blame himself for these types of things, the ram knew he spoke the truth.

 

Flynn, on the other hand, kept staring towards the window and the darkened campus outside. They both knew he would have to leave soon.

 

“I’m still fucking mad about the whole thing with TJ,” Flynn finally spoke, still not looking at Carl.

 

The sheep bit his cheek, trying to think on the best way to touch the subject. “You mean… about what happened with Syd?”

 

Flynn sighed. “No,” he looked at his friend, “about saving me. And being so fucking nice about it.”

 

The ram was caught off-guard again. He avoided Flynn’s gaze, not enjoying to see his friend look so lost, confused, and even upset.

 

“I dunno. I was such an ass to him… why, Carl?”

 

Carl shrugged. “I told ya, dude… maybe he just wants to be your friend. I’d give it a try, if I were in your place. He did save your life. If you feel you owe him, well… you can’t ‘unbully’ Teej, but you could try and be nice to him from now on, y’know? I think he’d like that.”

 

He debated whether he should say what was going through his thoughts, before deciding it would be for the best if he did. “You have no idea how worried we were when you were quiet. Even TJ. I mean, I figured Jenna, Leo, maybe even Chase would show some worry out of courtesy. Surprisingly, they seemed to care.”

 

Flynn scoffed at the mention of Chase. Carl grimaced and continued. “But Teej? He freaked out almost as bad as I did.”

 

“Oh?” Now the lizard held an incredulous look.

 

“Yeah. He kinda made Jenna try her damn best to find anythin’ about your whereabouts. He phoned Leo and me almost every other day. I know he even prayed for you. Don’t tell Jenna I told ya that, alright?”

 

Now Flynn did not look particularly at anything, his eyes unfocused and his head hung low. Carl knew it was one of the rare moments he could see his friend showing guilt.

 

Flynn had always been the kind of man who liked to look tough and in control. He would privately confide in Carl whenever he felt he did something wrong, but that was about it. The ram just never imagined he would see him feeling like that over TJ.

 

“I see,” was the only answer Flynn offered.

 

“I think he really cares about you, despite everything. You guys… you guys could become good friends, if he got past your swearing… and maybe you tolerated his beliefs… I dunno, I may just be talkin’ a lot of shit right now,” Carl felt embarrassed, his confidence leaving him, “ah, I’m sorry, I’ll shut up.”

 

“No,” the lizard seemed hard in thought, looking forward, his brow furrowed, “no, not really. You’re right,” he looked back at Carl, “You’re absolutely right. I knew quittin’ that shit would do ya some good.” He smirked. Carl chuckled in return.

 

“Well,” Flynn looked somewhat saddened again, “it’s time for me to go, though. Gotta go home, sleep, go to my fucking awesome job, rinse and repeat.”

 

“Beats being unemployed,” Carl answered.

 

“You’re fucking right, it does. I wish I could get somethin’ more than that damn two hundred-sixty bucks a week, though.”

 

“Maybe you should ask for a raise.”

 

“Heh, you haven’t met my boss yet. That goat’s a fuckin’ asshole. If he held five cents and an antiacid in his fist and dunked it in water, I swear, you wouldn’t see a single fuckin’ bubble escaping his fist.”

 

Carl laughed at the metaphor. He had met equally cheap people before, some of which were his parents’ business partners.

 

“Eh, still, things may improve. Who knows? I’m tryin’ to stay optimistic.” Carl got to his hooves and Flynn followed suit. “Let’s go, I’ll walk with ya to your car. So the staff won’t bother you for being here so late.”

 

Their walk was quick and quiet. The night air was cold, and even Carl shivered as a gust of wind blew on them. He wondered just how cold his friend felt.

 

“Does your new place at least have a heater?”

 

“Nah, got a shitty electric blanket I bought in some garage sale. That gets the job done.”

 

Carl frowned, but did not reply. He knew Flynn did not really enjoy people telling him something as obvious as to keep himself warm. He briefly hugged his friend, who returned it.

 

“Take care, Carl. I’ll be seein’ ya.”

 

“You too, Flynn. I’ll try to drop by on your job to bother you sometime this week.”

 

Flynn smiled. “Heh, that’d be a welcome fucking distraction. See ya then, Carl.”

 

With that, the lizard entered his battered truck and started the engine, before waving and driving off.

 

Carl shuddered at another cold breeze and placed his hands in the pockets of his shorts, walking back to his room. He felt at ease, glad to have spent another moment with his best friend after so long. Maybe things would look up.

 

Lost in his thoughts, he almost bumped into Chase as he left his own room, likely to go report in some c-list team’s night game, judging by his camera and the winter clothes he wore. The otter looked equally startled to see him and they just stared at each other in silence, before Chase finally said something:

 

“Oh, hey, Carl.” He waved weakly. The otter looked utterly miserable. The spark he got in his eyes sometimes had been completely gone since that day at the lake, almost two years ago. He was much more introverted and skittish around others, and Carl knew he did not like the only job someone who flunked that year of his journalism course could find - working for a cheap sports magazine. Carl never could have dreamed he would be one year ahead of Chase to graduate.

 

It also dawned on him he had not replied to Chase. In fact, he had been looking down at the otter’s feet - the closest he could look at him without cringing. Carl forced himself to briefly look at his former friend’s face. “Hey.” He waved weakly and walked around him. He was sure Chase opened his mouth to say something, but he really did not feel like staying.

 

He briefly looked behind himself as he reached his room, and saw the otter slumping his shoulders and dragging himself outside the dormitory building. Only then, he hastily opened his dorm room and slipped inside, slamming the door and locking it behind himself.

 

Carl tried controlling his breathing. He was hyperventilating. He felt like throwing up the cheap snacks he had eaten while watching movies with Flynn. He swallowed and ground his dull teeth against each other. Not now. He really did not want to see Chase right now.

 

Knowing Flynn was still alive did not ease him one bit. He would always be anxious around his former friend. What happened? Chase used to be such a nice guy to be around. Why the hell did he do it?

 

Why did he try to murder his friend?

 

Carl reached for his head, as if trying to confirm he still wore his old beanie. His breath had mostly steadied, and he felt calm enough. Calm enough to figure it would be a perfect time to reach for his secret stash before going to spend the next few hours browsing the internet to distract himself.

 

It was not like sleep ever came easy to him anyway.


	6. Late Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We go through a typical day in Jenna Begay's life as she thinks about the changes in her life and TJ's, as well as the rest of her old group of friends she still has contact with, and tries to forget the sensation she is giving her life goals a late start.

**Late Start**

 

The overly loud theme song of a late-90s anime blared into the dark, tidy bedroom of Jenna Begay. Her eyes shot open, but almost closed again soon after, as she drowsily felt for her phone and shut the alarm off. She laid back down and sighed.

 

Jenna had to admit she felt half-tempted to phone Carla and tell her she would be taking the day off. She felt like that every other day. Counseling was really wearing her out and, while some people had very common issues, two of her patients were so utterly miserable that, combined with what she and her friends had to struggle with personally, made the prospect of trying to help them feel like an uphill battle.

 

The fennec sat on her bed and rubbed her eyes, fighting off the urge to yawn. She could not allow herself to give up. She knew how that would end if she did. While Carl, Leo and - more recently - Flynn passed through her mind, her biggest fear was to let herself drop down to the level of her  parents.

 

She got to her feet and quietly began straightening her bedsheets and folding the thick, soft blanket. After she was satisfied with how it looked, the fennec reached for her phone and unplugged it from the wall. She did not need to search for what clothes she would wear that day: Her black denim pants, blue shirt and a comfortable black blouse (alongside the underwear) had been neatly folded over her computer desk. All she had to do was to grab a towel and the bundled clothes and perform her morning rituals.

 

She had always found interesting how most people seemed to think while in the shower. Likely because it was such an automatic task that their minds were free to focus on other matters. She lathered her soft fur with her nice pup shampoo she preferred - Jenna had never been fond of strong-smelling products, preferring the more subtle fruity scents of those meant for younger mammals.

 

TJ would be waking up in about half an hour, which gave her enough time to try and think about her schedule for the day. However, her thoughts drifted to the lynx. A smile tugged on her muzzle: He had been doing a whole lot better since the day he had decided to see Carla. He was still a little reluctant to take his medication, but only a little persuasion from her was necessary to make sure he would do it, at least during the days he went to work.

 

She had to admit, Flynn showing up had also done a lot of good for both TJ and Carl. She saw how distressed they were during the time the lizard had been gone. Scratching her side to get herself rid of a small bundled up string that got tangled into her fur, she had to admit she herself was glad that he had been around again. Though, in hindsight, she knew Flynn had always been an extremely unhappy person, she had to admit he had been a total mess since his near-death experience. Not that she blamed him.

 

At least, he was mature enough to not rely on her for support.

 

Jenna felt guilty at the thought, her ears hanging low. She never liked to see TJ as someone who only slowed her down. She knew the cat felt like that. It had never been explicitly said between them, but she could read him well enough to figure it out.

 

The biggest surprise that had happened with TJ in the last two weeks had been how he had taken it upon himself to go and meet Carl after he got off from work, all alone. She did not really like the notion of him roaming around the most violent town of Colorado by himself, and did warn him many times before. Even if, deep down, she knew it would be best if she did not try to curb TJ’s newfound drive to do things by himself.

 

Sometimes, either alone or with Carl, they would go to the KWest mall and chat with Flynn during his break. Though unexpected, she still felt happy to see both of them in better spirits.

 

Jenna grimaced as she washed her thighs. Another issue she had been dealing with was the lack of any… action. While she did not consider herself a lewd creature like Flynn or even Leo and Chase, she still had urges. And, both with her busy life managing her job and making sure TJ was okay, it felt she had neglected that side of her too long.

 

But where would she find any decent male in this town? Had it been two years and half ago, she might consider approaching Chase. But now… she could not even stomach to be in the same room with him. She felt her ears lowering again as she thought about all that had happened. She would never know what motivated him to do what he had done. TJ had told her they were fighting, but from what she heard, from both TJ and even Chase himself, it was not self-defense, but outright attempted murder.

 

And then there was that problem with Sydney. She wouldn’t lie - she had despised that bully. But now she could not help but notice how his death completely ruined every one of them in some ways.

 

After the incident at the lake two years previous, she also understood - even though she thought it did not justify - why Flynn had been such an asshole to them.

 

The fennec turned the shower off and dabbed much of the water off her fur with her fluffy, green towel, before leaving the shower stall. She had not been fond of the garish color of her towel, but it had been cheap and it dried her fur very quickly. She smirked at her reflection - at least thinking about that depressive subject had completely snuffed out her arousal. Although being pent up bothered her to no end, she figured it at least meant she could cut the time she spent in the shower. ‘ _Small victories, Jenna,’_ she thought as she chuckled bitterly and reached for her underwear.

  
  


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Jenna had never been very fond of cars. But necessity meant she had to get one. A beaten Volvo, but it did its job well. After she dropped TJ at his job, she made a detour and went straight to the clinic she worked in.

 

The first hours of the day flew by fast. Carla usually had some time to chat with her in the early morning, mostly, they would discuss the possibilities of the existence of the paranormal. Jenna was skeptical, despite knowing quite a few things she could not explain from her time in Echo. Carla, despite her more austere appearance, was an absolutely fanatic for all things paranormal.

 

Usually, Jenna scoffed at such people, but her coworker was actually quite reasonable and she always had applied the scientific method on any weird stories they discussed. Despite hoping to find proof of the existence of ghosts, Jenna enjoyed how Carla did all she could to debunk the stories at the same time. At least, she did not suffer from confirmation bias.

 

Jenna had been taught by her coworker to always book their patients by order of difficulty whenever she could. Those that would be faster and simpler cases always came in early. That way, she would not waste much time with them and help them solve their problems more easily. Those she would be spending more time and focus with, however, were always the last ones. She had done that to TJ, and Jenna had told her enough about her friend and roommate that she knew they had a lot to talk about.

 

It was not unheard of for any of them to end up leaving the clinic way after their closing time.

 

Soon enough, they closed down for lunch. Jenna tucked her purse under her right arm and waved at Mina, their receptionist and secretary, as she left for the cold winter weather outside. She found Carla  already out there, her taloned paws inside her long black coat’s pockets.

 

“Same place, Jen?” Carla smiled at her and Jenna nodded. They had found a restaurant with real good food about a quarter of a mile towards the east. The best part? It was within their small budget.

 

Jenna did not debate whether they should walk or drive, despite the small distance. Pueblo had been getting more violent as the years went by and they both rather not risk being robbed - or worse - by going on foot. Carla quickly drove to their location as they chatted about this and that.

 

By the time they were sitting down and eating, the conversation had shifted towards the fact rent for their small clinic was raising, as well as the increased difficulty of paying their receptionist. Mina was a nice girl, so they were both hesitant to let her go. She had a family to look after.

 

Eventually, the subject shifted to more recent research in their field of work. It started with a rather enthusiastic talk about how mindfulness was finally being seen as a pseudoscience with no real proven psychological benefits by the professionals of the field. It quickly shifted to research about cases of mass-hysteria, possessions and other ghost stories Carla liked to discuss so much.

 

She had mentioned to Jenna that some alligator from the east coast about her age was doing research on something similar to what Jenna had described about Echo. Jenna’s ears perked up with interest, even if it was clear that this young professional shared Carla’s belief that the paranormal could be involved.

 

All that talk about research initially made Jenna feel good, but she quickly found her enthusiasm deflating as her thoughts kept drifting back to how she ended up working in an area she did not enjoy. Something in her usually carefully schooled features must have shown it, since the owl stopped talking and now looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Penny for your thoughts,” Carla said.

 

Jenna decided to play it off. “Do you have any pennies?”

 

Carla chuckled and methodically wiped her beak with the napkins, before folding them and placing them on her now empty plate. “Still lamenting you couldn’t get into research, aren’t you?”

 

The fennec sighed, her ears lowering and her shoulders slumping. “Yeah… I mean, I did try, but that’s pretty difficult here…”

 

Carla nodded in understanding. “Maybe you should consider contacting other up and coming professionals.”

 

Jenna smiled, but shook her head slowly, wiping her own lips. “It’ll be a bit of a late start anyway.”

 

“Jenna, you are in your early twenties. I know people who started doing what they liked at their sixties. It’s only too late when you’re dead.”

 

The smaller female had to chuckle at that. Carla tended to be unusually optimistic in such situations. “Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re gonna say. I just have other stuff that I need to deal with first.”

 

“Jenna,” Carla grimaced, as if debating whether she should say what she had been thinking or not, “Tobias is twenty-two. I don’t think-”

 

 Now the fennec felt annoyed. “Listen, Carla, with all due respect but… you have no clue  the extent of his mental and emotional damage. I promised I’d not leave him hanging and I intend to see it through. I… I don’t want to talk about this subject.”

 

The owl blinked and Jenna felt uneasy at how she could be as still as a statue at times, her large eyes gazing deeply into hers. Then she hesitantly assented. “Very well. But you know we may have this conversation sooner or later.”

 

Jenna sighed and flagged down the waiter so they could pay their bills. As she dug through her purse for the money (plus the most generous tip she could afford on her tight budget), she continued talking. “I know, I know. I just… I don’t feel like I’m in the headspace to handle this right now.”

 

The owl nodded, handing her own neatly-arranged bills to the waiter and getting up. “I understand. Come, we have some twenty minutes to kill before reopening. I believe Eliott shall be next.”

 

The younger female groaned. “I wonder how you can stomach that guy. Ever seen the way he looks at us when he thinks we’re distracted?”

 

Carla shrugged and smirked. “Eh, men with mommy issues are easy to handle. It’s those who’re unreliable with their meds and prone to psychotic episodes that bother me. The next thing you know, you get a call at two in the morning from a guy that is standing on a ledge of a building and you _know_ he’s gonna jump if you don’t play your cards right.”

 

Jenna grinned. “I think my last one’s more likely to do that.”

 

“Yeah. Feels like we’re walking on eggshells, huh?”

 

“More like a minefield,” Jenna retorted as they got into Carla’s beige VW Beetle.

  
  


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Jenna’s eyes quickly strayed to the nekko clock hanging on the wall slightly behind where her patients would sit. It appeared the young armadillo had finally stopped talking.

 

“Well, we’ve kinda got way past the time here, so…”

 

Mary, her patient, nodded. “It’s alright, Doc. And thank you for everything.” She enthusiastically shook Jenna’s hand.

 

Jenna felt sorry for Mary Wilson, her patient. Single mother, in an on-and-off relationship with someone she was sure cheated on her frequently. The fact she was a drug addict and had a similar childhood as herself always tied her stomach in knots. Would she end up like that? A plain, emaciated husk of a person with pock marks all over her limbs?

 

She had been leading her last patient to the door, nodding as she explained in advance what would be going on if she did not show up the next week. ‘Picking her kids up at her parents’ was her excuse. She knew the truth - or at least suspected it - but Jenna decided to not voice it.

 

“And remember what I told you before. You should consider it.”

 

Mary smiled, but shook her head. “I’m sorry, Doc. Thank you again, but I wouldn’t do that to Jerry. He’s a good man, just… in a bad place right now.”

 

Jenna ground her teeth and nodded, forcing a smile. “Well, see you next week.”

 

With a mumbled ‘bye’, the armadillo left her office and she closed the door, before walking to one of the chairs meant for her patients and dropping herself on it with a huff.

 

Carla had told her that counselors often had to go to their own shrinks eventually. They dealt with too many unstable people, too much tragedy, to remain unmoved (unless they happened to be high-functioning sociopaths).

 

It frustrated her to no end to see people like Mary and not be able to do anything about it. At least, not more than what she did for a living. Her phone buzzed and she picked it up. It was a text from TJ.

 

_“Jenna, I’m at the mall with Carl and Flynn. He gets off in a couple of hours, so he’s gonna drive me to the apartment, so you can go there straight away. Be safe!”_

 

Jenna smiled fondly. At least some things were looking up. She got up and gathered her things, putting her warm blouse on. After making sure she had not forgotten anything, the fennec turned off the lights to her office and walked out of the clinic, waving to Carla and Mina as she made her way to her car.

 

The driving home had been smooth and quiet. Not too much traffic and there had been no rain that night, only cold winds. She parked her vehicle in its usual spot and killed the engine, quickly retrieving her things from the passenger seat and locking the car, she went upstairs.

 

After a quick shower, she busied herself washing the dishes and getting a light dinner ready. TJ would be home in one hour, judging by his message. So it gave her plenty of time to eat quickly, clean her dishes, brush her teeth and retreat to the bedroom. All the while, what Carla had told her about TJ kept drifting back into her thoughts - he was old enough to care for himself, even if emotionally fragile.

 

Maybe she was right.

 

Once she wore her comfortable pajamas and was snug in her bed, the fennec reached for one of the mangas she had been reading. It was just a silly harem story, only the protagonist was a girl in a boy scout camp. It had plenty of yaoi subplots, which she had to admit, she found cute.

 

With her worries washed away by her warm shower, a full stomach and the knowledge TJ was in relatively safe hands (she never figured she would be so at ease with him and Flynn being alone in the same place - what’s the world coming to), Jenna allowed herself to get immersed into the story she had been reading. Eventually, that familiar itch had began bothering her again. She grimaced and looked at the alarm clock - she still had about forty minutes. Her ears perked up and she shifted so she held the manga open with her left paw, in a particularly spicy page, as her right paw drifted under the covers and raised her soft cotton shirt, before slipping under the waistband of her pajama pants. Her sigh turned into a soft moan once her right paw reached its destination.

 

Then, she had momentarily forgotten about all her worries of giving her life goals a late start.


	7. Acquaintance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ and Carl drop by Flynn's job during his lunch break, but stick longer than they usually did in the past weeks. Flynn decides to follow Carl's advice.

**Acquaintance**

 

The morning hours flew by and, before Flynn knew it, Mr. Maitland had been ordering him to take his lunch break. Since there were four guards during the morning shift, they took turns. Luiz was the one who went with him.

 

They had picked a small buffet within the mall’s food court: Mall employees had a five percent discount there, and Flynn would be damned if he did not take advantage of any chance to save some of his hard-earned cash.

 

As they piled their plates, the gila had been busy telling Luiz about his talk with Carl over the sound of cutlery on the porcelain and glass dishes and the patrons’ own talking. Obviously, Flynn left out the part where he sucked the ram’s dick, and they were finally able to reach the buffet itself to begin picking what they would eat.

 

“...So I told him that if Richard Maitland ever dunked his hand in water while holding a penny and an antacid, you wouldn’t see a single fucking bubble escaping from his tight fist.”

 

Luiz chuckled and shook his head, his plate already stacked with most of the salad options and dangerously overflowing as they moved to the warmer meals. Flynn had learned from his workout he needed more protein in his old diet, so he had decided to stick with a chicken salad. That way, he would not be giving in to his temptation of keeping his newfound junk food diet, but would also have enough protein in his body to develop some muscle mass. His boss had told him that, at twenty-seven, he was not a twink anymore.

 

“Richard’s tight alright,” Luiz chuckled and the gila stared at him wide-eyed. The goat had the almost supernatural habit of popping up whenever someone did anything that was not working and seemingly always appeared when someone had been talking about him.

 

True enough, he could see Mr. Maitland sitting way back in the buffet, glaring daggers at Luiz. The fat lizard did not appear fazed at all and continued stacking all kinds of meats and other foods on his already overcrowded plate. The gila figured he was likely going to pick a little of every option available.

 

Once they were satisfied and paid for their meals - something his boss had told him to do so they could just eat and leave - they picked a table and began digging at their lunch, making some small talk between bites.

 

Or rather, Luiz did most of the talking. Flynn had never been fond of that kind of chitchat, but still, the tegu did not bother him that much. Especially since he had a rather crass, but funny humour about him and usually just told amusing anecdotes from what he had seen during his time working at the mall and, before that, as a police officer. He always excused himself whenever someone asked about his life in his home country, however. Flynn would not pry and he figured it might be why the tegu liked sticking with him.

 

Unbelievably, the fat tegu was almost finished and Flynn was barely halfway done. Despite not talking as much and starting before him. His boss likely just shoved food into his maw, chewed a couple of times, and swallowed it. No wonder he was so fat… and had gastritis.

 

Luiz perked up and looked over Flynn’s shoulder. “Ey, there’s two guys tryin’ to get either my attention or yours there.”

 

Flynn finished the last forkfuls of his salad and turned around, still chewing. “Hm? Hm.” He swallowed and made a gesture for them to wait. The chubby ram standing by the lynx gave him a thumbs up in acknowledgement. “Yeah, that’s Carl and TJ.”

 

The tegu shrugged. “Yeah, I keep forgettin’ their names. That church boy’s been showin’ up an awful lot lately. Is he a friend of yours?”

 

Flynn turned around to fully face his boss and opened his mouth to answer, but stopped himself. What was TJ to him? Well, he wasn’t a friend - at least, not yet. They barely knew each other after all these years. But he could not say it was an unwelcome company, especially during the more boring days at his job.

 

Which, he had to admit, were becoming awfully common. At least, those days beat Black Friday and Christmas by a fucking mile.

 

“He’s an acquaintance.”

 

“Oh?” Luiz visibly deflated, his smile dropping. His plate was practically clean, with only a few smears of grease, sauce and crumbs to show it had ever been used. Flynn sighed - why was his boss  so eager to know what TJ was to him?

 

“What about it?”

 

“Nothin’, really,” Luiz shrugged again, “Just curious. That boy scout didn’t show up that much before he knew you worked here.”

 

Flynn sighed and slumped his shoulders. He still felt a little bad for not having told them, even though he was ashamed about having become just another loser like Clint. Somebody living in some filthy hole without enough gas money to go pick his own paycheck. He still felt ashamed about it.

 

“Go on, you still have some forty minutes or somethin’. I’ll go to the CCTV room and nap on the couch there. Seeya later, _amigo_.”

 

With that, the fat lizard awkwardly slid off his seat and walked off. Flynn dusted his pants and grabbed his hat before moving out to meet the two.

 

“Sup, fatty.” He grinned and got wrapped in a half-hug by Carl. They patted each other’s backs before Carl let him go and he could properly shake hands with TJ. Once again, the lynx dodged when he went to put his hand on his shoulder. Flynn shot him a puzzled look and the lynx noticed it.

 

TJ’s ears hung low and he tried to avoid Flynn’s gaze. “What? Oh! I’m sorry, it’s just…”

 

Flynn briefly wondered if they should dwell on that, before shrugging. “It’s alright. So, what’s new with you guys?” He proceeded to walk outside so they could sit on the benches overlooking the parking lot. His boss had finally gotten uniform jackets for him and his coworkers to wear. His, Luiz’s and the snake folk from the night shift’s were thermal, meant to store as much heat as possible - even if the way they worked drained batteries fast. At least, Mr. Maitland would be paying for that.

 

It was a sunny winter day outside. The air was dry, and there were few cars in the parking lot. Carl had gotten himself a hotdog at some point and was already halfway through it by the time they sat on the nearest bench.

 

“I’m pumped,” Carl started, “Passed the finals and now I can have some more ‘me time’. My VR set arrived today, so I can finally make some more videos. You gotta drop by my dorm and play a few games with it to see - it’s freakin’ awesome!” He grinned. Flynn shrugged.

 

“I can barely play on a normal controller. You wanna have me try to even fuck around with that VR thing?”

 

The ram finished his hotdog and was about to throw the paper wrapper on the floor, but stopped at Flynn’s stern glare. “Trash can’s over there,” the gila said. Carl shrugged and smiled sheepishly, opting to throw the wrapper in the garbage.

 

“I’ve used it,” TJ decided to join in on the conversation, “Uh, the VR I mean. I think it’s pretty fun. We were playing this game where you’re stranded on a makeshift raft in the middle of the ocean.”

 

“Hmm,” Flynn could only nod at that. He had absolutely no fucking clue what else could be said about the subject. Gaming and technology had never been his forte. “So, how have you been, Teej?”

 

He had decided to go with the usual way his little meetings with the lynx went - just by asking about each other’s routines. TJ seemed to think a bit before answering.

 

“Ah, y’know… just the usual. Work, going to therapy, going home. There’s nothing much to it, really. How about you?”

 

“Bout the same, minus therapy. Just tired of my fucking landlord nagging me, but I can manage.”

 

Carl had came back, but sat in silence, just half-watching their conversation.

 

“Well, you could always stay with us. The futon is pretty comfortable,” TJ offered with a smile. Flynn rolled his eyes.

 

“Nah, I don’t wanna bother ya guys. And I know you don’t like the way I talk. And if ya don’t like something, then Jenna’s going to get on my fucking case about it.”

 

“Oh. Hm,” TJ slumped. Flynn would usually just try to shift his conversation back to Carl, who had been busy fiddling with his phone, when he remembered what the ram had told him the last time they hanged out alone. It also dawned on Flynn: As much as they knew each other from their time as children, they really did not know each other very well - at least, the men they became. Flynn sighed and looked at the time. He still had some thirty minutes. Might as well make them count.

 

“Listen, Teej, I’m thankful. I really am. I just know how you are, all holy and righteous and shit. And you know what I’m like. Do ya think it’d work to have me around, sleepin’ in the living room, sharing the kitchen and the toilet with you two?”

 

TJ shrugged again, still looking sad. “Well,” he forced a smile and looked back at the gila, “I at least can say that you won’t have to pick fur off the soap.” He grinned and Flynn had to chuckle at that. He had a point - that would be one kind of typical roommate annoyance he wouldn’t be giving them.

 

“Besides… if that’s how you are, I may be able to live with it,” TJ looked away to the parking lot, “I mean, Dr. Sanderson had told me that I should try harder to put up with differences between people, as long as they don’t harm others or themselves included.”

 

“Smart doctor,” Flynn added.

 

“The same way they should respect my own choices and beliefs, as long as I don’t harm others or myself.” TJ finished, now looking back to the gila. Flynn grimaced.

 

“I’m not fond of religion, Teej. I think you know why.”

 

The lynx sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I know…” he seemed to think about what to say next. “But you shouldn’t judge entire groups of people based off what the bad ones do. At least, it’s how I think…” he trailed off, his confidence leaving him.

 

Flynn nodded at him and sighed. “I know, I know. You’re fucking right. But people don’t change overnight. I’m still not comfortable with all this shit… and how it limits us.”

 

TJ thought a little, and let out a low sigh. “I understand. It’s… it’s why I’ve been trying to hang out with you. I mean, you aren’t a bad guy, Flynn.”

 

“Of course I’m not a fucking bad guy. Regardless of what you guys seemed to think, treatin’ me like shit for years.”

 

TJ ignored him, “And I’ve given it some thought during the time you’ve been quiet and… it was frustrating… not knowing where you were, what happened to you…”

 

Flynn briefly glanced to his left. Carl had pocketed his phone and now watched them, his expression a mix of worry and sadness. Flynn felt guilty and knew where this was going. He never liked the feeling of guilt and decided to cut off the young male before he went on.

 

“It’s alright, Teej. I just wasn’t in the right mind to tell ya guys about the shit that’s happened to me.”

 

“I see,” was all TJ had to say to that. Flynn felt better - he really did not feel like dealing with that kind of shit right now. He had to admit, he felt guilty about a few things, but he never enjoyed apologizing. Still, he agreed with Carl that he should bury the hatchet with TJ - and it meant they should, eventually, have to talk that over.

 

Just not now.

 

One look at TJ told him that the lynx knew everything he had been thinking about that subject. Flynn looked over at Carl, who had cast his gaze down at the floor, his ears down, and the lizard licked his lips. Shit. He better try to pick a better subject.

 

“So, you have the day off, Teej? Or is Carl here convincing you to be as lazy as he is?”

 

Carl chuckled and TJ smiled, his ears perking up. “Haha, well, we didn’t have practice today. It’s not game season. It also means I’ll have to find a part-time job to keep up with the rent.”

 

Flynn smiled at him. “Well, I know the local WellMart has been hiring some folks for shit pay. I know you won’t have much cash to spare once you pay the bills, but it’s better than nothing.”

 

“Getting a job nowadays is pretty difficult,” Carl sagely stated the obvious. TJ nodded while flynn answered with a ‘mhm’.

 

“Maybe you could be a vtuber too,” The ram then grinned at TJ. The lynx shook his head, but chuckled at the idea.

 

“I’m not that entertaining. Besides, what I’d talk about?”

 

Flynn almost had said ‘lame Bible studies’, but held his tongue. He would not pick on TJ like that. Not when he had done nothing to earn the lizard’s hostility in the last couple of years. Even Flynn had standards.

 

“Hrm, good point,” Carl rubbed his shaggy beard in thought.

 

They went into silence again, but Flynn could tell both of them were comfortable with that. Sometimes, TJ’s ears would turn towards a sound as he stared contently ahead, and Flynn had to admit it was kinda cute.

 

Eventually, the lynx turned to face him. “Well, Flynn, do you think you can drop by our place again sometime?”

 

He wanted to, but he did not like  simply showing up and not paying for what he ate there. Flynn did not like feeling like a dead weight nor did he like giving anyone - ‘specially Jenna - ammunition to use against him. Last thing he needed would be the fennec to point out his personality flaws and citing being a mooch as one of them.

 

“I dunno. I’ve been busy lately,” Flynn looked away, but did catch TJ visibly deflating.

 

“Oh,” the lynx slumped his shoulders again and leaned against the wall. A cold breeze blew by them and they shuddered. Just as quickly as he had soured, TJ perked up again. “Oh! Maybe we could drop by where you live!”

 

Before Flynn could protest the idea, Carl piped in. “Yeah! I mean, you’ve been here for two years and we don’t even know where you live! You could be livin’ in a cave, as far as we know.” The ram chuckled.

 

A cave would be fucking better than his current mobile home.

 

“No, guys, I’m sorry. My place’s a dump and the neighborhood’s not very good.”

 

TJ pouted, deep in thought, before speaking: “Maybe you could consider moving in with me and Jenna, then?”

 

“I said no!” Flynn now glared at him, feeling shitty as the young male seemed to sink into his shirt. He did not mean to startle him. He sighed. “Look, Teej, I’m really, _really_ grateful. I just… I’m dealin’ with some shit right now, so I can’t.”

 

“It’s alright.” TJ now looked down at his own lap, his ears still hung low. Fuck.

 

Before it could get awkward, Flynn’s phone buzzed. It was a text from Carl - he could tell the ram was on his phone. He picked it and read:

 

_“u should apologize. he’s trying his best.”_

 

He looked at the ram, who shrugged innocently. Well-played, Carl. He would not be able to call him out on it without being perceived as an asshole. He looked at the time - he still had ten minutes. Shit. His fingers went back to his phone, typing as fast as he could and ignoring the mistakes. Carl would understand.

 

_“he should have known better than pressin me on my situation like that”_

 

Carl’s ears twitched and he sighed, typing again. Flynn’s phone soon buzzed.

 

_“ur call. but i know u dont like being alone. i know u can be nice when u want to.”_

 

Flynn sighed angrily. TJ seemed interested in looking straight at the parking lot and Flynn thanked his luck for that. He typed his reply.

 

_“you know i suck at giving apologies - besides, they never fix what was done wong.”_

 

Carl bit his cheek and frowned at his phone, quickly typing an answer.

 

_“u aplogized 2 me before. just say ‘sorry’ will do. and it wont fix ur mistake, but at least show u dont want 2 hurt ‘em.”_

 

Fuck, he hated when Carl, out of all people, had a better grasp of this than he did. He looked at TJ, who had a curiously neutral expression, supporting his cheek on his closed fist, still looking ahead at the near-empty parking lot. The gila sighed.

 

_“alright. i’ll try.”_

 

Carl chuckled and typed something.

 

_“Do. Or do not. There is no try.”_

 

Flynn inwardly groaned at the dorky reply. He turned to face TJ and the lynx now looked at him, ears on alert. He opened his mouth a few times, trying to look for something to say, when he heard someone clearing his throat behind him. Flynn resisted the urge to curse, knowing very well who it was.

 

“Mr. Moore,” Mr. Maitland stared down at him with his arms crossed. Flynn never liked the way he dressed - were it not for his red tie, long headfur and goatee, he would remind him of a Mormon.

 

The goat continued. “I don’t recall paying you to slack off. Your lunch break ended seven minutes ago. Everyone already clocked in but you.”

 

Both Carl and TJ seemed highly apprehensive and anxious. Flynn had to use every ounce of his willpower to not tell the goat to go fuck himself.

 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Maitland. I just lost track of the time.”

 

While he wasn’t the one being reprimanded, Flynn could tell Carl was getting anxious, his breathing picking up. Shit.

 

“You know, this is your second warning, Mr. Moore. One more and you’re-” They could hear Luiz screaming ‘hey!’ from far down the parking lot and all their heads turned to look at the large lizard coming over, holding two paper bags.

 

One more factor that made him glad to be working with a guy like Luiz was that he would back him up.The large tegu lumbered his way towards the goat, his shirt’s chest area, armpits, and forehead covered in sweat. The size difference making it look like Luiz was about to knock him down like a bowling pin.

 

“Greetings, Mr. Maitland! I’m glad you found Mr. Moore!” he nudged past the goat, who now glared daggers at him. Luiz seemed unfazed. “Here,” he handed Flynn a paper bag. The gila looked puzzled at him. The tegu winked. “I’ve brought the medicine I promised ya for your torn muscles. Take one, go to the CCTV room and work the rest of the day there - you need to let your leg heal.”

 

He turned to the goat. “I’m sorry, I kinda made him work himself too hard on training and he tore a muscle. Because he was in pain, I asked his pals to stay with him so I’d run quickly to the pharmacy to pick up my meds and buy him something for his leg.”

 

The goat moved his jaw in a manner that reminded Flynn of Carl’s own ruminating whenever the ram ate salad. The goat looked at him briefly, before nodding at Luiz. “Should have informed me.”

 

“I was in a hurry, Mr. Maitland. Let’s go. Somewhere in this mall, there’s a rule being broken.” He turned the goat around so forcefully that Richard yelped. Flynn never figured how Luiz could get away with manhandling his own boss like that - the other guards did say they have worked together for years, so maybe he had some degree of intimacy with the goat that the others had not. 

 

The goat glared at him over his shoulder, before being directed by Luiz inside the mall. He entered first, and the tegu gave Flynn both thumbs up while biting his own long tongue as he grinned, one of his eyes winking. Flynn shook his head, but chuckled and waved him away.

 

Curiosity got the best of him and he opened his bag. Indeed, it seemed it was just his boss’ dessert: A small box with four donuts. He knew he would have to give it back to him soon.

 

Carl seemed to have calmed down and TJ looked puzzled as to what happened.

 

“Um, which one is your boss?” The lynx finally asked. 

 

“Both of them. Luiz Maldonado is the head of security. Richard Maitland is the owner of the mall. Never call him by his first name and never talk to him without saying ‘mister’. He flips out whenever someone does either.”

 

TJ smiled and nodded in acknowledgement. “Your direct superior seems nice. Reminds me of Coach Todd. By the way, I hope your leg’s alright. I could give it a look, if you’d like.” The lynx had a look of genuine concern as he asked the last bit.

 

“My leg’s fine, Teej. He just made that up on the spot, he covers my ass all the time from Maitland. I wonder how those two don’t hate each other’s guts - they’re total fucking opposites. Makes ya wonder whether Maintland has a soft spot for him.” TJ calmed down and smiled again.

 

Carl took this moment to join in on the conversation. “They say opposites attract.” He shrugged.

 

“That’s a lot of bullshit, Carl,” Flynn retorted.

 

“No, it isn’t. It’s not a rule, but I think opposites do complete each other,” TJ added. Both Flynn and Carl looked at him and his smile faltered, the lynx looking skittish. “Well, it’s, uh, what I’ve heard.”

 

Flynn shook his head and got up. “Welp… it’s good talkin’ to you guys, but I’ve gotta go. Gotta clock in and begin the afternoon part of my job. I hate CCTV.”

 

“You could convince Mr. Maitland to sell footage of funny accidents to big vtubers or to TV. At least you’d be able to have fun looking for shoppers goofing off and he would get some cash for it.”

 

The gila rolled his eyes. “People who make asses of themselves in a funny way aren’t that common. But, I do admit we see some amusing things sometimes. For good and bad.”

 

They chuckled. “So… what are you two gonna do now? As you can see, Maitland’s on my ass, so we can’t talk much while I’m on the clock.”

 

“We’ll stick around. I have to go look at some of the game and comic places inside. And try to get TJ into gaming. I still think he’d be a decent vtuber.” Carl grinned.

 

Flynn shrugged. “Alright. See ya later, guys.” He started fishing for his keys so he could unlock the door meant for employees.

 

“Seeya, Flynn!” Carl gave him a brief side-hug again.

 

“See you later,” TJ said with a smile, “and it’s alright, about going to your place,” the lynx looked to his right, avoiding staring at the gila, “we don’t mean to impose and I know you’ve not been in the mood to get visitors. Just try to pay us a visit sometimes, alright?” The lynx looked back at Flynn, his smile taking a hopeful tone. While it annoyed him a little, the gila had to admit he did not have the heart to deny it.

 

“Don’t sweat it, Teej. I’ll text ya when I’m free to drop by.”

 

“Right,” TJ nodded and waved, him and Carl going to the main doors.

 

Flynn was now alone, walking around the building to the employees’ only door, his keys clinking in his hand, when it suddenly dawned on him.

 

The way TJ talked, was as if he had read his exchange with Carl.

 

For a split-second, he began feeling angry, but that feeling was gone as quickly as it came and Flynn chuckled at the thought of being spied on by TJ. The lynx was much more devious than people gave him credit for.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Flynn did notice both Carl and TJ strolling around the mall a few times, window shopping and, once in a while, going into a store. He wished he could go and chat with them, but if he left the CCTV room, he knew he’d be in hot water.

 

At least, that did not stop him from texting from there. Carl spent most of the time referring to him as “Big Brother”. A little unoriginal, but he could see how it applied.

 

He had given his boss’ donuts back later that day. Luiz asked if he would like some and, once being told by Flynn he didn’t, he practically inhaled the pastries. Flynn also noticed both him and Mr. Maitland started to take a mighty big interest in Carl and TJ. He did not really like it, but he would have to wait and ask the lizard about it later.

 

Eventually, his phone buzzed. He picked it up. It was a text from TJ.

 

_“When you get off work, would you like to go to the movies or something with Carl and me?”_

 

Flynn sighed. He would not have training today, so it was not like he did not have the time. He just did not feel like going. His mood had been all over the place lately. Luiz had told him it is pretty common for depressed people, although Flynn wouldn’t classify himself as a ‘depressed’ man. He also wouldn’t have pegged the easygoing tegu as depressed. That is, until he found out that he did not technically lie about going to the pharmacy - The tegu took Sertraline on a daily basis, he told Flynn when he came to retrieve his donuts.

 

Flynn contemplated what to do. Even though he did not feel like going, he knew it was not a bad idea to just spend some more time with the others. And, from dealing with Carl, he knew that the best way to get out of his miserable slump would be to at least put some effort in trying it.

 

It was morbidly interesting, Flynn realized, that he had to give himself that pep talk almost every fucking day. With a sigh, he looked at the clock mounted on the wall and typed his answer.

 

_“I get off at 8. The mall closes at 9, so you can stick around and wait for me, if ya want.”_

 

He thought about it a little more. Usually, TJ, Carl or both would show up and talk briefly during his lunch breaks whenever they were free. But they had never stuck around during the entire day.

 

Yeah, Carl had missed him. And Carl was right: TJ really wanted to bridge the gap between them.

 

Flynn looked down at his phone and typed another message:

 

_“If you guys want, I can give ya a ride home.”_

 

His phone buzzed a few seconds after he sent his message.

 

_“Thanks! That’d be nice.”_

 

Flynn smiled slightly, before pocketing his phone and waiting for one of his night shift colleagues to relieve him of his post. It kinda felt nice to have people who looked out for him sometimes. He chuckled at that realization: would never admit that Carl had a point, though - the ram would never quit bragging if he admitted that.


	8. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ and Jenna come up with a plan to pay Flynn an uninvited visit during the cold November winter.

**Home**

 

The ticking of the clock inside Carla’s office was the only sound that broke the silence. TJ’s ears would sometimes twitch at the ticking sound, and he knew he had to say something soon. Though, apparently, the owl decided to break the silence that had filled the room for the two minutes since he had gotten in:

 

“How are you doing, Tobias? I have noticed you seem more comfortable lately. Though, I can see that you still have something on your mind. Would you like to talk about it?”

 

The lynx forced a smile and nodded. “Thanks, doctor,” TJ licked his lips and seemed to think for a moment, “I know if I keep quiet, you can’t really help me, so… yeah, I’d like to talk about it.”

 

Carla hesitated. “Quite so.”

 

“It’s just… I’ve felt guilty about what happened in Echo, know?”

 

“About your old friend’s death,” Carla read from her notes, “Sydney, was it?”

 

“Yeah, but not quite that,” he avoided the owl’s gaze, rubbing one of his arms, “I… I just feel like I messed up everything by keeping it a secret. I’ve felt guilty over keeping it, especially when I think about how it messed up Flynn. I mean, Syd was a bully, but even he didn’t deserve…” TJ trailed off, looking down at the owl’s dark wooden desk.

 

Carla made a quick note on her pad. “I understand. But you were a child and, considering what you have told me about that day, you were under quite a lot of stress and it would not have been easy to come out with the truth after such a traumatic event. It is quite common for people to bottle these things up and try to forget they even happened.”

 

TJ nodded. “I know, but that’s not all. You see… the last time I went to Echo, I hoped for some true closure. So did Flynn. Deep down, I just wanted to finally get the truth off my chest. I knew things would never be the same after that, but I never thought that... Chase, he... “

 

The young lynx felt his tears start to well on the corners of his eyes. “And… I hurt Carl… and Flynn, he almost… he would’ve…”

 

The owl continued writing on her pad as he spoke. “It is alright, Tobias, let it out. It is important to keep in mind, in the end, it worked out. You knew that the relationship between you and your friends would change with that, but you still regularly communicate with them, even now. And there is nothing more you could have done in that situation that you didn’t do already. It is very much thanks to your intervention that Flynn is alive today. And with Chase... you cannot blame yourself for a friend’s bad decision. While circumstances and events play a role in shaping and influencing us, we are, ultimately, responsible for our own actions.”

 

TJ sniffed, wiping his nose on his forearm. Carla offered him a box of tissues and he gladly took it, using them to clean both his forearm and his dripping nose.

 

“Last time, you mentioned you wanted to go and try to approach your friend Flynn. How was it?”

 

TJ had stopped tearing now, but he still sniffed, now he looked back at the owl. “Good. Well, we’re not really friends, but it’s been better than I expected. Yesterday, I went to the mall with Carl, remember him?” Carla gave a quick nod.

 

“We spent most of the day at the mall, and we spent Flynn’s entire lunch break with him. We talked more than we used to during other times, and…” TJ cut himself off, debating whether he should mention the texts between Flynn and Carl. He figured he should. “I saw Flynn and Carl try to text each other, trying to not let me notice, about apologizing to me. I’m not sure but I think Flynn was about to, before his boss showed up and cut him off.”

 

The owl nodded with a ‘mhm’ and jotted down some more on her pad. “How does that make you feel?”

 

If TJ had to be frank, he was still a bit unsure. “Well, uh, I know Flynn’s not very fond of apologizing, even when he sees he’s wrong about something. The fact he even considered it seemed so… well, I think we might become friends for real. But… I just don’t think I deserve his apology. I mean, I didn’t like the way he treated me, sure, but when he had been gone for all that time, when we didn’t know what had happened to him… I was so scared. And sad. And angry. I… I thought that, if he felt anything like that with Sydney, then maybe, I dunno… I kinda deserved it. He knew I knew something, and honestly, I don’t know how I would’ve reacted if I had found out someone knew Flynn’s whereabouts without having told me.”

 

“I see.” Dr. Carla seemed to reflect on what she had been told for a moment. “It is… understandable. Even though I think you might be punishing yourself for something most would have trouble dealing with.”

 

TJ opened his mouth, but the owl raised her hand and he closed it. “However, I understand you still harbor these feelings of guilt. I believe that you both should, eventually, try and talk this over. It is pretty clear you need some closure on that matter.”

 

“Well, doctor, when I was there, I did try to talk to him about it. Flynn dodged the subject and, when I saw he was starting to get upset, I decided to let it slide.”

 

“I suppose you both have to be in the right state of mind when you do.”

 

“Yeah, I figured that…” Carla went back to writing down on her pad.

 

“So, Moving on.... How well have you been sleeping? Is the medication working?”

 

TJ sighed. “I’m better, I admit. But I still get those nightmares from time to time.”

 

The owl nodded. “In my experience, those… memories - sometimes mixed with ‘what could have beens’s - will never truly go away. It is something, however, you can learn to live with. Which is what I hope to help you with.”

 

“I know, doctor. And thank you for that. I have noticed I’ve got more energy lately, which’s good, right?” He flashed a hopeful smile.

 

“Mhm”, Carla nodded.

 

TJ’s smile, however, dropped. Something that had been dwelling in the back of his mind all session had come to the forefront. He had finally reached something he had never told anyone, but knew he had to get sorted out sooner or later. “Doctor, if I told you something, would you keep it a secret? I mean… would you-”

 

“I am obligated by my own professional ethics to not tell your private information to anyone, within reason. If it involves a crime, I may have to report, but that is very rare and only in rather grave cases.”

 

TJ bit his lower lip, weighing what Dr. Carla had just told him. The lynx steeled himself with a breath and straightened up in his seat. Here goes nothing.

 

“During our time in Echo, one evening after we were fixing someone’s car on the side of the road, Chase and I had walked in the woods…”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

TJ’s mind wandered over the past month’s events, and the more he thought about it, the more he felt like the only way to make up to Flynn for everything would be to help him. He was glad that the clinic’s waiting room was empty. It was closing hours and he just waited for Jenna to come out of her office, then she would drive them both home.

 

_Home…_

 

He knew the saying went ‘home is where the heart is’. But if that was the case, while the lynx felt more secure in their apartment, he did not feel home anywhere.

 

Especially with himself.

 

And that could very well be the case with each of them. Jenna did not really enjoy her current situation - TJ could tell. Carl had been surprisingly content, but still not really satisfied. Leo stayed behind in a town full of horrible memories to haunt him. Chase would be haunted by his own deeds for the rest of his life. And Flynn…

 

Oh, Flynn… when did he ever feel at home? TJ’s ears lowered, as he tried to think of what he could do to aid the gila. He still felt indebted to him.

 

He knew he had saved Flynn’s life, but that felt like a cold comfort: His cowardice in coming out with the truth sooner, his complicity with Chase, the ease his friend had manipulated him, and other events he knew he could have prevented were exactly what had caused the incident to begin with. No matter how much everyone told him otherwise, TJ still felt guilty.

 

_Guilty as hell._

 

The lynx shuddered at the thought. His ears flickered when the door to Jenna’s office swung open and the fennec showed up, wearing one of her casual outfits she liked so much. It always amused TJ how much she and Carla dressed differently. The owl always wore formal and sober clothes. Then again, maybe his friend’s style put patients at ease, with the appearance of informality it projected.

 

“Ready to go?” Jenna smiled at him. TJ nodded and got up from the chair.

 

“Uh, Jenna, I’ve been thinking… maybe we should drop by Flynn’s place sometime. I mean, when you’re free... and since nobody’s called me for a job interview yet.”

 

The fennec grimaced and one of her ears twitched, but she didn’t say anything until they had locked the clinic and were well within her car. Jenna turned towards him.

 

“You know he doesn’t want us there, right?”

 

TJ shrugged. “I just would like to pay him a visit, that’s all. See how he’s doing…”

 

Jenna’s features softened and she sighed, turning the engine of her old Volvo on and proceeding to drive the short way to their apartment building. “It’s… really important to you, isn’t it?”

 

The lynx nodded, looking outside at the sparse evening traffic. He licked his lips, feeling his tongue brushing against the soft fur over the black skin. “I just feel like it’s something I should do.”

 

“I see.” Jenna did not say anything else, focusing on the road.

 

The rest of the ride had been silent and TJ quickly found himself on auto-pilot once more. Once inside the apartment, the lynx decided to skip dinner - he was not hungry anyway - and went straight with his usual evening routine. By the time he left the bathroom clad in his pajamas, he was surprised to find Jenna waiting for him. The fennec looked deep in thought, as if she had not been sure about what she was about to say.

 

“Listen, do you even know where he lives?”

 

TJ shook his head slowly. “Not even Carl does. He always dodges the subject. Said the neighborhood’s bad and the place’s a dump.”

 

Jenna nodded. “I see. So, do you still want to go there if what he said is true?”

 

The lynx now gazed at Jenna’s shoulder. It was the closest he could bring himself to look at her face at that moment. “Yeah…”

 

Jenna closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before sighing loudly. She brought one of her paws to her forehead and rubbed it. TJ’s ears lowered at his friend facepalming at him.

 

“Alright… alright… we’ll try to call him one more time. But we can’t impose on him.”

 

TJ perked up, a hint of smile returning to his face. “Thanks, Jenna.” He hugged her and the fennec returned his hug. “You’re a great friend,” he said. And he meant it.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It took almost three weeks for TJ’s plan to actually bear some fruit. He had kept his usual routine, and by now they were in November. TJ had managed to get a part-time job as a greeter at the local WellMart.

 

He had to be honest - he downright loathed that job. But nobody complained: After all, forcing smiles and being pleasant no matter what was his forte. A feat that would have amused him, were it not for the fact the lynx always arrived exhausted from work, despite it being way less demanding of his attention and time than physiotherapy.

 

At least, it had given him plenty of time to go see Carl and Flynn when they were free. As expected, the gila still evaded mentioning anything related to where he lived. It felt particularly bad when TJ knew they were growing closer. Flynn seemed less and less on edge when around him, and he felt more at ease when hanging out with the gila, even during the few times Carl couldn’t be there with them.

 

But still, Flynn wouldn’t budge on the issue. And it worried TJ when the gila had began looking and acting different.

 

He had lost a lot of weight very fast, and not from working out - TJ could tell. His scales looked off-coloured and his reflexes had slowed down considerably.

 

For a cold-blooded creature, it meant the cold was getting to them. A few texts back and forth with Carl had confirmed his suspicions: All Flynn had to keep himself warm at home was an electric blanket. In a mobile home.

 

And, simple as that, TJ’s mood soured once more. He desperately wanted to aid Flynn, and was about to accept that there would simply be no way to do so, until Jenna had an idea - on an early evening, Jenna proposed out of nowhere:

 

“What if we asked his boss? I mean, the worst they could do would be to say ‘no.’”

 

An idea that reminded him of the ‘surprise birthday party’ to Carl - which he knew the ram had not wanted. It was risky, but Flynn’s health was already in jeopardy.

 

And, so, on a Sunday when both he and Jenna were free, they drove to the mall. TJ was apprehensive at first, knowing if Flynn were to see them, it could probably ruin Jenna’s plan. They browsed a few stores and bought some cheap - but comfortable and warm-looking - blankets and clothing meant to keep cold-blooded people warm. Some relied on batteries, but TJ had thought of that and also made sure to buy rechargeable ones and a charger. After finding out from Carl about Flynn’s situation - and witnessing how the gila had been looking - TJ was truly determined to do something about it.

 

If they could not convince him to move, they could at least make his life there easier. And, maybe, he could convince himself that, even without whatever had taken possession of him two years ago, he would still have moved to save the gila from Chase. A vain hope, TJ knew. The lynx knew himself well enough to know, deep down, it wouldn’t have happened. But he took solace in the fact he _could_ help Flynn on his own volition now.

 

They did not see Flynn anywhere, but his boss was easy enough to spot. The tall tegu lizard was watching the parking lot from inside the mall, standing a few feet behind the glass door. Even there, TJ could feel the chill of winter and, apparently, so did the tegu: His jacket was zipped up and his arms were crossed, but the large lizard shivered every time the door opened. He raised one brow as he noticed TJ and Jenna’s approach and smirked at them.

 

“Well, well, if you guys hoped to see Flynn, I believe you wasted your trip. He’s home. I told him to take a couple of days off.”

 

“Oh?” Jenna’s ears stood alert, as it was clear she questioned Luiz’s generosity. “Why’s that?”

 

Luiz rolled his eyes. “Well, I’ve seen you only come here once. But if you ask the church boy here, he can tell ya the _lagarto_ looked like shit. This damn winter’s gettin’ to us all, some worse than others, it seems.” He shrugged.

 

“Uh, that’s what we hoped you could help us with,” TJ decided to interfere, smiling at the tegu. “We’ve heard all he has is an old electric blanket, so we bought all of these,” he gestured to the large shopping bags they carried, “for him. But we don’t know where he lives. He wouldn’t tell us.” His ears lowered.

 

TJ was not naive. He knew most people found him cute. And so, the lynx made sure to give Luiz his best ‘sad kitten’ stare. He never liked resorting to such methods to get favors - but he knew that it wouldn’t be so different from the false smiles he put on at the store with customers, or near his friends so they thought he was alright.

 

Even though he was suffering on the inside.

 

The performance did not appear to faze the large lizard in the least, however. Luiz shrugged again. “Well, tough luck, _amigo_. Maybe he didn’t tell ya for a reason. Maybe he sees you guys as weirdos or somethin’. From what he’s told me, he’s very close to that cute ram guy who shows up almost every other day here. Carl, wasn’t it?”

 

“Yes, Carl,” TJ nodded, “and they’re best friends - yet not even Carl knows. He hasn’t told any of us.”

 

“Oh? Hm,” Luiz seemed in thought, looking both of the mammals in the eye with a scrutinizing expression. TJ had to admit, he felt intimidated. He quickly looked at Jenna, who seemed to be glaring back at him - but her slightly pinned ears told him even she was out of her league with the older man.

 

Eventually, Luiz relaxed and cracked his neck. “Well, I’ll tell ya what. I’m taking my lunch break soon. If you stick around, I’ll drive ya to his humble abode. That way, I’ll be able to watch for the safety of my employee if either of you are up to somethin’ shady. How’s that?”

 

Jenna and TJ exchanged a look. The fox looked like she was about to say something, but TJ beat her to it:

 

“Sure! We’ll wait. Just take us back here, if that’s not much to ask. I mean, Jenna’s car is still parked here.”

 

The large lizard shrugged again. TJ had the feeling he was usually dismissive of most people. “Whatever, I’ll be back anyway, so can do. I’ll do one last round around the mall, talk to another of the day shift guys a bit, then clock in for lunch. Wait by the benches there and I’ll be back in some thirty minutes or so. Seeya.”

 

Before they could say anything, the tegu walked off and disappeared into the food court. Without any other option, the lynx and the fennec went to the indicated benches and took a seat, each having their own fake plastic potted plant for company flanking their designated seat.

 

After spending some time fiddling with their phones, checking their purchases, and people-watching, they finally noticed the tegu lumbering towards them, still in uniform, holding a set of keys.

 

“Come on. We’ll take my car. Just a heads-up: It used to be a cop car,” the tegu said as he walked and, despite being overweight, his longer legs and rather fast walking made it hard for both TJ and Jenna to keep up with while carrying their bags. If Luiz noticed, he clearly did not care and continued talking:

 

“What I mean is, it has a partition, so the backside’s not that comfortable. I’ll open the trunk so you can put your bags there, and one of ya - I recommend whoever’s smallest and without claustrophobia - go in the backseat without scratching their knees on the partition. I don’t wanna see anyone gettin’ hurt or bleedin’ inside my company’s car.”

 

They stopped in front of a dark navy blue ‘95 Crown Vic, clearly the company car the lizard talked about. He unlocked it and went inside, turning on the heater and engine, before leaving to open the trunk.

 

TJ went on and placed the bags over the carefully-arranged tarps and plastic covering the insides of the car’s trunk. Despite being an old vehicle, Luiz clearly did not like it to get dirty with anything - even the toolbox in the car’s trunk was neatly packaged in a trash bag - it’s rectangular shape being the only thing that made clear what it was. TJ closed the trunk when he was done.

 

“The backseat doors open from the inside now, so don’t worry about that. Now let’s go.”

 

Jenna opted to take the backseat while TJ would ride shotgun. The large tegu brought the engine to life and, soon, the security car joined the high-noon traffic on its way to Flynn’s residence.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The trip ended fast, as Blackwood Residential - the trailer park Flynn lived in - wasn’t very far. TJ was thankful when the security car had finally stopped. It turned out Luiz was an awful driver - he was prone to getting distracted, more than once speeding through yellow lights with barely enough time before they became red, and TJ could certainly tell sometimes one of the front wheels went over the sidewalk and he could feel him hit the curb with the car’s push bar when they were parking. One look at Jenna had shown she was similarly grateful for their short trip having reached its end.

 

They got out and the large tegu instantly complained about the cold, launching a torrent of curse words out that would put Flynn to shame, especially since he apparently did it in both English and Spanish. He pointed at a run-down, small mobile home with faded plywood walls that had once been white, now beige with specks of mould and peeling paint. “That’s the place.”

 

TJ muttered his thanks and grabbed half of the shopping bags, Jenna gathering the other two left as they made their way to the door. TJ climbed its single step - made out of cinder blocks - and put one of the bags down, reaching for the doorbell.

 

The lynx yelped in pain upon being shocked. Jenna dropped the bags and quickly caught his paw, but it was nothing serious. They both sighed in relief, TJ rubbing his injured finger on his shirt, before knocking at the door.

 

“What is it now!?” came the angry shout from Flynn inside. Both Jenna and TJ took a step back and gave each other a look of uncertainty.

 

“Fuck this! I _told_ ya I’ll pay the goddamn rent next Friday, Jay! You’d have it last week if you had gotten rid of those _damn_ roaches! I have half a mind to-” The door swung open and Flynn stood there, a look of surprise on his face, before he quickly scowled.

 

The gila wore the black pants he usually preferred, but they were bulging, as it was clear he wore another pair beneath them. Looking up, TJ saw he wore the same uniform coat he had been given at work. The color of his scales still looked slightly faded, and he had those same bags under his eyes. Flynn noticeably shivered as the wind blew. Before TJ or Jenna could say anything, the lizard said:

 

“What the fuck are you two doing here?” While his choice of words carried the usual aggression behind them, TJ could notice his tone was closer to genuine surprise.

 

“Uhm, your boss drove us here. We knew you lived in a mobile home, so we’ve decided that, if you weren’t gonna move in, we’d give you this.” TJ smiled and held the bags he had been carrying as if offering them. The gila looked between the bags, TJ, and Jenna, before sighing and stepping aside. “Come in.” he said with an annoyed tinge to his voice.

 

Luiz had chosen to lean against the wall outside and said he would just smoke and wait. With a shrug and ‘your call, old man’, Flynn closed the door after TJ and Jenna got in.

 

Flynn leaned against what was left of an old counter dividing the kitchen from the living room-slash-bedroom and crossed his arms. TJ looked around and decided to place the bags he had been holding over on some pallets over the filthy mattress that was clearly his bed. Looking around, despite the state of everything, he at least had to admit Flynn still tried to keep some sense of normalcy - the sheets were laid over the mattress and the electric blanket he had were bunched aside, as if he had just been laying down and had to get up. TJ had to force his ears and his smile up, but he was pretty sure both Flynn and Jenna had noticed his unfiltered expression.

 

The fennec also decided to place the bags on his bed and made her way to sit on the only other piece of furniture Flynn had that side of the counter: An old, worn wooden chair, facing the small television sitting right on the counter where Flynn had been leaning on. While TJ hid his state of mind, Jenna clearly looked overwhelmed with everything she saw. TJ knew it probably reminded her of her own childhood home and he tried to look at the floor, only to see a cockroach skittering over his left footpaw.

 

TJ tried to shake it off and fell over the bags, the paper and plastic making a loud ‘crunch’ noise. Flynn made a quick motion as if he tried to get a hold of the lynx, even if it would be impossible from the distance he was at.  Once TJ regained his footing, the gila went back to looking annoyed.

 

Jenna just shook her head and stared straight into Flynn’s eyes. “How can you stand to live like this?”

 

Flynn snorted. “Heh, cut the bullshit, Jenna. You never gave a shit about me.”

 

The fennec suddenly bared her teeth, a hurt glint in her eyes. “Flynn, why didn’t you tell us!? We would’ve-”

 

“Oh, you would’ve what? Take me home? Help me? Care for me? Heal all my fucking pain? Hold hands and fucking sing happy songs and everythin’ will be just fine and dandy? You treated me like fucking shit for all these years, I don’t need your damn pity, Jenna!”

 

For once, Jenna did not walk off. She snarled at him and got to her feet. “Goddammit, Flynn! We are your fucking _friends_!” The cursing, while TJ would not approve, did give the lizard some pause. TJ took the opportunity to get up and speak:

 

“Please, there’s no shame in living here, Flynn. It wasn’t your fault you ended up in this place.Even Jenna accepted help when she needed it. Let us help you now. Please.”

 

Flynn closed his eyes and shook his head. “Get out, Teej. You too, Jenna.”

 

“ _Please!_ ” TJ begged. _I can’t let him brush me off this time._ “Do you really like living like… this?”

 

The lizard looked around and let out an angry sigh. “Of course I don’t. What kinda question is that?”

 

Jenna’s ears perked up and her nose twitched as she got up and walked to the window. Flynn huffed. “It’s Bob, the neighbour. He’s cooking meth.”

 

The fennec’s ears lowered again. “I know the smell.” She turned back to Flynn and sighed. “Flynn, you’re moving. Come on. We can discuss how to share rent and who does what later. But you can’t keep living here. Not in this environment.”

 

Flynn sighed again. “I… I know ya’ll wanna help. But it’s just…” he suddenly looked straight at TJ. “Know, sometimes, I wonder if it would have been better if you hadn’t sav-”

 

“No.” TJ’s ears faced forward, the fur of his back and neck standing up a little as he shook his head. For once, his expression showed resolution, his look firm but more than a little guilty, black lips pressed into a straight line. “No, it wouldn’t. Don’t even think that way.”

 

The lizard nodded, but said nothing. The three held an awkward silence for almost an entire minute, before Flynn finally spoke:

 

“You know what? Fine. My kind ain’t built for this fucking cold ass winter anyway. ”

 

He sighed before moving to unplug the small television from the wall, retrieve a box from beneath the counter, and place it inside. TJ and Jenna took it as their cue to aid with the move.

 

It had been quick, Flynn’s few possessions, toiletries, and items in the fridge fitting some of the plastic grocery bags the gila had saved. When they were done, all that was left in the house was the makeshift bed, the old chair, and the fridge - items which Flynn mentioned had came with the place.

 

They all walked out and Luiz helped them take his possessions to the bed of his truck. As they walked, Flynn finally spoke:

 

“But I still owe that asshole one week’s worth of rent.”

 

“We’ll figure something out,” TJ assured him, then gave Jenna a meaningful gaze, “isn’t that right, Jenna?”

 

Jenna seemed to carefully consider TJ’s words before nodding. “Eh… we can try to pool what we have saved and then you can pay us back later.”

 

It was then that Flynn’s boss piped up: “I lived here before. The landlord and me go way back.”

 

“In what way?” Flynn asked. Luiz smirked.

 

“When I was a cop, it was here where I’d stash my informants. Bobby, the junkie cookin’ over there was one of ‘em. Just tell Jay you’re gonna call the city sanitary services over the bug infestations and he’ll tell ya to forget the rent, since you’re movin’ out an’ all..”

 

Flynn nodded. “Will do. Thanks.”

 

“Don’t mention it.” Luiz fetched his keys and walked to his car, while TJ watched Flynn walking into the only concrete structure built in the trailer park, the small office likely belonging to this ‘Jay’ landlord.

 

It took only a few minutes, before the gila walked out and entered his truck without saying anything. TJ licked his lips. “So… how’d it go?”

 

Flynn grinned. “The guy got pale as snow and caved in,” he looked out of his truck’s window, “Thanks, Luiz.”

 

The tegu shrugged. “No problem, _amigo_. Just makin’ sure my employee’s in tip-top shape.”

 

The gila shook his head, then looked at TJ and Jenna. “So… do I follow you home, or…?”

 

“I have to go back to the mall,” Jenna said, “Left my car there.”

 

Flynn nodded. TJ smiled and made his way to the passenger seat of the old white truck. “I’ll go with you, so we can move you in right away.”

 

The lizard unlocked the door and TJ hopped in. A brief look at Jenna made it clear she dreaded the prospect of having Luiz drive her back to the mall. Flynn shuddered behind the wheel.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Not really… I think I’m sick…” Flynn grimaced and turned on the engine.

 

“We’ll get that taken care of, no worries,” TJ assured him, “now let’s go home.”

 

_Home…_

 

TJ wanted to laugh, but held his reaction back so as to not make Flynn question his sanity. He had never really thought of the shared apartment as a home. At least, not before he had made sure his friend is okay.

 

If Flynn ever wanted to be his friend, that is.

 

The drive was silent and, once they had arrived, they did not talk much either - just the essentials as to where Flynn could put what. It was still somewhat early, at two in the afternoon, so the gila just sat on their futon and wrapped himself in one of his new electric blankets. While the lynx himself was used to the cold, he decided to turn on the heater a little higher, figuring a bit of sweating wouldn’t really do him any harm.

 

Flynn turned on the television and surfed a few channels, TJ joining him on the futon. They were half-watching some overrated drama movie as the awkward silence weighed over them.

 

Until Flynn spoke. “Thanks again, Teej. Heh, I owe ya twice.”

 

TJ wanted to, once again, tell him that there was no need for gratitude. But he did acknowledge Flynn could end up never showing this side to him again, so, instead, the lynx smiled, his ears perking up.

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

Both TJ and Jenna were happy later that night, when they finally got to eat something that was not made by a microwave. And, for TJ, knowing that he had helped make a difference again made him feel a little less guilty about hiding the truth from Flynn all those years ago. With that and the knowledge Flynn would not be cold that night - the lizard fast asleep under the blankets they bought him on the unfolded futon in the living room - TJ closed his eyes and slept well for once.

 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Flynn's Mobile Home (and surroundings)

 

 


	9. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flynn has trouble sleeping at night, having dreamt that he had actually died in Echo. After deciding to just watch some late-night TV, TJ walks in on him after having had his own nightmare with the same events. Both of them decide to try and talk about their tense relationship in the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: Altered a few scenes after Osiris (from Discord, not the Egyptian deity) brought to my attention a forgotten detail about Flynn's actions in Echo.
> 
> Once more, I cannot thank those who read this and like it enough. Same goes for Garus, who has the infinite patience to help me edit the usual messy drafts that pass for a chapter and make it more pleasant to read.

**Friendship**

 

Flynn’s keys clinked in his hand and, despite the icy winter winds of mid-November blasting around him, he still felt hot from all the workouts he had been subjected to. He waved and muttered his goodbyes to his coworkers and boss and made his way to his truck.

 

Earlier, Luiz had invited him to join him and the other guys at some night club hidden somewhere south of Denver, a place called ‘The Sweatshop’, which the tegu had said his husband would be judging a gay pole dancing competition. As tempting as it sounded, Flynn was dirt tired and felt like going home, deadset on enjoying a much needed night’s rest before his single weekday off.

 

While driving back to the apartment, the gila could not resist the urge to smile. He could not believe his luck sometimes. Especially after all the crap he had put TJ through, and Jenna’s strife with him, they were still the people who helped him when he needed it. He begrudgingly acknowledged he should admit to Carl that the ram had been right about them - or at least TJ - just wanting to be genuinely friendly with him.

 

He had been living there for a couple of weeks now, and the three of them quickly set a routine which did not bother or interfere with any of their lives in the least. Besides, Flynn knew he could always leave earlier and freshen up at work. Not even Mr. Maitland cared if he showed up like he just got out of his bed, as long as he had cleared up by the time he had to clock in, it was all good.

 

The truck pulled into the usual parking spot Flynn choose, and the gila killed the engine, taking a small gym bag with both his work uniform and his other things and locking his vehicle, making his way into the apartment.

 

Upon opening the door, he turned the lights on, then raised the temperature on the heater. While it did increase the bills, he was happy to turn it up so he would not be freezing. Neither Jenna nor TJ objected. Flynn then looked around, seeing the orderly state everything was in and the door to the fennec’s room firmly closed.

 

Jenna was likely already in bed. Flynn silently closed and locked the door behind himself and went to the duffel bag he had discreetly stashed inside the cabinet used to hold their television, picking out a comfortable pair of black boxers and a plain, gray cotton t-shirt. Upon noticing the lights in the bathroom were on, as well as TJ’s bedroom having its door open, Flynn knew he was likely taking a shower. He would be working until late that day, so it made sense he did not do his evening ritual before Jenna, as he usually did. Flynn sat down on the futon, turned on the television, and waited.

 

Flynn did not feel hungry, despite not having eaten anything during the evening. He figured he should just have a fruit later that night, in case he woke up and felt like raiding the fridge. An apple would do.

 

Figuring that would be just what he’d do, the gila turned his attention back to Hell’s Kitchen, half-watching the british host yelling at the other chefs. The gila did get up and turn off the lights at some point, figuring any penny saved in the electricity bill counted, before going back to watch the television.

 

Eventually, Flynn heard the bathroom door unlocking and turned right in time to see TJ emerging from it, wearing his pajama pants, shirt slung over his shoulder. The lynx stopped and watched the gila with a ‘deer in headlights’ expression, before relaxing and putting his shirt on. “Hey, Flynn,” he smiled awkwardly at him, gesturing to the bathroom behind him, “it’s all yours.”

 

The lizard forced a brief smile and moved to the bathroom. He stopped to wish TJ a good night - to which the lynx responded in kind - and closed the bathroom door behind himself, almost at the same time as the younger male slipped into his bedroom.

 

Not being furry made things much quicker for Flynn, who just did his business, then proceeded to thoroughly wash and clean himself. If anything, he took longer brushing his teeth and - while in the shower - taking care of the eventual need to blow off some steam with a quick jerking session, and he was done.

 

After dabbing himself dry and getting dressed, the gila left the bathroom and turned off its lights, the lights from the television gave the small wave of steam wafting from behind him a B-movie horror vibe and Flynn chuckled - with the shit he had been through, it would take a lot more than the dark and some fog to put him on edge.

 

He unfolded the futon and fetched the folded blankets and pillow from beneath the duffel bag stashed inside the television cabinet. After he was satisfied with his bed making, he shut the radiator and TV off and laid down in the dark, with only the yellow-green LED lights from the DVD player beneath the television, and the fridge and microwave in the kitchen, giving him any clue as to the apartment’s layout.

 

Cocooned in his warm blankets, over the somewhat rough futon surface, but with his head on a fluffy pillow, Flynn quickly drifted off to sleep.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Later that night, after hours of tossing and turning, Flynn finally grunted and decided to sit up on the futon. While he did fall asleep without any problem, it was shallow and restless - the dream of Chase’s hands firmly clasped around his throat as he struggled came to him again after so long. He could feel the cold waters around him, his own bladder losing control as consciousness slipped from his mind, and Chase’s face glaring down, expressionless, at him - his eyes looking nothing like what they usually were, as if the otter were a completely different person.

 

With a sharp breath, he had drowsily woken up, one hand reaching for between his legs. Flynn sighed in relief upon noticing he was dry. While he hadn’t had an accident since he was four, he knew that, sometimes, people would wet themselves if they dreamt they were pissing, so he had always checked after such a nightmare.

 

The gila reached for the remote and turned the television on, surfing a few channels, deciding to avoid the news - last thing he wanted would be to see a recap of all the disgraces of 2017, now that the year was almost over. There were some early Christmas commercials and programming, which had always bothered him with the repetitive cheerfulness - which, in the end, just meant more work for him at the mall, and he finally settled to watch a late-night rerun of some police drama in which, as his boss had told him, they used unrealistic laboratory methods to solve crimes.

 

His mind drifted towards TJ’s reaction that day they dropped by the disgusting shithole he had lived in for the last fourteen months or so. He sometimes really had wondered if it had been worth it, to be saved from death. Granted, he did not want to die, but… what had been left for him?

 

He knew Carl would be sad, and that was actually the only reason he had decided to stick around. Of course, he knew the ram would hate to find out the conditions he had lived in and that, coupled with his shame and overall lack of desire to do anything (including socializing) prevented him from even making contact during the first months in Pueblo.

 

However, Carl had been doing better than back in Echo. He knew the sheep still relied on pot on a weekly basis to cope with life, and still suffered from anxiety. But he was, as far as Flynn could observe, doing way better now that he studied for the career path he had always desired (that and started to put some effort into improving himself).

 

Flynn had no other friends and, to be frank with himself, was not that close to his family. He regretted not having befriended his former roommate Daxton. He also had nobody he loved. Not really. Carl felt like a brother to him and, while they did fool around once in a while, it would be weird to have a relationship with him.

 

He knew he was alone. And, after the incident, even fucking hadn’t brought him the same relief it used to. He would struggle to get hard, his mind drifting into bad places. He would take too long to come and the results were always lackluster.

 

Truly, Flynn had little to live for.

 

And, to make it even worse, was the overwhelming remorse of how he had been mistreating TJ for all those years. TJ, the same man who had saved his life. Twice. While the lynx himself contested the first part - and Flynn knew a lot of weird things had been happening in Echo then - he did not deny the second one. Offering his own place for him to stay, and his money to help him with his rent debts (thankfully, his boss had made sure that would not have been necessary).

 

“Damn… god _damnit_ …!” Flynn sunk his face into the palms of his hands, fingers gripping at the sides and top of his head. So fucking what now? He was alive, only to be living with his guilt and absolutely no future. There had been nothing he planned, no goals or prospects. Nor anything he actually desired to do. He had centered so much of his fucking life around trying to uncover what had happened to Sydney that he realized he had no life at all.

 

All he wanted was for that horrible heartache to stop.

 

His thoughts came to an stop as he heard a door opening behind him. He turned around and found himself face-to-face with TJ. The light of the television gave a faint blue glow to the lynx’s startled face as his hand still held his bedroom door’s handle.

 

They were silent for a few moments, before TJ exhaled and went to the kitchen, looking down at the floor, and opened the fridge without a word, picking the carton of milk and pouring some into a glass. He moved to heat it in the microwave.

 

“Trouble sleeping too, I see.” Flynn broke the silence. It was not a question, since he would feel like an idiot asking the obvious.

 

The lynx’s ears twitched and he turned around, smiling shyly at the gila. “Yeah…”

 

Flynn licked his lips, trying to think on what to say next. “So… been like that for a while?”

 

TJ sighed, looking down at the table standing between him and the futon, effectively dividing the kitchen from the living room. “Since that day in Echo.”

 

“Yeah…” Flynn nodded. The microwave beeped and TJ moved to retrieve his glass of warm milk, blowing on it slightly, then taking a sip. “Me too,” the gila responded.

 

The lynx pulled a chair from the table, the closest one to Flynn, and took a seat. He drank a long gulp of his milk, then placed the glass back on the table, proceeding to rub one of his arms and look down.

 

The awkward silence reigned over the living room. Only the low volume of the cheesy dialogue of the dumb crime series could be heard. Eventually, TJ finished his glass of milk and got up to wash it. Flynn looked at the clock on the wall - it was about two in the morning.

 

Much to his surprise, once TJ was done, he just walked to the futon and placed a hand over the armrest, looking down at his right, as if trying to think of something to say. Flynn decided to beat him to it.

 

“You can sit here, if you want. There’s plenty of room.”

 

For a moment, he thought the lynx would refuse but, much to his surprise, TJ looked at him and nodded. The gila scooted over to the right and TJ slowly lowered himself to the spot he had occupied before. The awkward silence came back.

 

The commercial break rolled in and now they could not pretend to be just watching the show. It was getting unbearable, until TJ finally spoke:

 

“I’m sorry for not having told you.”

 

Flynn felt his heart sink. He could try to brush the subject off, play it dumb, and give TJ a chance to not talk about it. But he knew the lynx was aware he knew what he was talking about. The gila sighed.

 

“Teej…” He started, but the lynx’s ears perked up and he turned to face him, an expression of sorrow and regret on his face. He opened his mouth and Flynn decided to let him speak.

 

“No. I… I’ve been quiet about this for a while, but I never stopped thinking about it. When… when you spent almost an entire year without talking to us, after you left Echo… you have absolutely no idea how I felt. I was so upset. So worried. And, then, I thought, _this must be how he felt those thirteen years since Syd’s death_ … knowing that I knew the truth-”

 

“Teej, we were kids,” Flynn spoke, feeling his heart throbbing in his temples. He also could feel himself starting to tear up, but managed to hold it back. TJ shook his head.

 

“I thought that, if I felt like how I did over not knowing your whereabouts, then just how awful did you feel? You… you put your life on hold since Sydney’s death… and I am sorry.” The lynx unexpectedly placed his paws on Flynn’s shoulders, his head low. Flynn could tell he was holding back tears of his own. “I’m so, so, sorry…”

 

Flynn swallowed, the lynx continued on:

 

“I wish so bad there was some way I could go back and undo it! My silence almost got you killed! Please, Flynn, please, _please_ forgive me!”

 

Flynn looked up and he could see tears running down the lynx’s face, matting his poofy and thick fur, making dark lines down his cheeks and around his muzzle. TJ sniffed. The gila did not know what to do and, eventually, TJ looked down and pulled back from him.

 

Flynn was stunned and only when the lynx muttered an apology, he finally found himself able to speak again.

 

“Teej… fuck. I… I don’t know what to say. It’s not your fault, TJ,” he held his face in his hands again. Fucking great, now he felt even worse.

 

“You saved my life, TJ. If there were any score to be had, I’d be in your debt. I mean… fuck, yeah, you knew what had happened. But you were nine fuckin' years old then. I knew I bullied ya with Syd before… and I treated you like total shit after his death. I didn’t give a damn you were a kid. I wanted to make you speak.” He gave it a pause. It was now or never. “I fuckin' dragged ya to the lake that day!”

 

He now looked at TJ, who did not contest his points in the least, licking his lips and rubbing his eyes with the palm of his right hand. “And, despite all of it, you fucking went on and saved me anyway. TJ, Toby, I… I should be the one asking ya to forgive me.”

 

Flynn’s head hung low in shame. He never liked apologies, but he knew Carl was right: He would never be at peace if he had not confronted that part of him and seeked redemption. And he knew he could help TJ in return.

 

It was the least he could do. And, only recently, Flynn learned how much guilt can hurt.

 

TJ shook his head again. “You owe me nothing, Flynn. Back at the lake, I… I was scared. I… I can’t really explain. It felt weird. I saved you, yet, it wasn’t me. It felt like… like…”

 

“Something forced you to?”

 

The lynx stared at the television, but his gaze was distant. “Yeah…”

 

After a brief moment of silence, TJ spoke once more: “I think none of us were ourselves that day. I… I was scared. Despite everything, I never thought you’d just drag me to your car. That’s not something I imagined you’d do. And with Chase… I don’t think I’d have saved you, not without that… influence, you know?”

 

Was he also under some kind of influence? Flynn liked to think that he wasn’t. But still, Flynn knew himself well enough to know he wouldn’t have gone about getting the truth out of Teej that way, no matter how angry and desperate he was. He could be many, many things, but when the chips are down, Flynn knew he would not take such a huge risk. Deep down, the lizard knew TJ spoke the truth. At least, what the lynx saw as the truth. About all of them.

 

Flynn knew his auntie would have an explanation for this shit, but he could make a decent guess. The lizard shrugged. “Still, I’m here thanks to ya. And, who knows, maybe I would have been a lizard popsicle this winter without you and Jenna to get on my case. Irritating as you guys were.” He forced a smirk. TJ briefly flashed a smile in return, before looking back down at his legs. Flynn could tell the lynx still felt bad.

 

The lizard licked his lips again. They suddenly felt dry. “Still, Teej… I’m sorry for treatin’ ya like shit for all those years. You owe me nothin’.”

 

TJ shrugged and looked at Flynn with a sad smile. “We were children, Flynn.”

 

The gila chuckled. TJ used his line right back at him.

 

“So… do you forgive me?” The lynx asked.

 

Flynn sighed. “Let’s do this: You feel like you owe me. I feel like I owe ya. So let’s call it an even. We ain’t obligated to help each other just ‘cause we have some debt to settle, Teej. We can help each other because it’s…” the lizard hesitated, trying to search for the right words, “because that’s what friends do.”

 

TJ seemed to be in thought, before slowly nodding his head, his smile becoming much more genuine. He looked relieved. Flynn had to admit, the lynx was cute when happy.

 

“So that’s settled.” Flynn smiled and went to pat the lynx on the shoulder. While TJ did not dodge his touch, he saw the lynx lowering his ears and his expression and demeanor becoming tense.

 

“Look, Teej, I know I treated ya like shit for all these years, but there’s none of it in my hands.”

 

TJ looked surprised, then grinned, then burst out laughing. Flynn was afraid he would wake up Jenna, but TJ quickly got a hold of himself, just snorting and chuckling.

 

“Ah… I laughed at that more than I should have.” He leaned forward and took Flynn into a side-hug. Flynn was taken aback, but returned the gesture with his left arm.

 

“And, Flynn… thank you. You don’t know how much it means to me.”

 

“Don’t mention it, Toby.” They let go of each other and went back to watching television. Flynn felt like he had just climbed a mountain.

 

They spent the next half hour in near-silence, but it was comfortable this time. At some point, Flynn got up to get himself something to snack on, picking a cold slice of pizza from the fridge and an apple. He ate the fruit rather quickly and sat back on the futon munching on the slice of mozzarella pizza.

 

The next program that came on was a bad horror movie. Flynn eventually commented the ‘monster’ - some kind of mutated dinosaur - looked like a sock puppet. That got TJ chuckling and, thus, he began riffing the entire movie. At some point, he could swear TJ was going to choke. He had to admit, it felt good when they were just chilling and enjoying each other’s company.

 

Soon, the commercials came back on and Flynn was starting to eat the crust, when TJ spoke once more:

 

“So… does that mean we’re friends?”

 

Flynn swallowed what he had been eating and made an exaggerated thoughtful expression, rubbing his chin.

 

“Hmmm… I dunno.... oh, wait! I’m laughing while mocking this crappy horror movie with the guy I’ve been through hell and back with. Jesus Christ, I wonder.” He smirked at TJ. The lynx chuckled and shook his head.

 

“Yeah, I know, it’s a dumb question. I mean… I knew there’s a lot of things we needed to get over, so... I just wanted to make sure,” he said apologetically. Flynn raised his hand.

 

“Don’t sweat it, Teej.”

 

He never figured things between them would end up like that. The duo settled down in a comfortable silence after that. Flynn knew that they really had some things left unspoken, small barriers between each other, but they could get over it in time. While a small pang of guilt crept back, it was quickly brushed aside after he found another opportunity to mock the old trope of the movie’s good guy sacrificing himself so the good girl would live.

 

“Know, if I wasn’t broke as heck, I would pay good cash to see the jerky, beefy guy realistically being the one who survives the killer, instead of the chick who’s never swung a baseball bat before, know what I mean, Teej?” He obtained no answer.

 

“TJ?” Flynn looked to his left, to find TJ had, at some point, fallen asleep. He blinked, then sighed softly. He quietly shuffled from beneath his blankets and picked one of them for himself, covering his sleeping friend with the other.

 

“Good night, TJ.” Flynn spoke softly, then turned his attention back to the TV.

 


	10. (Friend)Shipper on Deck! (Pt I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to see a bit of Jenna's concern with the growing friendship between Flynn and TJ - will the lizard go back to his old ways and hurt the lynx? She ultimately decides to seek advice on the matter.

**(Friend)Shipper on Deck! (Pt. I)**

 

_“Saturday… the day I only work for four hours.”_

 

Jenna took a deep breath and sighed in satisfaction at the thought.

 

When they opened the clinic, she and Carla figured that not working all of Saturday would be good for sparing them higher electricity and water bills _and_ having the rest of the day free for their own mental health - without depriving those who desperately needed therapy from their services.

 

Jenna pushed the thick light-blue blanket off and sat on her bed with a sharp breath and a yawn. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and got up, ready to make her bed, pick her clothes for the day and check if everything she needed was in her purse before she took a nice warm shower.

 

Flynn did not work today and she knew he could be sleeping in, meaning no really tasty breakfast. The fennec did not mind. She had seen with her own eyes what he had been through and figured she should cut Flynn some slack.

 

Unless he screwed up again, that is. Try as she might, Jenna did not consider herself prejudiced against the gila, even if Carla may have brushed on the subject before. With a shake of her head, she attempted to drive the thought away.

 

All of her purse’s contents seemed to be order. Even though she rarely forgot anything, the fox always preferred to make sure anyway. Her mind drifted back to Flynn and how their dynamic had been in the last few years. Maybe she _should_ talk to Carla, as an older, more experienced friend and fellow professional, about it. She knew that she had cut the owl off before, when she attempted to engage on the subject. But now TJ seemed to have grown a lot closer to Flynn and she worried about it, mostly about the lynx in case the gila reverted to his old ways.

 

Yes, Carla would know what to do. She knew it would not be exactly ethical to chat with TJ’s therapist about it, but Jenna couldn’t help but be reluctant considering the gila’s past behavior.

 

She bundled her clean clothes beneath her arm and opened her bedroom door, when an unusual sight caught her attention: TJ’s bedroom door was slightly ajar. _‘Did TJ wake up early?’_

 

Jenna debated whether it would be right or not to peek, before deciding to lean into Tobias’ room. Empty, the bed unmade. She then went to the bathroom in a hurry and placed her clothes over the toilet lid, before she actually paid attention at the living room.

 

It was then that she saw something she never could have imagined in a million years:

 

On the futon, right by a sleeping, gently snoring Flynn, laid TJ. The lynx was sleeping as well, looking quite peaceful and with his mouth hanging slightly open, almost like a child. She always thought he looked adorable when sleeping like that, even if the drooling embarrassed him.

 

Jenna already knew nothing had happened between them. She would have been able to smell the musk and pheromones in the air, had they actually...

 

Furthermore, she would sure as hell hear it - the walls of their apartment were paper-thin. Flynn had even commented once, much to her embarrassment, that she had sounded like ‘the Battle of Normandy’ one day when a taco did not agree with her.

 

After standing there watching them for a while, it dawned on Jenna how creepy it was to just be there and the fennec scurried back to her bedroom, taking her phone from her purse and rushing back, trying to make the least amount of noise possible, and snapped a picture of them. The fox made a mental note to try and contact Carl - maybe he would know something she did not.

 

And she definitely had to talk to Carla later.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Once Jenna walked out from her shower, she found Flynn well awake, making their breakfast with TJ in a chair holding his work uniform bundled up on his lap. The futon was folded back into its couch configuration. Neither of them acted like anything different had happened, except they both seemed less stiff around each other, more comfortable with sharing the same space. The fennec had to admit it was a weird sight to her.

 

“Good morning, Jenna.” TJ smiled as he got to his feet. She returned his greetings and, before she could think of any discreet way to try and figure out what happened, the lynx slipped by with an ‘excuse me’ and entered the bathroom. She sighed and walked to the breakfast table.

 

Flynn promptly turned around and placed a tasty-looking pancake on her plate. His only greeting was a nod, and she smiled and nodded in return. The gila promptly turned around and started working on another pancake, most likely meant for himself.

 

“So…” Jenna started, trying her best to sound neutral, “did you sleep well? I notice you and TJ seem to be in a good mood today.”

 

The lizard grunted. “It’s my day off. Of course I’m in a good mood. I admit I’ll likely take a nap once you both leave, though. I did stay up a few hours late last night.”

 

“Oh?” Jenna feigned surprise and filled her glass and Flynn’s with orange juice. The gila thanked her and took his seat across from the fennec, immediately digging into his still-hot pancake.

 

“Yeah, and, as it turns out, so did TJ. So we spent a couple of hours chatting and watching bad movies.”

 

“Oh, really?” The vixen said with some disinterest. So, in the end, absolutely nothing had happened. But she still could tell both of them acted as if some last invisible barrier between them had been torn down. Flynn looked at her with one raised brow and she immediately knew he had figured what she had been attempting to do. Jenna decided to let the matter drop and thanked the lizard for making them breakfast.

 

Soon, they finished their breakfast and Flynn started washing the dishes. After a little while, TJ walked out of the bathroom from his shower and Flynn took his turn. The fennec glanced at the clock and decided it was time to leave. She bid TJ a good day and left to drive to the clinic.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Work hours couldn’t have gone any slower, and Jenna could barely contain a joyful ‘yes!’ once the clock pointed 12 PM. Mary, her last patient, had been gone five minutes and she spent the short wait nervously alternating her gaze between the clock and her phone.

 

As much as she’s TJ’s friend, she knows there are things he may not want her to know and Jenna respected that, knowing the owl would not give any unwanted details. Still, she hoped to get her second opinion on Flynn and TJ’s sudden reconciliation.

 

Well, ‘sudden’ was not the correct term: It took them the last few months to reach this point. She could see them prodding and poking at each other’s barriers, testing their limits, and generally acting as if trying to talk about something serious.

 

It was also what intrigued her: What could this subject be that made things better so fast? Clearly, it was something that had been left unsaid for a long time. Perhaps years. Was it related to Sydney? Flynn already knew the truth, from when TJ himself spoke to him in the hospital and at the lake.

 

Did Flynn apologize? Most unlikely. Jenna knew he never apologized, even when it was clear as day he was wrong. The gila would dodge the subject or try to justify himself, but she had never seen him a uttering an apology. At least, not what she considered a real one.

 

Then again, he had gone through quite a lot. The fennec started to ponder as she made her way to the now empty reception and sat down on the vacant bench, waiting for Carla to be done with her own paperwork. Jenna knew that, perhaps, this outsider perspective would be just what she needed to figure it all out.

 

And make sure TJ didn’t err in befriending Flynn.

 

Deep down, Jenna recognized that she could be judging the lizard a bit too unfairly. She knew Flynn could be manipulative - or, at least, always perceived him as such. But after his near-death, it all felt so much more difficult.

 

And he did not seem manipulative when he lived in conditions that reminded her of her own miserable childhood. If anything, the gila looked defeated and even vulnerable. Especially when he had agreed to move.

 

With a nod, the vixen confirmed to herself: Carla would know what to make of it. But she knew asking the owl about this subject so directly would result in a lecture. She almost envied the way her coworker could act using solely logic but, sometimes, Jenna still liked to trust her own instincts.

 

But what if her instincts were wrong this time? After all, she never figured things would have gone the way they did, both in Echo and recently. ‘ _Aaaaaand, I’m back to where I started,’_ she thought bitterly.

 

Carla’s door opened and the owl came out. She wore her usual gray suit and skirt combo, a small black purse under her right arm. She locked her office and turned to face the fox.

 

“I’m ready if you are,” a hint of smile showed in her face briefly, before her expression went back to its usual stoicism. Jenna smiled and they both got up, locking the clinic behind them and going to their cars. It wasn’t necessary to ask if she wanted to have lunch with her - either of them usually said they had other plans otherwise. In fact, both coworkers had previously decided to get lunch, then visit a few book stores that day. Carla wanted some book detailing a man’s ‘true story’ about the time he had worked in some haunted hospital. She knew the owl loved such reading.

 

Jenna herself wanted to check out any new mangas coming out and pick the newest issue of the one she had been currently reading before bed. It was a guilty pleasure for her, to read steamy yaoi stories, but she could not help it and the previous issue had ended in a horrible cliffhanger.

 

They both drove to the usual restaurant they had their usual lunch meeting. It was raining and the air smelled of mildew and fresh earth, even well inside the restaurant - the smell of cooked food mixing in with the smell coming from the rainy outdoors.

 

The sound of rain had always been soothing to Jenna. She believed that it was for most people, considering she had heard her friends saying something similar before. They sat down and placed their orders. Now Carla folded her taloned hands and stared at the fennec like a predator. Jenna swallowed.

 

“You have been quiet today, Jenna. Is something bothering you?” The owl tilted her head, as her ancestors did when observing a tasty mouse. Even if Jenna was a predator herself, she still felt slightly unnerved by the kinds of looks other predators could give sometimes.

 

“Actually, I was just thinking about Tobias,” Jenna started, “I’m impressed to see just how well he’s been lately. And, apparently, he and Flynn have become… very friendly lately.”

 

Carla nodded. “Well, that is good.” She leaned back as the waiter arrived with their orders, and proceeded to cut a bit of her fish. Jenna knew the owl would not say anything else on the matter unless she continued on. The fennec took a bite of her own fish and used her time chewing to think on how to continue.

 

Once she swallowed, the younger woman spoke once more: “He still has nightmares from time to time, as we both know would happen. Apparently, last night he had one and Flynn had been awake. Whatever happened last night brought them closer.”

 

“Interesting,” the owl raised one brow and Jenna decided to just show her. Fishing in her purse for her phone, the fennec quickly unlocked it and opened the desired image, then handed the device to her colleague.

 

Carla tilted her head and hummed in thought. After zooming in and out in various different spots, she handed it back to Jenna. “Hmm… it appears they had just what amounts to a sleepover. It is quite telling about how far they’ve come if Tobias trusts this man well enough to sleep in the same bed as him. A sign he may be improving,” The owl handed the cellphone back.

 

“It’s not that,” Jenna put her phone back into her purse. “I just never imagined that would happen. Between them, I mean.”

 

The avian tented her taloned fingers, humming again. After a long silence, she sighed and took a couple more bites of her food. “From what both you and Tobias told me about this Flynn, he wanted closure about the death of that Sydney person. I believe that, since he has it now, there would be no logical reason for him to hold any hostility against Tobias. And Tobias clearly had the desire to make amends between them. Maybe that went past a simple apology and reconciliation and evolved into an actual friendship. It means they solved their past issues. It is good to hear they became friends.”

 

Jenna frowned slightly, trying to make sense of what Carla had just said. While it did make sense, she did not know Flynn as well as she did.

 

“I know, but… I mean, isn’t that, you know, risky?”

 

“How so?”

 

“You see. Flynn… has a rough personality. And, TJ, he isn’t really anything like that.”

 

The owl did not skip a beat. “Well perhaps, but don’t you think he knows what he wants in a friend? He _is_ twenty-two, Jenna.”

 

“Twenty-one,” the vixen corrected Carla.

 

The owl shrugged. “Still, he is considered an adult by about every country around the globe. Now, don’t think I’m downplaying how important you are for his mental health or as his friend. Far from it. I am just telling you that it is not good to just stay within your comfort zone and never take a risk. I believe both your common sense and your work experience has taught you that.”

 

Jenna did not feel hungry anymore. Her ears struggling to stay up, she picked at her food with a fork, a troubled and thoughtful expression on her face.

 

Now Carla looked at her with a more sympathetic expression. She reached one of her hands to Jenna’s shoulder. “Look, Jenna, I know you are worried about your friend. He is a great young man. But you should just be there for him if, somehow, things turn sour. However, from what both you and Tobias have told me, he has been rather loyal to that friend of his. Carl, wasn’t it?”

 

“Yes, Carl. And I know…” The fennec started to ponder on what she would do now. She knew Carla had a point. Maybe she was, indeed, wrong about both TJ and Flynn. Maybe it would be better for the lynx to expand his horizons and befriend someone that could prepare him to handle more adversity in life - and back him up in ways she could not. She had been wrong about Flynn once - why not give him the benefit of the doubt?

 

Speaking of ‘backing him in ways she could not…’

 

No, it was a stupid notion. She did not even know if TJ was into that. And flat-out asking the lynx about it was out of question.

 

“Earth to Jenna.” Carla called in her deadpan voice. The fennec shook her head and blinked at her.

 

“I asked if you are going to finish your fish. We still have to go to the bookstore.”

 

“Ah, right, right.” Jenna proceeded to eat more mechanically. Her mind swimming with ideas she wished she did not have, but her inner high school self was squeeing in delight with these thoughts. Still, just a brief chat with Carla and her own common sense had told her the possibility of the two becoming an item happening was as likely as the existence of ghosts.

 

Maybe she had been reading too much manga. 

 

Thanks to the rain, it looked like late afternoon or early evening, despite it being only one in the afternoon by the time they both left the restaurant. Chances are they would have heavier rain for the rest of the day.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Two hours had passed and the two women were still inside the bookstore, both waiting for the rain to dwindle and because they had ended up finding way more interesting reading material than they had intended to purchase when they had first arrived.

 

All the while, Jenna mused about her own fear of the possibility of a closer relationship between TJ and Flynn. As much as she feared for the lynx’s emotional health, her more reasonable side knew there was little chance of Flynn going back to his old ways. And if they grew into close friends, there could be an additional benefit for TJ to have another person to help him with his worries…

 

“Know, I’ve been thinking,” Jenna finally spoke. The owl glanced from the book about British ghost stories she had been reading with a ‘hm’. The fennec then said:

 

“If they do, indeed, become close friends… that means I won’t have to worry so much about TJ. And it’d leave me time to try and apply to a job that takes more of my time, but is more fulfilling for me.”

 

“Hmm…” Carla closed the book and re-shelved it. Once again, the owl was immobile, her expression stoic. It was as if she stopped all activity when she had been deep in thought, except for those piercing eyes of hers, gazing at Jenna from behind her small round glasses perched on her beak.

 

“Makes sense,” she finally said with a short nod. “Now let’s pick what we came here for and get out before the rain gets stronger again.

 

The owl quickly placed three books in her arm - the one she wanted and two more, one about the criminally insane, and another about - oddly enough - gardening.

 

Jenna hastened herself to the comics and manga section. She never liked how they jumbled them together, feeling that manga was its special category that, although used the similar panel format, should never be considered an average comic book. She quickly found what she came for, grimacing at her own stupidity for ever considering, however briefly, that her roommates were more than just friends.

 

She had to admit the cover art with the tiger and wolf protagonists embracing, with only their Scout hats and skimpy green shorts was very well-drawn. She had to later read more about the cover artist.

 

“I have to say, it’s kinda cute to picture those two together, though,” the vixen heard Carla speaking behind her. With a start, Jenna turned around, doing her best to not lower her ears, figuring she already looked embarrassed beyond belief.

 

“Wha-? I don’t even…!” 

 

“What, ‘what’?” The owl now tilted her head, confused.

 

“I mean, do you really think that?”

 

“Um, well, yeah. While I don’t read manga I’m not averse to sappy romance,” the owl gestured to the cover of the manga issue Jenna held in her hand.

 

“Ah, yes, that does look cute,” the vixen eagerly nodded, wanting to drop the subject.

 

Carla tilted her head the other way now, and Jenna sighed inwardly - that meant the owl was about to ask a question.

 

“What were you thinking I was talking about?” Her coworker’s tone sounded genuinely confused.

 

“Sorry, I’m just distracted,” Jenna replied. It was not a lie.

 

The older woman nodded at her in acknowledgement and they moved to the line of people waiting to pay for their books, Jenna all the while thinking about the pros and cons of TJ befriending Flynn for real.

 

In the end, as she paid for her manga, the fennec figured it was worth a shot. She realized that, in hindsight, it was weird how she never bothered asking Carl about his friend. If anyone knew that lizard best, it would have been Carl.

 

Satisfied with her own idea, Jenna bid her farewell to Carla and walked to her car, planning to drive straight home.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The drive home was short enough and Jenna quickly found herself opening the door to their shared apartment. Once she got in, it was clear that Flynn had been busy in his free day: The smell of fish being cooked wafted from the kitchen and the entire place was spotless, the little dust that had been collecting on their television gone.

 

And the lizard in question was there, sitting at the small table, the one closest to the oven, while quietly watching television with TJ. The lynx looked tired, like he always did when coming back from his temporary gig, and both men turned to face her as she got in. “Hey guys.”

 

“Hello, Jenna!” TJ waved with a smile. Flynn’s greetings were a little less warm, just a nod and muttering ‘Jenna’. The fennec quickly went to her room in order to place her purse and the small plastic bag with her manga on the light brown nightstand, before going back to the living room and easing herself down on the couch. While she had been in the small corridor leading to the bedrooms and bathroom, Jenna could pick out the faint smell of cleaning products coming from the bathroom. Apparently, Flynn had done more than just dust everything.

 

It was good, both for them and for Flynn - since it might mean he finally got over that sour mood he had been in, back in his mobile home.

 

Jenna chuckled at herself, trying to analyze her roommate. She knew he’d hate to read her thoughts. As much as she had butted heads with him in the past, the vixen knew how to appreciate favors.

 

“Thanks for tidying up the place, Flynn,” she smiled at him. The gila looked at her with some disbelief in his face, before forcing a smile and a nod.

 

“Don’t mention it. I was just bored,” he shrugged. Jenna smiled in return.

 

“How was your day, TJ?” She turned her attention to the lynx, and Flynn excused himself to check on their dinner. TJ looked at her with his brows raised and sighed briefly.

 

“It was okay… I just caught a shoplifter, but he was bigger than I am, so he just pushed me and ran away. The cops caught him, though.” he smiled shyly.

 

“I hate when they try that,” came Flynn’s voice from the kitchen, as he carried the small cooking pot he had been using to the table. Both Jenna and TJ got up and moved to help him, putting out the plates, glasses and cutlery. The gila then grabbed a larger bowl full of tabbouleh salad and placed it in the middle of the table.

 

TJ busied himself with cutting oranges and squeezing them to make juice. “I presume you deal with shoplifters often,” Jenna spoke as she took her seat. Flynn nodded in return.

 

“On a near daily basis. There’s not much to it, to be honest. We just try to stop them and either convince them to return the stolen items or stall them until the cops arrive. We have to be careful since, y’know, security guards have no actual authority. I wonder what the point of us even is.”

 

“I heard that just the presence of uniformed employees acts as a deterrent to most people,” TJ piped in, bringing the jar of juice to the table and sitting down. They started to serve themselves.

 

“Maybe, but I find it’s kinda stupid to be there and, yet, not being able to actually stop them without risking a lawsuit or jail,” the gila shrugged.

 

“First, what TJ said is right: There’s research proving that the presence of you guys drops the number of shoplifting by half. And if security guards had more authority, who’s to say they wouldn’t abuse it?”

 

Instantly, Jenna knew it was a mistake. Flynn tensed briefly in mid-serving himself some of the delicious-smelling fish he had prepared. His eyes briefly focused on Jenna and she could tell he had some comeback, but decided to let it fly and finished serving himself. TJ, meanwhile, was busy saying his grace before eating.

 

They started digging in, but TJ piped into the conversation after he was done with chewing and swallowing his first forkful of tabbouleh:

 

“I suppose they would just have to start a more thorough hiring process in that case. I just think it’s unfair that most companies won’t even give some kind of legal assurance to their employees.”

 

Flynn nodded. “Agreed. I know of cases where security guards ended up having to shoot some armed criminal to save themselves or other people and they still got sent to prison for it.”

 

Jenna grimaced. She was not very fond of where the topic was going. Especially since TJ seemed to be agreeing with Flynn - last thing she wanted would be to express her thoughts about less forceful alternatives and risk starting an argument.

 

So, for once, she had to admit it was better to retreat. “I suppose those things are so complicated there’s no real ‘one size fits all’ solution.”

 

“Good point,” Flynn agreed and TJ let out a ‘mhm’ as he chewed more of his salad. Whew, crisis averted.

 

“So, Teej, when do you think you’ll be back to being the Furies’ physiotherapist?” Flynn asked.

 

TJ swallowed with a loud ‘gulp’ noise and licked his lips. “As soon as mid-January. I’d actually still be with them, but they have little to no cash, so Coach Todd decided to give us a two month break - which means he disbanded us for now - to save it. Practice starts again by day fifteen or so of January and goes on until around September. That’s where the next year’s game season will most likely start and Coach Todd wanted us to practice hard until then. Who knows, we may make it to the top-twenty this year,” he smiled in a self-depreciative manner.

 

“Do you think you may end up having to find a better-paying job somewhere?” Flynn asked.

 

“Actually, yes, Todd and I talked about that before. We could always move on to another high school team, like Pueblo Southside or Pueblo Central. Maybe try and get our best players transferred to it,” he shrugged, “I still think it’s kinda sad, though. Those kids work very hard, yet, we haven’t achieved any victories in the last season.”

 

“Well, I can say I know the feeling,” The lizard replied dryly.

 

“Yeah…” Jenna added in a thoughtful manner. The three of them chuckled bitterly.

 

“Well, at least that’s what friends are for. So we can be together and try to forget all this shit the world throws at us,” Flynn shrugged, “and maybe befriend someone who’s a bigger loser than we are so we feel better about ourselves.” Flynn paused for a second. “Guess that would be me, the mall security guard with no degree, huh?.” He grinned at the lynx.

 

TJ had been sipping from his juice and grunted in acknowledgement, but there was no hint of amusement in his expression at Flynn’s self-deprecating half-joke.

 

Once he had finally stopped, Jenna could see he was deep in thought, ears hung low. “A degree does not measure the worth of a person, Flynn. You know that.”

 

The lizard shrugged. “The job market’s definitely thinking different,” Flynn smiled, but his eyes showed no hint of mirth.

 

“Hm, if the job market were a person, they’d be your former landlord.” TJ said wryly. Flynn immediately burst out laughing long and loud, rubbing his hand over his eyes. It took the gila a few seconds to settle down. “Crap, the worst part is you’re completely right, Teej. Nice one.” TJ looked pleased at the change in mood. 

 

Jenna watched it all with some relief. _Maybe this can work out after all._.

 

Later that night, after they were done with dinner and washing the dishes, Jenna excused herself to her bedroom. She figured it would be good to let them grow closer without her hovering around.

 

Still, just to make sure, she picked her phone and hesitated a little, before texting Carl.

 

_“Hey Carl. Are you awake?”_

 

_“yup”_

 

_“Awesome. Listen, have you noticed TJ and Flynn have gotten pretty close lately?”_

 

It took a little longer, before her phone buzzed with the reply.

 

_“yup. what about it?”_

 

Jenna bit her lower lip in thought. She hoped to not word her question wrong and have Carl tell Flynn - if they were growing to be real friends, this could really put a wrench in the works.

 

_“I’m glad that they got over their past issues. I have to admit, I’m just a bit worried. I mean, you know how Flynn can be at times. And Teej’s sensitive. I just don’t want TJ to get hurt.”_

 

The fennec hesitated a little, then finally sent the message. Now it took a little while for Carl to reply and, for a moment, she feared he might have been texting Flynn about their exchange. Then her phone buzzed again.

 

_“look, we’ve been friends for years. I know u and Flynn weren’t exactly besties and dude has his moments at times where u wanna punch him, but I srsly don’t think he’s this jerk you’ve built him up 2 be. Flynn has helped me a lot in the past, specially to get over my own issues, u know.”_

 

Something to consider, Jenna admitted. Her phone buzzed once more.

 

_“why do u ask?”_

 

She blinked at the message and figured it would be better to spill the beans.

 

_“Well, woke up today, went to the living room and saw this. They spent the whole night watching tv together and talking.”_

 

With the text, Jenna attached the picture she had taken that morning. After the message arrived, it took only a couple of seconds for Carl to respond:

 

_“hahaha, wow. I’ll love 2 see Flynn’s reaction when I show this 2 him! thanks, Jenna!”_

 

Oh, God, what had she done? The fox felt like facepalming. Well, it was too late to undo now, anyway.

 

_“Just don’t pick on him too much, alright?”_

 

_“fine, fine. good nite 2 u.”_

 

_“Night.”_

 

Jenna sighed, suddenly realizing that her day had ended and began the same way, but with this sigh being one of mild worry and weariness instead of satisfaction. With that thought, Jenna let her head fall on her pillow and reached for the plastic bag on the nightstand, figuring she would do some light reading before going to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendshipping is still shipping, guys ;D


	11. (Friend)Shipper on Deck! (Pt. II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After talking to Jenna about their friends in common sleeping together, Carl figures he could ease her worries by watching their interactions in their weekly hangout in his dorm room.

**(Friend)Shipper on Deck! (Pt. II)**

 

Carl had finished wishing Jenna a good night and turned to his side on his bed. It was not like he felt sleepy, but the ram knew it would be better if he got some rest anyway. He had already acquired a passing grade for that semester, but had decided to still attend the rest of the classes he had just so he could earn some extra credit.

 

Working with art was tough and he knew he’d need very good grades to have a better chance of getting a career in the field. It was no big deal, however - Carl gelt genuinely amazed at how working on something he enjoyed felt like a hobby.

 

He also decided to have both Flynn and TJ over later that week. Just to hang out a little and play some games. The ram entertained the idea of teasing his friends about the picture Jenna had just sent him, but decided to play it safe and not start a situation that could upset the lynx.

 

There would be plenty of opportunities to annoy the gila. Carl chuckled to himself briefly, before feeling a tinge of sadness, his grin quickly dying. He did not really like how Jenna felt so unsure about Flynn befriending TJ. Sure, Teej and his friend hadn’t been besties back then, but it saddened the ram that Jenna had pictured Flynn as some sort of monster.

 

Yeah, he could be a pain in the ass sometimes. Sometimes he’d want to punch him (and sometimes he actually did prod his belly hard enough to hit the lizard’s internal testes), but Flynn was a good dude. He really did help him through a lot, in his worst moments, when nobody else bothered. He also knew and respected his limits - which would be something good for TJ. That impromptu ‘birthday party’ in his house still left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth.

 

If Teej and Flynn had really gotten over their past issues, then Carl knew the gila would be a great friend to him, in time. He figured that hanging out with them had been, accidentally, a great idea. He could see how they interacted and, depending on what happened, he could approach the lizard in private later to talk about it. It was an interesting situation, to be the one helping Flynn. And, while Carl usually hesitated to take any kind of responsibility, the ram was surprisingly at peace with that notion. Not only would he be paying his friend back for all the emotional support Flynn had given him, but helping TJ as well. With a grunt as he pulled the covers over himself, Carl decided that he would accept that role and help his lizard friend.

 

And, of course, tease him at the first opportunity about his little sleepover with TJ.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

After classes that day, Carl spotted Chase down the corridors leading to the dormitories, but the otter was leaving and did not see him. Part of him felt some relief at that, but he was in a good enough mood that he felt he wouldn’t have broken down afterwards if he had to converse with the otter. As long as he did not try to rope him into any heavy talk, that was.

 

The ram had pretty simple plans for the day: Use his phone to call for any car willing to go downtown to the nearest marijuana dispensary, get his legally allowed amount, and get back to his room. His idea of a decent afternoon would be to finish his assignments - simply drawing the logos for fictional companies that time - and then maybe get high as a reward for a job well-done and make another video for his vtube channel.

 

He left his room after taking a quick shower and almost walked into Chase as soon as he opened the door.

  
  
“Holy shit!” Carl reeled back a little. “What is it, Chase?”

 

“Oh, uh, sorry, Carl, I was gonna ask you if you were at last week’s ‘arts and media’ lecture.” The otter looked sheepish.

 

“Yeah...? Why?” Upon closer look, Chase seemed about as tired, worn out and defeated as Flynn had been in that picture Jenna had sent him, when she had first ran into him in the mall so long ago. The otter’s usually sad eyes were now tired and distant as well, his shoulders slumped as he clearly struggled to keep eye contact with Carl - not that the ram had been much better at it.

 

“I had to leave to do a bit of freelance work, so could I borrow your notes? If you’re not using them, I mean…”

 

The ram blinked as he was brought back to reality from his musings. “Huh? Yeah, yeah, give me a minute.”

 

He quickly entered his dorm room and searched for the right notebooks and the extra books he had purchased to study for finals. He didn’t need them now anyway, so he quickly gathered them all and handed them to the otter, who seemed to almost let the heavy bundle drop from his arms. “Here ya go, dude.”

 

“Thanks. So, Carl… how’s it going?”

 

Carl could tell Chase was genuinely curious. The otter did not have that many friends before, and after everything, he had withdrawn within himself. All of them did, in a way. Ironically, Flynn and TJ - as well as himself recently - had been the ones to function more or less normally.

 

“Fine! Fine. How ‘bout yourself?”

 

Chase shifted his weight from one foot to another. “I’m… alright.”

 

“Alright,” was all Carl could think of answering. They stood there awkwardly for a few more moments.

 

“Well, take care, Chase,” Chase smiled at that - a smile Carl had to admit looked awkwardly forced and that didn’t quite reach his eyes - and nodded briefly, turning around and walking back to his own dorm room without another word.

 

The ram sighed in relief and decided to spend a few more minutes in his room. He had enough time to leave for his planned afternoon activities - just a little trip and then he’d be back in the safety of his own room. And playing Plant Simulator on VR for his fans.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The next couple of days went by relatively fast, and the only thing Carl left his room for was to meet Flynn during his lunch breaks - sadly, TJ’s job at WellMart did not leave him time to go see the lizard as well - during which he teased him about that picture.

 

The gila’s reaction had been priceless. Flynn had stopped and blinked a few times, as if trying to understand what he had been seeing. Then he finally asked:

 

“Why the fuck did Jenna even take this picture?”

 

Carl shrugged, grinning broadly. “Beats me. Maybe to serve as a memento to your and Teej’s first sleepover? Whatever the reason, it’s adorable!”

 

“ Go fuck yourself.” Despite his words,  Flynn blushed hard with what looked like embarrassment and annoyance. He clenched and unclenched his fists, before just crossing his arms and giving Carl an indignant scowl.

 

“Come on, dude! You shouldn’t be this defensive… unless you’re trying to teach TJ your ways.” The ram wiggled his eyebrows.

 

“Oh yeah? Maybe I am. Would you be jealous of that?” The lizard forced a grin, but it was clear he was still embarrassed at the fact Jenna took a picture of them sleeping and showed him.

 

“Chill, I’m just messin’ with ya, dude! And besides, you gotta admit, Teej’s kinda cute with his whole embarrassed schoolgirl gimmick .” He continued teasing.

 

Flynn’s smile dropped and Carl knew he had reached that limit. The limit past which any more jokes could result in the gila whipping him with his tail.

 

“Yeah, he is.” Flynn shrugged.

 

_What?_

 

“But come on, it’s just like those times we just played games and I crashed at your place.”

 

“You know what happened after a while during some of those times, right?” Carl muttered his question.

 

Flynn rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, laugh all ya want. You know what I fucking mean.”

 

“Alright, dude, I’ll stop,” the ram pocketed his phone. Both of them found themselves in a comfortable silence, only broken by the occasional joke as they people-watched. Winter had fallen over Pueblo, and while it did not really snow there, the dull gray cast by the winter’s cloudy skies contrast greatly with the people going about their business with their colourful outfits.

 

Sometimes, they would find this or that person that looked vaguely like a celebrity and comment on it. But during the predominant silence, Carl could not help but wonder if any of these people were satisfied with their lives.

 

It was not that he wasn’t satisfied with his lot. Most of the days as of late, the sheep found himself _content_. Which was still miles better than how he usually felt back in Echo. Still, he had to admit he had no clue as to what he would do once college ended.

 

Art was a difficult career path to follow, after all.

 

“So,” Carl broke the silence once more, “will you and TJ drop by this Saturday?”

 

Flynn grunted and nodded. “Yeah. Pretty fucking rare for us both to have a free day at the same time.”

 

“This is gonna be great!” The ram grinned. Flynn showed him a brief smile.

 

“We could teach you how to use the VR set and maybe even play a few games together. Or we could just pick a few bad movies for us to mock. Y’know, you should try to make a vtube channel. Your commentary on movies and games would give ya a lot of views.”

 

“I’m not good at being funny, y’know.” The lizard looked at his new wristwatch, which had replaced the one he had pawned when he first arrived at Pueblo. Carl knew what it meant.

 

“Seeya Saturday, Flynn.” The ram gave Flynn a quick side-hug. Flynn patted his shoulder.

 

“Bye, Carl.” The gila nodded and the ram watched him leave for the employees’ entrance, before fishing his phone from the pockets of his cargo pants and opening the app to get a cab. On the way back to the campus, all the ram could think about was about Flynn’s odd reaction to his teasing.

 

The Flynn he knew would just taunt him in return or tell him to fuck off, but not get so defensive, almost shy about it. Neither would he have said that Toby of all people was cute.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Saturday finally came, and with it, Flynn and TJ. Carl checked the parking lot and felt a small sense of relief to see Chase’s car was not present. Last thing he needed was to have all of them running into the otter.

 

He had made sure to get snacks for the three of them, to pick up a few funny games for his VR headset which neither Flynn nor TJ would object to (he had been more concerned with the latter’s dislike for anything with violence or nudity - the lynx had been squeamish even with cartoony violence), and now the ram just busied himself with reading and managing comments on his Let’s Play channel during the few hours he had before his friends showed up.

 

As it always seemed to be when he had busied himself just to pass the time, Carl found himself finished with his task with some time yet to go before his two guests would show up. Since Chase was nowhere around and the campus was pretty much empty that time of the year, the ram decided to wait for them outside.

 

Thankfully, it had not taken long for Flynn’s truck to pull into the parking lot and the lizard and the lynx to get out of it. Flynn said something to TJ, but Carl could not hear it from the distance, only noticing that the feline shrugged and gave a half-smile in response. The ram waved and both his friends soon spotted him, TJ waving in return as they walked over.

 

“‘Sup, Carl.” Flynn smiled and gave the ram a brief hug and a pat on the back. TJ simply said ‘hello’ and gave a clumsy fist-bump once the ram extended his arm with his fist closed to him, only two of their knuckles touching.

 

“I have a perfect game for you, dude!” Carl chuckled as they made their way to his room, “It’s called ‘Freight Delivery Simulator’. In it, you can either be a trucker or just load and unload freight.”

 

The gila rolled his eyes. “Oh, yeah, because working in real life wasn’t enough, I gotta work in fucking VR too.”

 

“But there’s a catch: The player character is drunk and you have to steady the fragile cargo to not lose money. You can’t drop the crates or fall. C’mon, guys, it’ll be fun.”

 

“I played it once,” TJ piped in, “it’s hard, but I found it funny how you could go around the warehouse, bumping into the other workers and stuff.”

 

The ram shook his head in amusement at the memory. “I just wish you guys weren’t camera-shy. I’d love to have ya make an appearance in some of my videos.”

 

“Eugh, why? So every fucking moron on the internet will see me making an ass of myself?” Flynn forced a grimace, but his tone made it clear he was just teasing his friend.

 

TJ shrugged. “Eh, not really my thing, sorry.”

 

“Aw, not even just the gameplay and your voices?” Carl tried to look hurt, but it only made him look like he had been pouting. The lynx chuckled.

 

“Alright, I’ll think about it sometime.”

 

“Yes! How about you, dude?” He asked Flynn. 

 

The gila once more rolled his eyes. “Fine. But only when I say so.”

 

“Yessir,” Carl returned with a mock-salute, before moving to get his VR set ready. TJ sat up on the ram’s bed and the ram was showing Flynn how to play.

 

“You look fucking ridiculous.” Flynn dryly commented. The ram shrugged.

 

“Pay attention now. I’m going to show you the basics. You hold these and press the triggers to control the fingers and these buttons to walk…”

 

And, so, Carl taught his friend how to use the VR set. TJ and Flynn amused themselves looking at the ingame events on Carl’s computer screen. The ram knew the lizard’s chuckles were stifled, coming out as a series of ‘hm’ sounds - he did not want it to be clear he enjoyed the kind of ‘stupid’ entertainment  the numerous subscribers to Carl’s Let’s Play channel did.

 

Eventually, the VR set was removed and, since he had never tried it, Flynn soon found himself having Carl put it on him. When they finished, the lizard just stood there for a moment, before shrugging cluelessly.

 

“I bet I look like a fucking retard now.”

 

Carl laughed and looked from the computer chair he had taken a seat on to TJ. The lynx, despite his usual moral standards, chuckled at the comment, leaning his back against the wall while sitting on the ram’s bed.

 

“Um, Flynn, I know you have your personality and all, but could you at least try to not say the r-word, please?” The lynx asked somewhat shyly, between chuckles.

 

The gila moved his head and Carl knew he had been rolling his eyes. “Fine,” Flynn retorted, then spoke in a mock-British accent: “I wager I may have the appearance of a copulating exceptional individual at this very moment.” His tone returned to normal. “Happy?”

 

Much to their surprise, TJ laughed and shook his head. “You look fine, Flynn.”

 

The gila grinned a little at TJ’s opinion, acknowledging it with a ‘heh’, before turning to Carl’s approximate direction. “So… how do I start again?”

 

“Move your finger to the floating ‘Start Working’ button.”

 

“Alright.”

 

“Now walk to your boss there.”

 

“Is that supposed to be a fox?” Flynn asked at the sight of the blocky, cartoony, bug-eyed figure clad in blue overalls holding a clipboard.

 

“Yup. Anyway, he’s going to tell in what pallets to put what cargo.”

 

“Fine. Seems easy enough.”

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

About an hour and a half later, Flynn cursed again as his character’s wobbly hands dropped another crate of plutonium and the ‘You’re fired!’ game over screen appeared with a mushroom cloud in the background. Flynn removed the VR headset.

 

“I bet I looked fuckin’ amusing to you guys.”

 

Carl had found himself in a fit of laughter at his friend’s in-game blunders while TJ had been much more controlled. They both sat side-by-side on Carl’s bed, leaning their backs against the wall.

 

“Haha, well, you’re a natural Let’s Player,” the ram quipped.

 

“I just don’t think any possible video with his commentary would be appropriate for children,” TJ shrugged sheepishly. Flynn just shook his head and handed the set to the lynx.

 

“Let’s see how you do then, Teej.” The lizard grinned and TJ accepted the challenge, quickly donning the VR set and starting another game.

 

Flynn took TJ’s previous spot by the side of the ram. “I don’t get the point of playing something so frustrating. Didn’t know you were into masochism, Carl.”

 

Carl shrugged. “It’s meant to be funny, because of how freaking bizarre it is. C’mon, dude, don’t tell me you didn’t have fun!” Carl poked the gila in the side. The gila frowned, before letting out a brief snort.

 

“Yeah, I had my moments.”

 

That made Carl feel much better. They both then turned their attention back to TJ and the ram’s computer screen so they could watch how the lynx fared. Since he had more practice than Flynn, TJ was doing slightly better, but not much. He had dropped a crate of scorpions on the floor and a tiny newspaper headline briefly flashed ingame talking about the outbreak of venomous arachnids over town. Unlike the gila, all TJ said to the blunder was ‘oops,’ his ears briefly lowering, before springing back up at attention as the in-game trucker chucked more crates for him to catch.

 

Soon enough, the game started to enter the same challenging phase Flynn had been at, in which two trucks unloaded at the same time and, sometimes, the drivers would chuck their cargo near-simultaneously. It was hilarious to see how the lynx moved and twisted himself, using all of his flexibility to prevent the crates from hitting the floor. Carl stole a glance towards Flynn. The gila seemed to watch TJ with interest, a hint of smile on his scaly lips.

 

Eventually, TJ lost, and they decided to give gaming a break as Carl put on some action flick as background noise before going to his mini-fridge and getting snacks for them. As the ram chewed the peanuts, he stopped to pay close attention to his friends’ moods.

 

TJ and Flynn were getting along pretty well. Sometimes, the gila would tap the lynx on the shoulder and he didn’t even flinch or recoil from his touch. They were now discussing the career of the star of the movie they watched, picking out which movies they preferred from the ex-bodybuilder-turned-actor.

 

Carl, in the meantime, just played with his phone, sometimes checking comments on his more recent videos. At one point, he liked the way TJ and Flynn were interacting so much he figured it should be shown to Jenna, so she would stop distrusting his friend. Both of them were sitting on the floor, Flynn leaning forward and pointing at something in the corner of the film. He was talking about the protagonist being filmed in the right angle because he was so much shorter than the extras. The way both of them looked in amusement as Flynn called the protagonist a midget was immortalized as Carl took a photo.

 

Eventually, they each fell into silence as the movie ended and Carl switched channels to some quiz show. They watched most of it when, eventually, TJ decided to speak:

 

“So, guys, do either of you plan to go see your families this Christmas?”

 

Flynn turned to TJ and Carl with a raised brow. The ram gave some thought before answering.

 

“Yeah, I think so. I still can’t drive, so I think my folks are gonna come pick me up. How about you?”

 

“My family moved back to Canada when I decided to stay in Pueblo,” TJ responded, “I’ll take a plane from Denver to Winnipeg, then they’ll pick me up at the airport.”

 

Before both of them managed to fully look at Flynn, the gila spoke: “I’m not travelin’. I don’t have the time, money, or desire to take a long road trip or fly all the way to the north just to see my aunt. I’ll be busy with work and I let her know back in November.”

 

“Ah,” Carl nodded. Interesting. So Flynn and Jenna could end up being alone in the apartment.

 

“I’ll be back by January,” TJ piped in, and both Flynn and Carl switched their attention from their thoughts back to the lynx. “When will you be back, Carl?”

 

“Oh? Hm, I think the same. To be completely honest… I don’t feel like going back to Echo at all. I told my mom about it, and she said she and dad are considering just spending Christmas with some distant relatives so I can be with them, but won’t need to get back to that place.”

 

“Good idea,” TJ smiled.

 

“Yeah, but I don’t really like family reunions. Heck, most of them I barely even know.”

 

“So what? Stuff yourself with the supper, make up some excuse and go to bed early,” Flynn grinned and they all chuckled, amused by the idea.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I can do that.” Carl leaned for a brief half-hug on the lizard, “Thanks, man.”

 

“Don’t mention it.”

 

They fell into silence again, and Carl was happy to see them all getting along. Once in a while, some particularly stupid answer to a question by a contestant would prompt one of them to make a joke about it, but for the most part they were comfortable with just each other’s company.

 

With what he had seen, Carl realized Jenna’s worries were even further divorced from reality than he had initially thought. He could not resist the urge to smile. He briefly wondered if they would have all ended up like this had Sydney not died back then.

 

Likely, they would each have gone their own way by now. The ram could not decide which would have been better for them - he sure knew which would have been better for Syd - but, ultimately, he decided to discard these thoughts. He had promised himself to try and focus on the present and future and to improve himself, back when Flynn had been in the hospital. So he figured he would just enjoy the moment.

 

Eventually, his friends had to leave. Carl walked with them to Flynn’s truck and, thankfully, they had not run into Chase. While the ram had no love for the otter - he had almost killed his best friend - he could at least tolerate him. He had no idea how Flynn would react to him and, frankly, did not want to end their hangout on such a bitter note.

 

They said their goodbyes and the ram walked back to his dorm room, hands shoved into the pockets of his pants. Chase was still locked inside his own room, and Carl figured he would return the borrowed books later the next day.

 

Once inside, the ram locked the door and turned off the lights. He felt as if he would be able to get some decent shuteye that day. Before plugging his phone to recharge, he made sure to tell the fennec it all went well and sent her the picture. Only then did the ram strip down to his boxers and slip underneath the fluffy covers of his bed, feeling overjoyed and relieved to see Flynn genuinely happy after so long.

 

Carl had slept well that night.

 


	12. "Never Have I Ever..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is coming, and TJ plans to travel to Denver so he can catch a plane to see his parents, who moved back to Canada. Flynn offers to drive him there and they end up talking and playing a game to pass the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot tell how much I value Garus' imput in this! Really amigo, you're the greatest!

**“Never Have I Ever…”**

 

TJ’s ears perked up as he heard the familiar sound of Flynn’s truck pulling up behind him. The lynx had been waving his goodbyes to Jenna as she went to work, and promptly turned around while holding his small luggage. Since he was just going to his parents’, there was no need to carry more than a few clothes and toiletries.

 

He opened the door and placed his bag between both driver and passenger seats, then hopped in himself, closing the door slowly so it wouldn’t slam. After it failed to fully close, the lynx opened it again and pulled harder, this time being able to hear the characteristic clicking sound of the lock snapping into place. The interior of the truck’s cabin had the faint smell of stale sweat, rust, and some of the morning dew that filtered in through the less than half an inch space the lynx had rolled down his window.

 

“GPS says it’ll be some two and a half hours ‘till we’re at the airport. Why couldn’t your parents stay in the US still?” Flynn grinned as he drove towards the limits of the town. TJ sheepishly shrugged and smiled.

 

“Maybe they wanted to get as far as possible from Echo. Or they missed home.”

 

The gila grunted in response. “Yeah, Canada’s a damn good place.”

 

TJ’s ears twitched at the casual swear, but he had long decided to ignore it. Flynn hadn’t been getting on his case for saying grace before eating or praying regularly, so he figured he could cut him some slack on that in return.

 

After all, neither of those traits of their personality harmed anybody. TJ remembered saying as much the last time they hung out in the mall, before Flynn had moved in with both him and Jenna.

 

Tobias leaned his head on his arm and just watched as they drove past the University of Pueblo, going towards Denver.

 

The silence between them was comfortable, and the lynx enjoyed breathing in the morning air coming from his slightly open window - Flynn was not fond of the cold winter air - and he knew it would be for the best to keep his friend warm, so the lizard’s reflexes wouldn’t be slowed down.

 

He discreetly readjusted his position so now he could watch Flynn. The lizard had been distracted with driving, and TJ couldn’t help but feel weird to think of him as a friend now. They still had to get over a few bumps in their relationship, but he could genuinely call Flynn a friend now: When he had mentioned he would be getting a bus early that week to get to the airport in Denver, Flynn promptly offered to drive him there, despite meaning waking up at the crack of dawn on his day off. And the lynx knew Flynn would never have done that for someone that he saw as just a roommate.

 

Looking at the gila as he drove, he also noticed the older male had lost most of the fat he had acquired from the unhealthy lifestyle he had been living in for the past year or so. However, he did not go back to being as lanky as he used to be; while he had built a little muscle even before they met again, it seemed that he planned to keep that regimen up as of the past months, sticking with his security training and working out every other day. TJ could clearly notice the muscles on the lizard’s arms flexing and relaxing as he moved the steering wheel. Yeah, he was bigger than he had been two years ago.

 

TJ chuckled bitterly, equally grateful and guilty, that Flynn was not that large back then. Who knows how things would have ended if he could actually put up a fight against Leo earlier that week… or Chase…

 

_No, better not go there._

 

“Penny for your thoughts,” Flynn finally spoke. TJ looked at him startled.

 

“Uh, what?”

 

“Your ears are moving all over the place,” the lizard briefly turned his attention from the road to his friend, “know, going down, then up, then sideways…you always do that when you’re upset and don’t force them up. So… what’s eatin’ ya?”

 

The lynx sighed. “Nothing much. Just… sometimes I think about Echo…”

 

Flynn grunted. “Yeah… I think all of us do. That place fucked us up beyond repair.”

 

“I don’t think we’re ‘broken’, Flynn,” TJ objected, “I know we… may have issues from what happened, but we’re doing better than a couple of years ago. I could say we’re doing better than even how we were back then. Except for Chase, I guess.” His ears lowered.

 

The lizard shrugged, jaw clenched hard and his stare becoming cold and distant, and TJ figured it would be his least hostile answer to anything involving Chase.

 

“Point is, uh, we may have our problems, but, if you look back, you can see how far we have come.”

 

Flynn sighed and nodded, and TJ could barely hear what sounded like a ‘mhm’ coming from the gila.

 

“I mean, we’re even friends now!” The lynx forced a smile. The lizard now chuckled and TJ felt his own smile becoming more genuine.

 

“Yeah, I ain’t complaining about that.” It was as close as Flynn would get from admitting he was glad they made amends, TJ knew.

 

He chuckled and shook his head. “You know, I always wondered… how do you do it?”

 

“How do I do what?” Flynn looked briefly at the lynx, then back at the road.

 

“How can you be so… honest? You go on and say whatever’s on your mind and screw the consequences!” The feline made a gesture as if mimicking an explosion. Truth be told, TJ sometimes wished he could have been as honest about his thoughts and feelings as Flynn, but he had always ended up retreating into himself. Either out of insecurity or to avoid hurting somebody. 

 

The lizard laughed at the lynx’s dramatic gesture, then shrugged.

 

“I just… say what I think, that’s all. I just don’t like all the pseudo-politeness bullshit people do. It makes almost all interactions seem fake.”

 

“You have a point.”

 

“However, I dunno… call it ‘growing up’, call it ‘being around ya too much,’ but I’ve given some thought about it and realized that, sometimes, doing what you do is the right thing.”

 

“Oh?” TJ’s ears perked up in interest. “What’s it that I do?”

 

“Being quiet. I dunno… to be fair, I just can’t help myself. If I see some shit I think it’s wrong or if I see someone trying to use euphemisms to make something less offensive or shocking, I have the fuckin'  _need_ to call it out. And, in hindsight, there were times I shouldn’t have done that. Closed a lot of doors for me in the past.” His gaze was distant now. “Missed a lot of things thanks to my big mouth.”

 

“Oh…” The lynx’s ears lowered now and the conversation ended at that. He turned his gaze back to the road and the December traffic on the highway. They had left Pueblo very early because Flynn had mentioned it wouldn’t do to count on it just being a two hour trip. TJ agreed.

 

While they weren’t by any means facing a traffic jam, the speed of the other drivers was noticeably slower, and the lynx knew Denver’s streets in and around the airport would be busier than ever.

 

The silence lasted a little while longer, almost half an hour, before being broken by Flynn.

 

“I can say that I like the way you just forgave me. I don’t think I’d have that in me, were our places switched.”

 

TJ could not help but feel his cheeks and ears heating up. “Oh? Well, I mean, it’s not just the Christian thing to do…”

 

“Yet, I don’t think it’s out of faith you did that,” Flynn interrupted. TJ continued.

 

“But it’s also because I know we all have flaws. I… may have been more reluctant to forgive you back then if it weren’t for…” The lynx’s ears lowered and he fell silent, watching the side of the road, thinking about Echo again. He then turned back to face the gila.

 

“We had this talk before, that night we couldn’t sleep. My point is: Why not try to make amends and, at same time, let go of all this weight we carry?” He gave the lizard a sad smile. Flynn nodded, the corners of his own scaly lips briefly curling up, before his expression went back to being neutral and his focus directed at the road.

 

They were halfway to Denver, according to Flynn’s GPS.

 

“I’m still a bit anxious,” TJ said. The gila briefly looked at him.

 

“About what?”

 

“Meeting my parents again. I know they’ll ask about that day. Back in Echo…”

 

He noticed that Flynn gripped the steering wheel tighter.

 

“What do they know?” The lizard finally asked.

 

“Uh, well, they know there was a mass-hysteria incident there… and that you nearly drowned and I performed CPR on you… and now that we’re living with Jenna. And that’s about it.”

 

“Two years and you didn’t tell them more than that?”

 

The lynx’s ears lowered and he rubbed one of his arms. “Well… when I came back from Echo, late since we had to wait until the police told us we could go… and because I wanted to see you and Chase out of the hospital first, I just briefly reunited with them. I told what happened, but that I just wanted to rest and go back to studying.”

 

“I don’t suppose that’s exactly a lie,” Flynn added.

 

“Yeah… I suppose not… But I know they’ll ask about that again. They could tell I left a few things out.”

 

“Eh, you said pretty much what had happened. With exception of _why_ I nearly drowned.”

 

Now TJ wished he could just disappear. “I don’t want to involve Chase…”

 

“Oh. I see. So the musky fucker gets to look nicer.”

 

The lynx could feel his heart beating faster and he could see Flynn getting angrier. “Uh, no… I mean… if I could lie better… I could say it was an accident… I don’t want them to think it’s better if I were away from you guys… and then there’s what happened with Sydney...” the words came out fast, and TJ knew he was grasping at straws at that point. “I could just… I…”

 

 _Dam- darnit,_ TJ thought, _I made him mad_.

 

Flynn took a deep breath and let out a long sigh, almost like a groan. He slowed down and took the right lane. “Teej, look… It’s alright.” His tone was flat.

 

TJ knew it was not exactly the truth, but he also knew what the gila meant. He nodded slowly. “I’m sorry. It’s… you know how my parents are. They wouldn’t take it very well, if they knew Chase almost killed you and the whole reason _why_ that happened.”

 

“It’s alright, Teej. I understand that.” Flynn licked his lips, “Just tell an abridged version if that’s what they want. Or… just tell them the truth: That you don’t like thinking about all that shit. If your parents are anywhere as nice as they present themselves, they’ll drop the subject.”

 

The lynx’s ears perked up at that, but he was not really happy. His parents _were_ very nice and well-meaning. Unlike what he had heard about Sydney’s through scattered gossip.

 

Still, Flynn’s advice was valid. He knew both his parents were worried - maybe even worried about Flynn - but if he told them it was all there was to know and he didn’t like to talk or think about it, he knew they would let it go.

 

“Thanks, Flynn. You’re a good friend.” He smiled.

 

The lizard snorted. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m a fuckin' angel.” He grinned.

 

“Language. And I can see you’re modest, to boot.” TJ tried to joke. To his surprise, it did get a chuckle out of the gila. The tension in the truck dissipated.

 

“It’s my biggest flaw. One of them. I swear like a fuckin' sailor _and_ I’m the most humble member of the lizardfolk in the world.”

 

That got a short laugh from them both. Flynn noticed the traffic slowing to a crawl and lowered his truck’s window, sticking his head out. “Aw, shit,” he said.

 

“My flight’s at five, it’s like… ten in the morning right now, right?” The gila nodded, “So we have plenty of time.”

 

“Yeah.” Flynn responded and they fell back in silence.

 

The traffic started to move briefly, before stopping again. And again, and again. Eventually, even TJ sighed and rolled his eyes.

 

“Pretty damn nice trip, huh? Being stuck behind some soccer mom’s minivan with a 2016 election sticker still stuck to it,” Flynn commented dryly.

 

TJ’s ears perked up. “We could play a game or something.” He smiled.

 

“Like what?” The gila raised a scaly brow, “I don’t have a Monopoly board lyin’ around my truck, y’know. If you have any ideas, then you’re welcome to share.”

 

“How about ‘Never Have I Ever’?”

 

As soon as he had said that, the lynx regretted his suggestion. Memories of the last time he had played that, with Carl and Chase, came flooding back to him.

 

“Everything alright?” Flynn glanced at him and back at the road. TJ could see the gila’s concerned expression. He knew he likely let his anxiety show.

 

“Uhm, I’m alright, just thinking… how do we keep score?”

 

Flynn grunted, shrugging one shoulder. “Well, we don’t have booze and I know ya don’t drink. And I’m driving, so, besides no booze, no fingers either. See if there’s a pen and a paper somewhere in the glove box.”

 

The lynx immediately started to search for said items. Meanwhile, he calmed himself down - he figured he could keep his questions innocent enough to not bother Flynn. And, maybe, the gila would figure what to not ask as well. It could be an impromptu test of their friendship.

 

TJ found a red pen and a pamphlet advertising some small loan agency, likely something that was left on the truck’s windshield wipers. That would do.

 

“Alright, who goes first?” TJ asked. Flynn seemed to think briefly. 

 

“I’ll start,” said Flynn, “Never have I ever… flown on an airplane?”

 

“I did once! We were visiting my grandparents in Canada.”

 

“Cool. I never did.” TJ added a tally beneath his name.

 

“How come?” TJ asked with interest. The gila shrugged.

 

“Just never really had the opportunity. Or need, for that matter.”

 

“Oh.” TJ simply said. While it made sense, the feline had expected a more exciting reason. “Alright. Never have I ever…” The lynx thought hard about his next question. He looked at Flynn and realized he had been curious about how his life really was - when not revolving around his desire to be in the military, his friendship with Sydney and his self-imposed quest to figure out how his friend had died.

 

Eventually, TJ finished: “Never have I ever had a crush back in school.”

 

Flynn snickered and shook his head.

 

“You didn’t?”

 

“Would ya believe I didn’t? I mean, I knew I liked dudes. I did experiment a little, but never really had a crush on anyone.”

 

“Oh.” TJ nodded and did not add any tally marks.

 

“Never have I ever dated a chick.” asked the lizard.

 

TJ looked up. “Uh… I’ve been on a couple of dates before, but that’s about it.” The lynx felt his cheeks and ears heat up and looked outside.

 

"You okay? You seem real flustered.” Flynn’s voice brought TJ out of his thoughts.

 

“Huh? No, no, it’s fine.” TJ brushed him off.

 

Flynn made a gesture with his hand and briefly looked at TJ, a hint of amusement in his eyes, before noticing the lynx did not seem bothered by his question. “Well... if ya wanna get technical, I had a beard once, but she knew I was gay and she was into chicks herself, so I don't count that.”

 

They fell into a brief silence, then TJ leaned back on his seat so he could face Flynn more directly without having to turn his head. “Huh, how come we never heard of that?”

 

The lizard raised his scaly brows and shrugged, a smile appearing on his lips. “Well, casual conversation doesn’t leave much space to add ‘by the way, did I ever tell ya about the time I took a literal bulldyke to a family reunion so they wouldn’t get on my case for liking dicks?”

 

Tobias nodded and, despite the less than politically correct language chosen by his friend, his thoughts lingered on the description of his ‘date’.

 

“Wait, did you date Tiffany? The cape buffalo?”

 

“Yup. Should've seen how bad she looked with makeup on. At least, I didn’t have to lean down or pick her up so we could kiss.”

 

They both snickered at the mental image. TJ licked his black lips. “So… what happened to her? I haven’t seen her since graduation… or the last time I was in Echo…” he trailed off, deciding to not elaborate much about their time in that horrible small town.

 

Flynn smirked and said: “Moved to Payton after she graduated. Smart move, too.”

 

“Oh, alright…” The lynx looked down at the pamphlet he used to keep score, the game forgotten. Still one question bugged him. He decided to voice it:

 

“I don’t want to sound rude, but why did she agree to that?”

 

The lizard’s smile faded and, for a moment, TJ feared he had touched a nerve by accident. Flynn now looked at him with a very serious expression and said:

 

“I was the only kid who never picked on her for her tastes. If there’s one thing I’ve never been able to stand, even back then, it’s screwing with others for doing the same shit you do.”

 

That made sense to TJ, so all he did was nod and respond with an ‘ah’. The traffic was back on the move now and TJ looked outside at the vast empty spaces by the highway, only with the occasional small settlement, roadside business or the odd individual residence (abandoned or otherwise) peppering the landscape.

 

It was these oddly isolated places that always caught his curiosity when he found himself traveling. He wondered how those people could stand living so isolated from the world. Even though Echo had fit the bill, they still had enough people there to not provide a sense of community. Were those people what they would end up becoming, should they have stayed there? Or if things really went wrong for them in the future? An elderly red fox sitting on a rocking chair knitted in front of a small hand-crafted goods shop, adjacent to a truck stop and gas station. She seemed as dull, lifeless and gray as the buildings, her gaze distant and longing, and TJ could not help but picture Jenna in her place.

 

His ears fell and he let out a small sigh of despair. What led people to end up like that? TJ believed he would be wondering that for the rest of his life. Of course, that lonely old lady that got so imprinted in his thoughts now could have been anything but. She could have a caring family inside the business, or be from any of the nearby settlements or related to the owner of the truck stop-slash-gas station. But the saying was right: The first impression is the one that sticks.

 

“So… you don’t wanna play anymore, Teej? We still have some fifty minutes to one hour before we’re at the airport.”

 

The lynx’s ears perked up. “Oh, of course, of course. Let me think…” He licked his lips again, his thoughts about loneliness still fresh in his mind.

 

“Never have I ever… desired to be all by myself.”

 

Flynn briefly looked at him with surprise, before focusing back on the road. His grip on the steering wheel tightened a bit. “In what way?”

 

“I don't know how to explain… I was just wondering, looking at those people working and living in the middle of nowhere,” he gestured to around them, “how can they stand being by themselves like that? Some of them are elderly. And honestly? The thought of ending up like that terrifies me.”

 

“Oh, so you mean ending up alone, instead of just being alone for a little while,” said Flynn. He nodded.

 

“Well, I can’t say I ever gave it much thought… but now that you mention it, no, I don’t want to end up like that either. I mean, fuck, TJ, some of those people might not be all alone, but I know what you mean,” the lizard continued. “It must be fucking depressing to be like that. Y’know, alone and just waitin’ to die.”

 

“Yeah, I thought the same. But even if they might not be alone, just seeing them made me think about it…”

 

He marked a tally for both of them. They fell into a comfortable silence for the rest of the trip, which ended up lasting almost five hours, partly because of a small accident involving two trucks blocking the highway, causing another traffic jam until the highway patrol managed to get both vehicles towed. 

 

Eventually, the barren landscape gave away to more and more houses, then larger buildings, and, eventually, they entered the busy streets of Denver during December. It almost felt like they would be stuck in traffic while making their drive to the airport, but it went faster than expected. TJ looked at his phone to check the time: 3:17 PM. They were close.

 

“So…” TJ started, rubbing one of his arms, his ears pinned down, “Uh, will you want something from the cold up north?”

 

Flynn shrugged. “Bring some maple syrup or somethin’ like that if you want. Maybe some real beer instead of the shit they sell down here.” He grinned. TJ gave him a nervous smile in return. “Nah, man, I’m good.”

 

“Oh, okay,” The lynx’s lips curled into a more relaxed smile. Before long, they stopped in front of the main building, pulling by the lines authorized only for taxis. Flynn had assured him that he ‘did not give a shit’ about that last part, and that they would be out quick anyway.

 

The lizard killed the engine and they both got out of the car, visibly shivering at the cold air from the Colorado winter. TJ’s nose wrinkled at the weird mix of smells all airports had wafting from inside them: Car smoke, asphalt, perfumes and deodorants from various people, the weird, stale, cooled air from ventilation systems and air conditioners…

 

Flynn assured the cab driver pulling behind him that they would leave soon. The cabbie weasel did not look happy, but nodded and TJ pulled his small bag behind him, letting its old wheels do the work for him. He stopped in front of the doors, staring at his tall friend. Both felt awkward, just standing there and breathing clouds of mist against the cool air, trying to think about what to say.

 

Eventually, the lizard broke the silence: “Well, that’s it, Teej. I suppose we’ll see you January.”

 

“Yeah…” The feline answered Flynn’s somewhat forced smirk with an equally forced smile of his own. He struggled to keep his ears up. “But I… I’ll text you guys!” His voice raised a few octaves and he did not like how it came out.

 

Extending his large scaly hands to him in a placating gesture, the gila chuckled. “No worries, Teej. It’s not like you’re moving up there. It’s just two weeks, isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah… Yeah!” The lynx forced his smile into a grin that did not quite reach his blue eyes. Flynn’s own smile looked uncertain. Tobias swallowed.

 

They stood there for a few more awkward moments, before TJ found his arms moving and slightly opening as if inviting his much taller friend into a hug. Much to his surprise, the gila seemed to accept it and pulled him into a tight, but clumsy embrace, patting at his back.

 

It had not been planned, but TJ’s muzzle brushed against the lizard’s slightly prominent chest muscles from the usual opening he had in his shirt and coat. He could smell the faint hints of spicy cologne and Flynn’s natural musk. He also could feel the lizard’s warm breath ruffling the thick fur of his winter coat on the top of his head and the tips of his ears. They broke their brief embrace, still feeling awkward. TJ rubbed one of his arms.

 

“So… in case I can’t text you then, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!” TJ’s smile felt a little more genuine, despite still forcing it a little as he spoke that. Flynn smiled and nodded.

 

“Thanks, same to you. Take care, Toby.”

 

Both young men smiled at each other, before Flynn nodded again and walked back to his truck. TJ felt as if he was leaving his family behind, as ironic as it sounded. Then again, they said ‘friends are the family we get to choose.’ Maybe whoever coined that phrase was right.

 

“Hey, TJ!” Flynn shouted from inside his truck, the window rolled down, startling the lynx from his thoughts. “Never have I ever thought I’d actually miss ya.” He laughed and waved as he turned the engine on. TJ knew this would be the closest the lizard would get to admitting he will miss him, and  decided to play along.

 

“Tally one for me, Flynn!” The young feline grinned, showing his pearly white and sharp teeth. They waved again and Flynn rolled the window up, then drove off, the lynx’s ears and head turning to follow the truck until it disappeared from view. Only then did he sigh - letting out another gust of steam - and slump, ears hanging low. He proceeded to pull his bag into the terminal, only being brought out of his moping by his phone ringing. With his free hand, TJ answered it.

 

“Yes? Hey, mom! Yeah, I’m at the airport!” The enthusiasm in his voice was only partially genuine, “Fine! Going to the check-in now! How’s dad? No, I didn’t… yeah…”

 

The lynx walked inside the building, proceeding to make his way to the long check-in line and blending with the throng of passengers going the same way while still talking with his mother. Despite genuinely missing his parents, TJ found himself hoping that the next two weeks would fly by quickly.


	13. Supper for Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With TJ and Carl out to spend Christmas with their families, Flynn ponders about where he and TJ stand, his regret for his past actions, and his dread about being alone with Jenna at the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I edited the argument between Jenna and Flynn back to something I had planned, but decided to scrap to avoid controversy about a real-life subject.
> 
> So, if you don't like talks about tragic real-life events, you may not enjoy it.

**Supper for Two**

 

The gila would have thanked god - if he believed in one - now that his shift was almost over. Gray clouds made it look much darker than it should and only the sounds of their footsteps (complete with Luiz’s long toe claws clacking against the pavement ground) could be heard as they searched for the supposed dead homeless man they were told about.

 

“Second time this fucking year, incredible. At least it’s winter,” Luiz grumbled, “should’ve seen how disgusting these _bastardos_ get stewing under forty degree celsius weather.”

 

Flynn actually felt better about his boss going with him. Not just because he didn’t like the whole ‘dealing with people’s corpses’ shit, but also because, during the entire Christmas week, his boss had developed a habit of going up on the roof and locking himself there for most of the day. He was a little afraid Mr. Maitland would get on his case, but the goat seemed down in the dumps. In either case, nothing much happened and, since yesterday, his boss - and Richard Maitland - had been in much better spirits.

 

They continued to walk, until a cold evening wind blew towards them, bringing with it a horrible, overwhelming stench.

 

“Blargh!” Flynn swore he would throw up if he had to smell it for even a few more minutes. The aging tegu just scrunched his nose and shone his flashlight towards the dumpster. The younger lizard froze, stunned.

 

Under the cone of light from Luiz’s large LED flashlight, he could see a pair of old, hardened canine feet. Whoever they belonged to seemed to be covering themselves with cardboard and newspapers.

 

The older lizard shook his head. “Damn,” he walked closer and shone the light over the dead hobo. It was a male dog, who looked to be in about his forties. He laid there, still, as if the cold winter air had frozen him solid. Not even the occasional breeze moved the long, unkempt furs on his dirty face.

 

“Is… is he dead?” _Well asked, detective Moore,_ Flynn thought to himself at his stupid question. Still, the scene reminded him of that day Sydney came to him crying, begging for his help after his father had died. 

 

Even Luiz seemed baffled at Flynn’s stupid question, looking at him with one brow ridge raised up, his mouth slightly open, showing his short, but very sharp teeth.

 

“I dunno. Spit on his face. If he tells you to go fuck yourself, then he’s alive.” The tegu frowned at him and shook his head again, before placing his hands on his waist and walking until he was almost over the corpse, kicking one of the exposed feet slightly. “Yep. _Se murió._ ”

 

As if on cue, the wind blew past them as they fell silent, both Flynn and Luiz looking at each other. Until the large tegu shrugged and moved aside.

 

“Alright, Flynn, grab one of his feet. I’ll grab the other foot and we’ll drag him into the open. Hopefully he’ll have somethin’ to identify him and we can say we tried to aid this _puto_ , instead of just showing up after he became an ice cube. You can’t even see his arms and face right the way he is.”

 

“No fucking way!” Flynn protested, causing his boss to glare at him. “Look Luiz, I’m sorry, but I’m not layin’ my fuckin’ hands on this stinking corpse.”

 

The older lizard rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine. Fucking _gringo_ sissy…” He grabbed around both of the canine’s ankles and pulled him with all his might.

 

It was then when the dog opened his eyes and sat up, yelling at them. The tegu jumped almost behind Flynn at that.

 

“ _PUTA QUE_ \- He’s alive!” Luiz laughed. “Hey, Flynn, call Clifford the janitor and tell him his brother lives in the property.”

 

To be honest with himself, the gila was too scared to move or say anything. The homeless dog patted himself and got to his feet, grumbling something unintelligible. His boss decided to take charge of the situation once more.

 

“Listen, buddy, this is private property. Piss off before I call the cops.”

 

Flynn blinked and watched his boss and the foul-smelling hobo arguing, until it was clear the dog would not leave and the tegu was losing his cool. The gila decided to get his phone and call 911. Meanwhile, he could see Luiz and the bum continued with their argument over private property and rights. It took almost thirty minutes for a patrol car to arrive and they recognized his boss right away.

 

After a brief chat, the cops agreed in taking the hobo either into custody or to a shelter. When the car was gone, the tegu turned around, hands on his waist, a proud grin on his face.

 

“And that’s how you deal with them. Remember to not freeze up next time, alright?”

 

Flynn chuckled. “You were the one who jumped almost five feet back when he woke up.”

 

“Eh. Whatever,” they moved to the employees entrance, knowing it was a few minutes past the closing time. Night shift guys would be there soon. On the way, Flynn considered asking his boss for advice regarding the latest events with TJ and Jenna.

 

It was not something he liked doing. It hurt what little pride he still had left, it made him feel even more useless than he already did, and he feared to be judged negatively by the older male.

 

Even though, considering what he had done to his friends, he felt he deserved it.

 

His main problem was trying to figure why did Toby decide to befriend him after all he put the lynx through. He could understand some misplaced sense of guilt making the lynx feel obligated to help him leave that roach’s nest he had been living in. Yeah, he get it - Teej felt guilty because, somehow, he indirectly almost got himself killed. At least, it was what TJ believed. But even then, the young male still seemed to desire bridging gaps with him.

 

Had it been before, he would have pushed TJ away. He did not need his pity. And he was afraid he could end up fucking it up again. However, as painful as it was to him, his desire to atone for tormenting him, for targeting him after his friend’s death. For fucking kidnapping him to the lake that day…

 

Yeah, had it been before he had the closure he wanted so much, he’d have pushed the lynx away. But, truth be told he knew that, deep down, he also wanted more than just Toby’s forgiveness. He wanted his friendship. As fucked up as it was, Flynn felt it would help him repay his debt.

 

The gila could not help but feel horribly selfish for that thought. Sure, he would do his best to help TJ when he needed it, but was it out of genuine altruism or just to ease his conscience? Before he knew it, he found himself holding his punch-card in hand, Mr. Maitland looking at him with what appeared to be genuine concern.

 

“Mr. Moore, you are holding the line. I’m not paying for the…” he looked at the clock, “five minutes you stood there with your head in the clouds. Punch your card and Merry Christmas.”

 

With that, the goat turned around and entered his office. The gila resisted the urge to spit at the door reading ‘MANAGEMENT’ in bold letters and did as he was told, going to the small locker room.

 

His boss was there, clearly out of the shower, some droplets of water running on his shiny black and white scales as he toweled himself. “Didja get in thought ‘bout that living corpse, Flynn?” He asked.

 

Flynn sighed. “No… I just have a lot of shit on my mind.”

 

“Don’t we all?” The fatter lizard chuckled. “Tell me, _amigo_ , what’s the matter?” He sat down by his side and opened his own locker, picking some loose denim pants, dark blue boxers and a black, loose t-shirt. The tegu seemed to like his clothes loose and even larger than him. Luiz smiled in an almost fatherly manner, not his usual sly or sarcastic smirk nor his intimidating grin. Of course, Flynn knew it’d be hard to think of anyone who would check out his father in the locker room and vice-versa. That absurd thought made him snicker and he figured he might as well tell him. The younger reptile took a deep breath and exhaled. 

 

“I just… know when you fuck up with somebody, and you feel guilty, I guess, but you kinda wanna make it up to them, but the fuckup happened due to you being selfish...” _shit, this is getting stupid,_ “and you wonder if wanting to pay back, make amends and even befriend the person you’ve wronged isn’t an act of selfishness? Like apologizing?”

 

The older lizard licked his lips and seemed to give Flynn’s question some thought. “Well, let’s put it this way: Do you feel guilty because your mistakes or misdeeds, or whatever, fucked _you_ up or because it fucked the person you’ve wronged?” He raised one of his scaly brow ridges at him.

 

“I…” Flynn never gave it that thought. His mistakes did nearly get himself killed… but, sometimes, he still wondered if that wouldn’t have been the best-case scenario.

 

No, it wouldn’t. God knows what kind of fucked up relationship TJ and Chase would end up in. And, considering the fact Teej felt guilty for shit that wasn’t even his fault, how would he feel in the long run about covering another death, as he had told him he would likely have done? Maybe it is selfish to wish he had not been saved...

 

He wanted to be angry at Teej then, but felt curiously empty. Ever since that moment, when he was losing his consciousness, when he realized what had happened to Sydney, it felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, despite his despair at his near-demise. But, upon waking up, he had been empty. He spent all these years just empty. And, when he looked back, he noticed it had always been that way, and he never noticed.

 

It was only then he realized that, yes, his search for ‘closure’ just made everyone suffer needlessly.

 

“I think… it’s be a bit of both. I just spent a long time just wanting to have or know something, and fucked people up in the process, people who did not deserve it.”

 

“Ah,” Luiz nodded, “do you mean the church boy that comes here during your lunch breaks?”

 

Flynn looked at the older tegu in shock. It was something to have Jenna wrongly guess his motivations and thoughts, but it was truly unnerving to see an older person guessing it _right_.

 

“Before you ask, I could see how you behaved around each other. You both felt as awkward and guilty. I could _see_ that, amigo. I’m old enough to notice that. At first, I thought it was some messy friends quarrel or somethin’ you guys needed to have get closure on…”

 

The gila felt growing discomfort at the word ‘closure’. Luiz continued:

 

“But then, I realized it was deeper than that. I think you both feel like you _really_ wronged each other, yes? Let’s pretend you are the one squarely in the wrong, as it appears it is how you feel… what made you feel guilty? That you got caught? Hm? Lost a friendship? Fucked up his life? So, which one? The former or the latter? I _bet_ it was the second one...” The tegu asked with a grin.

 

Flynn grind his teeth, his heart racing. He now regretted to have asked for advice. “Yes! _Goddammit, yes!_ Happy now? Guy’s in fucking therapy because of me! Yet, the kid still saved my ass when I needed it - twice!”

 

The other guards stopped what they were doing to look at them, but Luiz quickly dismissed them, bellowing “Fuck off, all o’ ya!” at the top of his lungs, then turning his attention back to Flynn.

 

“Hrm… I somehow, think you shouldn’t give yourself that much credit for putting someone in therapy. I had a childhood from hell, yet, it wasn’t the _bosta_ of a father I had that fucked me up enough to warrant a trip to the shrink. But ‘nuff about me. It appears that you feel the need to make amends with this… TJ? Yeah, TJ, because you wronged him. This is good. Feeling guilty is good. And feeling the need to genuinely apologize is good - it shows you _care_. But you asked me if you are selfish for that. Well… lemme tell ya what I’ve learned with my own experience,” Luiz seemed to take a short breath.

 

“Anythin’ can be twisted into being seen as an act of selfishness, if you wanna be cynical about it. This TJ person… he helped you anyway. You feel the need to pay back. Fair enough. But you don’t need to become his friend to pay it back. No… you _want_ to be his friend. Same way how you act all edgy and quiet, but once in a while find an excuse to pick a conversation with myself or one of the boys.” Flynn sulked at that, not used to have someone reading him so well, but his boss raised one hand telling him to wait for him to finish. 

 

“I think that not wanting to show vulnerability, ‘specially the emotional kind, is understandable. But the more you put up this tough guy facade, the more you push other people away. Flynn, opening yourself to others means that you risk gettin’ hurt. But not opening yourself to anyone means you’ll be alone. And I don’t think you like being alone.” 

 

There was a brief silence then. Flynn’s thoughts drifted back to the conversation about loneliness he had with TJ on the way to the airport. He thought the tegu was done, before the older lizard went on and finished his speech:

 

“My verdict is that, while you wanna make it right for that cute _lince_ for the grief you gave him, you also genuinely want to be his friend now. Maybe you noticed he was much nicer than you thought he was. Or you two bonded over whatever strong emotions you had in the past. Point is: You bonded. Help each other when possible if you feel indebted to him, but do not keep score, ‘cause true friendship is not about that. In either case, you’re not that selfish. And if you feel you’re a bad person, then work to improve yourself. It’s not easy, but trust me, it pays off.”

 

He had to admit he had not been entirely convinced, but the tegu had many valid points. Flynn could not resist but chuckle and smile. “Thanks, Luiz.”

 

“ _De nada_. Now… lemme get dressed and have a Merry Christmas. I plan to stuff my face tonight, drink all the wine served at the supper, and then fuck my husband’s brains out. Ho ho ho.”

 

With that, he quickly got dressed and said a final goodbye to Flynn, before leaving. The gila sighed and picked his towel and liquid soap, going to the showers.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Flynn arrived soon at the apartment and quickly made his way upstairs while carrying two plastic bags; one with a few things Mr. Maitland had given to all employees; and another with his dirty work uniform, to get some needed shelter from the cold air. He closed the door behind himself with a sigh of relief, before realization dawned on him: His friends had left town and now he was here alone with Jenna. Fucking perfect.

 

It was not that he hated the fennec, it was that, deep down, he knew she was not fond of _him_. She may have helped him out, but he was sure it had been both because TJ wanted so and because even she wouldn’t be heartless enough to let him freeze in that hole that he called a house.

 

Speaking of the devil, she just walked out of the bathroom, wearing just some short shorts (heh) and one of her usual dark tank tops, that one dark green. She held a towel and was drying one of her large ears when she noticed Flynn and just nodded at him, muttering his name, before going to her room.

 

Flynn had responded to the greeting with just a ‘hm’ and reached for the duffel bag inside the TV cabinet, where he kept the few possessions he had left. He picked his stored washing powder and just a handful of clothes that needed washing, before closing the cabinet. With a grunt, he got up and made his way to the cramped bathroom, where their small washing machine was located. He noticed there was little powder left near the machine and there were some of Jenna’s dirty laundry on its basket. He leaned out of the bathroom.

 

“Hey, Jenna! I’m doing some laundry, want me to throw yours in with mine so we save on some water and soap?”

 

It was a gesture of courtesy on his part. They lived together and he knew he raised their electricity bill a lot, with his need for heat, so it would be the least he could do.

 

“Sure! Just be careful not to let our stuff get mixed up!”

 

He heard the fennec chuckling as she came from her bedroom and, fur now completely dry and poofy,  handed him her wet towel to put in the washing machine.

 

“How the fuck am I going to mix up your underwear with my clothes?”

 

Jenna shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe you think they would look better on you than me.” Her smile was forced, and Flynn knew she was trying to lighten the mood. The gila rolled his eyes.

 

“Yeah, sure. Maybe you could swap one for one of my shirts. Would make a neat dress on you.”

 

The vixen snickered and went to sit on the futon, not turning on the television, instead opting to just play with her phone. 

 

Flynn meanwhile filled the washing machine with the dirty laundry, put in the washing powder, fiddled with the settings a little, and then made his way to the living room and plopped himself down on the opposite end of the futon, huffing and fiddling with his own phone.

 

With the calm weather, the turned off TV, and the lack of chatter, Flynn could hear only the light buzzing of the lamps, the tic-toc of their wall clock, the humming of their washing machine through the closed bathroom, and their breaths and their claws tapping at their phone screens.

 

While he did not like smalltalk and thought that people should learn to enjoy silence more, even Flynn felt uncomfortable. He stole a glance at Jenna and noticed she puffed out one of her cheeks, her brow furrowed, and realized she likely felt the same.

 

Flynn licked his dry lips and took a few breaths, opening and closing his mouth. But what could he say?

 

“So…” Jenna spoke first, her ears low. She looked a little sheepish. “I heard Carl showed you that picture I took…”

 

“Of me and TJ? Yeah. Yeah, he did.” Flynn couldn’t keep the irritation out of his voice.

 

Fucking perfect topic to break the ice.

 

“I found it… nice. To see you two like that.”

 

“I’d like to know why the hell you even took a picture of that in the first place.” Flynn retorted, putting his phone down and now shifting on the futon so he could look at Jenna.

 

The fennec copied his action, sighing a little. Her ears briefly pinned back - she was annoyed - before  standing up straight again. She shrugged. “I dunno. I’ve never seen you so _relaxed_ before. It was just good to see you two so comfortable with each other.”

 

“Ah. Sure. I’m sure you were _so_ invested in our becoming pals.”

 

Jenna sighed and straightened herself on the couch. “Have you read your emails? Know, since that day they stole your stuff?”

 

Flynn was about to retort, when he stopped. No, he had not. After he had lost everything, he had briefly seen all the messages, but he hadn’t had the courage to go through them.

 

With a sigh and a slump of his shoulders, he shook his head. “No… no I didn’t.” 

 

Suddenly, facing Jenna was difficult.

 

The fennec’s features softened. “Please, do it.” The gila hesitated and then picked his phone up, trying to remember his login and password. It felt like it was in another life. He stared down at the screen and psyched himself for it.

 

 _Login:_ [ _fmoore34@sclymail.com_ ](mailto:fmoore34@sclymail.com)

 

_Password: *******_

 

Soon he was greeted by his smartphone’s OS version of his inbox. Filtering spam had been easy, and now he looked at the series of emails dating from a year ago or more - until he found the first unread one, just a couple of days or so after he had gone incommunicado.

 

He read it. And the next one. And the next one. And so on, licking his lips as his heart sunk. A chill coursed through his body and the feelings of guilt came back. Sure, _he_ felt like absolute shit when he had lost his things… but _they_ were genuinely worried about him.

 

Flynn read Jenna’s emails as well, sometimes glancing at her. The fennec looked back at him with a neutral expression, only her ears moving, as well as her small dark nose twitching slightly as she breathed. He wanted to lash out at her for accusing him, but he knew she had been worried. Both about TJ and, by her tone, even about him.

 

When he got done, the gila lowered his smartphone down and sighed, sinking his face into his right hand.

 

“That is how much we cared. I remember you apologized for not answering his messages, but it was… a little raw. And I wondered if you really did care. I… I didn’t know if you have read them or not. But after Echo, Chase sort of… well, he retired into himself. He’s just been… existing since. Toby blamed himself for what happened that time at the lake, Flynn. Same way he blamed himself when he thought you had bailed on us… or had died.” Jenna exhaled and shook her head slowly.

 

He looked back at the last email and remembered what Toby had begged his forgiveness for, that night when they slept on the living room’s futon. “He… he thinks his keeping silent was what almost got me fucking killed.”

 

“Does he?” Her ears perked up, she seemed genuinely surprised for a second. “Yeah… in hindsight, I should’ve known…”

 

“He asked me to forgive him for it.” Flynn stated flatly.

 

“Did you?”

 

“No…” He noticed Jenna opening her mouth, her brow furrowing, “I told him that there was nothing to forgive. That… that if anyone should apologize, that would have to be me. Despite everything, I treated him like shit for years. I was so… I just wanted some closure so bad. You have no idea how much it hurt, Jenna. You never did. Otherwise you wouldn’t have been such a bitch to me every time.”

 

Surprisingly, he could see her reeling slightly, though she narrowed her eyes at him. Flynn felt bitter as he said that, and he was sure it seeped into his tone. Well, too fucking late to go back, so might as well finish it.

 

“But once I got it… then what, Jenna? I realized I had no other things keeping me motivated and, to be honest… the way I started feeling when I woke up, after I was pulled back from the lake hurt as much as when I wanted closure for Syd’s death… it hurts in a different way, but hurts all the same. I don’t know, I suck at talking about this shit.”

 

He looked at the fennec straight in the eye. “I realized I was the one who pushed them, who made it all get to that point. And, without any other goals in my life…”

 

The air between them was heavy, the silence after the lizard trailed off. Eventually, Flynn felt the need to be frank about how he felt. “Call me a selfish bastard if you want to, Jenna, I don’t give a shit. But sometimes I think it’d have been better if I had fucking died then.”

 

“No! No.” Jenna promptly answered. “No, it wouldn’t have. I had seen how things were going and, even if you died, even if Chase and TJ got away with it… things wouldn’t be really good. Carl would have…” The fennec trailed off, shaking her head, “It wouldn’t be good to anyone. Believe me.” She sighed and leaned back on the backrest of the futon, looking at the ceiling. “Even I wouldn’t want you to die like that. Despite how much of an asshole you were.”

 

“Just like you didn’t want Sydney to die? Carl had told me about that.” Now the fennec snapped back to look at Flynn, an expression of shock in her face, before she scowled. “Yeah, Carl had told me you once said you were glad he was dead. You hate guns, but when someone you dislike dies, it’s just fucking peachy, ain’t it?”

 

“I… I won’t apologize for that. It was how I felt then. You know how Sydney treated us. You know how _you_ treated us, with him, back then-”

 

“So does it warrant his death? If bully victims killed their bullies instead would make it all-okay to you? Huh? Would you be tellin’ someone else you were glad I was dead if I had kicked it?” Jenna now showed her teeth at him.

 

“Know what? Screw this.” She was getting up, but Flynn quickly spoke:

 

“Oh, I compare what ya said with what a fuckin' school shooter may think and _now_ you get all pissy? Typical you. You like to force others into a corner, but won’t accept a dose of your own fucking medicine. I’m at least admitting here that I fucked up. Yeah, it took a near-death and losing everythin’ I had - _everything_ \- for me to get to this point. Why can’t you?”

 

Jenna had been about to enter the corridor leading to the bedrooms, when she stopped, her ears perked at him.

 

“Know what?” She turned around and sighed, then Jenna began walking slowly towards the futon and then sat down on the armrest, head hung low. “You’re right.” she mumbled.

 

Flynn had been about to continue his rant, when he realized what she had said. He stopped and took a few slow, deep breaths, trying to calm down. Jenna looked at him, her eyes sad.

 

“You’re right. Heh… I’ve already been wrong about you twice… I think… I think I owe you an apology on that one…”

 

She slid back onto the futon seat, now rubbing her face with the palm of her paws.

 

“I never liked Sydney. I may not have liked you very much either, but I really hated your friend. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth… that comment to Carl… I cannot take that back. What do you want me to say? I screwed up. What I can - and must - apologize for, is for being unfair to you. I was just so… I was used to the status quo - despite priding myself of not letting my emotional side influence my judgement over reason - that I didn’t consider trying to see things from your perspective. I was wrong.”

 

Flynn nodded slightly “I’m sorry for callin’ ya a bitch, too. And for all I did when we were kids. I… I was fucked up. I think I still am.”

 

“We’re both fucked up.” Jenna smirked at him, her eyes still sad, but some of its flame returning. Flynn noticed her usage of his choice of words was likely intentional.

 

“But I assure you, Jen. All I want is to be Toby’s friend. Carl’s a great friend, and we’ve been through a lot. He's told me that it would be good for both of us if we grew closer. TJ and I, I mean. And I agree: I think it’s about time to bury our past and try to move on. Teej’s a nice guy, even if he’s fucking saccharine at times. And it’s kinda annoying when he insists in flinching whenever I swear in his presence. Or how he’s always saying grace before every fucking meal. But he’s a nice guy.” Flynn smirked. He was back to his usual self.

 

“I hope for the best, then.” Jenna smiled. She was back to her normal self as well.

 

“Well… so what now?” The gila asked. The vixen sitting across him shrugged.

 

“Are you hungry?” She asked, “I doubt we can get a pizza today, though…”

 

Flynn rolled his eyes, his expression back to his usual grimace. “Yeah, yeah, you sure aren’t sayin’ that so the only person here that can cook will feel compelled into whipping up somethin’.”

 

The fennec shrugged her shoulders and did her best to give him an innocent smile. “Maybe…”

 

The lizard huffed and moved to the kitchen, before realizing he had left the bag Mr. Maitland had given to him over the kitchen table. He opened it and there it was: A chocolate-filled fruitcake with a card wishing a Merry Christmas… and saying that Luiz baked it? Now the lizard eyed the pastry with suspicion.

 

“Ohh, this looks delicious! Your boss gave it to you?” Jenna rose to her feet and got closer to look over the cellophane-wrapped cake.

 

“Yeah. Both of them, it seems. Luiz was the one who baked it. Or so it says on this card.” Well, the smell was good. He figured he could just make some chicken salad for them, then they would eat the cake, drink some juice and he would sleep. Jenna being a fennec was a good thing, since she did not mind that he turned the lights off, her eyes being good at seeing in the dark.

 

While Flynn cooked the chicken and seasoned it, he decided to get rid of the last bit of the elephant in the room, as painful as it was to him. “Look, Jenna, don’t get used to me apologizing, but sorry that I called you an hypocrite.”

 

Jenna looked from her phone at him. “Oh, no, I kinda… I think I had it coming.” She smirked. “Same way you deserved my distrust. Don’t lie.”

 

Flynn let out a groan. “No. I suppose I didn’t…”

 

She now looked unsure, her ears briefly going down, before perking up again. “I think we shouldn’t dwell on that.”

 

Both of them were silent, before the fennec remembered something.

 

"If you knew about what I told Carl, why did you never confront me about it?"

 

Flynn let out a low sigh. "Why? What for? I didn't like thinkin' about it. And confrontin' ya about it would just start an argument, unless you were already being a bitch, I don't think I'd have any reason to bring that up. Or compare ya with… you know."

 

Jenna's ears lowered. "Yeah… but… you're still right about that one. I think you gave me a lot to think about. If I knew it earlier, maybe I wouldn't have been so pushy on you. I don't know."

 

The gila, still with his backs to Jenna as he cooked, shrugged. "Maybe. Who knows now? It doesn't matter." He went silent for a moment, Jenna hat the feeling that he was debating if he should say something or not. Much to her surprise, she was right - Flynn soon added: "Besides, I didn't wanna risk pushin' ya away just to point out at that little bit of…" the gila tried to mimic her speech, "cognitive dissonance from ya."

 

The vixen felt sad hearing that. In the end, despite all the hard time she had given to him - as well as Leo and the others - Flynn was still rather hanging out with them and put up with that than actually do something that would maybe break their friendship for good. So long as it wasn't really related with finding out the truth.

 

Even if Flynn was unfair and even outright mean at times, Jenna now understood that so was she. She already had thought that after working a few months doing counseling. She hated it, but seeing the differents perspectives from different people coming to her for help (and how Carla - someone that was pretty much what Jenna wanted to be - treated them) greatly humbled the fennec.

 

Jenna started to give all of the previous facts - and all arguments she had with Flynn up that point - some thought. “Know… I think we’re more alike than we’d like to admit.”

 

“Get the fuck outta here!” Flynn stared at her incredulously.

 

“I’m serious!” Flynn leaned against the counter and decided to entertain that notion, now facing Jenna as she held a wry smirk and had her arms crossed. “We both never change our minds about anything, we both like to force our perspective on others, we both never admit we’re wrong…”

 

“But I have the better taste in entertainment and I can actually take a selfie without having to awkwardly use my phone's the back camera like this.” She concluded with a chuckle as she held one arm out, her hand contorted in a way as if trying to point something at her face. The gila frowned.

 

“Technology’s not my forte.”

 

“Yeah, just imagine you in the high-tech US military…” She rolled her eyes.

 

“Shut up! And when I wanted to join, I won’t lie, I kinda thought about Sylvestre Stallion movies.” Flynn had to admit, he felt a little ashamed now, remembering the first time he had gotten his bow and arrows. Looking back then, it had been cheezy.

 

Surprisingly, Jenna did not mock him for that. “Eh, we all have childish dreams. Some do it until they’re well into their eighties.”

 

“Hrm, true.”

 

“I suppose we should be glad you didn’t join the military. Who knows, you could’ve been killed or wounded… or just come back different.”

 

Flynn moved to turn off the fire on the chicken and finished seasoning it with a tiny bit of pepper. “Oh, so you are happy I did not achieve my dream? Well, I’m glad you went into counseling - if I’m not mistaken, you wanted to go to research. At least was what Teej told me.”

 

Jenna rolled her eyes. “Pff! Wrong! Actually, as of three days ago, my coworker put me in contact with a colleague doing research on unusual cases like the mass-hysteria back in Echo. Her name’s Beatrice and she’s a gator, about my age. Pity she lives all the way in Pennsylvania.” She finished squeezing a few oranges and adding a tiny bit of sugar and ice to the jar, before stirring it up.

 

“Huh, congratulations?” Was all Flynn could say, before finishing the preparation of their chicken salad dinner.

 

“Thanks, but there’s still a lot to go yet. She at least got interested by my work about it that I did for college, and she is willing to trade notes.”

 

Flynn nodded and they took their seats to eat their simple supper for two.

 

It turns out that, if Flynn’s boss really did bake that cake, he did a damn good job. It was a bit too sweet for Flynn’s taste, but Jenna seemed to like it. When they were done and finished cleaning it all up, they went back to the usual taking turns in order to brush their teeth. It was almost one in the morning.

 

“Well,” Jenna said as she left the bathroom and found Flynn already in his boxers and loose shirt, having finished to unfold the futon and putting his sheets and blankets on it, “know… despite our little arguments, and that we still have a few issues with each other, I’m glad you’re here, Flynn.”

 

The gila stopped. Was she being sincere? A good hard look at her told him that she was. “Thanks, Jenna.” He walked up to her and smiled.

 

Now that was awkward. They stood there, facing each other, when suddenly Jenna opened her arms and tried to lean, but Flynn had done the same and she almost ended up with her face on his chest.

 

“Ah…”

 

“No, no, it’s alright,” the fennec chuckled, embarrassed, as they tried again. “Uh…”

 

“Aw, fuck this.” Flynn said and picked her up in a brief hug, before putting her down. Jenna liked to play pranks and have fun at others’ expense, so he figured she would be a good sport about that.

 

“A little warning next time would be nice!” Jenna pouted, before her lips curled upwards into a slight smile.

 

“No promises.” Flynn responded with his own hint of a smirk.

 

“Merry Christmas, Flynn.” She finally said.

 

The gila nodded. “Merry Christmas, Jenna.”

 

With that, she walked into her room and closed the door. Flynn went to the living room and turned off the lights, before lying on the futon. Inside their warm apartment, with a full belly, and not fearing a possible attack from an angry midget fox in the future, he slept well.


	14. Second Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ is back from Canada! But he notices Flynn has been behaving a bit oddly lately, as if trying to avoid him. It could be because of how his body reacted when he hugged the gila for a little longer than he normally would.
> 
> Maybe he just needs to...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter, and the start of the fic's second arc :3

**Second Family**

 

_Sent: Flynn, Jenna, Carl, Leo, Chase_

_12/25/2017_

_Merry Christmas! I’m sorry if it looks lazy to message you all at once, but the feeling is sincere. I hope you guys have a great christmas. Things here are great! God bless._

  
  


_From: Flynn_

_12/25/2017_

_Merry second turkey day to you too, TJ. And it’s good to see you’re doing fine._

  
  


_From: Jenna_

_12/25/2017_

_Merry Christmas to you too, TJ! Thanks for the message!_

  
  


_From: Carl_

_12/26/2017_

_sorry I didn’t see this one earlier. was asleep. merry christmas 2 u 2, TJ. and in case I don’t c u, happy new year dude!_

  
  


_From: Chase_

_12/26/2017_

_Thanks. Same to you. Sorry I’m late… In my parents’. Haven’t been on my phone lately._

  
  


_From: Flynn_

_12/28/2017_

_Jenna is complaining the gorgonzola cheese I bought smells bad. Funny that she makes no complaints once she eats them._

  
  


_Sent: Flynn_

_12/28/2017_

_Haha, it does smell bad, Flynn._

  
  


_From: Flynn_

_12/28/2017_

_Sorry. Was meant for Carl._

  
  


_Sent: Flynn_

_12/28/2017_

_It’s alright! It’s still good to hear from you. How are you doing? I’m a little tired, and I think I got a cold._

  
  


_From: Flynn_

_12/28/2017_

_I’m fine. Well, there isn’t much new here. Been working, chatting with boss, training after work, etc. I hope you get better soon, man._

  
  


_Sent: Flynn_

_12/28/2017_

_Glad you’re doing well. And don’t worry, after taking mom’s hot soup and some rest, and I should be back on my paws in no time! I’ll just get my soup and sleep after this. Good night!_

  
  


_From: Flynn_

_12/28/2017_

_Good night, Toby. Sleep well._

  
  


_From: Flynn_

_12/30/2017_

_Man, work’s boring. My boss usually chats with me, but he’s training one of the new guys and I’m alone with the cameras. What are you up to?_

  
  


_Sent: Flynn_

_12/30/2017_

_Good afternoon, Flynn! Sorry I didn’t see your message. My phone battery ran out and I was out skiing._

  
  


_From: Flynn_

_12/31/2017_

_Happy New Year, TJ. Let’s hope this year will suck less than 2017._

  
  


_Sent: Flynn_

_01/01/2018_

_Happy New Year to you too! I pray 2018 will be a good year for all of us!_

  
  


_Sent: Flynn, Jenna, Carl, Chase_

_01/07/2018_

_Hey guys! I’m coming home! My flight leaves tomorrow at 9am your time and will arrive to Denver around 11am._

  
  


_From: Flynn_

_01/07/2018_

_I’ll go pick you up. Luiz said no problem._

  
  


_Sent: Flynn_

_01/07/2018_

_You sure? What about the other boss, the goat?_

  
  


_From: Flynn_

_01/07/2018_

_No problem on his part. Luiz took care of it all. I’m driving to Denver on a company car so I can get documents related to the Maitland Hotel branch there. It’s the building with the huge M. Then I’ll pick you up._

  
  


_From: Flynn_

_01/07/2018_

_When we get to Pueblo, however, I’ll have to leave the car on the mall first. Mr. Maitland really wants those papers. Then we go home in my truck. Deal?_

  
  


_Sent: Flynn_

_01/08/2018_

_Thanks! And okay by me._

  
  


_Sent: Flynn, Jenna, Carl_

_01/09/2018_

_Getting on the plane now. Good day and God bless you all, guys!_

  
  


\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


TJ looked at his phone and sighed, ears hanging low. The lynx sat on the airport’s departure and arrival terminal and, once in a while, his ears would perk up when he thought a familiar lizard were among the crowd.

 

He recalled Flynn said he would arrive in a company car. Did that mean he’d be wearing their uniform as well? While by no means the majority of TSA agents and airplane crews were reptiles, there were a decent number of lizardfolk pilots and guards in the airport wearing blue caps to make it near-impossible to identify his friend from the large crowd of people.

 

His phone soon buzzed and the lynx reached for it with his paw. It was a message from Flynn:

 

_“I see you.”_

 

 _Yeah… not creepy at all._ TJ chuckled and looked around, then noticed the slightly taller lizard leaning on the wall, by a few airplane pilots (some of which were reptiles), blending well with their own blue uniforms.

 

He waved and they made their way through the crowd and met again. There was a brief second of awkwardness where neither of them knew what to do.

 

“So… how was your flight?” Flynn asked, avoiding eye contact. Suddenly, it appeared he found the terminal more interesting.

 

“Uh, fine. I slept on the plane, but now my neck hurts a little…” TJ trailed off.

 

They stood there in silence, then the lynx swallowed and felt compelled to raise his arms for a hug. The lizard noticed it and seemed reluctant, before pulling the feline close. Once more, TJ could breath in the musky scent of the lizard’s chest and armpits and feel his friend’s breath blowing on the fur of his ears and forehead.

 

TJ also did his best to ignore the rare, but familiar stirring in his loins. They quickly broke the embrace and the lynx smiled, despite feeling embarrassed. It was just a hug. Maybe being a couple of weeks in Canada without much time to address one of his own, often neglected, needs was starting to make him easily aroused.

 

He knew he swinged both ways. At least, he suspected so. He recalled how he felt when he saw or when he imagined Leo and Chase, engaged in their heavy petting. The wolf gently nibbling and licking the otter’s ear, TJ wondering how good that must have felt…

 

“Uh, Teej? Everything alright?” Flynn’s question brought him back from his thoughts. Deep down, the lynx was embarrassed from his body’s reaction.

 

“Hm, sorry, just a bit tired. Let’s go.”

 

The lizard grunted and nodded, leading the way to a blue ‘95 crown vic. The same one that Luiz, Flynn’s tegu boss, used to take him and Jenna to where Flynn had been living for almost a whole year. The gila opened the back door and TJ thanked him, before hoisting his bag and sliding it on the backseat, next to a large folder - he presumed these were the important documents Flynn was supposed to get.

 

After closing the door and getting into the car, he noticed how warm it was inside. The lynx unzipped his jacket and realized Flynn likely turned the heat on maximum. The gila was soon behind the wheel and, before he knew it, they were making their way around the airport, and to the road to Pueblo.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


It took some time for them to start talking, and TJ could tell something was off. Flynn seemed a little distant, when not outright aloof at times - while not being rude or bitter as he used to be. His friendly behavior when he did speak with the younger male did not feel forced, and the lynx wondered if something happened while he was away. Maybe between Jenna and him or even Chase and him.

 

He hoped Carla or Chase didn’t tell him what had happened in the woods back in Echo. Last thing he needed would be for another fight to happen. He knew Flynn was not without blame for touching him against his will - but the young lynx acknowledged the gila could, sometimes, go off on others for doing the same things he did.

 

“So, how have you been? Did anything interesting happen while I was away?” He forced his ears up and a smile on his muzzle, but even he could tell how fake he sounded. His voice had raised an octave by accident and he sounded way too cheerful.

 

Flynn grunted. “Not much. Spent most of my time chatting with my boss and Jenna, or texting you and Carl. Not much room for any exciting shit to happen in my life right now… why’d you ask?”

 

“Oh?” TJ was taken by surprise. He thanked God the lizard did not look at him, for he could not bring himself to look at Flynn’s face. “Nothing, nothing… I have to say… as much as I love seeing my parents, I looked forward to come back here.”

 

“Heh,” was the only response from Flynn, but he did briefly hold the hint of a genuine smile on his scaly lips.

 

“I’m serious! I mean, I know. Maybe it’s wrong or messed up… but after all that happened… I feel like I’m going back _home_ when flying here. As if you guys were a second family,” he paused briefly, ears lowered, then looked at the gila. “I know, sounds stupid, doesn’t it?”

 

“No,” Flynn replied, “no, it doesn’t.” His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter for a brief moment, and shifted his gaze away from TJ. “It’s good to have you back.”

 

They fell into silence again, the lynx fighting the urge to give in to jet lag and fall asleep. As his mind drifted on and off, he tried to keep his thoughts away from going back to how he felt when hugging Flynn. He could still remember the lizard’s musk and his muzzle being slightly pressed against his strong chest.

 

Even now, the memory caused TJ to feel his member twitch slightly within its protected sheath. Maybe, even if he always felt a little guilty about it, he could get rid of that itch later. He concluded that his problem was just that - neglecting his needs. After a quick session in the shower, everything would be back to normal.

 

He also wondered if Flynn’s somewhat aloof behavior came from noticing his erection back at the airport. Maybe the gila found it weird to see a friend reacting that way. Or felt embarrassed as well.

 

Now he felt even more troubled about that than when he had been a teenager, dancing with Sarah in that party his church had thrown. He had the excuse of being a teenager then. He was twenty-two now and he could see Flynn was not interested. Maybe he screwed their friendship up.

 

Before his thoughts could dwell more, the lynx noticed they were pulling by a roadside truck stop. Flynn killed the engine. “Gotta go take a piss, be right back,” he said.

 

“Okay,” TJ nodded and watched as the gila walked off. There was only one truck there, and the place seemed deserted, though he could notice a couple of people moving about inside the dinner after paying enough attention. It was about one or two in the afternoon now and the sun shone behind the building and into his eyes. Flynn’s GPS pointed at them being nearly in Pueblo. TJ planned to take a shower and take care of his problem as soon as they arrived, then go to bed.

 

Flynn came back after about five minutes. He must have been really needing to go. The lizard entered the car and started the engine without a word and they found themselves making their way to Pueblo.

 

As soon as they reached the outskirts of the town, Flynn spoke once more: “Listen, Teej, Luiz said he’d convince our boss to let me have the rest of the day free once I drop the car and the files. Do you mind if I go straight to the mall and then drive us home in my truck?”

 

The lynx was jolted from his thoughts. “Huh? Oh, it’s fine.”

 

To be honest, TJ was really tired, but he had decided that a few more minutes awake wouldn’t be that bad. Flynn took the left exit from Route 25, which was soon after WellMart Supercenter - right where TJ’s latest bit of temporary work was - and headed towards the Goodwill store, turning right and soon they spotted Pueblo KWest Mall.

 

From afar, TJ could spot both of his friend’s bosses standing in the parking lot. Luiz was tall and large, and the slim Richard Maitland by his side. Somehow, the goat became even more noticeable due the contrast in size from the large tegu. Soon, Flynn parked the car right in front of them.

 

“Let’s go,” the lizard said and did not wait for TJ, before opening the door and leaving, reaching for the large file folders and TJ’s luggage. The lynx quickly undid his seatbelt and hopped off, thanking him for fetching his bag.

 

“Welcome back, Flynn.” Luiz grinned, blowing some cigarette smoke from his nostrils. The tegu raised one eyeridge at TJ and his grin briefly faded, before returning. “And hello there, kiddo. I hope you had a nice trip back.”

 

TJ smiled and nodded. “Yes, I had. Thanks.” The older lizard intimidated him, almost like Flynn used to in Echo. He was never rude or anything, it was just his size and presence. And the large revolver he carried in his old west-style leather holster.

 

Yet, TJ was grateful to the older reptile for taking him and Jenna to Flynn.

 

Mr. Maitland let out a ‘hm’ and walked to Flynn, saying a low ‘thank you’ as he passed the files. He quickly leafed through the folders, before nodding in approval.

 

“Well done, Mr. Moore. You have earned your day. You may go home now.”

 

Without waiting for a response, the goat walked back inside the mall’s employee entrance. Luiz patted Flynn’s back a tad too strongly, making the younger lizard stumble forward. TJ flinched a little as Flynn almost crashed into him.

 

“I told ya I’d convince him to let ya rest. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine alone. Now go and drive your cute church boy _amigo_ home. Seeya tomorrow, Flynn.” The older lizard spoke with his deep and boisterous voice, the fat covering the thick muscles of his jowls trembling as he spoke.

 

The lynx wondered if Luiz noticed the brief grimace on Flynn’s face. The gila quickly schooled his features into his usual neutral expression. “Thanks, Luiz, I appreciate it. Seeya.”

 

The fat tegu chuckled and entered the company’s patrol car, turning it on again and driving around the mall’s large parking lot.

 

“Let’s go before Mr. Maitland changes his mind,” Flynn grinned and TJ returned it with a smile of his own, then both made their way to Flynn’s battered truck.

  
  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Things did not improve much when they arrived. Flynn made them dinner - he had whipped out something quick and filling: Baked potatoes with cheese. They did not talk much, even though TJ noticed he seemed to be getting along well with Jenna. It was something that made him happy: In a weird way, they now felt as if they were part of the same family.

 

They briefly chatted over his trip to Canada and he showed his friends a few pictures from it. Flynn mostly spoke when talked to, otherwise, he seemed to be trying hard to not look at his direction. If Jenna had noticed anything, she hasn’t shown it.

 

After he was done eating, the lynx excused himself and went to the bathroom. It was still around six in the afternoon, but he was really tired.

 

TJ brushed his teeth, then undressed and made to go to the shower stall, before stopping himself. He hesitated to continue with what he was about to do next, licking his lips and ignoring the remaining taste of toothpaste that might have still clung to the short fur around them.

 

_The flesh is weak._

 

With that thought, the lynx gently took off the gold cross necklace he always wore since he was thirteen and gently laid it over his pajamas. He could never masturbate while wearing it. While TJ liked to think of himself - and his God - as rather accepting, he had always felt wrong when he gave in to his urges. And he felt possibly repulsive if he had given in while wearing the symbol of his faith. Even if he had to admit that, in the last two years, he felt his beliefs were being tested.

 

_Better not go there._

 

He moved as if on autopilot, not really remembering when he had stepped into the shower stall and turned the warm water on. It had been some time, since there was some steam. He let the water soak down his winter coat and let out a bitter chuckle. Not even his depression and his crisis of faith made that ache on his sheathed member go away. He needed that.

 

His right paw reached down and gently rubbed his furry sheath, his cock twitched in response and he felt his tailhole clenching and relaxing. TJ let out a low sigh and his left paw cupped his fuzzy balls, thumb gently rubbing them. By now, the head of his member had come out, and his fingers slid over it. The lynx shuddered as he ran a thumb over the head, sending waves of pleasure through his body and making his legs tremble slightly. By now, his length was almost halfway out of its sheath and the lynx could smell his own musk. It was too much. He could feel his member twitching in his handpaw a few more times - as well as the way his asshole twitched near-simultaneously - and his cock was finally fully erect.

 

TJ took a trembling breath. It had been almost a year since he had felt the overwhelming urge to play with himself. He looked down. While he did not understand much about this kind of things, he had to admit he was generously gifted for someone his height, being able to estimate it was about nine inches or so. His soft paw started stroking his member and TJ’s left paw let go of his balls and held against the shower tiled wall.

 

The lynx closed his eyes, still being able to breath the faint smell of his own musk as the warm water cascaded over his back, coming from the showerhead of the wall he supported himself on as he hunched over his own erection to huff at his own scent. He very rarely looked at porn, so TJ always found using his imagination more practical.

 

He tried to remember the way Sarah grind her hips against him back when he was a teenager, but funny enough, he couldn’t even remember her appearance clearly. It had been so long… his thoughts drifted, as if beyond his control, to when he saw Leo and Chase making out and the heavy petting it almost always had led to. He wondered how nice did it feel, to have one’s bigger hands exploring his fuzzy body, a long tongue playing with his ear… but he found his imaginary lover’s tongue being long, thin, forked… _no, no, that’s just wrong._

 

Flynn was gay, he knew, but if he reacted that way when he saw how TJ popped a boner at the airport from hugging him, the lynx dreaded to find out how he’d react if knew what he was up to at this very moment. His paw slowed down briefly, before picking up speed.

 

_Don’t be ridiculous, Tobias. It’s not like he’s a telepath anyway._

 

His thoughts kept straying into that forbidden territory and he tried to push them away, trying to think of different folks. At first, he tried to picture females, but when it did not work as well, he thought of males - but even that did not work to keep his minds away from his newest friend. Eventually, TJ found himself too tired to fight them and the lynx gave in: He allowed himself to imagine his friend and roommate gently nibbling on his ear, licking it, then trailing his neck with kisses, going down and down, his large hands firmly, yet gently feeling his furry, slim body all over…

 

TJ moaned between labored breaths. The lynx now rested his head on his forearm, which was held against the wall. His pace turned faster and more erratic, until, with a muffled moan, the young male finally shot his seed against the light gray tiles on the wall. It came out in three thick ropes, before just dribbling down his member, coating his fingers and leaving the fur on his paw sticky.

 

With his breath trembling, feeling dizzy and guilty with his afterglow, the lynx stood there under the stream of water, until he recovered his senses and proceeded to use the shower hose to clean the wall and send the proof of his sins down the drain, then thoroughly washed himself, making sure to not leave any bit of fur sticky to not raise suspicions.

 

After drying himself and getting dressed, muttering a short prayer as an apology before putting on his necklace, the lynx left the bathroom and bid his roommates a good night, finally locking himself inside his own bedroom.

 

He prayed that night, like any other night, before sleeping. Trying to shake away the feelings of guilt, awkwardness and his apathy at what used to be something he even enjoyed doing before every night’s sleep.

 

TJ did not sleep well that night, afraid of what would happen now that, on top of a crisis of faith, he pleased himself to the thought of the man who has had a rather turbulent past with him. It was almost as screwed up as one of Jenna’s ‘hentai’ mangas he once read. He had been curious, but quickly put it aside. And he might have pushed him away now, all thanks to his body betraying him.

 

But he did not cry that night, even if sometimes it felt like he would. With a deep breath, TJ figured it would be fine if it never happened again.


	15. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flynn has been spending the last days debating to himself if keeping his distance from TJ, in order to stop the weird sensations he has about him, is a good thing or not. Maybe he could ask someone experienced for some help...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, just a warmup of sorts for what's to come.

**Distance**

 

The last two days were fucking awful.

 

In fact, it had started being that awful a little after Christmas. Without TJ around, it was nice to be getting along Jenna for once. But he still felt himself missing his friend. Flynn had to admit to himself that Toby’s adorable smile - when he smiled for real - was something that lifted his spirits when he saw it. ‘Specially if he had been the one to make him smile.

 

Sure, he missed Carl, too. But while he and Carl felt like brothers most of the time, the ram did not give him that urge to be a better person. As fucked up as it was, the lizard knew he started changing his attitude to get along better with TJ… and he did not regret it.

 

But since the day he received the message from TJ about his return, Flynn realized that he felt something else for the lynx. Something more… physical. And it troubled him.

 

Maybe he had been without sex for too long, but he feared how his friend would react if he knew how much Flynn wanted to hold that embrace when he returned, to feel that smaller, soft, warm, fuzzy body of his friend against his own. Had it been anyone else, it would have been alright. But it was Toby - and even if he were gay, Flynn was positive that what he had done to him in the past would have made his chances with the lynx pretty much _nihl_.

 

Since then, the lizard could not look at TJ in the eye without feeling terribly ashamed.

 

Flynn’s thoughts were brought to a painful end when Luiz’s gloved fist connected with the top-left of his muzzle. The haymaker brought him back to reality, but he had little time to react when the tegu hit his stomach with a left uppercut, then delivered a right-hand jab right on his mouth, any loss of teeth being prevented solely by the protection the gila wore.

 

Flynn fell down against the ropes and his gloved hands failed to grab them, so he could not prevent himself from bouncing off them and falling face-first into the floor. He could hear his coworkers and boss’ shocked gasps and feel Luiz’s heavy footsteps - accented by the click-clack of his claws hitting the ring’s floor - and the sound of the boxing gloves being dropped on the floor.

 

“Are you okay, _amigo_? You’ve been pretty outta there the entire day. Come.”

 

Luiz helped him up and they left the ring. Two other of his coworkers got in, and Angelo, the elephant, coached them as they trained. The tegu led Flynn to the small bench close to the lockers and the few gym equipment they could fit in their headquarters’ garage, and sat him down. Flynn now recovered his senses and watched his boss fetch water and a towel, while mumbling about his daydreaming. The gila spat his teeth protector and noticed some blood dripping from it. His snout hurt and his head was pounding.

 

“What’s going on, Flynn? Last time, you could dodge that haymaker and punch my stomach just fine.” The tegu cleaned the wounds to the younger lizard’s head and tsked at what he saw. The gila knew the left side of his face would swell.

 

“In fact,” Luiz continued, “you’ve been like this before your pals found ya again. What happened? Did you guys have a fight or somethin’?”

 

Well, shit. Now he had to answer his boss with _something_. Flynn just hoped he would drop the subject.

 

“No… it’s just personal.”

 

The older lizard hummed and placed one hand on Flynn’s shoulder. “Personal or no,  if you stay like that on the job, people are gonna walk all over you. Richard noticed you haven’t been right lately as well.”

 

Flynn scoffed. “Richard can go fuck himself, for all I care.”

 

The tegu now seemed stern. “Richard pays your salary and, believe or not, is genuinely worried for your well-being.” The gila felt the hand on his shoulder give a brief squeeze, the tips of Luiz’s long claws gently pressing against his scales in an uncomfortable manner, before pulling off. “Let’s go. We’re done for the day - I doubt you’ll be able to do much with all your ‘personal issues’ fucking with your mind.”

 

The younger lizard grunted, but nodded in agreement. He went to the lockers and took a quick shower, then got ready to leave. By the time he walked out, the sparring match was finished and now Angelo spotted for Luiz as the tegu bench-pressed. Upon noticing him, his boss put the weights back on their place and sat up.

 

“Listen, Flynn, I just wanna you to know that, if you need help with something, you can ask me. Just think of it as a boss who wants his employees in good shape. So keep that in mind… while you still have all your teeth.” He grinned.

 

Flynn smiled and immediately could tell his face was swollen from the pain and the way his lips did not stretch as usual. “Sure. I’ll keep it in mind.”

 

The tegu nodded and switched places with the elephant as Flynn left for home.

  
  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


As soon as Flynn entered the apartment, he could see his friends noticed the swelling on his face. TJ looked horrified, while Jenna just raised her eyebrows, a look of concern and curiosity on her face.

 

“Before any of you ask, I was sparring with my boss and lowered my guard. It’s not as bad as it looks, though it hurts like a bitch.”

 

He ran his tongue on the left inner side of his mouth, feeling the iron-like taste of the wounded flesh that was crushed against his teeth when he got punched.

 

The first to break the silence after that was TJ, who got to his feet and opened the refrigerator. “Jenna, can you please give me a towel?”

 

“Alright,” the fennec moved to the bathroom and came back with a small hand towel. The lynx poured about a dozen ice cubes on it and tied them inside the towel, then moved to press it against Flynn’s swollen face. The lizard recoiled from the pain, but then allowed it to remain, holding it in place and moving to sit on the futon.

 

Flynn tried to focus on the game show on tv, just to distract himself, but he could tell his friends sitting on both sides of the futon were looking at him still. He sighed.

 

“Guys, really, it’s fine. But thanks for the ice.”

 

“You have to keep it there for about thirty minutes, then off for fifteen, and repeat that for some three hours, do that a few times every day for the first thirty-six hours,” TJ explained as if quoting from a textbook, oblivious to the gila’s protests. “Remember to drink plenty of water and, after thirty-six hours, you have to put a warm compress on the area. Make sure to take some sun as well.” He smiled as if hoping he had been helpful. Flynn forced a half-smile in return, ignoring the sting of pain.

 

“Thanks, Teej.”

 

It was awkward. While he knew TJ would be worried about him, he could tell the lynx was going the extra mile so he could be on good terms with him. And that made Flynn feel like shit. He hoped that keeping distance from the lynx would make his growing desire go away, but he could not do that without hurting Toby and it would be difficult to do so while living in the same place.

 

The lizard laid his eyes on Jenna. He knew she might pick something up about how they are acting around each other - if she hasn’t done so already. She seemed distracted, chatting with her coworker and that alligator colleague she spoke about. Apparently, the three of them shared an interest about the weird happenings such as what went on in Echo two years ago.

 

Carl was still out of town, and would be back by the end of the month, just before college started again. Flynn knew it meant that he had to take a risk and ask his boss for help.

 

“You can remove the compress now, Flynn,” TJ said. The gila blinked and slowly lowered his hand, most of the ice within the towel had already melted and some dripped on his left shoulder. The ache on his face had subsided a little.

 

“Give some fifteen minutes and we’ll put another cold one, alright?” The lynx smiled. Flynn just nodded and got up on his feet.

 

“I’m gonna make dinner, then take a shower,” he announced. Jenna briefly looked at him and replied with a mumbled ‘alright’ and TJ  just nodded and smiled, choosing to stay on the futon. He could see the lynx once in a while stealing a glance at him. The little guy really worried about others, it seemed.

 

Flynn quickly whipped a bean salad, and made a couple of fried chicken fillets. When they sat to eat, the lemon juice Jenna had squeezed stung against the wounds in his left cheek, but he figured it’d at least clean them. He chewed his food carefully, fighting the urge to wince or groan whenever one of his teeth scraped against the tender flesh.

 

After finishing his meal and waiting for his friends to be done, TJ promptly said he would do the dishes that day. The lizard asked if he was sure, but it was mostly out of politeness. He wanted to just take a shower and go to sleep soon. After the lynx’s insistence, he replied with an ‘right’ and went on with his evening ritual.

 

About one hour later, his mind was still on a loop, trying to forget his urge to check the little lynx out. It was not like he had never done that - he admitted to himself that, even back in Echo, he considered TJ an attractive guy. He also was a realist and knew better than to allow himself to be caught sizing him up like a fucking college kid.

 

Now, alone and in the dark, the gila laid on his right side. His face still hurt too much for him to sleep with his left side resting on the pillow. Amongst the last thoughts he had before sleep took him, the dominant one was a mental note to approach his boss and see if he could arrange for some other hot guy to fuck him when he’s free. Hopefully, it would go well this time, and not end up in the humiliating awkwardness it was his encounter with Luther, the eagle Luiz had set him up with.

  
  


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In the next morning, the gila stirred and groaned as his alarm rang. He reached for his phone and pressed the snooze button. He knew TJ would be up and about in five or ten minutes and Jenna would be in her room for half a hour or so. Let them make the waffles she bought that day - he wanted a little extra rest. To be perfectly honest with himself, he actually did not want to do anything.

 

It was when he turned around and noticed the slight cool and damp feeling he knew very well meant his crotch was wet. Did his fear come true and he pissed himself in his sleep?

 

He shifted so he could reach his hand into his boxers, but by then he could tell the cause of his problem was not piss.

 

“Shit!” He tossed the covers and his hand came back, covered in his seed. “Aw, fuck…”

 

Flynn sat there in silence, the blue-white lights of the rising sun coming through the blinds of the window, coming to terms he had jizzed himself in his sleep. It then came to him.

 

He had dreamt someone had been lazily draped over his back. A smaller, furry male. He felt his companion kissing his neck and shoulders, the feline whiskers tickling his scaly skin, before his smaller companion pulled back and adjusted himself so he could fuck him. It started slow, but his lover’s pace increased fast, and he could feel the fuzzy, large paw reaching around and stroking his member somewhat clumsily as his lover struggled to keep a steady rhythm jerking him off while fucking his tailhole.

 

From the moans of his lover, and his build, Flynn could have a pretty good guess it was TJ, even in his dream. He remembered calling for his name as he felt himself edging closer.

 

Sure, other details about his dream also came to him, like how the place they were in was a mish-mash of the motel room in Echo, and their apartment. And he had been sure Carl had shown up through the window and given him a double thumbs-up, but that was a dream.

 

A fucking stupid dream.

 

With one groan, the lizard rolled out of his futon and, upon making sure he had not creamed the sheets as well, he decided to shut off his alarm and go take a shower. As much as he did not wish to go to work, he knew he had to. And as much as he wished to get a little extra time laying in bed, he knew better than let Jenna or TJ catch him with a huge wet spot in front of his boxers that _obviously_ isn’ water - and the smell of cum wafting from him. Being tall meant his crotch would be much closer to their noses and, if he could smell it from where he stood, they sure as hell could too.

 

The rest of his morning went by fast, the gila going through the motions mechanically. After he dropped TJ in the rather shabby field owned by the small team the lynx worked for - with a silent and awkward drive there - he went straight to work.

 

He presumed Luiz had told the goat about what happened, considering Mr. Maitland just gave his swollen face a brief look and a nod. He mentioned that Flynn could stay with in the camera room, but the gila declined: He did not feel like spending his day cooped up in the dark room before getting the much-needed needed advice from his boss.

 

Well, more like he needed to ask for his help again.

 

Which led to how he found himself standing silently by Luiz’s side, as the tegu explained the ‘revolutionary’ idea he had to ward skaters off from the stairs: He had convinced Richard to install rails that raised in a way that would break the boards once skaters jumped on them. He had to admit that his ‘teardrop-shaped rails’ were a great idea, but he kept quiet. He needed to find an opening on his boss talking so he could chime his question in.

 

“And that’s that!” The older lizard finally finished his long speech with a proud grin. “By the way, you still look a bit troubled, _amigo_. What’s the matter?”

 

Flynn sighed. “You see, I’ve been without action for a while, and I…”

 

Immediately, the fat tegu eyed the younger gila in a sly manner. “Ohhhh, I see! Well, I’ll see if some of the guys I know are available. Any preferences?”

 

With a shrug, Flynn just said: “As long as it isn’t Luther, I’m fine. Things were a bit awkward between us.”

 

“I understand, I understand,” Luiz nodded in a fatherly way, even his voice taking a softer tone.

 

Flynn sighed inward with relief. He would take care of that itch, and he could go back to hanging out with Teej without any awkwardness between them. It would all be fine.

 

Then he realized lunch break was approaching. He picked up his phone and his thumb hovered over the screen, before he figured it was better to text TJ. He settled for a casual tone.

 

_“Hey, Teej, will you come hang out today?”_

 

His text was marked as received and read. But it took a while and, for a moment, Flynn was concerned. Then his phone buzzed with the reply:

 

_“Sorry, Flynn. Stuck in training, some guys didn’t practice and one tore a muscle. Hope you enjoy your lunch!”_

 

Flynn briefly smiled, and send just a ‘thanks’ as answer and pocketed his phone. It was alright, he was just horny and TJ was the only nearest handsome male available that he got along with. As soon as he satisfied that need, things would be better.

 

Later that day, he texted TJ telling he would get home late. The lynx replied with a rather enthusiastic tone, and Flynn hoped it meant he would not mind. Just some distance between them now to later get close again. And that was all Flynn had in his mind, even as his boss introduced him to a rather handsome stud of a horse named Aaron, who worked in the Fire Department. The gila had to admit: He was perfect! 

 

He had a silky light brown coat, almost shone in golden tones under the lights of the small bar they were in. His body was chiseled like a greek sculpture, his muscles firm and well-developed, yet not exaggeratedly so like that of a bodybuilder.

 

Aaron was witty, had a pleasant, smooth voice, the small stubble of a goatee he had added to his charm, and he certainly knew how to use those prehensile equine lips of his, as he showed off how he rolled a cigarette and lit it up with them. He had beautiful light brown eyes which, under the neon lights from behind the counter, looked like two gold pomels. Somewhere in his mind, Flynn amused himself at the thought that _this_ was the forbidden fruit. And that it was worth falling from paradise to get it.

 

Yet, despite all that… the sex was not as fulfilling. Flynn did reach his climax that night. Twice. But he still felt empty inside. Luckly, he had managed to hide his true feelings and bid the stud a good night, then drove all the way to his apartment, the empty feeling he had before had only increased.

  
  


\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


A few weeks passed by. Carl had came back from his holidays trip and they would hang out once in a while. Sometimes with TJ, like earlier the past year. But his friends could tell he was behaving differently. They were now in late February and Flynn had been going out with someone practically every week. His partners changed every couple of weeks or so: He’d usually make it too awkward for it to work much for the frustration of his boss, who did talk highly about him to all the folks he set up.

 

While it did make the gila feel awful, it was nothing compared to how he missed just sitting with his friends and enjoying the silence with them. Or talk about what was in their minds, none of that forced chitchat people felt like doing when there were two or more in the same place.

 

Another thing that ate him from the inside was how he just fucking wished he could hug TJ at times. Not a brief, friendly hug, but pull him close and feel the lynx’s soft fur against him. To nuzzle against the smaller male, to kiss that cute mouth of his…

 

Sometimes, when they talked and Toby gave him a genuine smile, he would freeze up and change the subject or look the other way and, immediately, TJ would make a face that reminded him of when a child did something wrong but were not sure what.

 

Carl did notice that, but he could not bring himself to tell the ram what was going on. Not yet. After all, what if he told him just to grow out of his stupid crush on Toby, of all people? It wouldn’t do. Besides… what could Carl do to help in that regard? His friend had been out with this or that fellow college mate, but he had no real experience in actual relationships. Just like Flynn himself. That and he knew his friend would relentlessly taunt him for that.

 

The gila’s thoughts were interrupted by someone’s heavy hand tapping on his shoulder. With a start, he realized he had been ignoring the armadillo lady asking him something and the person tapping his shoulder was Luiz.

 

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but he’s foreign. He just watches the cameras, and is going right back to the CCTV room, right, Fernando?” 

 

Flynn blinked, then nodded. “Uh?  Si, si, Io me go.” He spoke in the accent he recalled from an old cartoon about a very fast mouse from Mexico he used to watch as a child.

 

The hand on his shoulder gripped tighter again and he could see his boss clenched his teeth the way he did when someone made him angry. He gave a short nod and scurried away to the CCTV room, a frown on his face.

 

Once he sat on the chair overlooking the cameras, it did not take long for his boss to storm in, clearly furious.

 

“Listen, you racist _puto_ motherfucker, next time you try to say something in spanish, you either do that in spanish or don’t do it at all!” He pushed the chair Flynn sat on with a kick, so it would swivel and face him, the gila quickly uncurling his tail from its base so it wouldn’t get twisted. “Is that understood?” His cigarette breath wafted over to the younger man’s face and he had taken off his mirrored aviators, letting the gila see his dark brown eyes burning with rage.

 

Now, Flynn had been training hard, he had gained some muscle, and he had given Leo a brief pause in the past - even if their fights usually ended in the wolf’s favor. But his boss, not only being his superior of course, could be pretty intimidating. Despite Luiz’s age and girth, the younger lizard had no doubt the tegu would be able to bring him down quicker than Leo or Chase ever did. Even being some two or three inches taller than his boss did not sound like an advantage.

 

Flynn swallowed and licked his lips, suddenly feeling cold and leaning back on his chair. He tried to hold his boss’s gaze, but the older lizard’s glare filled him with anxiety and unease, so much so that the gila could barely take it anymore and relented.

 

“Shit, fine! I’m sorry, Luiz!” The younger lizard said, exasperated, his heart pounding. The tegu nodded and straightened himself back, a smirk forming on his lips and he snickered, before bellowing a laugh.

 

“Ahahahaha, woah, I really _got_ a rise out of ya, _amigo_! Come on, it takes more than a racist impersonation from a pal of mine to piss me off. But I wanted to see if you’d fall for that! Haha!”

 

Luiz’s belly laugh echoed in the dark CCTV room, and now the gila calmed down a little, he scowled at his boss. “You’re an asshole, Luiz, know that?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, don’t talk that way to your boss, kid! Besides, I’ve had people tell me that before - say somethin’ about me that I don’t know.” The tegu pulled a free chair and took his seat, the piece of furniture creaking under his weight. “Come on, lighten up.”

 

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before exhaling, Flynn snorted. “Yeah, sure. That was _very_ funny.”

 

“It was! But, seriously… don’t pull that racist BS again on me, alright?”

 

“Fine. Whatever, Luiz… fuck… you scared the shit out of me, man…” He put a hand over his chest as if he were having a heart attack. While Flynn never liked pranks, he had to admit he felt an immense sense of relief his boss was not really angry.

 

The tegu responded with a chuckle and they both continued watching the cameras. Flynn did not like to have his pride wounded, but he figured it would do good to not take that personally. Jenna might have had a point when she told him he should owe to his fuckups and he _had_ been a bit disrespectful to Luiz. He fought the urge to snicker at the thought of Jenna lecturing him about his poor impersonation of an immigrant.

 

After a few hours, his boss finally broke the silence. “What’s going on with ya, Flynn? You’ve been daydreaming still. Know, like how you used to.”

 

Again, the kind of thing the gila dreaded: Being asked what was eating him. It was one thing when he felt the need to ask for the middle-aged tegu’s advice. It was another when he tried to pry it out of him. 

 

He did not want to share that bit of information about himself with anyone. It would do no good and it would, ultimately, just serve to embarrass him more than anything ever did before. It was his burden to bear.

 

“Nothing, really…”

 

“Mhm, yeah, ‘nothing’,” Luiz’s reply dripped with sarcasm, “this is why you have been fucking half of the gay folks in this town the past month. You said it was lack of sex - well, from what I hear, you are a little… distant when in the act.” The tegu frowned and checked the cameras, but Flynn knew he would continue. His tail curled around the base of the chair and he clenched his fists. Luiz seemed oblivious to that and continued: “I thought you had a problem bottoming and wanted to top, but even the last two guys didn’t do much. Hell, they all said it took a while to get your cock to come out of its hiding place. Flynn, what gives?”

 

“Look, Luiz, you’re a cool guy and I’m even startin’ to see ya as a friend - unless you pull that creepy bullshit you just did again,” Luiz chuckled, “but this is my own shit I’ve got to deal with.”

 

The tegu let out a loud sigh. “Alright, then, suffer alone if you wish. But, sometimes, know that talking helps ease some of your emotional pains and shit. And, who knows? I may have the solution to your problem.”

 

“Heh, thanks, but no, thanks.”

 

“Suit yourself.” The fat lizard shrugged and turned back to the screens.

 

Flynn glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. He would be going home soon, as their shift was about to end. He swallowed again and looked at his boss, who seemed absorbed by his job.

 

Soon, he would be home, and having to walk a fine line between hurting TJ by avoiding him or torturing himself by being around the object of his desire. It was too much. He would rather be trounced by the tegu than feel that weird kind of lust for much longer. That heartache hurt almost as much as guilt. It was a feeling he had never experienced before. And it hurt him to know he couldn’t be loved.

 

With a defeated sigh, he turned to his boss. “Listen, Luiz… I need your help.”

 

“I’m listening.” The tegu leaned his head on his right fist, looking at Flynn with disinterest.

 

So, after finally concluding he had no other way to end his pain without fucking up his friendship with TJ, he told his boss and sort of friend what he wanted.

 

Luiz smirked in response.


	16. Journey to Self-Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ tries to follow the helpful advice from his therapist: To get to know himself better... and a sequence of surprises may end up accidentally helping him in this journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took a while to write. Whew...

**Journey to Self-Discovery**

 

The clock inside Carla’s office and the sound of their own breathing were the only noises TJ could hear for the last five minutes or so. He had told Carla about his past with Flynn in Echo, the events that happened since his childhood up to the point he convinced Flynn to move in with him and Jenna, and his lack of hope for an actual decent future. She had helped him a lot, even if there were some days he woke up and felt as if he had made no progress at all.

 

But that was alright: It was normal for someone suffering from depression to have their highs and lows. They spent most of the session discussing his trip to Canada and Flynn’s weird attitude towards him. TJ felt as if he had screwed up somehow, but the owl’s question did make sense to him: She asked if there was _any_ way he felt he had offended his friend. And, to be perfectly honest, TJ knew the answer would be ‘no’.

 

He knew maybe that… reaction from his body had weirded Flynn out, but how would he talk about that to Carla? He couldn’t even bring himself to ask Jenna about it. His parents wouldn’t be much help and he was far away from his old congregation to ask a church counselor.

 

And, of course, that also would lead to the fact he had been masturbating more often as of late. It also bothered him to no end.

 

They had twenty minutes left in their session still. The lynx swallowed, his ears low, and he decided to try his hand at something he regrettably had some practice with: Lying.

 

“Uh, Doctor, can you help me with something? You see, I have this friend… and he’s having a little problem…” he trailed off and looked at the therapist. Carla did not show any reaction other than stopping her writing.

 

“Yes?” The owl asked.

 

“And he, uh, he’s having a crush on someone of the same gender… and he knows he kinda swings both ways, but he has repressed that side of his for a while… and, ah, he has no clue on what he should do. How to proceed. And, to make matters worse, the person my friend is crushing on is his friend. And he thinks it may ruin their friendship if he asks him out. So… what should I tell him? I have no experience with this kind of stuff, but he won’t confide that to anyone else.”

 

Carla placed her pad and pen down on her desk, then tented her taloned fingers. She briefly hummed, her eyes narrowing down. For a second, TJ thought she would point out that she knew this ‘friend’ was really him, but it never happened.

 

“I see. Well, the situation between your friend and his friend, there is not much that can be done other than either growing out of it or gathering the courage to confess, I am afraid. Since it depends on his friend’s thoughts about it.”

 

“Oh.” TJ answered in almost a whisper, his ears lowering.

 

“However, about his bisexuality… I believe that the best course is for him to realize there is no need to repress that side of his. This kind of behavior is natural and has been present in the animal kingdom for ages, if science is to be believed. It is not really about choice, since it has been proven people are born like that through neurology and brain chemistry analysis conducted in laboratory, as well as the general consensus of the psychiatric community.”

 

Now the lynx’s ears perked up. While he had heard this or that about the topic, Carla had summed it up pretty well. The owl continued:

 

“I cannot say how your friend should explore that side of his, since each person has different ways and experiences, but I would strongly recommend caution. To not give himself to… reckless pursuits. To, first, know himself: he should do some research about the subject. For example, talking to people that are open-minded and more experienced that may tell you about their own experiences. In fact… here,” the gray-feathered bird got up from her high chair and walked to her bookshelf, looking briefly and then pulling two books, handing them over to TJ.

 

The lynx looked at the book she handed him with a mix of apprehension, curiosity and interest.

 

 “The thin one is usually meant for teenagers and… inexperienced young adults who did not have LGBT-themed sex education. The other, Two Boys Kissing, is a novel. I will not lie, it can be kind of depressing, but it also shows a multitude of different LGBT relationships. Lend these to your friend, and I also advise him to, if he has internet, to use it for research. He can also always come to me or Jenna if he has any questions.” She looked at the clock on the wall, “Our time is up, Mr. Hess. Same time next Friday?” Her eyes showed a hint of a smile.

 

TJ’s head was swimming in conflicting thoughts, but he had to admit he had been itching to read what she handed to him. Maybe it would really help him. It had been some time since TJ last felt that hopeful.

 

He extended his handpaw and shook the therapist’s firm talons. “Thanks, Doctor! See you next week!”

 

With that, the lynx hastily excused himself and left. Carla tented her hands and watched him leaving, her eyes narrowing in thought.

 

“Ah, you are very welcome, Mr. Hess.” And she made a note on his profile:

 

_‘Possibly smitten with friend(Flynn?)’_

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Coach Todd blew his whistle and the training was over. TJ sighed internally with satisfaction and approached him.

 

“It’s the first time in ages they don’t get hurt.” The lynx smiled. The Coach laughed.

 

“After I scolded them lazy kids for not exercisin’, I think they got the message. You can go home now, Tobias.”

 

“Thanks, Coach.” The lynx hurried to the lockers so he could pick his bag up. He was not going to go hang out with Flynn that day.

 

It had taken a few weeks after the talk with Carla about his ‘friend in need of help’; TJ had given a lot of thought about what it was said and had studied the material she had given him. That and he decided to follow her advice and use the internet (and having cautious judgement while doing so - he had come across some dubious information).

 

The bus ride had gone by quickly and, soon, TJ found himself inside their shared apartment. The lynx wondered if Jenna would be home soon. Flynn would spend most of the day at work and he just left around eight or nine. He looked at the clock on the wall: Six and thirty-one. Jenna would usually be home by that time, and the lynx found his ears flat against his head, before straightening them up.

 

In the past weeks he had taken the advice, to explore his neglected side, to the heart. It felt awkward, but he slowly felt more comfortable with the act. While he still felt a little ashamed about playing with himself, it did not fill him with regret like it used to.

 

True enough, he tried again to do it with other sources of ‘inspiration’. While some worked better than others, he would always find his internet browser history crowded with reptile-mammal porn as time went on. TJ had been smart enough to erase his browser history, even though he knew neither of his friends would mess with his computer. He still preferred to be safe than sorry.

 

Picking his phone, TJ quickly sent a text to Jenna.

 

_“Everything alright? You’re usually home by now.”_

 

The answer came soon:

 

_“Hanging out with Carla. I think we’ll be here a while. Tell Flynn that I’ll eat out, so he can just make something light for you two.”_

 

The lynx licked his lips and texted Flynn, his heart beating faster now. He asked if he would be home as usual or would be out until late, as well as passing Jenna’s message. And Flynn answered:

 

_“I’ll be home in four hours or so. Order a pizza if you get too hungry and I’m not home yet. I’ll give ya the money.”_

 

So, TJ had at least two hours and half to kill. He would usually go take a shower, and then study about some random subject on the internet… but with so much free time alone, the lynx knew he would do some ‘research’. He felt his ears, nose and cheeks flushing as he smiled in an embarrassed manner, and quickly made his way to his bedroom.

 

At first, TJ always imagined that finding the kind of thing he would like to see would be easy: Just type in what you want and the search engine would do the rest. What not even the books Carla lent, nor the articles he read on the internet had told him, was how numerous kinds of smut there were.

 

Some of which seemed good enough. Others thoroughly grossed him out. And then there were those that he was curious about, but knew he’d be hard-pressed to ever ask someone. He supposed ‘guilty pleasures’ would be a proper way to address the last category.

 

He removed his cross with care and put it inside the first drawer, on the left side of his desk, before pulling out a box of wet tissues.

 

Another thing he had never imagine was how difficult it was to find the kind of thing he craved. He had danced around the issue for a while, never really finding the type of smut he, deep down, desired to use as ‘inspiration’. Usually, he would lose his nerve and never conclude the extensive search. He had only one hour before his roommates would show up, but not today.

 

Today, TJ steeled himself and figured it would be better to face what he had been avoiding for the last weeks. And he had the time.

 

Well, he still stared hesitantly at the blank search bar. The lynx psyched himself, but every time his soft paw pads would touch the keyboard, he would freeze up, hesitate, then erase what he had started to type.

 

_This is stupid. Come on, TJ, you can do it._

 

With one last deep breath, he opened gtube - it was like vtube, but it only had gay porn. He swallowed hard: He was already halfway there. He blinked at one of the highlighted videos: It was an orca and a shark. He had never seen an aquatic before.

 

Making a mental note to check it later, the lynx reached for the mouse and clicked the cursor on the site’s search bar. Some of the suggested searches were there - which was odd, considering how he often erased his browser history. With a grumble, he figured he should try and discreetly ask Carl for help in that regard sometime.

 

But none of the suggested terms really matched what he looked for. They came close, like ‘lizard x feline’, but he had wanted something more specific.

 

Grinding his teeth, feeling a shiver coursing through his body, the lynx typed ‘gila x lynx’. He pressed enter and… no results.

 

TJ forced a smile. _“Well, this is it, I tried_ ” he thought to himself. However, his body seemed to be against the idea of giving up. The lynx groaned and adjusted himself in his pants.

 

_I wish my bits didn’t have a mind of their own._

 

Sure, he could try the old-fashioned way, close his eyes and use his imagination. But, darn, one of the forum threads he had read was right: _Porn_ did _spoil you._

 

The lynx leaned back against his chair and groaned again, looking at the ceiling. What now? The only video featuring a reptile and a lynx, the former was a black and white tegu so large that it brought TJ some weird, mixed feelings related to the only tegu he knew. It was an instant turn-off.

 

Then again, he could always look for the solo act from what he desired and his mind would do the rest. With a resigned sigh, TJ straightened himself again, but this time he quickly undid the strings tying his white shorts he wore for his physiotherapist job. He did not pull them down yet, and erased what he had typed in the search bar, replacing it with ‘gila solo’.

 

Hm, still too little, but it was good enough. His eyes scanned the results. TJ was not naive enough to not know most - if not all - of those handsome gila monsters were actors. Still, he had something for the most ‘natural’ kind of thing. The lynx couldn’t describe it accurately, but he had figured it might be why the tags ‘amateur’ and ‘homemade’ were so popular.

 

With a shrug, he brought his attention back to the results, and one did catch his attention.

 

The gila had turquoise-green coloured eyes, pretty close to Flynn’s aqua blue in the right light. He also wore a police uniform. TJ let out an embarrassed chuckle to himself and looked over his shoulder at his bedroom’s door - as if someone would suddenly be standing there. Nobody.

 

_This is stupid, Tobias. You have one hour and half and we both know you don’t last five minutes._

 

Clicking over the thumbnail, the lynx slid his shorts and underwear off, the musk from sweating thanks to the warmer May climate while still having some of his winter coat left wafted to his nose and he took a deep breath. His member was already fully out of its sheath and covered in pre. He watched as the lizard in the video undid his own pants, giving a sly smirk to the camera and reaching for a lubed-up nightstick.

 

By then, the gila’s pants were almost off, only hanging on from one of his legs - hoisted up against the backrest of the couch he laid upon. The reptile’s pink tailhole was clear for the camera, as well as his own large member. TJ briefly chuckled to himself - he knew most males did not have anything that large. The lynx reached down and grabbed his throbbing member as the gila in the video started screwing himself with that baton, his free hand pumping his reptilian manhood.

 

TJ edged himself as the video went on, and the gila was now completely naked, presenting himself, still jerking his meat. TJ pictured his friend and roommate doing the same, closing his eyes and moaning as his own pace quickened. He would come soon.

 

Sadly, he had not heard his phone buzzing with a new message from Jenna, telling she was about to get home. Nor did he hear the fennec unlock the door and get in, turning the living room lights on.

 

And neither would be a big problem... if he had the presence of mind to fully close his bedroom door, instead of just swinging it behind himself once he had gotten in, hoping it’d close all the way.

 

“Hey, TJ, how was training to… day…” Jenna trailed off and stared at the lynx, the blue-ish light from his computer screen shining all over TJ, making the view very clear for her vulpine eyesight, adapted for the night.

 

She had entered as soon as he had blown his load and TJ now froze, staring at her. With the way his computer was located - with its screen to the bedroom entrance, Jenna could see very well what he had been watching. And with the lynx’s reflex to turn his chair to look at who surprised him, she could see his own large, furry paw coated in his seed. They both stared at each other with the same deer-in-headlights expression, before the fennec awkwardly apologized, closed the door a tad too hard and scurried to the living room. TJ could hear the television being turned on.

 

The lynx swallowed and felt the tears welling in his eyes, as if he had been caught doing something wrong when he had been a kid. He quickly closed his browser and shut off his computer, then wiped his paw and his member as best as he could, tossing the used tissues in the small plastic trash can by his desk.

 

He felt the warm tears rolling down his cheeks. Deep down, he knew he wasn’t doing anything awful. But the problem was he knew Jenna saw the kind of video he had been pleasing himself to. She was smart enough to figure there was only one gila they knew. His secret was out.

 

He picked his usual ‘stay at home’ clothes: Plain cotton pants and a t-shirt, and a towel. Wiping his tears on it, he opened the bedroom door and hurried to the bathroom, in order to take a shower.

 

It was only then, in the shower, when he cried. If Flynn had been weirded out by his boner at the airport, just what would he do if he found out?

 

After wiping his snot off and washing himself, TJ began to calm down. Jenna was not a gossip and she would not tell Flynn - or anyone - about that if he didn’t want her to. He was sure about that. Maybe it wouldn’t amount to much more than an awkward walk-in.

 

Yeah, that wouldn’t be so bad. After all, so far, things more or less had been working themselves out, despite the near-literal hell that 2015 all the way to early 2017 had been.

 

He dabbed himself dry and hung his towel on its silver plastic support, getting dressed and opening the door… and almost running into Jenna.

 

Before he could do or say anything, the fennec beat him to it:

 

“Look, TJ, uh, sorry I walked in on you. I thought you were asleep at first or had left to go shop for groceries… I… uh… I’m sorry. Yeah.”

 

She couldn’t keep much eye contact with him and TJ could tell she was embarrassed about the situation. Looking down, he opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking for something to say.

 

“It’s… it’s fine! It’s fine. I should have… closed the door…” TJ’s voice sounded fake as hell, even to his ears. And he briefly frowned at it. “Let’s just… pretend nothing happened, alright?”

 

“Fine.” Jenna forced a smile. “I, uh, need to use the bathroom.”

 

TJ blinked. “Oh, sure, sure!”

 

The lynx moved out of the way and Jenna got in. In the meantime, he went to the living room and sat on the futon.

 

About twenty minutes later, the vixen came back, wearing the same black shirt she had been wearing, but with more comfortable shorts. She sat down on the futon and picked her phone. TJ tried to focus on the drama movie that she had put on, but he could not ignore the heavy atmosphere in the living room. He looked at the clock… two hours and a few minutes until Flynn showed up.

 

It seemed the silence would last forever, until Jenna put her phone down and let out a low whistle. “So,” she started, “don’t be embarrassed… it’s just yet another of my friends who turns out to like guys…" She let out a forced chuckle, trying to make light of the subject.

 

TJ forced a snicker of his own. “Yeah…” despite his snickering, he could not force a smile, his ears hanging low.

 

“No, really… I’m sorry. But you shouldn’t beat yourself over my own mistake.” Jenna now looked concerned.

 

“It’s fine.” TJ continued looking down at the carpet.

 

“If you say so…” she was still cautious, but switched her attention back to the TV.

 

The silence lasted only about ten minutes. TJ knew Jenna wanted to talk about it, and he suspected why. And, as soon as commercials rolled in, she proved him right:

 

“So… a gila, huh?”

 

With a sigh, the lynx turned to face his friend. “Yeah… don’t tell him, please.”

 

“I won’t, don’t worry, TJ. But, ah, since when…?”

 

TJ shook his head. “I… it kind of started when he was driving me to the airport. I knew I’d miss him. But… I guess things really got clear while I was with my parents. I can’t explain very well… but it was around that time…”

 

Jenna nodded. “So… do you plan to do anything about it?”

 

Licking his lips and rubbing one of his arms, Tobias stalled for time. He eventually scoffed weakly. “Do what, Jenna? When I came back from my trip, we hugged and… well… let’s say my body was…” he felt himself blushing, “ _very_ happy to see him. I think he noticed, because… did you notice he has been kinda aloof lately?”

 

The fennec bit her cheek briefly. “Yeah, I did notice.”

 

“So, yeah… forget it. It’ll pass.” TJ finished and looked down at the space between them on the futon.

 

“Maybe…” Jenna looked at the television, but not really watched it. If TJ looked at her, he would be able to tell she had been thinking.

 

“However, what if you’re wrong and you're missing your chance?” She turned back to him, one eyebrow raised.

 

“I don’t know, Jenna… I’m not even sure what kind of things he does like. I mean, what if he… what if he likes… if he…” TJ’s ears flushed and he felt as if they were on fire, but since the cat was out of the bag, he had better just go on with it - maybe Jenna would be able to help. “What if he wants to top?”

 

“Oh.” Jenna answered, then it dawned on her. “Oh? Oh, well… uhm,” she cleared her throat, “what do you know about the subject?” He looked up and could tell the vixen did her best to not look embarrassed. She had been likely trying to phrase it in a way that would not intimidate him.

 

Jenna was a good friend.

 

“Well…” TJ sucked in a breath, “I know I should, uhm, ‘practice’... if you know what I mean…” He sunk his face into his soft paws. “Oh, this is so darn embarrassing!”

 

“You shouldn’t feel embarrassed, TJ,” Jenna told him in her best ‘shrink’ voice. The kind of clinical, neutral, vaguely motherly tone she used when dealing with patients, “if you want, ah, well, I could help you with any questions you may have.”

 

“Uh, well, I was sorta of… thinking…” TJ answered. To be honest with himself, he had always wondered, ever since he was sixteen, how did it feel to bottom. He had experienced then with a finger, but not only it felt awkward, it was a disaster thanks to him not knowing how to clean himself. That experience had put him off of it - and the thought out of his mind - until recently.

 

By now, he knew what to do. But he could not help but feel embarrassed about it. He had wanted to keep those matters private, even from Jenna.

 

Then again, any chance of that had been completely thrown out of the window the moment Jenna walked in on him.

 

“Well, I was thinking I should go to one of those places where they sell this kind of stuff and, uh, get something to help me, maybe?” His voice was barely above a whisper and he hurried up with his speech. But he knew Jenna heard it all. His ears lowered again and he looked at her with apprehension.

 

“Hmm…” She rubbed her chin in thought. “If you want, I could go with you. Think of it as… a supportive friend encouraging you.” She smiled. TJ smiled in return, his ears perking up, despite still blushing.

 

“Really? Oh, thank you!” He hugged Jenna. It had been unexpected and she yelped, before returning the gesture.

 

“So, uh, tomorrow afternoon? I kinda would like to go before I lose the nerve.” He avoided her gaze again.

 

“Okay by me.”

 

The rest of their day went by fast, and TJ felt anxious, but in a positive way.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

And so it was, that by three in the afternoon of that week’s rainy Saturday, Flynn was out and, thus, Jenna and TJ did not need any excuse as to where they would disappear to for the afternoon.

 

TJ felt anxious. He also wondered if the outfit Jenna picked for him would do its job in making him anonymous or she had done that just to make him feel better. It was a little warm for hoodies and he did not like wearing sunglasses. Still, it could work, should someone that knew him give him a brief glance.

 

He still felt a little embarrassed over getting Jenna to come with him, even if she had offered herself. But it would be terrible if he had been recognized by someone else while out shopping for a small dildo and a douche.

 

The thought itself made his body feel oddly conflicted: While he would feel his ears and face flushing, his member would twitch in its sheath.

 

Eventually, they parked in front of what was called a ‘Gift Shop.’ A creative way to name a sex shop. TJ reached for his cross necklace by reflex and was pleased to attest that, yes, he had left it home. He did not like the idea of entering that kind of place with that on. Not only due the fact it would feel wrong, it could also draw attention.

 

They got into the shop, and TJ noticed how clean, neat and organized it was. He just got a brief glance from the bored clerk. She was slightly overweight cow and wore glasses, her headfur worn over one of her eyes and dyed green, contrasting with her mottled coat. If TJ had to address her appearance, he would have to admit she was ugly.

 

He quickly shuffled through the aisles, his heart beating fast and admitting he was getting weirded out with what he had been seeing every time he looked somewhere. He briefly glanced at Jenna by his side and could tell that, while she schooled her features in a neutral expression, the fennec was also somewhat surprised by the variety of items the store had.

 

Eventually, they found just what he came for: A reusable douche that could easily fit a small bag for travel under a few clothes - it looked curiously like a balloon with a smooth, cylindrical metal tube to him. And, in the next aisle near the end, a smooth five inch long dildo. The base had a large suction cup and, as TJ discovered when reading the back of the box, controlling himself to not let his embarrassment clear to everyone, it was meant so he could stick it to a wall or the floor. _Huh._

 

The lynx noticed other things that he couldn’t even tell what they were for, and Jenna entertained him with explanations. One of them was a ‘salt lick dick.’ The fennec explained that most caprines back in pre-history had a diet poor in minerals, so they made up for it by licking salt and mineral-rich rocks. It would explain the cartoonishingly-drawn goat blowing it on the top-right corner of its box. TJ found that kind of mascot thing tasteless, but did chuckle at the thought of how silly that ‘suck-salt’ was.

 

As he was about to make his way to the register with Jenna, a larger customer approached the very salt lick he had been seeing and he had accidentally bumped onto the customer’s soft chest. He would have fallen back, had Jenna not hold him and he dropped his items. The larger man apologized and TJ instantly recognized his voice, his eyes wide open as the older male leaned down to grab what he had dropped, but stopped and now stared at him.

 

 _‘No, no, no no! Not him! Not now!’_ TJ thought.

 

With his hand halfway to the douche he had been intending to buy, wearing just a soccer t-shirt with ‘CCCP’ emblazoned on it and large black cargo pants, Luiz - the fat tegu - stared at him with a surprised expression. Tobias wanted to run away from the store, but he steeled himself. Maybe he hadn’t recognized him. After all, TJ wasn’t used to see the fat lizard in casual clothes either.

 

“Hehehe, hey! Aren’t ya that church boy that comes to the mall every other day and hang out with Flynn?” Luiz grinned. “Hahaha! How are ya TJ? Small world, eh, _amigo_?”

 

 _Oh. Great._ TJ briefly looked over the other shelves. 

 

 _No other customers, thank God._ The last thing he wanted, was to have the tegu attract other people’s attention to them.

 

Awkwardly, he picked the two packages the tegu retrieved for him. “Uh, hello, Luiz…”

 

Jenna forced a smile and a nod. “Yes, small world indeed.”

 

“Aw, come, come, come… don’t be shy, guys! Uncle Luiz shall keep your secret!” He grinned broadly at them.

 

 _‘Well,’_ TJ thought to himself, _‘there is no way this could get more awkward.’_

 

“Lulu, honey!” Another male voice came, from the back of the store where the changing booths were located. TJ and Jenna turned to face the approaching man.

 

“They finally have a leather collar that can fit the gold letters I had made- Oh… Uh…”

 

And there, with his long headfur shining under the lights and over his shoulders, wearing a white crop-top with ‘G.O.A.T. - Greatest Of All Time’ written across its chest, the same kind of shorts Jenna seemed to enjoy wearing - only his did highlight his bulge very well - and a leather collar with bold, golden letters forming the word ‘DOE’, stood Richard Maitland.

 

At least, now, TJ knew why he put up with the tegu’s antics at work.

 

Speaking of which, Luiz laughed again. “Hoo boy, this is gettin’ more and more awkward…”

 

He had that right.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

And one hour later, the four of them found themselves inside a fast food joint nearby. The saturday rain grew heavier and, after a brief chat with the two older males, TJ and Jenna learned a lot about them. And the lynx figured they were actually more sensitive about his kind of insecurities than he had previously thought: The large tegu was understanding and spoke in a low voice, while the goat was much more warm and understanding than he had seen him at work.

 

If anything, Tobias was impressed by how different Richard looked. With his long brown headfur untied, he looked like a especially tall woman when his back was turned to TJ.

 

“So,” the tegu started once the waitress brought in their orders. TJ and Richard decided to stick with the salads. Jenna asked for a fish burger, and Luiz had the waitress come back three more times - he had requested five of the largest combo meals, soda and fries included - the lizard did not wait for either the lynx or the goat to finish saying grace before taking a bite of his Hungryman Triple Burger. He chewed a little, but continued speaking once the two smaller males finished praying: “I take you wanna… practice, yes? Wise decision to go small at first. Even if mammals are more stretchy than reptiles, I pity those that begin with a donkey-sized club.” He chuckled at his comment. Jenna and Richard just smiled, but TJ took a sip of his soda, eyes on the older male.

 

While it looked like Luiz was about to continue speaking, Richard beat him to it: “It’s about Flynn, isn’t it?” The goat raised one eyebrow. TJ blushed and one brief glance at Jenna told him the vixen was surprised. “Before you ask me how I know, let’s just say that I’m old enough to be your father, and have enough experience.”

 

“How old are you?” Jenna tried to stall for time. TJ silently thanked her.

 

“You shouldn’t ask other people that kind of thing,” Richard replied in mock-anger, pretending to be offended. “I’m forty-three years old. Luiz here is forty-eight, before you ask.” He smiled.

 

“Hm,” Luiz swallowed the last bit of his first burger and was halfway through the fries. “I noticed you aren’t wearing that little golden cross… somethin’ wrong?” He raised one of his scaly brows. TJ took a deep breath and sighed, slumping a little.

 

“I, uh, don’t feel right… using a holy symbol when dealing with, uh, this kind of thing.” He gestured to the black bags their purchases were in. The lizard let out a low scoff, while Richard glared at his husband, then nodded understandingly at TJ.

 

Instantly, the lynx realized Luiz did not appear to appreciate religion - at least Christianity - while Richard was clearly a Christian. He had been the first to say his grace before they ate, much to TJ’s surprise. If TJ had his eyes open then, he would have noticed the tegu rolling his eyes.

 

“But, yeah, I won’t press ya about this crush, kiddo,” Luiz continued, “however, if ya need any advice or help from experienced guys who have been together for…” the tegu frowned “twenty-two years?”

 

Richard had been chewing on some lettuce and spoke between his dull caprine teeth. “Twenty-four, Luiz. Twenty-four.”

 

The tegu looked at his husband. “Do you count the years your father didn’t know? Oh, alright. Twenty-four,” he looked back at TJ and Jenna, “as I was saying, we would be glad to help you.”

 

The lynx considered his options. They were friendly enough, even if they were strangers to him. He tried to weight his options, before realizing that it would be his best bet to, at least, make them keep it secret.

 

“Fine… but can you promise to keep it secret?”

 

“We won’t betray your trust, I _swear it_ , darling.” Richard promptly retorted. He seemed trustworthy.

 

Luiz shrugged. “Not fond of gossip... nor of makin’ enemies. Won’t tell to anyone.”

 

TJ took a deep breath and exhaled. “So, uh, alright… my problem is… how do I go with it?”

 

“How do you mean?” The tegu spoke between another mouthful of burgers.

 

Licking his lips, the lynx thought briefly, trying to rephrase his question.

 

“I mean, uh, for starters… how do I know I like someone? As in _like_ like?”

 

“That’s a very good question!” Richard answered. “Each person will have a different answer for that. I suppose the best bet would be to stick with my own example with Luiz… and what science says.”

 

Briefly looking at Jenna, TJ could notice her expression of approval. While she was still halfway through her fish burger, Luiz was already done with three of his combos and did not seem to be slowing down. Richard appeared to be about to start, only for tegu to speak:

 

“Now, there is a difference between being _smitten with_ someone and _loving_ someone. One is sorta of involuntary. The other, believe it or not, is an action. Something you choose to do,” Luiz interjected, “bear that in mind.”

 

The goat nodded and cleared his throat. “Well, let’s start… you probably have been involuntarily thinking, staring at them… they make you feel like you’re high sometimes. The latter is because your brain releases larger amounts of dopamine. You also tend to feel more stressed - it is because infatuation _also_ releases cortisol. Nevertheless, you find yourself getting happier than usual sometimes. It can be a real emotional rollercoaster if you are depressed…” 

 

Richard snuck a glance at Luiz. TJ’s ears perked up: The tegu did not really look depressed, but the lynx knew from his own experience that the lizard could be putting on an act and pretending he was happy.

 

He looked at Richard and, upon noticing the caprine’s honey-brown eyes with their rectangular pupils staring at him, TJ realized the goat knew what he had been thinking. The lynx blinked and looked down at his salad, eating a few forkfuls almost mechanically, until he heard the goat’s voice continuing:

 

“You try new things, that you never thought you would…”

 

Now all four of them laughed. Yeah, that part had been pretty clear. Richard adjusted his glasses and continued saying what he knew:

 

“You get sweatier and a little nauseous at first, due the stress and anxiety - until you grow comfortable with them. But you also start being okay with the minor, harmless gross or weird things they do. Know, for example, a germaphobe might be alright with a guy who picks his nose. Or someone who prefers to use more virtuous language being fine with someone that swears like a sailor.” 

 

Once again, Richard glanced at Luiz. TJ chuckled as the tegu was seemingly oblivious, focusing on his last burger.

 

“And last, but not least, you find yourself liking their little quirks. Know, the little things that make them be themselves. Some mannerism or language quirk they have, etcetera. According to science, this is what happens when you’re smitten with someone.” The goat smirked as he finished.

 

“Well, uhm… it’s… it’s certainly accurate… most of the time…” TJ felt at a loss.

 

“Of course,” Luiz interceded, “the ‘loving’ part is easy when everything is just fine and dandy. True love, like we said before, is an action. You don’t ‘fight’ someone. You don’t keep score. You may have disagreements, yes - we all do. But a relationship, a _love_ relationship, is not a business transaction. Think of it as two soldiers helping each other through thick and thin. You don’t have a white knight to carry you in his white charger, but instead, someone that will help you lean on and will face your obstacles… together. Someone who will take you in, know, _all_ of ya. All that is good, the bad, and the ugly. All the weirdness and all the other things and… they still choose to take it all on. And that is okay. Suddenly you’re not facing the world all alone anymore.”

 

The four of them fell in silence. Eventually, they were done with their meals. Jenna briefly showed her concern about just staying there without consuming - as some places could argue they were taking space. But her concern was quickly brushed aside by Richard, as he handed the tegu one hundred dollars and told him to ‘knock himself out’. Luiz left and came back a little after with more food… for himself.

 

“I have another problem,” TJ suddenly said, “I’m a Christian, and, uh, while I don’t have anything against people who do it, it is usually frowned upon to have a premarital relationship…”

 

“Do you mean sex?” Luiz asked, between mouthfuls of ‘burger.

 

“Uh, that too. But, I mean, even a little dating was…” TJ trailed off. Deep down, he knew it had to do more with his anxiety than his faith.

 

“Feh, I don’t let superstition get in the way of what I know is good for myself. I believe in living doing as you please, as long as it causes no harm to others or yourself,” the tegu retorted. TJ rubbed his arms, his ears low at Luiz calling his faith a ‘superstition,’ he was going to let it slide, until the tegu completed his logic: “While my husband does his christian thing, I am happy that he does not assimilate all this cult’s bullshit.”

 

TJ’s memories flashed to that day in the party, when Chase had mocked his faith and called it a cult. He felt his blood starting to boil.

 

Before he could say anything, Jenna beat him to it: “Look, I may not be a fan of religion either, but you shouldn’t disrespect other people’s beliefs.” The fennec scowled at him, and the tegu glared back at her. Now TJ felt a little intimidated. He knew Flynn usually avoided fights, but he had no idea what the older lizard would do. He certainly had scars all over his arms to prove he might not be like the gila.

 

Richard cleared his throat, drawing their attention to him. “I’m sorry about my husband. He… he didn’t have a very good experience with our religion.”

 

“Understatement of the fucking century,” mumbled the tegu, his fists clenched over the table.

 

“Still…” Jenna now looked more cautious, but Richard raised his hand to cut her off.

 

“Please, just understand. He… maybe he was right when he said it was an understatement.”

 

“I understand,” the fennec nodded, “the problem is that one mistake-”

 

Luiz now cut her off. “Well, ‘one mistake does not justify another’, ‘two wrongs can’t make it right’. Blah blah blah. Well, fine, maybe I fucked up.”

 

Despite what he had been saying, TJ was somewhat put off by how calm he had been about it. The tegu’s tone was firm, deep, but never raising his voice, even if it was clear he had been frustrated.

 

“However, while you,” he pointed at TJ, “and Richard,” he pointed at his husband with his thumb, “might’ve had a nice experience in your little churches, lemme tell ya about mine. I mean, why not?”

 

“I was born in nineteen-seventy, during the height of the military dictatorship in my country. My father was a gendarmerie _Polícia Militar_ officer and a pastor during the weekends. My mother was a maid. I was the single child and we each went to our nice little church every Friday and Sunday like good christians.”

 

“It was all somewhat dandy at first. I had a dad who killed people for a living and it was fine, since just by praising the Lord, he would be forgiven. I wasn’t really much into all that shit, but hey, I better go to the church or I’d get a beating with a nightstick! But since I was a well-behaved kid, my early life was relatively fine.”

 

“Then I hit the puberty. All my childhood, I never really liked girls. But once I was eleven, it was clear I was homosexual. Know, South America is not exactly the most open-minded place in the world, despite what our countries’ tourism agencies might tell ya. My father was furious when the principal called him to school because I had been caught being a ‘degenerate’ with another boy my age.”

 

“I got a beating so hard that it broke part of my tail. You can see it’s a little crooked to this day. Here.”

 

The tegu lifted his tail and, while not easy to spot at first glance, it was clear he had broken it near the middle at some point.

 

“This,” he showed some sloppy, older scars on his forearms. TJ was not a doctor, but he knew enough to figure they were made by contusion. “was from my father hitting me with his belt. Makin' sure to let the heavy buckle strike my scales, of course.”

 

“I didn’t want to be gay, TJ. I hated it. I tried - I really tried - to pray it away like my father told me to. But it was no use… then they tried to beat the gay away. By the time I was thirteen, I spent more time out working as a baker’s assistant to help support our family, than at home. Because if I were home, my father would prod my own damn business until I blew off and he could beat me again.”

 

Luiz leaned back on the chair he sat on and sighed. “In nineteen-eighty-seven, during Christmas, I came home from work. Father wanted me to go to the church. I was tired, I was sick. So I told him I’d rather pray home. We argued, he beat the ever-living shit out of me and when I was on the floor, he put his foot on my chest and said ‘this is your Christmas gift, you _maricas_.’ So that was what I got that Christmas.”

 

TJ now looked down at his empty salad container, ears hanging low. He felt his eyes starting to well with tears. One brief look at Jenna and he could tell she was horrified with the story, despite doing her best to school her features into a neutral expression. Richard seemed somber, fingers interlocked and hiding his mouth behind his paws. Luiz’s eyes also were welling with tears, but he did not cry. He could also notice the tegu’s seething expression of contempt.

 

“When he got home later that day, we argued again. It was the usual bullshit about how I was a disappointment and all the other fatherly things he’s said all through the years. He fetched his stick and tried to hit me, but - despite being wounded - I was younger, faster. I hit him with a lamp, then started beating him with his own baton. My mother _only then_ tried to interfere… to help my father. She saw me being beaten like a fuckin' criminal and just stood there like a god-damn zombie. But once I raised my hand against my father, _then_ she screeched like a fucking harpy and tried to hold me. I punched her in the mouth, went to my room, got my stuff, then left home. Under my father’s shouts of how god would punish me. Heh.”

 

“I knew a guy named José, he was the kid I had been caught with. He… he did some illegal stuff, but he offered me a place to stay and I accepted. I… I loved him. Sadly, his life choices eventually got killed… I did some things I regret doing… kept doing so even after I left my country… and eventually winded up in the US. So here I am.” The tegu now looked at both Jenna and TJ.

 

Despite having teared up while telling about his fundamentalist parents, the middle-aged lizard gave both TJ and Jenna a very intense, piercing gaze. The fennec had her ears low.

 

“Heh, most kids fear some kind of monster. Sane ones fear the boogeyman, indoctrinated ones fear the devil. But my monster wasn’t named ‘boogeyman’, it wasn’t the devil. My monster was named ‘daddy.’”

 

They were silent again. The tegu slurped his soda, then smacked his lips. “So, I am sorry if I hurt your little _fewings_ by saying I’m not really fond of letting religion dictate my behavior, but I hate to see other people putting themselves through unnecessary suffering because of it. I really do not want to demean you, but this _is_ a sensitive topic for me. Now. I know not all of ya are bad… but there’s things I can’t bring myself to do. And one of them is exactly this. I’m not tellin’ ya to be an atheist, TJ. I just want you to use your common sense.”

 

“No, no… it’s alright,” TJ swallowed, then looked up at Luiz. “I’m sorry you went through all of that.”

 

Jenna was still silent. TJ knew she didn’t have good parents either. Maybe she had empathized with him.

 

“This shouldn’t happen to anyone…” She finally said. It was clear the fennec was still assimilating all they had been told, and in deep thinking about it.

 

The tegu shrugged again. “But it did… I presume I’m one of the few lucky ones who escaped. Once in a while ya hear about a kid beaten to death by a homophobic or fundamentalist parent. If there’s something that galls me to no end, it’s religious zealots and abusive parents.”

 

Jenna’s ears perked up at that. “You and me both.” She gave him a sad smile. He returned it.

 

Richard tapped the joints of his fingers in front of TJ to draw the lynx’s attention.

 

“While we may not… blame the entire faith for such horrible acts… my husband does indeed have a point: You shouldn’t use it as reason to deny your wishes. If they cause no harm to anyone, are they really a sin?”

 

“I don’t know…” TJ rubbed his left arm, ears still hanging low. Deep down, it was more than religion - it was insecurity. He did not want to take a risk and be rejected.

 

“Look, Tobias,” Richard spoke in a soft voice, “I’ll tell you the truth: You can give it a try and be disappointed if it doesn’t work out, or don’t and lament you never did. In my experience, I have learned one thing, and one thing only.”

 

The goat straightened himself on his chair and adjusted his glasses. Now TJ was seeing, despite the feminine headfur and outfit, the ‘Mr. Maitland’ he met at the mall.

 

“If you take a risk, sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. But, _darling_ , if you don’t take a risk, _nothing_ happens!”

 

With his ears perking up, TJ gave Richard a shy smile. “Thanks, Richard.”

 

He then looked over to Luiz and Jenna, who seemed to be exchanging social media information. “And thank you too, Luiz. You really helped me.”

 

The tegu looked at him with one brow raised, then smiled and nodded. _“De nada, amigo._ I actually like to help.”

 

Richard looked outside. “Hey, the rain stopped. Shall we take our leave?”

 

They agreed and went to pay the bill. The goat insisted in footing it all by himself and, after Luiz seemed to be losing his patience, they relented. As they were leaving, TJ received a text message from Flynn:

 

_“I’m home. Where are you guys?”_

 

He showed it to Jenna and looked at the sex shop bags they were carrying.

 

“You guys could go to the grocery store, buy some noodles, chicken, veggies and - maybe - some ‘shrooms and say ya wanna eat chinese.” Luiz suggested. The tall lizard could easily look from over their shoulders.

 

“Huh, that’s a nice idea. Thanks again.”

 

“Doin’ my job. Now… seeya _amigos_. If you need, don’t hesitate to message me on muzzlebook.”

 

“Will do. You’re a nice guy, after all.” Jenna smirked. The tegu chuckled and shook his head. They waved at the couple as they crossed the street for what was clearly Richard’s car: it appeared to be a black ‘65 Jaguar S-Type. The goat definitely had money.

 

“Puts my Volvo to shame, huh?” TJ looked at Jenna. She had noticed him staring. He gave her an embarrassed smile.

 

“Well, I’m pretty sure your car can do more mileage per gallon…” They entered and proceeded to drive to the nearest grocery store they could find, to try and buy something for dinner. Then again, TJ figured it could actually do well in dropping a hint and seeing how Flynn would react. With the encouragement from that encounter, Tobias felt like he could do anything.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

All the effort to disguise what they had done had been in vain. As soon as they arrived, TJ received a message from Flynn. The lynx read and visibly deflated:

 

_“Won’t be home ‘till late. Hanging out with boss. Sorry.”_

 

His disappointment was pretty clear, considering the worried look he got from Jenna. He forced his ears up and smiled.

 

“Well, it turns out Flynn will be out until late today.”

 

The fennec hummed. “Well, I suppose we at least have groceries for tomorrow…”

 

“Yeah.” The lynx smiled, but felt his stomach twisting. Nothing more was said between them, and TJ turned on the television, switching channels until he landed on some eighties sitcom about four old women living together.

 

It was an episode he recalled from his childhood, watching it with his parents. The taller, ‘uglier’ of the characters - a giraffe - was singing. Her voice had the characteristic tone expected from an old lady, but it was also deep and sad. Which made the lyrics of the short song she performed strike him even harder.

 

_“What’ll I do, when you are far away… and I’m so blue… what’ll I do…_

_What’ll I do, when I am wondering… who’s kissing you… what’ll I do…_

_What’ll I do, with just a photograph…? To tell my troubles to._

_When I’m alone… with only dreams of you… that won’t come true,_

_What’ll I do?”_

 

TJ sucked in a trembling breath and it took all his years of practice at faking joy to not cry then and there. He had planned to test waters that night, but now, only one question remained in his thoughts:

 

_‘Did I just miss my chance?’_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have personally met people with parents like Luiz's - one can say I write what I know, for good and bad...
> 
> The series and song I made a reference to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxJsl4e0Xmg


	17. Close, yet so Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saturday came and Flynn is going to get the favor he asked from his boss. Everything's going to be fine... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, I cannot go without expressing my gratitude to Garus for picking my mistakes and helping make this chapter flow better. :3

**Close, yet so Far**

 

Flynn felt mentally exhausted that Saturday, with his thoughts going everywhere at once.

 

After leaving the apartment for work, he had received a text from Carl, asking if he wanted to hang out. Had it been about anyone else - except for one or two people - he would have said he was busy. But one of those one or two people included Carl, and he had no heart to say ‘no’ to the ram.

 

He figured that they could chat during his job, now Mr. Maitland seemed to be oddly lenient towards him, and then he could get ready in the lockers after closing and leave with his boss for that place he had mentioned to be ‘somewhere south of Denver’.

 

When he had asked the tegu back on Friday for an specific kind of person, he thought his boss would laugh at him. Fortunately, Luiz just smirked and answered with his usual “I’ll see what I can do,” then giving Flynn an obscene flick of his long, forked tongue. The tegu had always done that when talking or thinking about something lewd.

 

Immediately after that, Luiz set to work on his phone, but the younger lizard had no idea who he had been contacting. Flynn figured he wouldn’t ask his boss about it.

 

Now he found himself outside, leaning against the wall. It was raining, but they were under the large cover protecting the parking lot access to the mall. While they were used to just enjoy each other’s company in silence, Flynn could tell Carl had been fidgeting with his phone a lot. He knew his friend was trying to think of something to say and, deep down, the gila dreaded the notion of having to talk about how he had been feeling to anyone.

 

“So… what’s going on, dude? You’ve been a little spaced out lately,” Carl said.

 

Flynn grunted. He did not want to talk about it. Carl had been bothering him about what was wrong for almost two months by now. Still, he figured no hangouts with his friend would be enjoyable if he doesn’t get this out of the way.

 

“It’s just, I’ve met someone.”

 

“Oh? Oh, alright, Flynn!” The ram grinned, smacking his shoulder, “Do I know ‘em? Where did you meet him? It’s not your boss, is it?” He chuckled. The gila groaned, smacking the back of Carl’s legs with his tail.

 

The ram yelped and almost fell, but managed to hold himself on the nearby trash can, grinning again. Flynn rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, happy now?”

 

His younger friend just smiled. “Well, I’m happy for you, dude! But, really, who’s it? Where did you meet that guy?” He grinned again. “Or is it a girl? Have you been straight all this time?”

 

“Yes, Carl.” Flynn scoffed, but his lips betrayed the hint of a smirk. In a way, this felt like the old times, when Carl tried to lift his spirits by joking. “I’ve been letting guys fuck me in the ass all these years _just_ to play a prank on ya.”

 

“Aw, won’t you even give me a hint as to who it is? I promise to keep quiet.” _Wait, the ram was serious? Fuck._

 

“It’s… complicated. I mean, I like the guy, but I don’t have any fuckin' clue if he’s into other guys. Or if he wouldn’t turn me down.” The gila looked away, his gaze distant.

 

Carl’s smile briefly dropped, and returned - a little more cautious. Now he had been genuinely trying to cheer Flynn up. “Oh, lemme guess: It’s TJ!” He chuckled.

 

Flynn felt his heart sink and he snapped his stare at the ram, his expression showing his surprise. A shiver coursed through his body and Carl stopped laughing.

 

“Aw, shit, dude… it really is TJ, isn’t it?” Now Carl looked genuinely concerned.

 

“Fuck…” was all that Flynn could answer. The gila walked to the nearest bench and sat down, burying his face on his large hands.

 

He could hear the clopping of his friend’s hooves as he approached and sat by his side. “Look, uh, sorry man. I didn’t mean to make fun of ya like that…”

 

The older male leaned back and sighed, looking up at the corroding zinc cover over their heads. “It’s okay.” 

 

It really wasn’t. It was not the jesting from his friend that bothered him, but the fact it made the gila realize just how hopeless he was. He felt utterly ridiculous.

 

“So… what you’re gonna do ‘bout it?” Carl asked.

 

Flynn sighed. “No fucking idea. Probably nothing.”

 

“Aw, come on, man! I thought ya could, I dunno, at least drop a few hints here and there…”

 

“I don’t even know if he swings that way, Carl! Shut the fuck up, alright?” The gila raised his voice in annoyance, scowling at his friend. The ram lowered his gaze, visibly hurt, and Flynn immediately regretted his little outburst: Carl only wanted to help him.

 

The gila sighed again. “Look, Carl, I appreciate you tryin’ to help me, but just… let it be.”

 

The younger male nodded weakly. “Alright… I just think you should go for it, dude. The worst it can happen is if you hear ‘no.’”

 

“No. The worst that could happen is make things so fucked up between us that he won’t want to see me again.” Flynn responded.

 

“I… I hadn’t thought of that…”

 

Reaching his hand to pat Carl’s back, Flynn gave him a sad smile. “Listen, Carl, I know ya wanna help. But, let’s be fuckin' real here… what experience do you have with this kind of shit?”

 

The ram shrugged. “Well, in the dating sims I’ve played...”

 

“Carl, you know that shit doesn’t apply to real life.” Flynn furrowed his brow. The ram blinked.

 

“Oh. Well, none then.” Carl gave him an apologetic shrug.

 

“Yeah. Neither do I. I’m used to people who would fuck after just a few minutes of talk-”

 

Now Carl looked at his friend with surprise. “You just wanna fuck Teej?”

 

 _‘No,’_ he thought, “It’s… complicated, Carl. Let’s just drop the fuckin' subject, alright?”

 

True enough, Flynn could not tell what he wanted with TJ. It wasn’t exactly just a good fuck. He just… really wanted to _be_ with him. To hold him closer. It was physical and emotional attraction, in a way he had never experienced before. Maybe it was just because he’s never had someone like Toby fuck him before.

 

“Just… don’t tell that to anyone, alright?”

 

Carl nodded. “Alright. I hope things work out for ya, dude.” 

 

“Thanks…”

 

They spent the rest of their hangout in silence, until Carl had to leave. Flynn considered the ram’s question about what could be the worst that could happen, then scoffed.

 

 _‘Just focus on tonight, Flynn. Then all this shit be back to normal,’_ he thought.

 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

After going home to find neither TJ or Jenna were there, Flynn just took a shower and cleaned himself thoroughly, got decked in his finest, and drove back to the mall’s parking lot, where Luiz would be waiting. As soon as he arrived, he quickly sent a text to TJ:

 

_“Won’t be home ‘till late. Hanging out with boss. Sorry.”_

 

Flynn send the message and sighed in relief. Now no one would feel bad worrying about his whereabouts and he could clear his head to focus on what would happen.

 

The place Luiz was going to take him to, the Sweatshop, appeared to be something like the old Smoke Room. The gila chuckled at how his life was full of similarities. He briefly wondered if any minorities ran the place for a pittance as well.

 

His thoughts were interrupted when the older lizard knocked on his truck’s passenger door and opened it, letting himself in. Luiz wore a brown long coat that went all the way to his ankles. Flynn could only wonder if he was naked beneath that coat.

 

 _“Vamos!_ I wanna get there before the cute guys leave!” The tegu spoke and Flynn turned on the ignition. His heart beat fast and he hadn’t been that nervous since before his first time in the Smoke Room.

 

It took them almost two full hours. Luiz instructed him where to turn and, for a moment, Flynn worried. The route took them through small, unmarked side-roads through the mountains south of Denver, their only source of lights coming from Flynn’s truck. The last vehicle they passed by was clearly abandoned and Flynn now felt nervous for an entirely different reason.

 

Eventually, the gila saw his fears were unfounded when they arrived at what looked like two massive barn houses, linked by a small building. It looked like an old, abandoned farm, but quite a few vehicles were parked about behind the old wooden fences. Flynn slowed down and could see a couple of people going about the parking lot, wearing suit and ties. The bouncers, he knew.

 

“Park anywhere that won’t get in the way and follow me,” his boss instructed. Flynn obeyed and soon found a decent spot, closer to the barn on the right side of the connecting house. One of the bouncers, a bison, started walking towards them. He slowed down and smiled once he saw Luiz getting out of the vehicle, greeting him with a nod. Luiz responded in kind.

 

 _“Vamos_. Inside. I hope they still serve that shrimp cocktail at the bar.” 

 

 _‘Now, that’s some fancy shit the Smoke Room never had,’_ Flynn thought to himself. Judging by the cars, the size of the place, and how nice the bouncers looked, this place was much higher-class than the good old Smoke Room. Likely, a place for the richier married folks in the closet to go get their itch scratched while in comfort and secrecy, judging by how hidden it was.

 

He followed Luiz into the middle building, linking both sides. He faced a small counter and plexiglass window with a rather young female dolphin smiling at them. She asked for their coats and, while Flynn removed his dull gray jacket, his boss opened his long coat and revealed his outfit: A leather harness crossing over his chest and leather assless chaps. He then handed four one hundred dollar bills to the young woman.

 

The dolphin lady seemed to not mind the tegu’s choice in attire at all. Flynn looked to his right and saw a door with a large, female bouncer - a hippo - leaning against the wall right next to it. They had a door to their left with a moose standing guard. Both doors read the same: “Assembly Line.”

 

“Right side is for the chicks,” Luiz explained. “Let’s go, Flynn. ‘Sup, Bruce.” He nodded at the bouncer, who smiled and shook his paw, then greeted the gila with a short nod. In they went.

 

That this place would be better-organized than the Smoke Room, Flynn had already figured. But he couldn’t help but look around at what had been done inside the spacious barnyard buildings. The floor was spotless and the tables evenly spaced to allow free movement. There was a runway and stage for strippers, pole dancers and other kinds of shows. Some of the tables by the corners had a small stage with a pole on them as well. By the left of the stage, an older couple of males disappeared into a door labelled “Lower Management.” To the right, a large, well-stocked bar with pink and baby blue neon lights shining over it and reflecting on the large, polished, dark counter. A bored donkey wiped the counter and the gila could see all he wore were a bowtie and a black jockstrap, highlighting his bulge.

 

There weren’t many people around. A blue jay wearing a similar setup to the bartender went from table to table serving drinks to the few other patrons. A table by the corner had its small stage taken by a surprisingly nimble chubby - but not really unattractive - pony wearing a ‘sexy cowboy’ outfit, to the delight of the younger guys watching and tipping him as he he yanked off his pants. Luiz walked to the bar, looking at the waiter, before switching his attention to a slightly chubby badger wearing some expensive imported shirt and khaki slacks sitting by the bar. Three stools to the badger’s left, sat who Flynn deduced was what he had asked his boss for.

 

It took Luiz a while to find another twinkish feline around the same age. But, eventually, he set him up with the black panther he now looked. His name was Brendan, a history student. His eyes were green, his fur black with near-imperceptible spots and his tail was long and swooshed slowly as he seemed to be bored. With the right colors and a short tail, he still would be pretty much TJ.

 

Brendan looked at him and smiled. Flynn allowed himself to slightly stretch his lips, almost smiling back. He approached the panther while noticing his boss taking his seat by the badger and chatting him up. Finally, the gila took his seat by the younger male.

 

“It’s great to meet you. Flynn, right?” The gila nodded, “Luiz has told me so much about you. Oh, but I forget myself… I’m Brendan.” Brendan was clearly nervous, he seemed shy and Flynn had to admit it was a little cute.

 

The gila took the offered paw in a shake. “Pleasure to meet you,” he said. The panther chuckled and took a sip of his martini.

 

Flynn was about to order something for himself, when he noticed the high prices. Luiz might have noticed, because the tegu soon spoke:

 

“Ey, Jack, anythin’ he orders, put on my tab, okay?”

 

The donkey bartender briefly looked at Flynn, then nodded at Luiz with a pleasant smile, before turning to look at the gila.

 

“Just a bottle of beer will do.” The younger lizard knew he would be sobering up by the time they’d be done anyway.

 

He took the bottle that had been opened for him and took a long drink from it. How would he break the ice?

 

“So, are ya from Denver?”

 

“No, not really,” the panther answered, “I come here during my vacations, to visit my older brother. One of his friends told me about this place two years ago and we came here for my eighteenth birthday.” He smiled. “No matter how many times I get in here, I always feel a little, uh… embarrassed? But not in a bad way. It’s that…”

 

“Like there’s some new shit every time you come?” Flynn suggested.

 

“Haha, yeah, pretty much. It’s scary, in a good way.” Brendan frowned, and continued: “But I’ve only been with two guys who aren’t working today. One the first time I came here and the second was last year.”

 

Flynn chuckled. “So, it’s been a while you’ve not been fuckin' anyone, right?”

 

Brendan blushed. “Uhm, yeah. And can you please, uh, avoid cursing? Please? I mean, if that’s okay with you…” he looked away, “I mean… I don’t wanna mess this up…”

 

The gila resisted the urge to grin. “No problem. I’ll try.”

 

“I just was raised this way, I don’t want to impose on you…”

 

“No, no, it’s alright, no problem,” Flynn chuckled. “Say, I’m just curious, though… what do you really look for? I mean, in a place like this, it’s not likely ya want a stable, serious relationship.”

 

Brendan seemed to blush harder. “Well, ah, I look for… what you can call a regular sex partner?”

 

“With your looks, I doubt you’d have any fuckin' difficulty finding one.”

 

“Yeah, well,” the panther rubbed the back of his head, “I like topping larger males. And most of them are those that never bottom, know what I mean? And I also like scalies, so, yeah. I think you know why I’m here.”

 

With a chuckle, Flynn nodded and continued talking with the younger male about other subjects. Mostly smalltalk, but he really was starting to grow fond of the panther. Brendan could be shy, but he was also pleasant and knowledgeable, it almost reminded him of TJ.

 

Now the gila could feel all the previous enthusiasm slowly leaving him. If Brendan had noticed, he did not show any signs of it. They continued chatting, until they ran out of subjects and the panther just started at him, smiling. Flynn forced a smile in return.

 

_Come on, Flynn, it’s still a fucking cat!_

 

As if by reflex, the gila felt his taller body approaching and leaning down, his lips getting closer to touch Brendan’s. Eventually, he felt the feline’s soft, warm lips against his own. The panther’s tongue pushed against his mouth and Flynn opened it, allowing their tongues to wrestle for dominance. He could tell Brendan was aware of his venom and was avoiding his teeth. Good, the kid did his research.

 

They pulled back after a while. Brendan broke the silence first:

 

“I love your long tongue… say, do you wanna see the lower management room?”

 

Flynn raised one of his scaly eyeridges. “Is that the kind of place…”

 

Brendan blushed again. “Yeah. Where we, uh… fuck.” He said the last part in a fast manner. Flynn’s heart start beating hard.

 

They got up and went around the stage. More people had arrived and Flynn also could notice they were being followed: His boss had the badger and the bluejay waiter each in one arm and the most smug expression the gila had seen in anyone before.

 

They approached the “Lower Management” door and Flynn pushed it open, showing a dark room. A few large, flatscreen TVs played gay porno movies. The only lights in that room besides the televisions’ were those of small, colorful neon lights. Still, the place felt clean, _despite_ the smell of sex that filled the air. That and the moans of the various people occupying the large couches, the large pillows under the televisions, and other comfortable-looking furniture.

 

Brendan guided him to a couch right by the door’s right, in a more or less hidden corner. Flynn sat down and the panther did not waste any time before kissing him again, this time his furry paws unbuttoning Flynn’s shirt while they made out. Flynn could feel himself getting hard, and the panther’s erection straining against his pants, rubbing on his own tent as his partner laid him down and pushed himself on top of the gila..

 

Flynn allowed his hands to trail lower and into the panther’s pants, enjoying the feeling of Brendan’s warm and soft fur against his palms. He gripped the panther’s ass hard and the glutes flexed under his grip, Brendan moaning into their kiss.

 

Now the feline pulled back and, for a moment, Flynn could see his boss on the other side, under one of the TVs. The tegu had been 69ing the badger, eagerly eating the mammal’s ass, while the twink-ish bird and the badger awkwardly fought to get access to the lizard’s member with their mouths. His boss briefly glanced at him and Flynn could see the smug smirk in his shiny, but dark eyes.

 

“Heh, Luiz never waste any time,” Brendan’s voice snapped Flynn back to reality. The panther had taken off his shirt, revealing a fit and lean body that reminded him of his roommate. The gila explored the young male’s body with his hands, before he half-sat in order to rid himself of his shirt.

 

After that, Flynn was quick to undo the belt and open the fly of Brendan’s pants. The panther’s engorged member sprung out as he pulled both Brendan’s pants and underwear down. Flynn smirked: He had to be at least ten inches.

 

“Hehe, yeah, I know… I’m kinda well-endowed…” Brendan blushed, giving Flynn a shy smile.

 

The gila was ready. Brendan got off from him and Flynn quickly undid and took off his pants and boxers. His own cock out and leaking pre. He got on all fours on the couch and could feel the cushions shifting once his lover got one foot on it.

 

Flynn flicked his tail up, exposing his asshole for everyone to see. Brendan pressed the tip of his cock against his tailhole and managed to force halfway in, the feline gasping in pleasure. The gila groaned - that cat was also perfect. There were a few differences, but he talked like TJ, he had a similar personality, a similar build.

 

But he wasn’t Toby.

 

Immediately, Flynn’s heartbeat increased, but not from Brendan fucking him. The feline was lost in his own world of bliss, slamming himself against the gila’s backside and pulling himself out and then back in, his rhythm fast. Yet, Flynn felt his own member slowly retreating back into its slit.

 

He sighed, resting his head against the couch and his hands. What the fuck had he been doing here? Trying to forget his problem by fucking some look-alike? It appeared to be a sound idea at first, but now he realized that - as he heard his boss say before, referring to a food court makeover - he was only ‘perfuming the shit.’

 

Something made him feel sick. His stomach turned and it wasn’t the beer or the quick snack he had made for himself. His head throbbed with the rhythm of his heartbeat, and Flynn knew it meant he had been getting anxious. He wanted out of there, but, worst of all, was that he had been humiliating himself by doing all of this. All under the watch of someone he knew.

 

Brendan had slowed down. Flynn had the impression the feline called his name and asked if he was alright.

 

No. Flynn had been anything but alright. The panther pulled back from him and he felt Brendan’s paw on his shoulder.

 

Without saying a word, Flynn shifted and put his clothes back on, now just sitting on the couch. A brief glance at his boss showed that he now just sat still, with the badger servicing him and the blue jay waiter thrusting himself into the mustelid’s tailhole. The tegu had a stoic expression, and Flynn knew his boss had seen everything.

 

“I gotta go,” was all the gila said before he left the Lower Management room. Upon bursting out, he felt as if in a haze, his stomach still upset. He approached a caribou bouncer and asked for the bathroom, quickly going to the door he had been pointed to. Upon entering and finding an empty stall, Flynn leaned against the bowl and emptied the contents of his stomach.

 

Soon after, the gila found himself looking at the bathroom mirror over the sink. He looked like shit. Flynn quickly washed his hands, gargled with some water, and then washed his face. He adjusted his shirt and left the toilets for the bar. He needed something to drink - fuck it that he had been the designated driver. He had already fucked up quite a few times, so what’s one more? Flynn hailed down the donkey bartender and asked for whiskey on the rocks.

 

He soon saw the tegu leaving the Lower Management and asking something to the same caribou bouncer, who quickly pointed at him. Luiz nodded and made his way to the bar, taking the closest stool to the gila. The piece of furniture, unsurprisingly, protested the large weight placed upon it and the tegu eyed Flynn up and down - his gaze lingering slightly longer on his glass - before hailing the bartender and asking for something called _“caipirinha.”_

 

The donkey came back with a tall glass containing a concoction of ice, sugar, squashed lemons and limes, and a clear drink with alcoholic, but somewhat sweet smell that the gila later found out was named _“cachaça”_ \- and was highly alcoholic.

 

Luiz also ordered a large shrimp cocktail and offered to get Flynn something, but the gila just shook his head, eyes firmly on his emptying glass. Flynn took another long drink.

 

“What happened back there, _amigo?”_ Luiz finally asked, as the bartender put his order in front of him and walked off.

 

Flynn finished drinking all of his glass, then put it back down on the bar, accidentally slamming it against the polished dark wood. He flagged the bartender down and pointed at his empty glass. The donkey briefly looked at Luiz, who nodded, then made him another.

 

“Keep ‘em coming, ‘till I tell ya to stop.” The tegu handed the bartender two one-hundred dollar bills.

 

The gila took another long drink of his glass, the booze quickly going to his head due his empty stomach. He already felt a little woozy.

 

“Heh. ‘What happened’? I fucked up, that’s what happened.” Flynn retorted, his tone loaded with bitterness. He had been through worse, but for some reason, he felt his eyes tearing up slightly. He wiped them on the back of his forearm. “He could tell I wasn’t into it.”

 

“I see.” Luiz nodded and ate some of the large shrimps, washing them down with long gulps from his glass. Eventually, he was done with both and asked for another _caipirinha._

 

“Know, _amigo_ , I think it’s good things went wrong for ya. It means that we can now try to focus on you having a shot at that _lince_ pal of yours.”

 

Flynn almost spat his drink and stared at Luiz, a mix of anger, embarrassment, incredulity and - oddly enough - hope welling inside of him. He could only muster one short phrase: “What the fuck?”

 

The tegu smirked and chuckled, reaching for the pockets of his leather pants and pulling out a rather crumpled cigarette pack and a lighter. He pulled one of the bent cigarettes off the cardboard package and lit it, shoving the package and the lighter back in his front pocket. “Betcha thought I wouldn’t find out. Flynn, I’m nearing fifty. Whatever you went through, so did I long ago.”

 

“Heh,” the gila took another long gulp of his whiskey, his throat burning, “I doubt you know half of the shit I’ve been through.”

 

The tegu shrugged. “I doubt the same ‘bout you. Trust me, my life wasn’t all roses, y’know.”

 

Flynn knew he was drunk. He spun around on his stool to face Luiz and almost fell off, but could discreetly save himself from the embarrassment by leaning on the counter. “Hm. I suppose this is the part where I tell ya about my fuckin' tragic past, you tell me about yours and we bond up, heh.”

 

Luiz chuckled and shook his head. “Well, ya can tell me what you want and I’ll keep it secret. I’m not the judgemental type. But if ya wanna know more ‘bout me and why I _know_ I can help ya, then I have just three words: _quid pro quo.”_

 

 _Fuck it,_ Flynn thought, _I’ve already humiliated myself because I couldn’t just get on all fours and take a dick. How could this night get any worse?_

 

And, after finishing his glass, Flynn told Luiz about his past in Echo. All of it. He hated doing it. He did, however, deep down hope that would enable his boss - his friend - to help him.

 

The tegu sat there, only moving to take drinks from his tall glass, but otherwise firmly paying attention. He hadn’t asked him anything, nor accused him of anything. Even when he told him about when he dragged Toby against his will to the lake. Even when he got to the point where Chase had tried to kill him. And, when Flynn was done, the older lizard surprised him with a shrug.

 

“Fuckin’ horrible life, you and your pals had. I’m glad you patched things up… as much as possible,” Luiz finally said.

 

“But you don’t understand, do ya?” Flynn asked, frustration seeping into his voice, “How am I supposed to fuckin' get TJ to like me!? Huh!? I mean, fuck, can’t you see how fuckin' pathetic I am?”

 

Now the nearest patrons and one bouncer were staring at him. Flynn had half a mind to tell them to fuck off, but his boss beat him to it simply by glaring at them, unmoving, until they went back to minding their own business, before turning his attention back to Flynn.

 

The gila sighed and sunk his face into his large hands. His eyes were tearing up again. He had lost his entire fucking life since Sydney had died, trying to find the truth. And, after that, all that had happened to him was his own damn fault - he now felt as if he had - and was - less than nothing. “So tell me, Luiz, how in the _fuck_ could I get anyone to even _like_ me without treating me like the damaged goods I am?”

 

Luiz sighed and finished his glass, signaling the bartender for another refill. The donkey gave both Flynn and the tegu new drinks and went back to the other end of the bar, giving them privacy.

 

“Well, I’ll tell ya the story of a guy that also hated himself and felt as if he was beyond salvation. And don’t roll your eyes now! I’m not talkin’ in the superstitious sense.”

 

Thus, Luiz told him about his childhood, all the way to the present. Including quickly going over what had happened after he left home: how he avenged the death of his first lover and got marked for death in his country. 

 

He had then fled to Peru and fought for a local narco-guerrilla for almost two years, before his disgust at what he had been doing made him give it up and flee to Mexico. Once there, as an uneducated, unskilled foreigner with a sketchy past, Luiz eventually worked as a thug for hire. Those were shocking, but Flynn’s intoxicated mind only made a point of one thing about them:

 

“So,” the gila slurred, “you fled from your old man and, in the end, became a violent asshole just like him.”

 

The tegu sighed and took a long drink from his glass. “I suppose… we have a lot more of our parents in us than we’d imagine. You’re not the first to point that out, though - and I hated myself for what I became. I’ve been workin’ to change that for years…” Luiz paused, trying to remember where he was in his story. “In nineteen ninety-two, I stole a life vest and swam across the _Río Bravo_ to Texas. I had only the clothes I was wearing, the vest - which I had to abandon - and about thirty-five dollars. I wanted to go to Canada, but fate didn’t want that. Broke, homeless, hitching rides and… having to sell my body at times,” Luiz shrugged and took another sip of his _caipirinha,_ “By ninety-three, I ended up in Orlando, Florida.”

 

“It was winter, I was cold, sick and there were no odd jobs available. There was this nice house on the outskirts of town that we knew the owners only showed up in it once or twice a year, during summer. I broke into its garden shed and tried to sleep.”

 

The tegu chuckled. “Much to my surprise, turns out the house was being used by a stupid college boy in his late teens throwing a party. He had one of his friends stash their weed inside that shed, so we almost killed each other through a heart attack when we met.”

 

“I begged him to not call the cops and told him a very, very abridged version of my story, skipping the kind of work I had done back before being in the US. I dunno if was his goody-good christian upbringing or he felt sorry for me. But, either way, he told me he’d hire me as a gardener and that I _better_ do actual work. I had my chance at a honest life, even though I didn’t deserve it…” The tegu gave Flynn a nostalgic smile. “Time passed by… he eventually liked the way I looked… and the feeling was mutual. We talked and got along very well… and, well, we’ve been together for twenty-four years now.”

 

Luiz gave his glass another long drink and sighed. “I was afraid of askin’ him out. He was rich, well-educated, and his father loathed me. It took me almost dying when I fought two stupid muggers that tried to take his wallet out of a club we went to at knifepoint, to make Henry Maitland be fine with my presence. Even though he sent me to Pinkerton to train there and become Richard’s bodyguard. I didn’t mind,” Luiz shrugged, “I’d die for Rich anyday, so I agreed. I… eventually told him the other details of my story and, while he cooled a little to me, he eventually figured I deserved a second chance.”

 

“And that’s that, Flynn. Stop bein’ a proud motherfucker and try to get some courage to ask your pal out. What’s the worst that could happen? If ya just sit on your cute ass playin’ philosopher, thinkin’ about the ‘what if X or Y go wrong,’ never takin’ a risk, then fuck _amigo_ , you’ve wasted your entire life before ya know it. Afraid of having your pride wounded by rejection? Fuck pride. Pride’s a lousy company when you’re alone.”

 

Flynn had been done with his last glass and Luiz made a gesture to the bartender, signaling they were both done. The gila rested his head on his forearm, over the counter. The world spun slowly around him.

 

“Heh. Pride ain’t my fuckin' problem here, Luiz. My problem is… it’s that askin’ him could drive him away for good, argh…” The gila straightened himself as he tried to get up, only to slump and almost fall over. Luiz grabbed him by his shoulder and leaned him against the counter again, so he wouldn’t fall. 

 

The younger lizard felt his eyelids were getting heavier, and he decided to try and keep slurring the rest of his thoughts before he lost his nerve: “Y’know, I apologized to him… twice! But I still feel like shit over what I did to him… I asked ya about it back at Christmas, remember? He forgave me, but I just…” 

 

“It’s okay,” Luiz said, “Still… I’m not tellin’ ya that you should permanently cripple two crooks - and get stabbed in the process - to win your church boy’s heart. But my advice for ya to just open up to him stands. So, what are you afraid of?”

 

Flynn sighed, then looked at his boss, feeling his eyes welling with tears: he felt vulnerable, humiliated and defeated. “I know ya wanna help, but I don’t... don’t wanna…”

 

“Shh, it’s alright, kid. You’re not used to drinking that much, I see,” Luiz drank all of his glass in one gulp, his demeanor unchanged from when he had started drinking. “And I know you don’t wanna make this worse, but you might spend the rest of your life lamenting what could have been - that’s an awful regret to have. I’m tellin’ ya again: Take a fucking chance, _amigo.”_  

 

The older lizard stood up now. “And it’s good ya did get to sincerely apologize. It’s always good to do it before it’s too late. I just wish it was the same with my fa-” Luiz cut himself mid-sentence and let out what sounded like a bitter chuckle. “Now _vamos,”_ he hoisted one of Flynn’s arms over his shoulders and, with a groan, got him to stand up, the gila using the tegu’s larger and softer body for support, “I’ll drive ya home.”

 

Flynn noticed his boss turning to face the bartender. “Keep the change, Jack. We gotta go while I can still drive.”

 

The donkey waved dismissively. “Suit yourself. I’m surprised you didn’t even hit on me tonight.”

 

“Oh, yeah.” The tegu chuckled. “I wish I had thought of somethin’ - maybe then I’d get to ride the donkey.” He grinned and Flynn groaned, his head resting on the older lizard’s shoulder.

 

“Keep trying, and one day you’ll get it.” Jack laughed and went back to his service, while Luiz walked them outside.

 

A few minutes later in the parking lot, Flynn heard the older lizard asking a bouncer - a female walrus - to hold him, so to free the tegu’s hands to open his truck. _Oh, shit, Luiz’s gonna drive!_

 

Flynn let out a small belch, and had to quickly swallow so as to not throw up a little, as he snapped his head to look at the older lizard. “Shit… Uh, hey, Luiz, don’t ya think it’s better to get a cab?”

 

“Nonsense! And leave your truck here in the middle of nowhere?” The middle-aged tegu grinned. “Trust me! I can drive!”

 

The bouncer helped Flynn get in the passenger seat and the gila awkwardly managed to buckle his seatbelt. If he believed in a god, he’d be praying to it now. Luiz turned on the ignition and off they went into the night, right on time before a light rain started to fall.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Only when he realized they entered Route 25, Flynn thanked his luck: They were close now and Luiz had not crashed yet. His drunk mind went back to all Luiz had told him, and he felt like an idiot for not stopping himself from asking the obvious:

 

“You said you’re married to Richard Maitland?”

 

“Not really. I _did_ say we’ve been together for twenty-four years, though… Oh, gee, I wonder how you figured that.” Luiz grinned. Flynn would have told him to go fuck himself, but he had been falling in and out of sleep, hyperventilating and fighting to control his upset stomach.

 

“I’m curious, though,” the tegu briefly looked from the road to Flynn, “when did you realize you were startin’ to fall for the _lince?_ ”

 

Flynn sighed. “I was driving Teej back from the airport. I had missed him, in a way I hadn’t missed anyone else before. I can’t explain this shit. It’s just… at some point, traffic slowed down and we were in this awkward silence. I kinda hugged him longer than intended when we met again, and I think he noticed. I mean... he had been a little awkward around me after that. Anyway, when I was driving the company car, he rested his left paw on his knee and… and I wanted to put my hand over his.”

 

The younger lizard tapped his head against the closed window with his eyes closed, trying to steady his breath and fight the urge to throw up inside his truck, then said: “I can’t explain this shit. I just _really_ wanted to do that, y’know? But I held back.”

 

Luiz looked at Flynn, and the drunken gila looked back. “And that’s when I realized I was starting to like him.”

 

“D’awww, that’s so adorable!” The tegu swerved back into the right lane, as he had been almost going off the road, and Flynn startled. He looked at his GPS and was glad they had only a few more miles to go.

 

“Listen,” Luiz said, “about your fears, let’s do something stupid that might work. I’ll turn on the radio and, if there’s a sad song playin’, it means things won’t work out.”

 

Before Flynn could say anything, the tegu switched the radio on. And they were greeted with the chorus of “All By Myself,” by Eric Carmen.

 

Flynn wanted to smash the radio and just glared at the older lizard.

 

“Uh, if we switch stations and there’s a sad song playin’, then it means that you really have no chance.”

 

He switched stations and they were gifted with Ozzy Osbourne’s “Changes.”

 

“If you’re tryin’ to make me feel like shit, it’s working.” Flynn deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

 

“Gimme a break, _amigo_. It’s not my fault everyone’s miserable nowadays.” Luiz fiddled with the switch and they ended up in a christian radio station.

 

“Aw, fuck you, man. Just turn this damn radio off.” Flynn slurred, leaning back on his seat. Luiz chuckled.

 

“Well, at least isn’t sad music. Hell, we could play a bingo or drinking game to those religious radio stations.”

 

“Like what?” asked Flynn, looking outside, partially distracted by the few lights in the distance and their reflection on the droplets of water covering the outside of the truck door’s window.

 

“See how many times a christian song has ‘lord,’ ‘god,’ ‘Jesus,’ all this shit. ‘Glory,’ ‘praise,’ and such also count.” Luiz looked at Flynn, a smug grin on his face, then turned his attention back to the road ahead.

 

Despite feeling like shit, the gila chuckled. “Yeah, but don’t make it a drinkin’ game. We’ll get alcohol poisoning in no fuckin' time.” 

 

They both laughed. Flynn decided to close his eyes and try to get some rest, so as to make the trip go by faster. He sighed and let the familiar sounds of his truck’s engine, its wheels on the wet asphalt of the near-empty highway, and the light rain falling against the vehicle lull him to slumber. 

 

Soon enough, he was shaken awake by his boss. The rain had stopped, and so did they. Through his haze, Flynn could see their apartment. It was very late and only the light poles illuminated the otherwise dark street. 

 

He hadn’t even noticed when they had stopped, or when Luiz had gotten off his truck and opened his door to shake him awake. He waited until Flynn unbuckled his seatbelt and got off the truck, before lighting a cigarette. The smell of its smoke tempted Flynn to ask for a drag, but he pushed the thought away.

 

“We made it. Do you need help gettin’ upstairs?” The tegu asked, a hint of concern on his voice.

 

“No, thanks… how ‘bout ya? Wanna get inside and call a cab?” 

 

“Nah, no need to help.” The middle-aged tegu locked Flynn’s truck and gave the gila the keys. “I’ll lean against your truck and call my husband,” he pulled his phone out. 

 

Flynn wanted to argue that he should at least get inside, but he could barely hold himself from throwing up.

 

Instead, he briefly hesitated, then moved in and gave Luiz a brief side-hug. He patted the tegu’s shoulder and said: “Thanks, man.”

 

 _“De nada,”_ Luiz retorted, looking at his phone. “Listen, tomorrow, show up at work to sign for your vacation. You earned a couple of weeks. Now go get a shower, and sleep well.”

 

Flynn nodded, even if Luiz wasn’t looking at him. “Thanks again.”

 

They parted ways and Flynn supported himself on the rails as he got up to the shared apartment. He fumbled with his keys a little, but managed to open the door. He locked it up and gently tossed his keys on the small TV cabinet.

 

He quickly retrieved sleeping clothes from the same cabinet and went on to empty his stomach once more in the toilet, then take a thorough shower. Despite the fact the Sweatshop was much cleaner than the Smoke Room, Flynn felt filthy.

 

After he was done, he left for the kitchen, only then noticing the futon had been already laid out so he could sleep. There was a small note on the kitchen table:

 

_“If you’re hungry, there’s some leftover pizza in the fridge - TJ”_

 

The gila smiled at it. ‘ _Good old Toby_ ,’ he thought, ‘ _you deserved a better life than this fucking shit.’_

 

Flynn put the note down and retrieved a two-liter bottle of water, taking a long gulp from it. He knew hangovers came mostly from dehydration, so he wanted to make himself feel halfway alright for when he needed to wake up the next day. He placed the bottle and, after a small search through his things, a blister pack of headache pills - three of them already missing - by the futon and laid down to sleep. It felt as if the world was spinning.

 

All the while, his thoughts kept cycling through his insecurities and his friends’ reassurances. Flynn rolled to his side and figured he would deal with that when his chance came.

 

 _‘If I ever get a chance_ ,’ he thought to himself, as sleep claimed him.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Luiz looked at his watch and groaned, flicking a lit cigarette butt on the street. He was not afraid of being alone this late in the night: A mean-looking large guy wearing a long coat with fetish gear underneath was intimidating by itself. And the fact he had a pistol in his pocket - the one he had his right hand into - meant he could back up any implied threats from his appearance.

 

Some twelve minutes after he had called, he saw Richard’s expensive british import pulling over. He walked to the passenger side and opened his coat, holding his sagging pectorals as if they were breasts.

 

“Two hundred per hour, stud.” He grinned. The goat rolled his eyes and opened the door.

 

“Get your ass in here, Lulu.” Richard said. Luiz got in and buckled up. The tegu had to be honest, his head was buzzing a little, but he wasn't even close to reaching his own limit before _actually_ getting drunk - he was glad the young gila was such a lightweight for a guy that big. Otherwise, the older lizard would not have felt comfortable to drive. Not with a passenger.

 

“So, how was it?” Richard asked him. Straight to the point and cursing - the goat was impatient. The tegu sighed and rubbed his temples.

 

“He flopped when it came to getting it on with the panther - as expected. I got him to confess - as expected. But the thick-headed _idiota_ won’t ask the church boy out.”

 

Richard gripped the steering wheel, thinking about what Luiz said. Then he shrugged.

 

“Heh, reminds me of the old times: us dancing around each other, but neither making the first move.”

 

“Pretty much. So... we could set things up. Not in a forced way, mind ya - that would make things worse. Just naturally guide them,” said Luiz.

 

“Maybe then we’ll have to talk to their friends. If they know the secret, that is. Jenna knows how Tobias feels, but we have to find out what ram knows about it.” The goat furrowed his brow. “And, obviously, we can’t just tell them everything. Otherwise, neither Flynn or Tobias will ever trust us.”

 

“True.” The fat tegu pondered Richard’s idea. “If the chubby ram, Carl, does indeed know about Flynn’s crush, then what’ll we do?”

 

“Make sure this ship sails and we get to pay for a guard that doesn’t look like his mind is in darn Mars, for once. Ah, to be young and in love...” Richard chuckled.


	18. Shipping Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a lazy Sunday, Jenna figured the best way to ease her friend's emotional pains would be to help him get it off his chest.
> 
> And she recruits others to help her with it.

**Shipping Business**

 

Jenna groaned as the sun shone through the blinds of her window straight on to her face. The fennec turned around, briefly raising her head so to not crush her ear beneath her head, and pulled her covers over herself. _Why did the sun always have to shine on her face when she wanted to sleep in?_

 

Yet, as soon as she felt herself about to fall asleep, her phone alarm rang and Jenna let out a whine, turning around and shutting it off. Ten o’ clock, so she knew it would be better to get moving.

 

The vixen rolled off her bed and stretched, then made sure to make her bed presentable. Satisfied with her work, the fennec idly scratched at her hip, mind still drowsy, and she tried to think on what to do for the day.

 

They did not need to buy any groceries, Flynn had tidied up the place in his last day off that week, she didn’t have to go to the clinic - with the way the bills went up, she and Carla figured to stop working weekends - and most places were closed anyway.

 

That meant it would be a lazy Sunday. Not that she was complaining.

 

Jenna quickly gathered her usual ‘stay at home’ clothes - just her underwear plus comfortable elastic waistband shorts and a t-shirt - and went to the bathroom. She briefly looked over the other side of the corridor leading to the bathroom and could see Flynn was still fast asleep in the living room. TJ’s door was closed also. He had stayed up until late.

 

The fennec quickly did her usual morning routine, taking care of some pressing needs while at it, then left the bathroom, her fur still somewhat damp from her shower, but wafting a nice flowery scent.

 

She tried to sneak into the kitchen to get herself something for breakfast without bothering Flynn. But she accidentally knocked down a water bottle over the sleeping gila. Flynn groaned and rolled to his side, then took a deep breath and opened his eyes, a clear expression of displeasure on his face.

 

“Sorry. My tail knocked it off,” Jenna apologized as she lifted the bottle and put it back on the futon’s armrest. Flynn took another deep breath and rubbed his eyes, sighing.

 

“Tis’ okay, Jenna. Want me to make breakfast?”

 

While she would not complain to get more of Flynn’s delicious cooking, Jenna knew it would be an asshole move to push him to make breakfast all the time.

 

“No, I’ll just have some toasts with jam. You can go back to sleep.”

 

Flynn grunted and just sat there, legs crossed, his lower half covered with his blanket. Jenna couldn’t help but think of those fakirs from India. She knew his drowsy mind was likely trying to figure what he was going to do.

 

Finally, the gila reached for some pills he had placed on the armrest of the futon, right by the water bottle, and took two of them. He quickly swallowed the pills and washed them down with some water, before lying back down. Flynn was quickly asleep again and Jenna had to admit, it was better than his tossing and turning for the past months. He almost looked peaceful.

 

After getting her toasts ready and eating them, Jenna retreated back to her bedroom and adjusted her pillow against the bed frame, so she could lounge against it and just browse her Muzzlebook. Most of the new messages and posts were just minor things that made her chuckle or other political activism that caught her interest. She was surprised to see some of the posts from Flynn’s tegu boss. The older lizard was clearly passionate about many causes.

 

She could say he was even more zealous about his activism than she ever was.

 

Other different posts in her timeline were Carl’s newest playthrough of some game about being stranded in a planet full of water and ice, and Flynn’s _other_ boss shares about a charity event and, oddly enough, a lot of LGBT and drag-related events and news.

 

It was always amusing how people opened up on social media. Jenna always looked for her patients there and, more often than not, could find out more about them than they would ever volunteer during their sessions. It helped her a lot in figuring what was wrong with them and helping them out - and she made a mental note to write an article in the near future about the importance of social media in psychotherapy.

 

A low blip sound came from her phone and her large ears twitched, knowing that meant somebody had sent a direct message to her. She opened the tab and, sure enough, it was Richard Maitland.

 

_“Good morning to you! I see I’m not the only one that’s determined to wake up before noon.”_

 

Jenna smiled and typed her reply:

 

_“Good day. And, try as I might, I just couldn’t sleep ‘till past 10 AM.”_

 

She noticed the goat was typing a message… then stopped. Then started again. And stopped again. It went on for a few more moments and she knew it meant he was either typing something long or trying to think about the right way to say something.

 

Indeed, it was the latter.

 

_“Listen, I’m a businessman, so I’ll get straight to the point: How’s Tobias? Since Flynn and Lulu went out yesterday evening, I take he hasn’t told about his feelings, right?”_

 

Indeed, straight to the point. The fennec’s smile dropped and she hesitated, before typing her answer.

 

_“No… and I think TJ’s sad about yesterday. He didn’t say anything, but I could notice when he thought I wasn’t looking.”_

 

She wanted to ask about Flynn’s escapade, but decided it would have been better to wait until Luiz was online. She presumed the tegu had been either at work or sleeping. The biggest issue was not knowing if the gila liked TJ.

 

In the end, Richard solved that problem for her:

 

_“I see. It didn’t go well for Flynn either, Lulu told me. He did not elaborate, just said it was ‘a f-word disaster like all the other times.’”_

 

Jenna pursed her lips. So, it appeared neither of them knew about where Flynn stood about TJ. Before she could think of something to say, Richard continued with another message:

 

_“Listen, Luiz is at work today. He told Flynn yesterday, but tell him for me just in case: He needs to drop by at the office to sign in his holidays. He earned two weeks rest. Well, fifteen days, but you know what I mean.”_

 

Her ears perked up at that. Interesting… so Flynn would be available for half a month.

 

_“Will do.”_

 

_“Thanks. Now I have to go. I need to see a pawdicure for my hooves. They need a new shine.”_

 

And, with that, Richard went offline.

 

Hooves gave Jenna an idea. She scrolled up until she found Carl’s post about his let’s play. _What if…?_

 

Shaking her head, Jenna dismissed the idea: Carl would likely be still asleep by this time. She heard TJ’s bedroom door opening and then the bathroom’s closing. He was either avoiding Flynn or the gila was still fast asleep, for TJ to just immediately head to the bathroom.

 

After some twenty minutes, her large ears twitched with the sound of the bathroom door opening and closing again. The fennec tried to distract herself, but neither Carla nor Beatrice - her colleague from Pennsylvania - were online. Luiz was at work and she did not really want to risk bothering him.

 

Jenna chuckled to herself upon realizing it would be a boring day. She got on her feet and went to her closet, opening it and picking a few older manga issues at random, dropping them by the nightstand and half-lying back down in bed. She reached for the stack and picked one manga at random to read, while she made a mental note to try and contact Carl and try to see what he knew about the situation between TJ and Flynn.

  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  


Hours passed by and she put the last issue from the pile down. Her ears perked up and Jenna paid attention to the sounds coming from the living room. Flynn was awake, she could hear the futon being folded back into a couch. She couldn’t hear any talk, which she did not consider a good sign: TJ was, most likely, still awake and in the living room. If they weren’t talking, that means trouble.

 

Jenna considered putting the mangas back inside her closet with the others, organized neatly so, but figured it would be better to go to the living room and see what’s going on. She pocketed her phone and casually walked out.

 

Flynn greeted her with a simple nod and a grunt, a towel and clean clothes on his shoulder, then he entered the bathroom. TJ sat on the couch, leaning his face on his hand and, once Jenna could see his face, he looked upset. The lynx immediately smiled and greeted her, and she returned it in kind. No use to call him out on his act.

 

She took a seat by TJ and fished her phone out, pretending to browse something on it. The TV was on, but the volume had been so low and her friend was clearly not looking straight at it.

 

They would have only about ten minutes alone until Flynn emerged from the bathroom. She had to make it count.

 

“So… TJ… you should tell him. I know you feel sad when he goes out…”

 

TJ slowly turned to face her, his ears droopy and sighed. “I don’t know… maybe I shouldn’t interfere. What if he prefers that way?”

 

Jenna assented. “That’s a possibility. But you’ll never know otherwise. And I can’t ask him without making it clear.” She then had an idea.

 

The fennec quickly scrolled through her contact list and found Luiz’s number. She opened the tab to send him a message and, after briefly thinking decided to get straight to the point:

 

_“Good afternoon, Luiz. Flynn’s awake, so I’ll tell him to get there when he’s out of the bathroom. Btw, how was his night?”_

 

She hesitated, then clicked on the ‘send’ button. It felt like it would take forever until the mark indicating the recipient has read her text appeared by the sent message. Luiz was now typing.

 

_“Thanks. And I promised to not tell anyone. Sorry.”_

 

Jenna smirked and quickly typed her reply:

 

_“Your silence_ _about it tells me all I needed to know.”_

 

Luiz quickly sent his answer:

 

_“De nada.”_

 

Feeling a grin involuntarily showing on her small muzzle, Jenna held back a snicker. The tegu knew exactly what she was thinking and why she had asked him that. It also is a good idea to not let Flynn know they spoke about it, even if Luiz technically refused to answer.

 

She looked at TJ. The lynx now looked down, but his gaze was distant.

 

“What if I told you that Flynn isn’t having a good time when he does that?”

 

TJ sighed again, but did not look at her. “He doesn’t? Then why he does that every other week? I dunno, Jenna… and… there’s also the fact I’m not really sure what’ll happen. What if he wants to… well…”

 

The lynx blushed and seemed to try and shrink into himself. It would have been comical, had Jenna not know all too well just how fragile TJ could be.

 

“I think he would wait until you’re comfortable,” she said and could see TJ’s ears perking up. Before she could say anything else, the bathroom door opened and Flynn came out. Jenna schooled her features into a neutral expression and turned so she could look at him.

 

“Flynn, your boss told me to remind you about going to the office and sign in your fifteen days break from work.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Flynn said, “I’m on my way. Will you guys want me to get ya anything while I’m out?”

 

“No, thank you.” TJ said, his voice low.

 

Jenna just shook her head. “We’re good. I might go hang out with Carla later. But we should text you if either of us leave.”

 

“Alright,” Flynn said, “well, seeya later.”

 

With that, the tall lizard left the apartment. Jenna waited until she could not hear him anymore before turning back to TJ.

 

“Listen, I have an idea: Richard said he had the day off. What if we asked him for advice?” 

 

TJ pursed his lips and Jenna knew he had been thinking. Likely, worried about bothering the goat.

 

“Well… okay, if he doesn’t mind…”

 

Jenna shrugged and started typing a message. “Like I said, the worst thing that could happen is for him to say ‘no.’ But I don’t think he will.”

  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  


In the end, Richard Maitland invited them to come with him to a vegan restaurant clearly above their budget (then again, most vegan restaurants tended to be a bit expensive). He wore similar clothes than last time: Cutoff denim shorts, striped stockings and a red crop top with ‘RAM RANCH REALLY ROCKS!’ written in bold white letters across the chest. A red ascot hid his collar  - Jenna had to look hard in order to confirm that, yes, he still wore it.

 

Both TJ and Jenna protested when he offered to foot the bill, but then the goat quickly put on the same stern expression he wore at work and firmly told them it was either that or he would be leaving.

 

Jenna trusted her instincts well enough to know Richard was not the kind of man to bluff often, so she agreed with the goat’s proposal. TJ, being outvoted, simply sighed and resigned himself to accept Richard’s offer. The goat smiled, victorious.

 

They ordered their meals, and then Richard broke the silence:

 

“So… how are things with you two?”

 

The fennec quickly told Richard about the financial troubles at the clinic and her contacting a colleague who wished to do the same kind of research as her. The goat nodded with interest, before Jenna noticed, once she was done, how his rectangular pupils were now squarely directed at TJ.

 

With a sigh, TJ avoided eye contact and rubbed his arm, ears lowering briefly. “I’m fine… same old, really.”

 

The goat rubbed his goatee and opened his mouth to reply - Jenna knew he would be direct.

 

“So… you didn’t ask your lizard out yet? What’s the matter, darling?”

 

Now her friend just looked down. “I… I’m afraid of being turned down.”

 

Jenna looked at Richard and the goat nodded at her. She rested her hand gently on TJ’s left shoulder.

 

“Look, TJ, that’s a risk you have to take,” she said.

 

“Remember what I told ya, darling: If you don’t take a risk, _nothing_ happens,” added Richard.

 

She could feel TJ’s shoulders slumping under her hand and he placed his elbows on the table, holding his head in his hands.

 

“I know… but there’s also the… uh… the sex problem. I’m not ready and, ah, I know Flynn… well, Flynn is… you know…”

 

“A slut like my husband?” Richard grinned and raised one eyebrow. Jenna could not help but snicker both at how unexpected it was and at TJ’s face, eyes wide with shock and mouth hanging open as he looked at the goat with pure disbelief.

 

Richard chuckled and raised one hand. Their orders had arrived and the goat took a deep breath to calm himself down, before joining his hands in prayer. Jenna saw TJ doing the same.

 

Only after they were done saying Grace, they resumed the conversation.

 

“I make no secret of that. I’m kinda lusty too,” the goat shrugged, eating a forkful of his dumplings. He swallowed before continuing: “my point is that, well, there’s days I don’t feel like it, and there’s days Lulu doesn’t feel like it. We respect that. I think that, if you’re afraid of being rejected simply because you do not feel ready or comfortable to engage in coitus, well… then he’s not good anyway. If he’s halfway decent, he will wait.”

 

Jenna took a bite of her salad. It was pretty good, actually. TJ, on the other hand, just picked at his food with his fork, taking longer for him to finally eat.

 

They continued eating, until TJ finally broke the silence: “I see… thanks, Richard. But, uh, what if I never feel ready?”

 

Now Jenna had to admit she was interested in what the goat would say. She looked at Richard and noticed him rubbing his goatee in thought.

 

Eventually, the caprine shrugged. “Well… then that’s up to you. People are not one-hundred percent alike. However, in my experience, relationships work better when both partners are usually on the same frequency. As in sharing many interests while accommodating and accepting each other’s needs and differences. The rest is up to both of you, darling. A relationship needs collaboration from both sides. It is why I said you were _infatuated, smitten_ with Flynn, and _not in love_ \- yet.”

 

 _Well… that was perfectly logical,_ Jenna thought.

 

“I suppose you’re right…” TJ still looked sad, but assented with a nod of his head. Jenna knew he accepted the advice.

 

They fell in silence and continued to eat, before the linx made an unexpected question:

 

“I’m curious… about this collar you wear. I’ve read on the internet some things about that and, uh, is it a ‘BDSM’ thing?”

 

“Huh?” Richard raised one eyebrow, then made a gesture for him to wait as he chewed and swallowed, then dabbed his lips with a napkin. “Why, yes it is. The ring below,” he lifted his ascot to show a large metal ring, “is for a leash.”

 

TJ now looked utterly baffled. “What’s the… appeal?”

 

The goat chuckled and shook his head. “Ah, Tobias… it’s pretty much thrill I get from the act of submission. I’m a businessman. I keep worrying and making decisions about everything relating my businesses, the market, the economy, etcetera. For me, it’s relaxing and even liberating, in a way, to surrender all control to someone I _really_ trust. In that case, Luiz. Let him worry about how to please me without crossing that thin line between being a good master with a happy pet or being awful in bed and with a stressed husband. Of course, I believe you also have heard about safewords. It’s not just for BDSM, but it’s more common in such relations. Partners should be able to communicate well for any relationship to work. Tell their likes and dislikes, trying new things - yet stopping once one or both are uncomfortable, and so on. After all, ‘no’, will _always_ mean ‘no.’ Unless you’re into pseudo-rape… then you need a safeword, but I think you figured that by now, darling.”

 

Richard chuckled again. TJ blinked. “To each, their own,” the lynx finally said, then went back to his meal.

 

The fennec noticed that, once in a while, TJ’s ears would perk up and he furrowed his brow. He was clearly thinking hard about their conversation that afternoon and, while Jenna was happy that it meant her friend was finally coming out of his comfort zone and gathering courage to take such a big step, she never hoped in a million years that he would say what he said next:

 

“Know… Flynn’s going to be at the mall today, right? I’d like… I’d like to talk to him.”

 

Richard smiled and adjusted his glasses. “Excellent. Especially since you seem to have the courage to do that. Let’s finish here and we’ll be on our way.”

 

“Except… what if he just signs his holidays up and gets back home?” Jenna asked. The lynx’s ears drooped again.

 

“Oh,” TJ said, barely above a whisper. Being home could make things a bit more awkward. She realized that her friend likely wanted to be somewhere open and with her and, perhaps, even Richard’s presence. Maybe he wasn’t that bold yet.

 

Richard shrugged. “We can arrange for him to stay.”

 

With that, he picked his phone and started texting, likely to his husband. Jenna’s ears perked up and she smiled, an idea of her own forming in her head.

 

She picked her phone and typed a message to Carl:

 

_“Hey, Carl, Flynn’s going to get two weeks off work, starting today. He’s at the mall, can you go meet him and wait for us so we all can hang out?”_

 

Her message was sent. She hoped the ram had no plans for that day. The seconds seemed to pass slowly, until her phone finally buzzed. It was Carl’s message:

 

_“beat u 2 it. already here with Flynn and Luiz.”_

 

Attached to it, was a hasty selfie he took. She could only see Carl’s face from the top of his muzzle and over, as he held the phone at an off angle, his arm likely stretched a bit above his head. Behind him, Jenna could see Flynn and his perpetual grimace, looking straight at the camera, and Luiz behind him, taking a bite of a donut, one scaly brow raised in curiosity. They appeared to be sitting on one of the benches outside.

 

They quickly finished their meals and Richard paid the bill and left a generous tip, before hastily leaving. Jenna and TJ left the building into the early summer warmth outside. She needed to know one thing, however - Jenna handed her car keys to TJ and told him to go on ahead. When they were alone, she approached Richard and asked him in a low voice:

 

“I’m happy for your aid, but I’ve been meaning to ask… why are you helping him so much? Is this a game?”

 

The goat smirked at her, adjusting his glasses. “Well, the answer is: Why not? I can help two young folks try to be happy, and hanging out with you guys has made me feel young again. Same as Luiz. Know… there’s something else I get from all of this.”

 

“What is it?” Jenna asked, interested.

 

“Luiz is happier,” Richard sighed, “I spent most of my life getting everything I wanted, one way or another. It was either handed to me or I worked my behind off and got it. But, try as I might, there was _one_ thing I never managed to do. Not fully.”

 

“And what’s it?” The fennec raised one eyebrow.

 

“Make Luiz _truly_ happy.”

 

It was then Jenna realized that, indeed, Luiz was depressive. She sympathized with the goat now: One could not simply make depression vanish out of nowhere. She could clearly see that the tegu loved him and was happy with him. A brief look through his Muzzlebook profile could show he was not really fond of the US. And that he couldn’t go back to his home country. Jenna obviously couldn’t make a psychiatric profile of the tegu, but from bits and pieces she had managed to get from various sources, it would have been fair to say Richard was his reason to live. For good and bad.

 

Not that it was healthy. But, then again, what’s more unhealthy than giving up? She had seen it up close with Flynn.

 

The goat nodded at her, a sad smile on his muzzle, and went to his car without another word. Jenna made her way to her own vehicle. She now compared the older lizard with Flynn. 

 

Jenna never wanted to see him hurt, as much as she and the gila had not been particularly fond of each other back then. But, as time passed by, she had to admit she really came to consider him a friend, and genuinely care about his well-being.

 

Now she hoped, for the sake of everyone involved, that what TJ felt for Flynn was mutual.

 

TJ did not talk much to her, she saw his ears lowering and perking up and he just rested his head on his hand, looking outside. She knew he was trying to prepare himself for what he was likely about to do.

 

And she would support him all the way.

  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  


Richard had arrived way before they did, as Jenna could attest once she spotted his car parked in the reserved spot. She parked her aging car as close as she could and both she and TJ hopped out. She briefly looked at the lynx and noticed he had an expression of uncertainty, his ears splayed and not keeping his gaze on anything too long.

 

Neither Richard or the others were outside. Jenna pursed her lips and texted Carl asking for their whereabouts.

 

 _“by the fountain,”_ came the answer. Jenna told TJ and they entered the building.

 

They made their way through the small crowds of shoppers, their noise of the mall goers chatting seemed to be something natural to the environment full of brightly-lit store fronts and kiosks with semi-predatory salesmen. They avoided a few of them, but they weren’t as pushy with Jenna and her friends as they were with others. The fennec figured either Flynn or one of his bosses had told them to back off once they started frequenting QWest Mall regularly.

 

Being short was a curse sometimes. It was difficult to peer over the crowd, and they took some time until they could locate the unmistakable tall, obese tegu wearing a black peaked cap and mirrored aviators combo. As they approached, more of the small fountain in the middle of the building and her friends sitting in front of it were visible. Carl noticed them first and waved at them.

 

Jenna returned the gesture. TJ did so, but the lynx only waved once, lacking any enthusiasm, ears still droopy. Flynn acknowledged them with a glance and a nod.

 

The gila closed his eyes and Jenna noticed his chest raising and lowering, meaning he had just sighed or taken a deep breath and released it.

 

Maybe the feeling was mutual, after all.

 

Richard was there, with his usual serious, business-like expression. It looked a little off in his casual outfit, but it still seemed to work: he and Luiz did not behave as if they were married (or if the goat was the pet in a petplay BDSM relationship), not sitting down and even rarely looking at them, scanning the mall for anything that needed a security guard’s attention.

 

By now, Carl had briefly hugged Jenna and did the same to TJ. The lynx smiled shyly and it felt as if, suddenly, the world around them was silent.

 

“Hey, Teej,” Flynn said.

 

“Hello.”

 

Jenna noticed the lynx rubbing his arm, as he did when nervous or sad. She considered touching his shoulder or bringing up a conversation about any subject that could put them at ease, but it’d only make things even more awkward.

 

“Uh, I need to go to the bathroom,” Carl got up, “you can sit here, Teej.”

 

The ram briefly squeezed Flynn’s shoulder with a smile. The gila scowled at him, but slumped down, sitting with his legs open and supporting his elbows on them. He looked down, as if the floor was more engaging than his friends. Carl sighed and walked out, his posture stiff, as if he were trying to act natural.

 

“Look, Mr. Maldonado-” Richard started speaking.

 

“ _Chief_ Maldonado,” Luiz grumbled, crossing his arms.

 

The goat rolled his eyes. “I need to take a look on the paperwork for Mr. Moore’s fifteen days vacation. Did you leave them in my office? And I would like to know how you will reorganize the remaining security staff to make up for his break.”

 

“Yes, I left them at your desk,” Luiz spoke, also sounding professional, “and I did also drop my suggestions about rearranging my remaining personnel. Let’s go to the office, I’ll show ya.”

 

“Lead the way, Mr. Maldonado.”

 

“ _Chief,_ ” Luiz growled, but they walked off, disappearing around a corner.

 

_‘Perfect. Now I’m alone with them. Quick, Jenna, think of something!’_

 

The vixen’s large ears splayed a little, then she noticed a small comic and book store far down the corridor.

 

“I’ll be right back. I’d like to check that bookstore,” she said.

 

Flynn scoffed, but didn’t say anything. TJ took the empty seat right next to the gila and they both looked at different directions, avoiding visual contact with each other. Hoping for the best, Jenna walked down the corridor towards the comic store.

 

It was then when she noticed Carl, Richard and Luiz huddled by one of the maintenance doors, watching the fountain from their hidden spot. It was hard to see, considering it was behind the front corner of a clothing store and its shiny mannequins wearing outfits in the most gaudy colours. Carl motioned for her to come closer.

 

It was hard for the fennec to see, but she could spot the back of TJ’s head and Flynn from the shoulder-up through the storefront.

 

The wait was painful, but they eventually faced each other on the bench and she could see Flynn was saying something, TJ appeared to laugh at it, but they soon looked sad again.

 

They looked down, but she could see TJ saying something that catches Flynn’s attention.

 

She hoped that it all would end well soon, like a badly-written feelgood yaoi manga.

 

Then it dawned on her. The fennec looked at Carl.

 

“Did you know they were infatuated for each other all this time?” She asked between gritted teeth.

 

“Uhm, actually… no. I was just gonna tell ya to watch them. But since you didn’t ask anything, I figured…” The ram gave her an apologetic smile. Jenna couldn’t help but chuckle. 

  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  


TJ licked his lips, his heart was pounding in his chest. Flynn seemed to look at the crowd, but his eyes were not really focused. 

 

Eventually, the gila let out a dry snicker. “Heh, they’re doin’ their damn best to avoid us, it seems.”

 

“Yeah…” TJ answered, not looking at the gila. The younger male thought for a moment, then decided to break out the smalltalk:

 

“Remember when we went to the airport? I was thinking and, ah, I never thought we’d be getting along so well.” He risked a glance at Flynn. The lizard now faced him.

 

“Me neither. It’s good we came so far.”

 

“Yeah… yeah! Yes, it is!” TJ forced a grin, trying to pretend he was not nervous. “Even if things were not perfect during that trip, I really had fun. I never figured playing ‘Never Have I Ever’ with you would’ve been so fun.”

 

“Know, Teej, as fucking horrible being stuck in traffic was, it wasn’t bad to drive ya to Denver. Had fun playing that game with you, too.”

 

TJ smiled and nodded, then both of them fell into silence. The lynx frowned as the gila looked away again.

 

“It’s funny how both of us never really had a crush as kids,” TJ said with a nervous laugh.

 

Flynn looked at him with an expression that TJ couldn’t understand very well: It was as if he had said something that hit a nerve. Then the gila forced a smile.

 

“Heh, yeah…” Flynn looked away.

 

As stupid as he felt, the lynx briefly brushed his fingers against the cross necklace he wore, happy that it was there, and made a quick and silent prayer.

 

“Uh, Flynn… there’s something I want to say…”

 

The gila turned to look at TJ, and the lynx let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Flynn seemed to be dreading what would come next, his expression showing a hint of sadness. Maybe it would not be a good idea, but it was too late to go back now.

 

“Yes?”

 

TJ swallowed. All he knew about this ‘date’ thing had been the disaster that he had with Heather and the first moves other people made on him. Sarah came to mind.

 

_Here goes nothing._

 

“I’ve been thinking, would you like to… well, would you like to get dinner with me?”

 

Flynn looked stunned and TJ feared he just screwed everything up. Only one thought crossed his mind:

 

_Shit._


	19. Shipping Security

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the previous chapter, we saw TJ finally getting bold enough to let the truth out and ask Flynn if he'd like to get dinner with him.
> 
> Now, we see the events of that same day from Carl's point of view... and the aftermath of TJ's invitation.

**Shipping Security  
**

 

_Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Be-_

 

With a smack, Carl accidentally knocked his cheap alarm clock on the floor as he tried to just press the snooze button. It fell upside-down, and managed to shut the alarm off. With a satisfied humm, he turned around, wrapped in his blanket like a cocoon, and drifted back to sleep. It was rare for the ram to sleep so well, and he would take any chance he could get.

 

Eventually, Carl rolled back towards the direction of his nightstand again, and lazily opened one of his eyes. He could see the upside-down alarm clock from where he was, and then his heart skipped a beat once he noticed the time.

 

He was late for class.

 

Carl rolled out of bed, and then quickly set to gathering his bag and notebooks, while haphazardly choosing the clothes he was going to wear for the classes.

 

The ram was almost removing his boxers one-handed when he saw the calendar.

 

And then, Carl groaned upon remembering it was Sunday.

 

 _“Aw, shit,”_ Carl thought to himself as he instantly pulled his boxers back up, dropped his clean clothes right where he stood and fell back on his bed while letting out a satisfied sigh.

 

Frankly, he knew he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep that easily. The ram still struggled with insomnia and the pills his therapist gave him only helped him fall asleep - but not to _keep_ him asleep.

 

Still, Carl enjoyed the feeling of lazily lying in his bed, sometimes humming in satisfaction as he shifted and rubbed his face on his fluffy pillow, also enjoying the sensation of moving his legs from a warm to a colder part of his bed.

 

The ram knew he was childish. He didn’t mind.

 

Carl couldn’t honestly tell how long he spent lying down in his bed, drifting from awakeness to a drowsy near-sleep and back again. Eventually, his peripheral vision could locate the alarm display by his left: Eleven-something in the morning.

 

With another groan, Carl sat up, the bed springs squeaking beneath his weight. The ram fetched his phone and spent some time just browsing vtube, reading comments and replying to anything that caught his interest - or felt important. As much as knew it was disappointing, he could not reply or even like every single commentary by his fans.

 

Once more, time passed Carl by and, once he looked at the time, it was almost 12 ‘o clock.

 

The ram thought about what to do and, finally, decided to text Flynn. He asked if he could hang out with him.

 

But, sadly, no reply came. Disappointed, Carl decided to take a shower and get ready. It was only by the time he walked back into his room, still drying his shaggy beard, that he noticed someone had replied while he was away. It was Flynn.

 

_“I’m at the mall. Will be on a two week break from work starting today. I’m signing the paperwork. I need to talk later.”_

 

Carl frowned. Flynn didn’t usually tell him that he needed to talk, so the ram knew immediately it had to be something exceptionally important.

 

He picked up his wallet, phone and charger, locked his room, and then left the dorm building in a hurry, switching his gaze from where he had been going and back to his phone as he frantically used the app to call for a cab.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Carl paid the driver and gave him a relatively good review on the app, before getting out of the vehicle. He looked around at the parking lot and, sure enough, he could easily spot Flynn and his boss sitting outside, a small box of donuts between them.

 

Making his way to them, the ram made sure to put on a smile on his face. It wasn’t really false: He was always happy to see his friend, though as he got closer, he noticed Flynn seemed to be down in the dumps and his smile faded, replaced by an expression of concern.

 

“Uh, hey dude. How’s it goin?” Carl put on a forced a smile.

 

Flynn sighed, face supported on both of his fists, and only shifted his eyes briefly to look at the ram. “Hey, Carl.”

 

“Hey, _Carlito, que pasa?_ ” Luiz grinned and waved with his hand still holding a half-eaten donut. The tegu took another bite of his donut and then continued: “You’ve arrived just in time!”

 

The chubby ram blinked and shifted his gaze back and forth from Flynn and Luiz. “Uh… just in time for what?”

 

The gila sighed again, shaking his head. “This is bullshit.”

 

It was directed at Luiz, not at Carl, and the ram knew it.

 

The fat tegu shrugged. “No, it isn’t. Remember what we talked yesterday… if you can remember yesterday at all.” He chuckled.

 

“Alright,” Flynn sat up straight, firmly looking at his friend. “Carl, I kinda need-”

 

The ram’s phone buzzed with a message. He was going to ignore it, but the gila gestured to it, and the ram figured he would allow him to buy some time.

 

Carl nodded and picked his phone. It was a message from Jenna, asking him and Flynn to meet her and TJ at the mall so the four of them could hang out.

 

He thought to just reply, then a smirk crossed his soft, caprine lips. Turning his back to Flynn, the ram grinned. “Smile!”

 

He snapped a selfie with him, Flynn and Luiz in it, then sent it to Jenna, along with his reply:

 

_“beat u 2 it. already here with Flynn and Luiz.”_

 

The gila scowled at him, and Carl felt his smile falter. “What’d you take that damn picture for?”

 

“Uh, Jenna and TJ are comin’ to hang out with us! So I thought-” 

 

“Ah, fuck. Perfect.” Flynn groaned and put one of his large hands on his face.

 

Carl did not have time to talk, as Flynn’s boss butted into their conversation with his own opinion of the events:

 

“Fuck, yeah, it’s perfect! Come on, Flynn! Tell him or I’ll tell myself,” the tegu swallowed a donut he had been eating, then licked the powdered sugar from his scaly lips, making loud slurping noises. It was somewhat obscene to Carl and a brief glimpse of Flynn’s face told the ram that the gila thought the same.

 

Flynn closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then exhaled. It was almost like one of those exercises to calm down. He opened his acqua-coloured eyes and looked straight at Carl. “I… fuck… I wanted to ask Toby out… but I don’t know how.”

 

“Uh, dude, you know I have no idea how to do that, do you? I mean, last time, you said so yourself.”

 

The gila sighed. Carl felt bad for his friend. “I know…” Flynn said, shoulders slumping.

 

“Aw, come on, _amigo_! You’re young, handsome, has a beautiful ass, a nice cock and - thanks to the workout plus your boring diet - a great body! What obstacle do you have? What do you need? Eatin’ pasta without forks by candlelight while I serenade you two? A beautiful sunset? Spit it out and I’ll arrange it.” The tegu chuckled, his jowls trembling as he did so.

 

“Fuck you, Luiz,” Flynn answered half-heartedly.

 

The tegu now sighed. “Look, let’s get inside. They should be here soon, so we need all the time we can, mright?”

 

Carl checked the time and agreed. “Uh, yeah.”

 

Flynn got up without saying a word, looking grumpy and troubled. He followed his boss inside, and Carl went in tow.

 

They made their way through the small crowds of shoppers. The place wasn’t really packed, but even small groups of people always managed to get in the way by huddling in small groups and either chatting idly right in the middle of the way or walking as slowly as they could. Fortunately, Carl could keep close thanks to letting both lizards go on ahead.

 

Eventually, the trio found themselves by the small fountain in the middle of the mall. The tegu gestured to an empty bench and Carl took a seat, followed by Flynn. The ram did notice Luiz stood up and, while it’d be a tight fit, he would be able to sit down.

 

“Luiz, dude, you can sit, if ya want,” the ram indicated the empty spot. The tegu shook his head.

 

“Would look bad if I sat down. Some whiny customer would bitch to the assistant manager, who would tattle me to my husband,” the tegu said, scanning the crowd with a neutral expression, hands firmly clasped behind his back as if he were guarding both of them.

 

“Oh, well…” Carl shrugged and turned to face Flynn. His friend still looked distressed, his gaze on the fountain.

 

Carl had no idea what he could tell Flynn that would make him feel better or get the courage to tell TJ. He knew his friend was distressed - even before he had managed to pry from Flynn what bothered him, the younger male could tell something had been eating the gila.

 

However, it seemed _something_ had to be done about it. Otherwise, Flynn would just feel miserable. And, since his near-death and when someone stole his U-haul trailer, Flynn hadn’t been taking a first step on most things. The gila was too afraid of taking a risk ever since. Even if it meant being miserable.

 

With that, the ram said only what he felt was right:

 

“You should just go and tell him, man. I mean, I know he might reject ya, but what if he’d give you a chance?”

 

Flynn blinked slowly, then his eyes shifted so he could look at Carl. His large hands now had their fingers interlocked, in front of his muzzle. The younger lizard had an unreadable expression.

 

It somewhat unnerved Carl, when Flynn did that. He never knew if he had screwed up or the gila had just been thinking. But the ram was determined to not go back now.

 

“We can be with ya, if you want. Y’know, for moral support.”

 

“I’m not a fucking kid, Carl. If I do it, I’d rather be just me and TJ.”

 

“Does that mean you’ll do it?” Carl perked up.

 

Flynn sighed. “No, that means I don’t need you stayin’ with me like if it were my first childhood crush.”

 

“That’d be cute to see, tho,” Luiz interrupted. “I can tell neither of you have any experience with that. So you could try it in many ways. You could be direct, you could just take him on hangouts just the two of ya and drop hints, test the waters… you can be crude, you can be romantic…”

 

“I can’t be romantic for shit, Luiz.” The gila frowned.

 

“No?” The tegu looked genuinely surprised, despite his eyes being hidden his ever-present mirrored aviators. Carl figured it might be part of the uniform, considering he had seen Luiz without them once or twice, when spotting him downtown during his time off.

 

“No.” Flynn confirmed.

 

“What do you kids do to get laid nowadays?” Luiz asked.

 

“Uh, we kinda just… see if we click, I guess?” Carl piped in with his best guess.

 

“Well, I chat with someone that looks good, see if they’re into it, then we fuck.” Flynn shrugged.

 

“Woah… and back in my time, I’d have to use all sorts of things when cruisin’, so people wouldn’t end up in the hospital or worse for givin’ me a hard time. Know, once they found out I’m gay. You’re lucky. Anyhow, back then, we also had to use some romanticism, even if just to, eh, ‘see if we both clicked.’”

 

“You? Romantic?” The gila looked genuinely amused. Carl couldn’t help but chuckle, despite how much he tried to hold his laughter.

 

“Yeah! It’s easy. Remember: I’ve got two dudes in the Sweatshop. One was a employee that’s not even easily available to the customers, just so you now know. And I could finish the job.”

 

Now Flynn’s smile faded. Carl could see his friend looked genuinely hurt. Luiz might have noticed that as well.

 

“Oh, _bosta_ … sorry _amigo!_ I didn’t mean to upset ya,” the older lizard said apologetically.

 

The gila just shook his head slowly. “My problem was fuckin’ up with Brendan,” he said - Carl briefly wondered who Brendan was, then concluded it was likely a booty call, “I kinda left him hangin’ there.”

 

Carl did not know which surprised him more: Flynn not being able to, at least, get physical pleasure from sex or that he seemed to be genuinely concerned for an one-night stand. Sure, Carl knew that Flynn wasn’t enjoying sex as much as he used to, but he never guessed it would come to that.

 

The tegu grinned, showing his yellowed teeth. “Hahaha! Don’t ya worry. When you left, I finished the job quickly, went to Brendan, and told him ya had broken up with a black panther just like him and I didn’t mention Brendan was also one, so it fucked with Flynn’s mind. Then I introduced him to Justin - the badger I was fuckin’ - and explained he’s rich, single and from Denver. Nature ran its course and, last I checked, they now have a joint page on fuckr.”

 

Luiz reached for his phone and seemed to look for something, before showing it to Flynn. Carl leaned in so he could see.

 

Indeed, a chubby badger held a camera and was taking a selfie of himself and a black panther right by his side. Both wore their underwears and their bulges were clear. Carl felt a slight stirring in his loins.

 

He also couldn’t help but notice the panther kinda looked like a dark, less fluffier TJ. He also noticed that Luiz appeared to be following the couple and Carl could see why, with what he could read from their profile: ‘looking for another gay couple from around Denver up to some fun with no strings attached.’

 

That did, indeed, get a chortle out of Flynn. The gila shook his head. “Heh. Is that how you can be romantic? ‘He’s rich and single - fuck him!’”

 

The older lizard pocketed his phone and crossed his arms over his chest. “Fuck, no. That was quick-thinkin’. Though I can improvise somethin’ romantic.”

 

Flynn scoffed and leaned to Carl. “I’d like to see that shit.” The ram snickered.

 

Luiz, on the other hand, sighed and walked right in front of Flynn. Carl wondered what he was about to do. The tegu took off his glasses and placed them on the front pocket of his shirt. He looked at the gila up and down, sizing him up, then smiled.

 

“Alright, let’s pretend I’m askin’ you out, ‘kay? Okay.” The tegu took a deep breath. “Flynn, since I’ve laid my eyes upon you for the first time, I was overtaken by this feeling that I could not describe. When you were near me, it felt like heaven - same as how it felt like hell when you were away. I cannot stop lookin’ at those eyes of you, shiny as mirrors and blue as the pure cloudless skies of Eden. It is as if you were the doorway to paradise _and_ paradise yourself. Your orange scales burn me with profound passion, as I wish I could just have you in my arms, yet, the way they look against your ebony scales make as if you were the perfect male, sculpted by God on hot marble - which I cannot touch without being burned by desire. Desire to have you allow me to love you, to worship your body with my hands and my mouth. To hold you in my arms and have our lips meet in a passionate kiss. Flynn… without you… I’m not complete.”

 

The tegu put his glasses back on and grinned. “How’s that?”

 

Carl was speechless. Maybe it was a little corny, but it was still impressive that the middle-aged tegu came up with that on the fly. Looking to his left, he could see Flynn’s eyes wide open like saucers, as he took in what the tegu had told him.

 

“Woah, dude,” Carl finally snickered, “if someone asked me out like that, I’d say yes!” The ram laughed again. Flynn blinked and took a deep breath.

 

“Fuck, alright, I’ll take it back. But while that shit may work for you, I suck at romance. Besides, I think Teej would know I’d be faking it.”

 

The tegu shrugged. “Alright. Then just be direct,” and he turned to Carl. “Should’ve seen the romantic shit I told Richard when askin’ him out. Goat jizzed in his pants.” Luiz chuckled.

 

“Oh, did I? And did you tell them about how you were so nervous that you stuttered, darling?” Richard’s voice came from behind Luiz. The tegu turned around and there the goat was, wearing something Carl would have never imagined he would in a million of years.

 

Not only did Richard make a very convincing woman when crossdressing (except for his goatee), his cropped shirt had something written across the chest that caught Carl’s attention:

 

“Ram Ranch really rocks?” Carl raised one eyebrow.

 

“Huh?” Richard pulled his shirt and looked at it. “Oh! Oh, yeah, it’s just because of this song about gay cowboys… but you’re a ram, so… yeah, sorry if you feel awkward, mister…”

 

“He’s Carl Hendricks. Know, of the ice cream guys?” Luiz interjected.

 

“Is that so?” Richard smiled. “I’ve met your father once. Nice man,” he turned to see Flynn, “I came here as soon as I could to tell Jenna and Tobias are arriving. That and I need to see how the business is doing in my day off.”

 

Carl could tell Flynn was also trying to assimilate his boss in drag. The gila likely never saw him wearing anything other than his business attire as well. The ram didn’t blame him: He himself would have been more shocked if he wasn’t more worried about Flynn.

 

His phone buzzed and he picked it up. It was Jenna.

 

_“We’re at the parking lot. Where are you?”_

 

“Uh, guys?” Carl showed them his phone. “They’re here.”

 

“Shit,” Flynn muttered, back to slumping forward and supporting his forehead on one hand.

 

“Well, tell them where we are, darling,” Richard spoke.

 

The ram typed his answer and sent it. True enough, in less than ten minutes, he could spot Jenna’s big ears through the crowd. Before he knew it, the fennec and TJ were finally standing before them.

 

Flynn and TJ greeted each other. Carl noticed the lynx rubbed his arms and seemed nervous, while the gila idly rubbed at the back of his head, both avoiding eye contact with each other.

 

The silence was starting to feel awkward. Eventually, it was too much, and Carl stood up.

 

“Uh, I need to go to the bathroom, you can sit here, Teej.”

 

The ram squeezed Flynn’s shoulder and tried to smile reassuringly to him. The gila scowled in return, then slumped forward, his elbows on his legs, and kept his stare directed at the polished floor. Carl could not help but sigh and hope for the best as he walked off, legs trembling, despite his best attempt to act natural.

 

He did not walk much and his ears twitched - someone was running towards him. He turned around and it was Luiz and Richard.

 

“Come! I know a nice spot to spy on them,” Richard whispered in a rush and led them to a corner behind a store, in front of a service door.

 

Carl could see Flynn and TJ’s faces. He also saw Jenna saying something and walking more or less towards their direction. Sure enough, she eventually noticed them. The ram motioned for her to come.

 

Jenna struggled a little to try and pick a good spot, and Carl noticed the short fennec was on the tip of her feet in order to see. Her ears standing at attention.

 

TJ and Flynn were talking. They were laughing at something, but they would quickly grow silent and look away from each other, with longer pauses between their conversation.

 

Then, unexpectedly, Jenna turned around with a somewhat indignant expression and Carl gulped.

 

“Did you know they were infatuated for each other all this time?” Asked Jenna, her jaw clenched tight.

 

“Uhm, actually… no. I was just gonna tell ya to watch them. But since you didn’t ask anything, I figured…” It was true. Carl couldn’t help but smile apologetically and, much to his relief, Jenna chuckled.

 

After a brief moment of silence, he added: “I did know only about Flynn’s side, obviously.”

 

Jenna replied with a distracted ‘mhm’ and a slight nod of her head.

 

Though he did understand her problem if he knew about both. It would have made things much easier.

 

Flynn and TJ were still sporadically chatting. All this expectation was making Carl anxious. Something in his gut told him that it would be the day. Well, he at least hoped so - he knew that could be wrong.

 

With the same situation going on without any developments, the ram looked at both Richard and Luiz. Despite knowing this was not the moment, he tried to ease his anxiety - both for his friends and for being with unknown people so close to him - with small talk. 

 

He decided to try the goat first, being slightly more well-acquainted with the tegu, so he felt more at ease with the older lizard. That and he was curious about something he noticed about his slim build and face.

 

“So… uhm, Richard, right? I don’t wanna sound like a prick, but, uh, are you asian?”

 

“What?” The goat looked down at him, then smiled. “Half. My mother, Yoko, was japanese. I suppose it helps me look like a convincing female. Like an _otokonoko._ ”

 

“What’s an _‘otokoloco’_?”

 

“ _O-to-ko-no-ko_ , Carl,” Jenna spoke, “it’s kinda of a crossdressing subculture of Japan, though not really LGBT. There are straight people who crossdress, wear makeup, etcetera,” she turned to face Richard, her ears splaying slightly, before going back to standing alert - as if she feared to be wrong, “is that right?”

 

“Pretty much, yes. Only I just say I’m a crossdresser. I’m not trans and I am _definitely_ not straight, darlings,” the goat spoke.

 

“Hey, somethin’s happening!” Jenna spoke. They all turned back to look at their friends by the fountain.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

His heart had been pumping faster than it ever had, and Flynn also felt slightly dizzy. If anything, he never felt this anxious before and only twice in his life he had felt more afraid than right now.

 

Eventually, TJ stopped the small talk and the gila’s gut feeling told him the lynx was about to drop the bomb on him. Jenna likely figured it out and told him. Or Luiz had gossiped to someone who told it to TJ. In either way, somebody told the lynx about his infatuation with him.

 

“Uh, Flynn… there’s something I want to say…”

 

TJ’s ears kept splaying and the lynx would force them back up. Flynn shuddered and licked his lips.

 

“Yes?”

 

He could see the lynx swallowing and his mouth opening and closing. _‘He wants to let me down gently,’_ Flynn thought.

 

“I’ve been thinking, would you like to… well, would you like to get dinner with me?”

 

_Wait, what?_

 

The gila blinked, stunned. TJ held a forced smile to him, but he could see the corners of the lynx’s shiny black lips trembling, same as his hard effort to keep his ears perked up. His eyes open wide, like a kid hoping to get on their birthday what they had begged their parents for during the whole year.

 

Eventually, it dawned on Flynn he had to respond.

 

“Uh, like, just you and me? The two of us? Like a date or somethin’?”

 

TJ blinked a few times, ears drooping and some tears welling in the corners of his eyes. “It’s… it’s okay if you don’t want. I mean… It’s just a dinner, nothing more. I mean, I’m… I’m…” the lynx swallowed hard, his voice trembled, “forget it, I’m sorry.” The lynx tried to fight back his tears.

 

Flynn licked his lips again. “No! No, I mean…” He had reached for TJ as he protested, but the lynx recoiled a little, likely because the gila had raised his voice. “I mean, fuck, Teej… I’d like to.” He smiled.

 

The lynx let out a breath in relief and wiped his eyes with the back of his paws. “Really?” He smiled hopefully. “You’re not saying that just-”

 

“No,” Flynn cut him off, “I’m glad you feel the same.”

 

“So, do you mean that,” TJ cleaned his throat and took a long sniffle, as he stopped crying, “you would like to… get dinner with me?”

 

The gila smiled in a more genuine manner. “Yes. Really. I’d like...” 

 

‘Goddammit, Flynn, say it now or never!’ He thought

 

“I’d like to go on a date with you, Toby.” The gila wrapped his arm around TJ’s shoulder. The smaller male allowed him, leaning slightly against the tall lizard’s body for a brief moment. They looked at each other’s eyes and Flynn felt like the weight of the whole world had been lifted from him.

 

He slowly leaned in, and TJ seemed to do the same at first, before finally looking down.

 

“I’m sorry, it’s just… uh, sorry… I’m kinda uncomfortable with kissing…” He looked like he was going to cry again.

 

“It’s… it’s alright,” Flynn tried to reassure him. To be honest, the gila was disappointed, but he figured it would be better to not press TJ about it.

 

He could always ask Jenna for help now.

 

“But I don’t mind if we hug or cuddle…” Now TJ’s cheeks flushed a little under his fur. Flynn smiled, and TJ smiled back.

 

Slowly, as if testing waters, Flynn wrapped his arms around TJ and, slowly, he felt the furry arms of the lynx wrapping around his reptilian body. TJ rested his face on the gila’s chest, and the lizard decided to rest his muzzle over the soft and fuzzy fur of the feline’s head. TJ nuzzled against his chest.

 

And, for once in Flynn’s life, everything felt alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ship has... not sailed yet!
> 
> After all, only one of them has ever been to anything resembling a date. And it was a total disaster.


	20. Now What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ finally asked Flynn out - even if it was more or less by impulse - and is happy that he did not get rejected.
> 
> But with that out of the way, TJ's thoughts focus on other issues, as well as where to go with his newfound near-relationship now.

**Now What?**

 

TJ had no idea how long they spent wrapped in each other’s arms. The lynx took in the smell of Flynn’s natural musk mixed with the faint hint of cologne - the gila likely had been sweating earlier - and enjoyed the slightly cooler temperature of Flynn’s chest against his face.

 

Then, he heard someone clapping. He felt Flynn unwrapping his arms from their embrace and TJ pulled back confused. Their friends and Flynn’s bosses stood there. Jenna held her phone up, while Carl just had an ear-to-ear grin plastered on his muzzle, hands moving to the pockets of his sleeveless hoodie - it was likely him that had been clapping, considering Richard had his arms crossed and Luiz had one hand busy with a half-eaten churro.

 

Feeling his cheeks and ears hot, Tobias knew he was blushing. He looked up at Flynn, who held a grimace and crossed his arms at them.

 

“Aw, come on, guys, that was cute.” Carl spoke first. Jenna leaned to his side and showed him her phone.

 

“Good thing I captured this moment,” her smile seemed genuine as well, and it made TJ feel better. While, as of his return, her interactions with Flynn seemed to be much more friendly, he still held some apprehension about how she would perceive a possible relationship with him. And no amount of reassurance would ease his fears.

 

It then dawned on him: He just invited Flynn for a date and the gila agreed. That didn’t really mean much. Sure, Flynn had tried to kiss him, but his mind jumped back to when Chase tried the same and he just couldn’t do it.

 

Swallowing, Tobias feared that he might have screwed it up now. He stole a glance at Flynn. The gila appeared to be neutral, considering his default expression for years was a hint of sneer.

 

“Well,” Richard clapped his hands, “I suppose we’re done here. Let’s go to the office, Chief Maldonado. I still want to see your plans before I head home.”

 

Luiz shoved the other half of the churro in his maw, chewed a couple of times and swallowed, then nodded. “Sure thing, boss.” He licked his lips and followed the goat away, both disappearing into the crowd of mall-goers.

 

“So… you guys wanna hang out?” Carl was the first to ask. Flynn shrugged.

 

“Why not?”

 

“So what are we going to do?” Jenna asked as she placed her phone inside her purse.

 

“I’ve seen a poster showing Infinity War 2 will start at four,” Carl said, “we might be able to catch it.”

 

“I’m not very fond of superhero movies,” Jenna shrugged. “I was hoping we would get to watch Tears in Heaven - it’s an adaptation from a manga into a drama about a man who leaves prison, his son leaves the orphanage, they meet in Tokyo, and the father dies of tuberculosis, and-”

 

“Woah, what a fuckin’ wholesome flick to entertain us, eh, Jenna?” Flynn deadpanned.

 

Carl laughed. “If they allowed people to talk in the movies, I’d agree with this one, just so we’d get to see Flynn riffing it.”

 

“Alright, yeah, I admit it’s not exactly everyone’s cup of tea,” Jenna said.

 

“We could just go for a comedy?” TJ suggested.

 

“Why don’t we just go to the damn theater and see what’s on, then we think about it?” Flynn proposed. They all agreed.

 

On the way, TJ’s busied his mind with what would it be from now on. He couldn’t help but notice Flynn had been walking much closer to him now. He wanted to grab the gila’s large hand, but resisted that urge and idly wondered if it was the same for Flynn.

 

The gila had been discussing ways to slash down their electricity bill with Jenna. The fennec argued that, instead of just not using the heat when he could wrap himself in his blankets, they could shut most of the house’s lights off. Both she and TJ had better night vision, and Flynn didn’t even go to the back of the apartment, at her and TJ’s rooms, so it would work.

 

That made Tobias stop in his tracks for a second, before continuing to move so nobody would notice. Flynn not going to his room? How would it work? They lived in the same apartment. He looked again at Flynn.

 

He acknowledged it felt nice that time he decided to lie down by Flynn on the futon. His heart was racing then and, to be frank with himself, he had been a bit scared. Yet, he had decided to do what his therapist said and face his fears. In the end, he fell asleep and the only thing that had happened, was that the gila covered him with a blanket before sleeping himself. TJ felt the corners of his lips tugging into a smile.

 

But while he thought it was alright to sleep with Flynn, he didn’t feel like it would be alright to  _ sleep with _ Flynn - or anyone for that matter. The thought actually stressed him. Not just because how little he knew about sex, but also because, well… he himself pictured his first time as something way different.

 

That and, as sad as it was, he did not trust Flynn enough for that. He hoped Richard was right and the gila would understand.

 

He also knew he should actually specify when, where and what they’d go for that date. It was too late to start that Sunday without having to rush everything.

 

“TJ?” Jenna’s voice brought him back to reality, and TJ shook his head slightly, ears perking up at attention as he looked at his friends. It was clear they had asked him something.

 

“Sorry, I was distracted. What was it?”

 

“She asked if you’d be fine with watching ‘American Comedy IV,’ but I dunno if crude humor’s your cup of tea. But it’s either that or ‘Evil Doll III,’ and we know you’re not fond of horror flicks.”

 

Tobias blinked. “Oh? Uh, well, I can go with either, it’ll be fine.”

 

“Really?” Flynn raised one of his scaly brows.

 

“Yes, really!” TJ smiled in reassurance.

 

Jenna and Flynn exchanged a look, and the gila shrugged. “American Comedy it is,” she concluded as they walked into the small theater to get their tickets.

 

Well, he would be watching a crude comedy with 30 years olds actors pretending to be virgin teenagers. Indeed, toilet and sexual humor were not exactly his kind of thing. But, hey, he could space out during the movie and think of the problem at hand.

 

That and, maybe, the movie itself could help him get a little more comfortable with sexual matters. The lynx reached for his small cross, rubbing his soft paw pads on it, before discreetly removing it and placing it inside his wallet.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


As predicted, the movie was sub-par.

 

Still, TJ had to be honest with himself that both the movie itself had its moments, and he enjoyed spending the hour with his friends. Even though talking was rude, Flynn would sometimes lean towards him and half-whisper a comment about this or that scene and make the lynx fight to hold back his laughter.

 

Eventually, the short movie ended and they left the theater, Carl quoting his favourite scenes while TJ and his friends chuckled. Tobias had to admit it was also nice to see the ram so upbeat. All of them, really. He recalled how hard they were trying back in Echo to look like they were enjoying their time.

 

His smile faltered. TJ had given up on trying to avoid thinking about Echo. No point. And he could say that the bitter aftertaste of their stay there in 2015 still ruined the sweetness of the moment.

 

TJ chuckled to himself: He was becoming philosophical.

 

“Hey, Teej,” Flynn’s voice brought the feline’s musings to an end, “what happened to that cross you wear?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“I’m sure you were wearing it when you showed up. Did it fall somewhere?”

 

Now everyone stopped and looked at the lynx. His ears lowered from the attention.

 

“Uhm, no, I just put it in my wallet… to not lose it.”

 

He tried to avoid eye contact, but briefly caught a glimpse of Jenna. She gave him only the barest hint of a nod and TJ was grateful that she had not told them about why he removed it. He also was thankful for Flynn not pushing the issue, even though his excuse was obviously a lie.

 

TJ knew it was silly, but he still did not feel comfortable wearing it while his mind had been in the gutter. Even if he had been much brief in his prayers before sleeping as of late. Or saying grace more to keep appearances than out of genuine gratitude.

 

As painful as it sounded, Tobias knew he was starting to question his faith.

 

Sure, he had not been turned away by Flynn and all of them were relatively stable for now. But he still questioned his beliefs whenever Echo came to mind. It was hard to believe an all-kind, all-powerful God would allow what had happened there to be. Or what had happened with other people.

 

The lynx knew about the darker side of religion, but had never personally heard about it. He had a vague idea that Sydney’s parents weren’t as nice as they seemed to be. And that Flynn distanced himself from religion for his own reasons. But it wasn’t until he spoke to Flynn’s boss that he heard in detail how it was. And, once again, the thought came to him:

 

What kind of God would let children suffer like that?

 

He prayed for an answer, but since 2015, he only had silence. Sometimes, it was as if there was no one to hear.

 

Maybe because really there was no God.

 

TJ involuntarily let out a low, pained whine and Flynn immediately stopped walking again.

 

“Are you alright, TJ?” The gila asked.

 

“I… I’m fine,” he forced a smile, his ears almost perking up fully, “just thinkin’...”

 

“If it’s about the date, don’t sweat it. I don’t need ya to treat me with some fancy shit. Anywhere that has a decent fish or salads will do,” the gila forced a smile back at him.

 

The younger male chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he reached a hand to gently pat Flynn in the back. It was less to reassure the lizard, and more because he really felt better touching the gila.

 

They continued to walk again, his friends busy talking amongst themselves. TJ knew they likely figured his silence was due him being anxious. In a way, they were right - but not about  _ what _ had made him nervous.

 

He figured he would try and talk to Richard sometime. See how the goat kept his faith.

 

TJ realized his cross was still in his wallet. He did not really want to put it back on. He felt uncomfortable wearing the symbol of his faith while questioning the existence of God.

 

Still, he fished the leather wallet and retrieved it. TJ had appearances to keep, after all. He did not want to give his friends a reason to worry.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


One hour later, TJ found himself sitting on the futon right beside Flynn. While it was big enough for three, Jenna opted to sit on a nearby chair and they half-watched Jeopardy.

 

TJ once in a while stole a glance at Flynn. The gila sometimes looked back at him, his expression curious, but then the lynx would avoid eye contact.

 

He was nervous. Should he lean on Flynn? What should they talk about? Should Flynn wrap one arm around him?

 

With a discreet look at Jenna, Tobias could tell that the vixen wouldn’t be able to help. She had been busy on her phone - likely talking with Carla and that Beatrice person.

 

Looking at Jenna on her phone, the lynx had an idea. Last time he had been on a date, he had asked Chase for help. Obviously, he wouldn’t feel comfortable with that now. Carl had no real experience. And messaging Jenna would make Flynn suspicious if the gila noticed the timing of the sent and received text messages’ alert sounds.

 

Blowing some air and feigning boredom, TJ scrolled down through his contact list for Richard.

 

Giving a little thought before composing his message, the lynx opted to be a direct:

 

_ “Good evening, Richard. I need help. Flynn and I are sitting on the futon watching jeopardy. What do I do? Not comfortable with kissing yet. Will living together make it awkward?” _

 

His blue eyes briefly flickered to Flynn. The gila rested his head on his right fist, looking at the TV and clearly bored. The lynx sent the message.

 

His phone buzzed and TJ’s heart skipped a beat. Flynn briefly looked at him, before going back to half-watch the television. Tobias picked his phone up to read the answer.

 

_ “Evening! And yes, could be a bit awkward. Don’t worry, darling. Just act natural - it’s the same Flynn.” _

 

TJ’s phone buzzed again with another text from Richard:

 

_ “It’s good to actually  _ be _ a friend to your partner, not just a lover. You can lean on him if you want to and he’s okay with that.” _

 

_ “Okay, thank you! Good night and God bless!” _ TJ texted and pocketed his phone, briefly looking at Flynn. The lizard was still distracted.

 

TJ sighed and leaned to his right to scratch an non-existent itch on his left thigh, before straightening himself again, now a couple of inches closer to Flynn.

 

“Know,” Flynn briefly looked at TJ, then back at the TV, “I wonder if they make a point to pick the most retarded people they can find for these shows or if that’s all fake and these people are paid to fuck up and lose.”

 

Tobias’ ears splayed briefly and he pouted. “You shouldn’t use the R-word,” he said, more as a request than if he were giving the gila a command. He scooted a little closer and briefly looked at Jenna. The fennec had her ears up, but soon her phone made the characteristic noise of incoming messages on Muzzlebook and the fennec went back to focus her attention returned to it.

 

“Pssh, fine,” Flynn shrugged, “it just pisses me off to see all those fucking idiots fumbling up that sort of shit. ‘Who discovered America?’ ‘Duuuuur, Neil Armstrong?’ Bah.”

 

By now, TJ was halfway through the futon. Just a few more inches and he could comfortably lean against the gila’s shoulder. The lynx licked his lips and scooted a little closer.

 

And Flynn flickered his eyes to him. The lynx froze as he got spotted.

 

It could have been TJ’s imagination, but the gila briefly exhaled a small breath and showed a brief smirk, before turning his attention back to the TV while wrapping his left arm around the lynx and gently pulling him closer, so he leaned on the lizard’s shoulder.

 

TJ blinked for a few moments, letting it all sink in, then he could not resist the urge to smile, nuzzling at Flynn’s shoulder and taking a deep breath in satisfaction, pleased to still catch some of Flynn’s male scent after they had been walking for most of their afternoon.

 

He had never figured he’d like that. Had someone told him five or so years back that he would be enjoying the slight musk a sweaty person exhaled, he would be thoroughly disgusted. Yet, now, Tobias realized it did not equal dirt or lack of hygiene.

 

Flynn was one of the cleanest people he knew.

 

And he had to admit that, back at the diner in Echo, he did…

 

_ “No, don’t think about that, Tobias,” _ the lynx thought to himself with a slight frown, then nuzzled slightly against the gila again. He briefly looked towards the chair Jenna sat and noticed the fennec had been gone. His ears twitched as they picked the sound of her bedroom door closing.

 

Feeling Flynn’s large hand gently raking the fur of his neck, especially the fluff near his cheeks, made TJ humm in satisfaction. He briefly looked up and the gila looked down at him, blinking slowly. There was a hint of a smile on his scaly lips and TJ took it as a sign he could be more open about it.

 

He put his feet over the couch and laid his head on the gila’s legs. Flynn briefly frowned, hand frozen in the air and TJ feared that he had overdone it, before the lizard’s smile returned and he lowered his hand, moving to stroke between the feline’s ears.

 

“I bet she’s squeeing like a fucking schoolgirl in her bedroom,” Flynn broke the silence. TJ couldn’t help but chuckle and nod in agreement.

 

“Know, Teej… we still need to set up that date…” Flynn said, one of his short claws briefly catching a bump on TJ’s skin and gently scratching it. The lynx let him, as it wasn’t hurting and, ultimately, the gila removed it and gave it a look: it was just a small leaf. The gila flicked it away and continued to pet the young feline.

 

“Yeah… but I don’t know where we’ll go, I mean… it was just a spur of the moment thing,” TJ gestured with his paw as he spoke.

 

Flynn shrugged. “It’s alright. You know I’m not gonna demand ya to take me to some fancy restaurant and all that shit.”

 

“Uh, I’ll keep that in mind,” TJ said. If he had to be frank, the lynx had his doubts: One of the few things he could recall from Flynn was that the gila had  _ always _ liked fancy cooking. He had heard Flynn grumbling here and there before about his lack of a decent paycheck to get the best ingredients for his recipes - even though his cooking on a budget was still good.

 

Deciding to leave that issue for later that week, the lynx just contented himself with being pet by Flynn. The gila’s hand felt surprisingly good stroking his soft fur.

 

Eventually, TJ was nearly asleep, when Flynn gently patted his head.

 

“It’s late. I know I have two weeks off, but don’t you have work tomorrow?”

 

TJ sighed. “Yeah…”

 

With that, the young lynx sat up and yawned, stretching his limbs. He looked at Flynn, unsure what to say.

 

Should he kiss the gila goodnight? He didn’t feel comfortable with that still. And now he had been looking at Flynn long enough to make it awkward. TJ forced himself to look at the clock mounted on the wall behind the television.

 

“Well… I think I’ll go take my shower and go to bed. Good night and sleep well, Flynn.” Tobias smiled and stood up. Flynn briefly returned it and got up as well, standing right in front of the lynx.

 

Their smiles started to fade and TJ knew Flynn probably wanted to kiss him. If he had to be honest with himself, TJ would have liked to sleep on the futon with him again. But he knew it would be cruel to Flynn. It was a necessary evil for him to cut contact now so they could both enjoy it later.

 

Still, he gave in to his urge to wrap his arms around the tall lizard. Flynn returned in kind and TJ felt the gila’s muzzle gently press between his ears. He could have been mistaken, but the lizard had given the top of his head a very gentle kiss.

 

He did not mind it.

 

After they broke up, Flynn just nodded and said ‘night’, before setting up to unfold the futon so he could sleep. In the meantime, TJ quickly retreated to his bedroom in order to pick his pajamas and a towel to take his shower.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


It was during his shower that TJ could do his thinking in peace. As he poured some of the liquid soap on his paws and rubbed them to make enough suds so he could lather his body, his mind was allowed to dwell in his problems.

 

In the end, mechanic actions were good for something.

 

Right now, the lynx tried to think on what to do about his date. His discomfort with some kinds of intimacy, for some reason, he was confident that he could get over in time.

 

_ ‘Maybe therapy was indeed working as it was intended to,’ _ TJ thought in amusement.

 

Still, said therapy put a huge dent on his budget. Combining with the fact the team he worked for was about to go under, it meant things were still uncertain. He didn’t want to risk Flynn having to brace through both his insecurities and a date in some place the gila didn’t like.

 

In a way, he now regretted asking him if he wanted to go get dinner.

 

The lynx rinsed the water off his fur. It was no good: He was almost finished with his shower and he still did not think of a solution.

 

He could try praying, but he doubted that it would do any good. If he had to be honest with himself, divine intervention had not helped him with much, much bigger problems, so it would be ridiculous if, suddenly, God decided to help him with such small matters.

 

_ If there was any God to speak of, that is. _

 

TJ sighed and touched his forehead on the wet, cold shower wall of the shower stall. He did not like that kind of thought, but he had to admit it was harder and harder to ignore it. Deep down, he still wanted to keep his faith. He wanted to believe. He wanted to have something bigger than himself to hold on to.

 

But it was so difficult to not have his doubts as of late.

 

He recalled the last time he thought about this kind of issue while showering, and how hard he cried over it. It felt like a long time ago. It was an odd feeling: The anguish was the same, but he didn’t feel like crying anymore.

 

Did that mean he got used to feeling that pain? That was a depressing notion to TJ.

 

Then again, he was aware that he suffered from depression.

 

He had figured back at the mall that he could always ask Richard how the goat kept his faith intact. Richard did not sound like a zealot. And definitely did not act the part. TJ wondered how that goat was so comfortable with his preferences, his religion, and the knowledge of - at best - God’s indifference to the suffering of innocents.

 

However, TJ was a little afraid of annoying the older man. Tobias, and perhaps Flynn, had asked both Richard and Luiz so much help already, that it wouldn’t be without reason to think both middle-aged men already had their fill with their mundane problems.

 

Turning the water off and reaching for his towel, TJ frowned. He knew that he should try to get help. Maybe he would also try and approach Carla and Jenna as well.

 

He was aware that, maybe, he had missed a lot in his life due his fear of taking a risk.

 

And, with that realization, the lynx felt empowered in a way he had never felt. It wasn’t the kind of perverse pride he felt when he had been rude to Carl during that little ‘Never Have I Ever’ game they played. It was actual confidence.

 

It was hope. Now the false hope, born out of faith or despair, but actual hope.

 

The lynx sighed and smiled briefly, before realizing he had still not apologized to Carl about that. And about pushing him back at the beach. Even though it was mostly gone, the ram still had a very subtle hint of a limp. Maybe nobody else noticed but, as a physiotherapist, TJ could see it very well. And it pained him a little whenever he saw Carl.

 

_ Maybe there was a God, and my distress had been penance for being capable of such evil? _

 

TJ shook his head at the thought, his fur nearly dry now. He knew that now he was grasping at straws  _ and _ being stupid about it.

 

Now the lynx was dry and dressed himself in his white and light-blue PJs. He opened the door and looked outside. It was dark, but Flynn stood there, towel slung over his shoulder, his typical boxer-and-tank top combo held in his hand.

 

The lynx smiled and gave him a brief hug. “Good night, Flynn, again,” TJ snickered.

 

“‘Night, Teej.” The lizard hesitated before returning the hug and briefly nuzzling him. After that, Flynn slipped into the bathroom and closed the door.

 

Now alone, TJ walked to his bedroom in the dark, automatically going through his routine of plugging his phone on its charger and praying before sleep.

 

Tobias figured that, even though he still had been neck-deep in a crisis of faith, it didn’t hurt to try. Who knows, maybe someone up there would listen.


	21. Life Goes On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, Flynn expected things to be a little different now TJ knows how he feels. Yet, everything seems to be going as normal.
> 
> Having no idea how to spend time alone during his first day of vacation, the gila also learns by accident he can advance his career - and is determined to help his friends once he learns of their own difficulties at work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coincidentally, I'm on vacation myself - so I am rapid-firing these chapters so the people who like this fic will have what to read once my bf gets here and I turn my attention to him XP
> 
> Edit 1: Fixed a few grammar errors.
> 
> Edit 2: Decided to change a line in Flynn's monologue to reflect his ambiguous preference during sex. Points to Delphy for spotting it out for me.

**Life Goes On**

 

Flynn woke up with the sounds of his roommates going about their morning routine - specifically, with the sound of cutlery falling on the floor. The gila yawned and stretched, turning around so he could face the kitchen - or what he could of it with the futon armrest covering half of his vision - without having to get up. The gila was determined to get plenty of rest for his first day of vacation.

 

Even though he had woken up five in the morning as usual, despite his alarm being off.

 

From what he could tell, Jenna was in the bathroom, likely showering, and TJ gave him a deer-in-headlights look, one hand holding up the small butter knife he had been using to spread jam on his toasts and he had just retrieved from the floor. Flynn blinked lazily and he saw the lynx forcing an apologetic smile.

 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up,” TJ started. The lizard put on the hint of a smile and chuckled lazily.

 

“Tis’ alright, Teej… I was already half-awake anyway,” Flynn said.

 

Then, with a deep breath, Flynn sat up and yawned. He scratched his hip idly and watched as TJ got up and put his knife in the sink. As much as he wish it wouldn’t happen, his vision trailed lower, through the lynx’s small but somewhat athletic frame and to the short tail typical of his kind.

 

Once he heard his boss telling him he liked to look and play with people’s tails - especially mammals and avians. Although Flynn found it silly, he could understand the tegu’s perspective: TJ’s short tail was cute.

 

And so was his ass. It looked to be just the right amount of firm and supple. The gila wondered how would it feel to grab it with his hands.

 

Flynn usually ended up bottoming - though not always by choice. However, he did enjoy the moments where he got to fuck another male. He could tell TJ would likely be an enjoyable guy to do so... he was probably tight.

 

In the end of the day, as long as he had some action, it didn't matter if he topped or bottomed.

 

The lynx turned around and went back to the table. Flynn’s eyes flickered to the side, as if he were trying to see the time on the microwave display. TJ sat down and resumed eating his toasts.

 

The gila now looked back at the lynx, his gaze going down to the white shorts he wore to work. TJ had a noticeable bulge, but Flynn knew from experience the lynx wasn’t hard. No. That thing was that big while in its sheath. It made the gila wonder just how well-endowed the lynx was, or if he was just a shower.

 

Sighing inwardly, Flynn decided to stop staring. TJ would notice it and things would get awkward. Instead, he leaned against the armrest of the futon, propping himself up on his left elbow.

 

“So, do you want me to drive ya to work today?”

 

TJ replied with an ‘hm’ and held his large handpaw up, signaling for him to wait, while he chewed his toast faster and swallowed. He washed it down with a bit of milk, then licked his lips.

 

 _‘Heh, Toby’s so fuckin’ adorable.’_ Flynn couldn’t resist the desire to smile at what he saw.

 

“Not really. I mean, I’d like if you did it, but we’re early today, Jenna and I. She’ll take me close and I’ll just walk the last two blocks. Some of the players live around that area, so we’ll get there together,” the lynx smiled as he finished answering.

 

“Alright,” was all Flynn could think. So, it meant he would be alone at home.

 

He had already cleaned the apartment earlier that week, and they had paid the bills.

 

Carl had classes for most of the day, so Flynn could only risk asking if he’d be willing to hang out at late afternoon.

 

It then dawned on him that he had absolutely no idea what he would do. He did not know anywhere decent to fish nearby. His friends were busy, he didn’t have enough cash to have fun in the town, and there wasn’t much to do in Pueblo anyway.

 

The gila briefly considered going to the mall, but discarded the idea: if he showed up during his vacation to nag his boss, it would be weird. That and Flynn was positive that the tegu would run out of patience with him very soon.

 

Flynn concluded that he would wait for them to leave and lie back down, then think about what to do. He still would show up to work out at the security company’s HQ at night, that’s for sure. It had been ages since Flynn had so much free time and did not know what to do with it.

 

Eventually, Jenna left the bathroom drying her large ears. Flynn and her made eye contact and greeted each other, before the fennec moved to her room, likely to get her purse. Meanwhile, TJ had already put away the dirty dishes and the remnants of their breakfast back in the fridge. The lynx now walked to the futon and it took all of Flynn’s self control to not stare at his crotch.

 

 _‘Goddammit, I feel like a fucking high-school kid,’_ Flynn thought.

 

“So, I’ve been thinking… do you think it’d be alright to get dinner Saturday?” The lynx asked with a smile.

 

The lizard knew TJ set it for the end of the week to buy time. Likely, he was still worried about where to take Flynn, despite how much he had reassured the younger man the previous day that anywhere would do.

 

“Sure, it’s fine by me,” Flynn said with a smile of his own. He noticed TJ seemed to relax - he really had been putting effort on this date, it seemed.

 

“Say,” the gila decided to try and talk with TJ. It wasn’t easy, considering how much of his life had revolved around Sydney’s death. The lynx looked at him with his ears perked up and Flynn knew he had to say something, otherwise he’d just look stupid, not being able to talk with TJ.

 

This whole relationship thing was tougher than he thought.

 

“I was thinking… you mentioned that the team you’ve been workin’ is going bust. Have you thought about what you’re gonna do next?”

 

_Nice subject, Flynn. Might as well go ahead and talk about the time you grabbed and dragged him into your truck._

 

TJ, as predicted, dropped his smile and slumped his shoulders a little. “I don’t know… I could try to get a job with Pueblo Central or Pueblo Southside… or see if there’s any physiotherapy clinic hiring. I’m not really sure.”

 

It was then when it dawned on Flynn. He could give Toby a hand - even if it meant testing the patience and good will of his boss. The question was: Would it be worth it, to risk Luiz’s good will by asking for yet another favor from him?

 

For TJ, yes, it would.

 

“I asked ‘cause I may talk to Luiz, see if he can convince Richard to see what can be done to help ya. I mean, why not? They’re both well-connected…” Flynn trailed off, then forced a smile. “If ya want it, that is.”

 

The lynx’s ears perked up and he briefly flashed a hopeful smile, before his expression became more cautious. “You think they’d be okay with that?” he asked.

 

Flynn shrugged. “Shit, what would that cost them? It’s just a matter of them thinkin’ about all the people they know and if they can help ya somehow. I don’t think they’d object to help you like that.”

 

At least, the gila hoped so.

 

“Thank you for worrying about me,” TJ briefly hugged the lizard’s upper torso. With Flynn sitting down on the futon, he was only one head shorter than TJ, so he could return the gesture without having to bend himself.

 

It was then where Jenna walked in. She wore her usual semi-formal outfit she always put on for work. The vixen also had a wry smile that made Flynn uneasy, almost ashamed.

 

Deep down, he knew it was silly to be shy about that, but he couldn’t help it.

 

TJ pulled from the hug and Flynn cleared his throat. “Don’t get any ideas. It’s just a hug.”

 

“Sure it is,” the fennec grinned and walked to TJ, keys in hand. “Let’s go,” she said.

 

The lynx nodded and turned back to Flynn, hugging him briefly. “See you later, Flynn,” was all he said.

 

“Have a good one, Teej. Jenna.” The gila answered and the fennec gave him a short nod, before walking out of the door, TJ in tow.

 

Once the door closed, Flynn let himself fall on his back, over the semi-rigid surface of the futon. He sighed and tried to think what he would do.

 

And hoped he would find a way to cope with his growing desire to fuck (and to be fucked by) TJ.

 

With a grunt, the gila knew chances were he would soon get up and take one of those showers where he kept one hand busy while thinking about the young feline. He hadn’t jerked off that much since he had been fifteen.

 

Maybe he really needed to risk annoying his boss by asking him how he’d cope, back before he and Richard were officially a thing.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Flynn pulled his truck at the shopping mall’s parking lot and killed the engine. Luiz wasn’t outside smoking, so he figured his best bet would have to be asking one of his fellow guards where he could find the tegu.

 

Hopefully, he wouldn’t be on ‘Big Brother duty’ that day. Flynn knew employees on vacation couldn’t enter the employees-only areas, so the CCTV room would be off-limits.

 

His truck door’s was getting harder to lock and the gila briefly thought about the dent fixing that would put on his small paycheck. In times like these, having Leo around would have been good. Though they haven’t been on good terms with each other since that week the old gang reunited in Echo.

 

While Flynn acknowledged he may had been an asshole to TJ and the others at some point - though Chase definitely deserved it - the thought of the shit he got from Leo made the gila decide he wouldn’t ask the wolf for help even if he offered to do it for free.

 

The mall was more empty than usual, but Flynn knew it was that way every Monday before lunch break. He looked for his boss or any of his colleagues, and spotted Angelo, the eight-feet tall elephant.

 

Angelo briefly raised his brow in surprise, before his eyes squinted in a hint of a smile. It was hard to see, considering the elephant’s trunk covered his mouth. Flynn approached him and they shook hands.

 

“‘Sup, Flynn. I thought you wouldn’t show up, bein’ on vacation and all,” the elephant said.

 

The gila shrugged. “Eh, not much to do in this town anyway. Have you seen Luiz?”

 

Had it been almost anyone else, Flynn would have been obligated to ask about how he had been and make up some small conversation before getting to ask what he wanted. But, thankfully, Angelo was not much for chitchat and also preferred to always get to the point soon.

 

“Hm? Last I saw him, he was on the other side of the building, making sure horny teenagers wouldn’t do anythin’ naughty in the bathrooms. Hehe.” The elephant told him in amusement, his chuckle never failing to be intimidating with how deep his voice was. He probably did that by accident.

 

“Alright. Thanks.”

 

Angelo waved with his trunk, one hand on the pocket of his uniform pants and the other holding his phone. “Anytime, Flynn.”

 

Truly enough, Luiz was standing on the spot between the male and female public restrooms, looking grumpy despite his mirrored shades covering his eyes. Once in a while, he would shift his weight from one foot to another.

 

The tegu’s mouth contorted into a frown as he spotted Flynn, and he crossed his arms. He didn’t seem to be in a good mood and it put Flynn on edge.

 

Before the gila could say anything, the older lizard spoke:

 

“Boy, with the way you keep pesterin’ me even durin’ yer break, one would think ya have no life. Whaddya want?”

 

He said that in a thick, forced southern accent that he used whenever he tried to get a rise out of Flynn during his first few months at work, despite the fact that, as an Arizonan, the gila did not fit the hick stereotype.

 

“Look, Luiz… I want to ask you something.”

 

The tegu raised one eye ridge. “I could imagine. Likely somethin’ important if you didn’t do it over phone. What’s it, _amigo_?”

 

Silently thanking his luck for Luiz to drop his stupid ‘southern hick’ impersonation and treat his issues seriously, the gila asked:

 

“Back before you and Richard were a couple. I mean, even before you were dating… did you often daydream about fucking him?”

 

Luiz grinned. “Why, are you daydreamin’ of fuckin’ Richard? Don’t blame you. I do that all the time.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Flynn acknowledged Luiz was doing his whole ‘pretending to be dumb’ shit to mess with him. Flynn glared at the older lizard with his arms crossed and Luiz chuckled.

 

“Well, I know what you mean. The problem is… your case seems to be more of an infatuation only partially born from lust. Otherwise, you’d be alright by now, after I got ya to get railed by half of the faggots in the county,” the tegu laughed, but Flynn did not find that funny - his failures were actually deeply embarrassing. Luiz did not seem to care and went on: “you see, my case with Richard was simply pure lust at first. Sure, I was grateful for his help, but we just wanted to fuck. Feelings… feelings came when we actually tried to get to know each other.”

 

The tegu put his hands in his pockets and started to walk. Flynn followed him, knowing he would continue talking.

 

“You and Tobias, from what you’ve told me, already have quite an emotional baggage attached. And I won’t lie: You’re lucky he’s a forgivin’ kid. Same way I’m lucky Richard was willin’ to overlook my shady past, I suppose. But, from what you’ve told me, I don’t blame that _lince_ if he’s a bit reluctant to fuck ya. And I can see the way you look at him, when you think nobody’s lookin’. Don’t deny it.”

 

Right about now, Flynn wanted to punch his boss in the middle of that shit-eating grin. The younger lizard clenched his teeth and briefly balled his fists.

 

“Ohoho, don’t get pissy on me now, kid. I’ve done what you’re doin’ before you were an egg up your mom’s snatch. Now, back to where I was… my advice is to, as sad as it is, be patient. Earn his trust, _amigo_. It takes years to build it and it’s astonishing that you’ve got so far with him already - likely ‘cause he saved your ass. He doesn’t see you as a threat anymore, havin’ seen ya like how everyone truly is: vulnerable.”

 

Now that was interesting. Flynn acknowledged he had never seen things that way, but his boss was right: At the end of the day, every single person is vulnerable. One way or another.

 

Though it’d be a freezing day in hell before he were thankful for almost getting drowned by Chase.

 

“So, yeah, I’m sorry I don’t have a magic formula for ya, but all I can say is: If you really want it, then put an effort to it. And patience is the ultimate effort. I don’t think that cute little church boy’s gonna spend his entire life in celibacy,” Luiz smiled down at the younger lizard.

 

“And what makes you say that?” Flynn asked. The tegu’s smirk now broadened, clearly having the time of his fucking life teasing the gila about that.

 

“Call it a hunch.”

 

“Hm,” was all Flynn could answer with. Still, if things were as Luiz said, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

 

He asked himself if he wanted to take the next step in his relationship with TJ even if they weren’t going to fuck. The answer was ‘yes’.

 

“Alright, Flynn. Anythin’ else I can help ya with?” Luiz spoke, bringing the gila’s attention back.

 

“Yeah,” Flynn decided to joke now, “I think my pay’s shit. Could I get a raise?”

 

The tegu shrugged. “You could. If you had a firearm license and proper trainin’.”

 

Now _that_ was something Flynn did not expect to hear.

 

“Say again?”

 

Luiz sighed, as if he had to be explaining the obvious. “If you were an armed guard like me, Angelo or Liao, then yeah, you’d get paid about one hundred-fifty bucks more a week. Bumping your paycheck to about… four hundred and ten bucks a week, maybe?”

 

That was interesting news to Flynn. Maybe he should get around to see what kind of gun laws they had in Colorado. He picked up his phone and fiddled with it, trying to open the browser.

 

“Know, if you wanna know what you have to do,” Luiz said, gaining the gila’s attention again, “all that’s needed is for ya to go to the sheriff’s office, get a concealed carry permit, then go to the HQ - you can do it tonight, I’ll have the papers ready - and apply for the proper training. Liao and Angelo will train ya with me. But you’ve told me you used to own a few guns, yes?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Good. They don’t always, but may ask if you have had any past experience with guns. Red-flag laws and background checks also do apply when you’re gonna get your own personal gun or, in this case, by our own business when you apply to train. We won’t accept people with criminal backgrounds-”

 

“So I assume that hand cannon in your holster is a toy, then?” Flynn snarked at Luiz. The gila now scowled.

 

“It’s real. Wanna play russian roulette to find out?” He seemed serious.

 

“Shit, sorry boss, it was just a fucking joke.”

 

“Anyway,” Luiz now spoke in a dry tone, “Colorado has a magazine limitation of fifteen rounds. You can carry a loaded handgun in your car and open-carry it anywhere but Denver and, if I’m not mistaken, Boulder. Any questions?”

 

“Yeah, what piece does the company use?”

 

“I’m glad you asked!” Luiz grinned. “As you can see, I use my personal Taurus Model Six-Oh-Eight, caliber .357 with a seven inch barrel ‘cause I grew up watching western movies and a magnum revolver impresses teenage morons. Otherwise, I’d carry a 9mm Beretta piece I used back when I was a cop. Now, you’d likely get the same Angelo and Liao have. You know, the same we used for target practice, since the company’s small and all…”

 

“You gotta be fuckin’ kiding. Are they all…?”

 

“Flynn, we’re on a budget, so the Cobra Arms Freedom - what a stupid name - is the only pistol I could afford to buy in bulk. It’s magazine fits just seven rounds. But for security guards, it’s more than enough. If I expand into armoured transport of valuables or bank security, _then_ we might get .45 ACP or 9mm pistols…” The tegu rubbed his chin.

 

Flynn understood Luiz’s reasoning. Even if the pistol they used was a little frail. Still, after his near-death, he was rather getting something he was more familiar with - and that was more reliable.

 

“Can we use our own guns? I mean, Angelo and Liao don’t.”

 

“Yes, you can, if they’re legal and registered. And both have their own pieces, they just don’t bring them ‘cause in the unlikely event we might use ‘em, they don’t have the kickass lawyer my husband has to get their guns back ASAP.”

 

“I see.”

 

“But don’t ya worry. Chances are if you have to use yours, it’s a life-or-death scenario. And, if it’s at work, generally people radio for me or Angelo in case of trouble. Or Liao in the night shift.”

 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Flynn said. “I’m going to the sheriff’s office, see if I can get it today.”

 

“I may call and let ‘em know you’re comin’, so you won’t have to wait too much.”

 

The younger lizard wondered why the fuck did the tegu help him so much, unprompted and when it was clear Flynn couldn’t do anything in return. It was a good time to ask as any.

 

“Thanks, this really helps,” the gila then nodded in acknowledgement and excused himself, turning around to leave for the sheriff’s office.

 

It then dawned on him that he had been getting help from the older lizard for almost two years now. Sure, he could consider Luiz a friend, but not even he and Carl had done so much for each other. Sydney came close, but the favor that Flynn performed back then, well, was _really_ fucking big.

 

Flynn did not like thinking about that ‘big favor.’ He never liked seeing or dealing with corpses, and that was more than clear when he and his boss thought the hobo sleeping behind the dumpster was dead.

 

Licking his lips, the gila turned around and walked back to Luiz. He caught the tegu’s attention and decided to be direct about what he was going to ask, before the older lizard had a chance to ask him what he wanted:

 

“Know, Luiz, I’ve been thinking… now, don 't interpret me as being ungrateful, you've saved my ass more times than I can count. I mean, if it weren't for you, I might still be freezing my ass off on the streets of Colorado, too proud to accept any fucking help. After that, I thought you wanted to fuck me, and I was even alright with that, but you're still bailing me out even now. So why? Why put yourself through all of this trouble for me for two years?  I can 't have made it easy for you.”

 

The tegu scoffed. “Well, kid, I just see myself in you. I didn’t have much help for a while and could’ve used it. I see you doin’ the same fuckups I did at your age - at least, those that do not involve the law - and I figured that, if I’m in position to help ya lead a less shitty life, why not? It’s not costin’ me much and isn’t what a good friend’s supposed to do? I briefly had a friend like that once…”

 

“I know,” Flynn answered, his feeling of sadness returning, “I’m sorry about him.”

 

“Thanks,” Luiz nodded slightly, “I’m sorry about Sydney too.”

 

“Yeah…” The younger lizard trailed off, looking at the nearest door. “I gotta go, Luiz. Thanks again.”

 

Luiz returned Flynn’s sad smile with one of his own. “Anytime, _amigo_.” 

 

Flynn nodded one last time and made his way back to his parked truck. Once inside, he sat there for a few minutes, thinking about the events of his life that led him to that moment, almost like a delayed near-death experience.

 

They say people would remember their entire lives when they think they’re dying. To him, all he remembered was the day his friend had drowned. It was funny, how his last thoughts were ‘I know what happened.’

 

Even now, Flynn’s thoughts about his life didn’t start from his childhood, but from the moment he dizzily woke up, his ribs on fire, and turned to the side so he could throw up, TJ wet and water droplets falling from the lynx’s fur over him. It was if he was finally alive, after years of merely existing.

 

Even if, sometimes, he still felt as he merely existed through life, not truly enjoying or feeling anything.

 

But that was changing. The gila, once again, dared to feel determined as he felt when leaving Echo for good. He would get his concealed carry permit, get a better pay, get nagged by Jenna and buy his own pistol. The world was becoming more violent every day, and the young lizard felt more comfortable knowing he could protect himself… and those he held dear to him.

 

Ironically, Flynn did not notice just how close he got to understanding Chase’s altered mind that day at the lake. He turned on the engine of his truck and drove to the sheriff’s office, making a mental note to tell TJ and Jenna he would be out until about eleven to train with his coworkers.

 

Unless he got his permit quickly enough so that he could get back home, make them dinner, then leave.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Everything went smoother than he hoped. True to his word, Luiz had called and Flynn didn’t have to wait for long. It was almost they had the papers at ready by the time he had arrived.

 

He could go back home and enjoy half-watching a few movies. With less than thirty minutes before both TJ and Jenna were home, the gila got up and started preparing rice and vegetables, as well as some fish fillets. He wanted to get a light meal before going to his training, knowing that Monday was just “workout day” - though he was sure he would get to use the gun range of his company.

 

The only time he had entered the close, moderately soundproof room had been during his basic training once he had been admitted. A basic training that consisted of: a brief rundown of Colorado state laws about what a security guard could and couldn’t do, a brief overlook through the basic equipment, then shooting one of the Freedoms at the range until the magazine was unloaded, and a few other things. In a single day, he and two others were security guards, with a certificate and everything.

 

It all felt a little shady but, surprisingly, Guardian Angels Security was, indeed, legally registered and operating in the state.

 

Soon enough, the young lizard heard the front door unlocking and saw TJ entering, Jenna in tow. They greeted him and, then the fennec rushed to her bedroom, emerging with her pajamas folded under her arm.  

 

She seemed tired and just went to the bathroom without saying anything, closing the door.

 

Flynn looked at TJ.

 

“Rough day?”

 

“I guess…” the younger male didn’t know either. Flynn moved to give a side-hug to TJ, but the lynx dodged it.

 

“Work was intense today, I’m stinky,” the lynx explained. And, indeed, TJ’s fur was matted with sweat.

 

“I don’t care,” Flynn said.

 

“Oh, uhm, okay, if you say s-” Before TJ could finish, Flynn pulled him briefly into a hug, pressing his muzzle down between TJ’s ears. The smaller male returned the hug and his large ears twitched with every breath from Flynn. He risked giving the top of Toby’s head a light peck. TJ let out a hum and nuzzled the gila’s chest. 

 

After a few more moments like that, they finally let go. Flynn supposed it was the best they could get without actually kissing. The lynx smiled up at him.

 

“Uhm, I’ll go get my PJs. Jenna is going to be finished soon.” TJ said. The gila nodded and turned his attention back to the near-finished dinner, as the feline went to his bedroom.

 

Jenna emerged from the bathroom looking much better. She looked towards the small corridor leading to the bedrooms, then wiggled her eyebrows at Flynn. The gila flipped the bird at her with his free hand. 

 

The fennec chuckled and went to her bedroom, crossing paths with TJ as the lynx was taking his turn to use the bathroom. Flynn would serve dinner once TJ finished his shower.

 

They didn’t talk much over dinner. Flynn knew he cooked well, but he still enjoyed to hear TJ’s approval. Their conversations did not vary much: Jenna had been worried that rent for her workplace went up and they didn't have that many patients. TJ still seemed worried about the imminent demise of the Furies, leaving him jobless. Flynn still had to ask Luiz if there was anything he or Richard could do about it.

 

The gila admitted it was a strange feeling, to see both his friends worried about their jobs while it seemed his career was about to take off.

 

Eventually, they finished eating and TJ offered to do the dishes. Flynn brushed his teeth and bid his roomies a good night - in case they were asleep by the time he were back - and left for the G.A.S. headquarters.

 

As soon as Flynn got in, he saw his boss waiting by the reception desk. Luiz wore a dark blue tank top and black kickboxing shorts.

 

“Ah, there you are! Here,” he handed a clipboard with a few papers, “sign here and here… now, due Colorado’s retarded laws, you have to re-apply for a security license, only this time as armed security. A medical certificate sayin’ you’re good to do this shit, another CBI-approved background check… y’know the drill. I can get the certificate for ya tomorrow. But, for now, let’s train.”

 

“Alright,” Flynn quickly signed the papers and handed the clipboard back to Luiz after the tegu locked the doors of the HQ. It was just the guards inside by that time, so the tegu didn’t want to leave the door open and risk someone walking in after business hours. They soon found themselves by the small gym (which clearly had been a garage) and Flynn greeted his coworkers with a nod as he made his way to the lockers, in order to put on his workout outfit.

 

One hour later, Flynn’s arms and legs were on fire. His abdominal muscles were mostly fine, however: He had always done plenty of sit ups every other day since he was thirteen. Luiz, on the other hand, groaned as he held his hand against his ample gut. Flynn made his way to the lockers, when he felt the tegu’s hand grabbing his shoulder.

 

“Hey hey hey, where are you goin’? We wanna see how well you can shoot. Come with us.” The older lizard nodded his head at Angelo and Liao.

 

“Right,” The gila sighed and walked with them across the building, going to what probably used to be a small office room from the time the entire place used to be a large auto repair shop. Its walls had been clearly modified, made thicker and soundproof. The range was small, with only enough space for three people. 

 

Liao, the cobra, went on ahead and started hanging the target sheets at the hooks near the end of the range. It appeared they didn’t have enough cash for the proper kind, considering the way to move the target was through a pulley system.

 

Still, Flynn had to admit it was an interesting way to make up for the lack of money.

 

When Liao was done, he wordlessly walked back to them and watched with disinterest as Luiz and Angelo prepared the identical pistols for them to use. Four of them, plus Luiz’s own revolver. When they were done, the fat lizard handed an unloaded Freedom to Flynn and and its magazine.

 

“Alright, get to the first range, Liao will take the second. Then us three will evaluate how well you do and correct any issues, if we see any.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Despite the low caliber of the Freedom, Flynn’s right arm hurt even more now. In the meantime, when they made him shoot at various distances, moving targets, dismantling and cleaning his gun, and even a few moments goofing off, like when Luiz started practicing quickdrawing and firing his revolver from its holster, wild west-style, or Angelo giving in to the tegu’s request to ‘fire like a gangsta’ and almost getting a hot shell case on one of his large ears from firing the pistol sideways. Flynn also got to squeeze a few shots from Luiz’s revolver, finding out it had little recoil, even for a .357. It was still a bit too impractical for his tastes and he found more difficult to hit his targets with the revolver.

 

Liao had been the only one serious during most of it, though he could catch the cobra smiling at their antics. Only later Flynn learned that the Chinese immigrant did not speak english that well, and it was why he had been assigned to work at nights, guarding the closed mall. 

 

He also had learned Liao was the third member with a military past - having served in the People’s Liberation Army for four years - and it made sense that, alongside Angelo’s past with the Marines and Luiz’s time as a guerrilla and then in Pinkerton, only the three members of the company which had any kind military background were the armed guards.

 

“Good thing you can shoot well,” Angelo said as they walked to the lockers. Luiz had stayed behind to put everything back and lock the shooting range.

 

“I used to practice with mine. Heh, know, when I was a kid, I’d actually practice with a bow and arrows. The real deal, not the toy. I wanted to be in the army, but how retarded that?”

 

“Maybe not retarded,” Liao said behind them, rubbing his chin, “bows make no noise. Good for certain missions.” 

 

Angelo seemed to consider, then nodded in agreement and they were facing the lockers by now. “Makes sense. You two go on ahead. I’ll help the boss tidy the place up.”

 

Without thinking much of it, both reptiles went inside the lockers so they could shower and change. Flynn heard the elephant’s footsteps outside as he moved around, gathering the weights and the mats.

 

When he was halfway done with his shower, Luiz walked in wearing nothing but a towel slung over his shoulder. Not an unusual sight, and the tegu turned the hot water on.

 

It baffled Flynn how Luiz would often shower with near-boiling hot water. Sure, they were cold-blooded, but it hurt his scales just imagining being a few seconds with water that hot falling over him. His boss seemed to stand the scalding-hot shower just fine.

 

“You like to cook, huh?” Flynn joked as he rinsed the soap off himself. Luiz chuckled and opened one eye to look at him.

 

“Spent the first twenty-two years of my life taking cold showers. I like warmth where I can take it.”

 

Well, since he had been so chatty, Flynn decided to tell him about the situation with TJ’s team. He summed it up neatly: The Furies sucked and were about to go under. TJ hoped to, maybe, get another job with Pueblo Central or work in physiotherapy at some clinic - something just to keep himself afloat while doing something he enjoyed.

 

The tegu listened to it all while soaping himself, and even as he opened his maw to fill it with the cascading water, then gurgling it and spitting it out, not unlike a kid would do.

 

By the time Flynn turned his shower off, Luiz finally spoke again:

 

“Listen, I’m not sure what can be done about this. I’ll talk to Rich, but don’t keep your hopes up. But if he can’t get a job in the area he likes, I’ll see if Richard can find something that pays him well enough ‘till he gets to work with his career of choice. Deal?”

 

The younger lizard nodded. “Alright. Thanks again, Luiz.”

 

 _“De nada._ Wait a little before ya leave, though, I have somethin’ for you,” the tegu said and proceeded to rinse the soap off his scales.

 

And so, Flynn waited after everyone but Luiz and Angelo had left. As soon as he had left the lockers, Angelo had entered. Now both the gila and Luiz bid the recently-showered elephant a good night as he left for his Silverado.

 

Luiz poked at the gila’s shoulder and, when he turned around, he saw that the older lizard held a small, plastic suitcase. Instantly, Flynn knew it was one of the pistols the company used.

 

“Look, thanks, but I can’t take it.” Flynn said.

 

“Nonsense. All you have to do is sign that paper at the counter saying you purchased it from me for one hundred and twenty bucks. It has two magazines with it in the case. With the way crime is gettin’ here in Pueblo, I think it’d be good to give my friend the means to defend himself and his loved ones.” Luiz winked.

 

Flynn was about to argue, but he had to admit Luiz’s logic was pretty much the same thing he had thought earlier that afternoon. With a sigh, he went to the reception desk and signed the papers laid on it, after skimming through the entire thing. It was a simple private sale contract.

 

“Fuck, I think I owe you… how many times now?”

 

Luiz sighed and looked disappointed. Flynn did not know what he had done wrong - it was just a joke.

 

“Listen,” the tegu said, “if ya really wanna pay me back somehow, then just take good care of yourself. And your friends. You’ve all been through hell and back, and I’d hate to see ya - or any of the other three kids - givin’ up like you did when I met ya. Life goes on, no matter what. And you’ll always have a shot at happiness, unless you’re dead. I’m just helpin’ you see that.”

 

The gila looked down, thinking about his first few months after he had arrived at Pueblo. He had given up.

 

He looked back up and met Luiz’s dark brown eyes. “I can’t really show how fucking grateful I am.”

 

The tegu shrugged. “Eh, the feeling’s there. That’s all that matters. Run along now, kid. Your _lince_ is waitin’ for ya.”

 

“Alright. Seeya, Luiz. Good night.”

 

“Good night, _amigo,_ ” Luiz said as Flynn walked off, carrying his new gun. He heard the tegu locking the main glass and aluminum door, then pulling down the shutter that covered it from behind him. He entered his truck in time to see the older lizard locking the shutter and waving at him, going to the old Crown Vic patrol car he drove everywhere.

 

It dawned on Flynn that, while the tegu might not be aware of it, he would have been a better father than his own father ever was.

 

Flynn turned on the engine and backed out of the parking lot, then drove back home. He knew Jenna would probably nag him a little about his pistol and chuckled at the thought of telling her to go protest to his boss for giving it to him. He knew she would not.

 

Pity he was positive TJ would be asleep by the time he arrived home. He looked forward to spend some time just sitting with him. He could enjoy the lynx’s company without the need for conversation, and his hands itched to stroke that soft fur of his.

 

But he knew he would have a chance to do that tomorrow. And that made him feel hopeful again. Maybe things would improve for him, even if they seemed a bit bleak for both Toby and Jenna. But things could improve for them too: Jenna was smart and tough and TJ, well, he somehow seemed to win Richard’s favor. They would be fine. All they had to do is support each other through this crisis and ride out the storm.

 

And life goes on.


	22. A New Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't long before what TJ feared would happen, happened: The Pueblo Furies; the high-school team he worked for, has finally gone belly-up. He was now unemployed.
> 
> With that weighting in his mind, the lynx finds himself once more questioning his faith, as his mind drifts to past events. All the while he looks for a job.

**A New Perspective**

 

“Alright, ev’rybody, huddle up,” Coach Todd told the team after they were done training.

 

TJ could see how weary the kids were. They knew things weren’t looking good and, unlike a feelgood movie or story, it turns out not being talented at all can’t match the better players from other regional teams with just hard work.

 

And, unsurprisingly, Todd laid the truth to them: “I’ve recommended y’all to other regional teams. Looks like it’s back to teachin’ high school physical-ed classes fer me. I’m sorry, but our last sponsor dropped out last week, as some of ya are well aware.”

 

All the lynx could think is that now he was, effectively, unemployed. It would have been alright, but his profile had been slightly smudged by his former WellMart manager.

 

He had never told anyone about that. In a way, it was how he had always done almost every time someone gave him a hard time. It would have been meaningless in a larger city, but Pueblo’s main source of employment was the service industry and, until he found a job in his field, he would be hard-pressed to work at any other major grocery.

 

Todd was shaking every player’s hands and giving genuinely heartfelt goodbyes to them. The lynx sighed. He did briefly entertain the idea of working with Flynn, but quickly gave up on it: He couldn’t stop a shoplifter, so he knew people would just steamroll over him every Black Friday.

 

If anything, that was one of the reasons the manager of WellMart put a negative mention on his profile. The other was the fact he could not give him the two weeks notice before going to Canada and visit his parents.

 

It was all finished sooner than he had expected. Coach Todd then turned around and placed a hand over TJ’s shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry, Tobias.”

 

“It’s alright,” TJ forced a smile and a shrug, “I know things are getting rough. There’s nothing you could’ve done… now it’s time for me to look for a job.”

 

“I’ll help ya with what I can. Put on a good word for ya an’ all that.”

 

“Thanks, Coach.”

 

“Well…” The old german shepherd sighed, taking his hand from the smaller man’s shoulder. He watched the last of the players leaving. “I wish I could be a lil’ more optimistic. But things are gonna get worse. Has been a while since I last saw them people smilin’ an’ happy on the streets.”

 

“Yeah… I noticed that, too.” TJ nodded.

 

They were both in silence for a moment. “Well… do you wanna a ride?”

 

TJ’s ears perked up “Hm? Oh, thanks, Coach. Sure.”

 

And off they went to Coach Todd’s dark gray 2009 Dodge Caravan. All the while, TJ trying to keep his ears from drooping and his shoulders from slumping. He needed to get a new job. Fast.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It brought some relief to TJ when he entered home and spotted Flynn vacuuming the floor. The gila noticed him and turned the old beige vacuum off and turned to fully face the lynx.

 

TJ could notice the surprised expression on Flynn’s face. Deciding to be direct, but play it cool, the feline took a deep breath and spoke:

 

“Hey, Flynn. Uh, the Furies, well, the team’s officially defunct now. Coach Todd just announced it and… I’m jobless now.”

 

His ears drooped and he noticed a hint of worry at Flynn’s expression. TJ forced his ears upright again and put on a smile.

 

“But I just have to find another job, no biggie, right?”

 

Unfortunately, he had forgotten how blunt Flynn tended to be.

 

“Teej, you know it’s fucking impossible to get a job right now, right? I mean, with the economy going down the toilet and all…” The gila stopped and licked his lips, as if now figuring it wasn’t the best thing to say.

 

Slumping his shoulders, TJ sat down on the futon, letting out a disappointed sigh. “I know… but I’m confident this is just temporary. I have faith-” 

 

 _Do I?_ TJ cut himself in mid-speech with that thought.

 

“I’m sure I’ll find something soon,” the lynx finished saying.

 

Now the lizard went around the futon and sat by TJ’s side, gently pulling the lynx into a half-embrace. TJ welcomed it, even when it was clear the gila was a little hesitant. It still felt comforting.

 

They stayed like that for a few minutes. Sometime during their embrace, Flynn had started to gently rub the lynx’s back. TJ enjoyed it, but he couldn’t stop feeling bad about something else - he shifted himself so he was now half-lying on Flynn’s lap, looking up at the gila.

 

“I just feel bad about the bills. I mean, Jenna’s facing her own difficulties at work, and you-”

 

Flynn stopped petting Tobias and the feline almost worried that he had said something wrong. But he could see a smile appearing on the lizard’s muzzle.

 

“Oh, I forgot to tell ya! Check this out -preferably before Jenna comes and ruin the mood with one of her rants,” the gila said.

 

TJ understood he needed to get up and immediately moved to allow Flynn to stand. The gila went to the small cabinet under their television and retrieved a small, plastic case. The kind cheap tool kits or screwdrivers were sold on. But the lynx knew very well what it was, even before Flynn opened it and turned it around so he could see it.

 

He saw a small pistol in it. It was black and, due its size, almost looked like a toy. The two magazines neatly fit the dark gray foam under the gun, the small zip-lock bag with its cleaning tools and a manual leaflet that slipped from the suitcase, slowly falling on the carpeted floor, however, confirmed the lynx’s suspicions that it was the real deal.

 

Flynn somehow acquired a gun.

 

“Y’see,” Flynn started, “I learned yesterday, by accident, that if I had a concealed carry license and passed all requirements and training, I’d be getting paid more as an _armed_ guard. I was complaining about the shit pay I get while the solution was under my fucking nose all this time.”

 

“Oh?” TJ was a little unsure. He did not mind that Flynn had a gun, or that he became an armed guard. His main worry was about Jenna having a falling out with him, just a few months after they had apparently patched things up.

 

Well, deep down, the lynx also worried about Flynn’s safety. Armed guards meant that, perhaps, he wouldn’t have the excuse to abstain from certain riskier situations. And Pueblo was starting to get more violent.

 

Tobias could tell he had not successfully prevented his mixed feelings about it from showing on his expressions. The gila now tilted his head quizzically, apparently not sure what to make of TJ’s reaction.

 

“Well, that’s… that’s good! I’m happy for you!” TJ put on a forced smile and patted at Flynn’s arm. The gila watched him for one moment, before putting the case with the pistol on the small table by the right of the futon.

 

“And the weirdest thing?” Flynn asked, “Luiz gave the pistol to me, when I showed I knew how to operate a gun safely.”

 

 _Well, at least that’s some money spared,_ TJ thought to himself, surprised at his own cynicism.

 

“I think he really likes us. Maybe we should do something for him?” TJ asked. He did not know that, considering he appeared to be well-off himself, even without factoring in that his husband was a millionaire.

 

“I’ve thought about that, actually… but I have no fucking clue what we should do,” Flynn said.

 

TJ shrugged. “We’ll think of something… maybe,” he watched as the gila turned around to fiddle with the pistol and its magazines. He noticed how the lizard seemed to look at one, puzzled, then at another. He frowned.

 

“Uh, is something wrong?” TJ asked.

 

“I see no ammunition… hmm…” Flynn leaned forward to catch the small manual and a small piece of paper fell from it. It had something written by hand.

 

TJ caught it and handed it to Flynn. The gila read it and frowned, picking up Tobias’ curiosity.

 

Without needing to ask him, Flynn flipped the note around so TJ could read it:

 

_“Buy your own damn ammo. -L”_

 

“Heh, son of a bitch,” Flynn said.

 

“Uh, is it hard or expensive to find the bullets for that gun?” The lynx asked. He did not understand much about the subject.

 

Flynn chuckled and shook his head. “Nah. He’s just fucking with me. Then again, I can’t complain - he already gave me what’s most important.”

 

“Oh, alright,” TJ smiled, glad that it didn’t mean Flynn would have an argument with his boss. He was about to get up and go to his room, in order to write his resume and look for jobs online, when he noticed Flynn perking up as if he had an idea.

 

“Say, tomorrow I’ll go out to buy some ammunition. Would you like to come with me and we’ll try to get you a job or somethin’?”

 

TJ blinked. Would that be considered a pre-date date? Was that even a thing?

 

No, he was reading too much into that. Still, he felt the corners of his mouth tugging into a smile.

 

“I’d love that, Flynn. Thank you.”

 

“It’s the least I can do,” the gila responded, as he put his gun back into the cabinet and closed it, “gonna need somethin’ with a lock and key for these. Might get ‘em tomorrow as well, since we’ll be downtown and all.”

 

“Mhm,” TJ nodded, not really being able to add anything to that.

 

Well, that and he had been genuinely tired. As much as he had felt better hugging Flynn, this was the kind of thing the lynx felt he would need a nap to actually recover his bearings from. It was rare for him to feel so upset that he would prefer to retire so he wouldn’t have to put on a happy facade.

 

But it was becoming more and more common since he had been nineteen. And he knew what exactly started that.

 

He did not want to make Flynn feel as if he weren’t important. Same as Jenna or Carl. Or even Flynn’s surprisingly friendly bosses. But, as he just learned, being close to those he liked did not magically make everything better.

 

What TJ needed was some time to rest and recover his bearings. But he would resume his cuddling with the gila later, even looking a little forward to it. It still made his cheeks and ears flush, but it was a good thrill to feel.

 

Of course, all of that after he had actually been done with his obligations.

 

“Hey, Flynn, I’m a bit tired… I think I’ll go to my room, write my updated resume, look for a few jobs on the internet, and then take a nap.”

 

“Huh? Oh, okay…” the gila seemed disappointed, and it hurt TJ a little, “I’ll leave the vacuuming for tomorrow, then, when we’re back. Heh, you could help me tidy up the place.”

 

TJ nodded enthusiastically. “Alright. And thank you. See you later.”

 

“Sleep well, Teej,” Flynn moved to pick up the vacuum and take it to the kitchen, where it stood in a corner. TJ waved briefly and made his way to his bedroom, sighing slightly as he crossed the threshold into the familiar place where he hid when the world got to him during the past two years.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The rest of the day had been uneventful. TJ woke up at early evening and told Jenna about the bad news. He knew Flynn had told her, but the fennec still seemed sorry for him. Then again, it was a different thing listening to bad news about a friend and actually getting said bad news straight from the source.

 

They had dinner, and the lynx noticed Flynn worked hard on that one. Likely to make him feel better. At least, TJ liked to think so. Still, they did not talk much - none of them were in the mood.

 

As soon as they were done with dinner, Jenna excused herself to take her shower and go to bed early. TJ figured she was in the same state of mind he had when he decided to take a nap mid-afternoon. He didn’t blame her.

 

Soon, he and Flynn found themselves sitting on the futon, half-watching the same comedy show reruns that he had watched last time Flynn got out late. He leaned on the lizard and Flynn wrapped one arm around him, but that was about it. Still, it felt nice, and he could see Flynn was relaxed.

 

Eventually, it was time for them to go to bed. The lynx went automatically with his routine, almost even bumping onto Flynn when he left the bathroom so the gila would have his turn to shower. TJ decided to wait until the lizard was done.

 

And he had to admit, he had not seen Flynn shirtless in a while. Or, at least, noticed him.

 

While he had noticed the gila gained a lot of muscle when training, only now that Flynn came out of the bathroom wearing only his boxers, tank top slung over his shoulder, that the lynx could see him in detail.

 

The extra pounds he had put on between the time he left Echo and the time they met him again were definitely gone. Flynn’s abdominal muscles were well-defined, almost sculpted. As they had always been. But now his pectorals had followed suit, without becoming overly large. The gila’s arms were as thick as Jenna’s legs, and it was clear he hadn’t skipped a single leg day.

 

Flynn was definitely buff, but not ridiculously so. If anything, he looked almost like how Leo did back when he had been in shape.

 

It was interesting to see what one year and seven months of training had done to the formerly lanky lizard.

 

“Like what you see?” Flynn asked with a chuckle.

 

TJ took a sharp breath and looked away, embarrassed. “Uh, you’ve changed a lot, that’s all.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“It’s not bad, though. Far from it, I… ah… well, I just wanted to wish you a good night,” TJ said, deciding to cut his losses and avoid making a fool of himself even more. His cheeks and ears were on fire as he blushed, and he had been sure Flynn could see it.

 

“Well,” the gila assumed a more neutral expression, and Tobias was thankful for it, “alright… good night and sleep well, Teej.”

 

They hugged again, and TJ lowered his head slightly, already expecting Flynn’s peck to his forehead. He smiled as soon as he got it and, after a few seconds in silence, they finally broke their embrace.

 

“I may not wake up early tomorrow, just so you know,” Flynn said.

 

“Alright. Well, see you tomorrow.”

 

“Seeya.”

 

And, with that, TJ went back to his own room. Chances were it would take a while for him to catch any sleep thanks to his afternoon nap.

 

At least, he could check his email and Muzzlebook before bed. He had seen a few interesting posts on the latter, but no place he had applied through the internet had emailed him yet.

 

On Muzzlebook, he did notice Richard Maitland amongst his contacts and briefly wondered if Flynn had asked him for help.

 

He reached his paw to the cross he always wore. He needed to ask Richard to help him with a different problem.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The next morning, TJ found himself looking at the mirror. He wore his usual plain shirt with dark gray slacks. Nothing too formal, but not too relaxed as to make a potential employer cringe. He had made sure there was no sleep on the corner of his eyes and that he was the best that he could possibly be.

 

That morning, he also had received an email replying to one of his applications. He at least could thank however took the time for their sincerity: They wouldn’t hire him due to his ‘unreliability,’ as stated by his former employer, WellMart.

 

With a deep breath to steel himself, the lynx left the bathroom. Flynn stood by the apartment’s door, waiting for him and TJ noticed how he slowly had been picking on certain cues about how people behaved.

 

Had it been the old Flynn, chances are he’d be either in his truck or trying to hurry TJ up - at least is what the lynx thought.

 

“Let’s go,” TJ said, smiling at the gila.

 

Pueblo wasn’t a really big city, so they had quickly reached downtown. Surprisingly, Flynn passed by quite a few gun stores without stopping, and TJ realized he intended to help him apply for a job first and foremost. It made the lynx feel a little warm inside.

 

Eventually, they stopped in front of Parkview Medical Center. Immediately, TJ picked up at what Flynn had in mind.

 

“Do you think they’d hire me?”

 

“Well, yesterday, while you were asleep, it got boring as hell, so I decided to fiddle with my phone. After I was done watching a few videos to amuse myself…”

 

 _‘Which were, most likely, porn,’_ TJ thought, but did not say.

 

“-I decided to check what places would employ people qualified to practice physiotherapy. This place was the first of the list.” The gila grinned proudly.

 

TJ couldn’t help but envelop him in an awkward hug as he thanked him. Now he felt really obligated to take Flynn somewhere nice that coming Saturday.

 

Picking one of his resumes and briefly running his thumb over the cross he wore - just to make sure it was still there - he left for the hospital.

 

Inside, it was quickly clear that he wouldn’t be able to leave a resume with any of the higher-ups. It was alright, he figured that was what would happen. But the nice opossum lady at the reception desk promised she would forward it to the administrator. He hoped so, even if he had been positive that she would just throw it in the trash as soon as he turned his back to walk out.

 

It still would have been a nice place to work.

 

They spent the rest of the afternoon going from place to place, as Flynn made excuses as to why he blew right through a gun store or another.

 

Eventually, they started trying to apply for other job positions. It was when they ran into Carl at one of the local marijuana dispensaries. The ram was happy to see them, until being told that TJ was now unemployed.

 

“Aw, sorry to hear that, dude,” the ram placed his hand on the lynx’s shoulder. “If there’s anything I can do to help, just tell me.”

 

It then dawned on him. “Wait, are you applyin’ to work in here?” Carl asked.

 

TJ gave him an apologetic shrug, ears splayed. “Well, it’s a job. I don’t mind working at the counter. And there’s the plus side you’ll drop by once in a while, so I get to see a friend.” He smiled. Carl grinned in return.

 

“How’s college, by the way?” Flynn asked. His old friend now looked much more satisfied.

 

“Couldn’t be better. I did a little bad on History of Arts and in Sculpture, but my grades with Painting, Traditional Art, Graphic Design and Digital Arts are in second or third places in my course. Actually, I’m at the top of the Graphic Design class! How awesome is that?”

 

“Wow, so you’re one step closer to become one of those artists who get paid to draw that ‘hentai’ shit. Congratulations!” The lizard replied. His friend raised a finger.

 

“For starters, I spend more time gaming than I do working on comissions. And, before you joke about it, being a vtuber is actually payin’ my bills. I’m almost like a responsible adult now!” Carl retorted as he paid for his weed and turned to fully face the lizard.

 

“Yeah. I’m sure that’ll look great on your resume,” Flynn gave a short laugh at the thought.

 

“Laugh all you want, dude. I’m enjoying myself. How about you two? I mean, other than TJ… y’know…”

 

It was Flynn’s turn to grin. He told Carl about his pay raise, and TJ watched them exchanging some friendly banter with a sad smile. The lynx felt genuinely happy for them, but could not help musing about how life seemed to take things from some to give to others.

 

Couldn’t all of them just be well-off? Why some should lose while others win? He looked at both of them again, knowing that they did, however, deserve reaping the rewards for their efforts after going through so much.

 

Which made the lynx feel even more determined to find his own happiness, even while it seemed things were stacked against him.

 

Reaching for his cross necklace, TJ also wondered briefly if that wouldn’t be some kind of divine intervention, giving them a much-needed break from all the bad things in their lives. He let go of it: Sadly, very few things would justify what they went through in Echo - nothing could convince him of that.

 

His ears lowered as he reminded himself that there was one thing left to do. Flynn seemed to notice it, because he and Carl stopped chatting and turned to face him.

 

“You okay, dude?” Carl asked first.

 

“Huh? Oh!” TJ forced his ears back up, “I was just thinking… I hope someone calls me soon.”

 

Flynn and Carl exchanged a look, and the lizard spoke first: “I’m sure they will.”

 

The gila had not quite yet mastered the art of saying encouraging things out of kindness and make them sound genuine. Still, TJ felt good he had at least tried.

 

He picked his phone and scrolled through his contacts, looking for Richard. Hopefully, the goat would be willing to help him.

 

TJ felt bad for bothering Flynn’s boss, but his crisis of faith seemed to eat him from inside the more he tried to ignore the issue. Especially now he had lost his job. Funny how he had bigger reasons to have a crisis of faith before, but the last straw had been something that could not be blamed on God.

 

He quickly typed a message, being straight to the point and hoping the goat wouldn’t be too busy.

 

_“Hey, Richard, are you available? I’d like to talk. I need some advice and help from you.”_

 

Richard had answered it right away, so it meant chances were the goat wasn’t that busy. It put TJ a little at ease.

 

_“Sure. I took the week off. What’s it about?”_

 

TJ hesitated and looked at Carl and Flynn. They were chatting again, so the feline could quickly type an answer:

 

_“I’m having a crisis of faith…”_

 

It took a little longer for Richard to answer this time:

 

_“Alright. I’m getting my nails and hooves done at the moment. I’ll message you when I’m free.”_

 

TJ was about to answer with an ‘ok’, when Carl spoke loud enough for him to hear:

 

“Welp, I gotta go,” he announced. “We better stop loiterin’ anyway. Seeya later, guys.”

 

“Seeya, Carl,” Flynn patted the ram on his back. TJ waved at him as they left the store and Carl split from them. Now it was just the lynx and Flynn again.

 

“So,” TJ looked up at the gila as they stood in front of the store, “aren’t  you going to get ammo for that gun of yours? I think we went to most places we could today.”

 

“Hm… alright.” He did not say more and they went to Flynn’s truck. He noticed the gila had to slam his door twice to get it to close correctly. Then again, his truck was kind of a relic, and even the lynx could notice that - despite not knowing much about cars.

 

He also realized he needed to get a driver’s license at some point.

 

They were close to El Pueblo History Museum when TJ’s phone buzzed and he read it. It was Richard.

 

_“By the Riverwalk if you want to talk. There’s a gun store nearby. The Six Shooter. They specialize in all sorts of handguns. Luiz buys bullets there at discount when using cash. Can see it from the bench I’m sitting on.”_

 

TJ briefly looked at Flynn, figuring that they were likely going towards home, then back at the message.

 

“Hey, Richard said there’s a gun store near the Riverwalk that sells bullets at discount, if you’re willing to pay in cash.”

 

“Hm? Oh, shit, yeah. I forgot to get the ammo for my pistol.”

 

The lizard waited for the next opportunity to turn the truck around and drove all the way to the Riverwalk. They spotted the small shop, almost imperceptible between two other stores, with only a modest wooden sign over the door reading ‘The Six Shooter’

 

And, of course, looking at his right, TJ spotted Richard maitland looking square at him, despite the distance. He figured it must be pretty unnerving to work for him and have the goat glaring at you everytime you looked.

 

As the lizard parked and opened his door, TJ feigned a bit of surprise and waved at Richard. Flynn looked around intrigued and soon spotted the white-cream goat sitting on the bench, eating what seemed to be a few falafels in a paper plate.

 

“I’ll go say ‘hi.’ Maybe wait for you there,” TJ said.

 

Flynn pondered over it, then nodded. “Sure. Be right back.”

 

With that, the gila entered the gun store and TJ crossed the street, eventually stopping in front of the bench Richard sat upon.

 

“You can sit, if you’d like,” Richard said and licked his lips from any stray crumbs, before taking a bite at another falafel.

 

“Thanks,” TJ took his seat and briefly watched their surroundings in silence.

 

“It’s a beautiful place in here,” he finally said. Richard chuckled.

 

“I live in Bella Sancti. It’s a large private condo there,” the goat twisted himself so he could point at something behind them, on the other side of the river. TJ looked over his shoulder, ears perked up with interest. If it were the large red estate vaguely resembling a castle, then it was pretty clear that Richard lived very well.

 

“However, I’m sure you don’t want to talk about pleasantries,” the goat adjusted his glasses, finished with his last falafel and now looking at TJ, his expression neutral.

 

“Uhm, well… yeah…”

 

“So what’s eating you, darling?”

 

TJ took a deep breath and exhaled. “Well, I have a problem… I’m having a crisis of faith.”

 

The goat looked at him in silence, without any noticeable change in expression. TJ rubbed his right arm and looked down at the cobblestones as he tried to think on what else to say.

 

“You’ve told me as much,” Richard finally said.

 

The lynx sighed. “That’s pretty much it. Every day, I pray, I go on with my routine, but… I keep wondering, with all the bad things that happened to me, to those I care,” he briefly looked at Flynn’s parked truck, “to those I know… and even other innocent people I know… so much suffering that’s not our fault…”

 

He now looked at the goat’s honey-coloured eyes.

 

“I cannot help but wonder: Is there _really_ a God? What if it’s all just a comforting lie? Or worse - what if there _is_ a God, but He’s evil or uncaring?”

 

All Richard had done in answer was to nod encouragingly.

 

“I don’t know… I was happy with my religion, but now? Now I just don’t know… and you know what I mean as well. I mean… you likely knew your husband’s story. And other many like it or worse. One could excuse them as man-made suffering. But what about other things? What about children born with severe deformities? When I was studying physiotherapy, I have learned so much about how both healthy parents could, sometimes, have a child with physical defects. Why? And then there’s things like bone cancer in children, or children born paralyzed or with malformed organs or ambiguous genitalia… why? What kind of maniac would allow those things to happen? I… I just can’t reconcile it with my faith…” TJ felt his eyes watering as he finished his rant.

 

Richard now placed his hand on his shoulder very gently. The goat himself sighed and looked down.

 

“I ask the same thing every other day myself.”

 

That surprised TJ, who quickly looked up to Richard. The goat seemed sincere.

 

“And, honestly? I have no answers,” the older man continued, “I mean… maybe there’s more than we know about this. I also, in my conscience, do not believe innocent people should suffer like that. I also know it’s a cop-out to say it all is the fault of someone else, because there are many kinds of suffering that is not our fault.”

 

Richard leaned back against the bench and crossed his legs. “I mean… I still go to church. But I like to keep my own common sense. I don’t have the answers to your questions, since I ask them myself all the time. But, in my faith, I have found energy to keep going on sometimes. Haven’t you?”

 

TJ assented. “Yes… in the past…”

 

“Also, some people learn things from other people. Some from experience, others from religion. I prefer to focus on the positives: Love thy neighbour, be a good person, practice charity. My father… he was always away on business. And my mother had died giving birth to my younger sister Eleanor. I was pretty much left to my own devices and, I won’t lie, I think I’d end up being quite more selfish than I already am.” He grinned at his own self-deprecation.

 

“Oh? You don’t sound selfish,” TJ smiled.

 

“Darling, you didn’t meet me in the eighties. While I - like anyone who’s not a sociopath - had a conscience and made sure to not harm others on purpose, let’s just say… if it were not for my faith, I wouldn’t have learned - from example from my pastor - that I shouldn’t ignore people in need. I mean, when it’s not affecting me. It’s easy, when you’re neglected by your parents, to grow up with that childish selfishness, know? See someone in need of help and think ‘pf, who cares - that’s sad, but not my fault.’”

 

He looked at TJ. “Had I grown up like that, assuming I’d end up owning a small mall in a backwater town, chances are I wouldn’t have heard to Luiz’s pleas to hire Flynn without a background check. Or would have called the cops on Luiz back in January ninety-three…”

 

“I see…”

 

“I know it is cynical, to be following my religion _a la carte_ , but life _is_ that way. Or should we follow it to the letter? If so, then where’s your grown facial fur? Why are both of us wearing mixed fabrics? Do you sit on the same couch as your roommate when she’s during those delightful days where she bleeds? How about we enslave heathen? Or kill them outright?” The goat said all in a humorous tone, but his smile did not reach his eyes.

 

It shocked TJ a little, but he knew the Bible very well and knew that Richard was right. The only way would be cherry-picking. Even the New Testament had rather deplorable things.

 

“Now, as for the bad things that happen in our lives… all we can do is our best. To get over it and help others get over it. If we spent half of the energy we put into thinking of methods to make money and kill each other into making other people’s lives better, the world would be perfect. Sure, it’ll never happen, but doesn’t stop us from trying to be the best we can be. And, even if we just help _one single person,_ that is one person less that has to suffer. Same way you’d be glad if someone managed to help you. And, well, if it gives you even a tiny bit of hope to pray for help, why not try? Not like you’re gonna lose anything other than a few minutes anyway.”

 

The goat seemed to think a little more, then continued: 

 

“And there’s also the bad things that, without them, wouldn’t lead to good things… for us. It is where our cynicism comes into play. I’ll give an example: If Luiz hadn’t had a miserable childhood, nor decided that the best way to change the world for the better would be to join a guerrilla that kills government officials, then try and make a better life in Canada, then end up homeless in America and nearly freeze to death in Florida, well, I wouldn’t have met my husband now, would I?”

 

Before TJ could say anything, Richard raised a hand to stop him from speaking.

 

“I don’t say I’m grateful for Lulu’s life being shit. Nor that you should about… well, what happened to Flynn, from what I know. Just that you now found yourselves together. Try to not dwell in the past - the past is gone. Yes, it shaped us and things as how they are, and it is good to know our past. But always, _always,_ keep your focus on today. What are your problems today? What you can solve now? What conditions you have right now to make a decent future? Those are the things you should work on. _If you dwell in the past, all that means is you’ll be stuck reliving the same awful events over and over._ We already have traumas and flashbacks for that, no need to actively anchor ourselves to our suffering like that. ”

 

And, with that, Richard let out a relieved sigh. TJ knew the goat was done. His mind cycled through everything that the goat had said.

 

Yes, it was cynical, nihilist at points, or downright cruel. But it made sense. And, even if it wasn’t something that magically recovered his faith - like what always happens to good characters without faith in those Christian movies he had watched as a child - it did give him a new way to see things. TJ knew his doubts did not vanish completely, but already felt the anguish over them disappearing.

 

“Wow… I’m impressed,” the lynx had to admit at last. Before Richard could answer, he gave the goat a brief hug. “Thanks, Richard. Really, you helped me a lot.”

 

“Anytime, Tobias,” the goat smiled and adjusted his glasses. “If you need help with anything, don’t hesitate to call. You and your boyfriend have grown on Luiz and if you made him happy, that makes me happy.”

 

“Alright,” the lynx smiled and got up to go back to Flynn’s truck. He could see the gila had, at some point, left the store and was patiently waiting for him. The lynx stopped on his tracks as one thought crossed his mind.

 

“Uh, I’ll be back,” he rushed to the truck and, without explanation, picked one of the last copies of his resume and went back to Richard.

 

“Well, uhm, I went around town today morning. Flynn drove me around so I could apply for jobs… I’m unemployed now. So… if you could help me, here’s my resume. If that won’t bother you…”

 

He sheepishly handed the paper over to the goat, his boldness quickly dissipating upon the expression Richard made as he picked the paper and read it. Despite his women’s clothes, the goat had put on his ‘Mr. Maitland’ expression, and TJ knew he was reading it with the analytical eyes of a businessman.

 

He then looked up at the lynx and TJ swallowed hard.

 

“Where did you take your resume today?” Richard asked, his expression still business-like. It felt like a job interview.

 

“Uh, to all clinics in the downtown area and surrounds. Oh, and Parkview Medical Center. Uh, I did also apply to other things that weren’t in my fie-”

 

Richard was looking down at the resume again, one hand raised to silence TJ in mid-sentence. That made the lynx feel intimidated and somewhat annoyed. Flynn had walked to his side now and they briefly shared a look, before the gila crossed his arms. If Richard saw it and were ignoring or not, it was not clear.

 

“Parkview, huh? Know, I write them a nice check every year,” he looked up at TJ and adjusted his glasses. “I’m sure they can fit another physiotherapist with a little experience on their team.”

 

TJ smiled, his ears perking up. “Really? Oh, thank you! Think they won’t mind my, uh, the problem I had when I quit WellMart?”

 

Now the goat finally broke his cold ‘boss’ expression, tilting his head in curiosity. “What problem?”

 

“Well…” TJ felt himself slumping at the thought, “first, we had this shoplifter that I kinda failed to keep in the store… he just shoved me aside and ran away. That made the manager angry at me… then I quit to go to Canada, to spend Christmas and New year with my family, but the manager got mad because I didn’t give a two weeks notice and, uhm, now anyone who calls them, will see I have a negative point on my record. I actually didn’t get one job because of that, today.”

 

“I see.” Richard’s features became hard, his eyes narrowed. He looked down at the resume at his lap. “I see. Well… who was your manager?”

 

“Mr. Dalton, I believe,” TJ answered. The lynx wondered why Richard had asked that.

 

The goat uncrossed his legs in a lady-like manner and got up. He tossed the paper plate on the nearby trash bin and then smiled at them. “Well, don’t worry about that, darling. As of tomorrow, your record will be cleaner than a newborn kitten’s conscience. I just advice you to have your phone nearby - you never know when you’ll be getting a call saying you got the job.”

 

He then nodded slightly, his expression back to what they usually saw in the mall. “Mr. Moore, Mr. Hess.” He smiled again, “I’ll see you around.”

 

Flynn blinked, then nodded. “Uh, seeya, boss.”

 

TJ waved and the goat waved back, then turned around and made it to his car.

 

“So… do you wanna go home?” Flynn asked, wrapping one arm around the lynx’s shoulder.

 

“Yeah,” TJ smiled up at the lizard. They made their way back to Flynn’s truck, the gila only unwrapping his arm from the feline once they reached it, so they could both get in.

 

As his mate drove them home, Tobias couldn’t help but think again of all that he and Richard had talked. He felt as if he were growing up and standing up for himself.

 

He would never thank God for Flynn’s near-death. He still missed Chase’s genuine friendship, and he was sure so did Flynn. And the events there traumatized them all for life.

 

But he wouldn’t deny he was happy to be with his friends… and the unexpected outcome of how his relationship with Flynn ended up.

 

Should he consider him a boyfriend? He smiled as he looked at Flynn, the gila firmly focusing on the road ahead of them. Maybe so. It was interesting how it was his idea to visit the Parkview Medical Center first. As small as it was, it was that gesture that made TJ decide Flynn was - as they call it - ‘a keeper.’

 

All in all, despite his hopelessness in the morning, it had been a good day: Flynn helped him go around to look for a job, they had met Carl and TJ saw the ram was still doing well, and Richard had helped him see things from a new perspective. His boyfriend was now driving them home and would likely make something nice for dinner and, if Richard was right, he would get a good job soon. All his worries now were about where to take Flynn that coming Saturday.

 

The lynx leaned back against the old, smelly truck seat and sighed contently. For the first time in the last two years, he _knew_ things would be alright.

 

He silently thanked God for whatever had made him save Flynn’s life back in Echo. 

 

And he meant it.


	23. A Change of Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still with too much free time and little conditions to do any of his hobbies, Flynn is invited for a hike with TJ. Once he sees Richard was there, he decides to ask the goat for a favor, which changes both his and TJ's plans for their date, and Richard's views of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really happy with this one, but it is bridging a gap and covering a few holes that would appear otherwise, should I proceed with what I'm writing next.
> 
> Warning: change of perspective on its last part.

**A Change of Plans**

 

Flynn brushed his teeth while thinking about the previous week’s events.

 

It was really interesting for Flynn to see how TJ seemed to grow on Richard. The goat was usually serious even with Luiz, from what little he could observe.

 

Maybe it was because both of them were Christians while also surrounding themselves with gay men? It couldn’t be it, and the gila genuinely had no fucking clue about what made the lynx befriend his boss.

 

That didn’t matter, in the end. Richard seemed to be helping TJ with what he could, the same way Luiz had been helping him.

 

Having been the Head Clerk in Echo, and working unloading freight before, Flynn had no idea what to do now he had a break for two weeks. Sure, he has a few hobbies, but he didn’t know any decent - and legal - spots for fishing in Pueblo, he wouldn’t go nag his boss to use his shooting range (that and it would get boring quickly anyway), and - most of all - he wanted to do something with TJ. He had been glad for having the chance to help him look for a job that Tuesday, both to start paying back the lynx for all the kindness he has given to him, and also so he got to spend the entire day with TJ.

 

But Wednesday came. They didn’t have much money, so the entertainment options were very limited. It was summer, so TJ proposed they went for a swim. A quick look at Flynn’s reaction - the gila did not intend to look upset at the idea - dissuaded the lynx.

 

Flynn had never been much for swimming, but he hated the idea of entering any body of water since nearly drowning. He was happy that they had a shower stall, and not a bathtub.

 

It was a mixture of amusement and bitterness to the lizard, to remember how he had been so insensitive about TJ’s triggers, while now he knew what the sensation of being triggered felt.

 

His thoughts drifted back to Tuesday evening: Jenna had started a mini-rant against guns when he had came back home with two boxes of ammo. TJ did actually take the initiative then - much for everyone’s surprise - and explained that it was so Flynn would be promoted and earn more. Flynn also explained that the three people training him - as if he needed it - were overqualified: Luiz had taken almost every single course he could in Pinkerton (and they both knew what he used to be before crossing the border), Angelo was a corporal in the Marines and Liao had been in the PLA for four years.

 

That was enough to make the fennec cross her arms and begrudgingly drop the subject. Oh, she did do the little ‘humph’ and did grimace a little, but her ears soon perked up and they soon moved on, the vixen asking about how was their job hunt. The gila understood then that, maybe with her upbringing, she wasn’t okay with with the whole gun culture of Arizona - he frankly did not know much about her parents, but shouldn’t be much of a stretch.

 

Or maybe she simply disliked guns. Either way, he had learned to not push the issue.

 

As TJ had talked in detail about their day together - which meant they ended up finishing the story over dinner by the time he reached his conversation with Richard - Flynn allowed his thoughts to wander. The gila was starting to feel a little worried himself about the upcoming date. He had no issues about whether he could behave well in one of those - that stuff was relatively easy: All he had to do is be himself. He did not even feel it was necessary, but if that was what TJ wanted, he would not deny it.

 

TJ had stopped talking now and noticed him looking. The lynx smiled at him so broadly that his eyes almost closed. Flynn could not resist and smile back - he really liked when TJ did that. The gila briefly let go of his fork to gently stroke TJ’s left paw.

 

The feline chuckled and they both resumed eating. Flynn briefly flickered his eyes to Jenna and could see an expression of amusement on her face. He wondered if she was one of those gay manga - was it ‘yaoi’? - fangirls that got sexually excited at the sight of two males showing affection. If that was the case, the gila figured it would be a fun way to tease her… once TJ got comfortable with kissing him.

 

And then his smile dropped. While they did cuddle a little, and TJ allowed him to kiss the top of his head, Flynn really wanted to make out with the feline. To please him and fully shower him with his affection. He cursed himself for having brought it on himself by being an asshole to him for years.

 

After he had finished doing the dishes and found himself with one arm wrapped around TJ’s shoulder, the younger male leaning on him, as both of them half-watched a game show, the gila realized that, maybe, he should try to put an effort on that date as well. After all, if that was important to TJ, it should be important to him.

 

At least, it was how he saw it.

 

Someone knocked at the door and Flynn spat on the sink. He looked at his wrist watch and realized he had spent almost ten minutes brushing his teeth while daydreaming.

 

“Come on, Flynn, have you gone down the drain?” Jenna’s voice asked on the other side, sounding as if she were in a hurry.

 

The lizard quickly washed his mouth, gargled with water and spat. He decided to wipe the water on the back of his hand as to not delay much longer. Poor Jenna likely needed the bathroom.

 

He opened the door and, truly enough, the fennec scurried inside, slamming the door shut. Flynn chuckled: She really _did_ need to use the toilet.

 

Upon walking to the kitchen-slash-living room, the gila noticed TJ humming as he prepared a backpack. The lynx wore shorts that went down to his knees and a light t-shirt. And his ever-present cross.

 

That morning, he had asked Flynn to wear a similar outfit, because he had a surprise. At first, being groggy from waking up, the gila did not figure why his mate asked him that, but went ahead with it.

 

Only when he had been showering that he figured TJ wanted to go on one of the nearest mountains to hike. It could be anything from between forty minutes to one hour and a half drive, depending on which park they decided to go.

 

“Have you picked up where we’ll be going yet?”

 

TJ looked up at him, putting his backpack on. “Beaver Creek State Wildlife. It’s the closest range.”

 

“Alright,” the gila put his hands in the pockets of his cargo shorts. He wasn’t really a big fan of hiking, but did not mind doing that for TJ. 

 

They left as soon as Jenna went to work. Flynn had offered to carry the backpack, but TJ told him that he could wait until he was tired.

 

The drive took a little longer than his GPS predicted, almost one hour, but they found themselves facing nature in all its glory after Flynn parked his truck and both of them left the vehicle.

 

The gila had to admit the nature around them was beautiful. Maybe that was why TJ enjoyed hiking so much… though Echo did not have much of a nature to look at.

 

He discreetly looked down at TJ’s legs and shrugged. Whatever keeps the lynx looking that good was a good thing to Flynn.

 

TJ was now talking about the best route to take for their hike when Flynn noticed another vehicle in the parking lot seemed familiar. Because, indeed, it was Richard’s Jaguar.

 

It appeared his boss lived up to the stereotype of an ibex goat. Then again, that would explain how he seemed to be comfortable standing up for so long.

 

“Did you know Richard's coming along?” Flynn asked. TJ’s smile dropped, as well as his ears.

 

“Uhm, it was his idea, actually, to go hiking. It would be just me and him, but I decided to call you… sorry.”

 

Toby looked like a little kid that had been caught misbehaving, and Flynn actually felt bad that he came across as annoyed. He smiled and placed a reassuring hand on the feline’s shoulder, his thumb gently stroking that bit of fluff hanging on TJ’s cheek.

 

“It’s alright, I was just curious, that’s all.”

 

It then dawned on him that he could take the chance to see if his boss meant it, about asking him if they needed help.

 

Truth be told, if Flynn wanted to put in some effort for their Saturday date, he should ask his boss. Usually, he would wear the same pants and shirt he wore back when he went to the Sweatshop, but gave up on the idea. It felt wrong to him somehow.

 

Which is where his boss came in. He needed to convince Richard to aid him both in finding a decent place that wouldn’t be too expensive for them, and to indicate him where to buy new clothes of his style that wouldn’t put a huge dent in the gila’s wallet either.

 

True enough, they found Richard further ahead, stretching by a sign indicating the trails should be daylight use-only. TJ walked ahead and greeted the goat, who smiled and returned it, then turned around to see Flynn, his smile dropping a little.

 

“It’s a good thing he managed to convince you to come,” he said, “I tried to convince Lulu today, but he retorted that he would rather work five shifts in a row than walk more than the distance to the liquor store. That and, last time he came, he made a scene.”

 

Now that was something Flynn never imagined that would happen. “How did he make a scene? Did he try to fuck you in plain sight?”

 

The goat chuckled. “Nah, that was the second time we came here. Last time, he grabbed a park worker and asked why aren’t they all beavers, so the park’s name was false advertisement,” he looked at TJ, who was now stretching his legs, “you’re lucky your lizard don’t act inconvenient when he’s doing something he dislikes,” Richard chuckled. “That’s part of Luiz’s charm, though.”

 

Flynn almost made a joke about his boss’ selective immaturity, but decided to be quiet. He knew that he, personally, was mature for quite a few things and, as painful as it was to admit, fucking hopeless in other matters.

 

So, they started their long walk. Due to Flynn coming, they decided to pick a relatively short, easy trail - it would take only about five hours for them to finish, with regular breaks. Fun fun fun.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As they went on, it dawned on Flynn that hiking was much more fun than he had thought. Sure, his feet ached a little (Flynn thought with some amusement about how weird it was to use ‘paws’ as most mammals did), and all three of them were sweaty by the time they reached half of their short hiking trail.

 

It had a beautiful view, with a small river running between the mountains, disappearing around one of them and into the forest. The sound someone opening a water bottle, breaking its plastic seal, turned the gila’s attention back to Richard and TJ. Both of them had pulled out a handful of trail mixes and one large water bottle. Richard apparently had his own military-style flask, but the goat just drank a couple of gulps of his water, and ate little.

 

If anything, he seemed to be in as just as high spirits as TJ. Flynn did not mean to stare, but it actually was nice to see the lynx being happy again. That and it was interesting to see how his sweat-covered fur matted against him. Slyly, the gila tasted the air with his tongue, to better feel the smell of his lover. It was very vulgar to do it, but he had mastered the art of doing it unnoticed.

 

Except they were in the company of someone that had experience living with a lecherous lizard. While TJ did not notice, the gila found himself under Richard’s glare. He was intimidating, though it was hard to explain why.

 

The gila reached for a bag of trail mix to try and avoid Richard’s glare, making it look like he hadn’t noticed it. But, as soon as his eyes looked up again, the goat was still looking at him.

 

Only that time, Richard had a hint of a smile on his pink-beige lips. The kind of smirk that said ‘I know what you did there, but won’t tell,’ which usually a friend would give.

 

They talked for a few more minutes, about their daily lives and other news and pleasantries. TJ had told the goat a few things about the upcoming date with Flynn, but when Richard had asked where he was taking the older male to, the lynx sheepishly admitted he was a little short on cash.

 

After they started to get ready to move again, TJ excused himself and made way to a little further down where they had came from, then entering the woods. He would never outright state he was going to piss, but by now Flynn had learned to not give him a hard time about his prudish attitude.

 

When they were alone, Richard broke the silence:

 

“So, you’re both going on a date this Saturday, huh? Makes sense, since you didn’t that day at the mall…” the goat trailed off. Flynn did not feel comfortable having that conversation with Richard. They were not close enough for that, and it annoyed him a little.

 

However, with what he had learned so far, all he did was grind his teeth and nod.

 

“I’m glad things are going well for you two. However… I know both of you are, how could I put it… lacking the funds to make it a more memorable experience.”

 

Flynn sighed. “Look, Rich, I…” the gila was about to, as diplomatically as he could, drop the subject, when it dawned on him.

 

He would like to wear his best clothes for the date. But when most of his shit had been stolen and, later, due the conditions he lived in, he did not have anything other than what he wore back at the Sweatshop. He did not want to wear that outfit for his date with Toby.

 

The thought of it just felt wrong. As fucking stupid as it sounded.

 

However, on his salary, after paying the bills, Flynn had barely enough left to buy the expensive food he - and his roomates - enjoyed. So, he had to wear was one fucking good shirt he didn’t feel comfortable with wearing for that date, plus two uniforms, and all the rest were his white, blue or light beige shirts and slacks.

 

So, as uncomfortable as he felt, as humiliating as it was to him, and as much as it made him feel like a parasite, Flynn sighed, then licked his lips to try and form words. He could see TJ making his way back.

 

“Well, Richard, I need your help. I don’t have anything halfway nice to wear.”

 

The goat hummed and eyed him up and down. “I can buy you a new outfit. No problem. And in your style - as trashy and boring as it is,” Flynn was starting to regret asking it.

 

“Alright,” it was all the gila said. By now, TJ was done pissing and was almost back where they were. Flynn decided to put on the lynx’s backpack now.

 

Sure, Flynn knew he could just not eat expensive stuff, but he could not stomach the prospect of living on a canned food and processed chicken ass every day. Not after his time doing just that while he was living in a trailer.

 

That and, after some time, he learned to enjoy seeing the lynx’s satisfaction when eating his cooking.

 

They started walking again, Flynn decided to talk to Jenna that night and tell her that they may have a more meager meals for a while. He had already told her - despite her refusal - he will be paying the bulk of the bills until TJ gets paid. He knew she did not earn enough since most of her clients ran out of cash themselves.

 

Thinking of Jenna made him smile fondly. He still found impossible to believe that, after all the shit between them they had ended up becoming real friends. He never liked when she called him manipulative, as if he were some movie villain.

 

It then dawned on Flynn that he could actually be a bit manipulative, within Richard’s earshot. Part of him made himself feel like an asshole for it, while the rest felt that was a little humiliating. But he was doing it for his, TJ and Jenna’s sake.

 

“So, Teej, when’s the hospital folks calling you for the interview?”

 

TJ raised his brows, then smiled. “Ah, I think they’ll be doing that either tomorrow or Friday.”

 

“Yeah, that’s what they told me,” Richard said.

 

“I’m not sure I’ll get the job, though. I mean, what if I fu- fudge up the interview?” TJ’s ears lowered.

 

“No, you won’t,” the goat cut in with a smirk that told both the younger males TJ would get the job simply because Richard would make it so.

 

“Good,” Flynn licked his lips. It was time. “By the way Rich, could you lend me some money? We kinda just have barely enough to pay the rent, the electricity and the water bills this month.”

 

He did not mention their low telephone and internet bills. Or the fact he and Jenna were considering subscribing to Webflicks. Part of his compromise was to handle those for Jenna and TJ. Especially since the subscription of the latter two were in his name.

 

“Hm. I see.” The goat rubbed his goatee in thought, eyes narrowed and looking far ahead. Richard actually picked up speed while doing so, which forced TJ and Flynn to keep up with him.

 

Eventually, he walked even faster, then turned around and stopped to look at them. The younger men stopped on their tracks, Flynn knowing Richard had picked a hole in Flynn’s comment.

 

“I know you need a new tacky shirt. But are you two also having a hard time to pay the bills? Flynn, I’m not giving you a raise before you prove to me you deserve it. I can lend you some cash, but that is about it.”

 

“Shit, I tried.” Flynn forced an apologetic smile. “It’s just that, with the upcoming date, and Teej’s still, well…”

 

TJ now looked at Flynn with a hint of incredulity. The gila wondered if his companion had figured what he was trying to do. Before the lynx could say something, however, Richard cleared his throat. They snapped their heads back at the goat.

 

“I see. Alright,” Richard removed his glasses and wiped the sweat off his brow, then massaged the bridge of his muzzle, before putting it back on.

 

“Alright,” he continued, “I see your point. Yeah, going out somewhere nice and do something fun can empty out one’s wallet, Luiz used to say, so I tell you what;” this time the goat seemed to be a little nervous, “If I’m to be indirectly paying for your little date, well, then why not make it more memorable?”

 

TJ splayed his ears, now unsure what to think about it. Flynn himself wondered just how bad he had fucked up.

 

“So, I remembered it has been a while since I took Lulu anywhere nice. So my proposal is at follows: Make it a double-date. Luiz and I will handle the bill.”

 

_Oh. So that was how much he had fucked up._

 

Flynn acknowledged that it was kind of a gamble to bring up their difficulties to guilty Richard, but he genuinely just wanted some extra to help them have a decent time. A double-date with his bosses awkwardly looking at them from the other side of the table made him feel uneasy.

 

Before he could protest, TJ gave him a look that he could not quite identify, then nodded at the goat with a smile. “Really? That’s great! Thank you, Richard! Where will you be taking us?”

 

The goat chuckled, a bit of relief showing on the middle-aged man’s expression. “Well, there’s this Italian place Luiz and I came when we first arrived here. I have fond memories of that restaurant… and the food was pretty great. And quite affordable, by the way - Lulu paid the bill then.”

 

“Sounds good. I like Italian.” TJ smiled.

 

“I hope it won’t be much of a bother, really…” Flynn decided to intercede. He really did not like where this was going.

 

“Not at all, Flynn,” Richard grinned broadly, “I’m glad to be helping you two. And to, in turn, remember of my own good times in the past…”

 

Flynn sighed and forced a smile. No use changing it now. They continued walking and, sometime during that, TJ pulled close to him. He felt the lynx’s paw touching his shoulder and looked down to see TJ smiling up at him.

 

That made Flynn feel more at ease, for he knew that he, accidentally, had done the right thing.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The hike had ended up taking a little longer than they imagined. Still, Flynn could not complain. His feet were a little sore from walking over pebbles and the overgrown trails. When he had approached his truck and unlocked the door, he was approached by his boss.

 

Richard told him to get ready to go out to a clothing store with him. The goat extended the same invitation to TJ, but the lynx politely turned it down. Four times. Eventually, the goat just shrugged and said goodbye, making way to his own vehicle.

 

The drive back home was shorter, and Flynn and TJ chatted about their prospects for the future. TJ was still a little unsure about the interview going well and, after Flynn told him that it would all be alright, he then expressed doubts about how well he would be treated by his bosses and coworkers, since he was being technically fit into the team because of Richard’s influence.

 

Flynn thought a little, then shrugged as he held the wheel. “I think that’d be bullshit. You already have experience, you are young, and good-looking,” he briefly looked at TJ with a smirk. TJ chuckled and looked away, embarrassed.

 

“Besides, if somebody gives ya shit, I can just tell Rich. If they said they’re willing to help, why not do it?”

 

TJ’s smile now dropped and he sighed. “By the way, it was kind of… bad, the way you used our difficulties to ask for help.”

 

It was now Flynn’s turn to sigh. He flexed his shoulders so they wouldn’t slump. He licked his lips and tried to think carefully on what to say next.

 

“Well, can’t take it back now. Besides, you didn’t seem to mind his double-date proposal.”

 

“Yeah…” TJ trailed off, looking out of the window, then turning back to Flynn. “But you did.”

 

The lizard briefly looked at him in shock, then back at the road. _‘Shit, how did he know?’_ was all Flynn thought.

 

His mate took a deep breath and exhaled, “You… you never hid how you felt very well,” Flynn looked at TJ and saw the lynx motioning to his own face with his paw. “Your expressions, I mean.”

 

“Ah,” Flynn said, and they remained in silence for a few more minutes.

 

The gila knew he had fucked up. Still, had he really? Flynn knew he was not stupid (just hard-headed), so he also acknowledged Richard and Luiz had played a huge part in making him and TJ an item.

 

“Aw, fuck. Alright, I admit it, I maybe should’ve just asked him straight away without the little ‘woe is me’ before it. Alright, I fucked up. But,” he looked at TJ. The lynx was still looking at him, “I still look forward to Saturday,” he finished and flashed a hopeful smile.

 

TJ’s ears perked up and he smiled in return. “Yeah. Me too.”

 

They continued talking about this and that, all the way to Pueblo, and also while getting into their apartment.

 

By the time they were back, Flynn had to quickly whip up a salad and fish fillets, and then, TJ and Jenna just talked briefly. Jenna was pleased to know Richard reassured the lynx that he would get his job.

 

Later, when Flynn came out of his shower, he found TJ there, in the dark, waiting for him. Usually, he would give the feline his ‘goodnight kiss’ to the forehead and go to shower, and that was about it.

 

That night, instead, TJ wrapped him in a hug and buried his muzzle on Flynn’s bare chest, getting some of his fur wet with the droplets of water that still ran through the lizard’s scales. Flynn chuckled and, as usual, put his muzzle on top of TJ’s head, smelling the scent of his shampoo and a vague hint of musk on the lynx’s fur.

 

“Thanks for hiking with me. I know you’re not fond of that…”

 

Flynn could not resist kissing the lynx’s forehead, and so he did it. And again. It was now TJ who let out a chuckle that warmed the gila inside.

 

“Anytime, Toby.”

 

TJ looked up at him. “Well… good night. I’ll love to see what you’re going to wear.”

 

“Then you’ll have to wait ‘till Saturday.” Flynn smirked smugly. 

 

The lynx showed his tongue in response - a gesture so childish that made TJ’s already boyish face look much more adorable. The gila could not resist pulling him back into a hug and kissing his head again.

 

They chuckled once more and, after a few more moments, broke their embrace and TJ made his way to his bedroom, while Flynn laid on the futon.

 

Flynn wasn’t sure, but he could almost swear the lynx had kissed his chest the second time they embraced.

 

The thought comforted him.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Richard looked over the balcony of his opulent apartment - well, more like the entire upper floor - of the high-class estate he lived in. He could see the River Walk late at night, and he had once considered the view beautiful, especially with little to no people around.

 

The goat sighed. That wonderful view became mundane long ago. He wondered if some rich people were vain simply because they were bored with so much money sitting there.

 

He had to admit that, maybe, he had judged Flynn Moore too hard. Sure, he was still an asshole at times, and his manners were lacking, but he did not like the gila the moment Luiz had shown up with him and _demanded_ the goat to hire the young lizard.

 

Not only that, but also  _with a month’s pay upfront,_ so he could rent the same cockroach’s nest that Luiz had spent a month in back when they had one big fight, after Luiz got expelled from the police and was almost arrested.

 

It was back when they had almost broken up. 

 

Luiz had rarely smiled or shown any sign of joy since then, until that winter he had brought the gila to his office.

 

Despite his quick judgement on Flynn, he still considered himself a good judge of character. And that was how he knew Flynn actually did find humiliating to ask for help, hence his thinly-disguised attempt at manipulation.

 

He heard Luiz’s footsteps coming from behind him. Eventually, the fat tegu showed up and flashed a smile at him. The goat returned it and Luiz looked down at the River Walk. The tegu, like Richard, just wore his underwear. In Luiz’s case, navy-blue boxer briefs. Richard wore one of his preferred black and pink jockstraps. And his “doe collar,” of course.

 

His mind shifted back to his husband’s younger friends. Flynn had done that stupid little act for his friend - and boyfriend’s - sake. That was a trait Richard had always admired in people: To successfully put other people’s priorities over one’s own.

 

Richard was always glad to help. Sooner or later, it turned out to be a good thing to do - it meant he would have people who owed him a favor or three.

 

Even when he had ended up just being used by others, where he had learned to not allow others to take advantage if him, it still did not bother his conscience. If it meant he could ask for a favor in return, and he would also be making one's life better, he never saw any reason as to why not give people in need a hand. Sure, he was aware part of his reasons were cynical.

 

But the world gave no quarter to dreamers and idealists, as sad as that was.

 

His thoughts drifted back to TJ and Flynn’s difficulties. What little Richard knew of poverty, he knew only through what he saw from a screen or in passing, and what he had heard from others, especially from Luiz’s stories. While he knew that, maybe, he did not pay enough to his employees, he also knew he could not pay them all well without taking a massive hit to his lifestyle.

 

The goat briefly looked at his tegu husband. Luiz seemed to be distracted, picking his nose. Richard rolled his eyes, then thought about how the tegu did not make much of his business both because he had insisted Richard owned part of it (for providing him with the funds to start his security company), and because he paid as much as he could to his employees. Most of the profit he made was either saved to be donated later or… well, Richard did not know.

 

He knew the tegu certainly did not send money to his mother. He knew it because he had done that for Luiz. And without his knowledge. While his mother had a decent pension from his father, she had not aged well and her medicines were much too expensive for the elderly lizard to pay.

 

Luiz refused to help, saying that he should not be grateful for someone ‘simply for spawning him without his consent’ to the world - whatever he meant with that.

 

Despite knowing his stories, the goat decided to ask him something he had wanted to for years:

 

“What is it like to be poor?”

 

Luiz had been busy lighting up a cigarette. The tegu looked at him with one raised brow, saying a ‘hm?’ in question. He then took a drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke upwards, so as to not hit the goat straight in the face with it. The lizard then seemed to think.

 

“Eh, I can’t really explain. Just that you don’t have everything you want, you struggle to pay bills and eat, your home sometimes falls apart and you either lack the cash, the stamina, the will or all of the above to fix it.”

 

He scratched his fat jowls with one of his long claws, taking another drag of his cig. “Well, that and you kinda lose your will to do most things,” he continued, smoke coming out as he spoke, “you basically live like this: Eight to ten hours a day at work, one to four hours going to and from work and, with some luck, some five to eight hours of sleep, then the rest is meant to pay bills, buy the basest of amenities, taking care of your house, spending time with family, etc… we do have hobbies, but they’re usually limited to what little money and time we can spare.”

 

He then looked at Richard, his smile was bitter, and the goat did not like the expression. Especially coupled with what he said next:

 

“Oh, and most of us are stupid enough to believe we can get to your level with just hard work, and no luck involved. Others do outright worship rich folks. And then there’s the _tios_ like me who hate the wealthy.”

 

“Then why did you marry me?” Richard smiled, genuinely curious.

 

The tegu took a drag and blew some more smoke. “Because, after meetin’ ya, I learned to hate motherfuckers individually, and not entire categories.” He grinned. Richard laughed at his answer.

 

Richard felt the tegu approach him from behind and wrap his arms around his thin frame. He leaned back against the lizard’s touch and nuzzled him. The tegu awkwardly positioned himself so he could plant a kiss on the goat’s lips, and Richard helped him.

 

“I love you, Richard. And don’t be afraid of becoming poor. There’s always stupid rich folk afraid stupid criminal folks will take their nice trinkets, so they hire stupid poor folks like me to protect their asses.” The tegu chuckled. Richard couldn’t help but laugh at that.

 

“I love you too, Luiz.” Richard knew Luiz misunderstood the reason of that question, but that was okay.

 

Luiz finished smoking and flicked the cigarette at some drunkard passing by. As they made their way back to the bedroom, Richard was glad that he had given in and hired Flynn. The gila and his friends had made Luiz much less bitter. And he would be eternally thankful for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: Corrected grammar mistakes pointed to me by my boyfriend :3


	24. Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After juggling different matters in a busy Friday, TJ is finally as ready as he can ever be for Saturday night. TJ tries to battle his own anxiety over his lack of experience with the whole 'dating' thing to try and have a good time with Flynn.
> 
> A few unexpected events during the night prompt the young lynx to think about how much he and Flynn had changed from their experiences, and how they might change even more in the near future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy, this one was the second chapter I wrote after a single sit down. I spent from 8 pm of this Saturday to 5 am of this Sunday writing (and erasing, editing, re-writing...) this thing. I hope you guys like it.

**Saturday**

 

The last two days had been busy for TJ.

 

First, he fished his best clothes from the back of his wardrobe, and they smelled like mould. After washing them twice failed to remove the smell, the lynx had them sent to a professional dry cleaning.

 

His outfit wasn’t anything impressive: Just an expensive light blue polo shirt and beige slacks. Still, they did bring out his blue eyes - at least was what Jenna told him.

 

After that, he and Flynn split to pay multiple bills at the same time. It was Jenna’s idea, since they discovered that it would be faster than have just one of them spend the entire day standing in lines to do so.

 

The lynx also took the chance to inquire about learning to drive. He had not told anyone about that, deciding he would announce that at the date. If anything, to see how Flynn would react to the news.

 

He hoped the gila would be happy for him, even if his more cynical side told him Flynn would most likely react in his usual distant way, merely acknowledging the news without interest.

 

Later that Friday, as the three of them sat on the futon and watched an Adastra rerun (complete with Flynn riffing the cheezy dialogue, bad fighting scenes and cheap special effects), he got a call from Parkview Medical Center. They had rescheduled the job interview for Monday. TJ felt glad: He had thought they wouldn’t even call as promised.

 

After that, the lynx went to bed anxious about the upcoming events; the date, the job interview, starting to attend driving school, and the prospect of working in a new environment.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

He did not sleep well that night. The same nightmares kept him awake. Despite how much he was used to them by now, the fact they were starting to become more rare made them hit harder.

 

And, despite his heart-to-heart with Flynn in the previous year, TJ still felt guilty whenever he had those nightmares.

 

The lynx got out of bed and stretched, idly reminding himself to get ready quickly: He had an appointment with Carla. Then he would have to go to the dry cleaning to pick his clothes up. But the rest of his day would be free and just waiting for the time where Flynn would pick him up.

 

Despite living together, Flynn’s boss insisted to have the gila pick him up to ‘not ruin the magic.’ He thought Richard would have found it silly, but the goat was surprisingly silent on the tegu’s insistence.

 

Still, it all felt charming to him. Novel, even.

 

One hour and a half later, TJ found himself face-to-face with Carla. Flynn had dropped him off and went to town so he could meet Richard and get his outfit.

 

Their session went through as usual. TJ told her about the latest events in his life, his feelings about them, and that the nightmares had not ended.

 

“I’m afraid they will not end, Tobias,” said Carla, “in my experience, such traumatic events will stay with us forever. What we can do, however, is learn how to cope and live with them. Are you taking your medication?”

 

“Yes,” the lynx nodded for emphasis.

 

“Good, good,” the owl wrote down something on her notes, then adjusted her glasses. “I have something to tell you, Tobias.”

 

 _‘Oh, no,’_ TJ thought. The way the avian folded her paws (claws? hands?) over the desk and stared at him meant it was going to be bad news.

 

“We are closing down. Business has been bad and… long, short story, next week is going to be our last sessions.”

 

The lynx opened his mouth to speak, but Carla held one of her taloned hands up. “However, if you so desire, we can arrange to continue your therapy in my own home office or I could meet you in your own place. Of course, and I won’t lie, that means we might have to readjust my monthly fee. We will see how it goes. I promise to keep my rates as low as I can, especially if I find another job.”

 

Silence dominated the room after Carla was done speaking. TJ rubbed his arm as he took in all that information. He asked himself if all of that troubled him and, surprisingly, his main worries were the money spent and if that meant both she and Jenna would be out of a job. He looked up at Carla and realized she knew what he was going to ask next.

 

“Obviously, I am telling you as your therapist, so you have time to adjust. I believe your friend will find herself in a similar situation than my own. Of course, if she says anything, it will be at her discretion.”

 

TJ understood the message: Don’t talk to Jenna about it - just wait until she tells him the news.

 

“That was all, Mr. Hess. I shall see you Monday at four.”

 

“Alright. Oh! I nearly forgot - Parkview Medical Center called. They rescheduled the job interview - it’ll be Monday morning!” TJ smiled, though part of him felt as if he was rubbing it on her face - and it made him feel a little guilty.

 

The owl did not seem upset. If anything, her eyes showed her smile. “Well, congratulations. I hope you make it,” she wrote something more on her notes, “I shall see you Monday, Tobias. Have a nice day.”

 

“Thanks, Doctor. You too.” The lynx felt a little better that the owl seemed happy for him.

 

After stepping out of the clinic, TJ fished his phone. He had better go get his outfit soon.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Two hours later, TJ sighed contently as he crossed the threshold into the apartment. Through his day, he had exchanged a few messages with Carl and Jenna. Mostly about the upcoming double-date and a few jokes from the ram.

 

Tobias had to admit it was crossing into uncomfortable territory when Carl made a joke at Flynn’s expense, something about scat fetish. Luckly, the ram seemed to quickly realize his slip up and apologized, before changing the subject.

 

He had also been asked by Carl if their relationship could be given a shout in his next video. At first, TJ did not understand what it meant, but after an explanation, the lynx’s confusion now shifted to the ram’s motivation for that.

 

Carl explained that, if the date worked out, he was just happy his two friends hooked up and would like to share it with his fans. That and he also jokingly mentioned it would bring more likes to his video. Carl then promptly asked if they would be available to appear in one or two of them, maybe playing a game they’re not used to for the amusement of his fans.

 

While TJ did not really like the idea of being made fun of, he figured it could be fun. It would be nice to hang out with Carl again, especially with Flynn. So, in the end, all the lynx told Carl was that he ‘would think about it.’

 

The last message was from Flynn, telling TJ to get ready. TJ spent a few moments trying to think of something better than ‘Ok. See you soon.’ as an answer, but couldn’t think of anything. He looked at the watch and realized he better take a shower and get ready, since he had only about one hour before the gila would show up.

 

As he meticulously cleaned himself in the shower, the lynx couldn’t help but wonder what kind of clothes Richard had picked up for the gila. Whatever it was, he was about to find out soon.

 

A smile tugged on TJ’s black lips: He never thought he would be doing this. Or that Flynn would be going out of his way to try and please him.

 

Speaking of that word, the lynx trailed his paw lower on his body to address another pressing need of his.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It was about six in the afternoon and TJ found himself sitting on the futon playing with his phone. The lynx was usually tidy and neat, but he had to admit to himself he had really done a good job. A faint smell of cologne wafted from him - it was the same thing his father had used and he had gotten a small flask from his mother last Christmas, but he felt bad using it so often, having saved it for special occasions like a party, a celebration, an important job interview…

 

Or a date.

 

Flynn was punctual. A little before the clock struck seven, the lynx heard the characteristic honk of the gila’s truck. His ears perked up and he went to the window.

 

And there he was. Flynn had parked his shabby truck by the apartment and looked up straight at TJ. The lynx noticed his neat, form-fitting designer shirt. It was a dark blue, and did a great job at highlighting the gila’s muscles. He also wore dark gray pants, which was not a surprise - except those also looked new.

 

The gila arched his brows and TJ realized he was waiting. The lynx waved at him and grabbed his wallet, phone and keys while making his way to the door. All the while, TJ couldn’t help but feel anxious. He felt ashamed of the feeling, as it felt like a need to go to the bathroom even though he knew he did not need to.

 

Sure, he could call it ‘butterflies in his stomach,’ but it did not change the feeling.

 

The lynx locked the apartment door and quickly made his way downstairs, his padded paws not making a sound. Once he was down, he found himself face-to-face with Flynn and did not know what to say.

 

Fortunately for him, the gila started talking after they spent a few seconds in silence:

 

“You look great.”

 

“Thank you,” TJ felt his ears getting hot, “and so do you.”

 

Flynn nodded and TJ could swear he saw a hint of a smile on the gila’s lips. “Let’s go,” Flynn said, then opened the passenger door for him.

 

He could notice Flynn’s movements were stiff and awkward, and the gila had hesitated a bit before he had opened the passenger door. Tobias wondered if it had been because he had been doing this against his will or because someone told him it would be nice.

 

“Thank you,” TJ nodded and got in, “but there’s no need to be so formal.”

 

Flynn had entered and closed his door, then gripped his steering wheel and sighed. “I know, I know… I just don’t wanna fuck this up.”

 

Definitely, he had asked either the tegu or the goat what to do.

 

As they drove to the restaurant, TJ realized it might have been the real reason why Richard decided it should be a double-date. He knew he and Luiz were already pretty close and could go to practically any place they desired. 

 

Maybe the goat just thought it would be for the best to keep a close eye on them.

 

From what he had heard from Flynn during the first months they got closer (it felt like a long time ago), Richard really did not like him. Perhaps the goat, even though he now Flynn had grown on him, still viewed him with a hint of mistrust.

 

That thought made TJ bite his cheek and lower his ears. While he knew Flynn had been a little rough about the edges, and sometimes outright mean in the past, it made him feel bad to see some people still did not want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

Though he supposed that was how people behaved with about everyone. Not much room to give mere acquaintances the benefit of doubt these days, as sad as it was…

 

He was still anxious. Looking at Flynn, he could see the gila was focused on the road. Maybe he felt nervous as well.

 

Soon enough, they parked in front of a beautiful-looking italian restaurant. They both dismounted from Flynn’s truck almost simultaneously and TJ looked around. It was a warm night, despite a cold breeze that would blow once in a while. The restaurant itself was relatively large and built in a faux-roman style, with large glass windows between the ‘columns’. They also appeared to have a small fountain in the parking lot, made in a style imitating those which could be found in Italy. The place had a valet - a hawk - that seemed to look at Flynn’s truck with barely-disguised disdain and did not offer to park the truck. Tobias could tell that it upset the gila, the way Flynn’s features hardened as he glared at the avian.

 

TJ looked up to read the restaurant’s name, but as soon as he started (he couldn’t get past the ‘Calábbria’) when another vehicle pulled on the lot. It was Richard’s car, blaring some kind of pop song.

 

The music stopped and the goat emerged from the driver’s seat, wearing black trousers and a form-fitting red turtleneck. From the passenger side, Luiz came out and the lynx’s sensitive ears could pick the suspension of Richard’s Jaguar S-type creaking as they were relieved of the tegu’s weight. Luiz wore navy blue pants with a light blue shirt and a navy blue vest matching his pants (topped with a folded handkerchief on the left breast pocket matching the colour of the shirt).

 

After they left, the valet promptly walked to the newer arrivals. TJ and Flynn exchanged a look and approached, in time to catch the goat pointing at them.

 

“...And they, they’re with us,” Richard was saying, “I want you to park their truck in a very nice spot, preferably between that yellow Gallardo and our S-Type. Think you can do that, darling?”

 

The hawk promptly nodded and turned to face Flynn, politely asking for the truck’s keys. The gila visibly resisted the urge to say something smart and picked it from the keychain containing the apartment and other keys of which TJ did not know what were for. The valet then went to work, under Luiz’s supervision, parking Flynn’s battered truck with all the care of the world, before doing the same with Richard’s car.

 

“I don’t trust leavin’ the keys with those _idiotas,”_ the tegu said with a visible sneer on his face as they made their way to the interior of the building. They appeared to have live music in the form of a small band that included, from what TJ could see, violins, cellos and what looked like acoustic guitars. The lynx shrugged, as he did not know the name of the instruments.

 

Despite his anxiety and his own better judgement, as soon as he felt Flynn’s elbow brush on his arm, the lynx decided to test waters and hooked his arm on the gila’s. Flynn looked down at him with a mix of surprise and confusion, before nodding and pulling him close. TJ would be purring if he could.

 

Their moment did not last long, however, as the maitre’d - an aging, chubby toad - approached them with the solemn expression of someone about to inform a family of the death of one of their members.

 

“I’m sorry, but there was a mix-up and I’m afraid that all reservations for tonight had to be cancelled for a wedding reception.”

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” TJ startled once he heard Flynn’s outburst. He unhooked his arm from the gila, ears lowering, as he felt his anxiety creeping back on him.

 

 _‘Keep it together, Tobias,’_ he thought to himself, still feeling sad that the date was ruined.

 

“I thought we had paid in advance for our reservation,” Richard crossed his arms and looked down at the maitre’d. The amphibian just retorted with an apologetic shrug.

 

“We are deeply sorry. You shall be refunded-”

 

“We don’t want a fucking refund!” Flynn now took a step forward. While he was not screaming, he had raised his voice and TJ could notice a few of the waiters inside looking at them with curiosity.

 

“Sir, please, don’t raise your voice-” the toad started answering when Luiz stepped forward, wrapping one of his massive arms around the amphibian’s shoulders and walking him further away from the group - closest to where TJ was.

 

“Listen, _amigo,_ we’re here tonight to celebrate a very, very important union, alright?”

 

The maitre’d seemed unimpressed, until the tegu finished.

 

“The union between two hundred bucks and the pocket of your jacket,” Luiz grinned, showing his yellowed teeth.

 

Now everyone - TJ included - looked at Luiz in shock. The maitre’d raised his brows and looked over the group, then back at the tegu. “Smokers or non-smokers?”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Ten minutes later, the four of them had been discreetly seated at a table on the far corner of the restaurant, closer to one of the building’s massive glass panels that let them see the parking lot with a fountain outside. TJ couldn’t help but chuckle upon spotting Flynn’s truck parked amongst a sea of luxury vehicles, standing out like a sore thumb.

 

The maitre’d had appeared with two menus, and Tobias could see the toad was highly pleased with the tip he had received. They were quick with their orders, and TJ was surprised to see Flynn had not asked for alcohol, sticking with a soda while the lynx went with orange juice.

 

“I don’t care much about wines, despite being fond of cheese,” he confessed, “and I don’t wanna risk getting pulled over on the drive home.”

 

TJ nodded. It was a nice moment. Despite Flynn’s bosses sitting across them, he felt as if it were only him and Flynn at the table. Likely because his bosses were strangely quiet.

 

Maybe they were doing that to give them room? Or to eavesdrop on them?

 

Or Richard just wanted an excuse to help them have a good time without sounding like he was not getting anything in return.

 

That was a sad result from what had happened back in Echo. TJ always found himself questioning other people’s good will towards him.

 

“TJ,” Flynn’s voice brought the lynx back to reality.

 

“Yes?” TJ blinked.

 

“Our orders have arrived. These guys work quick.”

 

“It’s the whole wedding reception thing,” Luiz said as he prepared to dig on his spaghetti carbonara, “I think their kitchen’s working at full capacity now.”

 

The tegu picked his fork, but seemed to wait until Richard joined his hands in prayer. TJ did the same and started saying his grace.

 

And praying for that night to not be a massive flop.

 

As they had finished their first order (and Luiz was done with his third plate), and were waiting for a pizza Richard had ordered for them, TJ noticed Richard and Luiz started talking amongst themselves, completely ignoring them.

 

Well, might as well enjoy the moment.

 

“I got your message,” Tobias started, “about not coming back to the apartment until it was time to pick me up to ‘not ruin the magic.’ But I’m curious… how did you spend your day?”

 

Flynn gently wiped his mouth with a napkin and licked his lips, a hint of a smile showing up in the corners of his eyes.

 

“Well… the first shirt I got was the same kind I prefer to wear. But then Richard said that shit wouldn’t fly on such a special occasion. Then he and Luiz spent a few hours lookin’ around until we found this,” he gestured to himself, “which both of us liked.”

 

He laughed and TJ joined him. “It does look great on you.”

 

“Yeah,” Flynn said, “anyway, then Luiz insisted in teaching me how to behave during a date as if I were a fuckin’ kid.”

 

“Like when I told ya to watch your fuckin’ language,” the tegu’s voice briefly caught their attention, but as they looked, Luiz and Richard were involved in some conversation as if nothing had happened. Flynn scoffed and, when he looked back at the lynx, TJ could see he seemed a little sheepish, even if he appeared to try and hide it.

 

“Uh, listen, Teej, I know you don’t like my swearing and all, but-”

 

TJ raised a paw to cut him off. Flynn was right: He didn’t like people swearing. But life had hammered into him that this was how some people were, and he should accept that.

 

Same way how he learned to accept some people did not like religion at all. He stole a slight glimpse at Luiz at the thought, remembering that day at the fast-food joint.

 

Yes, he could tell Flynn about all he had learned. But he decided to ask himself: Was it _really_ something to be upset about? Because he said things in a way he did not like but did not really cause any harm to anyone?

 

With a little chuckle, TJ figured that no, it did not bother him if it came from Flynn. After the past two years, he had learned to live with that.

 

“It’s alright, I don’t mind. Just try to tone it down, please. If you can…”

 

The gila nodded and smiled.

 

Soon, the place started getting packed are more people arrived - the guests for that wedding reception mentioned by the maitre’d - but they did not seem to mind any of them.

 

After the dessert, TJ felt himself stuffed. He couldn’t possibly eat anything anymore. A quick scan told him that two of the other occupants of their table felt the same - only the tegu seemed to be unfazed, idly leaning back on his chair, picking his teeth and checking Richard out at the same time.

 

“So…” Flynn spoke, catching TJ’s attention again, “are you having a good time?”

 

His tone sounded almost hopeful.

 

In a way, it was good to see the gila so insecure about that. It meant he likely cared.

 

“Mhm,” The lynx nodded enthusiastically and leaned against him. TJ meant it.

 

“Good. But now I have a surprise for ya.”

 

Now TJ pulled back, eyeing Flynn with suspicion. The gila searched in the pockets of his trousers and pulled a small box covered in blue velvet.

 

TJ’s heart skipped a beat. Wasn’t that going too fast?

 

Flynn opened it up and the lynx felt relieved and glad at the same time: It wasn’t an engagement ring. It was a masculine silver ring, with a cross engraved on it.

 

It was beautiful and seemed expensive.

 

“Wait a minute,” Richard’s voice cut their moment, “that’s real silver - how did you have money for it and not for a shirt?”

 

Now the goat glared daggers at Flynn. Luiz seemed mildly interested in the event, while Flynn himself seemed surprised, yet oddly calm.

 

“Simple,” the gila now glared back at Richard, “if I bought my own shirt, I wouldn’t have money for this. Since you’ve offered to help me…”

 

“He’s got a point there, Rich,” Luiz chuckled, “don’t be too hard on the kid.”

 

Richard was panting, one of his thick nails - almost like a hoof - left a small mark on the polished wood table. Then the goat smiled and relaxed.

 

“Heh, good one. I won’t hold it against you - Lulu himself kind of hustled my father to get my wedding ring…” then he went back to glaring at Flynn, adjusting his glasses.

 

“But listen to me: Don’t. Pull. This. Stunt. Again,” the goat leaned back on his seat and crossed his arms, “I don’t mind what you’ve done. But if you had told me before, I’d have been happier to help - I don’t like when people I help go around behind my back, is that understood?”

 

“Yes, Mr. Maitland. Sorry, Mr. Maitland. Won’t happen again.” Flynn answered, his tone flat.

 

“Call me ‘Richard’ when we’re not at work, _Mister_ Moore,” Richard smirked at him, then started flagging down a waiter.

 

TJ then realized he had to yet take the ring. Flynn still held the box towards him. Slowly, he took it from the gila’s scaly hands and looked over, gently running one of his pawpads over it, looking at the details engraved on the ring within. Then, he removed it and put it on his right index finger. It was a pretty good fit, with a little bit of space enough to put a claw between the silver ring and his finger even.

 

“I wanted it to be a surprise. I saw that when I drove you around town and figured you’d like it.”

 

The lynx gently wrapped his arms around Flynn, briefly nuzzling the gila’s shoulder. Flynn returned the gesture, kissing the top of his head. TJ loved how he felt safe when they did that.

 

That and it was a great comfort to actually feel Flynn alive and breathing.

 

“D’awwwwwww, this is so adorable!” Luiz cut their moment as Richard paid the bill. “Does it mean you’re officially boyfriends now?”

 

TJ pulled back, clearing his throat. Flynn himself blinked, seemingly a little uncomfortable with the tegu’s question.

 

Luiz promptly raised his hands apologetically. “Sorry, sorry, it’s just that both of ya are cute. Anyways… it’s time for us to split.”

 

They got up and went to the door, TJ’s mind spinning now. He looked down at the ring Flynn had given him, his heart racing.

 

Why did he feel bothered at what Luiz had said?  It certainly wasn’t because he didn’t want to be just that.

 

Maybe, just maybe, he still had a little bit of doubt about how Flynn truly felt about him.

 

He knew that they were friends for the past year. Genuinely so. But the rest… he knew he had started admiring the gila’s appearance. And that Flynn was truly loyal to those who earned his trust and his friendship.

 

But he wondered if, to Flynn, it felt like an obligation. Like if the gila was just leading him.

 

Well, the ring certainly answered that question. But maybe it was just one of his ways to let him down?

 

It was what bothered him so much with Flynn: He never knew what the gila would be doing next. Especially after Echo was done with him.

 

The gila had changed, yet, stayed the same. For one, TJ noticed how he went out of his way to curse less and be less aloof when around him.

 

They said their goodbyes to Flynn’s bosses and then went to the valet parker. Flynn asked his keys and the hawk promptly handed them over, then wished them a good night. TJ made his way to the truck after Flynn, his legs a little wobbly.

 

Once inside, Flynn was about to turn the engine, when the lynx stopped him.

 

“I know it’s a little weird to ask this, but I’ve been wondering… when did you start to like me?”

 

The gila furrowed his brow.

 

“I mean… do you like me just because of how I look or, uhm, like me as in you really _like_ me?”

 

He hoped Flynn would understand the question. The gila sighed and looked at him.

 

“I… I won’t lie, Teej… fuck, where do I start? I really felt bad for all the shit I put ya through the moment I woke up when you pulled me from the lake. It’s part of the reason why I couldn’t look ya in the eye for so long.”

 

“Mhm…” TJ nodded.

 

“Then we talked and… and even before that, I was startin’ to consider ya a friend. I was happy when you felt the same. It was good for a while, but I admit, I started noticing how good you look. Yeah, I admit it. But that’s not just it… it was the little things. The way you smile, the way your eyes look when you’re happy… but it’s also how much of a fucking great guy you are.”

 

The lynx just nodded weakly for him to continue, his heart pounding. Flynn looked away.

 

“I can’t really point where, when or how it started… maybe it was when we went to the Airport… or when I picked you up. I missed ya when you were out, y’know.”

 

“I… I missed you too, Flynn. I was happy to see my parents again, but I still wished you were there…”

 

“It may sound fucking cheezy, Toby, but I’m gonna say it: I think I like ya because you make me wanna be a better person.” TJ now found himself being looked head-on by Flynn.

 

So there was the gila’s answer. While some of his insecurities still stung, TJ felt as if yet another huge weight had been removed from his shoulders. There was little doubt now.

 

Flynn seemed ready to say something more, but TJ reached over. He did not feel sure at all about what he was about to do, but figured it was better to face his fears. Pushing that day with Chase in the forest away from his thoughts, the lynx leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on Flynn’s lips.

 

He sat back on the musty truck seat. The gila seemed stunned, now looking at him with a surprised expression. TJ’s heart was still racing.

 

It did not feel bad. If anything, it felt incomplete.

 

“Nervous?” Flynn asked. The lynx looked down, his ears drooping, and nodded.

 

He felt Flynn’s large hands gently picking his right paw and placing it over the gila’s chest, TJ feeling his accelerated heartbeat. The lizard smiled warmly at him. “Yeah. Me too,” he said.

 

This time both of them leaned forward. TJ’s eagerness almost resulted in their teeth clashing. They pulled back and he chuckled nervously, muttering a ‘sorry.’ Flynn assured him that it was fine, then they tried again.

 

Only now their lips connected. The lynx wrapped his arms around Flynn’s large torso, feeling the muscles of his back rippling as the gila did the same to him, Flynn’s hands being large enough to cover most of his back. He felt the gila’s tongue - slightly cool and with the vague hint of soda in taste - wrestling against his own. 

 

He knew he lacked the experience, but the gila held him tighter and moaned into the kiss, their breaths growing heavier as the lynx made up for his lack of experience with enthusiasm.

 

TJ felt his member stiffening within his pants and it was now his turn to moan into the kiss when Flynn accidentally brushed his left elbow against it through the fabric of his pants. It was just a slight brush, mostly against the fabric, but it still sent waves of arousal to TJ’s brain.

 

That might have alerted the gila, as he slowly pulled away from TJ’s wanting muzzle. TJ panted as he felt Flynn kissing down through his neck, his hands trailing to his lower back, then going to his hips and now rubbing his feline member through his pants.

 

TJ involuntarily bucked his hips against that, sending jolts of pleasure through his body.

 

But, while his member ached in need, Tobias did not yet feel comfortable with the idea of having sex. Even if it were just a pawjob.

 

He gently placed his paws over Flynn’s hands. “Sorry… I just… I don’t think I’m ready.”

 

Flynn hesitated, then grunted and pulled back, licking his lips.

 

“I’m sorry…” TJ said again, feeling his eyes welling with tears. He did not want to risk ruining that.

 

He felt Flynn reach for his chin and gently lift his head so they were making eye contact.

 

The gila then gave him a brief kiss on the lips. “It’s… it’s alright. I… I respect that.”

 

TJ could see a forced smile on Flynn’s face. Deep down, the lynx knew Flynn ached for it. And, worst of all, so did  TJ's own body.

 

But he really did not feel comfortable enough to have sex.

 

“Well,” Flynn cleared his throat, “let’s go home now, alright?”

 

“Flynn,” TJ stopped him, “what if I’m never alright with having sex? I mean, I know how important that is for you…” he said the last part almost in a whisper.

 

The gila sighed again, then turned his truck’s engine on. “Let’s leave this shit alone for now. We’ll cross that bridge when you feel like it.” He shrugged.

 

As they drove home, TJ thought about their kiss: as much of a disaster the aftermath was, thinking about the moment when they held each other and their lips connected made the lynx smile.

 

Thinking about their heavy petting and how he felt around it also made TJ consider, once more, the possibility he would be having sex sooner or later.

 

Part of discomfort did come from what could have happened that afternoon back in Echo. Chase was not himself. Yet, oddly enough, most of the reason why TJ had been so reluctant to consider having sex with a romantic partner had nothing to do with that.

 

TJ also knew there were many different ways people expressed their feelings. Some did it through words or gestures. Others just needed to cuddle or kiss. Then there were people like Flynn who - while would like to sleep around - also expressed affection through sex.

 

And it kinda bothered the lynx to know that. He looked down at the ring on his finger - Flynn took a huge risk to give him that. Maybe they could reach a compromise.

 

As uncomfortable as he felt thinking about that. By this point, the lynx even forgot about telling Flynn he would start learning how to drive.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“I told ya, Teej, it’s fine,” Flynn half-whispered as they made their way upstairs and were entering their apartment. Jenna was likely already asleep.

 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry, it’s that I just… I’m having a hard time to not feel bad about it,” the lynx said, watching Flynn locking the door and lazily tossing the keys on the kitchen table.

 

However, the gila instantly turned around to face TJ after the younger male spoke. Now the lizard looked genuinely annoyed.

 

“Toby, listen: I gave you that ring simply because I thought you’d like it. Because I wanna show ya that I like ya! It’s not a remote control to open the fly of your pants!”

 

That last part made TJ blink a few times, before bursting in laughter. Flynn joined in and they hugged each other, still snickering over Flynn’s outburst.

 

They stayed like that for a while, before separating, both calming down. “Alright… alright… do you wanna take a shower first?” Flynn asked.

 

TJ was about to confirm, when he had an idea. It was tied with what he had tried to talk with Flynn. The lynx quickly removed his cross necklace and his new ring, gently placing them on the kitchen table, right by Flynn’s keys.

 

“Listen, Flynn, I know I might not be comfortable with sex yet, but I still don’t want to leave you, erm, hanging…”

 

Flynn rolled his eyes, stroking the tufts on TJ’s cheeks. The lynx closed his eyes and smiled. “Teej, I told ya: Yeah, I’d like to, but I don’t wanna force ya.”

 

“It’s not that, please, Flynn, let me finish… I, uhm… let’s go to the bathroom…” his voice was lowering, his heart rate rising, and his mood was all over the place. Still, he wanted to do it.

 

“What I want to say is, uh, let’s go there and I’ll give you a hand with your problem…” His ears splayed and he couldn’t look Flynn in the eye when he was done.

 

“Oh,” Flynn said, before repeating it in a different tone.

 

After that, their awkward walk to the bathroom was like a blur to TJ. Upon getting there, the lynx closed the door and rubbed his arm, looking at Flynn. The lizard seemed to be feeling awkward as well.

 

Maybe that had been a bad idea, but it was too late to back out. Besides, it wasn’t much different than what he did to himself in the shower. Except it was someone else’s member.

 

The two lovers approached and started making out again. At first, both were hesitant (and TJ almost headbutted Flynn’s muzzle, making them chuckle), but they started to get more into it as they went along.

 

Eventually, TJ felt Flynn’s hands, that had been wrapped around his back, pulling away. He heard the lizard undoing the belt buckle and unzipping his pants. He pulled back and swallowed hard, watching the lizard beginning to undress.

 

Yet, Flynn stopped, holding his pants just low enough to show the tent in his red boxers, complete with a wet spot where the tip of his member was. The lynx’s nostrils flared and he started picking up the gila’s musk and pheromones in the air. TJ felt his own member twitching and emerging from its sheath.

 

“Uh, go ahead. It’s… it’s not like I haven’t seen you… undressed… before…” Tobias tried to make a joke to lighten up the mood, and it got a short snicker from Flynn.

 

“When did ya… oh, yeah. At the lake. Yeah. Heh…” The gila slowly dropped his pants, then walked out of them. The lizard then slowly took off his shirt. Soon, he stood there, wearing only his boxers.

 

Without another word, TJ approached and they locked lips once more, the lynx gently directing themselves to the shower stall. Once inside, they broke the kiss again.

 

“You can, uhm, take them off.”

 

Flynn slowly licked his lips and gave TJ a rather embarrassed smile. Tobias was sure his expression wasn’t very different. He felt his ears and cheeks burning.

 

“Uh, I’ll keep them on,” Flynn rubbed the spines on his back, “this is gettin’ awkwa- ah!”

 

TJ had decided to start it before he lost his nerve. He fished Flynn’s member out of his underwear. It was long and slender. About six or seven inches - he couldn‘t tell. All he knew was that he was more endowed than the lizard.

 

Flynn’s member twitched in TJ’s soft paw, a bead of pre appearing on the tip. It was surprisingly hot for a cold-blooded creature. Tobias huffed the musk wafting from the lizard’s cock, feeling his own feline member twitching in his pants.

 

He closed his paw around Flynn’s member, carefully studying the lizard’s face to see if he had been doing well. The gila closed his eyes and took a sharp breath, placing a hand on the lynx’s shoulder. He then opened his eyes when TJ hesitated and nodded slowly.

 

The lynx continued his pawjob. He would sometimes close his eyes and focus on the smell of both his and Flynn’s sweat, as well as the musky smell of the lizard’s penis. It felt so new, yet so familiar to him. He decided to treat giving his boyfriend a pawjob as a milestone.

 

After all, he did not imagine he would end up like that, not even back when he had taken Flynn to live with him and Jenna.

 

He was still a little anxious, but found himself not minding what he was doing. He wondered if that meant he would be feeling alright to have _actual_ sex soon.

 

His strokes slowed down briefly when he realized that his problem was there was still a barrier between him and Flynn. Not just with Flynn, but with nearly everyone. Part of him still did not trust him fully enough to feel comfortable with that.

 

The gila looked down and TJ picked up his pace, causing Flynn to let out a moan. The lizard’s breath picked up as TJ increased his pace, to the point Flynn would buck his hips involuntarily every once in a while. Eventually, TJ felt the lizard’s hand grip his shoulder tight and, with one last thrust forward, Flynn shot his seed against the wall and floor of the shower stall.

 

Both of them panted, but only TJ did so out of emotion. He felt a shiver running through his body, but it wasn’t a bad one. It was thrilling, if he had to be honest with himself.

 

It kinda felt like that one time he decided to play with himself while thinking of males. TJ knew he liked girls as well, but he had never really bothered exploring his other side until recently.

 

 _Huh, maybe giving Flynn a pawjob_ was _a milestone after all._

 

He heard Flynn let out a sigh of relief. The gila chuckled and looked at him with a smile that TJ couldn’t call anything but ‘dopey.’

 

“Fuck, TJ, that was… amazing.” It appeared even Flynn was surprised by that. Tobias tried to smile, but shyed away at the last moment, sure that Flynn could see him blushing through his thick fur.

 

“Uh… thank you?” He finally mumbled.

 

“No, thank _you_ ,” the gila chuckled again. TJ felt Flynn lean forward, so he wouldn’t smear his softening member on the lynx’s clothes, and wrap his arms around the lynx’s shoulders, kissing the top of his head like they had done so many times by now. It made Tobias giggle.

 

“Well, you better wash the jizz off your paws. That shit’s hard to clean from fur when it dries,” Flynn said.

 

“I know…” TJ responded, still blushing. The lynx wiped his paws as best as he could with some tissue (which he then disposed of in the small trash can by the sink), then washed his hands. Meanwhile, he could see Flynn turning his back to him and slipping out of his boxers.

 

 _‘He really has a nice butt,’_ TJ thought, before Flynn slid the shower stall door closed. The lynx’s ears twitched as he heard the water being turned on.

 

Once he had been done, cleaning his paws, the lynx went to his bedroom - making sure to grab his necklace and ring on the way there - and got off of his clothes. He shuffled through his drawer until he found his pajama pants and a soft t-shirt he wore just for sleep. He quickly slipped into those and sat down on his bed.

 

TJ admired his two Christian-themed pieces of jewelry. It felt weird to reconcile that pious (if he could call that) side of his with what he had been up to.

 

Then again, he knew he wasn’t much of a saint even before he had decided to explore his own sexuality. Even if Flynn had forgiven him from keeping a secret that nearly got him killed (or rather, Flynn had told him they were even), TJ had a hard time forgiving himself.

 

And, now he thought about Flynn’s actions during that week, maybe it was the same for him. While he wasn’t an expert in relationships by any means, TJ knew Flynn had been going above and beyond to try to please him.

 

The lynx got on his knees by his bed and made his routine evening prayers, but he was not going to sleep anytime soon.

 

His ears twitched when he heard the muffled sound of the bathroom door opening. The lynx picked a clean towel and pocketed his necklace and ring, going to take a shower himself. That and give himself a paw.

 

Less than fifteen minutes later, the lynx emerged clean from the bathroom, this time also wearing his new ring and his cross. Flynn was finishing to unfold the futon and put on clean sheets over it, only stopping to look at TJ when he was done. The gila now only wore his usual loose boxer shorts and tank top for bed.

 

“Wanna kiss your boyfriend goodnight?” Flynn smirked, but TJ could tell he was a little nervous still.

 

Boyfriend… so that’s what they were now. TJ thought about the events earlier that day and realized that the word sounded weird to him.

 

Then again, so did calling Flynn a friend. Or entering puberty. The lynx smiled back at Flynn - as weird as it sounded, he was happy to know he would get used to it.

 

As they shared a quick kiss, TJ realized he would get used to it _very_ quickly.

 

“Well,” Flynn said after they finished kissing, as he stroked the tufts of fur on TJ’s cheeks and made the feline humm in pleasure, “is this goodnight?”

 

TJ leaned his head on one of Flynn’s hands like a cat, before pulling away. “Well. I was thinking…” he looked at the futon. Flynn followed his gaze, then faced the lynx back with a sly smirk.

 

“Don’t get any ideas. It’s just like last time,” TJ felt necessary to clarify. The gila still smiled, and nodded at him.

 

TJ turned off the living room lights, leaving their apartment completely dark save for the few LED lights and hour displays from their electronic appliances. The lynx heard Flynn lying down and followed suit, promptly finding himself caught on the gila’s embrace.

 

The lynx returned the embrace. The two lovers kissed each other once more.

 

“Good night, Flynn.”

 

“Night, Toby.”

 

And, with that, they laid still, their breathings slowing down until both of them drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Delphy for finding other grammar errors here. I promptly edited them :3


	25. Back to the Daily Grind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that TJ and Flynn started a new chapter of their lives, it is back to quickly going through their daily grind. Though someone might not take all the changes that happened very well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to let it known I prefer more of slice-of-life stories than traditional prose. So this is not a "good guy x bad guy" story. It has no heroes or villains - just people (with virtues and flaws) living their messy lives.

**Back to the Daily Grind**

 

It was a pity, but Flynn’s two weeks break from work came to an end sooner than he would have liked. Time had been passing him by.

 

Things were going fine between him and TJ, and that helped time pass them by fast. While what had happened after their date did not repeat itself, the gila was happy - or as happy as he could be - with his lot in life. His boyfriend eventually told him about his decision to learn how to drive, and Flynn felt proud of Toby finally breaking out of his comfort zone.

 

Even if it was just a little bit.

 

Speaking of TJ, his interview had gone smoothly. Flynn was not naive, however, and he knew that Richard backed him up with his fat donations to Parkview Medical Center. TJ could have rested muddied paws on the administrator’s desk and he would still have gotten the job.

 

He had just dropped TJ at his new workplace and was driving to go to his own job. His thoughts drifted to Jenna: The fennec told them about being jobless, and was already looking for something more up her alley. Flynn knew she did not like counseling.

 

When he asked Richard if he could do anything, the ibex goat answered with a laconic ‘no.’

 

The gila did not know if it was because Mr. Maitland was stretched too thin as it was, if the goat had lost his patience and goodwill or if he genuinely could not do anything. As much as either of them fit, Flynn deduced it was likely the third point: Richard did not have any sway over the Pueblo Mental Health Institute nor the Pueblo University to land the fennec a job in research.

 

As it turned out, TJ’s shrink - and Jenna’s coworker - Carla was on her way to get a second specialization. She already had minored in Experimental Psychology, and was on her way to get a minor in Forensic Psychology. Maybe Jenna should try to do the same and specialize in something more up her alley.

 

No wonder the owl landed herself a job in a sanitarium.

 

She did show up once in a while to their apartment to continue TJ’s therapy. When that happened, they would usually go to his room while Flynn and Jenna - if they were around - would wait in the living room with the television on.

 

His thoughts were brought to an abrupt ending as he almost hit Luiz’s parked patrol car with his truck. Flynn slammed down the brakes and thanked his luck that he had stopped only a couple of inches from his boss’ blue Crown Vic.

 

It turned out Flynn’s instincts were right: His boss had bought that car from a local police auction… because it turned out it _was_ his patrol car back when he was a policeman.

 

Knowing fully well how it was to like something, regardless of how ugly and old it was, Flynn backed off from the security car, then parked right besides it. Richard’s spot was empty, which meant the goat was either taking a day off or would get to work late. Flynn picked his bag containing his equipment, hat and lunch box and left for the employees’ area. Angelo, the elephant, was there outside smoking and his eyes looked down at Flynn with amusement.

 

“A little more and the boss would have ripped your tail off and beat ya to death with it, huh?”

 

“Yeah,” Flynn looked back at his parked truck and the security car besides it, “would’ve been a fucking great way to start the day,” he said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. Still, a smirk showed he was taking it in stride.

 

“Have a good one, Flynn,” the elephant finally said, holding his cigarette with his trunk as he spoke, then taking it to his lips for another drag as the gila passed him by on his way upstairs.

 

Three hours later, the gila found himself watching the mall fountain with his boss. His stare sometimes would turn to one of the smaller side-doors of the mall, showing the sunny sky outside, despite them being at the start of the autumn already.

 

“I dunno about ya, but when I see such a sunny day outside and myself inside a mall, sometimes I forget I work here and almost get out to go fishing,” Flynn confessed to Luiz. The tegu grunted.

 

“I can relate, though I’m not much of a fishing fan. I’d probably go home and either play one of my old games or fuck Richard’s brains out when he shows up.”

 

Flynn snorted a chuckle. “By the way,” the tegu spoke again, “did you and your _lince_ get to fuck yet?”

 

The gila now wished he had a toothpick to chew on. While he understood Luiz’s curiosity was natural (and he admitted he might have asked the same, were their positions inverted), he did not enjoy the prodding into his - and TJ’s - business.

 

“No, not really. He’s not comfortable with that yet.”

 

“Too bad. And here I was thinkin’ the old stereotype was right: That all prudish people were huge perverts on the inside. Such a waste,” the tegu shook his head solemnly. “Rich definitely hit that nail on the head. He put it out on the first night, so I could _put it in._ Hehe.”

 

“Heh,” Flynn did not have much to say to that. The younger lizard realized how that kind of conversation was annoying.

 

Maybe TJ had been rubbing off on him?

 

The younger lizard chuckled at how wrong that could sound, his thoughts shifting to the time the lynx gave him a pawjob. He had to admit it was great, but made him wishing for more.

 

Flynn had never felt that way, but even since he had stopped resenting Toby, and started paying attention to him, the gila realized the lynx had… something. His looks and demeanor were too adorable to not want to embrace him, cover his body with kisses, and please him.

 

His boss seemed to understand. “Hey, it’s alright. It’s a good thing you aren’t pushin’ the little guy. To be honest, I was a little afraid you’d do that. I mean, considering what I knew of ya in the first months we worked together.”

 

“Shit, thanks for placing your faith in me, Luiz. I appreciate that,” Flynn crossed his arms, feeling a little disappointed his boss did not have much faith in his common sense.

 

Even if, deep down, he knew he might have fucked it up had it happened one or two years previously. _Jesus fucking Christ, how much I’ve changed,_ Flynn realized.

 

And, looking at Luiz, Flynn knew the tegu was thinking the same thing.

 

“I’m sorry if I’m a bit skeptical,” Luiz sighed, “my life has taught me to always expect the worst from people, regardless of who or what they are.”

 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Flynn said. And he meant it.

 

The fat tegu shrugged. “It’s quite alright. Let’s go, we’ve been watching the fountain long enough. I bet some skaters are creeping in the parking lot as we speak - let’s kick some ass.”

 

Flynn chuckled again, imagining his boss in an ill-fitting superhero costume.

 

Despite the sunny day, there were no skaters in the parking lot. Flynn was astonished to discover Luiz’s idea of a ‘skateboard-breaking guardrail’ worked. Some of the kids’ parents tried to sue the mall, but since they were already trespassing and violating the rules repeatedly, it was a no-brainer that Richard’s lawyer had wiped the floor with them.

 

Then again, their lawyer had experience with getting Luiz off with little more than a slap on the wrist for his antics, so Flynn was sure their lawyer could absolve the fucking Zodiac Killer - if he could afford to pay.

 

The young lizard’s thoughts drifted back to his relationship. Sure, he was experienced with having a friendship with benefits, regular booty calls and one-night-stands.

 

But he had never really done a relationship before.

 

The gila sighed as his thoughts drifted to TJ’s soft paw grabbing his cock. Said piece of his anatomy was stirring in his pants at the thought.

 

Just like how he still had a few doubts about the worth of his having survived Chase’s attempt to kill him, he was starting to wonder if allowing Toby to please him like that had not just made him crave for more. Flynn had no idea what it was like to actually make love.

 

Maybe the closest thing was what he had done a couple of times with Carl? Maybe?

 

He could ask Carl for advice on his situation, but the ram was even less experienced than himself. If anything, the only person in his group with less experience than Carl would be TJ himself.

 

“Hey, Luiz?” Flynn asked and licked his lips - something he did when he lacked a toothpick to chew on, but was anxious - and thought of his question once the tegu shifted his droopy eyes to him.

 

“Would ya believe I kinda… wanna go through the next step with TJ, but I don’t wanna push him? I dunno, but if I tell ya somethin’, would ya keep it quiet?”

 

The tegu lit a cigarette and took a drag of it, then blew the smoke through his nostrils. “Lemme guess… you’re straight!” Luiz then looked horrified, before chuckling. “Yeah, Flynn, I know the feeling. And I’ll keep whatever it is you’re gonna tell me secret.”

 

“Alright… actually, somethin’ happened that day. TJ gave me a pawjob.”

 

“For real?” Luiz grinned with amusement, blowing smoke through his yellowed teeth.

 

“Yeah, for fucking real. Thing is, while I appreciated it, it makes me feel-”

 

“Like you’re wantin’ more?” The tegu concluded. Flynn nodded at him.

 

“Well, fuck me sideways,” Luiz said after some thought, “the kid is good-lookin’, well-endowed and has a nice ass and now he’s a _pro_ at keeping his man. Fuck, Flynn, you should get on your damn knees and thank heavens for Tobias.”

 

The gila scoffed, but grinned at the thought. “Oh, trust me, I’m thankful for a lot of shit Toby has done for me. But what I mean is, I’ve never been in this situation before. I have no fucking idea what I should do.”

 

“Flynn,” Luiz flicked the lit cigarette butt away and put one of his hands on Flynn’s shoulder, “just give the kid some time. You could stay for a while without playin’ with your lil’ cock. You can hang on some more. Go home, jerk off, shove a dildo up your ass while at it, I don’t give a shit how you do it - but give him time.”

 

Flynn looked Luiz in the eye and saw the tegu was dead serious. Suddenly, meeting Luiz’s gaze was difficult. The tegu continued:

 

“You are very, very, _very_ lucky, considering your past together, _comprende?_ If what you told me about how you treated him in the past is half-true, I’m surprised he already jerked your meat.”

 

The younger lizard sighed and met Luiz’s gaze once more. “I suppose you’re right.” Then something that Luiz had said before came back to his attention.

 

“Listen, I know he is good-lookin’ and he does appear to have a nice ass. But how’d you know that TJ has a big dick?”

 

Luiz shrugged and laughed. “Ever take a good, hard look at his bulge? It’s bigger than some guys twice his height.”

 

And, now, Flynn cursed himself for asking for clarification: He won’t be able to stop trying to peek at TJ’s crotch next time they meet to confirm it. Sure, he had glanced before, but he knew himself well enough that now he would have a hard time to avoid doing it until he had the answers.

 

Who was he kidding? Flynn knew that coming back home to Toby beat a little awkwardness by a fucking mile. The gila smiled fondly at the notion.

 

Though, for some reason unrelated to going all the way with TJ, Flynn still felt a little unhappy. But he dismissed that as just a side-effect from all the shit life had thrown at him.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The day was almost over and TJ felt a little tired, but still happy that he had found a job in his field.

 

True, it wasn’t related to sports, as he would have wished, but it paid alright and it was better than unemployment (or WellMart, for that matter).

 

“Very good job, Mr. Hess!” Said his enthusiastic driving school teacher, Mrs. Wilson. She was a heavy-set red panda with features that made TJ think she looked stereotypically like a kindergarten teacher.

 

“Thank you,” TJ smiled, his heart still pounding slightly. He did not think he would be capable of parking the car in such a tight spot, but doing it as she had taught him to (including keeping in mind the blind spots on the rearview mirrors) helped.

 

“You’re a natural. Just don’t be so insecure. Reluctance can cause accidents just as much as overconfidence,” the red panda looked at her watch, “well, that wraps it up for today. You already know the traffic laws well enough, and you learn fast. I believe that by the end of this month or start of the next, you can take the test.”

 

The lynx thanked her once more and they left the car. Within the hour, TJ was on his way home, wanting to do nothing but eat a light meal, then chill on the couch with Flynn while watching something to distract himself.

 

Upon getting home, the lynx saw the usual setup for the past couple of months: Jenna distracted as she looked for a job on her field on the internet, Flynn just starting to prepare dinner. They had fallen into that routine almost naturally in the past months.

 

TJ’s thoughts shifted to when Jenna found out they were finally, officially together. The fennec looked like part of her wanted to squee in joy, while part of her was worried about him.

 

While the lynx acknowledged he was somewhat weak, he liked to believe that he knew what he was doing.

 

Even if he did not know what he was doing at all. He looked at the calendar marking that day as ‘Monday,’ and his thoughts drifted to the past few Sundays:

 

About a month ago, Richard Maitland had invited him to go to the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America’s branch located in Pueblo. It was just one or two blocks from where they lived. The lynx couldn’t help but smile at the thought that Richard happened to be Lutheran as well.

 

So, every Sunday, the feline would go there. He had been glad to help them, and learned that Richard could sing rather well, upon watching him at the church choir.

 

He also helped the volunteers - members or otherwise - to prepare and hand out soup to the homeless every couple of weeks. TJ liked it all: The lynx enjoyed feeling helpful and useful.

 

It also did not escape from the lynx the irony that he could have used the church counselor for advice - or Richard himself - years ago, yet, was too caught in his own depression to even notice that church so close to where he lived.

 

All in all, TJ could say life was going well for him.

 

However, they were in September already, meaning the young feline should eventually tell his parents he is not going to Canada that year. Both because of his job… and because he plans to spend some time with Flynn.

 

TJ knew his father was aware of the gila’s bullying of him in their childhood. His father also knew Flynn had almost drowned in Echo, nearly three years ago, and was saved by TJ. And that was the extent of his knowledge about what had happened during their break in 2015.

 

Still, it was not a conversation the lynx enjoyed to think about. He did not even knew if his parents would be alright knowing about his bisexuality.

 

He had heard what Chase’s parents did at first. The mere thought of his mother crying in shame made TJ himself feel like crying.

 

The lynx must have let out a low sigh, because Jenna snapped her head to look at him, and Flynn had approached and gently embraced him from behind.

 

“Are you alright?” The gila asked.

 

“Yeah, just thinking about… stuff,” TJ really did not want to talk about it right then. He hoped Flynn would understand.

 

The gila hesitated, his hands gently kneading the lynx’s shoulders now, before he let go. “If ya wanna talk about it, I’m all ears,” the lizard smirked, “even though I’m not Jenna.”

 

TJ smiled and his ears perked up a little. He glanced at Jenna in time to see her rolling her eyes and going back to pay attention to her phone, either copying something or taking notes on a small notepad she had on the kitchen table. TJ decided to not pry.

 

During dinner, his mind kept cycling through the different thoughts he had in his mind for the last months: His mind still not comfortable with having sex, while his body seemed quite receptive to the idea; his new job being alright, but not quite what he wishes to do for the rest of his life; the fact he could tell Flynn still wasn’t really happy, but he had no idea what he could do to help him out; and, finally, when and how he would tell his parents about himself and Flynn. And how would they react?

 

His ears drooped again and the lynx started picking at his food. That attracted Flynn’s attention once more.

 

“Look, Teej, it’s alright if you don’t wanna talk about what’s eatin’ ya,” the gila licked his lips and swallowed - TJ knew he was trying to think of how to say something, “but maybe it’s something we could help ya with, you know…”

 

He gila trailed off and looked at Jenna, who put her fork down and nodded. “Just keep in mind you do not need to say anything. Maybe it’s something we wouldn’t understand,” she added.

 

“No, it’s… it’s alright,” TJ sighed, now looking at them, “you see, my parents knew I might not be able to visit them this year… but what they don’t know is about me, uh…” he gestured to himself, then to Flynn.

 

For a split-second, both his boyfriend and his friend looked like they did not understand it, then it dawned on them. Jenna looked at Flynn, obviously since she lacked any kind of experience with coming out.

 

The gila put down his fork and knife and looked upwards in thought, as if what he needed to say would be somehow written on the ceiling. Then he shrugged.

 

“Well, can’t really say what to do, other than just be straight to the point. If they love ya as much as they appear to, they won’t give a shit about their son swingin’ both ways. They might be a bit shocked, but that’s normal.”

 

It was a little blunt, and TJ’s ears perked up at the gila, the lynx feeling a small rush of annoyance coursing through his body as he felt the need to defend his parents from Flynn’s doubts. As soon as that flash of anger came, it dissipated when the lynx realized that, as blunt as Flynn was, the gila was right.

 

His ears lowered once more, but did not droop all the way. “I see… but I also have to tell them about us.”

 

Flynn seemed confused about what difference that did make. TJ sighed and hung his head low. “They knew…” the lynx now tried to think on a mild way to say that they knew how Flynn tormented him for years; bullying him with Sydney, all the way to intimidating him after Sydney’s death (something which TJ felt he did deserve for keeping quiet).

 

Thinking about it made tears start welling in his eyes. He felt the gila’s long arms pulling him into an embrace and he rested his head on the lizard’s broad chest. The feline took a deep sniffle, but did not really cry. Not yet.

 

“I think he means that his parents might not approve… on account of your rather troubled relationship as children,” Jenna helped.

 

TJ felt Flynn tensing up, each muscle hardening and his body getting stiff as a board, before relaxing back to normal. It lasted only for a very brief moment, but the lynx could tell what Jenna said hit close home.

 

“Look, Toby,” TJ heard Flynn finally speaking. The gila broke the embrace and gently placed his hands beneath TJ’s muzzle, thumbs stroking the tufts of fur on his cheeks - it was soothing and the lynx knew Flynn seemed to enjoy playing with his fluff.

 

The gila sighed, looking defeated, and continued: “I… y’know I’m not proud of how I treated ya back then. But we can’t take it back. We can’t go back in time and undo it - god-damn, I wish I could - but since that can’t happen… maybe you should tell the truth: That I’ve changed. That… that I asked ya to forgive me. You don’t need to tell ‘em about your side of that talk.”

 

Flynn sighed once again, closing his eyes briefly, before opening them. “I don’t mind if you make me come across as the one that fucked up,” he briefly looked at Jenna, “I’m used to being seen as that.”

 

“At least, this time, it’ll be for a good cause,” Flynn finished while looking back down at TJ, with a sad smile.

 

The lynx smiled back, his ears perking up slightly, before he hugged the larger male tighter, burying his face on the lizard’s chest again and holding as tight as he could for one second, before letting go.

 

“Thanks, Flynn.” TJ felt hopeful. The lizard chuckled.

 

“Tryin’ to break my ribs again?”

 

“Sorry,” the lynx’s smile seemed embarrassed at the memories. Flynn just waved his hand dismissively.

 

“We all know CPR does that. Don’t apologize for savin’ my ass. Now eat before it gets cold.”

 

“Oh, alright,” Tobias said, remembering the rest of the delicious meal Flynn had cooked was not going to eat itself.

 

“Speaking of eating, would you like to volunteer to our church’s soup kitchen Sunday?” TJ asked. Flynn groaned and rolled his eyes. The lynx frowned, his ears splayed. “Aw, come on! You don’t have to do much: Just help them cook the soup and we’ll do the rest. Your boss is an atheist and even he goes there once in a while,” the lynx told Flynn.

 

It was less about getting Flynn to his church or help, and more about feeling better with his company. Truth be told, TJ still didn’t know most of the church goers well enough, and he preferred to be in the company of people he knew. The lynx had to admit he might have thrown in a ‘sad kitten’ stare, because Flynn looked down at him, then sighed in defeat.

 

“Alright, alright. I’ll go with ya this time.”

 

“Thank you!” Tobias side-hugged Flynn briefly, trying to contain his desire to grin at his own victory.

 

That only left him with one more thing to solve that night.

 

Two hours later, TJ found himself in his room, staring at his Muzzlebook front page. His mother was online and he had already opened the text window.

 

 _‘This is it,’_ TJ thought as he started typing, praying for the best.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Later that Sunday, Chase found himself having to cover a small article for a local newspaper. It was a better job than his previous one, that’s for sure.

 

His parents had offered to help him finish his college somewhere else, find a better job or take him back in and, while tempting, Chase did not feel like taking the offer. Since the day he had almost drowned Flynn, the young male had lost the will to look most people in the eye.

 

Speaking of eyes, the otter raised his right hand and gently ran his finger through the scar that cut across the right side of his brow. It was hard to see, unless he pulled the fur aside. But for Chase, that would be an eternal reminder of that day.

 

At first, he had been surprised and even a little outraged: He was doing it all for TJ. But, out of nowhere, the lynx came for him, and he had never seen Toby that angry about something, not even when he had pushed Carl.

 

The lynx acted as if he were possessed. Later, TJ told that it was an accident, that he wanted to push Chase away, but the otter knew what he saw: The lynx looked furious, and was deliberately clawing at his face when he did not let go of Flynn.

 

As quick as that came, it went away once the gila was out of the lake. But the bit of blur in Chase’s view would always remind the otter of that day - the scraped cornea had not healed right because he kept rubbing his eye.

 

Still, that did not interfere with his abilities with the camera, and he was thankful for that.

 

His thoughts drifted to his college. Thanks to what happened in Echo and his own bout of depression afterwards, Chase flunked and had been held back one year. It was bizarre to know Carl, out of all people, would be graduating one year before he would.

 

While part of him blamed it all on Flynn, on Carl, on Jenna for turning her backs to him and on TJ for siding with Flynn at the very end, Chase knew that, deep down, it was his fault.

 

He should not have sabotaged the scavenger hunt and dealt with the consequences. His friendship with Toby was more important than anything else.

 

It was time. Chase took his camera and, with a sigh, left his car. The otter walked slowly on the dark Riverwalk streets, under the lights of the light poles and the moon (and whatever residence in which people happened to be awake at that time of the evening). Finding what he was supposed to cover was easy: All he had to do was follow the throng of homeless people making their way towards a few parked food trucks without any business logos painted on them - a sign to show their charitable nature.

 

It was supposed to be a small article about the homeless situation in Pueblo. All he had to do is take a few pictures, interview a few homeless people and the volunteers feeding them, then edit it all and it would be a wrap. Easy money.

 

The otter took a few pictures as he approached: The homeless getting in line, a few of them moving away with their styrofoam bowls of soup, a plastic spoon, a slice of bread and a glass of juice. These usually sat on the curbs and what few benches that they had nearby to start eating.

 

Chase quickly got to work, asking for permission to some of the more photogenic homeless people to get their photos published, their names, a short version of their life stories, what they thought of Pueblo’s way to deal with the situation, etc.

 

After a couple of hours, Chase had enough material for a three-page article. He had to later cut most of it off, since - as his more cynical side knew - newspapers did not like to dwell _too_ much in the woes of society. They needed a ‘feelgood’ article to make people recover their faith in other people and pat themselves on the back, and that was what he begrudgingly kept in mind.

 

However, his boss had told him to also ‘make it interesting,’ by which he meant ‘go nag the philanthropist behind it for what he thinks would be the solution.’

 

It was now time to interview the volunteers. Of course, local philanthropist Richard Maitland was there. By his side, there were other members of the church behind that charity.

 

Chase did not have much time for people like Maitland, his cynical side considering him someone who did it all for publicity - though he had to admit that the middle-aged ibex hybrid was attractive.

 

Something in the back of his mind also warned him that it would be best to not piss him off when conducting the interview with him. Chase could not put his finger on it - it was the same kind of hunch that compelled him to still hold Flynn underwater, despite his desire to not kill him - but looking at the smiling goat handing out free food made the otter realize he was, probably, the most dangerous person he had ever met.

 

“Hi, good evening, Mr. Maitland, I’m Chase Hunter, with the Pueblo Chief, and I would like to interview you about this charity that you helped set up,” Chase did not miss the beat to add in the first question: “Is it true that it was all your idea?”

 

The goat smiled at him and adjusted his rectangular glasses. “First, and foremost, ‘good evening,’ Mr. Hunter. And, to answer your question, I fail to see where crediting myself solely for this would change the good that this work does. Besides, I cannot do it all by myself. I like to think of what we are doing here as the Christian thing to do.”

 

 _TJ would certainly approve,_ thought Chase.

 

“Right,” Chase nodded and wrote down the answer, despite having spent money on a pretty good recorder that he had turned on the moment he approached the food trucks “I’m sure they all appreciate your church’s work.”

 

“I sense there is a ‘but’ coming,” the goat smiled. There was something about his honey-coloured eyes with their horizontal rectangular pupils that unsettled Chase a little. It was as if looking at his caprine eyes reminded him of someone he knew long ago. His mind drifted to Carl, but it was not quite that.

 

Chase blinked, collecting his thoughts. “Well, some people would say that, knowing that you do finance a few politicians, especially senators, some ask if doing such work wouldn’t be akin to placing a band-aid over a hemorrhaging wound. What are your thoughts?”

 

“Well, first and foremost, who are ‘some people’? You should always be more precise than that, young man. I recommend you use ‘sources say’ before this kind of questions, otherwise, people in my position would be forced to believe those are _your_ thoughts.”

 

The goat stared at him with intensity, despite his smile. Chase opened his mouth to speak, but Mr. Maitland raised a hand to stop him and continued: “And, to answer your question: Politics are not that simple, as sad as it is. We often see bureaucrats with different interests fighting each other. Different lobbies with different agendas. If I could pass my social equality ideas, that would be great. And that is why I help politicians whom I believe are aligned with my vision - as it is a right in this country. And about your band-aid metaphor… well, if actual change won’t come, then what would you suggest us to do, other than helping the needy ourselves?”

 

“I…” the otter mulled Richard’s answer and gave a hesitant nod. It was hard driving him against the wall without sounding sensationalistic. “Well, you certainly have a point. One final question: Since when did this charity project has been around?”

 

“It has been about seven years by now. We started with a small Ford van - the smaller one of the three behind me - and moved on from there. I remember your newspaper once published a small note in two-thousand-fifteen or something like that, but this is the first time we are being interviewed, and I hope this will lead to more people collaborating.”

 

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Maitland,” Chase smiled and nodded.

 

“It is my pleasure,” the goat said flatly, his smile dropping. The goat promptly started humming and resumed his work, distributing food for the homeless.

 

“Oh, by the way, I’m sorry that I forgot to ask,” Chase caught the goat’s attention again, “can I interview some of the other volunteers too?”

 

Mr. Maitland shrugged. “I can’t talk for them, nor am I the head of our church. As long as you don’t interrupt the work, suit yourself.”

 

The otter nodded and went around the plastic tables where large pails of soup to talk with the other volunteers.

 

He had managed to get a few decent quotes, until he ran into someone he thought he would never see again.

 

TJ had a ‘deer in headlights’ expression. His ears were up and his body seemed tense and alert. Chase had not spoken to him since a few months after they left Echo. All their conversations were awkward and they would end in long silences before one of them said goodbye.

 

While TJ stood there, someone else passed by and gave him a half-hug and kissed the top of the lynx’s head. It was a lizard who, at first, Chase did not recognize. But when he turned around and they found themselves face-to-face, the otter realized it was Flynn.

 

Flynn, the one who terrified and tormented TJ for years, ending in that kidnap attempt that started all that mess.

 

Flynn, who he would have killed to protect TJ.

 

The same Flynn who now was showing affection to him.

 

The otter felt anger welling within himself, but thought it was better to do nothing: The gila was already taller than he was, but he seemed to have put on quite a bit of muscle.

 

“Hey,” Chase greeted them awkwardly.

 

TJ blinked a little and nodded at him, an uneasy, forced smile appearing on his lips. “Hello, Chase.”

 

Flynn, on the other hand, did not disguise his scowl. The lizard let go of TJ and stood at full height, crossing his arms.

 

“So… what are you doing here? Did you come to help?” The lynx said after looking at both men, deciding to try and ease the tension between them. But the way his voice trembled made it worse.

 

Chase broke the staring contest with Flynn. “I’m working for the Pueblo Chief Paper. I was doing an article on the charity work here and homelessness in Pueblo.”

 

“Nice,” TJ’s forced smile broadened. Chase knew there was no malice from him, but it was still awkward.

 

Deep down, something bothered the otter. It was as if he knew that the lynx had suffered to keep his secret. Maybe that was why he became so close to Flynn: He felt guilty that he nearly died in his behalf.

 

Maybe Flynn had manipulated him.

 

As if on cue, the gila leaned down and whispered something on TJ’s ear. The lynx’s ear twitched and he briefly looked up at Flynn to nod, then the lizard walked off to one of the larger vans.

 

“So… how have you been?” Chase asked, trying to sound natural.

 

“Fine!” Toby’s voice raised a few octaves. “Fine. I graduated and moved in with Jenna. I think she had a change of heart about turning her back to us after… after Flynn left the hospital.”

 

“Mhm,” Chase nodded, clenching his fists tightly by his sides.

 

“Long short story, I work in a large hospital now,” TJ’s tone was becoming more natural as he spoke, “I’m learning to drive… and… and…” the lynx started rubbing his forearm, not able to make eye contact now.

 

“And you and Flynn became friends?” Chase completed.

 

“Uhm…” TJ seemed to think, “yes, you could say that.”

 

“I see…” the otter smiled, but his smile did not reach his eyes. If anything, Chase wanted to cry right then and there. “What about… him?” He nodded his head towards the van Flynn went to.

 

“Oh? He’s a security guard now. Richard Maitland, know him?” Chase nodded. “He is one of Flynn’s bosses. He owns the KWest mall.”

 

“Interesting…” the young otter looked at where Richard was, and was startled to find the goat performing his tasks - but with his eyes drifting back to them in the pauses in between.

 

“His bosses might be intimidating, but, uhm, they’re really nice. Flynn spoke to Richard to help me get my job…”

 

Now all anger Chase had felt welling inside of him gave away to a feeling of defeat. It was being scratched in the face by TJ all over again. They stood there in silence, quiet enough so that Chase could hear Flynn speaking in the larger van that was acting as kitchen.

 

“...I don’t give a shit, Luiz. The guy tried to fucking kill me.”

 

The other person, presumably Luiz, answered him. His voice was deep and somewhat sarcastic. He also had an accent that Chase could not quite place where it was from, but reminded him a little of Leo:

 

“So? He’s not breakin’ any laws now. If he bothers you so bad - even far from water - then you can stay here in my place and make sure the food is palatable while I go outside do the heavy lifting, alright? It’s the kind of shit I do when those soccer moms with their ugly kids approach when we’re at work, kid. That or worse - when _women_ try to hit on me.”

 

Flynn mumbled something in return, but he sounded defeated. That picked the otter’s curiosity, until he saw a large lizard - likely a black-and-white tegu - leaving the van. He was only slightly shorter than Leo, but certainly heavier. The tegu picked a large pail filled to the brim and started walking towards them.

 

Chase did not like the way he was glaring at him. The tegu’s sagging chest - almost like breasts - and belly trembled as he walked, but his arms and legs were solid. The aging lizard had a lot of muscle still, and his scars indicated he had used them before.

 

“Good evenin’, _amigos._ Who’s the otter, Tobias?” he asked, still eyeing Chase, likely not asking him directly on purpose.

 

“He’s Chase. An… an old friend. Chase, this is Flynn’s boss and Richard Maitland’s husband; Luiz Maldonado.” TJ seemed a little more at ease. Maybe it was like how he felt when he was little and a friendly adult had approached. “Chase is a journalist, and he’s doing an article on our charity work.”

 

“Ah. How nice,” the tegu looked at Chase, still holding the heavy pail as if it were made of cardboard. “I’d shake your hand, but I’ve got mine full right here,” he approached them and leaned down so his face was closer to Chase’s. Way too close for comfort, his flicking tongue almost touching the otter's snout. “You’re cute. What are you doin’ so far from the water?”

 

“Uh…” the young mustelid felt his heart beating fast. Like Richard, the older lizard also made him feel threatened. And his choice of words indicated that Flynn had told him what had happened in Echo.

 

At least, the gila’s version of it.

 

“Well… pleased to meet you. I gotta go now, tho - the hobos already emptied three of those and we’ll run out of food soon. Seeya around, water-weasel.”

 

With that, the larger lizard lumbered towards the tables, Chase caught him starting to say something to Richard, but neither looked at him, so it might have been about something different.

 

“Well, uhm, nice talking to you, Chase. But I have to get back to work. I was supposed to get more juice.”

 

“Oh, it’s alright. I’m done here anyway. It’s… it’s good to see you again.” Chase forced a smile and went to briefly hug TJ. The lynx tensed up under his embrace, and left it a little too fast for his liking.

 

“Bye, TJ.”

 

“Goodbye, Chase.”

 

With that, Chase decided to walk off before his self-control fell apart. His shoulder slumped and he took one last glance behind himself, to see TJ walking to one of the vans, stiff as a board, to get a tray with plastic cups. The otter hastened his step until he was in the safety of his car.

 

Once there, the otter curled up, his head between his knees, and cried. He slowly swayed back and forth, not caring how stupid he looked - he was alone anyway. And that was precisely one of the reasons why he cried.

 

His life had turned upside-down. Everything he fought for (literally in some cases) accomplished the opposite.

 

While his thoughts kept insisting it was all Flynn’s doing, part of him was aware he was just as much to blame. Even if he did not want to admit it. If anything, he also knew TJ would have led a miserable life under his protection.

 

Yet, he simultaneously blamed every one of them for his problems. Even if he did not want to. Like how he would sometimes find himself doing things he did not want to. It was like that day at the lake.

 

Which made him think about his state of mind then in detail and two things caught his attention: He did not want to kill Flynn. But he could not bring himself to stop holding him underwater. Same way how he would not strike TJ when the lynx interfered. Chase felt that it was almost as if he was having a fight with himself.

 

Chase gripped his head and sobbed, wondering if he was going insane.

 

The otter did not know how many hours he had spent wallowing in his self-pity and cycling through self-blaming and blaming others, but he eventually managed to get ahold of himself. Wiping his tears and snot on the sleeves of his coat and with one last sniffle, the otter turned the keys on the ignition of his car. He still needed to get home, make dinner and edit his work.

 

Something told him that it was not over yet.


	26. Nada Como Um Dia Após O Outro Dia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flynn and TJ try to come to terms that what happened in Echo won't ever fully go away. Flynn gets some good news from work, while TJ accepts that people are not as morally black and white as he wished they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, work, life and stress has really affecting my writing. Especially the speed and the number of times I am willing to re-read what I wrote (usually while at work, pretending to work XD). So, I deeply apologize for the delay.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy.

**Nada Como Um Dia Após O Outro Dia**

 

Seven weeks passed by fast, without anything noteworthy happening. By now, they were in mid-November.

 

Flynn and TJ had hanged around with Carl a few more times. Jenna was now focusing on finding a job in the area she desired. TJ had failed his driving exam, and spent a couple of weeks lamenting his failure. Fortunately, both Flynn and Jenna had managed to cheer him up.

 

He knew Toby would try again later. In fact, he had informed them that he would do it again that very week.

 

They had gone to other volunteer works at sundays, still distributing soup for the homeless, ‘specially with the start of winter. Chase had been nowhere to be seen after that encounter.

 

Speaking of which, the gila still felt a little irritated that his boss, who usually had his back, decided to leave him on his own. He looked at the tegu in question. They were doing some rounds in the mall’s parking lot, both of them in silence. Flynn licked his lips, trying to think on a better way to bring up the subject.

 

Of course, eventually, the young lizard gave up.

 

“Why didn’t ya back me up that time we ran into Chase?” asked Flynn. Luiz grunted and shrugged.

 

“What you wanted me to do? Send that otter to the hospital? I already told ya what you should do. Back in Florida, I had to put up with Immigration assholes everywhere nagging me even after I got my green card, yet I was mature enough to just politely smile an’ do what was needed to. Come on, Flynn, you’re near thirty now. It’s time you grew the fuck up.”

 

“Heh. Immigration officers didn’t try to fucking drown ya.”

 

“Might as well,” the tegu said and both of them started walking around the mall. It was a cloudy day, but no chance of rain. The late-autumn sky painted everything in a dull, gray-ish hue, making the day look slightly glum.

 

As glum as Flynn felt after meeting Chase again.

 

“Oh? How so?”

 

“I told ya before, you _idiota:_ Criminal types back home - and in Latin America as a whole - aren’t very forgiving. I can’t go anywhere there: The central part has the Mexicans, the western half has the Peruvians and the eastern part has the Brazilians. And all major cartels in those areas _hate_ me. They see me as a backstabbing snitch.”

 

“Are you?” Flynn asked. The tegu did not look amused.

 

“Depends. I did leave a few ‘farewell presents’ for them before skipping.”

 

“Ah. Alright,” the gila analysed his boss’ expression: He really seemed to miss his home country - or going back to one of his other adopted countries. In a way, Flynn understood that: He missed the more laid-back times of his youth, when Sydney was alive.

 

But he knew that would never come back.

 

When he told his boss about these thoughts, the tegu chuckled bitterly and lit a cigarette.

 

“True. We can’t go home anymore - there is no ‘home’ to go back to. But that is the thing: We are home now. Despite the little run-in with that otter, Chase, right?” Flynn nodded, used to Luiz doubting if he could correctly recall people’s names, “well, despite that run-in with him, you’re still fine with your little _lince,_ have a fucking cushy job here, managed to recover your friends, and now you have some kind of safety net to plan your future from. I bet that, two years and six months ago, you couldn't even _imagine_ you’d be like that by now.”

 

“I s’pose…”

 

Luiz gave him a sad smile and blew smoke out of his nostrils. “Listen, kid,” he placed his hand on Flynn’s shoulder, the tegu’s heavy hand pressing the radio clipped on the Flynn's shirt against his shoulder. Flynn did not mind the small discomfort.

 

“I was gonna wait to tell this to you and the rest of the guys this friday, after training, but we’re expanding. We’ll hire more guards and pay much more to you armed folks. You look forward for five hundred and fifty bucks a week. Two warehouses, one truck stop north of town, and one office building were interested. So you can’t even complain your pay is shit. And all we have to do is just cosplay as policemen all day long.”

 

That made Flynn laugh. Indeed, it had always bothered him that people with a lot of training like his boss, Angelo and Liao would be mall cops. Until he realized they did not take the typical ‘mall ninja’ route and, instead, saw that as a cushy gig.

 

“Is that certain?”

 

“Nothin’ is certain, except death,” Luiz smirked. “But I spoke to Mr. Maitland, and he was the one to tell me about the office building. So we’ll at least get that one. We just need to find a way to recruit a few losers to be unarmed guards.”

 

“Shit, Luiz, I’m glad to see you considered me a fucking loser when you hired me.”

 

“Well, you were sleepin’ in your truck. Considering my husband’s net worth is about a few hundred-something million dollars - minus his share of the inheritance - what’d ya expect me to think?”

 

Luiz grinned at him. Flynn tried to scowl at his boss, but just huffed and smirked in return. He knew by now when the tegu was joking (even when saying the truth) and when he really meant to hurt.

 

“Ah…” the tegu blew some smoke out, “you’ll be fine, kid. Just make sure to take care of what - and, especially, who - you have. The poor people in my country used to say _‘nada como um dia após o outro dia,’_ and it is how I kept going through my worst days.”

 

“And what in the fuck does that mean?”

 

“‘Nothing like one day after another.’ It’s meant to tell ya to live one day at once. Instead of going ‘damn, I’m gonna be this miserable for the rest of my life’, just think ‘alright, today’s being shit - let’s just soldier on ‘till we can go to bed.’ Don’t think about how tomorrow will be shit. It’ll drain your energy. Just worry about getting to the end of your day in one piece when you’re having a bad day. It is how our feral ancestors did.”

 

“Hm…” Flynn did not know how to respond to that. He just nodded and started thinking about what he had been told.

 

Yeah, they had met Chase again. Yes, it was awkward as fuck, especially how Toby behaved afterwards - he was sure the lizard would throw a fit like in the old times, and was surprised when Flynn had just taken a deep breath and, despite visibly angry, he just told he will not censor the lynx for something that was not his fault.

 

If he had told TJ that it was alright, he would have been lying. Seeing them interacting had opened a few old wounds and, deep down, he was sure TJ had noticed it.

 

Same as Jenna. The damn little vixen could tell something was wrong for the next couple of days. Eventually, however, the fennec stopped prying into his business. Ironically, it was then when Flynn had finally decided to tell the abridged version: They ran into Chase during the charity event and it was fucking awkward.

 

He did not tell her it made him a little afraid and jealous. For himself, for his relationship, for his life in general. In a way, he thanked the experience acquired from his job: Being a mall cop required him to take insult after insult and remain civil. It was a fucking thankless task, but his job (and his boss) pounded patience into his thick skull.

 

Still, Jenna had figured out the rest. All she said was that he should talk to Carla and get some therapy. That was enough to make Flynn decide to not talk to her for a few days. Not that it worked, since later in that same afternoon, they were already talking again.

 

After all, he had to take care of the people he had in his life.

 

Flynn looked forward for that weekend, however: Carl was going to graduate soon and, as reward, his parents would give him a two-bedroom apartment. Flynn wondered why Carl did not decide to skip town, but the answer was clear:

 

Carl wanted to stay because of him. In a way, they were family as well now.

 

The thought made Flynn smile fondly. He and TJ would get to see Carl’s new place - Flynn was sure it would be a disorganized mess - and hang out with him for the entire day. Jenna was invited as well, but she apparently had a job interview… at the Colorado Mental Health Institute. Who knows, maybe she and, ironically, Carl would be the first of them to make a living doing what they wanted.

 

Then again, after Flynn had given up joining the military (and Sydney’s death), he did not really want anything… and he was quite satisfied with his current occupation. Only the salary wasn’t to his liking, but his boss had just told him even that would change.

 

Life was good sometimes.

 

Luiz’s voice caught his attention again:

 

“Listen, Flynn, if we were in a swimmin’ pool, or the otter had a knife, or you two were dukin’ it out, I’d give ya a hand if looked like you were losing. But he didn’t do anythin’ wrong. I wouldn’t get on his case just because of it. It would make a scene and give us bad press. Know I still shudder when I see cops or military?”

 

“You?” Flynn asked with clear incredulity. Luiz nodded. “I thought you used to be a fucking cop.”

 

“Yes, yes I was. I faced my fears by becoming what I feared.” The tegu grinned. “But, seriously, I’m not fond of authority figures.”

 

“I see,” was all Flynn could think to say.

 

“Yeah, well, you don’t see me visibly freakin’ out when I see ‘em. But, trust me, my ‘fight-or-flight’ instincts kick in and I have to control myself. You gotta learn to do that.”

 

Flynn did not say anything, just nodding slightly. If he had to be frank, he was starting to tire of that subject. Even though he knew he was the one to bring it up.

 

“By the way,” the tegu smiled, “speakin’ of ancient subjects being brought to light by you… how did Tobias’ parents react to the news he’s datin’ ya?”

 

Now Flynn stopped on his tracks. He had mentioned that to his boss at some point, but did not count on him remembering that. If anything, he was about to tell him how it went, about a week ago, but they were interrupted by someone complaining about a peeping tom in the clothing store.

 

“Well, his old folks were a bit worried. I mean, their snowflake not only swings both ways, but’s dating the guy who made his life a fucking hell when he was a kid? Even I admit I wouldn’t like it.”

 

“Mhm,” Luiz nodded, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. “Go on.”

 

“Well,” the gila rubbed his spines, “they took it well after Teej told ‘em about how they found me and all the other shit we went through during the last two years or so, y’know? So they just told him they were happy for him and that he could always go to them if he needed help. Which I believe translates to ‘you can cry on our shoulder if Flynn fucks up again.’”

 

“Heh, they sound like decent folks,” the tegu said.

 

“I guess so. Better than Syd’s parents, that’s for damn sure.”

 

“Oh, trust me, I know a thing or two about that type of old folks.” Luiz chuckled bitterly.

 

“Yeah…” Flynn trailed off. This was getting depressing and it bothered the gila way too much. He decided to change subjects.

 

“I noticed Richard’s been all smiles lately. Did ya fuck him in a different position or somethin’?”

 

Now the tegu laughed again, this time it was genuine. “Nah, not really. I think he’s finally learnin’ to chill. He used to sleep too little so he’d micromanage the folks he put in charge of his side-businesses. Guy was on those appetite suppressant pill-thingies, know what I mean? Helped him get enough energy to keep movin’. Kinda like me and coke when I was in my twenties.”

 

“Damn. Did he stop?”

 

“He toned down, at least. I think he might stop someday. I dunno.” The tegu shrugged. “How about you and Tobias? None of you guys use anythin’, right?”

 

Flynn shook his head. “I quit smokin’ a little after Jenna had found me. Now, I won’t bullshit ya: I still crave for it from time to time. Teej’s a square. He doesn’t even drink.”

 

“Good. Though I dunno if I’m happy or sorry for your boyfriend.” The tegu grinned broadly.

 

The gila scoffed. “Fuck you, Luiz.”

 

They both laughed and entered the mall, their brief round around the building done, it was now time to check inside.

 

Later, way after the sun had set, Flynn did notice the two brand-new Dodge Chargers painted in the company livery and sporting amber LED light bars parked right by Luiz’s crown vic. The contrast between the older patrol car with the new one made the tegu seem much older in the gila’s mind.

 

But, then again, if that was what he liked, who was Flynn to fucking judge? The gila chuckled when his thoughts reminded him of his own preference for the bow and arrows as a teenager.

 

Flynn also started to realize why Luiz had made their improvised gym inside the main building. While the tegu was honest about their job not necessitating extreme training or equipment, as the young lizard went through his usual workouts and idly chatted with his coworkers, the gila realized it was meant to bring the team closer together while keeping them fit.

 

Now he realized why Luiz had been so adamant he should come. Even before Flynn had became fat.

 

When he approached the older lizard later that night, after the training was over, and inquired about it, the tegu showed him a sad smile.

 

“I thought you were so lonely and fucked up, so I figured I’d force ya to make a few friends. Even if that would have to be me. Even if you were a pain in the fucking ass.”

 

“Heh,” Flynn gave him a side-smirk. Not even his aunt had worried that much about him back when he worked for her. 

 

His phone buzzed and the gila’s smirk was replaced by curiosity as he retrieved it from the pocket of his slacks: It was TJ, saying he wanted to try making dinner that night for them. Flynn couldn’t stop himself from letting a hint of a fond smile form in his scaly lips.

 

“Go home. Angelo and I are gonna close the place. Seeya tomorrow,” said Luiz.

 

“Seeya, boss.” Flynn answered and walked off to his truck, looking forward to getting home. What was seeing Chase next to all the things he had in his life as of late?

 

Nothing. He had a lot of days ahead of him with the people he liked and without any otter in sight.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Earlier that day, TJ looked at his phone during his lunch break. Richard would show up any minute.

 

It bothered him to see Flynn so upset about Chase showing up. Not that he had not felt awkward about it, but he certainly did not feel threatened by the otter.

 

Still, he figured he could go for advice from someone that was experienced with relationships and dealing with violent people. It took him a while to gather enough courage to text Richard and explain that he needed his advice on ‘something heavy,’ but the goat was willing to help.

 

Eventually, the lynx saw Richard’s car pulling over and the goat emerging from it. They waved to each other and the older male approached TJ and took a seat by the young feline’s side on the bench right outside Parkview Medical Center.

 

After exchanging their greetings, TJ decided to just come out with it:

 

“Thank you for coming. I need your help with something… did you and Luiz ever run into someone who tried to harm him in the past?” Richard raised one eyebrow, and the lynx decided to clarify: “That reporter, Chase, he used to be our friend, until… well, until something happened between the three of us.”

 

“Oh,” Richard nodded, “I know. Lulu has told me that you three had done some bad things in the past.”

 

Tobias now felt a shiver run through his spine. So, Richard knew. It did leave the lynx a little disappointed to know that - it meant that, at some point, Flynn had told his boss about what happened. Likely in confidence. Yet, his boss had gone to his husband and told him.

 

“Yeah…” TJ could not look at the goat in the eye now. “I mean… it’s… I could tell Flynn is still upset after what happened. I mean, I don’t know, but I think even I wouldn’t be okay with seeing the person who almost killed me-”

 

“Woah, woah, woah, hold on a minute, darling,” now Richard looked shocked, if not horrified, “did that guy actually _try to kill_ Flynn?”

 

 _Oh, poop,_ TJ thought to himself, _he did not know it all._

 

“I thought Luiz told you about it?” TJ finally asked. The ibex shook his head.

 

“No! He said you three just had something bad happen amongst you. He never said that young otter actually tried to kill Mr. Moore.”

 

TJ took a long breath in and sighed. Well, no use keeping it secret now.

 

“About two years and ten months ago, Chase called us to go back to our hometown of Echo. I didn’t really want to go at first, but figured it could be fun…”

 

And so Tobias told a summary of what had happened. He did not spare a single thing - even making sure to talk about Flynn’s abusive behavior. During it all, he could not notice any change in the ibex goat’s expression. Soon enough, he was done.

 

“Well… that’s quite a lot to take in,” Richard conceded, “and I knew there was something off about Flynn Moore the moment I laid my eyes on him.”

 

The goat sighed and shrugged and continued. “I supposed it was good that Lulu convinced me to give him a chance. He himself was desperately in need of one back when we first met. But that’s another story, darling - back to you… what _exactly_ do you need help with?”

 

The lynx swallowed and rubbed his forearm. He had to force himself to meet the older male’s gaze. “I don’t know what to do. I know they won’t ever be friends anymore, but I mean… Chase… Chase wasn’t an evil person. He isn’t. He seriously thought he was doing the best for us. And… heeh… now I care so, so much about Flynn, I don’t like the idea of him being so upset every time I run into Chase. I also wish I could… I dunno. I think I just called you to vent. I feel like it’s all my fault. I was the one who kept my mouth shut about Sydney for all those years… if I had told it then… but I didn’t want to incriminate Chase...” Tears started welling on the young feline’s eyes.

 

The goat rubbed his long goatee in thought, humming. Eventually, he made a dismissive hand gesture.

 

“Darling, first and foremost. By what you told me - if that’s true - there is no one squarely at fault there. Yes, you could have told the authorities or Flynn what happened, true. But Flynn could have refrained from threatening you - and outright kidnapping you - during that time. Last, but not least, Chase did not need to try and _drown_ him. If you want to feel guilty, bear in mind the other two are just equally in the wrong. That might be a cold comfort, but I believe going _mea culpa_ about it all is doing more harm than good to you.”

 

TJ had heard the same thing before. From Carla, from Jenna, and from Flynn. But, to him, it was important to hear that from someone with the same set of beliefs he had.

 

He found himself quickly hugging Richard. The goat hesitated, then patted his back.

 

“There, there, darling. Now, look at me,” TJ pulled away, “what I am going to tell you is something I want you to keep just between the both of us. I am going to tell you that _anyone_ can do something really bad. Not just the evil people we see on the news.”

 

The lynx pulled back and wiped his tears on the sleeve of his work uniform, then nodded for Richard to go on.

 

“You know… Luiz used to be a policeman, right?” TJ nodded again, “It was very important for him. He saw it as his own chance to make it right for all the wrongs he did back when he was a criminal. And, for the most part, he was good at his job.”

 

“It was after we moved here to Pueblo. Anyway… after a few years on the job, he got acquainted with a regular of theirs. This wife-beating bear redneck. He used to go to the same church we do. It was always the same: They’d arrest the guy, wife wouldn’t press charges, guy walks away free to do it again. Rinse and repeat.”

 

Richard licked his lips. “One day… it was after Luiz’s father died, Lulu was upset over his father calling him a couple of days before he passed away, asking for forgiveness. He and his partner got this call about domestic disturbance and, Lo and behold, it was that bear. Luiz and his partner arrested him as normal, but on the way to the station, he started humming ‘Jesus Love Me’, know that one?”

 

“Yeah,” TJ nodded.

 

“I think you remember how Luiz’s father was. So, when that bear started humming the hymn, it ticked him off the wrong way and Lulu took a detour to the middle of nowhere. He got the guy out of the patrol car and proceeded to… he beat him into a coma. It was like he had unleashed all the beatings he had gotten from his father onto that man at once.”

 

“Of course, that means he got persecuted. But his partner was more than happy to contribute with evidence against him. In the end, after a lot of money spent, I managed to have the DA talk the right people into giving him a suspended sentence of public service and all he had to do was pay fifty thousand dollars to the family of the man he beat. He’s still brain dead, you know.”

 

TJ did not know when his mouth opened in shock, but by now he realized it. He licked his black lips and closed it again. “Wow, Richard, I… I don’t know what to say.”

 

“Hold on,” the goat raised one hand, “I’m not done. I am not talking about what he did. I am talking about what _I_ did.”

 

“We had a huge argument over that. I… I said some things I shouldn’t have said, to which then Luiz, he… he stormed off. I didn’t see him for nearly two months. I had to hire private investigators to track him down. He was closer than I thought, in the end: He lived in the same trailer park he had set Mr. Moore in. Heh, Lulu never minded living in a spartan way.”

 

“We did reconcile… he then asked me to lend him some money so he could open a security company… but every now and then his former partner would show up and he would be upset. Pueblo’s a small town, after all.”

 

“I see… so, like Chase and Flynn?” TJ asked.

 

“In a way,” Richard nodded, “but thing is… what I did puts me closer to Chase or Flynn in this situation. Say… do you think I’m a bad person, Tobias?”

 

TJ was taken by surprise by that question. He rubbed his arms again, his ears drooping, before perking back up. “Not really… you’re a busy man and still dedicate time to help others. I got this job because of you!” He smiled sadly at the goat.

 

Richard nodded weakly, which made TJ’s ears droop again. “Well… keep that in mind now. To continue my tale…”

 

The goat slumped over and supported his face on his right fist, looking away at the horizon. “I blamed his partner for it all. He harmed Luiz in a way few people had done. I think one should never crush someone’s dream. So I thought a little and decided to do what my heart told me to. Know, your heart is not always in the right place, right? Well, mine told me to get that man out of the picture and, then, Lulu would never be forced to see him again.”

 

The lynx knew where that was going. He nodded. “Yeah…” he said weakly.

 

“First, I looked into his former partner’s life. He had a girlfriend. Romanian. Illegal, unlike Lulu now. So the first thing I did was tip Immigration and they sent her back to that Eastern European hole she crawled from. Then, his ailing father needed a kidney transplant ASAP. I had spoken to a few other philanthropists and we set up a charity to help poor people in need of such medical assistance… which I then used to put everyone in front of his old man’s. The dialysis treatment ate through his life savings.” TJ could only watch in horror as he realized just how easily someone with enough time and money could systematically ruin someone’s life.

 

Richard continued. “Then I learned he did take bribes. Small things, like to overlook prostitution and such. I had evidence mailed to the Chief. He did not lose his job, but now he was under close watch from the higher-ups and it stressed him. A newly wed couple moved in to the house next to his and they liked to leave their stereo on all night long. Last, but not least, I found out he was a recovering alcoholic. So, one day, he woke up to see that the empty place across the street is now a Maitland Liquor Store.”

 

The goat looked at TJ, his expression grim. “He shot himself in the mouth that year.”

 

“So I had my revenge. I saw myself as making sure he would never upset Luiz again. I did not become a philanthropist after that - I always was. I always liked to help. But that time, I decided to punish him for messing with the man I loved… and know how it made me feel?”

 

“How…?” TJ said, barely above a whisper.

 

“At first? Powerful. After I had thought about it however, when it finally dawned on me what I had done? Shame.” It was now the goat’s eyes that started welling with tears, but none ran down the white-cream fur of his face. Richard knew how to get a hold of his emotions pretty well - TJ had to admit he wished he had that skill.

 

“And when Luiz found out… oh, God…” The older male sunk his face on his hands and took a deep breath, almost a sniff. “He was horrified. He… he had done worse things in the past, but he didn’t want me doing that kind of thing. He… did not want to believe I had done that. I did it for him, but he was still horrified.”

 

TJ thought about himself and Chase. He was acquainted with the feeling.

 

He then shuddered at the thought of helping him hide yet another crime, if Flynn had died. He knew he’d have nightmares with that again after that conversation.

 

Richard calmed down and, with a deep breath, straightened himself. “I paid for the man’s funeral, managed to get his father a spot to do the procedure he needed, and Luiz tracked down his ex-girlfriend and managed to get her a work visa,” he shook his head, “but that did not fix anything. They don’t know I did all of that, except for the liquor store - which his father said was just an unfortunate coincidence. Heh… even if they knew and forgave me, what then? It wouldn’t undo what happened. And, to make it worse, what I had done managed to upset Luiz - which was the opposite of what I wanted to do. Had I not been so blinded by my fear and anger, I’d have noticed he was having a good time with his new business. He even made friends with this vet who came back from Iraq, Angela, I think. It was before her transition… but I’m rambling now. My point is: I’ll not really forget what I did, I can’t fix that. But life goes on.”

 

 “I see…” TJ said.

 

“So, I try to move on. I finally understood how Lulu felt, about his past. It will never go away fully. But we manage. Now, once more: do you think I am an evil man, Tobias? Be honest.”

 

Tobias gave it some serious thought. He looked at Richard and he could clearly see the expectation, even a hint of fear in the goat’s face. He thought about himself, Chase and Flynn. And their own sins.

 

“No… not really. I think you’re doing your best. But you have flaws… like everyone. I still think you’re a good man, Richard,” despite his droopy ears, TJ offered him a sad smile.

 

The goat nodded, letting out a breath he had been holding. “Thank you. I can’t fix what I did… but that does not mean I should stop trying to be a better person, you know? We still have so many chances to be a good person, to seek our happiness… I think God gives us the next day for that reason,” he looked back at TJ. “And let my story be a warning: Good people can screw up royally too, if they're not careful. Some truly horrible things have been done with the noblest of goals.” TJ nodded, and Richard finished: “Any of us can be a Chase.”

 

As sad as it was, TJ acknowledged that was true.

 

“I'm sorry to say, but... toast can never be bread again, Tobias. I think the problem between you, Flynn and Chase may never be solved. Some things are just unsolvable. But does not mean you three shouldn’t try to seek a better life. I bet you did not even see yourself where you are right now.”

 

TJ’s ears perked up. “No… no, not really.” A funny thought popped up and TJ involuntarily chuckled. When the ibex looked confused, he decided to just voice it: “You know… if things had been different, I think... I think I’d be with Chase by now. I mean… just like with Flynn, I started noticing he was kinda cute. Even though it was in a rather embarrassing situation.”

 

“Oho?” The goat grinned, “what situation?”

 

“Well,” TJ cleared his throat, “you know otters have scent glands, right?” Richard nodded, “Chase and I spent the day hiking, then we went to this diner…”

 

During that conversation, the heavy atmosphere lifted from them. Sure, the near-death of Flynn and all the events leading to it still hung over Tobias. But he still kept his focus on the present.

 

It was funny indeed. He realized he had started growing infatuated with Flynn in a similar manner: By noticing he looked pretty good. Maybe the whole ‘love’ thing really was voluntary, and the involuntary part was motivated by appearance.

 

Yes, he was becoming jaded. But TJ was still determined to stick with what he thought was right.

 

After all, in the end of the day, did it matter the how and why they were together? They were happy with it, and it was all that matters.

 

The rest of his lunch hour flew by and, after walking back to Parkview with Richard. The lynx clocked back in and thanked the goat for his help.

 

“Anytime, TJ,” Richard smiled down at him. “By the way, I’m throwing a party this New Year, and you and Flynn are invited.”

 

“Alright,” the lynx smiled broadly, “just make sure to tell us again in December, so I won’t forget.”

 

The goat chuckled and waved goodbye. TJ returned the gesture and went back to work with a smile on his face, a random thought popping up in his mind: What if he surprised Flynn by making dinner that evening?

 

He hoped it wouldn’t result in the same inedible gloop his last attempt was. Even if it was kinda funny to see Flynn forcing a smile and clearly lying that it was good.

 

TJ was happy. Life was good, after all. And if he had a bad day, so what? Maybe the next one could be good.


	27. Happy New Year!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2018 is out and 2019 is in! And we follow Flynn Moore as he attends two New Year parties: The first one at the mall, with the other employees (and only because Richard ordered him and everyone else to go in order to 'build team spirit'), and later to a smaller, better one thrown at Richard's own house, that promised to be much more entertaining.
> 
> For one, he would be able to bring TJ with him to the second one. What could possibly go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my lovely boyfriend for proofreading this for me ^^

**Happy New Year!**

 

It was a cold day. Much too cold for Flynn’s liking.

 

Then again, cold-blooded creatures found everything a tad colder than they would like.

 

On the plus side, the sky outside was clear of clouds, so it might be that it would not rain. If Flynn had to be honest, it would be a beautiful day, had it been a little warmer.

 

The working hours took forever to end. Because his boss had been true to his word, they had hired a few new guys, and moved Bharata - the hindu dude that worked in the day shift with them - to a warehouse on the outskirts of the town, it meant Luiz and Angelo had been busy training one guy each.

 

It left Flynn without someone to kill time by talking with. He would text TJ or Jenna, but his boyfriend (and it was still somewhat new for him to use that word - the gila had never had one) was busy at his own job, and Jenna was, apparently, studying.

 

Eventually, he saw Liao arriving to work and knew the mall was about to close. The cobra nodded at him, but looked unsure about the amount of people still present. He knew Liao never liked crowds - he had practically begged to be put in the night shift.

 

The gila awaited until the last customer was out, then made his way to the employees’ locker room. He found both his bosses there, chatting about the upcoming New Year party for the employees.

 

“Furthermore,” Richard was saying, “if you don’t show up, it’ll be very rude.”

 

“Like I give a shit about being rude.” Luiz grinned. “I’d rather be home, you know I’m not fond of all these people.”

 

The ibex goat crossed his arms. “Make an effort for a good work relationship.”

 

Luiz groaned and frowned. The tegu was about to respond, when he noticed Flynn. A smirk appeared on his muzzle.

 

“Say, kid, how do you feel about these mandatory new years mini-parties we have?”

 

Flynn stopped in his tracks and looked at both older males, before opening his mouth to say something.

 

But a good hard look at Richard’s scowling expression made the gila re-evaluate what he was about to say. “I… I’d rather not give my opinion. Now excuse me, I’m going to the bathroom.”

 

He passed them in a haste before any of his bosses could drag him further into the conversation. He could make out Luiz accusing Richard of censorship, though.

 

The gila, if he had to be honest, would rather go home and rest before going to the party at Richard’s place. Instead, he’d have to stay for one or two hours at work still just to please his boss and a bunch of other employees he didn’t give a shit about.

 

Speaking of it, he really needed to go to the bathroom. After fishing his phone and opening a page on the news just so he’d have something to read, the young lizard realized it could be argued that what he was about to do _was_ a good way to express his opinion of the next couple of hours.

  
  


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Indeed, not even forty minutes later, Flynn found himself standing up next to Luiz, both still in their uniforms like all other mall employees, but neither of the reptiles sharing their enthusiasm.

 

Richard was being himself; a social butterfly. Going to each and every partygoer and making up conversation. They had cheap snacks and cheap, watered-down cider to drink.

 

“Know, Luiz… I hope you don’t mind me sayin’ this but, uh, I fucking hate those mandatory events.”

 

The tegu chuckled. “So do I. Rich believes it builds a bond between the employees and such shit. Most of them seem to like it, though.”

 

“Where’s the fucking janitor?” The gila looked around, “the old dog was here a minute ago.”

 

“Clifford took the chance upon the first fat woman screwing up the toilet to sneak out.”

 

“Lucky bastard,” Flynn concluded. His boss grunted and nodded.

 

They observed some more and the gila couldn’t help but groan once the usual middle-aged fat women - which reminded him of his auntie - started giving heartfelt ‘Happy New Year’ wishes and hugging other folks.

 

“This is more shit I fucking hate: Those old women who come cryin’ and wishing a happy whatever holiday it is. It never felt sincere; they don’t even fucking know me. That and I don’t like people touching me without my fucking permission.”

 

The older tegu laughed at that and Flynn couldn’t help but smirk. Another reason why the aging lizard got along with him was exactly that: They shared similar views.

 

“Yeah, those are the worst. In times like these, knowing more than one language helps.”

 

“How so?” Flynn asked, then noticed a chubby-looking cow approaching him, her eyes welled with crocodile tears. Before he could say anything, she hugged him tight and blubbered her wishes. She then did the same to Luiz.

 

“Yeah, Happy New Year to you too, _puta gorda,”_ the tegu said with a tender smile on his face.

 

Flynn blinked in surprise as he watched his boss taking turns cursing the obnoxious employees now lining up to hug them in what appears to be Spanish and Brazilian Portuguese. He had to ask which was which later.

 

“Yeah, have a nice vacation, _eu sei que tu estava dando o cu para o cara da loja de esportes, sua vadia rasgadeira._ Alright, enough already.” His boss had finished the last one and sent her away. He turned to the gila and sighed. “Yet one hour and a half still of this shit.”

 

“Can’t we sneak out?” Flynn finally asked, smirking in amusement at the stunt he had just witnessed. Maybe he should learn a second language.

 

“Sure, as long as Rich doesn’t see it. Maybe if we slowly walk towards the door while keeping our backs to the wall while he’s talkin’, then we’ll be able to join the other guys.”

 

They started moving towards the door when, as if on cue, Richard turned around from a small circle of people chatting by the cider table and glared at them. Luiz shrugged and smiled innocently.

 

“Fuck.” Flynn said and leaned against the wall. He wished he had a toothpick to chew on, even though he had promised himself to quit doing that after nearly choking on a toothpick during his first Black Friday at the mall. A cigarette could help, too, but they’d have to be outside in order to smoke anyway - it meant he wouldn’t be stressed by being cooped up in this party in the first place.

 

He had gone through worse, however, so the young lizard decided to soldier on.

 

Eventually, his boss’ radio chimed in. It was Angelo on the other end:

 

“Guys? Can any of you come’ere and help us with somethin’ in the back? It’s kinda urgent.”

 

Flynn felt a little anxious, despite schooling his features into a neutral expression. He had never heard Angelo being so nervous.

 

He looked at Richard and noticed the goat and Luiz were talking. The tegu nodded and walked towards the gila. “Let’s go.”

 

With a sigh, the younger lizard followed his rotund boss outside of the party. Who knows, maybe it would be just a hobo that looks like he died this time.

  
  


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Flynn was surprised when Luiz took him to the stairs leading to the roof and opened the door. They were greeted by the fading sunlight and a cold breeze, sending shivers down Flynn’s body. He zipped up his uniform jacket and followed his boss, who was making his way to the other three people there: Angelo, the elephant; Liao, the cobra; and Clifford, the dog.

 

“Thanks for finally goin’ with the script.” Luiz said to the elephant. Angelo grunted and replied:

 

“Sorry for the delay, boss. Clifford here was havin’ trouble to bring the booze upstairs.”

 

Looking at the aging janitor, Flynn reminded of Luiz’s joke when the ‘corpse’ they had found last Christmas Eve turned out to be alive. The aging gray dog did, indeed, look like the hobo.

 

Next to Angelo, there was a large ice box with a few beer bottles sticking out of it. Luiz tossed one to Flynn, who managed to grab it without fumbling, while he picked another and opened it himself. They took their seat on the floor like the others, with their backs against the cold concrete borders that were there to prevent someone from falling. Flynn took a swig of his beer - despite being in an ice box and it being December, it still managed to be lukewarm.

 

He did not complain: It beat Richard’s ‘let’s kiss each other’s asses’ party by a fucking mile.

 

They drank in silence, taking a few long moments Luiz finally broke the silence by asking Flynn a question:

 

“Is your _lince_ gonna be at the party tonight?”

 

“Hm?” Flynn’s mind was somewhere else, so it took a second for him to realize that the question was meant for him. “Oh, yeah, he will. I thought I said that before.”

 

“Oh. Alright.” The tegu looked away, taking another swig of his booze.

 

“Well,” Angelo took a deep breath and stretched before continuing with what he had been saying, “since my ma’s gone, I s’pose I could drop by.”

 

Flynn’s boss seemed to perk up more, and that did not escape the gila.

 

“Anyone else? I need to know how much booze to get.”

 

“Sure, why not?” said Clifford, the janitor, “I ain’t got no family anyway…”

 

The cobra, on the other hand, slowly shook his head. “Working tonight. Not fond of parties.”

 

“I suppose livin’ in a place so packed with people has made you have enough of crowds, eh, Liao? Hehe…” Angelo said, but as the cobra glared at him, his laugh died and the elephant briefly looked awkward, before turning back to Flynn.

 

“I’m surprised you’re gonna go to Richard’s place. Why didn’t you go last year?”

 

The gila made a grimace and made a self-note to not get closer to the elephant after he’s had… about a dozen bottles of beer. Angelo was annoyingly chatty like that.

 

“Toby was away to Canada. I didn’t feel like doin’ much.”

 

“Pity. You missed the boss here proving he can spit fire without burning his muzzle… or the house. By the way, do you have that vodka this year, Luiz?”

 

“No. One of our guests might be very fuzzy and fuzzy critters are flammable. Not like your kind with those stray single hairs you have around the body.” The tegu grinned and Angelo chuckled.

 

Meanwhile, Flynn reflected on the things that had been happening since when he met his boss, to when he saved his fucking neck more than once, than all the pep talks and even the few friendly hangouts. The gila did not fully understand Luiz’s reason to help him - but he accepted and was very thankful.

 

It did not mean the tegu had to let his early passive-aggressive attitude slide once in a while just so they could become friendlier.

 

It was then that Flynn realized: Luiz had no friends.

 

Despite being friendly with everyone, he rarely hung out with the others. If anything Angelo had been growing closer to him during the past year. He wondered if it was because the tegu managed to be both intimidating and awkward, but that was not all of it.

 

As if reading his mind, Angelo decided to comment on that exact situation: “Hmm know, boss?”

 

“Hm?” Luiz said as he drank a long gulp of beer.

 

“Y’know I’m thankful for makin’ my dreams come true and all, but, uh… I’m glad you’ve been more friendly as of late.”

 

“Yeah,” Clifford said, “ya behaved like a goddamn robot: Clock in, stand still, clock out. Said five phrases only and that’s it. What does this new kid of yours have that we don’t?”

 

“A nice ass.” Luiz said and finished his bottle, fishing for another. Flynn spat out the beer he had been drinking and coughed a little, some of it coming through his nose. After he had calmed down, his colleagues laughed again.

 

“We didn’t fuck, alright?” Flynn said, trying to keep the outrage out of his voice.

 

“We know, we know,” Clifford said, his chuckles dying down, but the old dog still had an amused smirk. “We just didn’t expect that answer from him. Don’t take it personal, Flynn.”

 

They drank for nearly one hour, talking about this and that. Eventually, both Liao and Clifford excused themselves and left. The booze was starting to go to Flynn’s head and he texted TJ, asking if he could pick him up. He would be sober enough by 10 pm to… drink more at Richard’s new year party and not make an ass of himself in his bosses’ home? Well, he certainly would have to watch for the shit he said next to the goat. He did not like foul language.

 

Good thing bringing Teej along would help his mind to focus on him.

 

Speaking of which, the gila decided to answer Angelo’s question:

 

“Might be we went through similar shit?”

 

Angelo grunted. He was sobering up already. Lucky bastard, being that large.

 

“Maybe. But all of us have sad stories here to tell. And while the boss aided us, he did take a particular interest in ya. Maybe ‘cause you’re young or ‘cause you’re a reptile. I know a few people still think reptilians are creepy and unsettling. Bullshit, all of it.”

 

“Oh? And what kind of shit you guys have gone through?” Flynn did not like how it came out - it was sarcastic, even though part of him had been genuinely curious.

 

Then again, being curious almost led to his death last time.

 

The elephant shrugged again. “Well, Clifford doesn’t see his family in decades. He worked as a salesman in the eighties only to, one day, find his wife fucking his boss. He then drove until his car ran out of fuel - which meant he ended up in Colorado.”

 

“Oh… I see. That sucks.” What else could he say? Flynn’s thoughts briefly brushed at the topic of his own family: Did he miss any of them?

 

The answer was ‘no’. Unless Syd counted. He tried to push the thoughts away before it made him feel worse. “So… how about Liao?”

 

“Illegal immigrant. Runnin’ from the law,” this time it was Luiz who said, leaning at the chest-high concrete barrier around the edges of the roof, head resting over his crossed scarred arms. “Son of a police chief in Shangai picked a fight with him, but Liao kicked the playboy’s ass. He fled their government.”

 

“Of course, ‘cause Luiz here is a dirty commie,” Angelo avoided Luiz’s half-assed attempt to smack his ear while chuckling, “Liao’s a tad too paranoid that he will one day just tattle him to the authorities.”

 

Luiz shrugged. “Eh. It’s useful at times. He never argues with me.”

 

“To be fair, he was never fond of talking or other people,” Angelo rubbed his chin, “from what little we gathered from when he was drunk last year, he seems to enjoy being alone.”

 

They were in silence on the roof now. Was any of those stories worse than being nearly killed? He didn’t know. He wanted to think his pain hurt more, but he had spent the last year learning that each person has a different threshold.

 

That and he personally knew a tegu who went through more encounters with death than he did.

 

What puzzled him now, was how a former mariner could get along with a guy who openly disliked the military.

 

“How did the two of ya become pals anyway? I mean, you’re a fuckin’ vet, and Luiz…”

 

“Hates any authority figures?” The elephant let out a deep laugh. “Yeah, I know. We didn’t get along at first… but thing is, he was more accepting of my transition than my squadmates.”

 

_Wait, what the fuck?_

 

“Transition?” Flynn was shocked, looking at the massive man in front of him.

 

“Yup. When I joined the team, it was me, Liao, Bharata and that’s it. And my name was…” the elephant seemed to briefly grimace, “my name was Angela.”

 

“I tried to convince him to change to ‘Angel’, since I’d just cover the ‘a’ on his plaque and we’d spare the expense to make a new one.”

 

Angelo let out a snicker. “Yeah, he actually did that. But, yeah. He was totally chill with it. He even fired another guy on my account because he made a joke about it.”

 

“Meanwhile,” Luiz said, “I learned he’s alright, I guess. For an ex-marine.”

 

“I see… is this why you always shower last?”

 

Angelo sighed. “Pretty much, yeah. I’m afraid medicine can’t do much for a guy my species. But, eh, I’ll live ‘till it can. I made it this far.”

 

“I always thought there’s no such thing as an ‘ex-marine’,” Flynn crossed his arms. He had decided to move away from Angelo’s secret. Both to not nag his coworker, and because his inner child was screaming to know more about the stuff he used to consider cool.

 

The elephant let out another deep chuckle. “Well, there is one - when ya get dishonorably discharged.”

 

“‘Dishonorably discharged?’ Jesus fucking Christ, what have you done?” Flynn asked. He was used to the elephant being the most calm and chill person he had ever met - despite being nearly eight feet tall.

 

“Being tall and unladylike doesn’t make you unattractive to a horny soldier who’s been without any for a few months. Doubly-so for a lieutenant. Every time that fucking hog passed me by, he’d grope my ass. One day, I twisted his arm into a pretzel. Turns out paper-pushers don’t remember much of their CQC - who would’ve thought?”

 

Luiz was the first one to laugh. He raised his bottle with about one or two swigs worth of beer still left in a toast. “I’ll drink to that!”

 

“To knowin’ when to kick ass,” Angelo clinked his bottle with Luiz’s.

 

“And to survivin’ everythin’ life threw at us,” Luiz said.

 

Flynn did not add anything, but he could drink to that.

  
  


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Almost five hours later, Flynn found himself in the passenger seat of his truck. Even though he had mostly sobered up by the time he had arrived home, TJ had insisted to drive them to and from Richard’s home. The young lynx seemed ecstatic to be showing off his newly-acquired ability to drive, and seeing him driving with his attention focused solely on the road, and his ears turning to all directions, made Flynn smile.

 

Pueblo did not have many police officers, so Flynn wasn’t afraid of being pulled over if he still had some alcohol in his bloodstream, should an emergency arise. Most of their cops would be likely busy around crowds like the massive reggae show they would have by the larger Riverwalk - though it was very close to Richard’s address - or at other key points of the city.

 

In either case, the gila had driven back to Echo from the Smoke Room in a much worse state before.

 

Thinking about those times made Flynn let out a chuckle. TJ briefly looked at him, then back at the road, and the gila assured he was just thinking about ‘something’. Flynn felt weird finally _living_ a life. It wasn’t a bad feeling, by any means, but it was interesting whenever his mind drifted back to how his existence in Echo differed from the past couple of years. Especially the latest one.

 

Suddenly, he looked forward for the next day. And, even though he still had his bad moments, it felt fucking great to finally being able to enjoy what life had to offer.

 

He looked at TJ again, his boyfriend still with his attention firmly set on the road. Flynn still found weird to use that word sometimes, as if he were dreaming and would wake up in the trailer - or worse - in Echo. And then realize all of that was just a dream.

 

But, more and more, he woke up to find himself cocooned in the warm blankets TJ and Jenna bought him, sometimes while cuddling up said lynx.

 

He now understood why Leo enjoyed being all touchy-feely with people.

 

Flynn also wondered if TJ had similar thoughts, considering all the shit they went through. Maybe he could ask him about it sometime - hopefully it wouldn’t upset the young guy.

 

The gila’s thoughts were brought to an abrupt halt when his GPS announced they had arrived at their destination - but it wasn’t the electronic device that brought him back to reality: It was TJ’s uncharacteristic scream of ‘oh, crap!’ while abruptly breaking. The gila would have hit his face on the dashboard were he not wearing his seatbelt.

 

After a second, Flynn calmed himself down to see what was going on: Someone piloting one of those brightly coloured (why was it always green or yellow?) stupid Japanese motorcycles made for speed had tried to take their parking spot. He could not see their face due the helmet they wore, only that was apparently another goat - with one horn about two-thirds the size of the other, clearly broken - and somewhat muscular arms. They were short and wore denim pants and a leather jacket.

 

TJ’s grip on the steering wheel was still tight, and Flynn could see his claws even dug on the old rubber a little. The mysterious biker dismounted and walked towards the driver’s window and Flynn could see it was a female. She took her helmet off and her short, bright-green head fur was visible - combed over the right side of her head - and she greeted them with a nervous smile.

 

“Woah there, almost got myself crushed, huh? Good thing this guy’s a good pilot.” She chuckled nervously after that. Toby had started panting and swallowed hard, just nodding. Flynn glared at the female goat.

 

“Jesus fucking Christ! What’s wrong with ya? If we had fuckin’ killed ya, TJ here would be in a world of shit because of you!” The gila undid his seatbelt and got out of the truck.

 

The goat raised her paws in a peace gesture. “Woah there, chill! We’re all alive!” Flynn still held his glare at her, his arms crossed over his chest.

 

After a couple of seconds in silence, the goat relented. “Look… I’m just here to see my older bro, a'ight? So I’ll just park by that dumpster, you can have this spot, and we forget it while we’ll never see each other again, a’ight?”

 

“Not really. I think we’re here for the same reason.” Flynn sighed and relaxed a little bit. He looked at TJ, and noticed the lynx seemed to be relaxing. Good. He didn’t want to get fired for punching his boss’ sister. Though he did notice the large knife she had strapped to her right ankle.

 

“Uh, pardon me, but I don’t think you’re related to Richard.” The goat looked genuinely puzzled and it took Flynn’s all willpower to not facepalm. “Unless Luiz has a brother I’ve never heard of.”

 

“Uhm, he works for Luiz,” TJ offered, forcing a smile. The doe briefly returned it in kind to the lynx, before looking back at Flynn. “Ohhhh! Nice to see uncle Luiz’s makin’ friends! I’m Eleanor, Richard’s younger sister.” She offered her paw. Flynn shook it and was surprised by her calloused palms and firm grip. Up close, he could see the goat also had a few scars, mostly cuts and burns, including one cutting through the right side of her muzzle.

 

As she shook hands with TJ, the doe continued blabbering: “...of course, Luiz is not my uncle, he’s my brother-in-law, but I was five when we first met and he kinda raised me, y’know? So I just got used to call him uncle. Anyways, let’s park and get upstairs.”

 

Flynn and TJ blinked and the lynx shrugged. Her sudden switch of topics and interests could explain her recklessness: The woman was aloof, likely living in her own little world.

 

In either case, they finished parking the truck and followed the goat upstairs to Richard’s penthouse - which took the entire top floor of the high-class State they were in.

 

The stairs passed through two small iron bar gates with cameras and their own security guards watching from within a mirrored glass room behind said gates. Then it exited on the other side of the building, leading to a patio on the second floor which made Flynn think it was like they had built a mini-mansion over the high-class apartment building. This Bella Sancti condo must be worth more than his yearly income every week.

 

“Come on!” Eleanor said as she pushed the heavy, wooden double doors open. There were a few people inside whom Flynn couldn’t recognize - and Richard. They followed right after her and saw the two siblings embracing, before she broke off the hug and embraced another, taller and more muscular brown-furred goat with short horns. She called him ‘John’, and Flynn realized it was Richard’s older brother.

 

“I’m so glad you two could come!” Richard smiled - a genuine one, which put Flynn off for a moment - and gave TJ a half-hug, then just a handshake to Flynn. “I take you already met Eleanor on the way.”

 

“Yeah. Almost met her head-on,” Flynn deadpanned. Richard seemed confused, before it dawned on him. “Oh, sure, sure - her reckless driving is legendary. Anyways, this is John, my older brother.”

 

The brown goat smiled at Flynn and TJ and briefly shook hands with them. The wedding band he wore on his left paw, as well as the other ring on his right index finger, his watch, and his casual outfit hinted he was even wealthier than Richard. The goat then introduced them to his brother’s wife - the kids were already asleep - and a few other business partners out of politeness.

 

“Say, where’s Luiz?” Flynn asked. Eleanor had been by the food table - mostly fruit salads, a few pastries, and a massive punch bowl in the middle - and came back chewing on a cheesebread upon hearing Flynn asking about his boss.

 

“Oh! Well, he’s down the corridor, first door to the right. Watch the steps,” he looked at TJ, “fair warning: the only non-alcoholic beverage here is that fruit punch.”

 

“Thanks!” The lynx smiled and took a large cup, before turning back to Flynn. “Do you want some…?”

 

“Nah, I’ll stick with beer,” the gila smiled and stroked TJ’s head briefly. The lynx first leaned his head against the gila’s large hand, then pulled back embarrassed when Eleanor vocalized a ‘d’awwww’.

 

“I’ll talk to Richard a bit, then, uh, I’ll join you guys later.” said TJ. Flynn decided to push his luck and briefly kissed him on the lips - lucky, TJ didn’t appear to mind - and followed Eleanor to Luiz’s side of the party.

 

Indeed, it was hard to miss: The smell of cigar smoke and alcohol was clear, as well as the overwhelmingly male pheromones wafting from the open door leading to Luiz’s man-cave. Flynn entered soon after Eleanor - who promptly ran towards the tegu and they embraced tightly - and took a look around.

 

Most of it was in shades of red and brown. A few flags hung on the wall over the couch Luiz had taken his seat - and clearly he main seat of the room: He could make out the Brazilian and Mexican flag, as well as - for some unfathomable reason - the USSR’s. But there were a couple of others he could not identify and he had given up trying.

 

There were two large TVs in the room: A larger, flat screen one hanging on the wall across the couch that was under the flags, and an old, tube television that Flynn would often see in rich people’s houses during movies set in the 80s.

 

The older one was closer to a single, but comfortable-looking large chair and a shelf with quite a few video game consoles. Flynn did not understand anything about that shit, but he could tell many were really, really old. And, considering the fact most of them were linked to an adaptor - itself then linked to the television - told him they worked.

 

Maybe he should take a picture of that and send it to Carl.

 

In the middle of the room, there were two tables: A large pool table, and a round one meant to play poker. In fact, Angelo and Clifford seemed to be gambling there - but the game was clearly Blackjack. On one of the corners of the room, an arcade machine with Final Fighter II Turbo stamped across it could be seen, as well as a pinball machine.

 

Richard certainly spoiled his husband.

 

The fat tegu was now approaching Flynn, a smile on his scaly lips. He enveloped the taller, younger lizard into a hug, taking care to not touch him with his right hand holding his cigar, while chuckling - his breath smelling of hard alcohol, beer, and cigar.

 

“Ahahahaha! I’m so happy you finally came! I know, I know, my humble corner is impressive, eh?” He gestured with his free arm around. “Come, get some beer on that black fridge there,” the tegu gestured to a dark, rectangular piece of furniture Flynn had thought was a small closet or wardrobe, “and mingle with the guys. Where’s your boyfriend?”

 

“He’s talkin’ to Richard and should be here soon,” Flynn responded, greeting his coworkers as he made his way to the get the beer. He decided to take a seat close to Eleanor, since it had enough space for TJ.

 

“Elle here told me you guys almost crushed her against the wall, eh?” Luiz said.

 

“To Toby’s defense, it was she that-”

 

“I know, I know, just messin’ with ya,” the tegu lightly tapped the gila’s knee. He then turned a stern gaze at the doe sitting by his side. “Ya better stop that shit. One bad injury and your career’s over, alright?”

 

She took a long gulp of her beer bottle and sighed. “Yeah, Luiz, I know…” she then licked her lips. “Though I _do_ crash cars for a living.”

 

TJ had shown up and looked around the room, before spotting Flynn. He smiled and the gila waved at him and pointed at the spot by his side on the black fake leather couch. The lynx quickly navigated the room and took his seat besides the young lizard, sipping on his punch.

 

“How do ya even crash cars for a living?” Flynn asked, one eye ridge raising in incredulity.

 

Before Eleanor could say something, Luiz spoke: “No, she’s not a crash-test dummy. Just a dummy.” Eleanor briefly glared at him, before looking back at them.

 

“I happen to be a stunt performer.” She smiled and drank more of her beer.

 

“Oh! Like the people who replace actors in dangerous scenes?” TJ asked. The goat nodded.

 

“Yeah! I was in Infinite Wars. Not my best role, but hey, I got paid to pilot a motorcycle while on fire while pretending to fire a gun at a blue block meaning to be one of the villain’s henchmen, so…”

 

“Heh, I have a friend who’s a huge fan of comics and shit,” Flynn said, “he thinks that movie sucks.”

 

Eleanor shrugged. “It did. It’s a job, though I like doin’ the stunts themselves, I couldn’t give a shit about the movies. Of course, there’s always risks and you’re hard-pressed to find someone who absolutely never got hurt on the job.”

 

“Ah…” Flynn and TJ said almost in unison, the lynx nodding slightly. Flynn figured it would explain her scars and, after giving a brief look at TJ, concluded his boyfriend thought the same.

 

“Uhm, pardon me for asking,” TJ started. Now everyone was facing him but, uncharacteristically, he did not seem intimidated, “I know horns keep growing, but why don’t you, uhm…”

 

“Saw the other one and sand the tips so they look normal?” Eleanor grinned, “I mean, I could. But see this scar on my face? I know you guys did. Scars sometimes can net me chicks. Or guys.” She shrugged and finished her beer. “Gonna get more. Will anyone want some?”

 

Flynn raised his bottle to show he still was only halfway through it. “Nah, I’m alright.”

 

“One for me, please,” Luiz said. “By the way, Flynn, do you smoke cigars?”

 

“Nah, I quit.” The gila confessed.

 

“Pity. I’d give ya a Cuban one.”

 

Eleanor came back with the beers and a cigar of her own. She did not use the offered cigar cutter that Luiz had and opted to just use her own dull caprine teeth, before lighting it up.

 

TJ, meanwhile, had leaned against Flynn and the gila smiled down at him. TJ looked up and smiled back. It was interesting to see how he was starting to become way more open and friendly today. Maybe it was because he did not feel threatened by anyone or because he had finally outgrown his past traumas.

 

Or it was just Flynn’s presence. The gila like to think that.

 

The party went on and they were enjoying to chat with Flynn’s colleagues and boss. At some point, by the fourth or fifth time TJ went to get a refill, Richard had came back with him and they were discussing Eleanor’s job. She apparently worked for a professional stunts company in Amsterdam, and was the youngest Maitland sibling, and the least wealthy: Most of her money came from simply owning part of the Maitland Hotel business - but she had long ago turned control of her share over to Richard.

 

Flynn also learned that Richard also had an younger brother; Henry Jr. He was tall like John, but he apparently was overweight, and also had lost his head fur long ago. He wore a blonde toupee to disguise that embarrassing fact and he constantly dyed his fur to look more like John’s and their own father’s, but resulted in some unnatural hue that bordered orange.

 

“Oh? Why didn’t he come?” TJ asked and took a longer gulp of his punch. As the night went on, TJ became more and more open. He had even played pool a little bit with Luiz against Eleanor and Angelo at some point. Richard rubbed his goatee at the question, clearly uncomfortable, but Luiz chuckled.

 

“Back two years ago, we went to a New Year party in the Great Wall Hotel-Casino in New Jersey. It’s owned by Henry Jr. Anyways, he was always Henry Sr.’s ass-kisser - no wonder he’s got the largest share of the inheritance - and he didn’t like me.”

 

“The feeling was mutual,” Richard said.

 

“Anyways, things were going more or less at tolerable levels, when the _puto_ motherfucker decided to make a joke about immigrants. I laughed alongside him, and found it so hilarious I tried to make him eat his toupee.”

 

Richard sighed at the last part, even though Luiz and even Eleanor seemed to find it amusing. The goat waited until the shock ended, to finish the story:

 

“Well, he tried to have Lulu arrested. Now, if there’s something about me, is that I do not like _anyone_ messing with him.” He gave TJ a pointed look that did not escape Flynn, and the gila wondered what it was about. The lynx lowered his ears and it could be because there was some secret between them… or because Teej seemed to be getting sleepy for about one hour and half ago.

 

“Anyway,” the goat continued, “I simply told him that should he do that, the IRS could knock on his door. And… other few things.”

 

“Point is, we don’t see him anymore,” Eleanor finished for him. “Sure, once in a while the idiot has Rich go to Denver and has one of his aides ask him to help solve his mismanagement, but that’s about it. I’m not fond of him either - he always bothered me when I was little.”

 

“What a way to end the year, huh?” Angelo chimed in. Luiz chuckled and addressed the elephant:

 

“Eh, what matters was that we made the next year a good one.”

 

Angelo nodded in agreement and turned back to his game with Clifford.

 

“The funny thing is,” Luiz said after giving it all some thought, “Rich’s done the same threat to his father when he said he’d turn me over to immigration.”

 

“He was always a great man, even when he was in his late-teens; Rich never took shit from anyone,” said Eleanor. Richard smiled and briefly hugged her close, the younger goat closing her eyes and nuzzling back at his chest.

 

Flynn, in the meantime, wondered if that would be how Carl or even TJ could have turned out if they weren’t so insecure.

 

“I see… I hope I wasn’t inconvenient,” TJ seemed really worried about having picked on a wound. Now there was something really off about him, but Flynn couldn’t tell.

 

“Not at all,” Richard smiled politely, “and I’m glad that - given the choice - my other siblings prefer to see us.”

 

“I wouldn’t miss that for the world,” Eleanor said.

 

“And how did you and Luiz become so close?” This time, it was Flynn who was curious.

 

“Why, it happened during an argument between our father and Richard, when he found out Rich had been sleeping with uncle Luiz. Our father, he… he rarely had time for us. And my mother died when I was born - she was too old to safely have children… so I was pretty much alone and he,” she pointed at Luiz with her thumb, “was the only one besides Richard who would take time to play with me.”

 

“Anyways, they were arguing about it and father was saying how it was wrong that it was two men, yada yada, and I was like… four or five? Five, right?” She asked Richard, who nodded, “anyways, I was five and I didn’t understand what was so wrong about that. So I asked my father ‘if they are good for eachother, what’s wrong’? He tried to explain to me about sins and all this shit, but I still couldn’t understand. He eventually retired from the table, worn out.”

 

Richard smiled and stroked Eleanor’s head fur. “I told Lulu about that later and, while he used to just play with her once in a while, after he had became closer to us - by being a bodyguard - he started taking Elle to and from school… most of the time.”

 

Eleanor beamed. “He’d often take me to the arcade! Or the shooting range! Or to the go-karts! He’s also taught me to stand up to bullies! I used to be a chubby tomboy as a kid.”

 

“And now you’re a butch dyke,” Luiz said. Eleanor tossed a seat cushion to his face, but chuckled.

 

“Anyways, the other girls picked on me. He told me to just headbutt them, since our skulls can withstand impact which even oxen’s can’t. It worked! And when more than one person did gang up on me, well… Luiz made sure they’d not do it again by having a nice chat with their parents.”

 

She smiled warmly and Flynn looked at his boss with his mouth agape. Luiz was drinking from his bottle and meeting Flynn’s gaze - the tegu’s expression showing a hint of amusement.

 

“I never broke any of their bones,” the tegu finally said. “Just a little attention-getter.”

 

Flynn remembered the one time he let his guard down during the sparring match and the fat tegu clocked him in the face. He wondered just how hard he could have hit him.

 

“Hey, Flynn?” TJ said, barely above a whisper. The gila turned his attention back to his boyfriend.

 

“What?”

 

TJ leaned closer to whisper. So close that Flynn felt the feline’s whiskers brushing against his scales. “Can we go home? I think… I think I’m ready.”

 

Flynn furrowed his ridges, trying to understand what he meant. Of course, he had a good idea, but that was _Toby_ they were talking about - could be something entirely innocent. That notion was thrown out of the window when the lynx’s fuzzy and soft paw clumsily stroked the gila’s thigh. Well, that was a night full of surprises.

 

“They’ll start with the fireworks in twenty minutes. We’ll leave a bit after,” the gila half-whispered. He briefly looked at his left, where the others sat, but they were busy talking amongst themselves. Angelo and Clifford were back at their game.

 

Only Richard seemed to be staring straight at him. But, upon closer attention, the young lizard realized his boss seemed to be regarding TJ.

 

“I’m… I’m going to get another punch,” the lynx announced and rose to his feet, before nearly falling down again. Both Flynn and Richard were quick to grab him.

 

“Are you alright?” Richard asked. TJ nodded lazily and Flynn realized just what happened.

 

Somehow, through some way, the lynx managed to get drunk.

 

Indeed, TJ emptying up the contents of his stomach over his boss’ expensive white satin shirt proved Flynn’s suspicions. Angelo and Clifford stopped gaming, with the elephant letting out a ‘Woah!’ while Luiz stared at the scene in shock.

 

Eleanor, on the other hand, looked a little nervous. Likely, she did not know what to make of what was going on.

 

Richard, however, just closed his eyes and lips tight, his mouth forming a perfect straight line. The goat took in a deep breath and sighed angrily.

 

“I think it is about time you two went home. Tobias is clearly not well,” the goat said. Flynn nodded and took TJ from Richard’s hold, the lynx immediately turning around while groaning and pulling the gila into a hug, nuzzling at his chest.

 

Flynn was a little too scared to do anything more than hold TJ while Luiz rose to his feet, clearly pissed off. The tegu went to the lynx’s empty punch cup and swirled his long tongue inside, sampling the few droplets of punch that clung to the plastic cup.

 

He smacked his lips. “It’s nearly unnoticeable, but someone spiked it with sweet cider, to make it harder for people to notice.” He now scanned everyone in the room with his eyes. “Whoever did this, you better pray I don’t find out.”

 

Now Richard seemed genuinely worried. “Uh, really, Mr. Moore, I think you two should go. I’ll try to calm him down.”

 

“I will count to three…” Luiz started to say, then he looked back at Flynn over his shoulder. “Happy New Year, you two.”

 

“Sorry about fucking up your party, Luiz.” Flynn offered. The tegu shrugged.

 

“It wasn’t your fault. One…”

 

Flynn left in a hurry while helping TJ. Richard went all the way to the door with them, where he assured the gila he wouldn’t hold it against any of them - and that he would tell him who did it if they found out. Awkwardly, Flynn thanked his boss for his patience and  Richard wished a safe trip home.

 

“Text Lulu when you arrive. I know you’ve been drinking, so if the police stops you, try to contact us and we… we will find a way to help.”

 

“Thanks, boss. Happy New Year, Mr. Maitland"

 

Richard wiped his shirt with a scarf. “Likewise, Flynn. For the two of you.”

 

Had the circumstances been different, Flynn would have felt relief Richard had finally entered the first-name basis while out of work with him. But he had bigger worries on his mind.

 

“Come, Teej… let’s go home. Watch your fucking step.”

 

“Mhm~” The lynx nuzzled at him. Flynn thought idly about the first time he got drunk with another handsome man, a lng time ago. How light-headed and sleepy - yet so great - the gila felt. And also how he basically threw himself at the guy.

 

Which also reminded him: TJ was about to have a hell of hangover.

  
  


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Flynn entered their apartment and quickly placed TJ on the futon. Jenna crossed her arms and looked at him disapprovingly. The lynx had thrown up over himself as well, but only now Flynn realized that.

 

“Listen,” he started to tell Jenna, “I don’t give a shit what you’re thinking about me. Think I didn’t take care of him or got him like that, I don’t give a fuck. I just need ya to turn the shower on and get his pajamas while I help him wash. Then you can judge me all ya want.”

 

The fennec arched her brows in surprise, her ears standing alert, before she sighed. “Alright.”

 

With that, she walked off and Flynn heard the shower being turned on. TJ, meanwhile, had managed to summon the strength to wrap his arms around his neck. He mumbled something that Flynn could not understand, but sounded like a poor attempt to be sultry.

 

“Teej,” Flynn told him, “you’re drunk. Let’s get ya cleaned up, alright?”

 

He wrapped one arm around the lynx, hand accidentally pressing on one of the dirty spots of TJ’s shirt, prompting the gila to let out an exasperated ‘fuck’, before taking them to the bathroom.

 

When they entered, Flynn opened the toilet and removed the lynx’s shirt. His white chest fur was mussed up and the lizard frowned, knowing he would have to do the disgusting task of scrubbing and picking him clean of the debris with his own hands.

 

 _‘The shit we do when in love,’_ he thought to himself as he leaned the lynx over the bowl.

 

“Come on. Let it out.” The gila said. TJ chuckled and briefly turned his head to face him.

 

“Hehe… that’s what she sa-” The lynx then turned back to face the water, before throwing up once more.

 

Flynn cringed to think that his boyfriend seemed fine to have sex with him… now that he was completely hammered.

 

The gila wouldn’t bullshit himself: He wanted it. Even with TJ’s state, and the fact he had barfed right in front of him, he would still do it.

 

And, had it been in the past, with other people whom he would just sleep for one night, then send them to their merry way, he would definitely do it… after they brushed their teeth.

 

But, despite his own member starting to poke out of his slit and straining against his slacks, Flynn wouldn’t do it.

 

TJ would be fine. Flynn had been there before: Guy was not used to booze, so he obviously was a lightweight (especially considering his size). He’d wake up with a massive headache - maybe wake up a few times during the evening to throw up - and they’d have to get him rehydrated, give him some Tylenol and something light but filling to eat.

 

After the lynx was done puking - nothing more than bile coming out - Flynn flushed the toilet and closed the lid, before finishing to undress his boyfriend. He took off his own shirt, but kept his pants on - he didn’t want TJ to see his reaction to the lynx’s naked body, even with the current circumstances.

 

Luiz was right: TJ really _did_ have a nice ass. And his short, stubby tail made it look cute.

 

The gila let the water soak into TJ’s fur, before picking up a scrub brush and the lynx’s shampoo. Washing TJ as the lynx both struggled to stand up, and acted playful at times, was a chore and it had quickly killed any sexual mood the gila had at the moment. Eventually, when the lynx seemed clean of his own mess, the gila got them out of the shower stall - not caring about how the water running off of them was making the bathroom floor wet - and sat the lynx over the toilet bowl.

 

Flynn grabbed the nearest towel he could find, only finding out it was Jenna’s after he already started using it to dry the feline’s head. Whatever, she would understand.

 

The gila felt like it all lasted only a couple of minutes - though the fireworks he could hear meant he had been washing and drying TJ for longer than that. In fact, by the time he managed to help TJ into his pajamas and walked out of the bathroom, most of the town was already asleep.

 

He took his boyfriend to his bedroom and laid TJ over the bed. The lynx asked him to not go, but Flynn planted a kiss on his lips and said he would be back soon.

 

He ignored Jenna asking him something when he went to the kitchen, picking the bucket Jenna had left for him. He put just enough water in it so that the bottom was covered, then dug through the fridge to find a bottle of water. When he closed the door, Jenna was there, looking down at the bucket with only a bit of water in it.

 

“What’s the water for?”

 

“If he’s gonna puke during the night, it’ll prevent it from dryin’ up and making us scrub it.”

 

“You really have experience with that, huh?” The fennec smirked, despite looking tired. Flynn tried, but couldn’t return the smile.

 

“I had my moments.”

 

He then went to the bathroom and looked through the small shelf over the sink until he found the headache pills. Satisfied, he took the items to TJ’s bedroom and placed the bottle and the pills on the nightstand. The bucket was on the floor, close to the bed.

 

He pulled TJ’s computer chair close to the lynx’s bed and took a seat on it. Good thing it was fake leather, or his wet pants would ruin the cushion. He slowly stroked the lynx’s head. TJ smiled at him, his eyes still a bit unfocused, but he was sobering up.

 

“Flynn… think Richard’s going to be mad?”

 

The gila stopped his caress for a moment. Would he? “Nah… I spoke to him. He said it’s cool.”

 

“I hope so…”

 

“Listen, Teej… if you wake up in the middle of the night needing to throw up, there’s this bucket here,” Flynn tapped at it with his foot, prompting the lynx’s ears to twitch and the younger male nodded in acknowledgement.

 

“Thank you… and, Flynn… I’m sorry.”

 

“For what?” _What was he talking about?_

 

TJ licked his lips and avoided meeting the gila’s gaze. “For… for ruining the party… and for being a creep. It’s that… it’s that for one moment… I really felt like we could…” the last part was said barely above a whisper and Flynn almost didn’t catch it, “have our first time together.”

 

The gila continued stroking TJ’s fuzzy head, his hand moving from the top of the lynx’s head to behind the ear, to rubbing his thumb over one of the tufts of fur he had growing on his cheeks. “It’s alright, Teej… I’d rather have ya sober for that anyway.”

 

“Alright.”

 

They fell into silence for a few more moments. Eventually, TJ yawned and Flynn was about to stand up when the lynx grabbed his arm.

 

“Can you stay? Until I fall asleep…”

 

“I… sure, Toby.”

 

He did not have to wait long. After he made sure TJ was fast asleep, he kissed the lynx’s forehead and turned his bed stand lamp off.

 

He then made his exit as silently as he could.

  
  


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Flynn left the bathroom after dutifully mopping the floor and taking a quick shower himself, and now he almost collapsed over the futon with a heavy sigh, wearing his usual sleep outfit: Boxers and a light shirt. Jenna was there in her pajamas, fiddling with her phone. She stopped and smirked at him.

 

“Your boss called. You forgot to text him, but he seemed fine with that when I told him you two were okay. He’s also told me what happened, and I…” the vixen licked her lips, her ears drooping a little, before standing back up, “I’m sorry for thinking you’re the responsible.”

 

Flynn shrugged. He was tired and had a massive headache - he didn’t drink much, so it was likely from stress. “It’s alright, I should’ve kept an eye on him,” he sighed and held his face on his hands. “What a great fucking way start of the year, huh?”

 

Jenna assented with a nod, but then smiled more warmly. “Know… some people believe that a bad start of the year actually means it’ll have a good end.”

 

Flynn knew she did not believe in superstitions like that, and neither did he. Still, he appreciated her attempt to make light of the situation.

 

Still, he felt it was appropriate to follow the example set by his boss. The gila stood up so he could prepare to unfold the futon and rolled his shoulders. “Well, what matters is that we make the next year be a good one.”

 

“Very true,” Jenna nodded. “Good night and Happy New Year, Flynn.”

 

They briefly embraced and, despite being tired, Flynn still did what he had done last Christmas and lifted Jenna, briefly shaking her around into a bearhug, before putting her down. The fennec had her ears splayed out and tried to look angry, despite clearly suppressing a smile.

 

“Happy New Year to you too, Jenna.”

 

She thanked him and retreated to her room while the gila got the futon ready so he could sleep. All the while, he wondered what could change between them now that TJ revealed he (maybe) would have had sex with him that night.

 

Especially since, in the last couple of years, he had learned that TJ often took two steps forward, then one step back, when it came to feelings.

 

Flynn decided that, no matter what happened, he would still respect whatever decision Toby took after today.


	28. Afterparty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> January 1st of 2019. TJ woke up with his first hangover and thinks about the previous night's events. The lynx comes to the realization he still had a lot to learn about both Flynn and himself.
> 
> Meanwhile, the young lynx also has to deal with the one responsible for spiking the punch knocking at their door to apologize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another 'bridge' chapter, because I both need a breather, people's lives are not just a drama after another (even fictional people have dull moments XD), and it'd be too much to skip into the next part of the story.
> 
> As usual, I hope you guys enjoy. :3

**Afterparty**

 

TJ couldn’t really tell if the sounds that he kept making since waking up a few minutes ago were groans or moans. Maybe both? What he knew was that his head hurt.

 

In fact, he recalled waking up in the middle of the night still buzzed and moaned often. He wasn’t in pain then, it was just a weird, unpleasant sensation of being intoxicated that he had never felt before. He probably woke up the others, but had been too buzzed at the time to realize Flynn had left the door open to check on him.

 

Thankfully, he didn’t need to throw up again. Eventually, the lynx reached his furred paws to the mineral water bottle Flynn had left for him - it was obviously room temperature by now - and the pills. He took one of the Tylenol pills and chased it with a long gulp of water. His head hurt in a way he had only felt before when he had been very little, when he had a very bad fever.

 

His room was also thankfully dark. It’s small window was closed and Flynn had made sure to both close the blinds and the curtains. Through his tired eyes and his headache, Tobias still smiled: His boyfriend had thought of everything.

 

He decided to lay back in bed with a sigh and try to think about the previous night. He had often heard about people who drank so much they couldn’t remember, but he found himself remembering things quite well.

 

Sure, there were a few gaps here and there - usually unimportant things - but the young feline facepalmed when remembering that he threw up over Flynn’s boss. And his shirt seemed expensive.

 

The lynx’s ears felt hot with shame, doubly so after he also reminded clumsily making a pass on the gila while grabbing his thigh. Flynn appeared to be playing cool then, but the lynx noticed his bosses’ looks: The ibex goat had a raised eyebrow (TJ now realized Richard had noticed his behavior was strange), while the tegu had a look of both surprise and amusement .

 

More embarrassingly, was that he really _did_ feel horny that day. It was even before he drank. He was in one of those moods that he had when he had not played with himself in a while (which, to be honest with himself, the last time was when showering, after giving his boyfriend a pawjob).

 

And why wouldn’t he? They were both healthy adults and Flynn was still young, attractive, plus they were together now.

 

That and he also had found out the gila could be quite nice… when he wanted to. But it had been different that day: He knew himself enough to know he’d have felt the same if it were someone like Leo or even Chase. Or some nice girl like Sarah. The lynx sighed again with a grimace.

 

He probably weirded Flynn out. Especially after continuing to try and hit on him _after_ throwing up again.

 

TJ now felt tears stinging in the corner of his eyes, but his head hurt too much when he frowned, so he actually managed to hold it back. It was amazing to be in control of his bawling sometimes. The young male wished he did not need to acknowledge the previous day’s events.

 

Now, Tobias was not exactly a procrastinator. Sure, he knew how fragile he was emotionally, and how weak he could be, but he knew he would need to talk about the previous day with Flynn once he woke up. That and apologize to Richard Maitland.

 

With yet another sigh, the lynx turned to his side. He felt anxious about that, so he decided to try something his shrink had advised him to do once: If he did not have any other pressing matters, to try and get some rest. Maybe he would wake up in the right headspace to face a difficult interaction with someone.

 

The last thoughts that went through TJ’s head as sleep started to take him, were how he hoped Flynn did not notice - or didn’t mind - that he peed on his leg while they were in the shower. Even if he had been drunk, TJ genuinely had tried to hold it, but he couldn’t. Yet, Flynn hadn’t demonstrated any notable changes, just scrubbing at his chest.

 

Maybe the warm water flowing over them had duped the gila. Hopefully.

 

TJ’s ears felt on fire again. He briefly asked God to help him in making sure everything turned out well as he finally fell asleep.

  
  


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Tobias drowsily opened his eyes and looked at the alarm clock: 9 AM. He had slept for only two hours or so.

 

His headache was mostly gone now and he felt a little better. TJ slowly slid off of his bed and looked around his room, still not quite awake enough to figure what to do.

 

Eventually, the lynx picked the bucket and the empty bottle. He tossed the empty bottle into the small trash bin he had in his room and felt a hint of pride when it fell in perfectly. TJ then picked some casual clothes: khakis and a red shirt - his usual - and left his room.

 

Flynn was awake and, apparently, busy texting to someone. The gila did not hear TJ’s padded feetpaws approaching and the lynx only got acknowledged once he went to the kitchen - now on Flynn’s peripheral vision. The gila looked up at him and smirked.

 

“Hey. How are ya feeling?”

 

“Head still hurts a little bit, but it’s nothing I can’t handle, thank you.” TJ smiled in return, then emptied the water from the bucket into the sink. He was glad he hadn’t puked during the night.

 

“There’s an apple and a pear on the table. Help yourself, Teej,” Flynn spoke. TJ nodded and approached the fruits, picking the pear and sitting besides Flynn on the couch. He kissed the gila on the cheek and Flynn let out a short chuckle.

 

“Talkin’ to Richard, by the way.” TJ’s ears immediately drooped.

 

“Oh, uhm, what did he say? About, you know…”

 

“He said it’s okay,” Flynn said. “It’s the fault of who spiked the punch.”

 

“Oh, I see. I’m glad…” TJ’s ears started to perk up, but were still slightly droopy, the feline still feeling a little apprehensive. “And… who spiked it?”

 

“Eleanor. She didn’t know you never drank and, by the time she found out, it was too late. Richard pulled her ear for it and she’s coming here to apologize.” Flynn sighed and rubbed the bridge of his muzzle. “I told him that wasn’t necessary, but she insisted.”

 

“I see…” TJ said with a hint of apprehension, his ears pinned back briefly, before standing back straight. “When will she come?”

 

Flynn looked down at his phone and seemed to struggle a bit to scroll the messages back to where the relevant portion was. “She’ll be coming in one hour.”

 

“Alright.”

 

The lynx sighed and leaned against the backrest of the futon. He didn’t really want to meet her. It wasn’t that he disliked her - despite the horrible things he went through thanks to her little prank. TJ just did not want to think about it now that it was over.

 

With that thought, TJ rubbed his forearm, reminding himself that this was really his standard response to most conflicts: Avoidance.

 

“I’m going to take a shower… and brush my teeth,” the lynx announced as he got up. Flynn looked up at him.

 

“Tell me if ya need help to wash your back.” The gila smirked. TJ felt his ears flushing, but giggled and shook his head in return.

 

“No, but thank you anyway.”

 

With that, he moved to the bathroom, listening to Flynn chuckling and turning the TV on, switching to some channel talking about fishing. TJ really needed to brush his teeth: His mouth still had the bitter aftertaste of puke.

 

After he had been finished with brushing his teeth and using the bathroom, the lynx entered the shower stall and turned it on. As soon as the water hit him, he picked his shampoo and started lathering his soft fur.

 

He made sure to wash himself thoroughly again. Sure, he wasn’t in the mood to try and ‘fool around’ with Flynn anymore. It obviously wasn’t that he lacked any libido (the last few years had proved to be the opposite), but it was hard to get aroused thinking that, the first time the gila saw him naked, was after he had puked all over himself.

 

Still, the lynx had learned from Richard it was always best to always keep his body thoroughly clean for any ‘possibility.’ TJ was rather not risking it.

 

Even if once, during one of their hangouts with Carl, the ram had said that Flynn might ‘not mind an accident one bit.’ That statement not only worried the lynx, but also made the lizard hold the ram’s VR headset hostage for a while.

 

It wasn’t that TJ didn’t want to have sex with anyone before. He had his fantasies here and there. But he felt anxious once the moment seemed close. And, while he acknowledged it wasn’t Chase’s attempt to come on to him that made him anxious about it, he knew that it just made it get worse. He needed to really trust someone for that.

 

 _“Then again,”_ he thought, _“Flynn could’ve done it yesterday.”_

 

The gila was still a bit of an enigma to him. From what he knew, Flynn would have jumped on the chance right away. At least, is what he’d have expected. Yet, even though the lizard clearly had a tent in his pants when showering him the previous night (as TJ cringed to remember making a remark on that while trying to sound bold and sultry), all the gila did was clean him, dress him up and send him to bed.

 

Maybe he was much more ethical about that than he had given him credit for? Both his bosses were deviants (it felt weird to use that word, they weren’t bad people), but seemed to treat it all, well, as ethically as possible.

 

The lynx started rinsing himself off the soap. While rinsing off the soap underneath his tail, he licked his lips nervously and rubbed his pink tailhole with his index finger. He clenched when he prodded at his own entrance and it hurt a little to push it in.

 

After a few seconds, he withdrew it (finding odd how it seemed to hurt a bit more to take it off than put it in), and finished his shower.

 

 _“One thing’s for sure: I’ll definitely ask to be the one ‘topping’ if and when time comes. I’m not ready to be the one receiving.”_ TJ thought with a nod.

  
  


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The lynx left the bathroom feeling a little better. He noticed that Flynn did not appear to be willing to go out - or dress up for guests - that day, judging by the lizard’s sweatpants-and-tank top he used when staying home.

 

Besides, it was clear from when he met Eleanor that she wasn’t one for formalities.

 

He took his seat by Flynn’s side and smiled to the gila. The lizard smile back at him and the feline felt his thick, muscular tail gently wrapping around his body, pulling him closer. TJ chuckled a little and allowed Flynn to do it.

 

The gila seemed interested in the hunting program that was on TV. TJ’s ears twitched. He had never been fond of that - he didn’t like the idea of killing other things. Especially for amusement.

 

“Thanks for yesterday, by the way,” TJ finally told the lizard. Flynn turned his attention at him, his brows furrowed.

 

“Huh? Oh! Don’t sweat it, Teej. I’d be a shit boyfriend if I didn’t help ya.”

 

“But still, thanks anyway.” He flashed a smile at Flynn, who returned it with a discrete one of his own. Tobias started to enjoy how he reacted to his smiles.

 

Soon, someone knocked at their door. Flynn got up and looked through the peephole. “It’s Carl.”

 

The gila unlocked it and opened the door. The ram immediately glomped him. “Happy New Year, dude!”

 

Flynn blinked, then patted his friend on the back. “Happy New Year to you too.”

 

Carl then let go and moved towards TJ, pulling him into a brief hug. The lynx and him exchanged their wishes of Happy New Year, and the ram pulled a chair from the table and sat on it as Flynn returned to the futon.

 

“Where’s Jenna?”

 

“In her room, studying,” Flynn said.

 

“You can go talk to her, if you want. She doesn’t mind.” TJ offered and Carl nodded. The ram wore his usual hoodie and beanie, but this time wore some baggy cargo pants - likely due winter. There was a small wet spot of sweat beneath his neck and the ram was panting.

 

“Didja come running or some shit?” Flynn asked with an amused smirk. Carl shook his head.

 

“When I paid the cabbie, I dropped two hundred bucks and the wind blew them away. Had to chase them down for two blocks before they ended stuck in a puddle. Lemme just catch my breath before I go see Jenna.”

 

There was also a faint smell of weed wafting from Carl and his eyes were bloodshot.

 

“I thought you would travel to spend the New Year with your parents,” TJ said, trying to gauge if he had been smoking due to his anxiety.

 

“Nah, they’d spend it in Echo now. I don’t wanna go back to that place. So I already slept in my new apartment yesterday. I dropped by earlier, but you two were away to some party, so I just hung out with Jenna.”

 

“Ah, I see. Yeah, we were at Luiz and Richard’s place.” TJ confirmed. He felt a little bad now, knowing Carl likely spent the later part of his New Year by himself.

 

Maybe he and Flynn should hang out with him soon. Maybe help him move from his dorm, since the bed in his new apartment was the one that came with it. He would ask with Flynn about it later.

 

“Hey, Carl, check this out. I tried sending this to ya, but couldn’t get this fucking thing to do it.” Flynn motioned to his phone and showed the ram something.

 

Carl looked down at whatever image Flynn was showing him and his face lit. 

 

“Woah. Your boss has the GeoNeo? Think he’d lemme borrow it so I can make a retro video? I need to vary my stuff, my channel is losing views and vtube is making tougher to get money from our videos.”

 

He picked Flynn’s phone and scrolled through more pictures. Eventually, he handed the phone back.

 

“That old lizard has enough stuff for a year’s worth of videos,” Carl grinned. “I hope we can talk to him later.”

 

Flynn pocketed his phone and shrugged. “Just drop by the mall when we’re at work and ask him. I ain’t going to do your shit for ya.”

 

“Alright, alright.” The ram got up to his hooves. “Well, gonna see Jenna now. I’ll be back.”

 

With that, he moved around the futon and made his way to the fennec’s bedroom. TJ looked and saw him knocking at the door in the end of the corridor, before moving in. He also could hear their muffled voices talking. Tobias did not want to pry, but with his ears, he could hear them talking about Carl’s upcoming graduation in detail.

 

It did not take long for the doorbell to ring again. And again. And all of it simultaneously with someone knocking at the door.

 

Flynn sighed and got up. “Quit it, will ya?” He looked at the peephole and groaned. “It’s Eleanor.”

 

He then opened the door and Eleanor stood there, looking oddly sheepish. A far-cry from the jovially confident woman they had met the previous day.

 

“May I come in?”

 

Before TJ could answer, Flynn replied: “No. Stay there and freeze your ass off. Get in already!”

 

The goat doe excused herself and walked in, finding herself face-to-face with TJ. The lynx did not really feel bad facing her. Yeah, she had gotten him drunk, but she certainly looked genuinely sorry.

 

Besides, it allowed him to know another side of Flynn.

 

“Uhm, I’m not good with this, but uncle Luiz and my bro said I should just apologize, so, uhm, yeah, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you didn’t drink and, uhm, well, it was just supposed to be a childish prank in a way…”

 

“Damn right it’s childish.” Said Flynn, crossing his arms.

 

TJ briefly pinned his ears back and looked from Eleanor to Flynn, then back at the caprine again. “It’s… alright, Eleanor. No hard feelings.”

 

“Really?” Eleanor seemed to perk up.

 

“Yeah, it’s alright.” TJ tried to put that out of the way as fast as he could.

 

“Oh, thank you!” The goat quickly enveloped him into a hug, almost lifting him from the couch, before letting go. “I thought this would be more difficult. I even thought about offering ya my ‘death proof’ ‘68 Pontiac Tempest.”

 

“Wait, what the fuck?” Flynn took a seat by TJ’s side and stared at the goat in confusion. “How’s your car ‘death proof’ and why’d you find it necessary to say that it is?”

 

“Ah, yeah, you’re not in the industry,” she chuckled and leaned over the television, supporting her weight on her elbow. “Y’see, I modified it so I can train my stunts or teach others. It has shatterproof glass, rollcage, modified bodywork and engines, five-point seat belts, the works. Doesn’t have backseats, tho.”

 

“Uhm, thanks for the thoughtful idea, but we wouldn’t have use for it.” TJ smiled as he decided to be diplomatic.

 

“Pity. That thing’s fast…” she went silent for a moment, before perking up again. “Oh, yeah! What if I took you guys for a ride on it? I could show ya how we survive having a car thrown upwards at fifty miles per hour, then rolling on the ground! It’s fun!”

 

“No. Thank you.” TJ was a little more firm this time. While it was clear Eleanor was an adrenaline junkie, he did not share her enthusiasm for such stunts. One look at Flynn shaking his head in answer to her proposal told him that the lizard was the same.

 

“Oh, well… my daredevil days are over. It’s real safe - I learned from my mistakes.” She grinned, making the messy scar across the right side of her muzzle - going through both lips - more visible.

 

“Or I could teach you guys how to set yourself on fire and not burn.”

 

“No. Thanks.” Flynn retorted. The goat shrugged.

 

“Pity. It’s a nice party trick. Got me laid once. Though I’m sure ya two don’t need that for each other, eh? Hehe.”

 

That moment, Carl walked back and froze upon the sight of the heavily scarred, muscular ibex doe in the living room. She raised her equally scarred right eyebrow at him and grinned.

 

“‘Sup.”

 

Flynn grunted. “Carl, this is Eleanor. She’s Richard Maitland’s sister.”

 

Carl walked to her and they shook paws. TJ decided to pipe in:

 

“She’s a stuntwoman! She has also been in Infinite Wars.”

 

“Really?” Carl asked. Eleanor nodded.

 

“Not my best bit, but got paid to ride on a motorcycle while on fire.”

 

“Hahaha, that was you?” They took a seat by the kitchen table, “I wonder how they managed to hide your horns.”

 

“Painting ‘em bright green and using CGI magic later.”

 

They then started talking about the movies she had been in. Turns out a huge nerd like Carl knew quite a few.

 

TJ looked at Flynn and the gila and him chuckled at that. At least, Carl being there had distracted Eleanor from making things more awkward.

 

The hours flew by and, eventually, Jenna had shown up and briefly talked to their guest as well. In a way, Eleanor was nice to have smalltalk with.

 

They got to learn how she managed to have that ugly scar on the right side of her muzzle and on her right eyebrow: Apparently, a stunt during the beginning of her career went wrong and the car she was driving flipped before the right time, and she slammed her face hard on the steering wheel. She also lifted her paws and brushed some of the coat of fur on her fingers aside to show some scars.

 

“My upper lip flapped open and I flayed the skin of both index and my right middle finger like a banana on the metal of the steering wheel when I tried to stabilize the car. Couldn’t close these two fingers for a while. When I slammed my face on the wheel for the second time, I hit the forehead, so it didn’t hurt much.”

 

“It’s amazing that you went back to that line of work afterwards. How long did it take for you to recover movement in your fingers?” TJ asked, now in his area of expertise.

 

“I never recovered full movement on the left index or close my right middle finger hard. Or raise it straight, for that matter. So every day I do like the doctor instructed me and stretch a little. After he authorized me, I also got this stress ball to practice my grip.”

 

“Good, good.”

 

“Yeah. What really put an end to my career as a daredevil - and nearly everything else - was when I broke my neck. It didn’t damage the spinal cord proper. I was very, very lucky that time. But I ended up moving like a rusty 50s robot for a long while. I gained these,” she flexed her arms, “because I had to exercise for the physiotherapy, so, I was like ‘know what? If I’m gonna work out, might as well go all the way.’”

 

“I’m glad everything turned out alright,” TJ said. The doe nodded in agreement.

 

They spoke about other subjects - generally movies - for a short while. Then the realized would soon be time for dinner. Eleanor was about to leave, but TJ said it would be rude to send her away on an empty stomach.

 

Flynn opened the cupboards and the fridge and frowned. They had forgotten to do groceries and had nothing he could cook for their guests.

 

“Fuck. We need to go get some food, guys,” he announced, “I hope ya like Chinese.”

 

“No problem,” said Eleanor.

 

TJ knew Flynn could have just called, but decided to remain silent. Likely, the gila wanted to go out.

 

“Can I go with you?” He offered.

 

Flynn answered right away: “Sure. Lemme get changed and I’ll get the truck.”

 

TJ excused himself and rushed to his bedroom. The lynx made sure to pick his wallet and keys in case he needed either.

 

He moved to the living room to find Flynn standing there with a jacket and denim pants, holding his own keys.

 

“We’ll be back soon,” the gila said and they moved out of the door. TJ tried to not smile when he felt the lizard’s tail curling around him.

 

“She’s nice,” TJ eventually said as Flynn started his truck and began driving.

 

“Who, Eleanor?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Hm. I’m still not happy about the shit she pulled on ya.”

 

TJ sighed. In a way, he appreciated how Flynn cared enough for him that he would hold a grudge over that. He could make a joke about the good side of that, but that would feel a little too forced. Furthermore, TJ was not happy with what had happened either, despite the positive outcome of realizing Flynn was trustworthy.

 

So, he just shrugged. “She won’t do it again, that’s for sure. Besides, she’s not the one living with us anyway. Why hold a grudge of someone you’ll rarely get to see?”

 

Flynn grunted and nodded. “Hm, true.”

 

Smiling with satisfaction for defusing the situation, TJ leaned back on the truck’s seat and tried to not stare at Flynn’s thighs, highlighted by his skinny jeans.

 

As much as he acknowledged desire was natural, he still felt shy like a kid in Sex Ed class.

 

That reminded Tobias that he should think on how to convince himself to muster the courage to ask Flynn about it, once the mood struck again.

  
  


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Carl hummed as he moderated the comments in his videos. The living room was silent since Flynn and TJ left. Jenna eventually excused herself and went back to her books.

 

Apparently, her former colleague had managed to set up a job interview for her, at the Pueblo Mental Health Institute as she wanted. Jenna decided to study more in case technical questions were asked.

 

“So…” Eleanor said. The ram looked up from his phone.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Two questions for ya: Are ya single? And have you ever driven a car over fifty miles per hour on a ramp, had it roll and land on its wheels?”

  
Carl put his phone down and looked at the goat with bright green headfur with an expression of surprise. He definitely wasn’t used to women (outside of his comment section and private messages on vtube) being so... _open_ at him.


	29. A New Experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spending the first two weeks of 2019 testing water with each other, Flynn and TJ decide to do something they hadn't done before.

**A New Experience**

 

“Hey Luiz,” Flynn was reluctant to ask him about it, but there was no other way. He definitely wasn’t going to talk to Carl or Jenna about it.

 

“Speak,” said Luiz as he filled his plate from the salad menu. One thing could be said was that the tegu didn’t eat just unhealthy foods - he clearly consumed everything equally. If anything, he was obese due to just how much he ate.

 

“I think ya noticed that Teej’s been… well, he clearly wanted to fuck at the party last week, right?”

 

“I think it was hard to _not_ notice, Flynn. Aw, they have no tabouleh…”

 

They moved to the cooked vegetables and warm foods. “So… I won’t bullshit ya, I really wanted to do it, but…”

 

“But he was drunk, yeah. Gotta say, I’m proud of ya. Do you see the green beans anywhere?”

 

Flynn sighed. “No.” And, even if he did, he’d certainly lie in order to not spend the day in the closed CCTV room with his boss after he ate beans. “What I mean is… can you listen to me for a fucking second?”

 

Usually, the gila wouldn’t get so frustrated, but it had been a few days his boss had started training the new guys. And, to be completely honest, he started to see him in about the same light as his uncle - minus the bad side: He really could use the advice. _‘Fuck, I have issues,’_ Flynn thought to himself.

 

The tegu turned around with one raised scaly brow. “Alright, I’m listenin’.” Some other patrons of the buffet they were in started complaining about him holding the line, but Flynn did not give a damn and they seemed reluctant to bother two people taller than most of them.

 

“As I was saying, I’d like to fuck Teej, but I haven’t got a fuckin’ clue about how to ask him. And, I don’t wanna get somethin’ wrong and fuck it up by making a move and scaring him.”

 

“I see. Well, listen, let’s finish gettin’ lunch, then we talk over it, alright? I’m not fond of those fuckers yapping behind us.”

 

To Flynn, the next two minutes felt like an eternity, before they finally sat down on the single unoccupied table at the far corner of the buffet.

 

“So,” his boss started after taking two forkfuls of chicken salad, “I think that your issue’s pretty simple: You don’t wanna risk ruinin’ what you have. Now… if I were in your place, I’d try to just straight-up talk to him about it. Preferably if you guys are making out alone sometime and you see him gettin’ hard or something like that. There’s no secret, really. I mean, how’d ya get to fuck so many guys before?”

 

Flynn shrugged. He wasn’t hungry and just stared at his salad and fried fish. “I wasn’t afraid to lose, I guess… but that was just that. Toby’s different.”

 

The tegu sighed. “Flynn, look… the _lince_ ’s pretty much into ya already. He might not be in the right mind for it sometimes, but the way he behaved when drunk - know, with no inhibitions - shows me he’s already considering the idea. Does he remember what he did while drunk?”

 

“I think so. But he’s been sending mixed signals… as in every time I tried to approach him, or even once when I tried cuddling, he’d get stiff as a fucking board and not return it.” Luiz’s amused smirk made Flynn decide to clarify: “I mean _he_ gets stiff, not his dick.”

 

“See? Try to gently talk about it all sometime. You don’t have a crystal ball, and you’re certainly not a mind-reader, so you need to ask him about it. There’s no secret, really… are ya gonna eat? If you don’t, you’re gonna be bitching for the rest of the afternoon.”

 

The gila groaned and took two forkfuls of his food, chewing and swallowing. “There, happy?”

 

Luiz shrugged and Flynn decided to think about the other things he had been discovering from his relationship.

 

Now, he had never been one for sappy romance and all that shit, but he did find himself often wanting to tell TJ how he… liked him.

 

He groaned and absent-mindedly took a few more bites of his food. If things hadn’t been ugly between him and Leo, he would text him asking for advice on the matter. It wasn’t that he did not believe his boss, but that he knew Leo wouldn’t joke about it and he was the sappy type of guy. Luiz, on the other hand, was always a little aloof, from what he could tell.

 

At least, in matters involving feelings.

 

Then again, the tegu had surprised him before. Their outing to the Sweatshop and his advice both then and during most of the past two years came to mind.

 

Flynn’s focus returned to the older lizard in front of him and he realized that Luiz had eaten half of what he had on his plate already.

 

“Know, it’s good you got a salad, otherwise your food would be cold by now,” Luiz quipped.

 

The gila sighed in annoyance and took two more forkfuls. “There! There! I’m eating!”

 

“Shit, Flynn, calm down!” The tegu grinned. “I know you have somethin’ eating ya. Out with it, already!”

 

Flynn took a deep breath and exhaled. He really wished he had a toothpick, but saw none on their table. “I told ya: I wanna fuck Toby _and_ I wanna tell him how much I like him. I wanna do it in a way I’ve never done with anyone before and let him know it. But I dunno how to do it without soundin’ like a fuckin' retard. Are ya happy now?”

 

Luiz pursed his lips in thought. The fat lizard leaned back on his chair - it creaked a little in protest - and seemed to take it very seriously.

 

Eventually, his boss took a deep breath and looked back at Flynn, his expression serious. When he spoke, his voice was still deep, but not loud and boisterous as usual. And he had dropped his accent as well:

 

“I’ll tell ya this: Never, ever, delay tellin’ someone that you like or love or appreciate ‘em. Never delay an apology either. Y’see… people are taken from us much, much faster than we’d like. You know that all too well. So, it’s always good to let ‘em know how much you appreciate ‘em or ask for forgiveness when you hurt ‘em when you can - for it may be the last time you see ‘em.”

 

The younger lizard’s thoughts immediately drifted back to Sydney. How quickly he was taken from him. How his friendship with Chase ended, how the same nearly happened with TJ. Flynn also thought of how he had nearly died. And all the other fights he had with people that, deep down, he saw as his friends.

 

He knew that, had he done things differently, maybe they would still be friends. It was a horrible feeling, knowing that his search for ‘closure’ nearly destroyed him and ruined the old gang’s entire relationship with each other. Of course, it was Chase that killed Syd and then tried to kill him. He started the situation, but the rest landed squarely on Flynn’s shoulders - and the gila knew it.

 

Another thought that came to the gila’s mind was about how Luiz and his father had ended up. He knew his boss’ old man tried to apologize for all the shit he had put him through… only it was about two decades and half too late, and on his deathbed. The last things he heard from his estranged son were ‘Go to hell’. Flynn now thought about his own father. Brett wasn’t as big asshole as Luiz’s old man, but he still held little love for him.

 

Come to think of it, the younger lizard realized he did not have much affection for his family in general. If anything, Carl felt more like family to him.

 

The gila took some bites of his meal, but he wasn’t hungry anymore as he thought about all of that. He looked up at his boss and, upon seeing his sad eyes combined with his ‘let’s pretend nothing’s wrong’ smirk, Flynn realized the tegu knew what he had been thinking.

 

Then the older lizard raised one scaly eyeridge and pointed at Flynn’s plate.

 

“Now you’ve done it. You ate too much to request ‘em to put the rest in the foil thingy for later.” The tegu gestured as if placing something inside a container.

 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Luiz, if I want to, I can - who’s gonna stop me? The fuckin’ lunch police’s gonna show up and arrest me? Since when did the fuckin’ Buffet Queen get that kind of power?”

 

“No, but they’ll say that you’re either cheap or starvin’, to take so little food home for later.” The tegu retorted. His plate was empty.

 

“Fuck you, Luiz,” was the only thing Flynn could say as he hurriedly finished his meal. Still, he tried to hold back the desire to smirk.

 

He was starting to realize his boss pulled these comments to keep their minds off depressing or sad subjects. In the past, Flynn would get easily annoyed by that. But that was before he had realized that he had pushed those who cared for him away. 

 

Now, while the attempt to make him feel better didn’t work for long, the gesture was appreciated.

 

They finished and paid their bills before going upstairs to clock back in. Once there, Flynn made sure to thank his boss for his advice when they were going to the CCTV room.

 

“See? Learnin’ how to show appreciation already! I’m proud of ya, kid,” the tegu said in a mock-crying tone, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye.

 

CCTV duty always made Flynn’s neck hurt like hell. The chairs weren’t made for people his size, the monitors were too low on their table (even Luiz - who was slightly shorter than Leo - seemed to hunch over to be at eye level with them), and the job itself was boring when his boss and him were not riffing about the stupidity they saw through the cameras.

 

And, considering the memo Flynn read while in the staff room, it would be a long month: Luiz was going to take a break of four weeks from work. Which the tegu had confirmed later that day to be true. Fucking perfect.

 

Still… he could have a good month: He had convinced TJ to go fishing with him (after a lot of work), and he could even give a try on Luiz’s advice about being more open about his more positive feelings to those he loved.

 

 _‘Those he liked very much,’_ the gila corrected himself.

  
  


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TJ sighed as he sat on the wooden bench in the parking lot right outside of the Parkview Medical Center. It was a cool day, but his coat was more than enough to keep him warm - though it was funny to see the odd looks people would give to him, when seeing him in his white-blue work uniform only.

 

The lynx had already finished his lunch and Richard was about to show up soon. It almost became routine by now: He’d have lunch, go outside to chill, text Richard for advice or just to chat with a fellow church-goer with a similar mindset, and the goat would show up in fifteen minutes for a quick talk.

 

It was refreshing, if he had to be honest. While he knew his therapist would help him with everything, Carla still kept him at an arm’s length. He knew it wouldn’t be ethical of hers to get personally involved in his life, so that was necessary.

 

But that meant she wasn’t really much help when, after figuring they could lower his dose of Sertraline, to tell him how exactly handle his recently-normalized libido. If things were sometimes nearly intolerable with the antidepressants’ side-effect, now things were getting too much for him.

 

The lynx felt ashamed. Sometimes, his thoughts would drift back to that day, after he gave Flynn a pawjob and saw him undress. He wasn’t sure if the gila had dropped his pants in a way that exposed his, frankly, _ginormous_ ass to him on purpose, or if it had been a happy accident. But the young feline couldn’t get the image off his mind.

 

It would be especially awkward when he was helping administer physiotherapy - and he’d struggle to focus on his job and not pop a boner in front of some middle-aged, morbidly obese walrus with arthritis. That would be hard to explain.

 

He wondered if going all the way with someone he trusted enough for that - Flynn, in that case - would solve the issue. Or, at least, keep it manageable. He did not know, hence why he had texted Richard that day, asking him to show up. That and a few other things. The goat was kind enough to not ask what was the subject he needed help with, preferring to do that kind of thing face-to-face.

 

Soon enough, Richard’s S-Type pulled into the parking lot and the goat hopped out of it. He wore his usual work outfit of dark gray pants, white shirt, and red tie. Only, this time, he threw a rather expensive-looking jacket over the getup, likely due the lingering winter cold.

 

He waved at TJ and made his way to the bench, then sat down by the lynx’s side.

 

“Sorry for the delay, darling. Got stuck in traffic.”

 

“No problem,” TJ smiled and nodded in understanding, “Richard, uhm, I called you here because… oh, gosh, how do I say it…” TJ buried his face in his large paws, his ears burning hot.

 

“If that’s because of the shirt, I told you to not worry, darling!” The goat gently patted the lynx’s back. “It was just an eight hundred dollars satin shirt! I have about five others just like that one!”

 

TJ slowly looked up at Richard, mouth agape. “Uhm… know, now that you have told me their price tag, I actually feel worse. And… that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

 

“Oh… well, uhm,” the ibex goat cleared his throat. It was rare for him to make things more awkward and that was a situation he was not usually prepared to play it off. “I mean… if that’s not it, what’s on your mind?”

 

The lynx sighed. “You see… since October, my therapist lowered the amount of meds I take. It kinda… well… it increasedmylibido.” TJ spoke the last part fast and barely above a whisper.

 

He looked away, his ears droopy and rubbed his arm. TJ expected Richard to burst laughing at any second.

 

“Well,” the ibex said after what felt like a long moment of silence, “first and foremost: Congratulations! Means that you’re improving. And, second… are you talking about this because of how you behaved at the party with Flynn?”

 

TJ looked down at his fluffy paws. “Yes.”

 

“Ah,” Richard rubbed his paws and crossed his arms, likely because of the cold.

 

“You see… after what I told you about Echo… I had trust issues. Both in myself and others. I mean… I was thinking very carefully about what happened between me and Chase then and I realized that I kinda… sent some mixed signals to Chase, I guess?”

 

“It’s still his fault if he decided to push it.” The goat promptly retorted. TJ did not contest it.

 

“Yeah, I know. That’s not the issue… my problem is… I’m a little afraid I weirded Flynn out after, well, we got home and I threw up again… and kept hitting on him despite him washing the crud off my chest…” He buried his face on his paws again, trying to fight the intense feeling of shame that washed over him. “He… he’s been behaving a little odd lately. He sometimes tries to hug or cuddle, but if I try to start something, he seems a little… reluctant?”

 

“Go on,” the goat said.

 

“Well, he could’ve… done it, since I was drunk. And… and aroused. But he refused to. I mean, that’s a good thing: It means I can trust him, right?” TJ asked with a hint of hope in his voice.

 

“Definitely.” Richard sighed. “If I have to be honest, I… might not have had that restraint in my youth. It is one of my regrets.”

 

“Yeah, well… but it’s like that, now I trust him enough that I’m willing to try and… well, put him in the mood, neither of us know what to do! I mean, he won’t make a move and I’m too nervous to do something… I mean… gosh, I have no idea how to start!”

 

“Alright,” Richard adjusted his glasses on his muzzle. “Alright, listen… there was a time me and Luiz weren’t feeling it. Well, I kept trying to discreetly tease him, but no dice. It was after the time he was… let go of the police. He was so upset, that he didn’t feel like fooling around, he had barely enough energy to attend to the security business he had opened. I think something made Mr. Moore’s libido take a nosedive.”

 

“Oh.” TJ said, ears lowering. “I see…”

 

The older male leaned back against the bench’s rest and sighed. “So, you can bring it back to life! If that’s what you want. In my case, decided I’d have to take a more… paws-on approach.”

 

Richard’s choice of words threw the lynx’s mind back to when he had taken a _‘paws-on approach’_ to Flynn’s problem. The lynx blushed.

 

“So… what did you do?” TJ brought himself to ask.

 

The goat opened a fond smile and there was a hint of blush on his face. “Well? I put on a bitchsuit I know he likes and waited for him in his room after a long day of work, one day before his day off.” Tobias now looked at Richard with surprise, his eyes wide open and the lynx leaned slightly away from the goat.

 

“And do you want to know what happened?” Richard chuckled. “Nothing. Then, I decided to take a more subtle approach. I acted a little hurt, but, like, that I wanted to make up for bothering him. We had dinner, he reclined back on his couch like he usually does after eating, so I sat by his side and just… started to rub his belly a little. And his shoulders and neck. And, well, pretty much all of him, really. To be honest, I didn’t think it’d go anywhere but, soon enough, his body started reacting. Until I asked him if he was willing to take it to the bedroom and he accepted it.”

 

“Oh, I see.” 

 

The young lynx was now impressed. So, the secret was to sort of give up? That seemed way too easy to be true.

 

“You never know when mood strikes. Sometimes - rare as it is - I’m not in the mood either, darling. And that’s okay, we should respect that. But when we’re _both_ into it… heh… then you know how it is.”

 

Richard removed his glasses and cleaned them on his tie, before putting them back on. “Well, on second thought… not really, since… you know… but it appears you want to address that. You do appear to have ‘it’ when it comes to attracting cute guys without knowing. Might be your boyish face. Which actually reminds me: If you try to be sultry like in a porno, you’ll end up dorky. Be yourself - you manage to be cute _and_ attractive. Most people don’t have either! Try to find a way of yours to show him you mean business, if you know what I mean...” The goat grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.

 

“I see…” the lynx nodded slowly, thinking over what Richard told him. He had one last question - one inspired by something he heard from Jenna - who heard from Carl;

 

“I’ve heard that Flynn’s into some… some unusual things. Know, the kind I don’t like? What do I do?”

 

The goat chuckled. “Darling, that’s easy: From what I could see at the party, he won’t force anything on you. Just talk to him about your limits, ask him about his. Always remember the SSC: Safe, Sane and Consensual. If you two talk about your likes and dislikes, trust me, then all will be well in the bedroom… or wherever you guys decide to do it. I won’t judge.” The ibex goat chuckled.

 

TJ was about to answer when the goat’s phone beeped. It was an alarm. Richard removed it and frowned.

 

“Aw, poop, I have to go back to work. If you need more help, just text me, Tobias! I’ll be seeing you around.” The goat briefly patted TJ’s shoulder and jogged to his car.

 

“Bye, Richard!” The lynx waved as the car pulled off.

 

As Tobias walked back to the building to clock back in after his lunch break, his thoughts drifted to the current issue: Flynn’s newfound shyness to be around him, and mixed signals.

 

At the thought of mixed signals, TJ remembered how he had interacted with Chase. Yes, he had told his butt(hole?) was cute… and had done a massage on him.

 

But massaging was part of his job, in a way. When he researched about sex on the internet, most results were divided on whether massaging was inherently erotic or not (except prostatic massages - something he still blushed to imagine himself performing).

 

It felt odd thinking about Chase’s reaction to being massaged back in Echo. In hindsight, he should have known the otter would take it more seriously than he should have. But TJ also knew he was naive about that.

 

 _‘I still am,_ ’ he thought.

 

It all felt like another lifetime now.

 

As TJ clocked in, one idea flashed through his mind, however. He wanted to kick himself for not thinking of it before, considering his own trade.

 

The lynx blushed and giggled at the thought. He felt like a young teenager hitting puberty again. He and Flynn would have next Sunday off. It would be perfect - presuming both are in the mood by then.

  
  


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_“(...) And that’s gonna be it for this episode. This is the Ice Cream Man and his guest Eleanor Maitland signing out. Stay chilly, guys!”_

 

Flynn blinked as the video ended and looked at Carl’s expectant face. The video was another of his podcasts, posted two days before Luiz went on vacation, but he could only watch it that Saturday, because Carl insisted he saw it. What made it different, however, was the fact that this one was called _‘I Play Crash Simulator With A Real Life Stuntwoman.’_

 

“So, what’d you think?” Carl asked.

 

The gila scoffed. “Well, she’s as good as you at this whole ‘makin’ asses of yourselves in front of a camera while playing games’ shit. Where’s she now?”

 

Carl’s smile dwindled, but did not disappear. “She’s at your bosses’ place and should leave tomorrow for Amsterdam.”

 

“Hm, I see.” Flynn crossed his arms, but smirked down as his friend. “Did she show ya a good time?”

 

The ram seemed to blush slightly, but simultaneously grinned with pride. “Why? Jealous?”

 

“Like I’d be jealous of ya, Carl.” He prodded the ram’s soft belly and Carl recoiled by reflex.

 

“I’ll let ya know she likes big guys. And so does a lot of people in my comment section, apparently…” He looked back to his computer. Flynn laid back against Carl’s bed. He had been sitting on the floor and, thanks to conflicting work schedules, TJ could not come that day.

 

Still, he had to admit it would be funny to see the lynx’s reaction when he told him about Carl’s day with Eleanor and the stupid video they recorded together. And it was clear Carl got lucky; the ram was pretty chipper that day.

 

Then again, Eleanor was kind of a dork like his friend. Even though it was a little odd to remember she had two years or so over Flynn himself.

 

 _‘But considering my age difference with TJ, who the fuck am I to criticize?’_  

 

Flynn hummed at his own thought, before deciding to move on.

 

“Say, besides trying to make a goat-sheep hybrid and act like idiots for your viewers, what else did ya do?”

 

“Hm?” Carl looked over his shoulder, then swiveled his chair around so he could face the gila. “Oh, uhm, we talked a little about her family. Did you know Richard wanted to be a Drag Queen but could never make it?”

 

“Did he now?” Flynn tried to picture his boss in Drag. While he acknowledged Richard looked damn good crossdressing, he couldn’t see him as an actual Drag Queen.

 

“Yeah. Said he wasn’t very funny. But having to get a business degree was what killed his dream for good. Heh, it’s kinda like me, huh?”

 

“I can believe that.” Indeed, Flynn could. “Except you convinced your old folks to help ya study what ya want.”

 

“True… but you helped.” Carl now went silent and Flynn knew why: In the following weeks after he had nearly drowned, the ram sunk deeper into his depression. Not that Flynn himself was any different. But when his parents tried to talk him into going back to college, the gila had decided to, for once, intercede in his friend’s favor.

 

It was not a pleasant conversation by any means. But, in the end, they relented.

 

Still, it was good to see Carl finally happy - or at least content - with his life. And making something out of himself. Strangely, the ram seemed to have no problem in doing the complicated editing of his videos or managing his finances from vtube.

 

Then again, could be that what he learned in his business classes managed to stick.

 

“It’s alright, Carl.”

 

“Alright,” the ram nodded while still looking down and sighed. “Alright… so, how about you? How’s work?”

 

“A fucking pain in the ass. Luiz’s got a month off from work and I’m not really close to the other guys to kill time by talkin’ with ‘em. I mean, ya know I dislike smalltalk,” _except when I’m lonely, like then,_ Flynn thought but ignored, “but Luiz and I at least see eye to eye. And with you busy, I can’t text ya often. Same as Teej and Jenna. Work hours are takin’ a fucking eternity to end.”

 

“We could go to his place sometime, dude.” Carl suggested. “We shoot the video there even, if he doesn’t wanna let me take a console to make the video here.”

 

That was true. Now that he thought of it, the few times Flynn texted his boss was when he needed help or to talk about something that had happened and he knew. Sure, he didn’t like the guy as much as he did Carl or TJ - but the old man did save his fucking neck a couple of times.

 

Besides, he had nothing to do, really. He had tried playing a few of Carl’s games again, but he sucked at it. They were too far from anywhere decent for fishing - Flynn did not like going to places packed with people. He couldn’t hunt either. Both due the lack of a decent gun for it and, frankly, who would go with him?

 

“Hm, I might text him later. Now show me that shit ya were so excited about.”

 

“You know I’m not the one who gets excited by shi- OW!” Even while sitting on the floor, Flynn managed to smack the tip of his tail against Carl’s balls, though it did not hit very hard. The gila frowned.

 

“It was amusing the first few times, but this joke’s startin’ to get on my fucking nerves.”

 

Carl held his crotch and took a few deep breaths while swaying back and forth, groaning for a few seconds.

 

“Shit, Flynn, okay… fuck… jeez…” The ram took a few more deep breaths, before finally letting go. “I just wanna show ya this game where you play as a security guard in a haunted pizzeria…”

 

“Lemme guess, another of those fucking retarded jumpscare games?”

 

“Yeah, but this one requires reflexes! Lemme show ya.” The ram turned around to grab the VR headset.

 

Flynn felt the corners of his lips tugging upwards ever so slightly. As stupid as he considered those games to be, he did enjoy hanging out with Carl.

 

Even if it meant showing how much he sucked at gaming.

 

Which also reminded him: Carl wanted to feature him in one of his playthroughs. As much as Flynn dreaded the idea, he realized there were huge chances of his friend convincing him to do it.

 

Beats being alone by a fucking mile.

 

Though he promised to be home in about two hours. And, knowing what and who waited for him, he also wouldn’t miss it for the world. Carl understood.

  
  


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Saturday night, TJ found himself sighing contently while sitting down on the living room futon. He had just finished showering and eating some cheap microwavable meal - basically rice, corn and a bunch of vegetables. There was nothing interesting on TV and Flynn was about to get home any moment now. The lynx laid his eyes on the only other person in the room.

 

Jenna was trying to act cool, calmly reading a book, but TJ could tell the vixen was anxious: Her interview had been that Friday and they gave her the ‘we will call’ treatment.

 

TJ was optimistic: Jenna was one of the most - if not _the_ most - capable persons he knew. Flynn’s only opinion about it that day was a non-committed “who knows?”

 

His tone did not sit well with TJ. With Carl using the little free time he had from college (and making videos) to study for the finals, they couldn’t hang out as much - Flynn was with him for the first time in a few days. Furthermore, the lynx heard that his boss decided to take a break from work until early February. Flynn was likely bored out of his mind and frustrated.

 

TJ usually would be there and they would find something to do together - or nothing - and enjoy each other’s company. Little by little, the lynx learned that Flynn did not need smalltalk to enjoy his company, and it put Tobias at ease: He did not have to think on what to say. They could just both sit on the futon, lean on each other and half-watch TV for hours.

 

Or there were times when TJ studied about his trade (as it turns out, few people realized working in physiotherapy - like most other healthcare areas - meant that it was necessary to be constantly updating one’s knowledge on the subject). When that happened, TJ would usually be in his room, using his computer, and the gila would lie down on his bed and use his phone to read about anything that interested him on the internet. Or text Carl and, sometimes, his boss.

 

All of which were welcome realizations, since the lynx worried about their different tastes (or rather, his boyfriend’s near lack of hobbies).

 

Flynn did not like hiking that much and TJ did not like to hunt. Besides, Flynn lacked a long gun for the latter. Swimming was out of question (he hadn’t asked Flynn about it yet, but decided to just be safe and avoid doing it altogether). They could (and did) go fishing once. But, if TJ had to be honest, he did not like it that much and they had to drive a while just to get to any decent body of water that the gila would like.

 

As it turns out, Flynn did not like fishing in crowded places.

 

Neither of them had common interest in games or sports. And TJ doubted that, even if he were as sexually open as his boyfriend, they would be able to just fornicate to pass the time.

 

So, when Flynn had told TJ, during a particularly boring Sunday (the second of 2019, and the first time they went fishing!), that he did not need to try and make up conversation, and that the gila enjoyed his company by itself, it felt like like a massive weight had been lifted from the lynx’s shoulders.

 

Because, deep down, it bothered TJ to feel like the third-wheel or the mascot of the group. It was the kind of role he had been somewhat forced into back then. Though, in a way, his own reluctance to start any kind of conflict - no matter how minor - played a huge role in that.

 

While he liked to help people, somehow along the line, he had allowed himself to become a people-pleaser. That realization made the young feline frown.

 

 _‘Never again. From now on, my life is my own,’_ Tobias thought with new resolve, before his thoughts shifted about another detail that bothered him a little that day, when they went fishing.

 

Flynn seemed to be about to tell him something, but either lost his nerve or the convenient timing for a fish to catch the bait had made him forget it.

 

Was he going to confess something? To apologize for what he had done in the past yet again? To ask if TJ was in the mood to fool around? The lynx couldn’t figure out what the gila was about to say and did not have the nerve to ask.

 

Speaking of ‘nerve’ and ‘apologies’, TJ knew he had to yet apologize to Carl. And tell Flynn about what happened. The one time he tried to be more assertive, things went downhill fast.

 

It also made sense why few people put up with Flynn. Even though the gila had been right in some cases (just as the lynx had been when they played that little ‘Never Have I Ever’ game with the ram back in Echo), there were certain diplomatic ways to be honest without crossing the line into rudeness.

 

Something Flynn seemed to be struggling with as of late as well. The lizard surely seemed to be trying his best to not offend him. The thought made TJ’s ears perk up a little and he felt his lips curl into a hint of a smile.

 

He briefly looked at Jenna - still busy with her reading. As much as he liked her, she also wasn’t exactly a prime example of ‘diplomatic honesty’. Saying that the fennec was ‘passionate’ about something she believed would be an understatement.

 

The lynx was busy trying to figure how he could try to find the precise balance for that when his ears perked up at the sound of the front door being unlocked. Flynn stood there, still in his work uniform, but with both his coat and shirt open (he really seemed to enjoy showing his abs), holding his duffel bag on one paw. His gaze quickly locked on to TJ’s and the lizard smiled. Tobias returned it with one of his own.

 

“Hey,” was all that the lizard said as he tossed the keys next to the TV - something he had done every time he arrived - and walked towards TJ, taking large steps. The gila seemed tired, and even his body language indicated that.

 

He leaned down and quickly planted a kiss on the lynx’s forehead and then ruffled his fur. TJ chuckled. “How was your hangout?” The young male also remembered Flynn had been all that time with Carl and, before that, at work. “Did you eat?”

 

Flynn blinked at the last question and TJ could swear the gila’s lips almost curled into a smile. “Yeah, Carl had ordered some Chinese, thanks.” 

 

“And what about the hangout?” The lynx said.

 

“Ah, Carl decided to make some stupid video with me. I played some shitty game for a few minutes while he recorded it. We’ll see what he’s got when he edits and puts it online.”

 

“Upload, Flynn,” Jenna said as she flipped a page on the book about the Collective Dancing Fever Phenomena in Europe she had been reading.

 

“Good evening to you too, Jenna,” the gila retorted in a deadpan manner.

 

The fennec smiled and looked up from her book. “Well, you just said ‘hey’, so I figured you just meant to greet TJ.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,” his attention went back to TJ. “He said he’ll upload it and we’ll be able to watch the shitfest tomorrow. I bet I look fu- frigging ridiculous in it.”

 

TJ noticed his attempt at self-censorship and couldn’t help but chuckle. Flynn raised one ridge and the lynx decided to clarify: “You don’t need to… censor yourself to me.”

 

“That’s what she said,” Jenna commented again from her book, and TJ felt his ears warming up.

 

“Bet you’d love to see that, huh?” Flynn crossed his arms and straightened himself, looking at the small vixen with a smirk.

 

Jenna now closed her book and assumed a similar posture to Flynn; crossing her arms and sitting straight in her chair. But she seemed serious. “What makes you think that?”

 

The gila shrugged. “Those Japanese comics you read.”

 

It was now Jenna’s turn to blush. Her ears drooped a little and her eyes widened. It was brief and she quickly schooled her features, even if it was clear she was still a little flushed. TJ watched the exchange with interest. It was fascinating to see them banthering so much without being almost literally at each other’s throats.

 

“Those are _manga._ They’re _not_ comics, Flynn.”

 

“If you say so.” The lizard said in a dismissive tone. They continued discussing the differences (or, in Flynn’s case, lack thereof) between manga and comics and which could be considered an art form (in Flynn’s opinion, neither). TJ found it fascinating to see them go.

 

Eventually, Flynn said she just liked it because of that ‘yaoi shit’. The fennec seemed to be about to think of some kind of retort to Flynn’s commentary, but then she pouted and TJ actually thought it was kind of cute. 

 

Jenna hummed as she usually did when deciding to back away from a debate (or an argument) and stood up, picking her book. 

 

“Eh, it’s midnight. I’m going to my room. Good night you two.”

 

“Night,” said Flynn as he moved to look into the cabinet where he kept his clothes, blocking the view of the TV.

 

“Good night and sleep well, Jenna!” TJ said with a smile. The fennec returned it in kind, then retreated to her room down the corridor.

 

Now TJ’s ears swiveled back at the sound of Flynn closing the cabinet door. He saw the lizard sighing and holding his usual ‘stay at home’ outfit of sweatpants and t-shirt. But what caught his attention was how Flynn groaned and tried to crack his neck.

 

“Did you work in the camera room today?” The lynx asked.

 

“Yeah, most of these days. I’m not really pals with the other guys, so Angelo thought it was best if I were watching the cameras instead of being by myself or with the new guys.”

 

“Oh, okay.” TJ rubbed his arm in thought.

 

“I’m gonna take a shower. Be back soon.”

 

“Alright,” said TJ.

 

As Flynn moved to the bathroom, the lynx felt a shiver running through his spine. It wasn’t bad, though. It was just that whenever he saw Flynn going to take a shower, he remembered what had happened the day after their first date.

 

And his thoughts drifted at the gila’s butt. TJ felt a little conflicted, still feeling odd at being attracted by a man’s behind like that. And Flynn’s… it was better than those of most of those porn actors he had seen in gtube videos.

 

The lynx rubbed his arm in anxiety, doing his best to keep his ears up. “Hey, Flynn?”

 

“Yeah?” The gila peeked from the bathroom, already shirtless.

 

“If your neck’s sore, perhaps you’d like if I gave you a massage…?”

 

Flynn seemed to consider the offer. TJ could see his boyfriend’s forked tongue slowly licking his lips - a telltale sign that the gila was nervous.

 

“Uh, sure. Just wait ‘till I’m done.”

 

“Alright.” TJ forced a smile, hoping his embarrassment wouldn’t be visible. And that he would not lose his nerve before the lizard finished his shower.

 

TJ had spent most of the week without touching himself. He had been busy with work and the few outings with Flynn during their free time so, most of the time, he would end up getting home, eating, showering and heading straight to bed.

 

So, when he asked himself if he really wanted to do what he thought he was about to do next, once he could hear the telltale sound of the shower being turned on, the answer was clear:

 

_Yes._

 

The lynx tried to focus on playing with his phone. He had turned the television off - they wouldn’t be going back to the living room, if his plan worked.

 

He adjusted himself in his pants and looked down. He hoped he’d be to Flynn’s liking.

 

 _‘Oh, gosh, who am I kidding? I have no idea of what I’m about to do!’_ TJ’s ears drooped at the thought.

 

Nearly giving up on the idea, his heart skipped a beat once he heard the bathroom door opening. Flynn emerged from it shirtless - considering TJ had promised to give him a massage, it made sense he did not bother putting it on.

 

“Uhm, let’s go to my room, okay?” TJ asked in a low tone. The gila furrowed his ridges and looked at him with narrow eyes, before shrugging.

 

“Sure.”

 

TJ led the way, his legs wobbly from anxiety. The young lynx could feel his heart pounding. Flynn had turned the living room lights off - _did he realize what was supposed to happen?_

 

The younger male sighed in relief once they entered his room and he turned the lights on. TJ closed the door behind them and directed Flynn to his bed, timing the noise of his old mattress’ springs right so he could lock the door without it being heard.

 

By now the gila laid down on his stomach, his tail slowly wagging as a predator about to pounce on his prey. He looked over his shoulder and, despite the fact TJ could not see his muzzle from where he stood, he could tell by his eye that the gila was smirking.

 

“I don’t have any massaging oil, so, uhm, sorry if it won’t be as effective. But I’m still pretty good.” And he spoke the truth. At least on the last part: He _was_ good at what he did. He did have massaging oil, of course, but he did not want to risk ingesting or having it in his paws when touching more… _sensitive_ flesh.

 

“Fine,” was all Flynn said. TJ gulped and took the chance that Flynn seemed to be looking away to remove his cross necklace and the ring that Flynn gave to him, then immediately got on to work, rubbing then pressing his thumbs on the lizard’s sore neck and shoulder muscles.

 

 _Huh, he_ was _tense for real._

 

Working out had really toned Flynn’s muscles. While the lynx knew he already used to have a decent build - likely from lifting freight - the lizard’s back muscles now were nearly rock-solid. The lynx hummed - it came out nearly like a purr - as he kneaded and massaged them, getting rid of Flynn’s kinks.

 

 _‘Heh, kinks,’_ TJ resisted the urge to chuckle.

 

Flynn sighed and TJ felt a hint of pride. The lynx moved down the lizard’s back, eventually reaching his tail.

 

“Would you like me to work your tail as well?”

 

It was a genuinely innocent request, but the way Flynn leaned on his elbows so he could look at him in the eye, a sly smirk on his muzzle, told Tobias that the gila understood it in a different way.

 

“Uhm, I mean a massage.” TJ quickly corrected himself. Flynn chuckled and laid back down.

 

“Sure, sure.”

 

The lynx’s cheeks and ears were on fire and TJ was sure his blush could be seen through his fur. He grabbed the gila’s long, thick and muscular tail and proceeded to work through from its base all the way to the tip.

 

Sometimes, TJ would lift it to work on its underside (at least, it is what he told himself), and was rewarded with a good look at the gila’s ass. His member twitched in his pants. TJ was sure that the front of his underwear was probably smeared with his pre by now.

 

Soon enough, the lynx had no more reason to dwell on the gila’s tail. TJ licked his lips and thought about asking to do his legs, before realizing that he should, maybe, be a little bold.

 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before exhaling. His paws then moved to massage Flynn’s buttocks.

 

The gila seemed to tense up briefly, before relaxing. Curiously, he had not said anything. TJ kept going down his thick thighs - they were always thick, he knew - and down his calves.

 

By the time TJ was massaging Flynn’s paws, the gila finally said something:

 

“Damn, you’re fuckin’ good at this. Ya don’t even tickle.”

 

TJ giggled and gently tickled the sole of Flynn’s right paw with one of his claws. Flynn tensed up and pulled it away in reflex.

 

The gila looked over his shoulder with an annoyed expression and TJ’s smile faltered, before he heard Flynn chuckling as well. He finished massaging the lizard’s paws and tapped him on his thigh, finally getting off to the side of his bed from the position he had been in; straddling on the lizard’s legs.

 

“Alright, done!”

 

Flynn turned around and sat himself on the lynx’s bed, sliding back and leaving most of it free for TJ. He smirked. “Now for your payment. C’mere.”

 

TJ giggled nervously and crawled towards his boyfriend. His heart still pounded and, while he wasn’t rock-hard anymore, his member was still halfway outside his sheath. He felt giddy as the lizard wrapped his long arms around him and parted his lips, their maws connecting in a kiss.

 

Tobias moaned into the kiss as he straddled on Flynn’s lap, wrapping his arms around the larger male’s torso and running his paws over his back, feeling the lizard’s scales with his soft feline paws.

 

Their tongues danced around each other, and TJ always surrendered dominance to Flynn’s. Both due his lack of experience - and focus on avoiding the gila’s venomous teeth - and the fact Flynn’s tongue was longer and more prehensile. He did not care either.

 

It was also fascinating how their body temperatures differed. Flynn’s tongue was always slightly cooler into his mouth, and it somehow made the lynx even more eager to accept it. He was sure the same happened to the gila in relation to the young lynx’s more warm appendage.

 

He felt Flynn’s paws trailing lower. Flynn knew what he had wanted to do and played along with it. The thought made TJ chuckle and they broke the kiss briefly. Flynn looked into his eyes and TJ met his gaze. Blue on blue, as the sky over the sea.

 

Despite his anxiety about what was going to happen, it all still felt _so_ right.

 

Still, the gila saw fit to ask him for verbal consent: “Are ya sure?”

 

“Yes.” TJ said in a low voice. Flynn was about to say something, but the lynx leaned forward and their lips met in a kiss once more. Flynn yelped in surprise, before getting into it, his hands trailed lower to the lynx’s crotch and started to gently fondle his erection through his pants.

 

TJ moaned in pleasure into the kiss and his own paws trailed lower, feeling Flynn’s tail flick up, and he reached to grab his boyfriend’s buttocks over his sweatpants.

 

Deep down, the lynx still had no idea what he was doing, but decided to follow his instincts and Flynn’s lead. He moaned again as the gila grabbed his erection through his pants and stroked it. TJ’s paws gripped the gila’s ass tight and he humped against Flynn’s hand, feeling the lizard’s lips curl into a smile while they kissed.

 

The lizard apparently had an idea. He broke the kiss and straightened his back, making him a little taller than the lynx. Taller enough so he planted a kiss on TJ’s temple, then the lynx felt his long tongue wrapping around his ear and pulling it into the gila’s maw, where the gila nibbled gently on it, sometimes stopping to let his tongue feel the lynx’s ear.

 

That was too much. TJ moaned and felt his member go fully hard again, straining against its cloth prison. He ground his teeth tight when Flynn proceeded to do it to his other ear. TJ let out a breath he did not know he had been holding. He knew it had to feel good, but he had never felt such sensations in his life.

 

_That was too much._

 

TJ pulled back, his mind foggy with lust, and he hastily took off his shirt. He started undoing his belt and the fly of his pants and then one thought almost made him lose his nerve:

 

 _‘I want to do this, but_ how _do I want to do this?’_

 

He let out a frustrated chuckle and Flynn raised one ridge at him. The lynx raised one paw and shook his head.

 

“I’m sorry, it’s just… I have no idea what to do. Or how to do… uhm… I mean, I wanna do it, but…”

 

Flynn smiled. It wasn’t his usual sarcastic smirk. It was unusually tender and understanding, and TJ felt at ease. The gila pulled him into a hug and stroked the back of his head.

 

“Lemme lead now. There’s no secret, really.” Flynn said, his muzzle tickling the furs of TJ’s ear as he spoke.

 

“Okay…” TJ whispered back, his own muzzle close to the lizard’s ear hole.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Flynn gently moved off from beneath his boyfriend and laid the lynx on his back. TJ smiled nervously at him and the gila returned it, briefly leaning down to plant a kiss on his lips. Then another, at the corner of the lynx’s muzzle. And trailed lower on to the feline’s neck, almost sneezing when some of his fluff tickled his nostrils.

 

He felt TJ arching his back and taking a sharp breath at that and resisted the urge to smile or laugh. Teej likely never felt something like that before in his whole life and that would create a lasting impression on the lynx. 

 

In a way, Flynn acknowledged it made him feel a little pressured to not disappoint. But - with exception of last year - Flynn Moore never disappointed.

 

Even if he had to admit that what he was about to do wasn’t the same he had done in the past.

 

His mouth trailed lower, planting a kiss in the middle of the lynx’s fluffy chest, TJ’s soft muscles tensing up briefly underneath his skin and fur, before relaxing. The lynx let out a sigh.

 

Flynn realized that this was even more intimate than what he had done with Carl. And definitely more intimate than his encounters at the Smoke Room, or the dates his boss had arranged for him, or the disastrous encounter at the Sweatshop.

 

He loved sex. He loved everything about it.

 

But, deep down, he knew he would never be wanted by the older men who used him for their pleasure. And it always left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth - like the ash-covered floor of the Smoke Room. A man who wanted to feel wanted, but who would decline other’s genuine affections - when they rarely showed it. A living paradox.

 

But this? This was new to him too. Not in the way it was for TJ, but nevertheless just as new and exciting.

 

Flynn’s kisses eventually drifted to the side, where he found TJ’s left nipple. TJ yelped when the gila gently kissed, then proceeded to suckle on it. He would rake his upper teeth gently across them - as gila monsters had their venom on the lower jaw’s teeth - but the lynx’s reaction had already shown him that his boyfriend was already pretty sensitive. Overstimulation could be bad in such cases.

 

TJ’s claws dug into the mattress, tearing holes into the sheets. The lynx moaned. “Oh… oh God…”

 

That took all of Flynn’s self-control to not smirk smugly or laugh. He wanted to make a commentary on how he had managed to make TJ ‘use the lord’s name in vain’, but he decided that it would ruin the moment. He continued licking, kissing and suckling at the lynx’s left nipple, before moving to the right one - trailing kisses along the way - and giving it the same treatment. TJ took a hissed, deep breath in response.

 

He sometimes wondered if reptiles missed out on not having those fleshy nubs on their chest. Mammals seemed so sensitive to it, and it always fascinated him.

 

Then again, reptiles tended to be sensitive on the spots of their bellies near to where their internal testicles were. And their slits were pretty sensitive too. Flynn’s cock twitched at the thought of TJ licking his slit until his cock emerged. Once in a while, someone managed to make him come from that alone. Maybe another time, considering Flynn himself was rock-hard already.

 

Flynn decided to move on and kissed down the lynx’s fit tummy, chuckling this time as TJ let out a breath and arched back, as if trying to escape his kisses. The gila kept going until he reached the hem of the lynx’s underwear, his muzzle brushing against the zipper of TJ’s open pants.

 

He looked up and met his boyfriend’s gaze again. TJ was panting, some of his fur around the middle of his chest, in his armpits, his neck and forehead was starting to get matted with sweat. The gila, still keeping eye contact, briefly kissed the lynx’s tent, right on the wet patch of his underwear. TJ shuddered and nodded.

 

The gila kissed and pressed his nose against the lynx’s underwear, taking a deep huff of his musky scent. _Why hide it?_ Flynn liked the smell of dick.

 

Making sure to have one last nod of confirmation from his boyfriend, Flynn grabbed the hem of TJ’s pants and underwear and pulled them down. They stopped at the lynx’s thighs, but the lizard focused on the nine inch cock that sprung from the confinement of TJ’s underwear. He smirked - his boss was right: The lynx _was_ hung.

 

He took his time to finally pull off TJ’s pants and underwear off of him and tossed them on the floor, leaving the lynx panting, naked, aroused and vulnerable.

 

Flynn got on his knees so he could more easily undress himself. He was going commando, and it showed in the wet patch in front of his dark blue sweatpants. While at it, he looked at TJ again. He never realized how someone could be cute _and_ hot at the same time. If anything, the fact the lynx looked so fucking adorable was what made him even more sexy to him.

 

TJ looked back, his mouth slightly open, his breath heavy and his eyes clouded in a lustful daze. Flynn smirked and, after he had removed his own pants, quickly went to work.

 

The gila leaned down and grabbed the lynx’s cock, briefly pumping it, before kissing and licking its side along the shaft. TJ shuddered and moaned in response. Usually, the gila wouldn’t waste time before blowing his partner, but something made him want to kiss and worship TJ all over.

 

_Maybe that was the difference between fucking and making love?_

 

Pushing these thoughts away, Flynn kept going down, until his muzzle met the lynx’s fuzzy ballsack, feeling like velvet on his lips. Once more, the gila felt like a high schooler when he couldn’t come up with any other adjective for TJ’s bits other than adorable. 

 

He gently kissed the feline’s orbs and took a deep whiff of his musk, his nose right in the crease between the lynx’s hairy sheath and his balls. He knew from experience that was one of the muskier bits of a mammal’s body.

 

His long, prehensile tongue wrapped around TJ’s balls, briefly teasing the lynx’s perineum before it went around, and Flynn took one of them in his mouth, gently sucking on it. TJ’s cock twitched as beads of pre pooled on its tip, before running down the shaft with each new stimuli from the gila’s mouth and tongue.

 

“Ah- ah… Flynn…!” TJ squirmed and the gila let go, before doing the same with the other one.

 

TJ reached down with one paw to Flynn’s head. At first, Flynn was afraid he had somehow been too hard on the lynx’s jewels, but he just placed it there while still squirming, so Flynn decided to finish giving the equal treatment before moving on to something he had always wanted to see how TJ would react to.

 

It was awkward and he had to slide mostly out of bed. His back hurt a little, but he managed to find a more or less decent position to lift up the lynx’s hips. Flynn used his shoulders to keep TJ’s legs secure up. It was a tight fit, but he had done that before and TJ did not weight much. It gave him just a slight view of the feline’s pink asshole. When Flynn exhaled a breath over it as he approached, it clenched, ‘winking’ at him.

 

“Uhm, Flynn, what are you- NNNG…” TJ’s question was cut once the gila gave his tailhole a kiss and an experimental lick. TJ’s whole body tensed and the lynx did almost jump like a fish out of water. Then he relaxed and Flynn’s lips met the feline’s warm puckered flesh, almost literally making out with Toby’s asshole.

 

“Ahhh… Flynn…!” The gila resisted the urge to smirk once more. It had been ages since he had managed to make a man cry his name in bed. He continued his tongue assault on his boyfriend’s puckered hole, sometimes sticking his tongue as far as it would go inside the lynx’s asshole, taking deep breaths of the lynx’s musky scent all the while. TJ had tried to move a paw in order to jerk himself off, but Flynn quickly stopped him with a chuckle.

 

TJ responded with a sound that could be either a whine or a moan of pleasure. His hips bucked slightly.

 

“Please, Flynn… oh, God... p-please…”

 

Flynn pulled back and only now saw the mess that his lover was: TJ’s entire fur was matted down with sweat, the lynx panted and his cock twitched and leaked pre over his patch of pubic fur, throbbing with every other breath TJ took. He was ready.

 

“Alright…” Flynn said, wanting to sound firm, but coming out as a whispered pant as well. “I’m gonna… you just lie there, Teej.”

 

The lynx only nodded weakly, before his eyes widened as he noticed the larger male straddling himself. Flynn decided that, since he was leading it, he might as well do most of the work and ride TJ.

 

“T-there’s… there’s lube in the drawer.” TJ said as he gestured to his computer desk. Flynn got up and moved to the desk, opening the drawer indicated by TJ. The lizard resisted the urge to make a comment about him being naughty.

 

Especially after noticing half of the bottle had been used.

 

The gila lathered his left hand and lifted his tail, making sure to lube himself well. He had taken bigger guys than TJ once in a while, but he had been without sex since that time on the Sweatshop - and just as long without introducing anything up his asshole.

 

Feeling satisfied once both his index and middle finger slid in and out with ease all the way to the knuckle, Flynn placed the bottle on the nearby nightstand and made his way back to TJ, who was propping his upper body up on his elbows and watching it all with child-like amusement, his ears directed at the gila.

 

Flynn did not waste any time and straddled TJ. It was a little awkward to find a decent position where he could look at the lynx’s face. Usually, he’d turn his back, since he found it a little easier with people as endowed as TJ. But he really felt the urge to look at Toby’s face as they did it.

 

_At his boyfriend’s face._

 

Eventually, the gila managed to find a position that would be comfortable enough. He knew his thighs and maybe his lower back would be on fire by the time this was over. But he and TJ would have the next day off, so they could rest. Besides, it wasn’t his first rodeo.

 

Flynn hiked his tail up and, with his left paw, he gently supported himself on the lynx’s chest, his right one getting ahold of Toby’s member and guiding it to his reptilian tailhole.

 

Both of them near-simultaneously sucked in a breath as Flynn lowered himself towards his lover’s dick. It took some tries, as it kept sliding off, but Flynn had finally managed to push the head and a couple of inches in. He hummed in bliss, enjoying the feeling of another male’s warm cock invading him, and lowered himself all the way down.

 

TJ, on the other hand, let out a long moan until Flynn was done taking him in. The lizard just sat there for a moment, to let the younger male get used to the feeling, before he clenched slightly and gently wiggled his hips, making Toby huff and grab his thighs.

 

Flynn wanted to smirk, even though he had his muzzle slightly open as he panted himself. In his case, more out of anxiety than anything else. He wanted to make sure the lynx would never forget this, for the right reasons.

 

Eventually, Flynn started pulling himself off TJ’s cock, getting about six or seven inches off, before lowering himself nearly all the way down again. And again. And he soon built up a rhythm that did not force his legs too much and still pleased the lynx - as he could attest by both how TJ moaned (and, once again, called god’s name in vain) and his claws gently dug on his thighs.

 

His thighs were starting to hurt. Less so from Toby’s claws sinking into them, and more due to his effort in riding his lover. TJ had his eyes closed shut, his brows furrowed and he had started slamming his hips against Flynn’s large ass instead of just lying back there. The gila let out a torrent of curses but, surprisingly, TJ did not appear to mind. 

 

Flynn’s own cock leaked its precum over the lynx’s tummy, briefly pooling over the matted fur, then mixing with the lynx’s sweat that was building up there from their lovemaking.

 

At some point, TJ called his name again. Flynn knew he was getting close but, despite the pleasure he had from being fucked by Toby, it would still take a while for the gila to reach his climax.

 

It was then when the lynx’s right paw abruptly left Flynn’s thigh and got ahold of the gila’s own six-inch cock. The move took Flynn by surprise with the sudden spike of pleasure as TJ tried to jerk him off. But with most of his mind addled with lust, Toby’s paw did not make any coherent or constant strokes, sometimes stopping as TJ would slam himself harder and faster against Flynn, before slowing down and stroking the gila’s dick again.

 

Still, it made Flynn feel himself getting closer too.

 

And it was precisely that moment that felt like forever. With his thighs on fire, Flynn finally clenched as TJ’s strokes started to take a toll on him. It appeared to work on the lynx too, for he soon felt TJ shooting his load inside him, the lynx’s cock twitching as he fired burst after burst of cum inside Flynn’s tight asshole. 

 

The lynx let out a gasp, followed by a moan as he continued jerking Flynn’s member until the lizard, less than a couple of seconds after the lynx came, shot his own cum over his boyfriend.

 

It came out in two thick bursts, some of it managing to even get over the lynx’s head and hit his pillow, leaving a stain that they could never wash out later. But most of it landed in a trail over TJ’s chest and tummy - some even hitting him on the head and muzzle. But neither of them cared.

 

Flynn panted and stayed still for a moment, enjoying the feeling. He then wiggled his hips a little, getting a weak moan out of TJ, who returned in kind by lazily jerking him. He could feel TJ’s member growing soft and sliding out of his asshole, allowing the lynx’s seed to leak out of it, running over the inner sides of the lizard’s buttocks - slightly tickling as they ran down - and over the lynx’s genitals.

 

The gila’s own member, covered in cum, was almost fully inside his genital slit again. Flynn sighed and finally got off of his lover, lying by his side on Toby’s small bed, between his lynx and the wall.

 

They stayed like that for a long moment, panting and just looking at each other. TJ looked at him in a daze, but his eyes shone and Flynn knew he had enjoyed it. He leaned forward and planted a kiss on the lynx’s black lips, but TJ opened them and, soon, their tongues met again. Toby turned to his side and wrapped one arm around the gila’s torso, Flynn returning it in kind, before just pulling TJ close to him, their entire bodies touching, as if he wanted them to become one.

 

He now understood why Leo liked to cuddle afterwards. And he understood what he wanted so much - but never had - when he went to places like the Smoke Room. Why his lust was never sated. He wanted to feel validated.

 

He wanted to feel _loved._

 

Sex by itself was great. And, for the longest time, Flynn felt like nothing could be better than it. Nothing.

 

How wrong he was.

 

Eventually, they broke their kiss and pulled back. Flynn almost resisted the urge to stroke the lynx’s face.

 

_Almost._

 

He remembered what Luiz had told him, about not delaying to apologize or show affection. A pang of guilt briefly hit Flynn, as he thought of how he rarely did that to others, even Syd, before he pushed it away.

 

For tonight, he would let the past remain in the past.

 

The gila cupped the lynx’s face with his left paw. TJ smiled and leaned against it when he rubbed his thumb on the tufts of fur he had on his cheek. Flynn smiled as well. Their lives were far from perfect, but, for now, everything felt alright.

 

After a few minutes caressing each other, TJ got up and went to his computer desk, retrieving a box of wet tissues. He walked back to them and they cleaned themselves (and each other) as best as they could, given the circumstances. If it were up to Flynn, he wouldn’t mind either way.

 

Now they both laid on TJ’s bed in the dark. They hadn’t spoken a word until Flynn decided to break the silence.

 

“So… how was it?”

 

TJ looked back at him, a little tired, but still smiled. “It was… better than I imagined.”

 

“Was it that bad?” The gila grinned. TJ giggled and shook his head.

 

“What do you want me to say? I don’t have any references besides, you know…” Toby did not meet his gaze for a moment and Flynn knew what he meant. He reached over to pet TJ again and the lynx hummed in satisfaction.

 

“Heh, know,” TJ chuckled nervously after a moment and adjusted himself so he could look at Flynn directly, “Jenna told me that, once, Carl said you were into, uhm, that scat stuff. You have no idea how anxious I was this past week.”

 

 _‘Of course that fat asshole would do that,’_ Flynn thought, figuring he might whack him in the balls with his tail next time they met.

 

“Nah… hell, no.” Flynn chuckled. “I mean, I’ve experimented a lot before, but that shit’s not to my liking. No pun intended.” They both laughed at his answer.

 

“I’m glad.” TJ approached and snuggled up to Flynn’s chest, humming.

 

“Now, golden showers are a guilty pleasure…” The gila added. It wasn’t exactly true - he wasn’t turned off by it, but rarely asked anyone to do that.

 

TJ immediately leaned away from him, his eyes open and his expression was one of extreme concern.

 

Flynn laughed harder this time and pulled him closer. Tobias chuckled as well and nuzzled against the lizard’s chin. The gila pulled him up and they kissed briefly again.

 

It was when Flynn decided to finally tell TJ something he almost did back when they were fishing.

 

That day, it was obvious TJ was bored and just went along to please him. The little guy was trying his best and Flynn felt a little guilty. But he appreciated that he had done it anyway, so much so, that he had almost told him about the feeling that welled within him.

 

Feeling of which he would be finally saying after TJ’s first time doing the horizontal tango and Flynn’s first time making love.

 

“Teej?” Flynn asked. TJ looked up at him.

 

“Hm?”

 

“I…” Flynn licked his lips. They felt dry. “I think I love ya.”

 

The lynx smiled in a way that Flynn had rarely seen before. It was like how when he had given him that silver ring - which TJ took off when he thought he wasn’t looking, likely to not wear religious symbols when they fucked - and also back when they asked each other out at the mall.

 

“I think I love you too, Flynn.” The lynx said and laid his head over the gila’s chest. Flynn wrapped one arm around his smaller lover.

 

“Good night, Flynn,” TJ said.

 

“Night, Toby.”

 

It did not take long for TJ to drift off to sleep using Flynn’s chest as a pillow. Flynn remained awake a little longer, looking up at the ceiling and thinking about how, _maybe,_ everything they had been through had been worth it in the end. Ultimately, the gila realized he didn’t care. He would just be happy with his lot for now.

 

Soon enough, sleep took him as well.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Jenna finally took her headphones off and groaned. Sure, she was happy for them and her inner Fujoshi was squeeing in joy. But that was quickly replaced by awkwardness and, then, frustration.

 

While she did not have anywhere to go that Sunday, she had been used to sleep and wake up early.

 

It was almost four in the morning.

 

The fennec turned to her side and crossed her arms. It was when she realized that they had stopped.

 

If there was a God, she would be thanking them right now. She never figured that TJ could moan so loudly. And she was pretty sure Flynn had woken up the neighbours while yelling his curses.

 

Jenna realized that she might have to try and find a sensitive way to ask TJ about making his room soundproof.


	30. Nostalgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flynn, TJ, Jenna and Carl have a hangout at Richard's house so the ram can finally make a video about one of the many old and obscure video game consoles there. The four of them together while Carl plays games feels almost like the old times, despite the few changes.
> 
> TJ also learns a few things, both from his new experiences and from other people's nostalgia. Meanwhile, Flynn realizes he needs a new hobby.

**Nostalgia**

 

TJ slowly opened his eyes and yawned. His nostrils flared and he could smell his own musk, alongside Flynn’s. In fact, he had realized Flynn was sleeping in his bed, with him. And he could tell from their contact that both were naked beneath their blanket.

 

For a second, his heart skipped a beat, before he calmed down again. They had sex. The lynx smiled as he thought of those words again.

 

Sure, he still felt his cheeks and ears flushing slightly, but he had to admit that felt greater than he had ever imagined. It kinda felt silly that he was so nervous about it all this time.

 

He knew it was Sunday and they both had it off. There was no rush to get out of bed. The lynx gently turned around and adjusted himself so he could look at Flynn’s sleeping form by his side.

 

The gila likely enjoyed sleeping with him even more now that it was winter: Flynn could cuddle with the lynx’s warm body, while he helped cool TJ down slightly from being covered by his blanket (for Flynn’s sake). It was a decent trade.

 

Flynn snored peacefully, mouth only slightly open. He held TJ’s pillow (and the lynx noticed the spot forever marked by the gila’s cum) over his arm. TJ checked and was satisfied to see he had put the blanket between his back and the wall.

 

Last thing he wanted was to get his boyfriend sick by having him sleep with his cold-blooded body in contact with the wall.

 

Tobias yawned and stretched as much as he could without disturbing Flynn. All the gila had done with the movement was humm and close his mouth, stopping halfway from curling into a fetal position. TJ smiled and reached to gently stroke his head. Flynn groaned and stirred slightly, taking a deep breath. But he did not wake up.

 

It always felt strange, but in a good way, for TJ to see Flynn sleeping. Especially after they were together. He remembered the angry, bitter gila monster he knew for most of his life. Flynn could be outright fierce and intimidating at times - at least to the lynx. Yet, he looked so vulnerable and innocent when in that state.

 

They were just people, after all. 

 

And Tobias was glad that he had finally closed the gap between them. There were still some things they should work out, and TJ knew that very well. But he felt that they came pretty far for that to be a huge problem. If anything, they had gotten further than he ever imagined they would have got.

 

Especially after what Flynn had told him once they were finished with their lovemaking. TJ knew that it must have taken a lot for Flynn to confess that. The gila rarely showed positive feelings on his own volition - someone had to always initiate it.

 

His newfound cynicism _almost_ tried to ruin his mood by reminding him how it likely wouldn’t have happened if Flynn had not nearly died, if he hadn’t been the one who saved Flynn (twice), and if Flynn did not feel lonely.

 

_Almost._

 

After all, wasn’t life full of such events? Good things happening because bad ones did, and vice-versa? Instead of fighting his cynicism, TJ decided to do like Richard and use it against itself: He would just enjoy the outcome and try to work out his issues along.

 

What else could he do anyway? He looked at Flynn again, who grumbled something unintelligible and turned his back to TJ - almost knocking the lynx out of his bed.

 

TJ managed to stay on his bed without falling (he was good at balancing, after all), and moved closer to the gila, the young feline being the big spoon in order to stay on his own bed (and, if he had to be frank with himself, because he wanted to).

 

Once more, TJ reached out with his paw and started to gently stroke the purple-pink, fur-like spines that the gila had running from the top of his head all the way down his spine and tail. Of course, TJ just stroked those on his head. Flynn sighed in his sleep and the lynx felt the corners of his mouth stretching into a smile.

 

If were on him, they would remain like this for a long, long time. But he knew they would soon have to get out of bed, preferably to take a shower and wash his sheets. Jenna would be able to smell that from a mile away, but hopefully, she wouldn’t make any comments.

 

With a sigh, TJ rolled to his right, facing the nightstand and picked his phone. It was hot - the lynx recalled placing it to recharge when he had arrived home and he had forgotten it there - and he thanked God it did not explode and kill them while they were making love.

 

TJ chuckled at the thought of both him and Flynn, covered in each other’s seed, facing judgement. He felt a little guilty making fun of something serious like that, but he could not help it. Besides… he was sure God - if He was indeed real - had a sense of humour.

 

He looked at his phone and his eyes suddenly opened wide.

 

_Aw, man._

 

There were new messages from Jenna, Carl, Luiz and Richard.

 

 _‘Might as well open them in the chronological order,’_ thought TJ as his thumb opened the first one, Jenna’s:

 

_From: Jenna_

_01/20/2019_

_Can you two keep it down? I think you’re waking up the neighbours._

 

Well… that was certainly awkward. Hopefully, nobody would complain to the administration. TJ opened the next one, Carl’s.

 

_From: Carl_

_01/20/2019_

_congratulations, dude! i hope u enjoyed it - did Flynn ask u 4 chocolate stuff?_

 

TJ took a deep breath and exhaled through his nostrils. Carl’s message also came with four poop emojis. The lynx decided to just ignore that one.

 

_From: Richard_

_01/20/2019_

_I do hope everything went well. But I trust your roommate’s judgement about how much you two enjoyed your nocturnal activities. Welcome to adulthood, darling._

 

Now the lynx laughed. Of course Richard would be optimistic. TJ still felt some hints of shyness over all of it. It was still new to him and he did not know how to react, especially since most of the people he surrounded himself with were so open about sexual matters.

 

 _Especially_ the seven feet tall gila monster sleeping by his side. The same one that he was in love with. And the feeling appeared to be mutual.

 

The last message was Luiz’s, sent literally a few minutes before he woke up:

 

_From: Luiz_

_01/20/2019_

_Nice one, kid! If ya studied anatomy, you should know to eat his slit out like a cunny. Works with most reptiles every time. PS: I’m allowing him to take the cuffs home._

 

To be perfectly fair, yes, TJ was familiar with reptilian anatomy. He had to carefully study most species’ anatomic differencies. That was the toughest and longest part of his classes. So many different kinds of people, each with tiny variations.

 

But, indeed, he knew a lizard’s slit and its insides were highly sensitive. He could maybe lick it gently sometime. Though his ears and cheeks were on fire, Tobias would be lying if he said he didn’t want to try other things if the mood struck.

 

He put his phone down on the nightstand - this time unplugged - and laid back down with a sigh. So everyone knew. Well, that would happen eventually.

 

It was surprising to him just how calm he felt. It was as if the new experience he had the previous day had opened new perspectives to him. Toby still felt the same, but, simultaneously, a little more mature. Might be just temporary, but he enjoyed that sensation of a clear mind and being sure of himself.

 

He was the same, yet, had changed. Toby believed that is what growing up must feel like.

 

Soon, Flynn stirred and stretched, turning around while taking a deep breath, and his unfocused eyes caught TJ’s gaze. It took a moment for the gila to focus, and then he smiled.

 

“Good morning, Flynn.” TJ said and leaned close to plant a brief kiss on the gila’s lips. It still felt a little odd to be doing that, but it simultaneously felt right.

 

Flynn chuckled. “Mornin’. Didja enjoy it last night?”

 

The lynx wrapped his arms around Flynn’s chest and sighed, nodding. “Mmmhm…” It was true.

 

Then TJ realized that he had to bring something to Flynn’s attention. He picked up his phone and showed it to the lizard.

 

Flynn raised one scaly ridge and the lynx realized he had to unlock it. He quickly did so and opened the messages. His boyfriend just briefly looked at them and his smile died.

 

“Aw, Jesus-fucking-Christ. Now they’ll get on our case ‘til the end of the fuckin’ time.” The lizard held a grimace as he finished reading. TJ put his phone back on the nightstand.

 

“Uhm… I’ve had some time to think about it since I woke up and, well… we’ve been through worse. Sure, this might be a pain in the butt to deal with,” TJ noticed a smirk forming on the gila’s lips, “no pun intended. But this is nothing we can’t get over.”

 

Flynn sighed and closed his eyes, pulling TJ closer into a hug. “You’re right.”

 

“We have to go take a shower… and add the bed sheets to the laundry. And my pillowcase…” TJ spoke after a moment of silence. Flynn seemed to think on what he said.

 

“You go first,” the gila finally concluded, “I can wait.”

 

“Nuh-uh,” TJ shook his head and smiled, “fur takes longer to clean. You’ll be done in minutes.”

 

“Sure.” Flynn nodded, but kept TJ in his embrace for a few more minutes, before finally kissing him and hugging him tighter. Only then he let go and got up, then moved to pick his discarded clothes - giving TJ a show of his perfect butt. The lynx wondered if it was an accident or not, but once Flynn caught TJ looking, he smirked and hiked his tail up, exposing himself further.

 

TJ blushed and giggled. “Please, don’t. It’s eleven in the morning already.”

 

Flynn chuckled and put on his pants and shirt. He gave one of his armpits an experimental sniff and frowned. “Jenna’s gonna be a fuckin’ ass about this.”

 

Tobias just shook his head and smiled. “I don’t think so.”

 

By the way Flynn looked at him, the lynx could tell that his boyfriend really seemed to like his smiles. It actually made him feel a little warm inside. He was happy that Flynn was happy. And knew the feeling was likely mutual. It was a gift that kept on giving - and not ironically.

 

The gila eventually scoffed and tried to look annoyed. “That’s because she’s nice to ya. Anyway, I’m gonna take a shower. Wish me luck.”

 

TJ gave him both thumbs up. “I’ll get my clothes, change the sheets and wait until you’re done.”

 

“Mkay.” With that, Flynn left and TJ got out of bed, fishing for his baby-blue boxer briefs and bringing it to eye level. He did not like the nearly-imperceptible dry patch that formed on the front. Likely from all the pre he leaked into it. The lynx took a brief sniff of the air over it.

 

_Yep. Definitely his pre._

 

Another idle thought crossed the young lynx: If he knew he would be having his first time yesterday, he would have worn better underpants. Even if it meant he’d likely ruin it with a spot on the crotch as well.

 

When TJ left his bedroom - wearing the same outfit as the previous day, while balancing his clean clothes on one arm, and holding his dirty bedclothes underneath another, he took a tentative look around before walking into the living room, trying his best to look like as if nothing had happened.

 

“Good morning, TJ.” Jenna’s tone was dry. TJ forced a smile and had to force his ears up - the will to splay them was strong.

 

“Hey, Jenna! Good morning to you too.” The lynx made sure to try and present an extra-cute smile.

 

“Hm,” was all Jenna said before picking a small mug with some warm tea - TJ could tell from the smell wafting from it. She took a long sip, before putting it down.

 

The fennec looked like she was about to fall asleep at any moment. She raised one eyebrow at him.

 

“I suppose you did not read my message.”

 

Now TJ’s ears drooped and his smile faltered. “Uhm, not until today morning.”

 

“Hm. I should’ve known.”

 

Tobias felt a little bad for making his friend upset. “Sorry.”

 

Jenna’s ears perked up and she looked genuinely confused. “For what? I’m happy for you,” the vixen briefly flashed a tired smile, “well, as happy as I can be, with only three hours of sleep…” she mumbled.

 

“So, uhm, thanks for being happy… for me?” TJ was confused.

 

Jenna smiled again and took another sip of her tea. “Believe it or not, I’m happy for both of you. But, tell me… did you really want to do it? Was there any problem with it?”

 

TJ knew she still worried about him. The lynx sighed and briefly set up both the dirty bedclothes and his clean clothes on the couch and walked over to the kitchen table, taking a seat.

 

“Yeah… I gave it a lot of thought since New Year and, uhm, I kinda accepted it earlier this week… I didn’t really plan for it to happen yesterday but, uhm… it happened!” The young feline smiled and shrugged innocently. His ears were still slightly droopy, as he did not feel fully comfortable talking about that subject with Jenna - in a way, it felt like she doubted his capacity to make decisions for himself.

 

 _‘Then again,’_ the lynx thought, _‘that would be right in the past.’_

 

Jenna visibly looked relieved and finished her tea, moving to the sink in order to wash the mug.

 

Flynn left the bathroom nearly at the exact moment the fennec was rinsing it. TJ looked at him with curiosity, since the gila only wore jeans when he planned to go out.

 

“Hey, Teej, Carl texted me and asked me to ask if Jenna and ya wanna hang out at my bosses’ place. He plans to make a video on his video games - says they’re retro or vintage or some shit like that.” Flynn shrugged.

 

Jenna’s ears perked up. “Will they be fine with that?”

 

“I hope so." The gila said as he slowly typed on his phone. "We haven’t all hung out like that and just play games in…” _since Echo,_ TJ thought but did not say, “in a while.”

 

“And, to answer your question, Jenna,” Flynn looked down at his phone, “Luiz just answered: He said ‘sure.’”

 

“Well, then I better get ready.” TJ picked both the laundry and his clean change of clothes and passed through Flynn - smiling when the gila’s tail briefly brushed through his thigh on purpose - and went to the bathroom.

 

As the lynx put the dirty laundry in the machine, he wondered when his ears would stop feeling hot whenever Flynn demonstrated affection for him like that. Especially in front of others.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


About a couple of hours later, TJ found himself going upstairs towards Richard and Luiz’s penthouse, the top residence of the Bella Sancti estate. All four of them were carrying Carl’s equipment: a camera, two professional microphones, and other things like the tripod lights and, for some reason, a rolled up green screen that he needed to record his videos.

 

Passing through security without Eleanor was somewhat harder. The horse at the gate did not want to open nor call Luiz to confirm their story. Eventually, Flynn had to call his boss and put the call on speaker so they all could hear his answer.

 

TJ learned two important things that day: The first was that G.A.S. was now gunning for the current security company in charge of Bella Sancti; and the second was how close some Spanish and Brazilian Portuguese curse words were.

 

Now they found themselves knocking at the thick wooden door leading to the older couple’s residence. TJ found it interesting how the place seemed so different during the day. For a place built to look like some kind of pseudo-antique manor, it was discreetly painted in white with clay tiles on the roof. It contrasted wildly with some of the more gaudy insides - mostly in the rooms where Richard spent more time than Luiz.

 

The door opened and there he was, the large tegu. He wore thick sweatpants and an apron. And that was it. He smiled at them and briefly pulled Flynn into a hug against the gila’s will.

 

“Ahahaha! Congratulations, _amigo!”_ He pulled back with a grin, holding Flynn’s face between his hands. The gila scowled. “Aw, don’t be like that, kiddo. We’re all genuinely happy for ya.”

 

Flynn finally pulled away and crossed his arms, frowning at his boss. TJ, however, could see by a twitch at the corners of his mouth that he was struggling to keep that frown.

 

Definitely, TJ made a positive difference in his life. The lynx was happy for that. The more unhappy, bitter Flynn he knew would likely say something rude and make things awkward.

 

TJ was not stupid. Long ago, back in 2017, he had realized that Flynn likely had nothing motivating him to go on other than uncovering the truth of Sydney’s death.

 

He didn’t intend to give (or to be) the gila’s purpose to continue existing. Deep down, he just had hoped to befriend him and show him there were still a few good things in life that made it worth it.

 

Even if TJ had been starting to question the point of going on himself.

 

“Ah, there he is!” Luiz’s voice broke TJ’s thoughts. He looked at the tegu and flashed an awkward smile, ready for whatever embarrassing thing he was about to say.

 

However, the lynx was not prepared when Luiz pulled him into a more gentle hug and patted his back. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. _Y gracias por salvarlo. Especialmente cuando él no quería salvarse a sí mismo. Muito obrigado mesmo.”_

 

He let go and smiled down at the lynx, before moving on to greet Carl and Jenna. As TJ watched him politely shaking Jenna’s paw - and pushing away the weird thought that Luiz could likely fit her or the lynx himself in his stomach - Tobias thought about what the tegu had said.

 

His Spanish was very rusty. But he understood just enough to know what he wanted to say. Might be why the tegu had not used Portuguese instead - except perhaps at the end. He looked at Flynn and the gila was watching him with one raised ridge. TJ decided to smile and shrug, pretending he did not understand anything.

 

“Well,” the tegu clapped his hands, “come in, come in! Don’t mind the smell - I’m baking cheese breads.” TJ considered explaining to the tegu that it would be more usual to say that he was ‘ _making_ cheese breads’, but decided to remain quiet about it, since it was no big deal. 

 

They entered and were greeted by the familiar foyer leading to the living room on their left, with a large flat screen TV and two large leather couches. Down to the corridor, immediately on the left, there was a door of which the faint smell of dough and cheese being baked wafted from and TJ knew it was the kitchen. Luiz excused himself and went on ahead guiding them.

 

The first door on the right was Richard’s office. Quite spacious, considering it had enough space for a couple of bookshelves, an old-style red vanity sofa (TJ tried to not snort as he imagined Richard, in drag, fainting over it), plus a stereo and his desk. There were a few mats discreetly behind the bookshelves and TJ could tell the goat also practiced his dance moves there.

 

The next door on the right was Luiz’s ‘man-cave,’ - with a sign that read just that hanging on the door - right in front of the bathroom (which also contained a laundry machine and a dryer large enough for TJ and Jenna to climb into). The last three doors, two on the left and one on the right, were a guest room, Luiz’s room, and Richard’s room (the last two with its own bathrooms), respectively.

 

“If you’re all wondering why we sleep in separate rooms sometimes…” Luiz grinned. “Why, it’s easy: Rich has his space that he likes to keep his way - which means the entire place is like a fucking museum. I have mine that I like to keep things my way - like a fucking tornado just went through it. It keeps both of us happy and nothing stop us from fucking when we want. I mean…” he led them into his game room. Now during the day, TJ could see a Jukebox on the left corner. It seemed old, but functional. There was also a chalkboard, likely used to keep score on the pool game.

 

The tegu walked to it and picked a piece of chalk. Jenna crossed her arms and briefly exchanged a glance with Flynn, as if asking if his boss was always like that. The gila nodded and she resumed to watch him with clear amusement.

 

“Y’see, this here is me,” Luiz drew a circle with four limbs, a tail and a misshapen head that TJ thought was supposed to be a reptilian one. “And this is _my_ space.”

 

He then drew a large circle around himself.

 

“Now, this is Rich,” the tegu proceeded to draw a stick figure with a circle for a head, with two curved lines representing Richard’s large horns, “and this is _his_ space.” He made another circle, it partially intersecting and overlapping with the one representing the tegu’s space.

 

“See the overlap here?” The tegu pointed at it. “This is the heat of our relationship. Because we’re together, but keep our own space, it gives us that air of ‘Strangers in the Night’.”

 

Jenna couldn’t help but chuckle at the tegu’s ‘lesson.’ “Know what? That kind of makes sense.” 

 

She looked to TJ and Flynn. The lynx assented and the gila just grunted.

 

But it made sense. Might be why, even after they started sleeping together (though before they had slept together in a _different_ way), Flynn would sometimes pick the futon. TJ had to confess there were times he would sleep alone as well.

 

After all, couples were still people; sometimes people required to be alone for a bit.

 

TJ looked at Flynn and the gila looked back. They were thinking the same thing: _Makes sense._

 

“Anyhow, Carl, right?” the tegu patted the ram on the shoulder. “Set your stuff up and I’ll be back to tell ya how to operate the switches.”

 

With that, the tegu walked off. Carl watched him leaving, before turning back to them.

 

“I have to say… I thought my parents were rich. I’m shocked.”

 

“Luiz ain’t rich. He’s well-off,” Flynn said, “Richard, on the other hand…”

 

“They’ve been together for twenty-four years. Might as well be both of them.” TJ thought it was right to point that out. The lizard looked at him and nodded.

 

“Yeah, that’s true. Alright, Carl, how do we set all this shit up?” The gila moved to his friend’s equipment and TJ joined him as Carl explained what they had to do. Making professional vtube videos was surprisingly hard work.

 

Meanwhile, TJ tried to figure why Flynn seemed to be quiet during most of the trip there. It was as if something was making him uncomfortable. Was it because everyone knows they had sex? But he knew Flynn had been rather promiscuous and did not seem to mind it one bit. Did he and his boss have a fight?

 

The lynx sighed and decided to finish the task at hand. Luiz soon came back and started explaining to Carl how to turn each specific console on without having to move the old TV to reconnect the cables.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


By the time they were done, Carl had practically assembled a structure that resembled a bright green shower curtain surrounding himself and most of his equipment. Originally, he tried to insist if any of his friends wanted to take part on the video, but they all declined - what were they going to do anyway? It was just Carl talking about the history of video games and showing a few of the most curious consoles and its games.

 

Flynn decided to take a look around Luiz’s room. He did not hear the sound of TJ’s soft steps coming to his side, but he knew the lynx was approacing from the reflection in the glass on the framed picture he had been looking at.

 

It showed Luiz and Richard when they were young. It seemed to be a party during a Civil Union - the closest thing they had to gay marriage during their youth. They both looked really happy and it was interesting to see that Luiz was once just as well-built as Flynn. The two lovers held champagne glasses and raised them in a toast to the photographer.

 

Eleanor could be seen sitting in a corner, holding a Polaroid camera. It was weird to see her face without the large, messy scar running down her muzzle on the right side. Her headfur was also different, styled in a mohawk.

 

Flynn briefly looked at TJ and the lynx smiled at him. Flynn did not return it, but rubbed the smaller male’s neck, enjoying the feel of the feline’s fur against his fingers. An idle thought came to the gila’s mind, but he pushed it away - it was too early for it.

 

There were other pictures along the wall. Flynn chuckled near-simultaneously with TJ’s gasp when they came across one depicting Richard in drag, wearing a rather revealing outfit. Flynn had to admit that his boss really looked like a woman with makeup on - even if it was exaggerated (as it is usually the case with Drag Queens). Underneath it, a small golden tin plaque read ‘Miss Gay Orlando - 1998’

 

“I knew he liked this kind of stuff, but it’s still so weird to see him like that,” TJ spoke, somewhat embarrassed. 

 

The next ones depicted other moments of their lives: Family reunions; the wedding of Richard’s older brother, John; Eleanor and Luiz in a place that Flynn instantly recognized as the foyer of the Sweatshop; a picture of a slightly younger Luiz smiling brightly while wearing a police uniform - he was already a little overweight, but it was nowhere near his current dimensions. The tegu was still mostly muscle.

 

Eventually, Flynn walked over to a large shelf that appeared to have some VHS tapes. The gila narrowed his eyes as he read the titles and let out a chuckle. He quickly motioned TJ over and wished he had taken a picture of the lynx’s face at what he saw once he started reading the movie titles: ‘The Night of the Fucking Dead,’ ‘Tit-anic,’ ‘The Planet of Donkeys,’ ‘Top Cum,’ amongst other equally pornographic titles.

 

“Some of these are pretty fuckin’ old,” Flynn said as he grabbed one of the movies at random, looking at the pictures on the back of the cover. The actors still sported those odd moustaches that were so popular with canines back then.

 

“I’ve brought snacks!” Luiz announced as he came into the room. The tegu held a large bowl with round, yellow buns from which a faint smell of cheese wafted over, which he then placed on his pool table in the middle of the room. “Cheesebreads! I know there’s not enough for everyone, but I’m going to make more…” He turned around to see Flynn and TJ by the shelf where he kept his old movies and grinned. Tobias looked down sheepishly, his ears splayed, but a hint of a smile appearing on his muzzle.

 

“Hah, I always forget about those. Sometimes, back then, Rich would travel and I’d get lonely. And since cruisin’ back then wasn’t as easy as nowadays, I was forced to, erm, take matters in my own hands. And I was too lazy to leave home anyway.”

 

“There’s internet for that since the late nineties, y’know,” Flynn smirked and shelved the tape back. The tegu shrugged.

 

“Eh, back then, by the time it finished downloadin’ a dick pic, _my_ Dick would be back home.”

 

“Ah,” TJ nodded and smiled, his ears still slightly flushed red at the tegu’s pun with one of Richard’s nicknames. Flynn decided to place a hand on his shoulder and move his tail to gently curl around the lynx’s legs. The effect was nearly immediate and TJ relaxed.

 

“Welp… I’ll go back to the kitchen and bake some more. Have fun, kids.”

 

With that, his boss left again. TJ looked at the cheese breads with interest and Flynn decided that he should give them a try as well.

 

Even Carl took a break from his game video - or whatever it was called - and approached the table alongside Jenna. They each picked one round bun. It was still warm from the oven and it seemed crunchy, but Carl’s squeezing of it showed the interior was pretty soft.

 

The ram took a bite and chewed it slowly, sometimes stopping to lick his lips. Eventually, he licked some of the chewed bread off his teeth - judging by the bulge appearing and disappearing on the ram’s cheek - and swallowed. He smiled.

 

“This is pretty good, actually!”

 

Everyone tried theirs. Flynn liked the taste, though the texture was new to him: Somewhat crunchy on the outside and rubbery like melted cheese and bread on the inside. Still, he was fine with that.

 

Out of them, only Jenna seemed to find it strange, considering her face. She still reached for more like the others. She was probably hungry.

 

Quickly, they made short work of the about twelve small round cheese breads that were in the bowl. Carl walked to one of the two large sofas and took a seat, sighing contently. Flynn raised one ridge.

 

“Not gonna get back to your video?”

 

“Nah, dude. I already said the story of the GeoNeo and SMK. Now I’ll take a break and work on what I’ll include in my gameplay. That console’s awesome, but it just has fighting games.” The ram let out a low hum in thought, “I also need to figure a decent way to capture the screen… oh! Maybe we could play against each other. Or all four of us taking turns!”

 

Flynn crossed his arms. “I’m sure you’d still win, Carl.”

 

The ram grinned. “Maybe. But I’m not used to most of those old games either… who knows?”

 

TJ’s right ear twitched and he moved from his spot by the pool table and places one of his soft paws on Flynn’s arm. “He’s right! Does it matter if he wins? It’s still fun.”

 

“Alright, I’m in.” Flynn conceded and the three of them looked at Jenna, who seemed interested in some of Luiz’s Pinkerton certificates. The fennec turned to face them and her ears splayed.

 

“Hm? Oh, well, I guess so. Who goes first?” She approached them with a hint of smile forming on her lips.

 

They decided it through rock-paper-scissors.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


“Aw, fuckin’ hell.” Flynn grumbled as he put his controller down. Carl laughed as his character stood victorious over the gila’s fallen character. They were playing Coliseum Showdown - basically the best-selling game on that console - and (to no surprise), Carl had been wiping the floor with his friends.

 

The afternoon hours went by and, soon enough, Carl announced they had footage of enough gameplay from both the console’s main games and its most obscure ones. After that, the ram turned off his equipment and stopped filming the game screen and they just enjoyed themselves.

 

During their time free, each of their friends did look around the room. It was clear almost everything in there meant a lot to the owners of the house. Flynn decided to take a good look at his boss’s certificates and found himself amused that Luiz was licensed to be a Private Investigator. Detective work seemed interesting, but the gila himself knew it meant a lot of responsibility and little free time.

 

He looked at TJ, who was across the room, checking a few pictures of his bosses alongside Jenna, and allowed himself to smile. He was good where he was and, soon enough, would start getting paid a lot more just to stand around in a mall.

 

Carl eventually shut everything off and approached them. The four friends sat on the L-shaped couch (TJ obviously taking his seat next to Flynn, Carl sitting on the other side, but a bit more apart), and started chatting about the incoming events in their lives.

 

Jenna was still a little nervous about getting called by the Pueblo Mental Health Institute. Flynn wanted to tell her that they would call, but he didn’t see the point in saying optimistic bullshit just because, so he decided to stay quiet on the subject this time. They did not like how, in the last time, he told them that all she could do is wait and hope for the best.

 

The gila knew he was fucked up in many, many ways. He wasn’t sure if he had changed in the last years or not, but he knew he was trying with all his might.

 

What surprised them the most (except Jenna, of course the fucking nerd would know that), was that Carl had now nine hundred thousand subscribers and was amassing a personal fortune of three million dollars by now. He was also gaining subscribers every single day.

 

“It all happened after this vtuber from Sweden saw one of my videos and invited me to collab on a multiplayer game. I played Battlefield Duty of Honor WWII with that dude and went to bed late. The next day, when I woke up, my channel’s subscribers had gone from ninety-three thousand to seven hundred thousand!”

 

“Huh, why didn’t ya tell me Friday?” Flynn asked.

 

“I wanted to, dude, but I wanted to announce it to all of you!” The ram smiled. Flynn shook his head and let a hint of smirk show in his lips.

 

“When did that happen?” TJ asked, his ears perked up in excitement.

 

“Oh? Uhm,” the ram rubbed his shaggy beard in thought, “I think that was two weeks ago. Yep. I think I’ll have one million subscribers by Sunday. I’m glad your boss has these old and obscure consoles. Gaming’s fun and all, but a vtuber needs to come with new stuff or they lose views, y’know?”

 

“Look at you; talking as if you were runnin’ a fuckin’ business.” Flynn grinned. Carl looked at him with a deadpan expression.

 

“This is a business, Flynn,” he retorted in an equally deadpan tone, “and it’s something I found out I liked doin’. And I’m good at it!”

 

The gila nodded. “I’m happy for ya, Carl.” He meant it.

 

For some time, he had been worried about his friend’s future. Sure, his parents were rich, but that did not mean much in the long run. Even when Carl started making a lot of money every month, Flynn had worried about him - until that very morning.

 

When the ram started loading some expensive-looking equipment in the back of Flynn’s truck, and brought a script along with him (which he had patiently sat, read and re-wrote while his friends were assembling his stuff for him), Flynn then realized how seriously he took it. And how it was, indeed, a legitimate job.

 

He had even asked Jenna for suggestions about how to attract more people, basing on her knowledge of psychology. While some of her suggestions were a little too complicated, the ram did take notes for his future videos. Ultimately, she told him to not change his ways, since his viewers clearly liked him as he was.

 

It felt good being at ease with his friends. And not having a fight with Jenna… usually over TJ or Carl. Flynn looked down at TJ and, taking advantage that his left arm was already draped over the backrest of the couch, stretched it a little so the tips of his fingers could gently stroke the lynx’s head. TJ’s ears splayed a little, before perking up and he looked up at Flynn with a smile, before leaning on him. The gila wrapped his arm around the younger man - and his tail around one of his legs.

 

“This reminds me of the old times,” TJ eventually said, a tone of longing in his voice. “When we used to hang out at Carl’s.”

 

“Yeah…” Carl responded, “if we had all of us here, then it’d be just like that.”

 

Immediately, the ram looked distressed at what he had said. TJ blinked and his ears drooped low. Jenna avoided meeting their gaze, her own large ears struggling to stay up straight. Flynn, on the other hand, just felt bad in his stomach.

 

Things would never be as they were. Even if Leo were there, chances are he would want to drag that muskshit to their hangouts and make things more awkward.

 

TJ pulled from Flynn with a sigh and rubbed his arm, looking at him, then down at the ground. He was likely thinking about the events at the lake.

 

Just like everyone else in that room, really.

 

It felt like years before someone broke the silence. Unsurprisingly, it was TJ:

 

“So… how’s college?” He asked Carl, forcing up a smile.

 

“Ah, well, I’m practically graduated. I could miss all classes if I wanted by now.” The ram beamed with pride. “It seems I’m making something out of myself.”

 

“I’m proud of ya,” Flynn said. Both Carl and Jenna looked at him with surprise - it wasn’t really something they expected him to say.

 

But he had taken the older lizard’s advice to heart: To be as honest with his positive feelings as he was with his negative ones.

 

“That’s nice! Will you go to the graduation ceremony?”

 

Carl now sighed. “Yeah… I hate those events, but I kinda have to,” the chubby ram shrugged. Flynn knew then that his friend would either be high _for_ the event or smoke a blunt afterwards. Carl still relied on weed to cope with his anxiety.

 

Flynn personally did not like or condone that behavior. But, back when he had started talking with his boss, Luiz had shown amusement at it and said that it was healthier than the alternatives. The gila begrudgingly agreed - Carl could be doing coke.

 

The ram appeared to be less anxious as of late, however, probably both because of his own therapy and the fact he was doing something that he enjoyed.

 

Which reminded Flynn of something: What did he enjoy doing? Besides sex, he liked hanging out with Carl and, recently, Jenna and TJ. But they wouldn’t be always available (if anything, now each of them had their careers, these moments were rare). He liked hunting, but couldn’t do it by now (and it was, frankly, growing stale even back in Echo - though he still liked hearing the news about it). Lastly, he liked fishing, but it was a pain in the ass to get anywhere decent for that in Pueblo.

 

That and he could tell TJ was bored to death by it. The lynx also felt bad because the fish they did get had to die by not breathing. Flynn had to mercy-kill them by beheading that day, since his boyfriend seemed really upset at that.

 

Ironic, considering that the young lizard had also nearly died that way, but underwater in his case. That thought made Flynn’s lips feel dry. It reminded him of an issue he had forgotten with his worry about, well, first not falling in love - to then his worry to have TJ return the feeling.

 

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” TJ said and got up, walking outside the room. Flynn heard the bathroom door opening and closing.

 

“I think I’ll go see what the old man is up to,” the gila announced and, before anyone gave any answer, he walked out, then made his way to the kitchen.

 

Luiz was busy getting more ingredients for whatever he had been making. Flynn approached him and the tegu stopped, looking at him with his hands on his waist - as he always did when someone approached him without a word. Flynn now could see that his black apron read ‘KISS THE COOK’, but someone (likely Luiz himself) had vandalized one of the white ‘O’ letters with a black marker, turning it into ‘KISS THE COCK’. The gila let out a brief chuckle, before deciding to come clear with what he was meaning to ask someone - anyone - who would not judge the question:

 

“Luiz… ever feel like ya should’ve died somewhere? I mean, not in a suicidal ‘I wish I died’ way… I mean as in… how the fuck do I say this…” Flynn rubbed the spines in the back of his head, trying to find a word, “I mean, when you feel like it was meant to be?”

 

“Like somethin’ interfered?” Luiz raised one scaly ridge, now leaning on the counter with one of his flour-covered elbows.

 

“Yeah, I s’pose.”

 

The tegu took a deep breath and straightened himself up. It was a rare sight to see him nervous and unsure and, briefly, Flynn considered telling him to forget it. But he really needed to know. Asking TJ would make him feel guilty and Jenna or Carl would think he meant that he wanted to die.

 

Eventually, the tegu went to the sink and washed his hands, then went to a cabinet and fetched a bottle of whiskey, two glasses, and ice from the fridge. Flynn knew he would tell something about his past - the tegu never spoke about how things were in his home country without, at least, holding a glass of booze.

 

As the older lizard poured the drink, he spoke:

 

“Back in Santo André, when they… they killed my friend, I decided to take revenge. You know that and know I did it - which is why I left the country in the first place. Anyway… heh… I was eighteen. I had never shot a gun before. I let the small-time dealer who had José killed know I wanted to tell him where he stashed even more cash and… merchandise that he had stolen.”

 

“As they knew I was an young faggot, they didn’t see me as a threat. Fuck, _I_ wouldn’t see me as a threat. I… he arranged a meeting in this shack owned by one of his enforcers. A burly ox in his mid-thirties - a rare thing for criminals then - who had some Uzi knockoff with him. Meanwhile, I had a thirty-eight snubnose. We sat down and, first, I had to take insult after insult while I pretended to wanna work for them. Eventually, they felt at ease - I had given them a lot of _my_ money pretending it was from Zé’s stash. That put them at ease and his bodyguard decided to go to the bathroom then. Once I realized he was taking a dump - easy, considering how shoddy a _favela_ ’s shack tended to be then, the smell was soon killing us.” The tegu chuckled and took a long drink straight from the bottle.

 

He then put it down and sighed, wiping his maw with the back of his hand. “Where was I? Oh, yeah… so I figured it would be my time. The bathroom was… pretend you’re me and I’m the dealer. You’re facing me. The bathroom is where the corridor to your right is, but slightly behind ya. I was aware it meant I’d likely be riddled after shootin’. And made my peace with that - I was scared, but I was okay with that.”

 

“I fired twice. My hands were shakin’... I hit the dealer once, in the throat, then on the chest, right below the sternum. Dropped the cat then and there…” Luiz’s gaze was distant, what Flynn knew the soldiers called ‘the thousand-yard stare’.

 

Eventually, the tegu looked back at Flynn. “They never tell ya how people piss and shit themselves when they die. Anyways… I was terrified now, because the bathroom door opened and I hoped that the ox would at least shoot me. Ya don’t wanna get captured by the guys from the Cartels, I’m tellin’ ya. But, despite being armed and with his pants up, he seemed terrified himself.”

 

Flynn reminded how he felt control over his bladder loosening when he was losing consciousness. The tegu continued:

 

“He was a hardened criminal. He looked at me as if I suddenly was a bigger threat than he was. He hesitated. It all happened as if in slow-motion, but didn’t last more than a second or two. He hesitated long enough, that I could turn around and unload the four rounds left in my gun. Again, two caught him in the chest, and one grazed his right arm. He fell to the floor whimpering and I ran. I ran through the dense vegetation around the shack - even when I stepped on a wasp’s nest, I kept runnin’. I ran until my paws couldn’t run anymore. I think I ended up in Paranapiacaba or somethin’.”

 

“My point is… I should’ve died there. There was no reason why his guard shouldn’t have shot me right then and there. I… I gave it a lot of thought for years. At first, I thought he was scared because his boss was dead. But he wasn’t lookin’ at his dyin’ boss. His eyes were locked on me.”

 

He met Flynn’s gaze. “But… it was as if he were looking _through_ me. As if somethin’ suddenly terrified that killer’s heart. I dunno what it was… but all the rest; the times I escaped the law going up north-west until I went to Peru… my times fighting against the Peruvian military… the times I evaded the law there and in Mexico… that was all luck. But that one time. That one time I _knew_ I was supposed to have died. At least, I feel that.”

 

Luiz now licked his lips. Flynn himself swallowed hard - his mind playing the events at Lake Emma in detail. He should have died then, but didn’t.

 

It also did not escape the gila how he did not feel bothered in the least that his boss had done in people before. There was a time it would put him off slightly - even if he knew he would have to kill people if he ever joined the military - but, by that point, the gila had went through so much, that he knew how to take all that information well enough. That and he did not perceive his boss as a threat.

 

If anything, he seemed to be doing his fucking best to be a good man. Just like Flynn himself, the younger lizard noticed. Luiz’s words brought Flynn back to the conversation:

 

“They say to not look a gift horse in the mouth. That’s what I do, Flynn. We’re alive. We’re better off than either of us ever hoped to be. Let’s just be thankful to what we have and let the bad shit in the past die - it shaped us as who we are and how we are now, yes. But, trust me _amigo,_ let’s enjoy our present - the past is only for historians, museums and archeologists.”

 

The tegu said that with confidence, but Flynn noticed his trembling hand as he raised his glass to his lips and quickly drained its contents. Flynn did the same, feeling uneasy himself. The burning feeling of the alcohol going down his throat calmed down his nerves a little.

 

He would try to do that: Enjoy the present. He looked back at the tegu, who seemed lost in thought now, his stare still distant. In a few ways, Luiz reminded Flynn of his uncle - except that the tegu had the polar opposite political leaning, judging by the massive Soviet flag hanging in his gaming room and his tendency to believe in crazy political conspiracies. Flynn thought about when his uncle taught him to hunt and to fish.

 

“Luiz, I… y’know I like to cook, right?”

 

“Hm?” The tegu looked at him, his eye ridge raised again, before smiling. “Yeah, yeah, why?”

 

“Well… I was thinkin’... I don’t really have many hobbies. I can’t hunt, and fishin’ alone isn’t really as good as it used to be.”

 

The tegu scoffed. “Understatement of the fucking century. Flynn, no offense, but… ya don’t game. You don’t do drugs. You don’t smoke anymore - wise choice, by the way. You don’t listen to music. You don’t watch films often. You don’t read. Thank fucking god you actually have sex, otherwise I’d name ya the most boring person in the fucking globe!” Luiz laughed.

 

The gila crossed his arms and scowled at his boss. It wasn’t because of the insult itself, but because it hit rather close home.

 

Because he had been dedicated to uncovering what had happened to Sydney. It had occupied most of his thoughts. Luiz eventually stopped laughing and raised up a hand.

 

“I’m sorry, I know you have your issues and all, but that’s true… anyways, lemme guess: Ya wanna learn how to bake?”

 

The gila shrugged, as if trying to pretend it was not a big deal. “Sure.”

 

His boss put his fists on his waist again and tilted his head to glare at him. Flynn sighed. “Alright - can ya teach me to bake? Is that good enough for ya?”

 

Luiz snorted and waved him to come around. “Richard should be home in about… three to four hours, so I’m makin’ more of these cheese breads for him. Might as well have you make it. So if he doesn’t like it, he will take that hostility on ya at work.”

 

“Shit, thanks, Luiz. That doesn’t put any fuckin’ pressure on me at all.”

 

“Stop whining and c’mere.” Luiz gestured to Flynn to go around the counter and enter the kitchen. Just as the gila started doing so, his friends and TJ made their way to the living room.

 

“Before any of you ask, I’m teachin’ Flynn to bake.” Luiz smiled. 

 

His boss indicated they could use his TV and turned his attention back to Flynn.

 

“Alright, Flynn, did ya clean your hands?”

 

“Yeah. Just washed ‘em.”

 

“Alright,” the tegu took Flynn to the ingredients, “I’ve sort of adapted it to the tastes of you squares up here, hence all the spices. Usually, we just go for the cheese and the dough. Anyways, get some grated parmesan - about two hundred ‘n’ twenty-five grams is good - and put it in the processor there with those two whole eggs - minus the shell, of course - _and_ the two yolks I separated. Blend ‘em ‘till ya have some homogeneous paste. It should last a minute or so.”

 

Flynn automatically started working on it.  That seemed easy enough - even though he wanted to tell his boss to go fuck himself once he mentioned the eggshells part. The gila wasn’t a retard.

 

“Good, good… alright, there, you see the measuring cup. Get some other two hundred ‘n’ twenty-five grams of the sour manioc starch. Then get some-” his boss looked at TJ, who seemed to be frantically writing on one of the white pages of the small notepad Carl had brought with him. “Are ya writing what I’m sayin’?”

 

TJ stopped and his ears drooped a little. “No, no, continue!” The lynx smiled and nodded.

 

“Where was I… oh, yeah, the starch! Anyways, now get one hundred ‘n’ thirty grams of sweet manioc starch and two teaspoons of salt. Mix ‘em all in a bowl of that electric mixer. But don’t turn it on yet. Now…” the tegu picked up a saucepan that appeared to be recently washed and waved Flynn to come over.

 

“Get one hundred ‘n’ twenty-five milliliters of milk, the same amount of water, an’ some ninety milliliters of olive oil and put ‘em all in this saucepan. Then we bring it to boil. Oh! And we have to keep in mind that, before we get to bake it, we have to leave the oven heated at around one hundred ‘n’ eighty degrees celsius-”

 

“And what’s that in Fahrenheit?” Flynn asked.

 

They all looked at TJ and Jenna. Jenna furrowed her brow and shifted her attention from that ‘anime’ shit she had been watching with Carl to them, deeply in thought. TJ took the easy route and fished his phone out of his pants.

 

The first to speak was Jenna: “I think it’s around… three hundred and twenty?”

 

TJ then piped in: “Three hundred and fifty, according to the calculator.”

 

“Three hundred ‘n’ fifty it is,” Luiz announced while clapping his hands. “Anyways, have to leave this thing heated-”

 

“Isn’t it ‘preheated’?” Carl asked.

 

“Technically, yeah. But an oven exists in two states: Heated and unheated. ‘Preheated’ is being heated before being heated? Just say the oven’s fucking heated already!” Luiz said in mock-frustration and they all chuckled.

 

“Can we go back to the lesson?” Flynn asked with a hint of annoyance in his tone.

 

“Ah, sure. We were on the boiling the liquids… and good distraction - now they’re boiled, pour ‘em on the starch and salt mixture. Good… now turn the mixer in low speed and mix it all ‘till the entire mixture becomes a smooth dough, with all the starch homogeneously incorporated in it.”

 

Flynn had to admit it kinda calmed him, to hear the familiar sounds of blenders, processors and mixers. He could have tried to be a chef, but he knew that he would not like the pressure to please restaurant patrons.

 

It was much better to cook for his friends. And doubly so for TJ. He briefly stole a glance at the lynx and found TJ watching him with a smile. Flynn smiled back and winked at him, causing TJ to narrow his shoulders a little, looking embarrassed.

 

After about two or three minutes mixing it, Flynn decided the dough looked good. His boss nodded at his work.

 

“Alright. Now pause the mixer and add the cheese ‘n’ eggs mixture you made. Add a pinch of ground nutmeg, cayenne pepper, an’ black pepper. Good, good… now turn the mixer on at low speed again an’ mix the entire thing ‘till it turns a pale yellow. It should be from between ten to fifteen minutes. You’ll know when it becomes yellow, homogenous, and the dough is moist and sticky like two lovers after they fuck late into the night.”

 

Flynn almost put his thumb into the bowl by accident and TJ now stared at Luiz with eyes open like saucers and mouth agape. The tegu looked at Tobias and pretended to be clueless with a ‘what?’

 

TJ blinked and continued writing down. Flynn stole another glance at him and could tell the lynx was blushing beneath his fur. He glared at Luiz again, but the tegu held a shit-eating grin and, of course, there was nothing that could be done. He knew his boss did not joke with people if he saw he was going too far.

 

Keeping his focus on his current task, Flynn had to admit the smell of cheese that started wafting from the dough made his mouth water. Maybe he was hungrier than he had thought.

 

His boss leaned back against the counter, half-sitting on it, and picked one apple from a nearby fruit bowl, giving it a bite. “Alright, good, good,” he spoke while still chewing the apple, having shifted the chewed fruit to one of the sides of his mouth so he could talk. Flynn turned off the mixer and watched Luiz finish chewing and swallow.

 

“Alright. Now take the bowl with the mixture - it’s fine, it saves the trouble of washing another bowl - and cover it with that plastic thingy.”

 

“Cling film,” Flynn said.

 

“Yeah, that. Cover it and leave it be for two hours in the refrigerator. Let’s go watch TV or whatever, just remember me to turn the oven on a little before we get it.”

 

“Alright,” Flynn washed his hands, followed by his boss. Luiz noticed him looking at the fruit bowl and nodded at him, letting him pick anything he liked. The gila decided to go for a peach. Luckly, Carl seemed to be distracted while discussing with Jenna this or that on the japanese cartoon they were watching.

 

TJ, on the other hand, saw it, but did not appear to react in the slightest. Good thing the lynx did not have a dirty mind.

 

Only that, when Flynn took his seat on the stool right next to TJ’s, he could tell the lynx seemed to be blushing. Maybe he did have some dirty thoughts.

 

Flynn resisted the urge to chuckle. This was going to be fun. He raised his tail and gently curled it around the lynx, making TJ look at him and smile.

 

The young lizard decided, then and there, that he would do his best to get over his past and lead a better life. Not just for his sake, but for Toby’s as well.

 

His victim, his savior, his friend, and his lover.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


TJ was amazed at how, sometime during the two hours they waited for the dough to be done, Jenna and Luiz managed to get into a spirited talk about the Stanford Prison Experiment.

 

It all started because, while surfing through channels, they ended up landing in one that showed a movie based off these events (very loosely so), and Luiz commented they should do that experiment again.

 

Ethics aside, Jenna seemed to enjoy finding someone that shared her interest in finding out how people acted the way they did. The conversation now shifted towards what made people good or evil, eventually ending in the old ‘nature versus nurture’ debate.

 

Jenna concluded that it all was more complicated than that, in the end. There were unambiguously evil people in history that did good things once in a while - and vice-versa. The topic made TJ look at Flynn and think about their roles in the mess that had happened at the Lake Emma.

 

Each of them were terribly guilty of something. But the lynx did not think either of them were truly evil. He had given some thought about it even during the time Flynn had been missing.

 

The gila had dragged him to the lake by force. _Kidnapped_ would be the appropriate description. Despite everything, TJ would never imagine he would be capable of that. Flynn appeared to prefer avoiding any direct confrontation.

 

He seemed genuinely sorry later. Both when he was in the hospital and that day, when they talked about that same subject. TJ forgave him… he genuinely did so. And it wasn’t just for Flynn’s sake, but for his own: The lynx did not want to live with that grudge. Especially when, no matter how he put it, it all led to the fact he had hidden who had killed Sydney.

 

TJ briefly looked at Carl. The limp was practically gone, but he thought about the secret he kept, the time he hurt the ram, and the fact he knew he would keep Flynn’s death another secret, had something not compelled him to rush into the lake.

 

He rubbed his arm. Yeah… like Flynn, Tobias wasn’t an evil person. But he was also guilty as hell… and Flynn also forgave him. It removed a massive weight off of TJ’s shoulders.

 

Chase, on the other hand, was still the awkward problem. He did not hate Chase. He couldn’t do it. He did not resent the otter either. If anything, when TJ thought of him, all he felt was regret and awkwardness. Chase made him uncomfortable, but not in the way he did Flynn or Carl.

 

He once talked to Jenna about it, only to find out her feelings were more or less the same. They did keep contact with Chase for a few months after the whole thing, but it was so overwhelmingly awkward they slowly drifted apart.

 

“Alright, let’s go get the dough,” Luiz announced. TJ’s ears perked up and he went back to his sit by the counter separating the kitchen from the living room, picking the pen he left by the notepad. Flynn himself followed Luiz to the kitchen and retrieved the cold dough.

 

“Alright, Flynn, now you see that ice cream scooper lyin’ on the counter, next to your beautiful _lince?_ Get it. I’ll line up this baking sheet with baking paper in the meanwhile.” Flynn arched his ridges at TJ, who smiled and shrugged in response, indicating he did not mind Luiz. The lynx’s boyfriend smiled and nodded in return.

 

“The scooper is a good way to measure portions. Anyways, either wet your hands with olive oil or flour when with the manioc starch. And make small one inch balls rollin’ them in your hands like this,” Luiz showed Flynn, who imitated him. “Then place on the baking sheet about two inches apart from each other. You can also freeze ‘em like this in a ziplock bag for about three months or so. Anyways, now that you lined the tray with ‘em, put ‘em in the oven and now we wait from anythin’ between ten to twenty minutes. Usually fifteen is fine. We wanna them to get golden-brown. Put them on a bowl or basket lined with napkins and serve ‘em straight from the oven. And that’s that!”

 

It amused TJ just how easy it all seemed. He finished writing and watched Flynn doing as instructed. It was also interesting for the young man how much the gila seemed to enjoy that kind of activity. Whenever Flynn made something in the kitchen, it was like he would get lost in his own world, and he would get completely dedicated to the task at hand.

 

Might be why his food tasted so great. Even when using cheap ingredients. And they appeared to taste even better since their date. TJ wondered if it might be because Flynn started doing it out of love… maybe?

 

Luiz was now congratulating Flynn and offering to write and give him a book with recipes he learned during his time as a baker’s apprentice. It puzzled the lynx briefly, before he remembered Flynn telling him about his boss’ past: Luiz used to be a baker’s apprentice during his teenage years. It appeared he liked that job.

 

 _Yet another person with a broken dream,_ TJ realized, though he could tell the tegu seemed happy still.

 

They heard the telltale sounds of loud music blaring out of a car’s stereo approaching. Judging by the fact it was ‘Shut Up, and Drive’, it was obvious Richard was arriving.

 

Sure enough, as soon as the sound was at its loudest, it suddenly cut off. Only a couple of minutes later, TJ’s ears twitched with the sound of someone unlocking the front door. It opened slowly and in walked Richard Maitland, carrying a small folder underneath his right arm, looking tired. He wore his work outfit, but with a dark gray suit clearly tailored to him (though now carelessly open, instead of hugging the ibex goat’s feminine frame).

 

The goat looked surprised for a split-second, before smiling slightly. “Good evening, Tobias. Mr. Moore,” he nodded at them. Richard walked to the hardwood floor between the living room and the kitchen and briefly looked at Carl and Jenna.

 

“Mr. Hendricks. Jenna.” He nodded at them, and turned around in time to be glomped by Luiz. It was only then where the goat chuckled, placed his folder over the counter (which TJ had to adjust so it wouldn’t slide off and fall on the floor), and returned the hug.

 

To say they kissed would be an understatement. One of Luiz’s hands drifted down and groped Richard’s butt while they started making out. TJ’s ears felt on fire again and the lynx swallowed, briefly exchanging a glance with Flynn. The gila scoffed and smirked, then wrapped his arms around TJ from behind and leaned the lynx’s head against his stomach.

 

The older couple then broke their makeout and smiled at each other, before also breaking off from their embrace. “How’s work?” Luiz asked.

 

“Same old, same old. Had to go to Denver myself this time. I really need a better manager than that frigging Mormon…”

 

“Huh, Flynn’s parents were LDS.” Carl piped in. Now Flynn’s bosses looked at him with surprise.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Richard started. The gila let out a dry chuckle and shook his head. “It’s alright.”

 

“I was arrested for indecent exposure thanks to two Mormons before,” Luiz chimed in now.

 

“I know I might regret askin’ this, but how the fuck did ya do that?” Flynn said.

 

“Well… I was mindin’ my own business in the place he had rented for a few months when he had business in Utah. Then two missionary fucks saw fit to disturb my peace. Rich was away and I was horny.”

 

“So you… exposed yourself to them got arrested?” TJ asked, his ears on fire.

 

“What? No! They got arrested alongside me! Y’see, they looked kinda cute, so I chatted with ‘em for a few minutes and, eventually, I told ‘em to come in and close the door. Turns out the braindead idiots were afraid I would rob or kill ‘em and left it open. They forgot about it by the time I managed to convince ‘em to get out of their ridiculous outfits, so when we were havin’ a threesome on the floor, right in the view of the street, this stupid old lady saw it and screeched like a harpy.”

 

Everyone went silent. TJ was trying to not imagine that series of events. Despite feeling awkward, the story still made his loins stirr.

 

“And how in the fuck didja convince two missionaries to fuck ya?” Flynn was clearly incredulous. His boss grinned.

 

“You saw how I looked like in my thirties. I’m also a pretty smooth talker… besides, everyone in that shithole knew we were gay and that Rich was away for a meeting with a local businessman. Chances are that pair was actually _hoping_ for a romping.”

 

“I… see…” Flynn said.

 

“Heh, know, his work uniform back in Echo kinda looked like the outfits those guys wear.” Carl spoke. “And he wore that during his free time, too.”

 

Before anyone could mock him, Richard cleared his throat. “I have done that before. So did Lulu. Sometimes… life takes a toll on us and we forget to groom ourselves, or change once we get home. I don’t blame Flynn - I’ve been there before.” He shrugged.

 

Flynn seemed surprised to see Richard openly siding with him. That did not escape TJ.

 

The goat then moved to the kitchen and picked two of the cheese bread buns Flynn had made, then started eating one.

 

“Hm. Hmm… thanks for these, by the way,” he told Luiz. The tegu grinned.

 

“Flynn made these. I was showin’ him.”

 

Richard swallowed and looked at the tall gila in question. “Is that so? Well, thank you very much, Flynn.”

 

TJ felt Flynn’s arms unwrap from around him. The gila shrugged. “You’re welcome.”

 

“So, did you and your friends have fun this afternoon?” TJ knew it was directed at him. The lynx smiled and nodded.

 

“Carl recorded a video about one of Luiz’s old consoles. Then we just… chatted and all.” TJ would not mention the picture he saw of Richard in drag after winning a contest.

 

Unfortunately, Carl was not so shy. “Hey, Richard, is it true you wanted to be a Drag Queen?”

 

Instead of the expected frown, the goat chuckled and adjusted his glasses. “Yeah… I did for a while. Even won a contest once. But I wasn’t really cut for the thing. Besides… I had to look over my part of the business… I’m sure you understand.”

 

The ram nodded and TJ thought that Carl might understand that better than Richard could ever imagine.

 

“Sorry to hear that, dude,” Carl finally responded, “my old folks tried to groom me to do that, but I, uh, really suck at it.”

 

Richard was now finish to eat the second cheese bread he had. He dusted his paws and entered the living room. “I wouldn’t say that. Everyone’s good at something, that’s what life taught me. Now, if that something is profitable… that’s another story.” He shrugged. “I quit Drag because I wanted to. I knew I would not be able to dedicate myself to it _and_ the business _and_ Lulu. It’s about the same reason I didn’t adopt, despite Lulu wanting it back then.”

 

All faces now turned to Luiz. TJ couldn’t stop himself from looking at the tegu, then at Flynn. Was ‘back then’ when they were in their twenties? If so, it made sense.

 

The tegu in question shrugged. “Eh, Rich’s not fond of kids anyway. I got over it.”

 

 _‘Did he?’_ TJ thought in doubt. He briefly looked at Jenna, who appeared to be about to speak.

 

“Do you think that influenced your relationship with Flynn?” She finally asked. Flynn scowled at the fennec, but it was a bit late to take it back now. Luiz, on the other hand, just shrugged.

 

“Eh, not really. I prefer to think of it as an intergenerational friendship. Or a master-apprentice one. Like I’m Mr. Miyagi and he’s Daniel-san. Learnin’ to kick ass to keep the skaters away from the parking lot.”

 

They all chuckled. All except Jenna and Flynn: The fennec seemed to think about the tegu’s answer and, ultimately, assented with a nod of her head. Flynn, on the other hand, showed to TJ just how detached from pop culture he was, and was now asking his boss about who the people he mentioned were and, when Luiz started explaining, TJ noticed how it dawned on the gila - Flynn seemed to be so detached from pop culture that most references flew over his head - in that case, Karate Kid was one of the movies Flynn had watched but didn’t remember the title.

 

“Wasn’t Mr. Miyagi sort of a father figure to Daniel-san?” Carl asked Jenna in a low voice. The fennec grinned, but said nothing. Fortunately, Flynn appeared to not hear that.

 

Richard cleared his throat again. “I am curious: have any of you touched the jukebox.”

 

The four young adults looked at each other with some worry. They all did, though they hadn’t played anything on it - it would mess with Carl’s recording.

 

“Well, that’s the first time nobody sees if it still works. It does.”

 

“I’ve always wanted to see one of those up close,” TJ said, “I just saw them in movies before… can we…?” TJ did not finish the question, but Richard caught it anyway.

 

“Yes. The coin tray is unlocked, so you can retrieve your coins. Have fun.”

 

The lynx got up and walked back to Luiz’s game room. It was silly, he knew, but he wanted to play with the old jukebox.

 

Soon enough, he found himself facing the old device. It seemed well-kept, despite showing its age, with things like the slightly yellowed hue its paint had acquired with the years. The song names were written on paper with a sharpie.

 

Flynn, Jenna and Carl had followed him and they were trying to see if they could recognize any song, but no dice: Almost all of them were from before they were born.

 

The gila eventually produced the right coin and put it into the machine’s slot. TJ selected one song at random - it was named _‘I Got You Babe’_ \- and pressed the button.

 

TJ’s ears moved with the small clicks and noises coming from the device, as its mechanisms retrieved the right disc and put it on play. He felt like a kid again.

 

And, so, the song he selected started to play. As usual, he did not know it, but Jenna quickly recognized one of the singers, a woman.

 

“That’s Cher!” the fennec said.

 

The song echoed through the game room and the rest of the house. Both of its residents quickly came to see them, Richard leaning over Luiz’s large frame, both smiling fondly.

 

“I love this song…” Richard said, his expression and tone carried a hint of nostalgia. The goat started humming the lyrics.

 

“This was our song,” Luiz clarified. “Back in ninety-five, we went to this really shitty gay bar during our free time. We were just fuckbuddies then. But we really liked each other… mostly.”

 

Richard saw fit to tell the tale: “This was their jukebox. When the place closed down in ninety-eight, I rushed to buy it. I remember we were on sort of a date then, and someone put on this song to play. I managed to convince him to dance with me… we got lost looking into each other’s eyes… and it was then we realized we were falling in love. We had an… ‘arrangement’ before. It was meant to be without attachment, until he got on his feet and then he’d move north.”

 

By now, the tegu had walked towards the chair that was used to play video games and sat on it with a sigh. He turned it to face them. “Know, I wasn’t much to dance. I mean, I can dance, but I didn’t want to. But there was somethin’ that day… Rich was always beautiful… but he seemed even better that day. You guys should’ve seen how happy he looked when we danced… and it was when the original plan to use him as a friendly, sexy meal ticket went down the drain. Hard to move to Canada - or anywhere - when home’s where my Richard is.”

 

Richard chuckled at that, before he and Luiz smiled at each other, TJ was starting to find it genuinely adorable.

 

“We danced ‘till my hooves hurt that night,” Richard finished. He covered the distance between Luiz and him with long strides and took the tegu’s face in his paws, planting a kiss on his lips. The older couple started to dance close, like some kind of waltz, to the song.

 

TJ looked up at Flynn and found the gila was looking down at him. He did not know about Flynn, but TJ had immersed himself on the lyrics of the song and the world around him was forgotten. The gila leaned down and Tobias craned his neck up, before their muzzles connected in a kiss as well.

 

“D’awwww… it almost makes up for keeping me awake,” Jenna chuckled. Instantly, Carl started laughing. Flynn and TJ separated.

 

“Fuck you, Jenna.” Flynn deadpanned at her, but she returned his insult with a wry smile, and the gila snorted and smiled back.

 

They started talking about various different topics soon enough.

 

That day, TJ learned that Carl’s career in vtube started by accident: He was high and decided to record himself playing Papercraft, then uploaded the video. The next day, he found out that, out of the eight hundred-something people who watched it, only seven disliked it. There were comments asking him to make more, and the ram decided to oblige during his free time, eventually playing horror games. People shared his videos, the number subscribers doubled, then tripled, and before he knew it, he was enjoying to do that.

 

“Best shit I’ve ever done,” Carl finished his short tale with a grin.

 

Speaking of that, Flynn lightly scolded Carl for his claims that he had been into scat. The gila said he just wouldn’t whack ram in the balls with his tail because that meant the young lizard would have to get up from where he had been sitting with TJ. Luiz, in an attempt to cut the tension, said that he wouldn’t judge if Flynn were ‘into that shit’, promptly mentioning Richard had been into something called _‘ABDL’_ for years.

 

Whatever it was, both Flynn, Carl and Jenna looked at the ibex goat in shock and amusement. Richard’s only answer was to prod at Luiz’s belly, right over where the tegu’s internal testicles were. Luiz oofed and recoiled, his hand rubbing the offended area, but then he chuckled it off - he likely had a lot of padding and muscle to protect him.

 

It was getting late and, after talking some more, they had to leave. TJ enjoyed getting to see an older gay couple’s memories and how long they lasted. It comforted him and made him feel good about his own future.

 

He had learned a lot in the past three years or so. Both from advice and from observation. That day, TJ felt inspired and invigorated enough: He wanted to create his own memories with Flynn.

 

The lynx recalled when Richard told him about their brief break-up, their fights, or even the horrible things both of them had done in their past. If they conquered that, TJ knew he and Flynn would be able to conquer their own little unsolved issues.

 

It had been a long time since the last time TJ dared to hope, not out of despair, but out of optimism. He did not fear tomorrow: He had his friends with him, and with Flynn helping him shoulder whatever crap the word threw at them, he felt unstoppable. He just hoped Flynn felt the same.

 

As they were leaving, Richard and Luiz thanked them for coming. It was then when Richard called Flynn inside for a minute. TJ pretended to be out of earshot - and he nearly was - but if he kept silent and focused, he would be able to hear it.

 

He leaned with his back against the tall, black fence that prevented people from falling off the front porch leading to the stairs and looked roughly at the inside of Richard’s house, seeing him and Flynn talking at the entrance.

 

“...Lulu had been sad lately. Since he left the force, he’s had no friends. I’m glad you brought yours today, Flynn. I…” The goat briefly licked his lips, “I may have misjudged you. Before you showed up, Lulu had been in a downwards spiral, and nothing I did - even after buying this place and giving him a room with anything he could want - improved that. He… he pulled through his depression to help you. Do you understand me?” Richard placed his paw on the taller man’s shoulder.

 

The gila had his hands in his pockets and looked down briefly, both avoiding the goat’s gaze and thinking. Ultimately, he nodded slightly. “I do.”

 

“You might not know it yet, but you helped him a lot just by being there and being his friend. For that, young man, you have my eternal gratitude. If you like, I would be glad if you considered me a friend. That is all, Flynn. Now you can go.”

 

With that, the goat let go of the gila’s shoulder and turned his back to him, then proceeded to walk down the corridor leading to the bathroom.

 

“You’re welcome, Mr. Maitland.” Flynn finally said. Richard stopped and briefly looked over his shoulder.

 

“That’s ‘Richard’ to you.” Flynn seemed stunned, before nodding, and the goat walked down and entered the bathroom. The gila turned around and his gaze met TJ’s - and Flynn knew he had been listening. TJ nodded to confirm the gila’s suspicion and his boyfriend walked to him, wrapping one arm gently around his waist, freeing his other hand briefly by placing one of Carl’s tripod lights that he had been carrying down to shake Luiz’s hand.

 

“Nice of ya to drop by, amigo. You can come here anytime you want.”

 

“Don’t be fuckin’ pissy if I decide to take ya on your word.” Flynn smirked. Luiz chuckled and nodded. “And see you too, Tobias.”

 

TJ shook Luiz’s large hand. “Today was fun! Thank you for letting us come. And, I hope I don’t offend you, but God bless you and Richard.”

 

“ _Amen_ , likewise.” Luiz said. TJ knew the tegu was atheist and aggressively against religion, so it was rewarding to see him being gracious about it and reciprocating the feeling.

 

“Let’s go,” Flynn said and Tobias picked his own piece of equipment he was supposed to carry - another tripod light. He waved at Luiz briefly with his free paw, before grabbing the lights awkwardly and following his friends as they got downstairs.

 

The drive back home - after dropping Carl at his dorm - was silent for a few minutes. TJ could tell that his boyfriend was deeply in thought. Eventually, Flynn decided to talk - just as the lynx was about to ask what was on the young gila’s mind.

 

“For a while, I’ve thought I didn’t do shit for other people, know? I mean… how do I fuckin’ say it… positive things. Yeah, I hung out with Carl, but didn’t really solve his issues. I… I felt like I failed Syd for years when I couldn’t discover the truth. I wasn’t good at my job and I didn’t have any prospects.”

 

TJ’s ears drooped and hung low as he heard his boyfriend talking about being useless to him. He could tell Flynn was not quite done yet, so he remained silent.

 

“It was as if I just existed, instead of livin’. And… I felt useless. Sometimes, I still kinda do. I see you and Jenna… and even Carl, and I know you’re gonna make somethin’ out of yourselves in life. Meanwhile… I don’t really have much I’d like to do. I’m… I’m content at my current job. The other armed guys and I just make a couple thousands a month… and I got my job thanks to someone’s help - not unlike my nepotist self back in Echo.”

 

They drove in silence for a few seconds. “But… I don’t feel that way anymore. Well, not all the time.”

 

The lynx felt his ears perking up again. “Oh?”

 

“Yeah… when I spoke to Richard, I… I realized other things. I helped Carl convince his old folks to let him study the shit he wanted. And he’s doin’ fine. I helped ya get your own job, drivin’ ya around town. It was something small, but it helped. And I thought about this small deeds shit because of what Richard’s told me. When we were leaving.”

 

He briefly looked down at TJ, as if to confirm that the young lynx knew what Flynn meant. TJ nodded.

 

“I helped my boss by simply bein’ there. So, maybe… maybe I’m not fuckin’ useless after all.” The gila finished his logic with a lounging look as he drove. TJ placed his paw over Flynn’s arm, feeling the young lizard’s bulging biceps flex and relax with the subtle movements of the steering wheel.

 

“Listen, Flynn… you’re not useless. You helped us with the rent, you…” TJ wondered if he should tell him something about Jenna or not, and decided to go ahead, “since that day at Echo, Jenna’s Christmas had been… she didn’t have Chase to talk to.” Flynn grunted. “When I came back from Canada, she told me that you celebrated it together, and she was happy for once. Said it beat any Christmas she’s had during her childhood.”

 

“She didn’t say that.” Flynn stated flatly.

 

TJ raised a paw “Scouts honor.” He smiled. Flynn chuckled, but kept his eyes on the road.

 

“Also… you make me happy.” The lynx almost whispered the last part. The gila briefly looked at him, then back at the road.

 

“You make me happy too, Teej. Makes me glad that I lived.”

 

There was no need for more words after that. TJ briefly leaned on to Flynn’s arm and nuzzled him, before sitting straight again.

 

They later had dinner. Flynn prepared fried fish, some salads and vegetables. As usual, it was delicious. Jenna retreated to her bed soon after - she was genuinely tired from being kept awake by them.

 

TJ could tell something was bothering Flynn still. But he had to wait until it was nearing their own bedtime for the gila to say:

 

“I… I was thinking… I didn’t want to have secrets from ya,” the gila spoke as he undid the futon. Neither of them were in the mood and, if they were, they could easily move it to TJ’s room. Flynn straightened the sheets over it and then picked his and TJ’s pillow as he talked.

 

“So, I wanted to come clean about the shit I’ve done in the past… y’know I was, well… promiscuous, right? I… I don’t see that as a big fucking deal, unless done for the wrong reasons.”

 

Flynn rubbed his back spines and tried to avoid meeting TJ’s gaze. The lynx was spreading the blanket over the futon, but stopped to watch as his shirtless boyfriend talked about his past.

 

“What I wanna get to is… I’ve fucked - and mostly been fucked - by literally dozens and dozens of guys. And, well, I wanna know… ah, fuck this, I have no idea what I wanna accomplish.” The gila sat over the futon with his back to TJ and sighed, burying his face on the palms his hands.

 

TJ sighed and crawled over the futon, getting on his knees and wrapping his arms around Flynn’s naked torso, nuzzling against the gila’s neck. His furry paws would sometimes trail lower, brushing over Flynn’s red spots, making the gila humm in approval.

 

“I understand,” TJ said. He then let go and took a seat by Flynn’s side. The gila looked at him. Flynn appeared to feel unsure.

 

“I just… I just want to know…” TJ rubbed his forearm, “don’t you want to do that again? I mean… do you miss that?”

 

While he was, indeed, in love, TJ doubted he would be able to stomach an open relationship, unlike Richard and Luiz. His own heart was pounding hard now.

 

It felt like ages before Flynn answered, even though it had only taken a moment.

 

“No. It was fun while it lasted, but - as fuckin’ cheezy as it sounds - I’m yours now.”

 

TJ smiled, his ears perking up. He wrapped Flynn into a tight hug, and the lizard returned it, stroking his back. They remained like that for a few moments, before Flynn pulled back, gently cupping TJ’s face on his hands.

 

“And I wouldn’t trade what we have for all the men in the fucking world.”

 

The lynx leaned in closer, and Flynn met him halfway as they kissed.

 

It had been interesting how, after learning a lot about other people, it made them both learn more about themselves, TJ thought. He and Flynn finished getting the futon ready and turned out the lights. Soon, they found themselves lying side-by-side in the dark, though they still could make each other’s faces from the proximity.

 

They would always have challenges to overcome. But that was okay - their lives were as good as it could get.

 

And, content with these thoughts, TJ sighed happily once more while being held in the large arms of his boyfriend. Soon enough, both young men started drifting to sleep, so they could get ready for their jobs on the next day.

 

Until a random thought woke TJ up again. He shifted so he could turn around to face Flynn.

 

“Uhm, Flynn… what’s _‘ABDL’_? Advanced Biblical… Daily Lessons?”

 

He heard Flynn letting out an amused snort. “No, Toby. That’s _definitely_ _not_ what that means…” Flynn yawned.

 

“Eh… nevermind,” TJ wasn’t going to keep Flynn up with something that he could look on the internet tomorrow. “Good night, Flynn.” TJ planted a kiss on Flynn’s nose. The gila chuckled.

 

“Night, Teej.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, folks! 
> 
> This chapter was supposed to be a breather and just a way to tie up some loose ends about two of the three extras in this story. They have taught as much as they could. They won't be gone, but let's say we might see a little bird who can turn her head backwards more often from now on.


	31. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After TJ wakes up from a nightmare, Flynn starts questioning if his therapy is working or not - after all, it eats through a large percentage of the lynx's salary.
> 
> Once TJ has to go to a symposium that reunited professionals related to his field from all over the country - as well as the world - the gila decides to go give Dr. Carla Sanderson a piece of his mind. Forgetting that, sometimes, he might not like the answers he gets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a ton of fun writing the mirrored parts of this chapter. One big shout out to my boyfriend for proofreading this for me - you rock, amor!

**Help**

 

TJ was still in shock when Chase held him in his arms. He had no idea how long they spent like that. The lynx knew the otter was saying something, but he ignored it - might as well be gibberish to him.

 

People eventually did come. The police and the paramedics. Someone managed to drag Flynn’s lifeless corpse out of the lake. A rather heavy-set reptile was taking Chase’s statement. TJ briefly considered telling the truth, but decided not to: Chase had done it for him. Again.

 

And he would be damned if he let someone else get ruined by his secret. Even if he knew it would damn him to cover another death up.

 

At least, he took some solace on the fact that he could condemn himself and maybe save Chase. TJ knew he deserved to be condemned and had made peace with that: He would try to live his life, and leave his worries for when he had to answer to God.

 

“Time spent suffering takes forever to end, Tobias. And life is short,” a familiar voice said. He sounded bored and somewhat detached, yet it was the tone of someone who had absolute control of everything. The lynx’s ears twitched and his heart dropped. He turned around to find himself in a white marble hall, almost like a greco-roman courtroom - he looked down and noticed he was naked, many faces in the shadows watched him, and he knew they were silently judging him as he stood there, exposed. Was that what awaited him after his death?

 

He looked up ahead and, sitting upon a large throne, was a great, robed figure holding steepled hands in front of its face. TJ could not make out who it was, but was seized by fear all the same - for he had a good idea of who that Robed Figure, bathed in blinding light, was. The being towered over him and, despite not being able to see his face, TJ could tell he looked down at him in disdain.

 

“You know what you did, Tobias. Did you think you would hide within your flesh and your attempts at faith forever? Did you forget that all shall be held accountable for their sins?”

 

His voice echoed through the halls. The figures watching them from the shadows muttered and mumbled to each other, but TJ could not make out what they were saying.

 

“I… I…” TJ swallowed and felt tears stinging in the corners of his eyes. He could not come up with words.

 

“Yes, you, Tobias,” the figure said, his voice carrying a faint hint of censorship. “Was it not you who is at fault for their deaths? Was it not you who kept the truth from coming out?”

 

“I tried! God, you know I tried!” TJ pleaded, falling on his knees. “Please, forgive me! I tried! I… I was only-”

 

“You were covering up the crimes of someone else. Out of some misguided sense of gratitude. I know.”

 

“You… You don’t understand! I w- I was weak! I was scared! I was so weak… if I were stronger, I could’ve defended myself! I could-” TJ started shaking, his stomach churned and he wanted to throw up. He felt like he was about to pass out.

 

“Are you now implying now that I am at fault? That I somehow _erred_ by creating you as you are?” The figure responded. “Did you really think it would end up there? You had your chance at redemption, yet, you let the same events come to pass.”

 

“I did it for my friend! I… I didn’t want them to die! I didn’t want Flynn to die…” The lynx hiccuped and held his arms around his stomach. Tears freely ran down his face now. “Oh, God… what have I done?”

 

“It is not what you have done, Tobias. It is what you have _not_ done.”

 

The figures watching them started mumbling to each other again, but the Robed Figure briefly raised his arms up and the room went so silent, that TJ could hear his own pounding heartbeat. 

 

When the Robed Figure spoke again, his voice echoed through the large halls once more:

 

_“Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter. If you say ‘But we knew nothing about this,’ does not He who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not He who guards your life know it? Will He not repay according to what they have done?”_

 

Despite having his vision blurred by tears, TJ’s eyes still widened at that. Proverbs 24:11-12. He knew it.

 

_He knew it._

 

“Yes, you did. Yet, you allowed it to happen again,” the Figure spoke.

 

“B-but Chase… he did it to save me… Flynn… he kidnapped me…” TJ let out between his hiccups.

 

“The gila monster’s sins shall be - and were - judged. This is not his conscience that accuses you, however - it is yours. And you had wanted to tell the truth, but you ultimately did not. And it ruined not only yet another young life - cut short before he could experience real joy for more than a few mere fleeting moments - but three others.”

 

“T-three?” TJ now looked confused. He could understand if what he had done led Chase to do something he would be damned for. But who were the others?

 

“But, alas, when it comes to Judgement, it is not just your conscience that condemns you. And I am going to show you.”

 

Silence again settled over the marble room. Some of the figures in the shadows parted ways and someone drowsily approached. TJ looked up in horror as he realized who it was: In walked Carl, eyes bloodshot, and TJ could not tell if it had been from marijuana or crying. The ram stopped in front of him, his face contorted in an expression of misery. He appeared to have lost weight, but not in a healthy manner.

 

TJ noticed the patches in the ram’s arms that lacked fur - and were dotted by pock marks and sores.

 

“Hey, dude,” Carl eventually grinned, showing damaged and rotting teeth, “as you can see, I got over Flynn’s death pretty well. I made new friends who helped me cope with this shit… I just wish they hadn’t left me behind when I was OD’ing… I asked Duke to not leave me.” The ram shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal.

 

The lynx did not know he could cry and hiccup even harder. He could not speak - he wanted to, but all he did was make a few noises that sounded close to moans of despair. Another figure appeared from the crowd.

 

The wolf was elderly, but still had some muscle to him. Leo seemed almost fine, were it not for the strong smell of stale sweat and alcohol wafting from him as he staggered towards TJ. Despite how he felt, TJ wrinkled his nose by instinct.

 

“I’m glad you took care of Chase for me. No hard feelings… I just wish you had left me some time to tell the _chula_ my goodbyes. But I learned how to live _solo_.”

 

Last came Jenna. The fennec was equally elderly. She was the only one who walked quickly and stopped in front of TJ, crossing her arms.

 

“I won’t lie, I’m glad I was done with you guys before that mess started. Though I admit that, after hearing about what happened, I couldn’t stop wondering if I could, maybe, have done or said something to prevent that. I don’t know… by the way, did you know you could be damned by inaction? I just learned that earlier today.”

 

TJ could not bear himself to look at his former friends. Chase wasn’t there - he knew the otter was probably dragged off to Hell already. He hoped not. But, judging by how his friends were, it meant he would likely have to see the results of what he had done up close.

 

His ears twitched with a new sound coming from behind him, and he knew, deep down, that would still happen. The noises of wet foot steps were getting closer, until he felt the presence looming behind him. The lynx hiccuped and closed his eyes shut, silently praying. But it was no use. When he turned around, he came face-to-face with Flynn Moore’s bloated corpse.

 

Flynn’s eyes were dull and lifeless, covered in a sheen of white. His scaly skin was bloated, sticky, and splitting in places. The way his corpse had looked wasn’t symmetrical, with his distended stomach - which was once well-defined abs - sagging to the left.

 

“I…” TJ looked around the four people around him, his former friends, “I…”

 

He knew he had to say something. The lynx looked back in time to see Flynn cough and throw up a malodorous, yellow water alongside of the rotting contents of his stomach on the white marble floor. The gila then looked at him, a scowl on his features.

 

“I… I’M SORRY!” TJ yelled as he started to cry his heart out. “I’m sorry!” He got up on wobbly paws and kept repeating it, begging each and every one of his former friends who just stood there, silently judging him, like the figures in the shadows, and the Figure sitting on the throne.

 

“God, please, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry! I… I’m sorry…” he was losing his energy and felt dizzy again. His legs weakened and he would have fallen if someone had not held him with sticky, wet, rotting hands. “I didn’t want you to die… I didn’t want _anyone_ to die…”

 

“You… really sorry?” Flynn spoke, his voice extremely raspy and scratchy, and it was clear he did so with a lot of difficulty. His breath carried the foul smell of rot.

 

“Yes! Good God, yes! I’ll do anything! Anything! Please, I b-beg you!”

 

He heard Carl laughing behind him. The rest of the figures gathered did so as well. All except for Flynn, who still looked down at him with his usual serious expression and empty eyes.

 

“You will do… anything.” It was not a question.

 

“Yes! Anything! I… I didn’t mean to! I… I just… I beg you!”

 

“Then give me my life back, you little shit!” Flynn finally said, his voice going back to what it once were. He pushed TJ away and, when the lynx hit the ground, he found himself alone in the centre of the hall once again, being observed by the figures gathered around him.

 

Finally, the Robed Figure spoke once more:

 

“It is too late to apologize, Tobias. My word was clear. You knew the consequences. And even if I were not here, you still know what you did. Now go, join your friends in eternity - and learn the meaning of accountability.”

 

“Oh God…” TJ felt new, warm tears running down his face again, “Oh, God, please, no!”

 

He felt Flynn’s rotting, wet hands wrapping around his neck. “Let’s go, TJ… Syd’s been lookin’ forward to see ya.”

  
  


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TJ sucked in a deep breath and his eyes shot open. It was dark, and he could see the LED lights on the microwave display proudly announcing it was two and seventeen in the morning.

 

Despite the relief that it was just a nightmare, he could not stop the tears from welling in his eyes. He did not want to bother his friends. But the guilt he felt for all the years came back stronger, especially after seeing how it affected everyone’s lives - the fact it wasn’t as bad as in his dream was a cold comfort to him.

 

The lynx first curled up in fetal position and grabbed his head. “Nnnng…” His paws clenched on a fistful of his fluffy winter coat on either side of his head, pulling at the fur as he closed his paws into two tight fists. TJ barely acknowledged the pain.

 

He started hiccuping again. It was no use. With a sniffle, he felt warm tears starting to roll down his cheek - one of them running over his lips. Warm and salty, like the summer sea.

 

His hiccuping body as he cried shook the futon and it was only a matter of seconds before he felt Flynn stirring and waking up. At first, the gila just drowsily sat up, confused, before TJ felt the covers being yanked away.

 

“TJ? Toby? Fuck, what’s wrong?”

 

Cool, larger arms wrapped around the lynx’s athletic frame as he cried freely now, trying to not make a noise and succeeding in keeping it as a steady whine, pausing only for hiccups, sniffles and rushed breaths. Some snot had started to leak out of his nose and run over his lips. TJ wiped it on the back of his forearm once Flynn sat him up and pulled him into an embrace.

 

“What’s wrong, Teej? Come on…” The gila was starting to sound worried, his deep voice trembled and TJ decided it was no use to be quiet about it.

 

“A… y-you… a nightmare. You were dead! Dead! I… I’m so, so sorry, Flynn… please…” He buried his face on Flynn’s chest and let out a cry, his paws wrapping up around the gila’s torso and claws slightly digging into his scaly skin - but Flynn seemed to not react to the pain other than the usual muscles tensing up. He kept his embrace up with his left arm wrapped around TJ, the right hand going up and gently stroking the lynx’s back and behind TJ's head.

 

“You were dead, Flynn… I saw you… dead… oh God… I think I’m gonna be sick…”

 

“Shhh… it’s okay,” the gila finally spoke, swallowing hard. “I’m here, TJ. I’m here. I’m alive. I’m fine… we’re home. It’s fine…” 

 

TJ cried for what felt like hours. His head hurt. His entire body felt sore. Yet, the gila never let go or stop assuring him that they were fine, sometimes nuzzling the top of the lynx’ head and giving it a kiss while he cradled the younger male.

 

Eventually, Toby managed to calm down a little. Flynn took off his shirt and wiped TJ’s snot away with it, then did his best to clean his forearm in the dark, before tossing the dirty shirt to some corner of the living room. Neither of them cared. TJ just stayed on his knees, sometimes sniffling and hiccuping, but it was manageable.

 

He heard Flynn getting up and the cupboards opening and closing. His ears twitched when he heard the unmistakable sound of water being poured in a glass. Flynn came back with a mug filled with cold water and, thrusting it near the lynx’s face, told him to drink.

 

TJ took it on shaking paws and took a sip. It helped a little, and he quickly drained the mug of its contents. Flynn wordlessly took it and placed it over the kitchen table, before returning to the futon and sitting in front of his boyfriend. TJ felt the gila’s large paws over his shoulders and looked up to meet his face.

 

“Listen, Toby, I know you must feel like shit over what happened… but we talked about this before. I was an asshole to you too. But we’re here now. We’re fine. We will be fine, do ya understand me?”

 

The younger male nodded weakly. 

 

“And, TJ… I’m never, _ever,_ going to leave your side again, do ya hear me?” Flynn looked at him in the eyes as he said that. TJ sniffled once more and wrapped his arms over the gila’s chest. Flynn returned the gesture, his right paw stroking the back of TJ’s head gently.

 

“It’s a promise,” he said on TJ’s ear. The lynx finally calmed down.

 

TJ heard his boyfriend take a deep breath and gently lay both of them down, before briefly breaking his embrace to pull the blankets over themselves - it was still cold, after all - but he wrapped his arms around the lynx once that had been taken care of.

 

Now, in the embrace of the gila - who was very much alive and with him - TJ allowed himself to relax and go back to sleep, feeling comforted by their embrace.

  
  


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That was about three days ago. Flynn could not stop thinking about how TJ reacted to that nightmare, but there was little he could do other than being there for his lover then.

 

The next few days had been hectic: Jenna had been hired and, as it turned out, her job paid really well (assuming she got past the trial period of three months - which Flynn actually thought she would be able to do with ease). The gila decided to keep a cynical remark about how Dr. Carla Sanderson - now one of the head doctors at the Pueblo Mental Health Institute - likely pulled some strings for that to happen, considering Jenna ended up on her team.

 

Thinking about the owl made his blood boil. Flynn only saw her briefly once or twice, and he knew therapy cost a fortune - yet, after witnessing TJ’s breakdown, the gila felt like she had been cheating Toby out of his money.

 

After all, why pay for something that wasn’t working?

 

He would have discussed that with TJ, but once the twentieth of January rolled in, the lynx announced he had to make a trip to Washington, DC, for some kind of symposium with professionals of his field from all over the world. Something about the APTA and Combined Sections Meeting or something: He had shown the brochure to Flynn, but the gila just skimmed over it.

 

Still, it meant it was an unexpected expense. Even Toby admitted he wouldn’t have gone, if were not for the fact it could mean a promotion. In the end, Flynn took a short-term payday loan and handed the necessary cash to his boyfriend. He would be gone for about six days, leaving on the twenty-second (that being a domestic flight, Pueblo Airport would do), and coming back on the twenty-seventh.

 

If it all worked out, TJ would soon find himself making anywhere from  between forty-six to fifty thousand dollars a year. A pretty hefty sum, especially for such an young professional who graduated early (the lynx said it was to save money, but Jenna later admitted it was because he had a mental breakdown).

 

It was how the gila found himself alone once more at work. It felt like before the time he tried making small talk with Luiz, back in late two thousand and sixteen. If the tegu had been around, he could have someone to chat with, but that wasn’t the case. He did exchange a few words with Richard when he could, but the goat was always so busy - he worked even during his lunch break.

 

Perhaps Flynn could pay him back for all the help he had from them by telling his boss to chill a little bit. It was clear that Richard could always delegate tasks to other people and have some free time to make sure his husband wouldn’t be so lonely in their house during his own vacation. The gila nodded at his thought and decided to keep that in mind for later.

 

He looked back at the cameras, just seeing the same old image of shoppers going about their business like cattle, in the dull gray screens of the CCTV room. Perhaps Angelo was right to keep him away from the public: Later during that day, he spotted a few skater kids throwing garbage at the elephant, who patiently shooed them away. Flynn knew that, with his own frustrations at himself, at TJ’s therapy not working, at his absence, and about every other aspect of his life, he would likely end up cracking and either walking out… or doing what his boss would have done and send a few teenagers to the hospital.

 

Speaking of the tegu again, he had been busy even during his own break: Later that day, as they were leaving, Richard told Flynn that G.A.S. had bought two other, small companies in Denver, effectively fusing with them, and they now watched over a few warehouses in Denver and Pueblo, as well as he managed to secure a contract to provide security for the Pueblo Airport (alongside three other agencies), and that one of his newly-acquired companies had two armoured vans. Guardian Angels Security was now transporting valuables. It was still a modest operation, but the goat admitted he was impressed with his husband’s sudden, unexpected move.

 

“For a red, he sure knows how to run a business,” the ibex goat concluded with a chuckle. “Of course, he knows his limits: Tonight I’m meant to take a look at the books and help him balance them. What I mean is, both companies he bought paid their employees more than you guys earn. If he turns a profit, you could look forward to getting paid one thousand dollars more. You could be making forty-two thousands a year.”

 

“For real?” Flynn raised one ridge. That was too good to be true.

 

“At least, considering what the other guards got paid, yes. That was Lulu’s own math, however, so take it with a grain of salt. But if he is right, raise your hands to the heavens and thank the powers that be for having a boss that believes in equality.”

 

They both laughed at that. Richard eventually excused himself and took his leave, and Flynn walked to his truck. He looked at the old Dodge relic up and down - it was still reliable, despite being ugly. And he had to admit that he enjoyed driving it. But, if things worked out, he could maybe get a better truck, even if it were second-hand.

 

But if his life was improving so much, why did he still feel like shit? Flynn sighed as he slammed his truck’s door shut and brought the engine to life.

 

He knew he missed TJ. He smiled at the thought: The little shit really ended up taking a huge space in his heart. And the gila had no regrets about it whatsoever. Flynn just wished Sydney were still alive to see that. He was sure the little guy would enjoy seeing his two favourite people together.

 

That was not all, however. No. Flynn knew why he had been feeling like shit: He needed to have a little chat with that owl, about cheating TJ out of his cash.

 

Flynn made a mental note to ask Jenna about her colleague once he got home. He needed to work only half-shift during the twenty-third, so it was perfect.

 

Of course, he would not get physical - he wasn’t a barbarian like Leo. All he would do is tell that owl to fuck off.

  
  


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“Flynn, listen to reason! Things don’t work just like that!” Jenna pleaded as she struggled to keep up with the taller male. Flynn took long strides, his face stern as ever.

 

He knew fennecs were fast, but by the way Jenna talked in a rushed half-whisper, she likely tried to keep herself in a walking pace to not startle her colleagues.

 

“I just wanna have a few words with that bitch, that’s all.”

 

“Flynn! Don’t talk about her like that - you will get me fired, for pete’s sake!” The fennec made a wringing gesture with her small paws, obviously frustrated at him. Flynn looked down and fought back the urge to smile, then placed a hand on her shoulder.

 

“Look, Jenna, I promise I won’t let any of the shit I throw at the fan fall on ya, alright? I’ll get in, give her a piece of my fuckin’ mind, and get out. If ya want, pretend that ya don't me.”

 

“That is alright, Jenna,” Flynn blinked when the composed, controlled voice of Dr. Carla Sanderson came from the door behind them. Jenna looked over and Flynn turned around, to find the owl standing there, door half-open, her expression neutral as always.

 

“I can take it from here,” Carla finished, crossing her arms. “Come, Mr. Moore.”

 

Flynn and Jenna exchanged a look, then the lizard huffed and walked past Carla, into her office.

 

“I… I’ll stay here, in case things go south, okay?” Jenna spoke, her ears splaying slightly. Flynn stood up in front of Carla’s desk and looked over his shoulder in time to see the owl shaking her head slightly.

 

“Not going to be necessary. But if it makes you feel better, then you can do it. I will be back soon.”

 

With that, the owl closed the door and, for a split-second, scared the young lizard: Her head spun almost fully backwards, her eyes locked on his. She continued to meet his gaze as she walked to her large oak desk, her head slowly turning back to what the lizard considered a normal position. Eventually, the shrink took her seat on her large, black fake leather chair, which almost reminded Flynn of a throne.

 

The owl steepled her talons and, for a few long seconds, all that could be heard in the room was the ticking of her grandfather clock behind her. There was nothing in her office that spoke about its occupant’s personality: Only a small bookshelf with books about her trade, her grandfather clock, and a desk devoid of any decoration - even her paperweight was dull and uninteresting: A simple half-circle made of glass.

 

For some reason, that unsettled Flynn, and he almost forgot what he came there for. The gila put on a scowl and leaned forward, pointing one of his longer fingers at the owl.

 

“What the fuck are you doing to help Toby? Huh!? Did ya know he’s still having those fucking nightmares? A few days ago, he woke up crying! What are ya gonna do about that? I’ve seen how much you charge him for this shit - and it ain’t helping! He did better for a few months, but now? He’s a fuckin’ mess! I’m glad he got his shit together - without your help, mind you - to make a trip to some symposium shit for his job. If anything, I was doin’ somethin’ right before you, but he’s back to the fucking start. What are ya gonna do to help him when he’s back, huh!? Or are ya just gonna be there all high and mighty and spew pseudo-scientific shit like Jenna did with me for all those fucking years?” The owl had not changed her expression in the least. Flynn could not see any change in her demeanor - and he was sure she hadn’t even blinked (or, most likely, timed her own blinking to Flynn’s). “Com’on, answer me!”

 

In a way, it felt good letting it all out. Ultimately, the gila worried about TJ, and wondered what went wrong to make him have his night terrors after so long - did the lynx agree with having sex just to please Flynn? He knew TJ was kind of a people-pleaser. Suddenly, the gila’s feeling of resentment, born out of worry, was replaced by anger - directed at himself.

 

Eventually, the woman took in a deep breath through her nostrils and leaned back on her chair, making herself comfortable. It only served to further irritate Flynn. But her expression was anything but disdainful or amused. If anything, her previous stoic facade was replaced by an intensity that made the gila’s lips feel dry under her smouldering gaze. He ran his forked tongue through them and knew the owl was about to speak. He was not ready for the relentless questions that the experienced therapist asked:

 

“Did you really believe that dating Mr. Hess for a few months was all it would take for his trauma to disappear, just like that? Or dating _anybody_ for a few months, for that matter? Were you counting on that when you started befriending and going out with him? Did you forget the part _you_ played in contributing for Mr. Hess’ psychological trauma and pressing his triggers? _Do you even know why I am treating him?_ ”

 

Flynn stood there for a moment letting those questions play in his thoughts again and again. He swallowed hard, licking his lips once again - fuck, he needed a toothpick to chew on - and his entire body shivered and trembled.

 

He felt like tearing up, but managed to hold the tears back. He would not cry in front of that woman. Yet, he had to admit all her questions… hit close home.

 

Eventually, he felt too ill to stand up, and pulled up a chair and took his seat. The owl did not protest, keeping her taloned fingers steepled as she watched him, her face stoic, yet her gaze intense, as always.

 

“No…” Flynn answered, his voice wavering, barely above a whisper. “I… I wanted him to forgive me… but I never planned on things to go the way they did…”

 

_Fucking great. Now he was going to pour his heart out to a fucking stranger._

 

Flynn felt as if he were naked - and not in a good way. He felt as if he were being judged by that woman wearing a white doctor’s coat over her light gray suit, sitting there motionless as she scrutinized him.

 

“I just want him to be fine, Doctor… I… I don’t know what to do.”

 

Dr. Sanderson continued watching him, relentlessly stoic, before he locked eyes with her. She eventually sighed and leaned forward - almost as if showing that she was a person, too.

 

“Mr. Moore, your little outburst showed me that you do genuinely care for Mr. Hess’ well-being. This is good. Judging by what I heard about you, that means you came a long way. And it is good that you are there for him when he needs it. If only that were the case for most people that come to my office… but, alas, companionship alone does not equal therapy. What happened to Mr. Hess is normal; As sad as it is, you do not ‘cure’ someone from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. But our job is helping the patient lead a fulfilling and decent life. Trust me, I am concerned about Mr. Hess’ well-being as much as you are, even if I am not emotionally invested - it is still my job. And he needs _both_ a healthy relationship - which I am glad to believe he has - and therapy for that to happen. It will take time, it will be hard, and it will painful. But he can do it.”

 

Flynn looked down at the polished desk, taking in all the owl said. She continued after giving him a brief pause to speak - which he did not use.

 

“I know it is hard to see him suffering. Perhaps he feels the same when you are dealing with your own conscience. Guilt is the cruelest judge of them all. Especially when it leads us to feel more responsible for someone’s misery than we really are. And, judging from what I heard, Mr. Hess is not the only one who has to fight with his own conscience on a daily basis. I believe you also have some unfinished business.”

 

The young lizard sat there for a few more moments. The owl was done. He thought about it all, and he realized he wanted to be a better man. Not just for his friends, not just for Toby, but also for his own sake.

 

He met the owl’s gaze. “I…” he licked his lips again, “I need help.”

 

Dr. Carla Sanderson’s eyes narrowed in an slight, almost imperceptible manner for a split-second. Her features then resumed her usual stoicism.

 

She reached down to one of her desk drawers and slid it open. It was soundless, likely due talcum or chalk. She picked up a small business card - light gray, near-white, and featureless. Like her feathers and the walls of her office - and handed it to him. It had her name and her phone number.

 

“Technically, I am not on counseling anymore. But I would be a horrible professional if I dropped Mr. Hess’ case on to some colleague I did not trust to handle it with the necessary tact, considering the things that happened back in your small town.”

 

Flynn knew what she meant. He did not say anything and the owl gave him a slight shrug, before continuing:

 

“The same applies to you. Call me when you have time and we shall set an appointment. I shall go to your residence like I do with Mr. Hess. Fortunately, Jenna will keep him in the living room like she does to you when I show up for your boyfriend’s sessions.”

 

“Fair enough.” Flynn wondered what was the point, since it was clear TJ talked about him. Carla had a look of amusement and the gila realized that she knew what he was thinking. Maybe she was good at her job, after all.

 

“As much as patients may talk about each other, it is better if we keep the sessions private. Even amongst people who have no secrets. I do hope you understand, considering you seemed to be the most mature of your peers.”

 

Flynn found himself taking a deep breath and exhaling at once through his nostrils. It almost came out as a huff, but he resigned himself to his fate. It beat the alternative by a fucking mile.

 

And, deep down, he knew maybe something good could come out of it.

 

“Now, if you excuse me, I have to continue my work.”

 

“Oh, of course! Alright…” Flynn stood up and the owl did the same. He stood there awkwardly, before extending his hand for her to shake. She took it in her own taloned hands - the talons almost scratching his palm - and firmly shook it. “Seeya, Doc.”

 

“I will be seeing you too, Mr. Moore.”

 

Flynn left her office, briefly seeing the owl sit down again and pulling some papers out of another drawer, then reaching for her pen.

 

Jenna met him right outside the avian’s office. She leaned against the wall, her arms crossed and her ears somewhat droopy. She was concerned. It was then when the gila realized Carla’s office was soundproof.

 

That owl had a pair of stones to be alone with a seven foot tall gila, Flynn realized. Especially one whom she likely heard a lot of shit about.

 

“Before you worry, it went fine. She, uh, she’s gonna be seein’ me later this week.”

 

Now the fennec looked at him as if he suddenly sprouted large ears like hers. Her own ears perked up and she pushed herself from the wall, looking at him with incredulity.

 

“I… I don’t know what to say. This is… such a surprise!” It was rare for her to be stumped like that, and the fennec quickly schooled her features back to normal. “But I’m glad you are finally seeking help.”

 

“Yeah…” Flynn replied and started making his way to the exit. Jenna followed him. “Me too,” he finally said, before they bid each other their goodbyes - and Jenna asking if Flynn could make lasagna for dinner.

  
  


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_From: Toby_

_Really? Well, I’m happy that you’re doing that! She’s helped me a lot!_

 

Flynn chuckled as he half-sat on the futon, using his and TJ’s pillows, as well as a rolled up blanket, to prop himself up. The only light in the dark living room came from the screen of his phone. 

 

Of course Toby would be happy when Flynn informed that he had finally decided to get help. He typed his answer, as fast as he could:

 

_To: Toby_

_Well, yeah. I went to talk with her about my worries about ya and… might have admitted I need help._

 

It felt a little tough to admit that, but Flynn had decided to hold no secrets from TJ.

 

_From: Toby_

_Ahh, I see. Well, I’m still a little sorry for waking you up that night._

 

_To: Toby_

_Don’t be. Besides, I’d be a shit boyfriend if I didn’t help ya feel better._

 

_From: Toby_

_It’s much better when you’re there, I admit. I spent most of 2016 waking up after those nightmares and being all alone afterwards._

 

Flynn couldn’t help but smile.

 

_To: Toby_

_I’m glad I can be of use for once._

 

_From: Toby_

_Don’t put yourself down so much, Flynn. You might end up believing it._

 

_To: Toby_

_Alright. How’s the convention?_

 

_From: Toby_

_Oh, it’s great so far! Met a few professionals from England and China. Even a few doctors. I’m learning new things, especially about little-known species and some others that college just brushed over, but didn’t develop. All in all, I’m happy I brought my book to take notes._

 

_To: Toby_

_Glad that youre havinf fun._

 

_To: Toby_

_You’re* having* fun._

 

_From: Toby_

_I know what you meant. And yeah… the hotel’s nice too. I just wish you were here._

 

_To: Toby_

_Yeah… that’d be great. Do ya think she’s gonna put me on meds?_

 

_From: Toby_

_I dunno. I’m not a doctor or a psychiatrist, but if she does, believe me, it helps._

 

_To: Toby_

_Except for the risk of weight gain and decrease of libido._

 

_From: Toby_

_Well, I still exercise often. On the latter… you eventually get used to it and it goes back to normal._

 

_To: Toby_

_Hahaha, well, it’s nice to know that. Especially from ya._

 

_From: Toby_

_Hey, I’m a young, healthy adult. It’s natural to have urges._

 

_To: Toby_

_Oh, trust me, I know. Say… speaking of missin’ ya and sex drive, can I ask ya a favor?_

 

Flynn had to admit it was bold of his part to ask TJ for _‘nudes.’_ But it was worth a shot - he really did miss the young guy. And the feline was hot enough to turn him on with ease. He needed to check the dictionary to see if there was any description for ‘cute’ and ‘sexy’ at the same time… or ask Jenna if it was normal to be turned by someone with both attributes.

 

TJ did not reply, and the gila furrowed his ridge. Maybe he needed some clarification. Or maybe the lizard had been pushing his luck. Flynn was about to tell him to forget it, when his phone buzzed with TJ’s reply:

 

_From: Toby_

_You show me yours and I show you mine._

 

The gila could not resist the urge to laugh.

 


	32. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changes are inevitable. It does not mean people react to them the same way.
> 
> Or: Flynn finally starts therapy and reflects about how things are different. Meanwhile, other people have similar thoughts... but with different views of the way their lives are going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been working on this since 9 AM of this saturday. Uploaded without proofreading, so I hope there's not too many mistakes. ^^;

**Changes**

 

It felt weird to half-sit on TJ’s bed and talk to a stranger about his life. Had it been a sofa, it would be almost like the stereotype of a typical shrink therapy.

 

Carla had taken her seat on TJ’s office chair, by his computer desk and crossed her legs, taking notes on what the gila said. Flynn had been a little reluctant, but knew it would have been better to just spill the beans before he lost his nerve.

 

Chances are she had already heard most of what he had to say: Both from TJ and from Jenna. She still stressed the importance to hear his version of the events. At least, in that, she was better than Jenna was back then.

 

Normally, Flynn would outright refuse to go see a therapist. He did not enjoy showing vulnerability. However, he had to admit he had been in denial on how much that was damaging him. By the time he had realized that, he thought he was a lost cause.

 

Right now, he was nearly done telling the doctor about how much of a piece of shit he was, about living through his aunt’s nepotism, his uselessness at his job as a clerk, the fact he could not figure what happened to Syd even though it was right under his nose, and how he let a bunch of older guys use him for their pleasure just so he would feel less shitty at the end of the week.

 

“For a while, in the past couple of years, I thought I maybe wasn’t so fuckin’ bad, you know? But even though I know I helped Carl face his parents, that I was there for him when he needed a friend - same about my boss - and all the positive shit people say I did, I can’t stop thinking about, well, about how much of a fuckin’ useless asshole I am. Y’know, it’s like I can’t improve. I’m… I might even not be willin’ to! I mean, when you lived your entire life some way, you kinda get afraid of changes, even when you know they’re positive.”

 

The owl continued writing for a few moments, before pausing.

 

“It is quite admirable that you are mature enough to at least acknowledge that. Now, about the part about you being - as you so elegantly put it - ‘a piece of shit’, well… let me be frank with you.”

 

Flynn sat up and looked at his therapist. The owl leaned forward, her gaze smouldering as always. Yet, he wasn’t ready for what came out of her beak once she spoke:

 

“I frankly believe all you said is _complete bullshit._ ”

 

It was hard for the young lizard to figure that the composed and polite owl would be so honestly crude when talking to him. Carla adjusted her small, round glasses perched on her beak.

 

“You see: I have been practicing since I graduated from Yale in ninety-five. As valedictorian, may I add. I have come across many patients that went through similar experiences as you. But I have to yet find someone who managed to put his entire personal life on hold to investigate a friend’s death. Most either break down and are committed or give up. You managed to pull that off for thirteen years. It shows how much of a strong will you do have - though it could indicate obsessive tendencies.” She shrugged.

 

“My point is: You, at least as of yesterday, was mature enough to acknowledge it was not healthy. I am glad you gave up on that - though it could be argued it is because you found the truth.”

 

Flynn sighed. “Yeah… and what also makes me feel like shit is how I feel like I both failed those who loved me and those I cared for were conspiring to hide the truth _from_ me. Even though I’m with Toby now… I feel alone sometimes.”

 

“What could have you done to save Sydney? Did discovering the truth bring him back? The only way the culprit could be punished for sure would be with a confession, Mr. Moore. Which I am sure he won’t oblige.” Flynn shook as her words sunk in. Did he waste his life _for no fucking reason_ , in the end?

 

“It is a delicate situation, but I advise you to not take responsibility for what is not your fault. I know our conscience may sometimes do that - and it is good that you feel regret. At least it means you are not a sociopath. That would make me worried about Mr. Hess  Speaking of which, I do not think that Sydney was the only person who loved you and cared for you. Perhaps, that could be true before his sad passing.” The owl adjusted her glasses once more - it always slid a bit further down her beak as she spoke. “But you do have people who love you and care for you. It is not my place to talk about other people during our therapy, and what they tell me. But I will tell you this: During the time you were missing, Jenna was genuinely worried about you. Not just on the account of the stress it caused Mr. Hess, I assure you. She would do her best not to show it, but I have been in this job long enough to read people rather well. I take pride on that. Especially with someone like Jenna, who is stubborn enough to not show her more vulnerable side.”

 

Flynn almost noticed a smirk on the corners of the owl’s eyes. He knew she was digging the last part both at the fennec and himself.

 

“Of course, you could chalk that to basic decency. But, from what you told me yourself, it was she who demanded you to move in with her and Mr. Hess, was it not?”

 

The lizard confirmed with a nod, finding it hard to meet the owl’s gaze.

 

“Mr. Hess is a kind man. But he did not have the creativity or the assertive personality Jenna had to simply refuse to leave until you agreed to come with them. You could have survived that winter in your mobile home with the things they bought you. It was not her basic decency to demand you to move over - she really did not like to see you like that. If I recall,” Carla licked one of her taloned fingers and flipped through her notes, “she told you she was doing that because - and I quote - ‘we are your _fucking friends._ ’”

 

Carla flipped the notes back to the most recent addition and closed her pad, now looking at Flynn.

 

“Your friend, Carl, probably would have helped you as well. As I am sure your aunt would have. Or even your boss. I take he is pretty fond of you.”

 

“He is.” Flynn confirmed, refusing to elaborate more. He did not feel comfortable about that subject - the tegu was fine, but he did not like when other people, even TJ, prodded him about it.

 

Fortunately, it seemed the owl did not lie when she said she could read people: She took a few notes and skipped the subject: “And, then, there is Mr. Hess himself. Of course, his drive to approach you was, at first, motivated by guilt. But I wonder… was it not the same with you, when you accepted Jenna’s invitation?” The owl tilted her head, almost as if raising one non-existent eyebrow.

 

He really needed a toothpick right now. Flynn tried to buy some time, licking his lips and resisting the urge to rub at the spines trailing down his back. The owl did not move or blink until he spoke. _A predator, indeed._

 

“I suppose…” Flynn did not like how weak his voice came out.

 

“There you go. But you ended up becoming friends. And… we could say that, with what you both went through, you bonded. While traumatic bonds are not exactly healthy, I take you do not really click with your families. For different reasons, of course, considering Mr. Hess is actually fond of his parents. And you two take it on a healthier level than…” It did not escape Flynn how the owl shifted uncomfortably on the chair now, “than how it could have been for him, had you perished.” 

 

Flynn could not say anything, as she kept going: “But my point is, Mr. Moore, you _do_ have people who love you, and care for you, and want the best for you just as they want for themselves. I know you can sometimes feel lonely, and even weak. But while they might not be literally close all the time, they are still there. And so you are for them, judging by what you tell me. _You are better than you think you are_ , Mr. Moore.”

 

Her wrist watch beeped and she looked at it, before turning the alarm off. “Oh, would you look at that! We went way past our two hours.” The owl got up, and Flynn followed suit.

 

“Same time next week.” She shook his larger hand and walked out. Flynn stood there, in the middle of TJ’s neatly-organized room. He could tell Carla and Jenna were talking, but could not hear their voices, muffled by the walls.

 

After standing there for a few minutes - long after the muffled conversation ceased - thinking about the therapy session, the gila decided to go to the living room. He had a hard time taking seriously what he had been told.

 

But, at the same time, he knew people like Jenna would not do what she had done for him just out of pity. So, maybe, the owl was right. Maybe he had been so blinded by his obsession with the truth about Syd’s death that it still caused ripples, affecting his judgement.

 

Against all odds, Flynn was now glad he had asked for help when he did.

 

Jenna’s ears perked up when she noticed him. The fennec seemed uncharacteristically tired and, after pondering if he should do it or not, Flynn decided to at least return some of the kindness she had shown to him.

 

He took his seat on the futon, next to the fennec. “What’s up?”

 

She shook her head and sighed. “Carla forgot to tell you: She has left a prescription for Sertraline on the table. She said you do not have to take it if you do not want to, but-”

 

“Yeah, yeah, ‘but it helps.’ I know.” Flynn did not mean to come out as annoyed, and did not like how Jenna’s ears briefly lowered, before nearly splaying to the back of her head.

 

“You’re very welcome.” She told him flatly.

 

It took a lot for him to say what he did next: “Sorry, Jenna… I’m just tired.”

 

He did not lie: Most of what was going on was new to him. His phone buzzed and he picked it up: It was a message from TJ. The gila smiled at his comment about Carl’s video featuring him and he awkwardly typed his answer using one index finger. Then, satisfied with what he had written, he sent his answer to TJ.

 

Her ears perked up again. “I can tell. I know the feeling… it’s alright.” She said with some sympathy. “And, know… I was talking to TJ last week: You’ve changed.”

 

“Yeah? How so?”

 

“You’re smiling more often, for one. It almost makes me think you’re actually happy.” She grinned at her jab. Flynn raised one scaly ridge, in bemusement.

 

“I… I actually think lizardfolk smiles are creepy.”

 

“You do?” Her ears splayed a little again. Was she sad? “You shouldn’t. I might regret saying this, but you do actually have a beautiful smile. TJ thinks the same.” She shrugged and Flynn almost made a quip about what she said, but the fennec was faster: “And you better not make fun of me for saying that.”

 

The gila raised his large hands in surrender. “Hey, that would be givin’ me a reason to smile.”

 

“Ah, do shut up, Flynn.” She crossed her arms, forcing her ears down to appear angry.

  
  


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It greatly amused Jenna to see just how far Flynn had come. It also stroked her ego to know she had a part in it. Though the fennec was still stumped over how much TJ, of all people, had changed him for the better.

 

Then again, it might just be that Flynn wanted to be a better man for the lynx. It made sense. In either case, it was a pleasant change. And she never had imagined she would enjoy the gila’s company so much.

 

Even if he was an arrogant, stubborn fool who thought he was much smarter than he really was.

 

_Okay, Jenna, maybe this is why you never liked him: there can be only one._

 

“By the way, I paid the rent yesterday.” She told him, “So you can take the other bills, if you want.”

 

“You paid _all_ of it in one go?” Flynn was surprised. Jenna nodded, grinning at him.

 

“By the end of my experience period, I’ll be making eighty thousand dollars a year. Figured it’d be nice to pay you and Teej back for putting up with me while I was unemployed. Furthermore, I also have a pretty decent health insurance.”

 

“Heh, I always knew you’d be the first of us to make something out of yourself.”

 

If only he knew how hard her new job was.

 

Sure: Now she could actually work on research alongside her colleagues - Mental Hospitals were great places to gather data. There were a few interesting cases that came across her team already.

 

But, on the other hand, the place was understaffed, underfunded, and also dealt with the criminally insane. Carla had advised Jenna to not show fear or confrontational attitude towards the patients on her very first day. Most of them were quiet and easy enough to handle - just people waiting and hoping to get well enough to be let out in the outside world.

 

However, she soon found out not all doctors and nurses held her and Dr. Sanderson’s high standards: Neglect and outright abuse were commonplace. She once had seen a nurse leaving a patient in need of, at least, a change to stew in the bed she was tied on for the entire day. When the fennec told Carla, it was the first time ever she saw the owl losing her calm demeanor: She had raced down the ward and got into a shouting match with the head nurse. In the end, however, they had the patient get the necessary care - and the owl had confessed to Jenna that, thanks to some base instinct everyone had still left from their ancestors, she had been ‘this close’ to peck the white rat nurse’s eyes off.

 

Oh, it almost got them into trouble. Almost. Carla calmly made it clear she had enough proof of what went down to put the head administrator tangled in so many lawsuits, that he would go bankrupt from paying the lawyers alone. In the end, Jenna figured why she and Carla were given the easiest cases to take care of. It was their way to buy their silence.

 

The fennec realized that living her dream was harder than actually getting there. The things she had witnessed other staff doing - or not doing - were starting to wear her down. She was disappointed with her colleagues.

 

It was almost as if some childish illusion had been broken, and she woke up to the realities of adulthood all over again.

 

Although she could put on the same confident facade Flynn had - and she was confident - at the end of her third day at work, she was already worn down to the bone. It was hard to keep her ears up and her gaze sharp once she crossed the threshold to their home. And she did not fault Flynn for noticing it.

 

“What’s eatin’ ya, Jenna? It’s not like you to be like that.”

 

It stung when he asked it, and she could not help but reply with a hint of hostility - Jenna did not like feeling weak.

 

“None of your business.” She noticed Flynn’s expression briefly change into one of surprise, before he resumed the old frown she was acquainted with. ‘ _Great, now I feel guilty,’_ she thought.

 

“It’s… just that work can be exhausting. I’m tired, that’s all.” She flashed him an apologetic smile. Flynn scrutinized her - did he know she was lying? - but then nodded.

 

“I can imagine. I read some shit about that place,” he finally said.

 

“Like what?” It now caught the fennec’s interest.

 

“Neglect, mistreatment, all sorts of shit like that. I mean, it’s on the reviews people write on businesses, I dunno the name-”

 

“I know what you mean,” Jenna admitted with a sigh. “Yeah… I thought I’d be happy that I finally am working with something that lets me do my research. I am helping Carla and two other doctors with a ‘nature versus nurture’ work. It’s an age-old debate that nobody has a clear answer to, but doesn’t mean we can’t try. And having my name published in the community’s paper would at least make me known among my peers, in case I decide to start a work of my own.” She paused.

 

“Problem is, despite the conditions some of our patients have, some staff seem to forget they’re still people. And… well, I do not like seeing it all and not being able to do much about it.”

 

“I see,” was all Flynn responded with. He then reached for the remote and turned the TV on.

 

It took a few minutes before any of them broke the silence: It was Flynn who spoke first.

 

“Know, at least you and Teej are goin’ somewhere. What can I become? I still have no degree - and nothin’ I’d really like to get one for - and I'm a security guard. I don’t really have any prospects, and that bothers me.”

 

Jenna thought about what he said. And then about how she could react to it.

 

Back then, she would actually have held that against Flynn: She did not really appreciate unambitious people. In her view, everyone should be always pushing themselves to succeed. At least, to not end up like her good-for-nothing parents.

 

Yet, when she started working with counseling - not because she liked it, but out of necessity - Jenna had the chance to actually look into people’s psyches for once. There were people with issues that, once upon a time, she would have one thousand and one solutions for. It was easy to judge people if you had not lived their lives.

 

She had patients that went through a childhood even more hellish than hers with a smile on their face, yet, found it nearly impossible to leave their houses in order to get groceries.

 

And here she was, with the person she was so often happy to judge and label. Once upon a time, she would consider him a loser. A lazy loser.

 

But her experiences counseling, combined with Chase’s actions in Echo, showed that things were not as easy as she thought they were.

 

With that in mind, she decided to answer his statement with a few questions: “Is it really that bad? Do you hate your job?”

 

Flynn snorted and looked at her, a hint of annoyance on his features. “What’s this: therapy, round two?”

 

Jenna was almost going to tell him to screw himself, when the gila chuckled. “Alright, well… ya see, I don’t mind where I am. But I know people do. If things work out, I might even get a decent pay. Not like Toby or ya, but good enough to get what I want.”

 

The fennec smiled and shrugged. “Then screw what others think. If you’re fine with it, and it won’t harm other people, who are they to judge?”

 

Flynn let out another chuckle and shook his head. Did he disapprove of her advice. He then looked at her, his smile giving off a nostalgic vibe.

 

“I’m not the only one who’s changed, it seems,” he said. “I remember one time where you’d agree with my assessment of my life.”

 

She tried to play it off again with a shrug. “I remember a time where you were a prick.”

 

“Yeah, so were ya back then.”

 

Jenna chuckled. “I just… I learned a lot in the past three years. Things I never thought I’d learn.”

 

“Yeah…” Flynn trailed off. “Me too.”

 

They spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying the comfortable silence between them as they half-watched the series Flynn had put on. Neither of them were much into it, and it was clear that the young lizard was keeping his focus on texting TJ. Her thoughts drifted to how she and her few friends left had such an unique dynamic - almost like a true family - and, then, she realized things would be alright, as long as she had them to back her up from the stress of her job.

 

That and she also considered saving money to get a Doctorate. And, with that, a raise of twenty thousand dollars a year.

 

She had changed in ways she never imagined she would. And Jenna Begay welcomed it.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


TJ laughed at yet another exclamation of ‘holy shit!’ by Flynn on the video he had been watching for the third time that day. Part of him felt a little bad about laughing at what could count as blasphemy, but it was still hilarious to see Flynn’s reaction every time Freddy Fazbara would jump scare him. Especially on VR.

 

 _“No! No! I’m done. Fuck this shit!”_ Flynn ultimately removed the headset and handed it to Carl. _“Can’t get past Night Four.”_

 

Of course, the viewers enjoyed the second video of Carl’s ‘I pick a real life X to play a game about X’ series. It started slow, with the ram just giving a summary of his relationship with Flynn, then a brief talk about Flynn’s job, how he was trained, what he can and can’t do, then his opinion about the (lack of) intelligence of the FNAF protagonist.

 

Then there were the comments. Some were innocent enough. But quite a few readers were either asking very specific questions or saying very spicy things about him. TJ was used to see such comments directed about Carl (especially when he played a game about being stranded on a raft and made the entire episode while wearing a speedo and a life vest), but it still bothered him to see them directed at Flynn.

 

Then again, it just confirmed to TJ that he was right when assessed the lizard as handsome.

 

Carl actually made a joke ‘FAQ’ as the pinned top comment, reading as such: 

 

_“Sorry, ladies Flynn is homosexual. No, guys, he’s not available. And, no, we aren’t together that way. And, yes, I’m gonna post the first video in my new ‘From the Back of the Freezer’ series next week.”_

 

Earlier that evening, TJ had sent Flynn a text containing the link to the video. He had told that it was a funny episode, and Flynn briefly pretended to be offended for being made fun of. The lynx had briefly worried he did it for real, but the way he followed it up by asking, again, how was his day had put him at ease.

 

Just like how TJ knew that some things other people said could upset him (like calling him ‘Toby’ - of which he realized Flynn did often and he didn’t mind - and swearing or violence), the same worked for Flynn: Sometimes, things that other people could throw in a normal conversation could annoy or even anger him. So far, the few times TJ did it, the gila just showed a hint of disappointment, but was accepting of his apologies. Just like how Tobias himself let a few things Flynn did wrong slide off - the gila was smart, and rarely did the same mistake twice. All in all, they had a pretty good understanding, given their differences.

 

That day, TJ had learned more in-depth just how different the musculature, blood vessels and nerves on an owl’s neck worked. It was fascinating and it posed a challenge in the rare case an owl broke their neck, but not badly enough to go paraplegic. More often than not, they lost most of their ability to rotate it backwards, and it greatly inconvenienced them.

 

He had also learned techniques to rehabilitate elephants with extensive damage on most the trunk’s forty thousand muscles. Yet, nothing that day beat the huge surprise he had by early afternoon: TJ had met the woman who helped Carl recover from his ankle injury.

 

It happened by accident: The lynx had been texting his friends back and forth and shared a picture he took on his Muzzlebook page. Carl immediately commented that he knew the woman giving a speech that appeared on it.

 

She was a tall, lean meerkat name Suzanne Thompson, who lived and worked in Phoenix. And it made sense that Carl’s parents would only settle for the best money could buy. After approaching her after the day’s event, TJ learned a few things he did not know about Carl’s physiotherapy.

 

One of them was that she had to spend some time in Carl’s house. The second was that the ram was not very enthusiastic about it, but she said his friend (whom she was pleased to find out was TJ’s boyfriend) Flynn had pretty much forced him to undergo his exercises anyway. They both would start in the late afternoon and keep up until evening. By the time Carl returned to college, his ankle was pretty much healed.

 

TJ felt a little better, but still could not help but still feel some guilt over it: The ram had a very slight, almost imperceptible limp, that would never get better. Furthermore, the cartilage on his joints was damaged and Carl would feel it once he got older.

 

Still, he was glad that Carl had been put under the care of a respected professional. It helped that Suzanne had, at first, started a medicine course (wanting to be a orthopedic surgeon) herself, before switching majors and deciding to specialize in physiotherapy. The meerkat told him it was because she wanted to help people in need to readapt from their injuries like her grandmother after a nasty car crash left her with a lame leg. That and she admitted that she did not want to spend nearly a decade studying medicine: Her student loan debt would have gone through the roof.

 

It took some pondering, but TJ decided to text Flynn about his discovery.

 

_To: Flynn_

_So, I met Suzanne, the woman who handled Carl’s physiotherapy. She’s nice._

 

_From: Flynn_

_Yeah. I saw her picture on your Muzzlebook page._

 

_To: Flynn_

_I still feel a little bad for pushing him._

 

It took some time for Flynn to answer. It was yet another of those moments where TJ feared he had hit a sensitive subject.

 

_From: Flynn_

_Don’t be. It’s done, can’t be helped, and it wasn’t totally your fault._

 

‘It wasn’t totally your fault’ - Flynn did not seem to pull any punches. TJ’s ears drooped and he sighed. However, he knew the gila was right: even if there was some blame to be placed on Chase, it was ultimately the lynx who pushed him. It was an accident, he did not mean to hurt Carl.

 

But it happened all the same.

 

_To: Flynn_

_Yeah. I’m trying to find it in me to apologize to him._

 

_From: Flynn_

_I don’t wanna bullshit ya, TJ: Carl will appreciate. But he might get a little anxious._

 

_From: Flynn_

_But I’ll be there with you two when ya decide to do it._

 

TJ smiled as he read that message. That would make things easier.

 

_From: Flynn_

_By the way, I was thinking. I hope I didn’t push ya yesterday, know, when I asked for a favor…_

 

Well, that was unexpected. Did Flynn think he had been doing that just out of desire to please him? Obviously, TJ had been guilty of doing that in the past, with other friends, but he was really bummed when people still felt the need to coddle him.

 

He appreciated the concern. At least that meant Flynn cared.

 

_To: Flynn_

_No, you didn’t. If I didn’t want to do it, I would have told you so._

 

TJ send his reply, then decided to add another thing, just to put Flynn’s conscience at ease:

 

_To: Flynn_

_Tbh, I was trying to get enough courage to ask you the same._

 

_From: Flynn_

_No way!_

 

_To: Flynn_

_What? I told you it is normal for a young adult to have a healthy sex drive._

 

The lynx hesitated before finishing his text with a joke. He was feeling bold, even though he was sure he looked positively ridiculous lying on his hotel bed wearing his boxers, some cartoons on TV, and giggling like a schoolgirl as he typed then sent it:

 

_Or were you rather I was celibate? Do you want us to wear purity rings?_

 

He sent the message and his phone buzzed near instantly.

 

_From: Flynn_

_Who are you? What have you done to Toby? He was never the kind to joke!!!111_

 

Annexed to it, there was a picture of Flynn looking angry… and Jenna looking over his shoulder, likely surprised to be on the frame, as she lounged on her side of the couch. TJ laughed and took a selfie, then sent it to him.

 

_To: Flynn_

_I’m his evil twin, Mattias._

 

_From: Flynn_

_Know, I have a hard time trying to imagine what your ‘evil twin’ would do. Make prank calls?_

 

_To: Flynn_

_Hehehehe. I’m going to bed now. It is near ten here and I wake up early tomorrow._

 

_From Flynn_

_Alright. Sleep well, Toby._

 

 _To: Flynn_ _  
__You too. Good night, Flynn. God bless!_

 

It surprised TJ when his phone buzzed after he had put it to recharge. He picked it up.

 

_From: Flynn_

_Amen. You too._

 

TJ chuckled affectionately and put his phone down again, then turned the TV off. He performed his usual evening prayer, before getting back on the bed and pulling the cover over himself. The lynx laid there on his back, fingers interlocked and paws behind his head as he gazed up at the ceiling, deep in thought.

 

If there was anything good that came out of all the events in the past four years of his life, was that he learned he was stronger than he thought. Of course, it had taken him somehow befriending, then entering in a relationship with his former bully - and victim, as well as a small fortune spent in therapy along the way. But these were beneficial changes.

 

Oh, of course, his life was far from perfect yet. He knew he would still have his past tormenting him for years to come. Seeing Flynn’s boss - old, yet still affected by his own inner demons - had only worked to show to the young feline that he had to be strong.

 

But he was. Even if he could break down and cry, and sometimes need Flynn’s emotional support to carry on, it would be fine. TJ started looking forward for the future - he was not afraid of changes anymore.

  
  


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“Hm… hmmm…” The ram stared at his computer screen, the only source of light in his dark dorm room, with scrutiny. If he did not time that scene perfectly, the video would end up with a horrible cut and look like a vtube poop. Carl did not want that. Especially in his first ‘From the Back of the Freezer’ video.

 

He did not have the time to edit that GeoNeo video earlier that week: Someone in his dorm paid him to draw her Humansona. Carl actually enjoyed the challenge, and finished the chubby figure in only a couple of days (nine hours total, according to the program). All of that for eighty bucks - not a bad payday for what amounted to four hours and a half worked per day.

 

However, it had the side-effect of making him _the_ go-to guy for people to commission art. Eventually, he had to put a disclaimer on his Flesh Affinity page that commissions were closed. Though he was happy to do a few art trades.

 

He had made about two hundred bucks total that week, but had only worked about a couple of hours editing the video he had recorded. He clicked on play again.

 

Smooth. It was perfect. Few people had any idea how much a vtuber spent their time editing and working on their videos. Carl made a mental note to ask some of his colleagues about hints when hiring editors and such. 

 

His subscriber count had reached fifteen million that saturday and the GeoNeo video was supposed to be a special feature: Fans voted for him to do work on older consoles, so he would do it. Starting with the one he’s actually had when he was five.

 

It was a good thing some folks knew to not throw things away.

 

Carl watched the video once more. This time, it was to his liking. The ram opened his vtube page and proceeded to upload it, typing the usual funny description, his links to Patron, all the usual stuff that he pretty much copy-pasted from a notepad file by now.

 

“Finally! It’s done!” He raised his paws dramatically after finishing the upload. Now it was just a matter to wait for views and he would make some money.

 

Carl enjoyed working on his videos. Even he was surprised. Might have been due to the fact he wasn’t being pressured to run the family business anymore. Still, that edit in record time to keep up with his ‘one video every week’ schedule had taken a toll on him. The ram decided to relieve some of that stress in the best way he knew.

 

He opened his right desk drawer and pulled up the small ziplock bag and the appropriate rolling paper. Lately, Carl hardly smoked on days he had to go somewhere (unless he was anxious - which had happened before). He did not want to embarrass his friends or himself by being an idiot while high.

 

The ram chuckled and wondered what his parents would think if they found out his own therapist explained how to consume marijuana in a more sensible manner.

 

Carl rolled up a thin joint and took a look at his bag. He had plenty of weed still left, having gone to the dispensary recently. The ram had also met a rather familiar tegu there that day who, upon being spotted, just jokingly said ‘I’m not sayin’ anythin’ if you don’t.’

 

He managed to set up another weekend to go to his place and, that time, make a video about the Williams iCD Multimidia Console - and the spectacular failure it was. He even would play some of the horrible Welda games that became a meme with vtube poopers.

 

It was ready. Carl put his stuff away in the drawer and fished for a cheap neon-green lighter from the pocket of his shorts. It took a few tries, but the ram had it covered by now. He took a hit and sighed in relief, holding the joint to his lips and lounging back on his gamer chair, watching as the first likes and comments appeared on his recently-uploaded video.

 

His thoughts drifted back to a time where he would be miserable being by himself. Sure, he enjoyed hanging out with Flynn still. But he hardly felt jealous when the gila decided to do other things anymore: They saw each other almost weekly (after not seeing Flynn for almost a whole year), and the ram finally felt better with himself.

 

Even some of what he had learned during the Business course he had dropped out managed to stick. Otherwise, he would have had a tough time managing the sudden cash flow from when his videos started gaining a lot of viewers and, eventually, this or that indie game developer started paying him to show their games off. It was almost as if he had changed into an adult over the past few years.

 

His joint went out and he frowned, picking up his lighter again. While this was some good shit, he always hated how some seeds always made their way in the weed. He relit his joint and took a longer drag, to make sure it would stay lit.

 

Speaking of ‘adulting,’ Carl knew he should start working on his tax stuff soon. He hated doing that, but it was necessary. Maybe, once he started making much more money, he could hire someone trustworthy to do that for him.

 

Eventually, the ram spat on his paw, then put out the joint on it, before throwing it in the small trash can he had beneath his desk. He turned his computer screen off and, with the dim light of his phone, made his way to his bed.

 

Carl wasn’t sleepy, but enjoyed to lie down and relax while high. While sometimes he would think of things that made him chuckle, he had a few video ideas that he was willing to try. One of them involved calling Jenna to do a psychological evaluation on famous video game characters. He toyed with the idea for a moment, before deciding to just go ahead and try to get some sleep. Chances are he would lie down awake for a few hours still, but he had learned to use his insomnia to his advantage: Even when clean, he could let his creativity wild and come up with tons of ideas he could use… if he remembered them when he woke up.

 

That was as good as a way to weed out unremarkable ideas from the best. He also kept in mind that, even though he was as good as graduated, he would need to attend class until May, when there was the official graduation ceremony. Carl did not look forward for it - he would likely just smoke a blunt before going there, try to be quiet, get his diploma and get out. His parents would probably be too busy to attend, but his friends would be there.

 

 _‘And I’ll be damned if the chance they get me to make some speech’s gonna let me fuck that shit up with them watching,’_ he thought.

 

Then again, things were going to change soon: His apartment was there, waiting for him to graduate and move in. Then he would have a true refuge for when the stress of the outside world becomes too much for him.

 

Carl’s last thoughts before he could finally drift to sleep, around two in the morning, were about how he was satisfied that he had finally found something he enjoyed doing - and was good at.

 

It even helped him get laid. He never figured so many chicks (and dudes) genuinely found him sexy.

  
  


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“Are you sure you wanna stay? You know I don’t pay for after hours, right?” The owner of the Pueblo Chief Paper oh-so-kindly reminded Chase. The otter fought the desire to groan, preferring to just look at his boss with a forced smile.

 

“That’s okay, Mr. Peterson. I’m almost done here.” Chase pointed at the computer he was using to edit his latest work: an article about the lack of police in Pueblo to effectively answer to the increase in its crime rate.

 

The bulldog was lighting up a cigar. He took a puff of it, then shrugged. “Suit yourself.” With that, he turned around and left. Chase would have bid him a good evening, but last time he had done it, he could swear the old dog had mumbled ‘brown noser’ as he walked off.

 

By some sort of miracle, Chase was going to graduate in May, alongside Carl. Not that it mattered much, considering he noticed how the ram seemed really awkward around him.

 

Not that Chase blamed him. If he were in Carl’s place, he would find his presence pretty hard to stomach as well.

 

_Hell, if anything, Chase found his own presence hard to take._

 

The first few months after Echo had been fine - or as fine as they could be, given how the otter felt - he wasn’t in the mood to handle crowds, but wasn’t going to turn his back on the friends he had in college either.

 

It did not last, though. People asked him about his lack of project and injuries. Rumours started to spread and, amongst them, the truth. It had spreaded amongst the other students and his friends started either barraging him with questions, feeling awkward around him and, eventually, conveniently having other things to do.

 

Part of him still felt as if he had been terribly wronged by everyone. It was like the people he cared for and even loved decided to suddenly turn on him in the last moment. Starting with TJ nearly poking his eye out.

 

Oh, TJ…

 

Chase quickly edited the last few mistakes off of his article and skimmed through it. _Good enough, for the shit pay I make,_ he concluded and saved the file, then set the computer to shut down, turned the screen off and got up to get his coat and leave.

 

He resented how much his own thoughts seemed to not decide what to make of what happened: Sometimes, Chase would feel weak, powerless and lonely - and in those times, he would actually understand all too well why everyone had been avoiding him. Because even he would avoid a friend who tried to kill another one.

 

He recalled, back when he and TJ were still awkwardly talking, how he had summed enough courage to ask the lynx what changed his mind.

 

“You distracted him for me,” Chase pointed out. And it was true. The feline, however, reacted very negatively to that: His ears drooped and he hung his head low. Soon enough, Chase could see the tears dropping and leaving wet marks on the lynx’s khakis. TJ cried silently for a few seconds, before answering with ‘I know. I just thought you’d knock him out.’

 

Regardless if that was true or not, the point is Chase understood his change of heart.

 

Touching that subject seemed to have been the last straw. The next day, TJ did not answer his texts with more than monosyllables. And it was like that for a while, until he suddenly was also too busy to talk. Eventually, he ceased all contact with Chase altogether.

 

It had been like that until they met at that charity event.

 

Chase was briefly happy that TJ - even if he seemed a little nervous - did not run on him.

 

The next part was what he could not understand. The way Flynn looked at the lynx before he noticed Chase, the way he touched him… it was pretty much clear what was going on.

 

Especially the way TJ reacted to Flynn’s touch. It was involuntary, Chase could tell. But he noticed it all the same.

 

It was as if the world was playing a cruel joke on him. A fitting punishment for the otter’s sins: Making his rival get everything he wanted.

 

And _everyone_ he wanted.

 

The worst part of it all? Chase recalled the events of that day all too well. He really did not want to drown Flynn. He really wanted to stop holding him underwater. But he could not.

 

It was as if he was going insane. Some of his actions made no sense, and felt as if someone was doing the thinking for him.

 

Chase found himself inside his car. He did not even fully recall his path there. To be honest with himself, he had been living on auto-pilot since then.

 

Well, it was time to drive back to the dorm. He still needed to give back the books he borrowed from Carl, though the ram wasn’t in his room during the past weekend and Chase had been so busy both with college, work and his misery that he had forgotten to give them back.

 

First, however, the otter made a stop at a convenience store that was still open. He grabbed a couple of instant noodles and a few other things he needed like a decent deodorant.

 

As he paid for his goods and went back to the car, Chase wondered why his life did not feel like his own. He started the engine and drove back to college, still pondering about the direction his life had been going.

 

Which was, apparently, nowhere.

 

He could try texting Leo later. Chase felt lonely but, just like how others felt awkward talking to him, he felt a little awkward with Leo.

 

The wolf was still head over heels for him. And it was somewhat sad, especially since Leo did seem affected by what had happened that week: He had to practically take Chase ditching him for TJ, only to top it off by trying to kill Flynn.

 

Nice way to leave an impression on someone.

 

Then again, maybe he could do it. Maybe he could go back to Echo once he graduated, try to patch things up with Leo, and live as normally as he could - hoping Flynn’s aunt wouldn’t find some way to screw him over.

 

If she was still the mayor, that was. He had to ask Leo about that.

 

Chase parked his car and locked it, then made his way to his room. It was still a bit too cold for his taste - or maybe that was just his mood. He shivered and quickened his step, eventually letting out a relieved sigh once he entered the relatively warm dormitory building.

 

He had been assigned one of the worst single-units of the uni. But he did not mind, considering Chase did not want a roommate. He did not want anyone to see him wallowing in his misery.

 

Once the otter closed the door to his room, he started putting the groceries away. For a moment, he considered making some of the noodles, but he wasn’t hungry all of sudden and ended up leaving them on the small cupboard he had. He would eat them tomorrow.

 

So this was what his life came to. If things continued to be that bad, he might end up whoring himself.

 

 _Hah, that’s an idea,_ Chase thought and chuckled bitterly to himself. He would never do that, unless it had a really big payoff.

 

The otter picked up his phone and scrolled down through his contact list. His thumb lingered over Leo’s, before he decided it was not worth it. It would be nice to talk to him in person, eventually. But, right now, Chase felt like every relationship he had, he ruined. He would not message Leo just to make himself feel better.

 

What Chase wanted was something in his life to change for the better, for once.

  
  


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The keys clinked in Leo’s paw as he tried to unlock his door without the aid of the lights. The wolf wanted to hit himself for forgetting to change the burned light bulb of his porch that morning.

 

Eventually, the key slid into the lock and, with a flick of his wrist, the door was unlocked and opened to the dark living room of Leo’s residence.

 

He had been going with that routine of spending most of the day helping his father and working to keep his mind off of the events almost four years prior. He closed the door behind himself and went straight to his bedroom.

 

Leo had been pent up. He did not enjoy knowing what he was about to do in order to ease his loneliness. The wolf quickly undressed and picked up a change of clothes - just a pair of boxer shorts and a shirt - to wear after a shower.

 

But, before the shower, came his attempt to relieve his tension.

 

Sitting down on his old computer chair, making it creak from the lack of oil in its hinges, the wolf turned on his computer screen and opened his browser. What he wanted was still in the ‘Favorites’ tab - just where he last left it.

 

There it was, the two tabs he had opened: each one for gtube, but each with an appropriately different title that summed up what they were about - ‘otter wolf’ and ‘otter solo’.

 

Leo decided to open a few videos that caught his interest. In one of them, the otter actor was being _cojido_ by a wolf with some pudge to him. It was good enough for Leo to picture himself and Chase.

 

How he missed his _chula._

 

The wolf had managed to get aroused enough for his half-hard member to emerge from its furry sheath. He slowly stroked it, but was finding hard to get, well, hard.

 

His mind kept drifting back to the events of Chase’s vacation in Echo. How he had high hopes that they could either reconnect or… get some closure on their relationship.

 

Chase simply left for college. In a way, it almost made Leo feel like the otter had been using him. 

 

The thought of being used for someone’s pleasure - as well as using someone - always disturbed Leo. It was why he had not liked the Smoke Room, when Flynn introduced him to it. Many older men and drug addicts, using each other for pleasure, money or to get their next fix. It was enough to disgust the wolf. He simply could not understand how Flynn could take it.

 

And, as ashamed as he was, was also the reason why he could not stand to look at Flynn in the face back when they had their ‘agreement.’ He still remember Flynn’s scolding, about how he was not his otter. Leo had to admit that it had upset him, but not just because Flynn’s accusations rang true.

 

But because he realized it meant he had been using the _lagarto_ as well. He was no different than the middle-aged men who would use Flynn for their own pleasure. The thought made him sick.

 

Sometimes, Leo wished he had not been so proud. Maybe, if he had told Flynn how he felt, things would have been different and the gila wouldn’t resent him.

 

He briefly wondered if Flynn briefly hoped there could be something between them. It could have been nice, but Leo was obsessed with Chase.

 

 _Y yo sigo obsesionado. Por Dios,_ he thought.

 

While still attempting to coax some arousal through watching the two males fucking on the internet, another thought practically ruined any chance of that happening:

 

How Chase had been the one to kill Sydney, and had almost killed Flynn.

 

It was hard for Leo to believe it. But even though he had been in denial, everything pointed at it being true. Especially Flynn himself.

 

After that, he could barely run the risk of seeing the gila again. He would feel many different emotions all at once: Anger, regret, sorrow, sympathy… but it was too late to do anything about it.

 

And, once it was all done, Chase simply left. They exchanged a few words, alright, but that was it.

 

Once in a while, he would get enough courage to text the otter. It was usually a simple ‘hello, how are you doing?’ But the conversations always felt empty and usually ended after a few exchanges.

 

The video was almost over and Leo’s cock was nowhere near as erect as it would have been. He felt too miserable to jerk off right now.

 

 _“Eh, puedo hacerme una paja más tarde,”_ he said to no one in particular.

 

Leo got up and picked his clean clothes - or rather, the sleeping clothes he had used the previous day - and a clean towel, then went straight to the shower.

 

He let the warm water cascade over himself, sighing in relief as it helped relax his sore muscles. Leo patted his belly - he gained a bit of weight again. Not that it mattered, since there was no man he’d be willing to fuck in square miles anyway.

 

The wolf lathered his paws in his shampoo and began washing the grime and grease off of his fur. Being a mechanic with so much fur meant he had to spend extra time washing his paws and forearms. It was a small inconvenience he had gotten used to years ago.

 

If anything, Leo was a creature of habit. He preferred what was safe, secure and familiar. He never could handle things getting out of his control that well.

 

His shower was done, and he turned the water off. Leo made sure to shake most of the water off of his fur, then stepped out on the rubber mat that prevented him from sliding on the wet floor and proceeded to dry himself up.

 

He went back to the kitchen and opened the fridge, deciding to eat the leftovers from today’s lunch. A couple of minutes in the microwave would do. Leo also fished a bottle of cold beer from the fridge and opened it up, his ears twitching at the hissing noise, then took a long drink of it.

 

Usually, he would not drink his sorrows away. But he was alone. Alone and lonely. The microwave beeped and he retrieved his plate of food, fetched a fork and ate it standing up. There wasn’t much left in his pre-packaged meal anyway.

 

When he was done, the wolf unceremoniously deposited the dirty plate and fork in the sink. He then picked the open bottle and went to his living room again. Leo took a seat and enjoyed the bitter taste of the cold beverage going down his throat. The only noises around were the buzzing of the lights and the insects outside in the night, giving a bucolic ambience to his house.

 

He picked up his phone and unlocked it. Then, the wolf scrolled down to the gallery and opened the group photo. Leo sighed wistfully upon seeing all his former friends and Chase together. Of course, Flynn was looking like he wasn’t really happy to be there, but that was expected.

 

While Leo looked at it, he wondered what went wrong. He knew they had their issues, but they were not literally at each other’s throats then.

 

His thoughts drifted to when they were younger. Even after Sydney’s death, Leo had been willing to let the group stick together and be there for each other. He promised to make sure of it. And he felt like he failed them.

 

He wondered what they were up to. He had no news from anyone - Jenna, TJ, Carl, Flynn… 

 

But, as much as he hated to admit, he missed Chase above everything. And it hurt.

 

He wished things were the way they used to be. It was selfish, he knew. 

 

Leo did not like changes.


	33. Rollercoaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ comes back from his trip feeling glad to be back at home, and happy that Flynn treats him like an adult...
> 
> ...right?
> 
> (Or: A misunderstandment leads to both of them to have a small argument)

**Rollercoaster**

 

TJ enjoyed his time at the APTA symposium, but he felt truly happy to be finally home.

 

Of course, Flynn was there to pick him up, having arrived straight from his job to do so. And, once more, the lynx had some difficulty to spot him among the scaly pilots and security agents in uniform. This time, however, the lynx knew he did it on purpose, to joke with him: Flynn usually either changed out of his uniform or threw a normal coat over it when he was done with work and was on his way home.

 

It was confirmed to be the case when he received a text from the gila reading ‘I see you. Can you see me?’ 

 

This time, TJ turned around to find Flynn waving at him. He chuckled at Flynn’s little game and approached him, hugging the lizard tight. Flynn returned it.

 

“I missed you,” TJ said, and he meant it. It had been only a week, but he really enjoyed their time together even before he realized how he felt about the gila.

 

The drive home was uneventful. Mostly, Flynn asked him about his trip, and TJ decided to babble about everything that happened. Usually, he was not one to babble or talk about his interests in detail, but he felt comfortable enough with his lizard to share his enthusiasm. Even though he was sure that Flynn did not fully understand most of the clinical part of his job and the things he learned, he did not seem bored or acted dismissive.

 

And TJ really enjoyed that. It made him feel appreciated. He was not the group’s mascot or tag-along kid anymore.

 

When they arrived home, Flynn first offered to take his luggage up for him, considering it was a rather large bag, but TJ refused. It was a little late, and Jenna was already preparing to go to bed when he arrived.

 

He managed to have a brief chat with her. From what she told him, she was enjoying her new job, but confessed it was ‘a little more difficult’ than she had thought. The fennec did shoot Flynn a brief look and the lynx figured something happened at her work, that the gila knew.

 

TJ briefly considered asking Flynn, but decided that it did not concern him, since Jenna seemed happy. He just hoped that was not just her keeping her usual appearances in order to not look weak or not worry him. She bid them both a good night and left.

 

“Are ya hungry?” Flynn asked.

 

“Not really… but I didn’t have anything since today’s lunch. I could use something to eat,” TJ smiled.

 

 The gila smiled and nodded at him. “Go take a shower, I’ll whip somethin’ quick for ya.”

 

Indeed, TJ felt the need to freshen up… and get himself clean. He made his way to his room and decided to unpack now, just being content that the only things to do were fishing his dirty clothes to throw in the laundry basket and get his own clean clothes from the wardrobe (then toss the empty suitcase in it). The lynx took some time to remove both his necklace and ring and keep them in the single drawer of his night stand.

 

 _I’ve bitten the fruit… and I_ really _enjoyed it,_ he thought to himself with amusement. The week he spent away made the lynx feel really pent up, TJ never thought he would enjoy intimacy with someone that much.

 

He also made sure to get the small dildo he took with him to the trip (he was never so ashamed in his life as when the TSA agents looked at it and raised their eyebrows at him), and placed it back in the second drawer of his computer desk. Then he retrieved the final item; one he hid in the bundle of clothes so he could take it to the bathroom. It was the shiny and immaculately clean douche he had bought that time he went to the sex shop with Jenna.

 

Now with both his clean PJs and the dirty clothes on hand, he went to the bedroom. Flynn was not lying when he told he’d make something light: The gila had been cutting tomatoes and the lynx saw some lettuce being washed. The lynx quickly slipped into the bathroom and closed the door. After a brief consideration, he locked it up as well.

 

The feline moved quickly: He threw the dirty clothes into the laundry basket, then looked around the bathroom for a small metal can that Jenna allowed him to keep tucked between the shower stall and the washing machine in the cramped bathroom. That washing machine had been the best purchase they had done so far: It meant it was not necessary to keep a close watch at the condo’s own laundry room so their stuff wouldn’t just ‘mysteriously’ disappear. That had happened twice during their first year there, and the lynx was infuriated, but there was little that could have been done.

 

He just prayed the thief would regret it and stop stealing. It was the right thing to do.

 

The metal can was where he actually kept said douche - after cleaning it, of course - since it would prevent him from walking to and from the bathroom carrying it. After briefly psyching himself, TJ got to work - he wanted to try something new that night.

 

After being thoroughly clean and drying himself from his long shower (took longer than usual, considering he still had his winter coat), TJ stepped out of the bathroom feeling refreshed, yet anxious. It was a good feeling, however - he wondered if Flynn had even the remote idea of what he had been thinking.

 

Flynn watched him eat, sometimes making up conversation. TJ knew that his boyfriend must have felt lonely, with Carl and Jenna busy, Luiz away on vacation, and TJ himself attending the Combined Sessions Meeting, chances are he had not many chances to chat.

 

And, despite his tendency to present himself as someone stone-faced, it was clear even back then that Flynn was lonely.

 

TJ could sympathize with that.

 

When the lynx was done with his meal, he thanked Flynn and went on to brush his teeth. 

 

Later, when they both were done with their evening chores, TJ found himself straddling on Flynn’s lap, their muzzles connected in a kiss, their tongues dancing around each other. Paws explored each other’s backs, though Flynn would sometimes reach down to gently grope the lynx’s crotch, feeling TJ’s half-hard cock or gently squeezing his balls, making the younger male moan into their kiss.

 

Eventually, TJ pulled back, his ears and cheeks on fire, but he smiled.

 

“Uhm, I’d like to try something new today.”

 

Flynn smirked. “Like what?”

 

“I was wondering if, maybe… you’d be willing to toptonight?” TJ’s ears splayed as he rushed the last part. Flynn, on the other hand, blinked, and seemed to consider it, before shrugging.

 

“Alright. Say, are ya sure?”

 

“Yeah!” The lynx didn’t like how his voice raised a few octaves. He cleared his throat. “Yeah. I mean, I’ve been, uhm, practicing and all. Even before we were together.”

 

“Ah. Just to let ya know, it might still hurt a little bit during the first few times. Then ya get used to it-”

 

TJ found his shyness quickly being replaced by bemusement. His ears drooped. “Flynn, listen, I know all of that. I’ve talked with Jenna, with your bosses, and did my own, uh, research on that.”

 

“It’s that in the past few days, I was worried if ya agreed to fuck just so, you know, you could be on my good side.”

 

Alright. While TJ appreciated his concern, his worrying was starting to really kill the mood. The lynx moved off of Flynn’s lap and opted to sit by the gila’s side on the small bed. The lizard blinked and TJ noticed that he seemed to realize he said something wrong.

 

“Look, Flynn.” TJ tried to keep his voice steady and serious, “I appreciated when you showed worry back when we were texting. I did. It showed me that you care. But I’m not a little kid. I’m about to turn twenty-five now. I can make my own decisions. When I brought you to my room for the first time, I did it after giving it all some thought since the New Year party and decided that, yeah, I could trust you. I thought you would start treating me like an adult, judging by how you always did.”

 

Flynn sighed. “I just worry ‘cause I know ya used to be kind of a people-pleaser-”

 

The magic was gone. TJ felt his member retreating back into its sheath. He felt himself heat up, but it was out of annoyance. “Okay, Flynn, nevermind. I’m not in the mood anymore. I really hoped you wouldn’t coddle me now that I’m working to grow out of my anxiety. I…” he licked his lips, “I’d like to be alone now. Please.”

 

He almost regretted saying that when he saw the hurt in Flynn’s appearance. It was brief - the gila had talent with schooling his features into that usual serious expression he’s always had. Still, TJ had spent enough time with him for the past couple of years that he started learning how to read the gila. Flynn looked dejected.

 

“So… are you sayin’ ya don’t wanna be with me anymore?”

 

TJ could tell Flynn was genuinely worried. The lynx sighed, hugging the larger male.

 

“What!? No! I’m just saying I’m not in the mood anymore. Where'd you get that?”

 

Flynn looked visibly relieved at that, and returned the embrace, remaining quiet for a while - maybe he was afraid to dig himself deeper. "I'm not used to this romance sh- stuff," Flynn finally said.

 

“We can just… let’s give each other a bit of space. Tomorrow we’ll sort this mess out, alright?”

 

His boyfriend sighed, TJ could tell Flynn had been forcing himself to meet his gaze and look neutral. “Alright,” he said, barely above a whisper.

 

They got up and walked to the door. The lynx quickly pulled him down to give him a peck on the lips, before bidding him a good night. After Flynn left, TJ’s ears drooped again. The lynx decided to just put his cross and his ring back on, then pray for guidance, before turning in for the night.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Flynn spent hours awake thinking about how things went sour very fast. Of course, he could have apologized, but he had to admit that, even after the past few years, he was still getting the hang of how to handle people in a sensitive manner. That and he hoped that, by explaining his reasoning to the lynx, TJ would understand.

 

Then again, it was pretty clear TJ understood - he just did not like it. Flynn couldn’t blame him.

 

There was no use trying to think of a solution at the moment. He could text his boss for advice, but Flynn figured he should not bother the tegu with his problems, in the midnight, during the older lizard’s final weeks of vacation.

 

It was almost as if he were getting the hang of how to handle people.

 

That and, if he had to be honest, looking at his phone would keep him awake longer than he would have liked. It was one in the morning and he still had to wake up early in order to go to work.

 

The next day, Flynn woke up drowsily thanks to his phone’s alarm buzzing and he shut it off. He laid on the futon for a few minutes and sighed. It had been a while since the last time he really had to drag himself off his bed to work.

 

His morning routine had been uneventful. He showered and made sure to remove the bits of dry, dead skin off of his body as usual. Doing that with pliers took forever, and the gila idly wondered if any of those stupid ‘as seen on TV’ products could do it faster and more easily. However, upon spotting both TJ and Jenna’s fur brushes (both still with a large amount of fur in them), and knowing they had to pick fur off the shower drain every week, the gila figured he had it easier.

 

He looked at his phone to check the time. He would be slightly late and knew that, despite their newfound friendliness, Richard would still chew his tail off for that. He could have skipped the grooming, but he also knew Richard did not like him showing up for work looking like he had been snowed on - or covered in dry jizz, as Luiz remarked once.

 

Upon leaving the bathroom, he found Jenna standing there, waiting patiently. They mumbled their greetings and she slipped inside, locking the door. Flynn went to the fridge and picked up a few eggs, then some oats from the cupboard. He was going to make scrambled eggs and mix the oats in it. It wasn’t really tasty, but was filling and relatively light. He couldn’t stomach something heavier for breakfast.

 

Soon enough, TJ walked in, a towel and his white and sky-blue work uniform slung over his shoulders. Flynn forced a smile and greeted him. TJ replied with an equally forced one and Flynn knew what was going on:

 

They still felt awkward from the previous day. TJ filled a bowl with cereal and poured some milk over it, eating in silence.

 

About twenty minutes later, Flynn found himself driving his mate to work. The trip was mostly silent, with TJ trying to break the ice. Flynn felt like shit because he could not bring himself to engage in a long conversation, his mind still going over how to solve their issue.

 

Eventually, they reached Parkview Medical Center and it was time for TJ to get out. The lynx did not kiss him and leave as usual, but just sat there, his ears drooping.

 

“Flynn, I… I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

 

“It’s okay, Toby,” the gila leaned back against the backrest of his seat and sighed. “I was stupid. It’s just… I’m thinkin’ about it, that’s all.”

 

“Alright… I just hope you aren’t angry at me.”

 

Flynn let out an amused chuckle, then looked at TJ with a tired smile. “Angry at ya? Nah. I still look forward to spendin’ time with ya. I just got a lot of shit on my mind.”

 

TJ smiled and his ears perked up a little. They leaned into a kiss, before the lynx opened the truck’s passenger door to leave. “By the way, I’ll be home a bit late tonight,” TJ mentioned, “just half a hour or so.”

 

The gila acknowledged it with a nod. “I’ll wait for ya.”

 

“Have a good day, Flynn. I…” TJ rubbed his arm, the inner part of his ears growing red. “I love you.”

 

Flynn smiled, genuinely so this time. “I love ya too. Have a good one.”

 

He then drove off to another long, boring day of work. But he was content: At least their relationship did not suffer from that. He still needed to figure a better way to prevent new fires from starting.

 

In hindsight, he should have accepted TJ’s second guarantee that it was okay. He definitely would try to think of a way to apologize. He had done that before, but it was always _so fucking hard._

 

It made him feel awkward to confront people he had wronged. So, usually, he would avoid it.

 

Due to some stroke of luck, Flynn made it to work just about seven minutes late. Richard had been there when he clocked in and the goat just narrowed his eyes at him when wishing the gila a good day, then walked back into his office.

 

As he had predicted, work had been boring and uneventful. Flynn eventually felt bored enough to text Carl and they briefly talked about a few random subjects, before Carl told him that he settled another date to go to Richard’s place and make another video about old game consoles. Flynn promised to talk TJ and Jenna into coming with them again.

 

He then texted Luiz and they had a brief chat about their common interests, before the tegu asked him what happened that he had been late. When Flynn explained that he took his time grooming himself, the tegu asked if the younger lizard still used pliers to pick the dead scales off. After Flynn’s confirmation, Luiz responded that he should expect something to end up on their mailbox soon, before saying he was going to make something to eat and excusing himself.

 

_At least, the old man was enjoying his break._

 

Eventually, work was over and Flynn briefly texted TJ, asking if he would like to be picked up after work. The lynx accepted his proposal, and the gila drove all the way home, so he could freshen up and relax for a few minutes.

 

When he walked out of the bathroom wearing just jeans and a white t-shirt, Flynn found Jenna sitting on the futon. She seemed a little worn out, but still greeted him. The gila sat down by her side and looked at the clock - he actually had some twenty minutes to kill before getting out to pick his boyfriend up.

 

“Long day, huh?” Jenna asked, without looking from her phone.

 

“Long night,” Flynn retorted without thinking. Jenna now pocketed her phone and looked at him.

 

“Yeah… I heard that.”

 

That pissed Flynn off, but he just took a deep breath and exhaled. “Were ya eavesdropping on us?”

 

The fennec shrugged apologetically. “Hard not to. Our walls _are_ paper-thin and I have these ears.” She pointed at herself. “I’m pretty sure Teej can hear about just as well.”

 

Flynn blinked, wondering if the lynx had heard him jerking off before. Probably. The shower stall was right against the wall between TJ’s bedroom and the bathroom.

 

He sighed. “Yeah… Teej’s not happy that I was, maybe, too worried about him.”

 

Jenna assented. “Fair enough. I was guilty of that for a while.” She frowned. “I still am, sometimes.”

 

The fennec looked down, her ears drooping slightly. “Know, I feel it’s partially my fault for drilling both you and him about how much consent has been given. It irritated him and worried you. I’m sorry.”

 

“Well, nothin’ to be done about it now.” Flynn looked up, leaning back against the futon. Jenna shrugged.

 

“I don’t know. Maybe you could talk this over with him?”

 

“He sent me to bed, Jenna. I don’t think he wanna talk about that.” Flynn said in a deadpan manner.

 

“Maybe he did so because he thought he’d make you upset if he kept talking about it? While TJ is not the people-pleaser he used to be, he still cares about others’ feelings. I would say that it might be doubly so with you, considering your relationship.” She shrugged again, fishing her phone back from her pocket. “I could be wrong.”

 

“What if he’s keeping his true feelings secret?” The young lizard finally asked.

 

Jenna seemed annoyed at that. She lowered her phone - and Flynn could briefly see she had been talking to that Beatrice person - and furrowed her brows at him. “Listen, Flynn, do I have to spell it out for you? Last time he kept a secret from you, it ended in disaster. I doubt he would keep _anything_ from you from then on. Sure, he might try to find sensitive ways to break the news out if he thinks they might upset you - like he did yesterday. But to remain silent about how he feels? I doubt he will.”

 

“Hmm…” Flynn tried to think of something to say, but he looked up at the wall clock. “Well, I’m gonna go fetch Toby. Be back later.”

 

“Alright,” Jenna said, picking her phone up.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


“Hey Flynn,” TJ smiled and hopped into his boyfriend’s truck as soon as the gila opened the door for him. The gila seemed to hesitate, then leaned over and pulled TJ towards him with his right arm, and planted a kiss on the lynx’s forehead. TJ giggled - he liked when he did that.

 

“How was work?” Flynn asked as they drove home. His tone was a little tense, and the lynx knew that he was still thinking about what had happened.

 

Still, TJ decided to answer his question and just summarized about his day and anything interesting that happened. Eventually, he noticed the gila licking his lips and knew that Flynn was trying to build up the courage to say something.

 

And, on the first red light, the gila looked at him and said it: “I’m sorry, Toby. For yesterday. I know I was worried ‘bout ya, but I didn’t wanna come across like I’m treating ya as a kid. I was just… I was afraid I’d fuck up and hurt ya somehow.”

 

TJ’s ears lowered. His thoughts shifted to that afternoon in Echo, with Chase. At least, he knew he should not have to worry about that kind of scenario. He sighed.

 

“It’s alright… maybe I should’ve just talked with you, instead of being grumpy about it.”

 

“Here ya go, apologizing for somethin’ that’s not your fault-”

 

The lynx frowned, deciding to actually follow Chase’s advice - and his own resolve - to stand up for himself a bit more. Of course, he needed to be more tactful than when he had been with Carl. He raised a paw to make Flynn stop talking, surprised that it worked.

 

“Sure, you may have started it by not accepting my assurances. I understand, Flynn. I really do. But I know I also could have handled the situation better… I… I actually told you to leave because I was being a little petty. I wanted to pay back for treating me like a child. I’m sorry. I could have just told you how much I don’t like being coddled and wrapped in cotton wool all the time. I was already a little annoyed by how Jenna kept asking me if I was really into it. Then I was pent up when I came back from the symposium… I think that all made me more irritable than I usually am.”

 

They were on the move again, but TJ could tell that Flynn was paying attention to what he had been saying.

 

“So, yeah, we both could have handled things… a little better.”

 

Flynn sighed and nodded slowly. “I promise I’ll try to not treat ya like we did in the past.”

 

They drove a little more in silence, before Flynn finally spoke again.

 

“Know… for safety reasons, maybe we should come with a safeword. So, y’know, we know when to stop fuckin’ if one of us don’t like it.”

 

TJ’s ears perked up with interest. He recalled Richard and Luiz both talking about that before, but he had never given it much thought. Maybe that wasn’t a bad idea.

 

Especially since, with the lynx exploring his sexuality, he was bound to try things that he could have second thoughts about.

 

“That’s a pretty good idea. But what word will we use?” TJ said.

 

Flynn furrowed his ridges and seemed to be hard in thought. Eventually, he hummed, before briefly flashing a grin at the lynx.

 

“The safeword is ‘rollercoaster.’”

 

TJ blinked for a moment, then splayed his ears and forced a frown on his features.

 

“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?” He said dryly.

 

“No fuckin’ way. That was one of the few hilarious things that came out of that damn week.” Flynn chuckled, though that chuckle came out as somewhat bitter - likely from remembering the _rest_ of that week.

 

TJ decided to sigh in an exaggerated manner to show defeat. “Rollercoaster it is,” he mumbled.

 

“Don’t be like that. I’ll make up to ya.” The gila spoke, a hint of amusement on his tone now.

 

“Oh?” TJ’s ears perked up at that. That sounded promising.

 

Later that night, after they had dinner and Jenna retreated to her bedroom, the lynx found himself  sitting on the toilet, paw on his chin, as he stared at the pink metal can where he kept his douche out of sight. 

 

_To be, or not to be? That’s the question._

 

Well, the worst thing that could happen would be if they just did nothing that night. But he still decided to stick with the words of wisdom from Richard: “Make sure you’re always clean for a ‘possibility.’”

 

With that, the lynx got up and walked to the pink tin can, somewhat amused that he pretended to be using the bathroom for about five minutes, before deciding to actually do that.

 

After twenty minutes, TJ emerged from the bathroom, clean and smelling like his shampoo. Flynn turned around on the futon so he could see him. TJ decided to not put on his PJ shirt - why do that, if he planned to take it off again? 

 

His heart was still pounding, but he wanted to do this. He thought that people would be only anxious on their first time - maybe that was just him.

 

“So, uh, when you said you’d make it up to me… would you be willing to do that now?”

 

Flynn was taken aback, before smirking. “Lead the way, Toby,” he said.

  
  


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Words were unnecessary. They knew what each other wanted. As soon as Flynn closed and locked the door behind himself, he turned around only to be embraced by his lynx, who pulled him down and they locked muzzles in a kiss.

 

In fact, TJ was a little too eager - he almost got his lower lip cut on the gila’s bottom teeth, which would certainly ruin their night. They pulled back and TJ chuckled apologetically.

 

“Yeah, gotta be careful ‘bout that,” Flynn said. They kissed again, this time TJ reaching his paws into the gila’s winter jacket and feeling his chest, then his shoulders, finally pulling it off of Flynn. He then reached the hem of Flynn’s white t-shirt and proceeded to lift it up, almost managing to get it off before their height difference made it difficult, resulting on the young lizard having his shirt covering his head.

 

They both chuckled at the silliness of it, before Flynn finished removing the article of clothing that had been wrapped around his face. He noticed TJ going to his computer desk and opening the drawer on the right side, then retrieving his bottle of lube.

 

The gila licked his lips and swallowed. So that was it. He briefly debated whether he should ask TJ if he was sure or not.

 

But figured he could do it in a more… indirect manner.

 

“So, who tops tonight?”

 

The lynx’s ears perked up at him, and TJ turned around. “Uh, you do. I want to know how it feels.”

 

Flynn assented with his head. “Alright. Lie back. I’ll take the lead.”

 

TJ nodded rather enthusiastically and moved to his small bed. Flynn enjoyed looking at his pajama-clad ass. Indeed, it was cute to see that stub of a tail over that well-shaped butt his boyfriend had.

 

The gila’s cock twitched in his tight jeans at the thought that all of that was his. He hoped the feeling was mutual - he did catch TJ checking him out before.

 

It also did not escape the young lizard that Toby had not been wearing underpants beneath his pajamas this time. It appears the lynx was a quick learner.

 

After taking his pants off, enjoying how the young lynx looked with clear excitement at his tenting underwear - complete with a wet spot of pre right where the tip of Flynn’s cock strained against - the gila could not help but smile smugly. There he had: A man who desired him for more than just a romp - this lynx literally desired _him._

 

He crawled over the smaller male, making sure to place the lubricant bottle on the nightstand for a moment, before reaching behind TJ’s head once they were at eye-level and pulling him in for another kiss. This time it was less lustful and more tender, as their tongues wrestled and paws explored each other’s fit bodies. Flynn moaned when he felt he felt TJ’s soft paws brushing over the lines on his sides where the orange and black spots met, and he could feel TJ’s lips curling into a smile as they kissed.

 

 _The little motherfucker was, indeed, a quick learner,_ thought Flynn.

 

Eventually, Toby pulled back, panting.

 

“Let’s start… please?”

 

He looked so cute with his pleading eyes. Flynn nodded and pulled himself back to the end of the bed, balancing himself so he would not fall out. He grabbed the hem of TJ’s pajama pants and peeled them off, raising the lynx’s legs upwards as he pulled his pants up. Flynn was rewarded with a glimpse of TJ’s pink tailhole and his fuzzy, white-furred ballsack between his legs.

 

“Would ya like me to warm ya up before…?” TJ seemed to hesitate at Flynn’s question, then shook his head. He was clearly flushed beneath his fur.  
  


“Alright,” Flynn said, then reached for his own boxers and pulled them off. His cock throbbed when exposed to the cool air of TJ’s bedroom. He reached over for the bottle of lube and lifted TJ’s legs up again.

 

While it wasn’t exactly comfortable to keep that position for long, he knew that a mating press was the easiest way to poke the lynx’s prostate. He could put the lynx on all fours once he got used to it.

 

That and, as fucking sappy as it was, Flynn still wanted to see his face.

 

But, of course, first he had to prep the lynx. Hoisting TJ’s legs over his scaly shoulders, the gila leaned down until his hot breath was going against the lynx’s puckered hole. It clenched and his tail briefly covered it, before relaxing. Flynn held back a chuckle and moved to give it a kiss, before sliding his forked tongue out of his mouth and licking the ring of flesh, coating it with his saliva.

 

Of course, that made TJ squirm and moan. He heard the sound of fabric being torn and knew the lynx was digging his claws on the mattress again. TJ’s asshole kept clenching under his ministrations, and Flynn wished he could see the feline’s nine inch cock throbbing in rhythm with his involuntary constrictions.

 

Eventually, he prodded at the entrance with his tongue. TJ, once more, clenched at first, before relaxing. Flynn managed to push his entire tongue in - easy, considering how thin it was.

 

“Ah- Flynn…” TJ said, his voice wavering. He felt the lynx reach for his cock with one paw, but this time he allowed him to slowly jerk himself off.

 

Flynn kept eating his boyfriend’s ass until TJ wasn’t clenching as much anymore and pulled off, still keeping the lynx’s legs hooked over his shoulder. TJ was a flexible creature, and he knew that wouldn’t put much strain on his back as it would do to the gila, were their places inverted.

 

Now the gila coated his finger in lubricant and, gently, ran it around the rim of TJ’s asshole, before gently introducing it. 

 

TJ instantly closed his eyes tight and his face contorted into one of his discomfort - his paw letting go of his cock. Flynn kept his finger there while the lynx clenched around it, but it turned out TJ relaxed faster than he expected. The lynx opened his eyes again.

 

Toby appeared to read the question that was forming in Flynn’s thoughts before he even asked it: “G-go on. It feels like it’s… burning? Sort of? But it’s not ba- nnnn!”

 

After the confirmation, Flynn took advantage of his long finger to gently prod at the lynx’s prostate. It cut TJ’s assurance short as he felt the younger male’s tailhole clenching around his finger - alongside his buttocks flexing and his hips gently bucking up. A dollop of pre emerged from TJ’s throbbing cock and slid down its shaft, wetting the fur at the lynx’s sheath.

 

Flynn kept rubbing gently at the sweet spot he had learned to hit in any man long ago. It was not often he found himself doing that and the gila let his thoughts wander as he inserted yet another finger in.

 

It showed that Toby had a huge degree of trust on him, to allow himself to not only be so vulnerable in his presence - like during their first time - but also to let Flynn do this. There was no doubt that TJ wanted to feel his lover inside of him, and Flynn was happy to oblige.

 

The gila hoisted TJ’s waist up so he could more easily apply the lubricant directly on and into the feline’s asshole. He was very liberal with it, knowing it would be good for first-timers like Toby. Flynn wished he had known that during _his_ first time.

 

If it were anyone else, Flynn would not have cared for that much gentleness - if anything, he recalled shoving a finger up Carl’s un-lubed, unwashed asshole when they were sixty-nining, back when the ram was lonely, pent up and… exploring his sexuality.

 

It was not that he did not care for Carl. It had more to do with how he wanted to make TJ feel good, to let him know his trust was not misplaced. Flynn now could get both fingers all the way to the knuckle and the lynx was starting to get used to the sensation.

 

TJ continued stroking his cock, though it was now only half-hard. That happened to some guys, Flynn knew. He was about to pull his fingers off when, much to his surprise, the lynx wiggled himself against his digits, only stopping once Flynn started hitting TJ’s sweet spot.

 

His boyfriend made a noise that sounded like a ‘hmph’, but his hips bucked forward and he started jerking himself faster. Flynn noticed he was getting too close to his climax, he decided that would be the time. He was surprised to see TJ slowing down and, ultimately, letting go of his cock.

 

“I was… pretty close,” TJ said, panting.

 

Flynn chuckled and applied another liberal dose of lube to his cock, feeling the brief cold sensation of the room temperature gel on his warm member. “Are ya ready?”

 

TJ nodded and Flynn got himself closer, on his knees, hoisting TJ’s hips up. The lynx seemed to know what he was trying to do, because Flynn found his view of his boyfriend briefly obscured when TJ thrusted his large, fluffy pillow at the gila’s face.

 

He could not help but snort and take the item, placing it underneath TJ’s lower back, satisfied with how willing the young feline was.

 

Without another word, Flynn grabbed his cock and prodded at the lynx’s tailhole with its head. Predictably, he clenched once more, but quickly relaxed so Flynn could stick it halfway in. Toby sucked in a deep breath, and the gila stopped, letting him get used to the feeling.

 

The lizard would not complain: He enjoyed feeling his own throbbing member being squeezed like a vice by TJ’s tight butthole. It had been a while since he both topped and had someone that tight. And he enjoyed every moment of it. 

 

He felt TJ quickly relaxing and wiggling his hips, as if wanting him in, despite the look of discomfort on his face. Yes, while the physical sensation was great, it did not escape Flynn that it felt as if they were becoming one.

 

The gila hilted himself into his lover, the soft fur of TJ’s balls gently tickling the lizard’s navel.

 

TJ’s nostrils were flaring and he took deep, labored breaths, and TJ nearly wrapped his legs around Flynn, almost making the older male lose his hold and forcing him to readjust himself. Flynn looked at his eyes and it was clear TJ wanted all he had to give.

 

It was then when Flynn decided to just start thrusting. His pace started slow, but he was quickly gaining speed. Soon, the wet sounds of sex joined the cacophony made by his and Toby’s moans and the occasional swear by Flynn - or swearing God’s name in vain in TJ’s case.

 

The gila grabbed TJ’s waist for leverage and hunched forward, smelling the musk wafting from Toby’s dick as it was finally hard again. As Flynn picked up speed, he could not help but enjoy a new aspect about all of it: The fact they were doing it out of genuine affection. It wasn’t just a race to make sure they would have a good time through what worked, but something that made Flynn feel validated, desired, loved.

 

And, through the haze of pleasure that clouded the gila’s thoughts, he could tell TJ felt the same.

 

“Fuck…!” Flynn said. He wouldn’t last long. TJ ceased to jerk off and grabbed Flynn’s thighs, the lizard briefly seeing stars once he felt the claws sinking into his scales. Flynn let out a moan, but not out of pain.

 

Toby moaned in bliss as well and, soon enough, with the tell-tale signs of TJ’s curling feet-paws, his trembling body, and his ass clenching tight as his hips bucked forward again, the younger male came over himself, his half-hard cock gracelessly smacking itself against the feline’s navel with every heavy thrust by Flynn, and blowing his load all over the lynx’s belly (though some stray drops managed to hit his bed). “Oh God, Flynn…!” TJ cried.

 

Flynn had been holding himself back and decided to just try and finish himself inside his lover. With panting breaths, sometimes punctuated by brief moans as he felt his own instincts take over the closer he got, he finally slammed himself against the lynx, gripping Toby’s waist tighter and firing burst after burst of cum inside the lynx, effectively bringing their lovemaking to a conclusion.

 

After thrusting lazily a few more times, Flynn eventually slid himself off his lover, lying down on his bed besides TJ. They both just laid there, panting and looking at each other for a little while, both trying to gather their wits and catch their breath while enjoying their afterglow.

 

Sometime - Flynn was not sure when - TJ had retrieved his pillow and they both now rested their heads on it. The lynx slowly ran his paw over Flynn’s chest, as the gila held his lover with one arm half-draped around him, the other hand cupped his face gently. 

 

Toby flashed a tired, but genuine smile at him, and Flynn could not resist pulling the lynx even closer to kiss his lips, then kiss all over his face, making TJ giggle softly as his furry paws gently caressed Flynn’s orange spots.

 

Neither of them cared about the drying cum on their bodies. Nothing but each other mattered during that moment.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


TJ’s butt felt sore. But he was happy - it did not hurt much more than he imagined it would. And it turned out Flynn really knew how to press the right buttons.

 

In a way, it felt weird how, when he tried to please himself by stimulating his prostate, he could not do it very well. Once in a while he’d hit the right spot, but it was never enough times for him to come. This had been the first time he came hands-free and, if he had to be honest with himself, he quite enjoyed it. Like everything before, it was new and exciting.

 

Maybe it would get better with practice. The lynx idly wondered if he should buy a slightly bigger toy.

 

“So… was it good enough for ya?” Flynn said, breaking the silence. TJ’s ears perked at his lover’s voice and he smiled at him.

 

“Yeah…” It sounded a little underwhelming, but TJ’s mind was still swimming in various different directions at once. Fortunately, it seemed Flynn understood that, because he did not seemed disappointed with his tone, which was pretty much a whisper.

 

“Been a while since the last time I topped anyone. Almost forgot how fun it was,” the gila continued.

 

“How come?” TJ said, running his right paw over Flynn’s chest. The lizard shrugged.

 

“Most guys just wanted a quick pump n’ dump. I suppose the arrangement worked back then. Besides, all I had to do was to get on all fours and take it.”

 

“Makes sense…” The lynx did not know what else to say.

 

“How’s your back?”

 

“Fine. I’m quite limber, you know,” TJ smiled in reassurance. “And how about your thighs?”

 

“Eh, these won’t even leave a scar. If they did, I’d take ‘em with pride. It’d mean ya marked me.” He grinned. TJ chuckled and shook his head.

 

 “Ah, I don’t like hurting other people. It’s… it’s why I was so reluctant to stand up for myself at first.”

 

Flynn’s smile faltered and TJ sighed. _Way to go, Tobias._

 

“Thinkin’ about that shit with Carl?” Flynn said. TJ hesitated, then nodded.

 

“I mean, I thought about texting him an apology, but it sounds so… wrong. I mean, if he were living in Echo still, I would probably have done just that already. But I feel the need to do it personally since he’s here… but I’m afraid he might reject it.”

 

“Yeah, I doubt he will,” Flynn interjected. “Carl might be many things, but he’s a nice guy when the day’s done. I told ya I’d be there for ya, and I will. He’s gonna be at Luiz’s place this weekend. He wanted me to ask you and Jenna to come. You could do it then.”

 

TJ thought a little, then nodded. “Yeah, that would be good.”

 

“Well, glad we solved this…” Flynn furrowed his ridges and TJ wondered what was bothering him.

 

Without another word, the gila reached down for his discarded jeans and fished his phone out of the pocket. He quickly unlocked it with a rather simple pattern, and proceeded to tap at it. TJ’s ears twitched with each noise coming from the phone as the gila fiddled with it.

 

“Erm, let me guess… Jenna’s messaging?” TJ risked. Flynn briefly looked at him.

 

“Hm? Ah, no, no. I mean, she did - she just said ‘I got earmuffs on. Have fun.’ But it’s not that,” he said, still seemingly in thought. TJ peeked and saw that Flynn had been opening Muzzlebook.

 

“All this talk about apologies and shit reminded me I still owe one to someone I treated like shit for a while for no fuckin’ reason other than me being some angsty asshole that hated my life.”

 

TJ noticed he had opened the profile page of some blue lizard - no, it was a salamander - named Daxton - he couldn’t get the surname as Flynn opened the Private Message tab.

 

He decided to let Flynn do it without eavesdropping on him.

 

The lynx settled back down in bed with a content sigh.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


_“Hey, Daxton. If you don’t remember me, I’m Flynn, your former roommate back in Echo. I suck at this shit, so I’ll get straight to the point: I’m sorry for being an angsty asshole to you. Even if I had a lot of shit on my plate, there’s no fucking excuse for unloading my frustrations on ya. I know chances are you’re asleep by now, so, yeah. I just hope ya can forgive me for being a cunt. I hope you’re doing alright. And if ya ever need somewhere in Pueblo to crash for a few days, I’ll talk my roomies into allowing it. I’m doing well. Better than I ever hoped to be, to be honest._

_Anyway, I won’t bother ya with my life. I just regret not having been nice to ya. You were a pretty cool guy, and I just realized it after you were long gone. Seeya man.”_

 

Flynn sighed and sent the message. It felt like he got yet another huge weight off his chest. The gila started scanning his memory for other people he might have owed an apology to.

 

TJ was also playing with his phone. But, judging by how he slid his fingers on the screen, the lynx had been checking his Muzzlebook.

 

Well, there was no one that really came to mind. Ryan would live without him, so he did not mind having gone without as much as telling him when he’d be leaving. And he wasn’t really on speaking terms with his aunt, but it was due to the weird attitude she had with his near-death. She raved and spoke of ripples and tides. Flynn had no time for that shit - though he could have used what she had told him before he had nearly gotten himself killed by the muskshit Chase.

 

There was someone that he did not exactly owed an apology to, for he had been an asshole to the gila. But, considering what Flynn went through, he could kind of sympathize with him.

 

Flynn went back to the main page of his Muzzlebook and started typing on the search engine.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Leo laid down in his bed, looking at the ceiling. The wolf sighed, wallowing in his self-pity, his mind slightly fogged by all the whiskey he had drank.

 

Though he was far from being as drunk as he wanted.

 

His phone buzzed and beeped. Someone had messaged him. He picked it up only to be disappointed that it was the alarm bell for something on Muzzlebook.

 

Still, the wolf decided to check it, if anything, because the shitload of messages on his phone screen always bothered him. For a moment, he thought his mind was playing tricks on him.

 

There, in the center of his phone, it read:

 

_Flynn Moore wants to add you as a friend._

 

Despite his alcohol-addled mind, Leo managed to focus on the lizard’s profile picture: He seemed healthy. Much healthier than he remembered. His shoulders seemed to be broader, and the gila had the same brooding face he’s always had. And what was he wearing?

 

Did Flynn become a cop? Leo narrowed his eyes and read the badge on his black hat: _Security Officer._

 

 _Ah. Un vigilante,_ he thought.

 

They did not depart on good terms. In fact, Flynn simply left, leaving him even lonelier. Not that they had been talking by then - after his near-death, Leo could barely look at Flynn in the eye. He tried to talk to him a couple of times, but the gila would be aloof and he figured his company was not welcome.

 

That and, if he had to be honest, seeing Flynn reminded Leo of what Chase had done. He still couldn’t understand _porque carajos_ the otter would do that.

 

Still, it was one familiar person extending an olive branch to him. Maybe he should take it. After all, what he had to lose?

 

Leonardo accepted the friend request. Upon opening Flynn’s profile, he had briefly caught up with the basic info on the left corner: Indeed, became a security guard. Seemed to be living with Jenna and TJ (judging by the few pictures he could see - mostly by Carl or Jenna other than himself) and… something he never thought he would see in his life.

 

_Mas que carajos que está pasando?_

 

There, in Flynn’s profile information, it read: _‘In a serious relationship with Tobias J. Hess.’_

 

Now Leo really felt out of the loop. 

 

 _¿Que pasa? ¿De que me perdi?_ Leo thought before deducing that the answer was, apparently, a lot.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much, Delphy, for catching a few horrible mistakes that I didn't see! :3
> 
> Thank you to Daxton for letting me use his character (well as a mention)! 8D


	34. One Flew Over The Owl's Nest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After seeing that her career choice wasn't exactly all she had hoped to be, Jenna decides to hatch a plan to make her job a little better. Or, at least, improve the lives of the patients under her care.
> 
> For that, she decides to use another hangout where Carl can use one of Flynn's boss' video game consoles for one of his videos to get the help she needed. Meanwhile, TJ has his own plans for the hangout and finally getting something off his chest that he had been wanting to say in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to Dracoil for giving me a few ideas (especially the music one - you'll see) and OrionT, for letting me insert a bit of fanart he did (that inspired the first ideas which would become this fanfiction) into the fic's storyline. 
> 
> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27537687/ <\--- The picture that helped start it all.
> 
> Shout out to Delphy for spotting and correcting my English mistake on the summary!

**One Flew Over The Owl’s Nest**

 

Jenna did not like counseling. She felt as if she could be much more than the common shrink with an office somewhere.

 

But, alas, life did not move accordingly with the plan. While she did not work in a clinic anymore (and actually could conduct limited research now), she still kept doing pretty much of the same at the Pueblo Mental Health Institute. It was a cool February morning, just the way she liked - if she wanted to wear either light clothes or pants and a blouse, it would be comfortable.

 

In a way, it frustrated her that good weather was the only thing she looked forward as of late. She sighed as her shower had been coming to an end. The fennec heard Flynn and TJ leave in the meantime.

 

Today, she had to put up with a sixteen hour shift.

 

Sixteen. Hours.

 

She knew they had a staffing shortage. Most professionals preferred to go for higher-paid jobs. She and Carla did try a few times to do just that, but the offers were too few and far in between and Jenna lacked the connections to do so. So all she could do the previous night was to hope her friends would not decide to have sex. Lucky for her, they seemed to guess and - from what she could hear - they just had a brief talk and a few cuddles before going to sleep early.

 

Things seemed to be bleak, considering she had seen her coworker - and perhaps friend - was _overqualified_ for her position: The owl had graduated at the top of her class from Yale, did her post-graduation in the University of Southern California - which made her a _true_ doctor - and she also had taken a full nursing course AND additionally, started studying medicine for a year, showing interest in neurology before she quit.

 

She had done that in so little time, that it was almost as if Carla did not have personal life.

 

Jenna turned the water off and shook most of the water off of her fur before she stepped out of the shower stall. 

 

The vixen started dabbing herself dry, her mind wandered to a detail on her colleague’s office: She never had any family photos. Or decoration. Or _anything_ that showcased her personality other than job-related items.

 

During their outings, Jenna had learned Carla enjoyed the paranormal, but that was about it. Usually, the owl would either make the younger woman talk, or Jenna would talk and the older woman would react to it.

 

Maybe Carla was truly married to the job.

 

Jenna quickly got dressed in black trousers and a white shirt - her usual getup for work - and made sure to grab her white coat, and her purse before making sure everything was in order. Once the fennec was satisfied, she locked the door behind herself and went off to work.

 

Once she arrived, Jenna stayed inside her car, idly tapping her delicate fingers on the steering wheel of the old Volvo as she looked at the mental hospital she worked at. Pondering on all her journey, she briefly wondered if it was worth all the hassle.

 

_Yes, it was!_

 

Jenna took a deep breath and blew it out. It was time. She grabbed her things and entered the Institute while putting on her white coat.

 

The vixen made her way inside while simultaneously greeting the other staff. Soon enough, she found Carla standing by the water cooler, talking with one of the nurses of their ward - dedicated to geriatrics and suicidal patients. The nurse was an older, somewhat heavy-set lioness named Hellen Smith. The lioness yawned and turned around with the owl to greet Jenna.

 

“Good morning, Ms. Begay. I was talking with Mrs. Smith about the best way we can rotate both of ourselves and the nursing staff without wearing everyone out. She’s pulling her third shift now.”

 

Hellen yawned once more, one paw raised up apologetically. “I slept only three hours.”

 

Jenna chuckled. “I know the feeling.”

 

“She did that in that old couch in the break room.” Carla said. The fennec’s ears lowered briefly.

 

“I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t even want to know what it did to your back,” Jenna said with some sympathy.

 

“Eh, nothin’ the years haven’t done before,” the lioness responded with a tired smile.

 

“Alright. Let’s go to our ward. Dr. Carlyle will be coming soon and I really do not feel like looking at his face.”

 

Dr. Michael Carlyle was the Director of the Pueblo Mental Health Institute. Jenna had seen the owl butting heads with that aardvark quite a few times and knew they really did not like each other.

 

But the place was in dire need for professionals, hence why he did not simply dismiss Carla. Still, everyone knew it was for the best to not push him too far. Another factor might have been the fact that Carla had some blackmail material over him and made clear she was going to open her beak if she ever got fired.

 

“Would you like to take the morning group therapy session, Ms. Begay?” Carla asked as they walked to their shared office. Jenna furrowed her brow.

 

Usually, they would divide their tasks so they would not get overworked too early on the day. As Carla had been the only one of them who pulled double shifts so far, Jenna had gotten used to start her job doing most of the paperwork, evaluating a few individual cases, collecting data for her ‘nature vs nurture’ research, and sometimes dealing with patients in need to increase or lower their medication - or change it altogether.

 

“If you do, then we can find a way to have you spend the next four to six hours doing paperwork. Sadly, I only have a single shift now, and so will Hellen. Which means you’ll be on your own for the second eight hours.”

 

“Sounds good to me.” Jenna fought to keep her ears up. In a way, she was envious how avians lacked almost any facial expression, which forced them to show it with slight tilts of their heads and with their eyes. Her bemusement did not escape neither of her colleagues.

 

“It ain’t that bad, Jen,” Hellen said in a friendly tone, “you know most of the guys here are nice. Just be on your toes with Alice and it’ll be fine.”

 

Alice Rothmans was the Head Nurse of their ward. She was a white rat and she and Carla really did not like each other either. During her first week, Jenna had witnessed them getting into a shouting match.

 

She also seemed to enjoy the trust and support of Dr. Carlyle, as well as that of a few other seniors in the hospital. Jenna never liked workplace politics, but she knew it was for the best to learn how to navigate them, if only to make sure her own shift would be as painless as possible.

 

“Sure, I can do that.” Jenna said.

 

They finally reached their office and bid their goodbyes to Hellen. And, so, Jenna Begay steeled herself for her day to start.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


“I’m glad to see your progress, Mr. Jameson. If things keep this way, I believe you should be fit to go back outside before the year ends,” Jenna smiled as she told Wesley Jameson - a middle-aged poodle with somewhat yellowed fur - about his progress.

 

“Thank you, Doctor!” The dog vigorously shook her paw. Jenna stopped trying to explain she was not a doctor yet around the third week into her job. She learned it was better to not make her patients feel awkward. Jameson had a mild case of Agoraphobia and had not responded well to his initial medication - usually Fluoxetine and Bupropion (the fennec wondered why did they even give the man these stuff).

 

Carla did mention most doctors preferred to rely on newer medicine. Which was why Jenna decided to experiment replacing his prescription with Clonidine, Doxepin and Lorazepam. These were older drugs, but they worked better for anxiety disorders. And what did they know - it worked. By now, Jameson was off the Lorazepam, and they had reduced the amount of his medication by half. He was doing well.

 

The dog excused himself and left. He was the last major case for her to deal with and the fennec leaned back on her chair and sighed, before looking at Carla’s grandfather clock - she still had some twenty minutes to go.

 

Jenna decided to stretch her legs. She did not know if she lucked out or not, but the bulk of her work after the first group therapy session had been mostly at her office. Not having to look at the Head Nurse’s sneer (comparable to the face one made when smelling fresh feces) was a good thing, but Jenna grew bored (and sore) from sitting for so long.

 

As she walked around her ward - most patients were already asleep, though some were busy reading the books their relatives brought to them - the fennec’s mind wandered to the single amusing incident that day.

 

One of the patients had a psychotic episode and had to be restrained - he broke his fingers when slamming his hands on to the ground. Sadly, the only nurse nearby was an elderly meerkat Jenna just knew by his last name - Johnson - and she and Carla ended up having to help him.

 

Alice had been outside smoking and, once she came back, the owl had a brief argument with her.

 

“I see myself in this ward more often than you are. I did not realize that smoking breaks took half of a shift now.” Carla had said as soon as the Head Nurse walked in, the owl keeping her arms crossed.

 

“Fuck off, Sanderson,” was what the rat said and she tried to walk around the owl. Carla reached for her arm and turned her around so they would be face-to-face again.

 

“You have been smoking too much, Nurse Rothmans. Perhaps you suffer from some anxiety-related issues. Would you like to get help? My office is always open.” The owl tilted her head as if raising one eyebrow.

 

“I told you to leave me alone, Carla!” Alice’s voice raised, prompting a few of the patients to look at the duo with worry. Jenna and the other nurses made a gesture with their paws to indicate it was alright.

 

“Hm. You seem to have a lot of pent up aggression. I recommend a lobotomy.” Carla said, then passed the Head Nurse over, making sure to move her out of her way as she went back to her office.

 

It was somewhat amusing to see her colleague when she was being passive-aggressive. Still, eventually Dr. Carlyle did come down to their office and tried to chew Carla out over it. Jenna decided to stick her nose on her paperwork, as the owl had advised her before, but could not help but notice the avian stood her ground. Eventually, the Director moved to the door, but did not leave before giving an ultimatum:

 

“We may need all the professionals we can have, but you’ll do well to remember nobody’s irreplaceable, Dr. Sanderson,” the aardvark said.

 

Carla pretended to be distracted with her paperwork. “If you are finished then, please, do not let the door hit your behind on your way out.” The owl said as she jotted down a few notes on their next patient’s records.

 

Later, however, Carla had confessed she does worry. Not just for the patients, but also for herself and her colleagues.

 

She went to the lobby for a quick chat with the night watchman and the receptionist. She did not know either all too well, but she was bored. It was when the doors slammed open and some woman - a heavy-set skunk - came carrying a child in his early teens (probably hers) in her arms.

 

The woman was clearly getting over the edge. From what Jenna could gather, her son suffered from a bad case of schizophrenia and had a psychotic break. She went to the ER with him in her town, but none of them were trained to handle mental cases and the staff there had been pretty neglectful.

 

Dr. Carlyle was leaving for the day when he walked into the scene. He watched it all with one hand over his mouth, but Jenna could see he expressed no emotion. And it was clear her son was giving up.

 

The skunk was despairing and on the verge of a breakdown herself. The Director told her that there was nothing they could do, despite her driving all the way from Denver.

 

Jenna’s ears drooped. She knew there was a free bed or two from that morning, in the ward destined for children and teenagers. But she also knew it would be risky to say that. She had a career to consider.

 

“THE STATE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT US!” the skunk screamed as she fell on her knees, crying. Her son embraced her. Jenna swallowed, her common sense tolling her to not interfere. To turn a blind eye. That was her chance to actually start small, publish her paper, get known and move on to more prestigious institutes.  
  
It was then when the vixen started thinking about the moment she had walked out on Flynn, Chase and TJ, and felt the guilt welling up inside of her, sending shivers through her entire body and making her small frame tremble in indignation, anger, and regret.

 

The fennec still wondered if, had she decided to stay, she could have helped avoid things to escalate to the point they did. As much as she tried to ignore the feeling - they were all alive, after all - she kept thinking about it every time she was alone.

 

Jenna sighed, thinking about how she hated herself for what she was about to do. _‘But I’m not abandoning people anymore,’_ she resolved.

 

“Uhm, ma’am, there’s a free spot here as of this morning, actually!” She tried to force her ears up when both the skunks and Dr. Carlyle looked at her in surprise. Only the aardvark’s look started to become one of pure anger.

 

“Two patients were allowed to go back home today,” she said while alternating her gaze between the Director and the mother and son. The fennec was doing her best to keep her voice steady and look calm, but her heart was racing.

 

“Is that so?” The skunk said, looking lost between Jenna, Dr. Carlyle, and the receptionist.

 

Dr. Carlyle gave the receptionist a look, who typed at her computer, then nodded at him. The aardvark sighed.

 

“Let her fill the paperwork, call the night nurse and the ward’s psychiatrist to evaluate the patient and get ready to administer the appropriate medication. Ms. Begay, in my office.”

 

Jenna’s brief moment of glory was short-lived. Though as she walked around the reception desk, she was almost glomped by the skunk woman, who thanked her profusely. It helped the vixen feel a little better.

 

“Let’s go!” Dr. Carlyle said impatiently.

 

At his office, Jenna closed the door and refused the seat he offered, opting to cross her arms. Still, she found hard to keep her ears up.

 

“I’ll be short and sweet with you: Never, _ever_ again, go against what I say. You may think you’re doing something good here, but our budget’s in the red and we can’t afford to have other patients.”

 

Jenna felt herself growing hot as her anger welled up. Her ears were now pinned behind her head and she had trouble to not show her sharp teeth in a snarl. “So… we’d let that kid suffer, perhaps even die because of that?”

 

“If it comes to that, it’s sad, but necessary,” the aardvark promptly said.

 

“Bullshit. I didn’t sign up to work helping people for this to happen.”

 

“Ms. Begay, I never took you for someone to be so disrespectful. And, according to your own interview, you wanted to do research. What’s it to you that you’re trying to change the world now?”

 

“I have ethics, that’s what happened. Maybe… maybe you’ve been in this office so long that you forgot what’s it to be a person. But I came from a different pla-”

 

“If you do not like how things are done here, then I advise you to find yourself another job. This is going to your record, Ms. Begay. That will be all, now get out of my office.” Dr. Carlyle abruptly cut her.

 

She stood there simmering for a few seconds, before curtly nodding and marching out of the door.

 

Jenna did not recall if she said her goodbyes to her colleagues. All she remembered was that she got her things, clocked out, and marched to her old car.

 

Once inside, the fennec groaned in anger, slamming her paws at the steering wheel. She was shaking, and it took a few minutes of deep breathing to calm herself down, allowing her to feel the dull pain welling on her paws.

 

She picked her phone and scrolled through her contacts. It was near midnight, but she needed to tell Carla what happened. Jenna quickly typed a message and sent it.

 

Much to her surprise, it did not take long for her phone to buzz with Carla’s answer:

 

_From: Dr. Sanderson_

_This is horrible. I will fight that even if it costs me everything._

 

Jenna sighed and typed her answer.

 

_To: Dr. Sanderson_

_I’m afraid. I might get fired for this._

 

_From: Dr. Sanderson_

_Any regrets?_

 

_To: Dr. Sanderson_

_I didn’t think it’d be this hard to do follow my dream._

 

_From: Dr. Sanderson_

_Listen, Jenna, living is hard. Unless you’re lucky. I know it might get hard and tiresome a few times. Believe me, I do. But I realized that things would not improve for anyone or myself if we did not take a bullet for them. I made my decision to be the change I wanted to be in the world. I know it is a huge risk, I know it is hard, but why not?_

 

_From: Dr. Sanderson_

_The few good things we have nowadays were achieved through the work and sacrifice of people like us. Even when they might not have accomplished everything they wanted, they still tended to do a lot of good on the way. Don’t give up. You made so far from where you came from._

 

Jenna smiled and her ears perked up slightly. Indeed, she did come a long way there. Though part of her considered easy for the owl who seemed to get where she wanted in life so easily to tell her that.

 

And she decided to say that.

 

_To: Dr. Sanderson_

_Thanks. Though it’s easy for you to say: You have some four or five diplomas._

 

Her phone buzzed.

 

_From: Dr. Sanderson_

_One day, I might tell you where I came from. For now, suffice to say I have no family whatsoever. It has been like this for 31 years._

 

Well… that was a surprise. But, in hindsight, it made sense.

 

_To: Dr. Sanderson_

_Sorry about that._

 

_From: Dr. Sanderson_

_I am used to it. Anyway, I am going to sleep now. Good night._

 

_To: Dr. Sanderson_

_Alright, Carla. Good night!_

 

Jenna sighed and decided to drive home, she was distracted through all the way, trying to think on the best way to deal with that kind of problem.

 

It was nearly one in the morning by the time Jenna managed to get home. She locked her car and sighed, feeling like going up the stairs to the apartment she lived took the same amount of effort as hiking through the steeper trails in Echo. The fennec opened the door and was greeted by darkness.

 

She could see pretty well, however, and the futon was still folded into a couch. Flynn was obviously sleeping with TJ, then. She locked the door and turned on the lights, briefly being blinded by them.

 

Once her eyes adjusted again to the lit living room, Jenna noticed a small note with TJ’s handwriting:

 

_There’s some salad and fish in the fridge -TJ_

 

Jenna smiled slightly. It was a novelty to have TJ, of all people, taking care of her. It was something so small, yet, the vixen never imagined in a million years that she would see that moment.

 

The fennec ate in silence. As she did so, her mind wandered back to a few things she had picked up from what Flynn and TJ had told her about the gila’s bosses.

 

Apparently, Richard was good enough with pulling a few strings here and there to get something he wanted. However, Flynn had told her that the goat had no influence over the Institute. He found it out when he asked his boss if he could help her and the ibex flat-out said he could not.

 

After finishing her meal and washing the dishes, Jenna had one idea that could work. She went to the futon and gracelessly dropped herself on its seat with a sigh. Then she pulled out her phone and entered Muzzlebook.

 

When she came home after going to Richard and Luiz’s house, the fennec was surprised to find both of them sent friend requests to her Muzzlebook. She had accepted, and now she was thankful for that: Jenna recalled seeing quite a few things shared by both of them.

 

Including the times they rubbed shoulders with a Colorado State Senator hopeful.

 

In fact, as she looked further, Thomas Gonzalez - the candidate - seemed to be on both of their friends list. As well as the DA, his assistant, and two City Councilmen.

 

 _Interesting._ Jenna thought with a smirk forming on her muzzle.

 

Due to a few problems (mostly Flynn and TJ’s work schedules being all over the place), they could not go hang out at Bella Sancti Estate. But now that Luiz was back from his vacation, the fennec considered asking Flynn to convince the tegu to give him a break during a day both she and TJ were free.

 

At the hangout, she would tell the problem to his bosses. They were just as passionate about good causes as she was…

 

 _Or, rather, as I_ actually _am now_ , she thought, the smile on her muzzle being instantly replaced by a frown.

 

She was becoming a better person as the years went on, but there were still some issues of which Jenna had to deal with. Some things she would never be able to undo.

 

With another sigh, the petite vixen got up and decided to go with her evening routine and, hopefully, catch some sleep. She would wake up early for work the next day - thankfully, a single shift this time.

  
  


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The next day, Jenna found herself telling Carla about her idea. And, much to her surprise… the owl seemed reluctant.

 

“I do not know… you have to admit it is not guaranteed that your plan will work. If anything, it can backfire spectacularly.”

 

Jenna knew the owl had a point. But she had made up her mind. The last time she had such resolve, had been when she left home.

 

“You told me that it’s worth taking risks for the good of others, Carla. That’s what I’m going to do.”

 

The avian looked at Jenna with a hint of a smirk in her eyes. “There is no way to convince you to stop now, is there?”

 

“Not a chance,” said the fennec with a small chuckle.

 

Carla sighed and shrugged. “Very well. I shall supply you with the material I have. Patients getting the wrong medication, cases of neglect, cases of gross negligence… I take you managed to get the information on the mother and her son, so we could contact them, right?”

 

The vixen nodded.

 

“Good. When will you be meeting Mr. Maitland?”

 

“This Saturday, if everything works well. TJ will have it off, and I’m confident that so will Flynn. He has worked for nine days without a break now, so I have to check. But, knowing his boss, he tends to give at least two Saturdays off per month.”

 

Carla cleared her throat and Jenna turned around to see Nurse Rothmans approach. Both of them muttered their greetings, and the nurse returned it with a small huff and a nod, before going to the nurse’s station.

 

“I’ll ask Flynn once I get home.”

 

“I sure hope this works,” said the avian. It was so rare to see Carla acting reluctant, “because you really sold the idea to me. I do not have a problem with how it can affect me if this backfires, Jenna. I am just afraid for your future if that happens.”

 

The fennec sighed. “I’ve made my decision. I…” Jenna uncrossed her arms, her right arm just hung by her side while the left was gently supported on her hip. She hard a hard time meeting the owl’s gaze. “I might have worried about TJ… and Chase… I worried and cared for them in the past. But… I realized I had been a little selfish in the past…” 

 

“So you want to make up for that.” It was a statement, not a question. Jenna sighed and nodded at the owl, trying and failing to keep her ears up.

 

“I wouldn’t put it that way… but the answer might be ‘yes.’ Frankly, I don’t know and I don’t care. I just want to do things the right way.”

 

“And we shall,” Carla nodded, “I put my faith in your idea.”

 

“Thanks, Carla.” Jenna smiled, her ears perking up.

 

After that brief talk, both women decided to continue their work as normal. Jenna was actually content to discover a few of her former patients had managed to treat themselves with other therapists. One or two of them were bad cases of depression and it actually worried her a little.

 

So, seeing that they were still getting treatment put her at ease.

 

The rest of the day went by fast and, soon enough, the fennec found herself clocking out. After saying her goodbyes to Carla, Jenna drove straight home. Flynn and TJ would be arriving soon and she needed to ask him about their next hangout.

 

Meanwhile, the small vixen went on with her routine: She took a shower, got herself a comfortable outfit, and laid down on the futon while chatting with Bea on her phone.

 

Her ears twitched when she heard the tell-tale noise of keys clinking together and the door lock being open. She also could hear - and wish she could _unhear_ \- Flynn and TJ talking about Flynn bringing the handcuffs home.

 

Looks like she had another long night awake ahead of herself to look forward to. _Oh, joy._

 

Later, during dinner, Jenna dabbed her lips with a napkin and looked at Flynn, trying to figure what was the best approach. The fennec settled for being straightforward:

 

“Flynn, think you’ll get this Saturday off?”

 

The gila was chewing some of his salad and made sure to swallow before talking. “I get it off, why? Wanna hang out with us at my bosses’ place again?”

 

Jenna nodded. “I need to talk to Richard.”

 

“Hm, I see…” Flynn seemed unsure, but resumed eating. TJ was the one who asked what the gila likely wanted to.

 

“So… what do you want to talk to him about?” His ears briefly splayed before going up again.

 

Now, there was a time Jenna would want to keep it secret. But as time went on and the fennec lived with them, she had broken her barriers with the duo a while ago. They were practically her family now.

 

A weird, screwed-up family.

 

“It’s about work. I… there’s some nasty stuff going on there and I’d like to see if Richard knows anyone who can do something about it.”

 

“Oh, I see,” TJ’s ears drooped. Flynn stopped eating - he was nearly done anyway - and gently stroked the lynx’s paw over the table.

 

“Well, all I can say is he just might,” Flynn said. “I hear he helped prop up a senator. He is aiming to get a _federal_ senator now. Fat chance, considering folks don’t seem to like the Dems as of late.”

 

“Weirder, more unlikely things happened before.” TJ said, almost forgetting just how close it was to their lives.

 

When the thought sunk in, all three of them went quiet. Flynn finished his meal and took his and Jenna’s empty dishes to the sink. TJ’s ears were almost fully splayed, but then they perked up.

 

“So… does it mean we’ll get to hang out with Carl this weekend?”

 

“Yeah,” Flynn said while washing his plate, “he’s got a surprise for us. Or rather, for ya, Teej. But the fat asshole won’t tell me what it is, so…” the gila chuckled.

 

“Oh? Uhm, well, I suppose we’ll find out anyway.” TJ shrugged.

 

The rest of the evening was spent at ease by them. Jenna decided to try and push her thoughts about her plan aside for the time being and enjoy talking with her friends. She wished she could take a picture of Flynn pulling TJ close as they approached futon while the gila riffed yet another movie. It brought a smile to her face to see them so close together - a far cry from her previous fears.

 

The gila had slung his right arm over TJ’s shoulder - the gray contrasting with the lynx’s t-shirt -  and had made some remark about the “fight” scene. Some guys were fighting the bad CGI killer pigeons with coat hangers. Jenna decided to take a risk and discreetly raised her phone, opening the camera app.

 

She snapped a picture with TJ laughing as Flynn smiled at either his own joke or just how happy TJ appeared to be. Jenna wondered if she could frame that and give it to them in the future, in case they wanted to hang it on TJ’s room or any of them had an office. She looked at the resulting picture with a smile.

 

 

Flynn appeared to notice her movements, but he just arched his ridges in curiosity, then finished making his way with TJ to the futon and taking his seat with the lynx.

  
  


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Saturday came and Jenna quietly drove Carl, caravaning with Flynn as the gila and TJ took the ram’s video equipment on the bed of the gila’s truck.

 

Carl had been talkative and, while Jenna was answering his questions or talking back, her mind couldn’t get off what she was about to do. 

 

Her colleague had given her all the evidence she needed: Audio and video recordings, pictures, documents, everything. Jenna obviously had the copies, since Carla would not hand over the originals. It was still good enough.

 

Despite her usual confidence, Jenna felt unese creeping over her with each step she took on the stairs leading to Richard and Luiz’s house. She felt a shiver running through her spine, despite schooling her features to not worry any of the others. It did not stop Flynn and TJ from looking at her from time to time, however.

 

Her worry had little to do with the task at hand. It was more along the lines she did not know either Luiz or Richard well enough to simply ask them about it. And, from what she noticed (and heard from both TJ and Flynn), commenting it out loud would be caught by them as an attempt to ask for a favor.

 

Though Jenna was not sure that asking Richard if he could do anything to help these in need at the Institute counted as a favor.

 

It was another cool, sunny day of February. Once they reached the rooftop, where Richard’s “apartment” was located (Jenna could fit the place she lived in Luiz’s game room alone - especially since it was clear that it was originally some kind of ballroom), they found the heavy ebony-coloured oak doors closed. For a split-second, the fennec - as well as her friends - thought nobody was home. When Luiz shouted and waved from their left.

 

The tegu wore some baggy jeans pants, a white wife-beater tucked in his pants, and a open coat over it. He had been taking care of the small garden they had, fenced off on the rest of the roof. It surprised Jenna to see him there, since she had assumed it was just something meant for the people in the condo to relax.

 

Now it was clear Richard likely bought the entire top of the estate for him and Luiz.

 

The tegu approached them, a smile on his muzzle, and he pulled Flynn into an embrace first. Flynn hesitated but returned it, both patting each other’s backs, before he went on to briefly hug TJ, then Carl, asking the usual ‘how are ya doin’?’ of his. When it came to her turn, he just shook her paw.

 

She briefly wondered if it was because he did not really like women or because he wanted to respect her boundaries. It was kinda funny, considering how, back when she first met Flynn at the mall, the tegu practically pulled her aside to whisper in her ear about Flynn’s dire straits. Then again, she was experienced enough in psychology by now to realize from what she saw and heard of him, that the tegu treated people he held in a positive light differently.

 

Like Flynn, Luiz was casually profane. Perhaps even moreso: Flynn had some limits, like mocking other people’s beliefs (unless he was angry or wanting to hurt) - Luiz did that casually.

 

In a few ways, he reminded the fennec of Leo too. She barely acknowledged they were halfway through the house by now, moving mechanically as she assessed the strangers that were entering their lives. But she knew that, while Leo was impulsive and could not disguise his attempts at control and manipulation, Luiz seemed more mellow, more pragmatic… and, if Flynn was correct, prone to do more than just bruising people who really crossed him (or these under his wing).

 

They were assembling Carl’s equipment now, while the ram and the tegu talked about the old console Carl intended to use for his video. Jenna’s mind drifted back into wondering where Richard could be, considering the goat had the day off, according to Flynn himself.

 

Jenna’s thoughts were cut by something Carl was asking:

 

“Jenna? Anybody home?” The ram waved his paw in front of her face. The fennec let out an amused huff and shook her head.

 

“I think she was havin’ Vietnam flashbacks, _amigo.”_ Luiz grinned.

 

“Oh, no, I’m just… distracted, thinking about work.”

 

She could see TJ and Flynn exchanging a meaningful glance while sitting on the large, black fake leather sofa to her right.

 

“I was asking if you’d like to be in one of my videos. It’s kind of a surprise of what’ll be, but it’s mostly to criticize Fassio and their Loony console - which was ‘meant for girls,’” Carl chuckled.

 

“Oh? Uhm, maybe. I’ll need to see the next time we’re all free.”

 

While she did not really feel like it, the fennec acknowledged it could be fun. She enjoyed these hangouts with her friends.

 

It almost made up for some other things she had done.

 

_Almost._

 

After a while, Carl got into making his video and they excused themselves - while he would sometimes need them around to have an additional player, the last time Flynn and TJ’s chatter accidentally made it into Carl’s video.

 

At least the folks who were attracted to Flynn knew he was with some ‘TJ,’ person now. One that, as they commented, ‘sounds like a kid.’

 

Well, Teej kinda does when he’s excited.

 

Flynn and TJ moved to the kitchen with Luiz. The tegu was teaching him something he called _‘empada.’_ They looked like mini-pies with different fillings: Some had a mix of chicken, eggs and vegetables and others had palm heart and olives.

 

TJ was diligently writing down Luiz’s instructions as Flynn went through them.

 

Jenna, meanwhile, took her seat by the counter next to TJ, and held her head on her left paw. Maybe Richard was out or decided to work, after all.

 

It was when the first door on the right, before the corridor that led to the rest of the large apartment, opened and the goat emerged from it. Wearing a white crop-top with the words _‘El Gran Cabrón’_ stamped over it in black, and some beige daisy dukes that reminded Jenna of the ones she had. Except Richard had an obvious bulge in the front. And, of course, the black collar with the golden letter reading ‘DOE’ was visible, since he did not have a shirt and tie to cover it up.

 

Luiz went around the counter to pull Richard into a kiss, then the goat pulled away, eyes briefly locked into Luiz’s as he smiled, and addressed his guests with a short wave of his paw.

 

“It’s good to have you around again. I just came to get some water.”

 

As he passed through them to get to the fridge, Jenna could smell him. The goat had a hint of cologne, but it was clashing with the overwhelmingly musky smell of his sweat. Jenna wrinkled her nose - it wasn’t _bad_ per se, but she wondered why the usually neat goat was like that, considering she did not smell him on Luiz.

 

At least, not more than usual.

 

It was when she noticed the tegu staring right at her. Luiz smirked and chuckled.

 

“Rich’s been practicing his dance moves.”

 

Richard was taking a long drink of cold water, then he sighed in relief when put the glass down on the sink. “I used to do ballet. I still like to practice to keep my flexibility. It’s useful for more things than just dancing, as I’m sure you darlings know.”

 

He briefly winked at TJ, who seemed to blush. Flynn remained serious, but Jenna could hear him letting out the tiniest of snorts. Yeah, the goat knew what they were up to.

 

Both of her roommates looked at her, and she knew they were thinking she might have told them something.

 

“To her defense,” Richard said and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his muzzle, “Lulu and I can smell you guys’ scent all over each other.”

 

Flynn shrugged and wrapped his tail around TJ. “Well… yeah, it doesn’t quite wash out after a while. Unless we stop for a few weeks.”

 

TJ, in the meanwhile, seemed to be shrinking into himself, but he smiled at them. “I know, it’s just, uhm, a little weird to talk about it out loud.”

 

Richard looked apologetic. “Oh, I’m sorry, darling. I didn’t mean to embarrass you…”

 

The lynx raised one paw and shook his head. “No harm done. I’m just not used to this, that’s all. I’m still kinda new to this stuff.”

 

“Ah, alright, then…” Richard looked around. “Where’s Mr. Hendricks?”

 

“Carl’s still making his video,” Flynn stated as he got up and went to the oven to get the mini-pies out, “he’s in the game room.”

 

“Ah, I see, I see. Good thing I decided to turn the music off. Might have interrupted his work.”

 

“Frankly, I think it’d make that shit more watchable,” the gila said as he put the hot baking tray over the marble counter by the sink to cool off. “Never been fond of these ‘lets plays’ shit.”

 

They continued chattering over the validity of Carl’s career of choice, but Jenna was only half-aware. She was still trying to find a decent window to approach Richard and ask for his help.

 

She acknowledged that she could probably just flat-out do it. But that would be a little rude - she does not know him like Flynn and TJ did - and the goat seemed somewhat dismissive of her. Furthermore, she would prefer to not be seen by her friends asking for aid against her bosses. As of late, Flynn had been doing his level best to not bother his own bosses and she perfectly understood the feeling: It made you feel helpless when you requested aid.

 

The matters she wanted to discuss were delicate anyway, and she did not want to show videos with the patients at her job where it would arouse her friends’ curiosity. As strange as it felt for her to have such hang-up, she wanted to protect their privacy by showing it only to the relevant person.

 

They ate the _empadas._ Jenna liked them, especially the palm heart ones. Carl had joined them, saying he wanted to give a break to his video making for now, edit his script with a few ideas he’s just had, then go back to finish it up.

 

Richard eventually asked if anyone would mind if he put on some music. Nobody objected, so he disappeared into his office and came back with his phone. He unlocked the screen and scrolled through his files, putting on some electronic music to play at low volume.

 

“I don’t like to go without music for long,” the goat smiled at them. He then looked squarely at Jenna and the fennec splayed her ears - did he know that she wanted to talk to him?

 

“You’ve been awfully quiet, darling. What’s bothering you?”

 

“Well,” Jenna sighed. It was now or never, “I need to talk to you about something.”

 

“We’re talking right now, darling.” The ibex smiled at her. Jenna rubbed her right shoulder and looked away, trying to think on how to put her thoughts into words now everyone was watching.

 

Her thoughts were interrupted when Richard chuckled. “Come to my office. Save some of the palm heart _empadas_ for me, Lulu.”

 

“Can do,” Luiz replied, shoving three chicken-filled ones into his maw.

 

When Richard closed the door behind them, Jenna finally could take in some of his office: It was bigger than the living room of her apartment. There were a few mats on the floor to her right and a stereo. A large picture of him and Luiz during their wedding day hung on the wall.

 

He also had a treadmill on a corner and two exercising rings. The goat did not lie when he said he preferred to be flexible.

 

Richard’s desk reminded her of Carla’s: Large, solid wood and polished. Only his had four books - ledger books - a computer and a small framed picture of him and his husband where seemed to be Hawaii.

 

He also had a glass butt plug acting as a paper weight. When he caught Jenna looking at it, the goat snatched the object and threw into one of his desk drawers. He then took a seat on his large, comfortable-looking chair.

 

“What can I do for you, Ms. Begay?”

 

“I’m glad you asked, Mr. Maitland. So I can get straight to the point: How familiar are you with the struggles gone through by mental patients in the state of Colorado?”

 

Richard rubbed his goatee, his expression stoic, then he let go and put his paws over his desk. “While I am not an expert next to someone who works on the field, I could argue I am vaguely familiar. Considering Lulu spent some mandatory time exactly where you are working now, before his innocence was proven.”

 

That was… interesting. 

 

“But I admit I am privileged enough to get him the best help my money can buy. Since February of two thousand-seventeen, he started going to therapy. So, I am not aware of how hard things are nowadays for the less privileged percentage of the population. I presume you are going to enlighten me on the subject, aren’t you?”

 

He raised one eyebrow and Jenna had to wait a few more moments before talking. The businessman Richard - despite his attire - was a far cry from the laid-back Richard she had met before. The goat had the confident air of someone who had absolute control of his world. It was something he had in common with Carla in her office or Luiz at his job.

 

“Well… while outright abuse is not unheard of, my main concern is lack of funding, lack personnel and neglect by the system itself. I have some-”

 

“Just a second there,” Richard leaned back in his high chair, “while these issues do concern me, I just had a thought: Besides writing a donation check once in a while, what do you think I can do to solve these issues?”

 

Jenna blinked and tried to think on what to say. The goat stared at her with a cold, stoic expression, and his horizontal, rectangular pupils unsettled the fennec. He was baiting her, but she did not know what for.

 

With a sigh, the young vixen decided to bite. “Well… _you,_ maybe, can’t do much more than donating… but we’re friends on Muzzlebook, and I have been seeing some other friends of yours. People you often hang out with offline. Maybe they can help. I… I’m running out of options here, Mr. Maitland, but I decided earlier to do whatever it takes to help my patients.”

 

Now the goat held a pleased smirk. “That’s what I wanted to see: A younger person with ethics. It gives me hope for the future.” His smile vanished. “Although I’m sure you would like to use this event in your favor, I assume.”

 

With a slow, but deliberate shake of her head, Jenna placed both paws on Richard’s desk, as if showing she had nothing to hide. “I just wanna do the right thing. I… I may have been a little selfish in the past. I just can’t do that anymore. Not in good conscience.”

 

Richard licked his lips, smiling once more. “Well… let’s see what you’ve got.”

 

Jenna nodded and fished for her phone and a few folded papers she had put in her purse. Still, she could tell the goat’s wheels were already turning with a plan. Richard looked down at one video showing a particularly nasty case of neglect and she could see his eyes narrowing, before a smirk formed on his muzzle.

 

“I know a councilman who would love to try for the State Senate at the two thousand-and-twenty-two’s elections. This will make his day.”

 

After what felt like an eternity, Richard finished skimming the documents brought by the fennec, and watching other videos. He steepled his paws and nodded.

 

“Jenna Begay, I believe I not only can - and will - help you. But I will need to arrange a meeting with you and this Dr. Sanderson. I take she is Tobias and Flynn’s therapist, isn’t she?”

 

The goat seemed to have a great memory. Jenna nodded.

 

“Good. We will meet with a few of my colleagues and State Senator Michael Hernandez. We go a long way since I was just considering moving to Colorado. He’s also very fond of Lulu, and his son served in the same police academy my husband went through. I can say you came to the right person for help.” He extended his paw over his desk, and Jenna shook it.

 

“Thanks, Mr. Maitland.”

 

Richard chuckled, his businessman demeanor shifting back to his more casual self. “You can call me Richard while we’re in my home, darling.”

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


When they came out of Richard’s office, Jenna found her friends and Luiz still around the kitchen as the tegu taught Flynn how to bake plain, old, basic bread. Richard’s phone still played its electronic music playlist and Jenna took a seat by TJ on the counter, being able to see Flynn head-on as he kneaded the dough.

 

Richard sat by Jenna, but he mostly kept quiet and fiddled with his phone. Then something weird happened.

 

The next track that started made Flynn furrow his ridges and stop kneading the dough. If anything, he froze on spot. The gila licked his lips and looked stiff and uncomfortable. He briefly looked at TJ, who looked back at him with his head tilted in confusion.

 

“Where’d ya get this one?” Flynn finally asked.

 

“Hm? Oh, from a guy in the Sweatshop. He got it after asking the owner of some less classy place he went through in Arizona.”

 

“Ah.” The gila responded, his Adam’s apple going up and down his throat as he swallowed. He continued working on the bread he had been making, but his movements were stiff. Especially once the next track rolled in.

 

Jenna figured that there was more than just some weird electronic music that Flynn disliked bothering the young lizard. Luiz approached Flynn and asked if he was fine, to which the gila nodded.

 

The tegu licked his own lips and seemed to be trying to think of what to say next, looking at Flynn with concern, when it appeared something clicked to him.

 

“I’ll be right back,” the tegu said. He moved towards the corridor leading to the inner quarters of the house, before stopping and looking back at them.

 

“Richard, could ya come here for a minute?”

 

Everyone but Flynn - who diligently worked on the bread making - looked at the goat. Richard arched his eyebrows in confusion, before shrugging and getting off of his stool to the tegu. Luiz wrapped one arm around Richard and they walked further away down the corridor.

 

Because everyone was quiet and Jenna was a fennec, she could listen to what the tegu whispered to Richard when trying to focus on it.

 

She did not catch all of it, but she did get a mention of some ‘Smoke Room’ place. They both looked back at the kitchen-slash-dining room, Richard looking alarmed, while Luiz’s gaze zeroed in on Jenna. He knew she was eavesdropping.

 

They both walked back, Richard taking long strides, until he snatched his phone and suddenly the music stopped. Luiz, on the other hand, took a seat on the stool he had taken to the kitchen and kept glaring at Jenna.

 

“My apologies, Flynn,” Richard said as he scrolled through his phone’s files and Jenna could see he was deleting the past two tracks, “I didn’t know.”

 

“Didn’t know what?” Carl asked, looking between the gila and the goat. But neither said anything, and the ram decided to just shrug and go back to looking at his own phone.

 

“That’s okay, Richard. No hard feelings.” The gila said in a stiff manner.

 

The ibex goat sighed and looked dejected. Jenna presumed it was rare for him to commit such faux-passes. She stole a glance back at Luiz, who still glared at her, and the fennec decided to mouth the word ‘sorry’ to him. The tegu nodded and shifted his gaze back to TJ, who seemed anxious as well.

 

“Uhm, while we’re on the subject of apologies, I’d like to make one of my own,” TJ said, fidgeting on the stool he had been sitting. He turned to his left, to face Carl, and the ram took a moment before realizing the lynx was talking about him.

 

“I…” TJ started, and Jenna saw Flynn wipe his hands with a wet cloth, then put one hand over the lynx’s left paw. Toby flashed him a sad smile, before turning back to Carl. “I’m sorry for pushing you. I… I’ve been trying to tell you that for years, but I always lost the nerve. Nothing excused what I’ve done. I’m sorry…” He sniffled and Jenna could see the tears welling on the lynx’s blue eyes.

 

Carl put down his phone and seemed at a loss on what to say. His ears lowered, like TJ’s, and the ram looked down. He hesitated a moment, before getting off of his stool and gingerly hugging TJ.

 

“Apologies accepted, Teej. Y’know I wouldn’t stay mad at you, dude. I was… I was just sad for a while.”

 

The ram broke his embrace and twiddled his thumbs, still looking down. “I think I’d have had a tougher time forgiving you if things went bad at the end of that week. But after ya saved Flynn, just that… that made harder to be angry at you, dude.”

 

It was TJ who got up on his feetpaws and hugged Carl now. The ram froze, then hugged him back.

 

“Thanks.” TJ whispered. Carl just nodded and patted the lynx in the back. When they pulled away, both started drying their tears on the back of their paws.

 

“Well, now isn’t today full of apologies. My turn: Rich, I apologize for tellin’ ‘em that you were into ABDL.” The tegu grinned.

 

The goat instantly looked indignant. “Thanks for reminding them.”

 

TJ piped in. “Isn’t it Advanced Biblical Daily Lessons? I asked Flynn, but he just laughed.”

 

This time it was Jenna’s turn to snicker. She looked at Flynn and could tell the gila was doing his best to look stoic.

 

“Let’s change the subject, please?” Richard looked flustered.

 

“Here, dude, check this out,” Carl had typed something on his phone and handed it over to TJ. The ibex goat’s eyes went wide when he realized what Carl had done, but he could do nothing but cover his face with his paws.

 

TJ, on the other hand, first looked at the phone with interest, then with shock, and then he raised one eyebrow and looked at Richard, then back at the phone. Then back at Richard again. He handed Carl’s phone back to the ram.

 

“I wish I could un-imagine certain things…” the lynx then said. Everyone laughed while Richard crossed his arms, holding a chuckle of his own.

 

“Don’t kink-shame me, darlings, or I’ll kick you all out.”

 

The rest of their hangout was carefree and devoid of drama. Jenna felt happy with that. Little by little, they were solving their past issues. Of course, there were a few things that would never be fixed, but she could not complain.

 

And the thought that she managed to have a good day while simultaneously doing something good for those who trusted her to take care of them - her patients - filled her with pride. In a way, she thought about Dr. Carlyle’s face once things started going down for him, and decided to face what she had just done as the biggest prank of her life.

 

And a prank done on someone who had it coming, for once.

 

For once in the past couple of weeks, Jenna looked forward to go back to work. She could not wait until she could tell Carla that things went smoothly. 

 

Thinking about the owl reminded Jenna about another fact she had discovered: She was perhaps the only person Jenna knew who did not have a Muzzlebook account. Even people that were not very active online like Flynn and Leo had one. It made the fennec see her colleague as yet another enigma.

 

One she wanted to solve, like all others.

 

Hopefully, without screwing their friendship up: From what she gathered, chances were she was Carla’s only friend.

 

Her ears drooped briefly, and Jenna decided to push those depressing thoughts aside for now, deciding to engage her friends in a conversation, as they waited for the loaf of bread Flynn had been baking to get done.


	35. Lazy Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is one of the rare moments in the lives of Flynn, TJ and Jenna where they can enjoy a Sunday off right after having Saturday off. And we see them making the most of their free time together without anything going wrong at all.
> 
> Well... there is always the next day.

**Lazy Sunday**

 

 _“Hey Flynn, sorry I didn’t see this message earlier. My life’s been pretty busy lately._ _  
  
_

_To answer your apology; thank you, but don’t sweat it. I knew you had your own problems to deal with. I decided to move back to my hometown, but it’s getting tough to find a decent job here that pays enough to cover the bare essentials and my hobbies._

 

_Judging by your Muzzlebook page, you’re in a relationship with one of your former friends. That’s awesome! And this Tobias guy looks cute. I hope things are going well for you now. Hit me if you wanna talk sometime.”_

 

Flynn did not smile, but had to fight the urge to. Of course Dax would have forgiven him. The gila sometimes thought he had been surrounded by people he did not deserve, and that made him realize that he had wasted his chances back then.

 

Well, not anymore. Sure Flynn learned that, while some shit just can’t be fixed, it did not mean he shouldn’t work hard to try to fix the relationships he could - he was shocked, looking back, to see just how far he made it. How many bridges he had built.

 

His therapist was right: There were people who loved and cared for him. At least, better than his windbag parents ever did, that’s for sure.

 

Earlier that week, they had acquired a second-hand queen-sized bed for TJ’s bedroom. They spent the early evening upon returning from his boss’s place (with a rather good loaf of bread made by himself) assembling it, then listing Toby's old bed for sale. TJ would keep the money.

 

They decided to split the costs for both the bed and the new, large spring mattress. To lessen the blow on their budgets, his boss had gifted them with older (but clean) bedclothes. They still could fit yet another mattress in the bed covers - his bosses likely had massive beds.

 

So the lizard was happy to look to his right and see Toby still asleep, the lynx’s chest rising and lowering softly as he breathed. TJ did not snore - that boy scout was too healthy.

 

Flynn’s medicine started to work. At first, he felt almost nothing - joy or sorrow - but he now felt as if his emotions were balancing themselves. On the other hand, he could tell he had been gaining a little weight (a pound or so, according to the scale) no matter how much he worked out, and his libido did take a nosedive (as Carla, Jenna and TJ all helpfully warned).

 

Toby had told him it would eventually go back to normal. Considering what they had been doing, Flynn fully believed him, considering TJ actually made the first move on the previous night.

 

The gila looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand. Almost nine in the morning. Flynn sighed and laid back down. After getting a true job (the kind that did not pay a lot for a half-shift loitering in a city hall), the young lizard started appreciating his lazy days more often. And, after entering a relationship, he started enjoying every moment he could spend in contact with Toby, feeling his soft and warm fuzzy body against his.

 

His gaze briefly wandered down TJ’s sleeping form beneath the blankets. His hind paws weren’t covered and, since the lynx was on his stomach, Flynn could see TJ's paw pads (‘beans’ as some people - like his bosses - called them) appearing from between the fluffy padding of his soles. Flynn chuckled to himself, wondering if they felt as soft as these on TJ’s paws.

 

That and he had to admit they were cute. Maybe he would tickle Toby’s hindpaws some day, just to see these cute beans wiggling.

 

Flynn’s pay increase did come as Richard predicted. His and everyone else’s. He now started making about forty-two thousand bucks a year (before taxes, of course). Luiz said they could make more if ditched securing fixed places and worked on the transport of valuables side of the newly-acquired companies in Denver. But both his boss and Flynn himself did not really think it was a good trade.

 

Mostly because that would keep the gila away. Besides, Flynn had been doing well with his current pay - the raise started giving him more spending money and he could even save about a hundred bucks every month for rainy days.

 

His troubles from his brief stint as a hobo sleeping in his truck, as well as his own experiences in Echo taught him to manage his money very well. He was happy to see the same could be said about TJ. Jenna obviously did not surprise him.

 

Now, Carl… the ram being able to manage his finances and do his own taxes with his vtube money - _that_ was a big surprise.

 

While Flynn knew he could do it, it was something else to see Carl approaching Richard for advice and seeing the ram engaging the goat on a conversation about tax law and management of large sums of money. Flynn even recalls leaning closer to his friends and calling the two caprines ‘two fuckin’ show-offs,’ much to Jenna and TJ’s amusement.

 

They were reaching March by now and it was still cold, hence their heavy blanket. It made TJ snuggle closer whenever they slept, likely to keep the lynx cool by cuddling with the gila’s cold-blooded body. While cold-blooded beings couldn’t retain heat by non-electrified blankets, Flynn knew TJ was probably feeling hot from their sleeping arrangements, yet put up with it so the young lizard would have the lynx to keep him warm.

 

It also reminded Flynn to brush TJ’s fur once they woke up. Since the previous week, Flynn had been getting the lynx’s help with grooming himself every morning: He would strip naked and Toby would use a small device his boss gifted him that looked roughly like a tiny shaver. But the small plastic spades alternating with the hard rubber strips at the tip were meant to grab on a reptile’s flakes of dead skin and scrape and pull them off.

 

Luiz really didn’t lie when he said it saved a lot of time. Flynn had been reluctant at first to let TJ groom him, but it had been his boyfriend’s own suggestion after the second time Flynn came to work late. In return, Flynn immediately proposed to brush TJ’s soft fur.

 

It was a convenient arrangement: He would get to be at work in time and also return the favor by running his hands all over Toby’s naked body. If anything, he was positive the lynx also enjoyed it for that same reason.

 

And it showed how much intimacy they had by now. The gila furrowed his ridges and brought his phone up again, deciding to just kill some time before either Toby woke up or he decided to take a nap - as if he had to recover from a long night’s sleep.

 

Besides Daxton’s reply, there were a few messages from his bosses. One was Richard saying that, in case TJ’s phone was off or he was asleep, to tell he wouldn’t be jogging with him that afternoon due to some unforeseen problems. The next two were from Luiz, clarifying Richard wouldn’t be jogging because he accidentally ate some of the rice Luiz made for himself - which had used some sauce from the beef he had prepared - and it resulted in the strictly vegan goat ending up ‘spending the last night and today on his throne like a king.’

 

The next one just alerted Flynn about a change in their work schedules. It appeared his next day off had been bumped one day later. The gila grumbled, but he was used with that kind of minor inconvenience. Luiz told he would get one of the new guys to later cover for the younger lizard.

 

And the last message was from Muzzlebook. From Leo - he had accepted Flynn’s friendship request, but had not said anything before. Once in a while, he would like one of the bare few things Flynn posted - he did it for TJ and Carl as well, though the gila noticed that he very rarely did so with Jenna, unless it was a post in which either Flynn himself or another of their friends in common were tagged on.

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: hey._

 

Flynn frowned. What was he supposed to say? With a shrug, he hovered his thumbs over the touch screen of his phone, before typing his answer:

 

_Flynn Moore: Hey._

 

There. If Leo wanted to talk, Flynn was all for it. But the shitstain wouldn’t have the gila doing all the work for him.

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: how are u??? o.o_

 

Flynn rolled his eyes at Leo’s overuse of emoticons. Then again, his boss seemed to like them - just not as much.

 

_Flynn Moore: I’m fine. You?_

 

The gila sent the message, trying to control his urge to just ask Leo why he is trying to be chummy, while he had been silent after accepting his friendship request a while ago, all of sudden.

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: could be better._

 

Sighing, Flynn decided to bite it.

 

_Flynn Moore: Well, you’re in the world’s shithole. Anyone in fucking Echo ‘could be better.’_

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: heh, tru dat. xD_

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: i just miss u guys, tbh. nobody worth spending time with here :/_

 

 _‘Heh, he misses that muskshit otter,’_ Flynn thought to himself, but decided to not tell Leo. After all, he was the first of them all to extend an olive branch to the wolf. If his job as a mall cop taught him one thing, it was to control his temper: He did not want to get fired or arrested. Despite his boss’s fame, the gila had seen the tegu firing a few of the new guys for acting unprofessionally.

 

A far-cry from the short-tempered, morbidly obese, alcoholic old lizard that woke Flynn up when he slept in his truck, the first time they met. It was almost as if they made each other act professionally or some shit!

 

_Flynn Moore: Why don’t you drop by sometime. I know it’s far, but who knows. We could hang out kinda like in the old times, minus a few people. Or I introduce you to my boss - I think he’d like you._

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: ??? that fat komodo dragon?_

 

_Flynn Moore: He’s an Argentine tegu. Though I think he’s Brazilian. I dunno. But anyway, you should drop by sometime if you miss us so fucking much._

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: it’s not that easy. i have to help my father and all. besides, i miss the whole old gang, u know._

 

Now Flynn started to get annoyed.

 

_Flynn Moore: Listen, cut the bullshit and say that you miss Chase already. It just pisses me off when people beat around the bush and don’t get to the fucking point. Before you ask: No, I have no news of him and I’m fucking happy for that. I want that muskshit out of my sight. I only saw him once, when volunteering on a soup kitchen with TJ. He works for a local newspaper. But he never showed up again after showing up to interview the guys in charge. I hope you’re fucking happy now._

 

_Leonardo Alvarez is typing…_

 

_Flynn Moore: I sent you this request to be your friend because, if I have to be honest, despite all that shit that happened in Echo, and all the shit I got from you through the years, I still don’t think you deserve to be left alone in the ass-end of the world. Your father is a grown man and he survived spending some time without you around. You’re just looking for a fucking excuse._

 

_Flynn Moore: Get fucking used to it, Leo: It’s over. Things aren’t ever gonna be the same. Even I could wrap my head around it. It’s time you grew up too._

 

All the while, Flynn could see Leo had been typing something, but the message kept being erased as the wolf likely had been trying to keep up with the gila’s barrage of accusations. In a way, Flynn really hoped that Leo would realize what he had been saying was true for Leo’s own sake. As much as a fucking asshole the wolf was to Flynn, the young lizard knew he did not deserve to go through being alone and sidelined by others.

 

Which was a feeling Flynn had been very acquainted with. But knowing Leo, Flynn was sure that all he accomplished was to have the wolf push back and-

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: i know._

 

 _‘Wait, what?’_ That caught Flynn off-guard.

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: u r right. i’ve thought a lot about this and how things got fucked up with us, ngl. i mean…_

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: i kinda felt bad after we drifted apart. i just could not forget chase. but even though i did not like that smoke room place, i ended up doing to u the same thing those disgusting old guys and junkies did there. when you called me out on that, i got angry ‘cause it hit close home._

 

 _‘Well… that was unexpected,’_ Flynn thought to himself. He decided to let Leo talk.

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: then chase came back and u started trying to talk about what happened at the lake emma and all this shit. i was trying to connect with him again so bad, that i refused to see what was obvious. and i blamed u._

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: this is something i had been thinking since people told me u were missing. before that, ngl, i didn’t feel any remorse about it really. but after all the shit that happened… i realized how much i fucked up as well._

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: so… yeah. i dunno what else to say. i’m sorry. yeah, i still love chase. i wish i didn’t, but i can’t forget him, flynn._

 

_Flynn Moore: Leo, listen. I know it’s hard to let go of something. Believe me, I fucking do. You remember how much of a cunt I was for all these years and I’m not gonna bullshit you, but you’re kinda going that way. Even if that wasn’t the fucking problem, did you see where it got me? I tell you what: I don’t hate you for whatever you feel for that musky asshole. But if I were you, I’d try to move on. And, sure, you may not be as close to the rest of us as you were with that asswipe, but so fucking what? I wasn’t close to TJ and Jenna either and look where I am. I just wish I had realized that before all that shit that happened._

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: i can see how far u got into tj, alright. xD_

 

_Flynn Moore: Fuck you._

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: jk jk. i won’t say it didn’t surprise me, cause it did. but its good to see u 2 getting along._

 

_Leonardo Alvarez: i tell u what. maybe i’ll tell my father i might drop by to visit you guys this summer. we’ll figure something out. i have to go now. nice talkin to u._

 

_Flynn Moore: Alrigh. Seeya._

 

Flynn leaned back against the bed and sighed in relief. All in all, things went better than expected. He reached over the sleeping form of TJ to put his phone on the nightstand and decided to lie back down, determined to sleep for a couple hours more.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


TJ stirred and woke up, still drowsy from his long night’s sleep. He sucked in a deep breath and stretched, reaching one paw down to scratch his thigh while he looked to his left.

 

Flynn was still asleep, though a quick look to his nightstand told the lynx that his boyfriend did wake up at some point: Flynn’s phone was not plugged on his charger and the young feline was sure he had seen the gila plugging it before they went to sleep.

 

The red flashing display of the alarm clock told TJ that it was eleven and twenty-one in the morning. He sat up and swiveled his ears around to confirm that, yes, Jenna was awake already. He could hear the faint sound of the television on in the living room, with the unmistakable voice acting employed in anime.

 

Tobias got off the bed and stretched once more, letting out a mute yawn. He turned around to see Flynn opening his eyes and smiled at the gila.

 

“Mornin’, Toby.” Flynn said, licking his lips.

 

“A little more and it’d be ‘afternoon,’” TJ joked. Flynn flashed a brief smile and got up, then started making their bed. Meanwhile, TJ went to his closet and picked his outfit for the day. None of them planned to leave, as far as the lynx could tell. So just an old t-shirt and some comfy sweatpants would do.

 

The bed was made and they did not need to groom each other yet. With a nod to each other, the duo walked out of TJ’s room in their pajamas, splitting once they hit the living room: Flynn made his way to the cabinet where he still stored most of his clothing (his work uniforms were now in TJ’s wardrobe to spare the need to iron them every time he retrieved them from the duffel bag inside the cabinet), while TJ greeted Jenna and went to the bathroom. By that time, it was safe to assume no one would be eating breakfast, and likely skip straight to lunch.

 

As he entered the bathroom and was about to close the door, the lynx felt a hint of embarrassment upon hearing Jenna congratulating Flynn for not waking their neighbors that time.

 

After the lynx was finished with the rest of the facilities, he went on to take his morning shower. He closed his eyes and let the lukewarm water cascade over his face, matting his fur and then running down his body. His thoughts wandered to the previous evening as he automatically washed his body.

 

While Flynn wasn’t in the mood the previous night, TJ was. In a way, TJ felt a little guilty, as if he had pushed Flynn to do something he did not wish to. These worries were brushed aside, washed away alongside the sweat that went down the drain with the warm water, when he recalled Flynn seemed really nonchalant about helping him with his ‘problem.’

 

TJ chuckled. While he knew it wasn’t hard to tell when someone was aroused (especially if they smelled the right combination of pheromones wafting from said someone), he had never really paid attention to that until he started growing interested in sex again. It was harder to sniff it in crowded places, but with the two of them alone…

 

In a way, as much as he grew, Tobias still reminded himself about his awkward first date with Heather, or just how much he had enjoyed dancing with Sarah. He had never been interested in the subject before - or since.

 

All in all, TJ felt happy. His life took a turn he never expected it to - and it was one for the best this time. He had a decent-paying job and prospects to get promoted sometime soon, which would put him firmly in middle-class. Then Flynn got a pay raise, Jenna will get a pretty good pay once her experience period at the Institute is over, and Carl… Carl now really do not need to worry about his future even if his parents struck him from their will.

 

He still felt a pang of sadness for Chase. But it was sometimes mixed with a little bit of anger, guilt and resentment - both at the otter and at himself. He let Chase manipulate him and helped Chase manipulate others. As much as he felt bad for his former friend, he could never really forget that.

 

The lynx pushed his thoughts about Chase away from his mind. He watched the soapy water going down the drain in a small whirlpool and considered it an appropriate metaphor for what he had been doing: Let the bad things in his past simply go down the drain. They would still be there, but out of sight and - mostly - out of mind.

 

When TJ left the shower stall, he toweled most of the water off his fur and then reached for the blow drier. After five minutes, he was fresh and clean - and poofy. He chuckled after cleaning the mirror from the fog covering it and seeing his reflection. Flynn always seemed to smirk and run his large lizard hands all over his head and cheeks when he did that.

 

Sure enough, when he opened the door, Flynn had been there waiting with his own towel slung over his shoulder. The gila chuckled in his usual baritone and cupped TJ’s face with both hands, running his thumbs over the tufts of fur on TJ’s cheeks. TJ giggled and briefly hugged the lizard, before letting him in to take his shower.

 

TJ took a seat by Jenna’s side on the futon and she raised her eyebrows at him, a smirk on her muzzle. The lynx blushed slightly, but smiled back.

 

“We need to find a way to soundproof your room, you know,” she finally said. The TV had been airing some infomercials and neither paid much attention at them.

 

“Uhm, yeah. You talked about it before… sorry to keep you awake.” The lynx rubbed his right arm, ears drooping slightly as he looked away at the floor.

 

Jenna chuckled to herself. “No, no, I slept well last night. I think I’m finally getting used to you guys. Or it’s you two that have been more subdued. Still, it’s for your own convenience.”

 

TJ’s ears perked up. “Oh, I know. Flynn actually said something similar last week. I think I’ll grab the money I make from selling my old bed and he’ll get some of his own and we’ll buy that foam thing that music studios use. Then we’ll have, uh, relative freedom in my room.”

 

“Do you mean acoustic foam? That’s not a bad idea. Hm…” Jenna seemed to think. “I tell you what: If you guys have too much trouble, I’ll chip in. Who knows, I might buy some for my own room.”

 

Tobias now looked at her with surprise. Was she implying that she… of course, Jenna was a grown woman - and a beautiful one, in the lynx’s opinion - but he never thought she would be doing that anytime soon: She seemed to be more interested in her career.

 

Jenna seemed to read his mind. “No, not because of that. Just because then I can watch my stuff in my room without bothering anyone. And, of course, for… any… well, possibility. Who knows?” She seemed to be a little sheepish herself now.

 

That was awkward, yet fun and interesting to TJ. Somehow, it helped him feel as if she was ceasing to see him as a child.

 

Summing up some courage from his resolution to be more assertive, TJ decided to voice these thoughts:

 

“I never thought you’d be talking about, uh, this kind of thing with me like that. It’s a little different than that time where you walked in… on me… you know?” He smiled at her, even though he knew it was a nervous smile. “I mean, I… I may have allowed you to treat me kinda like a kid for a while…” Jenna arched her eyebrows and was about to say something, her hands up in a peace gesture, when TJ continued: “No, I’m not saying that I’m angry or anything. It’s just… I’m glad you’re seeing me as an adult.” 

 

“Well, um,” Jenna cleared her throat, this time it was her ears that were slightly droopy and she found hard to meet TJ’s gaze. “Actually, I should be thanking you. For not resenting me for it. I… I remember the argument you and Flynn had. You know I could hear, right?”

 

“Uh-huh.” TJ nodded.

 

“Well… when that happened… I thought about how I had been treating you even after how far you’ve come and realized that, maybe, while it’s good to be there for you, as a friend, I was coddling you too much and it wasn’t healthy. Carla warned me about this, but I decided to keep doing my own thing.”

 

TJ nodded and leaned back against the futon. He looked up and sighed, before looking back at Jenna. “How could I be angry at you? You put your own life on hold for me since we came back from Echo. You said you were done with us, but you still came back. You’ve got no idea how grateful I am, Jenna.” He flashed a sad smile to his fennec friend. She smiled back, her ears perking up slightly.

 

They briefly hugged. Once they moved back, TJ could notice Jenna seemed on the verge of getting emotional - she wasn’t tearing up, but looked like she had been on the verge to. The fennec rubbed one of her eyes.

 

“After what happened… I kept wondering if I, maybe, could have done something. Or said something. Anything that could have prevented what happened. I realized I was wrong about Flynn. And Chase… and you. And I never felt so ashamed - not even when my father embarrassed me in front of you guys when we ran into him while he was drunk that one time, back when you were little.”

 

“I remember that,” came Flynn’s voice from the bathroom door. They both looked at him in surprise. Flynn stood there in front of the doorframe, shirt slung over his shoulder. The young gila had a similar sad look as Jenna.

 

“How long have you been listening?” Jenna asked.

 

“Since you told TJ you overheard our argument.” Flynn shrugged and walked to the futon, putting on his shirt as he did so. TJ scooted over to give Flynn space to sit on the other extremity, leaving TJ in the middle, between Jenna and the lizard. He then put his large hands over their heads as if gauging their heights. “You both don’t pay attention to what ya hear when the TV’s on. And both of you are still little.” He grinned.

 

TJ playfully swatted at Flynn’s right hand while Jenna just pushed his other hand away. The three of them chuckled.

 

“Since when did you become the guy who puts the others at ease?” Jenna smirked at him.

 

Flynn raised one of his ridges. “Why? If ya want to, I can go back to bein’ an asshole.”

 

Jenna acted as if she were deep in thought. “Nah. Already handle enough of these at work. And you’re still a bit of an ass, Flynn.”

 

The gilla shrugged and pulled TJ closer with his tail. “As if ya were a fuckin’ saint, Jenna.”

 

Despite his choice of words, Tobias could tell Flynn was saying that in jest. A look at Jenna told him the same.

 

“Yeah yeah, now shush. There’s a _Warau Salesman_ episode coming up and I wanna catch up with the series.”

 

“Whatever. I’m gonna make lunch.” Flynn gave TJ one last squeeze and got up. 

 

The lynx watched the lizard moving to the kitchen and starting to retrieve ingredients for their late lunch from the cupboards and the fridge. He then decided to just make up conversation to pass the time:

 

“I thought you downloaded your anime. What happened? I paid the internet bill this month.” TJ furrowed his brow and looked at his phone, as if to make sure the wifi was still working.

 

“They took the site down,” Jenna said, frowning. “Such a shame.”

 

“Sorry to hear that.”

 

“Well, if the internet’s anything like I read about it, they’ll soon set another up,” Flynn said from the kitchen.

 

“I know. I still want to enjoy it without having to wait.” Jenna supported her head on her left paw. “I mean, we have so little free time, so we’re entitled to enjoy our day off as much as we can. At least is how I see it.”

 

“Damn right,” Flynn answered as he put some rice to cook and started slicing vegetables.

 

TJ, meanwhile, watched their exchange with a happy smile. They were finally at ease around each other. And he couldn’t help but feel a hint of pride that he had been the link that facilitated their reconciliation.

 

That and, frankly, he also felt proud to have won over the (not so) cold heart of Flynn. Despite being a few months, Tobias couldn’t help but still feel amazed at how things between them ended up. And he was lucky - Flynn was a beautiful man and surprisingly nice to him. He felt comfortable with the gila now.

 

And he knew his boyfriend returned these thoughts in kind. Mostly due to hearing him talking to Carl or Luiz when they thought the lynx was out of earshot. TJ knew it wasn’t nice to eavesdrop, but he couldn’t help it.

 

Besides, what he heard actually flattered him. 

 

 _‘Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back,’_ TJ thought.

 

The next hour was spent in relative silence: While Flynn was cooking, TJ picked his phone and started texting his parents. It was the same thing he did nearly every day: Ask how they were, share any noteworthy news, wish each other well, etc.

 

He then talked with Richard. It was usually talk about their daily lives and - interestingly enough - biblical studies. The goat was well-versed in the scriptures. Almost as much as TJ remembered his mother.

 

It was interesting to TJ how discussing things like their thoughts on the Old Testament helped him alleviate his difficulties with conciliating his faith with what he had been doing… or rather, with how he was happy.

 

Basically, TJ’s point of view more or less started aligning with these of the goat’s and, oddly enough his atheist husband: _‘If doesn’t harm yourself and/or others, then what’s the problem?’_

 

While TJ gathered Luiz did not like religion, he quickly learned that the tegu was also pretty well-versed in the Bible. Likely because his father was a religious zealot. He even had his own favourite passage. Or rather, a corruption of Matthew 16:26. For the tegu said it as: “What good will it be for someone to gain his soul, yet forfeit the whole world? Or what is the worth of a soul in exchange for anything?” 

 

They disengaged him immediately. TJ didn’t blame the aging lizard: The lynx himself had a positive experience with his faith and, yet, almost lost it over his own dilemas. So he could imagine the amount of resentment the tegu had.

 

Currently, TJ was discussing with Richard the practice of usury - and how the modern religious world turned a blind eye to it. The topic was so engaging that he did not even hear Flynn approach and tapping his shoulder to announce lunch was ready.

 

Sadly, as it always appeared to be the case on Sundays, the rest of the day flew by. TJ spent the rest of the afternoon talking with Flynn and Jenna, texting Richard, Carl and, sometimes, his mom. Soon enough, afternoon turned into an evening and evening turned into night. And it was clear none of them wanted their day off to end.

 

But it was late. Nearing midnight, to be precise.

 

After their usual night routines, TJ found himself in his boxers, snug in his bed and cuddling with Flynn. The gila kept his long arms wrapped around the lynx’s athletic frame and nuzzled against the top of Tobias’ forehead. TJ enjoyed every moment of it. It was how they usually finished their brief talks right before both of them went to sleep.

 

However, all that’s good must come to an end: Flynn’s phone started ringing and, with a groan, the older male reached over to get it. He frowned as he looked at the caller.

 

“Aw, shit, it’s Carl. Hold on.” The gila sat up and picked up the call. “Listen, Carl, couldn’t this wa- Woah there, fatass, slow down!”

 

Flynn’s grin turned into an expression of shock, then horror. “He did _what!?_ _When!?_ H- how’d ya see it?”

 

Now TJ felt alarmed. He got off his bed and saw the gila frantically starting to dress himself while keeping his phone to his ear-hole.

 

“Are ya alright? Carl, _answer me, dammit!_ Where are ya? Emergency? Alright. Alright, hang on, man! We’ll be there. I said we’ll be there!”

 

He hung up and sat down, jeans pants partially pulled up, but still open, and sunk his face in his large hands.

 

“What’s wrong?” TJ asked, feeling alarmed now. He took a seat by Flynn’s side and, hesitantly, reached a paw for his shoulder.

 

“Flynn?” Tobias asked again, almost in a whisper, fighting back tears as he felt his heart pounding. He was almost having a panic attack.

 

“It’s Chase, Toby, he’s…” Flynn looked at him and swallowed, briefly running a hand from his brow to the spines at the back of his head, clearly having trouble to meet TJ’s gaze. “He hung himself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp... that happened. A trip to the emergency ward of the local hospital is in order. But that's for the next chapter.


	36. Before, During, and After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events of that Sunday - and the aftermath - from the perspective of different people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my lovely boyfriend for proof-reading this ^^
> 
> Songs used: Be Free, by Weyes Blood; Always On My Mind, by Elvis Presley.
> 
> Thanks to Delphy for helping me make the starting monologue more ambiguous :3

**Before, During, and After**

 

He entered his dorm room and swung the door shut behind him, not bothering to lock it while he was inside. It had been a long night and, to say he was not satisfied with his life would be an understatement.

 

If anything, he felt like it had been like that for more than one lifetime. Sure, he wanted to be happy, have nice things, and maybe not be afraid of the future. Who didn’t?

 

Yet, time and time again, it felt like life went out of its way to make him miserable.

 

It had been that way for a long time.

 

Of course, he tended to blame other people: False friends, parasites, gossipers, cheaters. Nobody was a saint. Every time he lowered his guard and opened his heart, someone he trusted stabbed it.

 

For a little while, despite a few problems, he thought he had things finally figured out. Finish college, get a decent job, live life to its fullest.

 

Things did not go that way.

 

For the longest time, it was clear as day that he was not at fault. He did try his best. He could swear it. But even his best did not seem to be enough.

 

And it was during one of the few rainy days in Pueblo that he had an epiphany.

 

In hindsight, that had been a long time coming, but he ignored it. He supposed he finally reached the ‘Acceptance’ stage. He chuckled bitterly.

 

And for the past few weeks, he had been trying to rationalize how he ended up the way he was. But to no avail. It was obvious that about every single thing as of late pointed to his own deeds.

 

His own self-protective instincts were what fucked him up in the first place. His own pettiness and selfishness led him to suffer and make others suffer. Needlessly so on both accounts.

 

He had turned on his phone’s radio app at some point. Music sometimes would relax him. But that did not do the trick anymore - it felt as such for decades, to be honest.

 

So, while idly listening to the music in his dorm room, its single occupant tried to weight his options:

 

By some miracle, he would be graduating soon. He had a shitty job in an equally shitty local paper. His parents were a little put off by how he was since his return from Echo. He had no friends and it seemed he couldn’t get himself a man who would treat him the way he preferred.

 

Then again, _what_ would be good enough for him?

 

Tears ran down his cheeks and he sunk his face in his paws, hiccupping and sobbing near-silently. There was nothing.

 

Absolutely nothing.

 

Sure, he could try to start again from a better position. But what was the point? He had as good as it realistically could get more than a couple of times and he still fucked it up. He simply couldn’t let it go.

 

He went to the small bathroom and looked at his reflection in the mirror. A miserable otter with bloodshot eyes and a goatee that didn’t match with his face looked back at him. He sniffled and splashed his face with some water.

 

It was when he had an idea. One that would simply allow him to not worry about being hurt or betrayed anymore… or ruin other people’s lives. Even he acknowledged the latter was a second thought.

 

Maybe he was as irredeemable as they came. That alone would be, perhaps, a good reason to go ahead.

 

The otter did his business and then meticulously cleaned himself in the shower. It was interesting how he fled from punishment for a while, only to finally do it himself. He wasn’t scared. If anything, he felt oddly at peace.

 

He dabbed himself dry with a towel and dressed in his favourite clothes: A simple loose shirt and shorts. He wanted to be clean and comfortable. 

 

By the time he was done dressing up, the radio was playing a song by someone named Weyes Blood. The otter barely listened to its lyrics, but the little he could hear made him think that - if there was a god - it was a sign.

 

The young male opened his small closet and carelessly pushed aside all the clothes hanging on the rail aside, some falling to the floor. The young man looked down at a particularly sturdy pair of denim pants. He looked up at the bar inside the tiny built-in closet of which he hung his shirts. The otter reached a paw and gave it an experimental tug. It was aluminium - this was an old building and things were sturdier back then. He knew.

 

He eventually grabbed it tight with both paws and pulled with all his might. The bar barely budged.

 

That would do.

 

With a sigh, the otter reached for the denim pants and hooked them over the bar by the crotch, slowly twisting the legs and tying them together like a lasso. It was thick and not the right way to do it, but he lacked anything better and did not trust his thin bed sheets to hold his weight.

 

As he worked, he hummed and half-sung some of the lyrics as he heard them. He ended up mumbling the lyrics of _Be Free._

 

_“It's sad to dream_

_It constantly seems_

_Like there's no light at the end of my tunnel_

_False dreams and promises_

_How do I get through to you?_

_Tried to do the best I could_

_Loved you just like a girl should_

_Somewhere I got stuck on you_

 

_It's just the two of us_

_And I want you to be free_

_Don't worry about me_

_I got my thing_

 

_Stay close to the edge and try to admit it_

_That you gave it away when you started to care and I cared_

_A long, long time of mine I waited for you to come around_

_I found a one-way street, that's me_

_Still hanging on to set you free, make you believe_

_I'm yours_

 

_It's just the two of us_

_And I want you to be free_

_Don't worry about me_

_I got my thing_

_I will never fear when you're not with me”_

 

One tear ran down the otter’s cheeks again, and he wiped it on the shoulder of his shirt. He stepped back and contemplated his handiwork. It would do well.

 

The otter then started piling his thickest books as close to under the wardrobe as he could. He knew his hindpaws would be touching the ground, so he hoped that jumping as high as he could, then bending his knees as he came down would make the job quick. He had nowhere else to hang the pants that would be the appropriate height.

 

At least he made sure his bowels and bladder were empty. He had seen a hanging before and always found humiliating how a victim went on the bathroom in themselves. Most people did that when they died - or were close to, he knew.

 

The young male fastened the makeshift noose around his neck and stepped carefully onto the balanced pile of hardcover books. His heart was pounding and he thought about everything that led him to make that decision. But there was nothing really tying him to that world anymore. He would just fuck yet more people up if he stuck around, and he knew. And he would end up alone and suffering in the end. _‘Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat,’_ he thought.

 

He swallowed hard. It would be a fitting punishment for an unrepentant killer to be hanged. He closed his eyes and his last conscious thoughts before preparing himself to jump as high and hard as he could were:

 

_I’m sorry._

 

His neck didn’t break. He felt his throat getting crushed by his makeshift noose and did his best to not struggle, but it was in vain - the body still had its own survival instincts. His paws fruitlessly clawed at his neck and rope, managing to loosen a few of his claws and leave nicks on his neck - but that pain was secondary next to the pressure he felt.

 

His thoughts were a mix of fear, regret, and nostalgia. Memories flooded his mind as he kicked hard enough to break a few of his toes against both his computer desk and the closet’s doors. But he did not feel the pain - his thoughts busy with memories both his and not his own, everything that led to that moment. From the first person who tried to attack him, to that very morning. The otter started gurgling and choking, tears running down his face as he felt the contents of his stomach starting to churn - his body’s vain attempt to free his throat. Yet, he didn’t throw up - he couldn’t, considering his situation.

 

Thick drool started running down profusely out of the otter’s open muzzle as he tried to breath in nothing, his eyes bloodshot and bulging. His legs and tail still kicked and struggled, despite his toes being so hurt they started bleeding on the floor, drawing an abstract image on the cream carpet.

 

He felt his head hurting and the pressure all around it increasing, as the world was starting to get darker and darker. He couldn’t keep his paws up anymore and they fell limp to his sides, twitching from time to time.

 

The last thing the otter heard before everything went dark was someone screaming.

  
  


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“Well, that’s gonna be it for this episode. This is the Ice Cream Man, and tonight’s game was ‘The Night of the Living Bread’. Stay chilly, guys!” Carl winked and gave a thumbs-up at the camera, then moved to turn it off.

 

Despite the popularity of his ‘From the Back of the Fridge’ series of reviews of old consoles, he still did make some time to record gameplay videos - which was what made him famous, after all. He would not alienate his older fans.

 

He leaned back and sighed once he looked at the alarm clock’s display: It was nearing one in the morning and, despite practically being done with college, he knew it would be always good to attend the classes next morning. If anything, would earn brownie points with his teachers and - maybe - give him better references.

 

Though he was quickly gaining popularity on the Human Fandom. People even made a page for him on WikiFlesh. He gave it a short read and even edited it to add a few more details about his work and correct a few wrong guesses.

 

He needed to record his video with TJ soon. People suggested him to review Christian Games and, to be fair, the ram figured it would be hilarious to call TJ as his ‘specialist,’ like he had done with Flynn and FNAF. It reminded him to also make that video with Jenna and the Japanese console aimed just at females - the Tassio Loony. She would have a field day with that one, he knew.

 

Carl had tried to convince his other friends to get their own online presence. People enjoyed Flynn’s sarcasm and the ram knew they’d likely enjoy TJ and Jenna as well. But all of them refused - mostly because they were busy. Carl understood them.

 

They did not exclude the possibility of making appearances in his videos. And Carl was content with that: He liked to show the world the people he talked about during his gameplays.

 

And his fans seemed to like how his friends stuck by him. Of course, they didn’t know a few details about them, like when TJ hurt him. Carl frowned at the thought.

 

That was in the past. Besides, once he thought about it, he genuinely understood: He had been an asshole to TJ earlier, when drunk. Chase had been manipulating him the entire week. And, to top it off, TJ had saved Flynn’s life.

 

Carl felt that _he_ owed the lynx a debt he could never repay.

 

He looked to his right, where he put his phone to recharge over his CPU and unplugged it. He decided to check his Muzzlebook feed.

 

Jenna had shared an article with her friends where a few local and State politicians started cracking down on negligence at the city’s mental asylum she worked. Anonymous sources had tipped them off and given them ample proof of neglect, mismanagement and even embezzlement. The director, some aardvark, was under investigation but it appeared he wouldn’t be arrested: After it was discovered that, on top of the charges, he had an affair with a head nurse of the institution, the aardvark had decided to take the easy way out and had given himself a lethal dose of psychotropics.

 

The good news was that, with the position vacant, Jenna’s boss and friend - the owl whose name eluded Carl - was placed in charge of the Pueblo Mental Health Institute temporarily. Likewise, Jenna had announced on her feed a little later that she would look for a post-graduation class. She wanted to specialize in schizophrenia-related cases.

 

Carl chuckled. Of course she would want to go through the hassle of working and going through university life all over again. Carl had offered to help pay her student loans, but the fennec refused: She said she could handle it.

 

A quick exchange of messages and she had told him that Richard made the same offer. The goat called it ‘an investment.’

 

Speaking of the goat, Carl needed to call him and inquire about what accounting firm he used. He forgot asking about it during their last get-together and his vtube money was starting to become more than he could handle. He might also - if he was feeling lucky - ask Richard if he could give him pointers on what to invest safely.

 

He laughed out loud at the thought (and he wasn’t even high): If his parents heard him talking with Richard, and thinking about all that shit, they’d be really confused. Carl knew that, as much as his parents liked him, they didn’t think he could amount to anything - or rather, what they perceived as _‘anything.’_

 

Something else he looked forward to would be when Flynn and TJ would drop by after work Wednesday. These hang-outs were usually brief, about two or three hours, but they were still fun: Carl could get to know TJ better, and see how much the lynx changed, and hang out with Flynn. It was a win-win.

 

It was another thing he felt immensely grateful to Tobias for: Flynn had been actually smiling more often since they were together.

 

Feeling the urge to sketch something, the ram put his phone back over the CPU and fished for his tablet from his desk drawer. He then linked it to his computer and got the pen in paw. He opened the program he preferred to use and… tapped the tip of the pen on the tablet idly, creating small dots and scratches on the blank screen where his digital work would be.

 

It was always like that: He felt the urge to do something, then lost it as soon as he was about to. Carl fiddled a little with the pen, doodling a few things: An ugly sketch roughly like the president, a cockroach being disgusted at a junkie, a pot leaf, TJ wearing a pimp hat and sunglasses, and other scratchy things as he let his mind wander.

 

Eventually, he sighed and closed the program without saving. He decided to get up and stretch, feeling his elbows and some of his spine popping as he moved. He turned around to start sorting out the needed books for the next day’s class.

 

It was then that he remembered Chase still had his ‘History of Art in Media’ book. The ram sighed again - he would need it back. He really did not want to go see Chase, but that was necessary.

 

Chase… he could forgive him for many things. But trying to kill Flynn crossed a line the ram would never forget.

 

Still, it could be worse. All the ram had to do would be to walk down the corridor, knock on the door, ask Chase to give his book back, then say goodnight. Then Carl would be back in his room with his book, smoke a blunt, then fall asleep.

 

He psyched himself up for a few more moments, then pocketed his phone before leaving. His heart felt heavy and he really regretted walking out of his room. He still had to do it.

 

It felt like forever before the ram found himself facing Chase’s door. He sighed to himself and knocked on it. As expected, there was no answer.

 

He knocked again - hard enough to wake the people sleeping in the next rooms to the left and right, he was sure. Some of them were still up, judging by the lights coming under the door.

 

So was Chase. His lights were on. But there was still no response.

 

“Chase? Listen, could ya lemme in for a second? I need my book back.”

 

Carl gulped. He almost gave up, but decided to try the door handle. It twisted and opened just a few inches. He twiddled his thumbs. “Uhm, Chase, I’m gettin’ in.”

 

The ram opened the door and immediately froze at the sight: Hanging on a noose made from a twisted pair of pants, there was Chase. His eyes had rolled to the back of his head, and he was twitching all over.

 

He let out a gurgle and Carl rushed forward, tears welling in the corners of his eyes. For a moment, he had forgotten all his resentment for Chase. He didn’t want to see someone dying in front of him.

 

The ram wrapped his muscular arms around the otter’s legs and lifted him up as much as he could. He couldn’t undo the knot and he would drop Chase if he tried to. There wasn’t anything sharp nearby.

 

As he cried, feeling some snot slowly running down from his nose and over his lips - tickling him on the way down - Carl took a deep, sniffled breath, and started shouting at the top of his lungs.

 

“HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!”

 

It felt like hours before other curious people opened their doors to see what was going on, to find Carl standing there, rooted to the spot, his trembling arms still hoisting the unconscious body of Chase up.

 

The rest of the events were a blur to Carl. Someone showed up with one of those stupidly-designed ‘tactical knives’ that looked impressive, but did little more than look different and proceeded to (too slowly for the ram’s liking) cut the pants legs off. By then, some other student, a ferret that was studying to be a nurse, immediately started delegating tasks: She told someone specific to call for an ambulance, told the knife hound to contact the campus’ emergency services and tell what happened, and proceeded to try and revive Chase.

 

Someone, Carl did not know who, managed to pull him aside and gently sit him down on some smelly chair in the next dorm room across Chase’s. His breathing was haggard, and he felt his heart pounding on his ears. Carl felt dizzy and he wiped the snot running down his muzzle on his hoodie sleeve. Someone tapped his shoulder and he looked up. It was the ferret.

 

He did not register what she told him. But she forced him to look at his face as he continued to tremble and sweat.

 

“Listen, look at me. Try to control your breathing. Inhale… exhale… inhale… exhale… just focus on it. That’s right… it’ll be alright. Don’t focus on your heart. Count from one hundred to one backwards in intervals of three.”

 

“W-wha-?” Carl looked at the ferret, confused.

 

“Just do it.”

 

The ram felt himself slowly calming down as he tried to focus on his given task, but then he would start crying again. Soon enough, he at least felt himself down to a more manageable level.

 

He wished Flynn was there. The ram asked where the bathroom was and the ferret guided him to it. The ram first took a piss - his bladder nearly voided itself from the scare. But as soon as he started washing his hands, he felt the contents of his stomach churning up and went back to hunch over the porcelain toilet bowl, barfing out the semi-digested remains of his Cheez-Pufs.

 

After he did that, he slowly trudged back to the unknown person’s dorm room and sat back down on the old armchair.

 

Eventually, someone else entered the room and the ferret got up. Carl briefly looked to his left to see a paramedic at the door.

 

By the time they reached the hospital, the ram was calm enough to answer the questions the uncaring rabbit at the reception desk asked him while she filled the form. The ram still had a horrible aftertaste of vomit in his mouth, he knew he reeked and looked like hell, and he was hungry yet had heartburn. 

 

He replayed the events of the past hour in his mind and felt his hands shaking again. He had to do something quick.

 

Carl reached for his phone and, after a failed attempt, managed to unlock it and call Flynn. As soon as he picked up, the ram started talking.

 

“Flynn! FLYNN! F-fuck man please, I need your help! L-listen to me, alright? It’s Chase. He’s hanged himself… I said he’s hanged himself! Yeah… yeah…” the ram sighed and tried in vain to hold back tears. “We’re at the Parkview Medical Center. P-please, don’t hang up! Don’t-! Oh… oh, a-alright… please, come soon, dude…”

 

His voice was reduced to a pained whine at the end. Flynn hung up on the other end and Carl only then hunched over and gave up trying to prevent himself from crying. Soon enough, medical staff took him away to help him calm down before he passed out.

  
  


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Dawn came over the desert highway, but Leo did not stop to appreciate the sunrise.

 

The wolf was barely over the speed limit, following Flynn’s advice to not get himself in an accident or arrested simply because he’d be recklessly going to see his _chula._

 

Well, Chase wasn’t his _chula_ anymore, but when the wolf got a call in the middle of the previous night telling about what happened, it didn’t matter. He still loved Chase.

 

His mind replayed the conversation he had.

 

He had woken up, confused and disoriented, before groaning and picking up the phone. When he noticed it was Flynn, Leo was half-tempted to tell the gila to go fuck himself. But he had to admit he was curious.

 

Flynn wasn’t the kind to call at one in the morning for pleasantries.

 

As soon as he brought the phone to his ear after accepting the call, he heard the gila’s deep voice:

 

_“Hey, Leo, listen. I hope ya don’t do anythin’ stupid. Don’t come drivin’ all the way here right now or you might get into a fuckin’ accident and then we’ll have two people to worry about.”_

 

“Qu- what are you talking bout?” Leo already felt anxious then. Deep down, he imagined it had to do with his otter.

 

_“Just shut the fuck up and listen. Chase tried to kill himself. Before ya ask, he’s alive. He’s in the hospital. Jenna already called his parents. I know it might be hard to rest, but get some fuckin’ sleep before comin’ here, ‘cause I know you’ll be doing that. If ya can’t take care of yourself for your own sake or your friends’, then do it for Chase, alright? I’ll be textin’ ya our address. You can crash on our futon. Chase can’t get visitors that aren’t family right now.”_

 

Leo wanted to say something. Anything, but he found his voice catching in his throat. All he let out was a pitiful whine, like a wounded dog.

 

_“Listen, Leo, I’m sorry. But he’s alive, so… could be worse. Ya know I’m doin’ this for you, not for his sake. But Carl was the one who found and saved him, so he’s pretty fucked up. Now I’m gonna hang up. Get some rest and don’t do anythin’ stupid, alright? If ya need anythin’ that we can do, just call us.”_

 

With that, Flynn hung up.

 

Leo spent the rest of the night lying on his bed, drinking whiskey straight from the bottle, trying to get some rest. The next day, he told his father what had happened, but he still couldn’t leave: He had no money for the gas or for a cheap roadside motel so he could rest. His father promised to lend him some at the end of the day - after giving him the same kind of warning about not being hasty and sloppy about his long drive to Pueblo that Flynn had given.

 

Leo even wondered if his father had been delaying to give him the money on purpose, so he wouldn’t immediately leave.

 

The wolf sheltered himself from the world the next day. He would have drank himself into passing out, if he still had booze. He wouldn’t admit, but he cried over his memories with Chase - good and bad.

 

It was over, he knew, but it did not make the blow any softer.

 

When his father gave him the money that evening, Leo thanked him and, after a quick, restless sleep, he left Echo around two in the morning.

 

Now there he was, half-listening to some Elvis song as he drove through the freeway, taking the quickest route to Pueblo that his GPS indicated for him. As promised, Flynn had texted him his address and Leo got some updates on the situation: Carl started to finally come down, Jenna seemed quiet and introspective, TJ worked at the hospital, so he could get some info on Chase, and Flynn… well, Flynn actually seemed more worried about Carl than the otter. Not that Leo could blame him.

 

The chorus of ‘Always On My Mind’ made Leo’s ears twitch.

 

Indeed, he maybe should have done things differently himself.

 

Maybe he could have been less… controlling and domineering of Chase. Or of his friends.

 

Maybe he should have given Flynn the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he should have stuck closer to TJ or Chase when they needed him.

 

Maybe he shouldn’t have tried to insist on continuing his relationship after the ‘prank’ that Chase and Jenna pulled on him.

 

His view started to get blurry as tears welled up in his eyes. He held the steering wheel with one paw and wiped them with the other. He failed his friends. He couldn’t protect any of them. He couldn’t make them stick together. His efforts had actually fucked it up.

 

He knew all of it when he told Flynn, but he never figured that their choices would lead to such a disaster.

 

Briefly, Leo wondered how things would have turned out if Chase _did_ succeed in killing Flynn.

 

_“Bién… podría ser peor.”_

 

Well, Chase was alive. Flynn was alive. Maybe he should try to find something positive in all that shit.

 

One thing was for sure: He really should have been a better boyfriend. And Chase… maybe Chase didn’t love him. The thought sent a shiver down the wolf’s spine. Leo wiped his tears with the back of his paw again.

 

Nevertheless, he knew one thing: He needed to talk to Chase about it. If anything, just to make sure they are officially over.

 

He looked at the small anchor on his bracelet, before shifting his focus back to the road ahead.

  
  



	37. Finally Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chase is finally awake... and decides to just tie up some loose ends. No use delaying the unavoidable.
> 
> The young otter just wants to make sure the people he once saw as his friends will be fine despite the damage done.
> 
> Songs used: In This River - Black Label Society

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, I didn't get bf to proofread this one, but I was anxious.
> 
> I tried to write the dialogue in the hospital the same way I did in the second chapter of The Ripple Effect: Just with the vague directions of what the characters wanted to say, so as to make the awkwardness and pauses feel a little more real.
> 
> Edit: Delphy found a typo (Chace), pointed out there was a point Flynn had openly cried before, and found another error (wrong subject in a phrase). So, I had to change accordingly. Thanks, Delphy! :3
> 
> Raccoon 2.0 also managed to spot a minor gramatical issue, which I fixed.

**Finally Awake**

 

Chase had no idea what time it was. All he knew was that it was late afternoon, judging from the lights coming from the windows.

 

He had been given his own room. Likely because of the suicide attempt rather than because his insurance could cover the cost. He and his parents would likely have to work their asses off to cover it.

 

His throat still hurt. The doctors had told him that he had crushed his windpipe and a few other things. He couldn’t speak during the first couple of days. His parents did come in the morning of his first day at the hospital. They would stay in town for a while.

 

While Chase was happy to see them away, he still realized there was a lot of things that would be different now that he was by himself once more. It would be so even if there wasn’t a suicide attempt involved.

 

By the third day, he could more or less whisper in order to communicate without hurting his throat too much. Still, he preferred not to. He would answer the questions posed by the medical staff and his parents, but that was about it.

 

Chase knew that Toby worked at this hospital, but he hadn’t seen the lynx. He did hear his former friend asking his nurse outside the door for an update, but once he asked if he could be allowed in, the nurse rejected it. Still, the otter knew TJ would be talking to the others about his status.

 

His parents did bring his phone, but Chase didn’t really want to do anything. Either on his phone or… anything at all. He just laid there, trying to think on what to do. For a long time, he had been a spectator of his own life, as if he lived a nightmare where he had little control of what happened.

 

Chase couldn’t really explain why that happened. He had a vague idea, but that wasn’t anything clear. He also had no idea how he was be supposed to live his life now: He remembers everything he saw and learned from observing, but did not mean he had the confidence to perform his job or… just live his life as an adult in general by now.

 

Part of him really wished he could go back to being friends with the old gang again. Even Flynn. He knew the guy was always an asshole, but it did not mean that he deserved what happened to him.

 

Besides… now that Chase thought of it, he wasn’t a saint even as a kid. Children can be unintentionally cruel and he remembered the way he treated Sydney - and sometimes even Carl or TJ - back then.

 

If anything, none of them were saints.

 

He knew that, realistically, the chance of any of the old gang to desire hanging out with him again was practically zero. And, if he had to be honest with himself, he did not feel comfortable being near any of them either. Both because they got used to someone else, because of what had happened at Lake Emma (well, both incidents), and because Chase himself had seen a few unpleasant sides of all of them that really put him off.

 

Leo’s jealousy and violence, Jenna’s selfish competitiveness and willingness to leave friends behind when it suited her, Flynn’s own pettiness and the lengths he went for the sake of ‘closure,’ TJ and Carl’s tendencies to collaborate with awful things if their friends were the ones doing them…

 

Sure. Everyone was capable of being an asshole. Chase was the proof of that. But seeing his friends metaphorically at each other’s throats practically sealed the deal for the otter: There would be no going back.

 

Still, he just wanted to make sure he hadn’t fucked things up so much for them that he could feel a little less shitty enough to try and pick the pieces of his own life.

 

He wondered if he should tell anyone the truth. Who would believe it? That he hadn’t had control of his own life for all these years? Even Chase himself had a hard time believing it.

 

Chase was scared. He started crying again. He knew that, chances were he would be sent to a madhouse. He had heard a few things about such places and knew that he wouldn’t be walking out of one ever again.

 

He decided to pick his phone up. There were some messages he had received since his first day at the hospital. The otter’s grip was weak, but he managed to slide and unlock the touch screen.

 

_From: TJ_

_Hey. Leo is in town. We’re glad that you survived._

 

 _‘I doubt Flynn is anywhere near ‘glad,’’_ thought Chase, then he looked at the other messages.

 

_From: Leo_

_hey chase, how r u? we tried to visit, but tj said we aren’t allowed - family members only. i wanna talk with u about somethin_

 

Chase felt a small sense of relief. Despite the fact he wanted to get some closure with his former friends, he wouldn’t have liked if Leo showed up while he had been in horrible pain and unable to speak.

 

‘Specially since Leo drove all that distance to hear that it was, indeed, over between them. Chase felt a pang of guilt, but it did not seriously bother him.

 

_From: Jenna_

_Listen, Chase, I’m sorry that things got so bad for you that you decided this was the only way out. You remember Adam, right? He… he decided to go the same way. If there’s anything I can do, just let me know._

 

A wistful smile formed briefly on Chase’s muzzle. He did not resent Jenna that much, but he was still a little wary of her. If he recalled correctly, she had sworn to be done with him, TJ, and Flynn. The otter briefly wondered if, had she not lost some of her relatives to suicide, Jenna would even be messaging him after she learned of the attempt murder at the lake.

 

But there was something that she could try to do. Chase took a deep breath and wiped the tears running from his eyes on the back of his paw. And, with some difficulty, managed to type a message for the fennec:

 

_To: Jenna_

_Tanks. I wanna talk with all of u, Flynn included. Tngt, if u can. I know we can’t be friends anymore, but I just want all of us to have some closure about this stuff. Can u do that?_

 

_From: Jenna_

_I will try. No promises._

 

Now all Chase had to do was wait… and hope for the best… while expecting the worst.

 

That was, pretty much, the history of his life.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Jenna had taken much of her lunch break messaging the others back and forth. It took some convincing with Flynn, and Carl flat-out refused to go - if he were in town, that was. Considering the ram’s state, it was for the best.

 

When they heard about what happened, Flynn’s bosses had notified Eleanor - it turned out that she and Carl kept in touch with each other. It still caught Jenna by surprise when she heard that the goat doe flew in all the way from Amsterdam back to the US when she heard of the news. While they barely spoke since she had returned, the doe and Flynn kept Carl in their company until his parents came to town.

 

Carl’s parents concluded that their son needed to be away from all that mess for a while. They talked with Jenna, Flynn, his therapist and, surprisingly, Richard. In the end, Mr. Hendricks and Mr. Maitland came to a deal: Richard would lend them the key to a house he had in an isolated area of Beverly Hills. It was a small manor in a large property, with its own woods surrounding it and protected behind tall gates. Carl would be able to rest there with whoever he decided for a while.

 

Flynn would have gone with his friend, but he had to work and, despite the good will his bosses had towards them, it would be impractical to give him an extended break. In the end, Eleanor offered to accompany him. She was much more restrained this time around, from what Jenna heard.

 

Carl had accepted the offer. She sent a text with a photo attached to Flynn the next day, showing Carl, apparently more relaxed, watching some superhero movie and saying he seemed to be a little better, but asking help for when he started hyperventilating. 

 

The fennec had never been that close to Carl. But she couldn’t deny that she felt happy both to help him with her knowledge on how to handle a panic attack, plus when she saw he had found a woman that really seemed to like him. Flynn had once or twice mentioned Carl had body image issues.

 

Her thoughts came to a halt when she noticed Flynn’s truck pulling over. The gila and TJ walked out of the vehicle and greeted her. Flynn obviously did not seem happy and Jenna couldn’t really blame him. She just hoped he wouldn’t revert to his old ways and make a scene once they entered the hospital.

 

Soon enough, Leo’s minivan pulled behind her car. The wolf emerged from it looking miserable and tired. She tried to smell for alcohol and felt relieved when she didn’t pick the tell-tale scent of booze around the wolf. He and Flynn shook paws and he awkwardly greeted TJ.

 

“Let’s go,” Jenna said and made her way into the hospital without waiting to see if the males would follow her. Her ears twitched upon hearing their approach and she could see them following from the reflection on the hospital’s glass doors.

 

It felt like ages had gone through after they got in. TJ told them that he knew the place - obviously - so they decided to let the lynx take the lead. Despite the signs and the coloured lines on the floor leading to this or that section, the fennec knew these not familiar with such a huge hospital’s layout would get lost. The faint smell of chemicals, medical alcohol and - despite the best efforts - bodily fluids and blood filled the air. Medical staff roamed the corridors, like ants, each with their own tasks to perform. Sometimes, they would find a random patient being wheeled or walking while taking their IV to get something from the occasional vending machines posted in regular intervals along the corridors like sentinels.

 

But there they were, still in their work outfits. It wasn’t that late - barely early evening, and the fennec now watched as her friends and Leo gathered on the corridor right outside Chase’s room. 

 

TJ tried to beg the night nurse to allow them in. The nurse - a husky with beautiful blue eyes that showed a hint of fatigue - kept denying them access to Chase’s room. Even though Chase had told Jenna via text that he had told the nurse to let them in, one at a time.

 

Jenna tried her own hand at convincing the nurse when it appeared Leo would do it by force. Fortunately, Flynn was able to hold the wolf back. Leo’s little display of aggression just helped making Jenna lose her train of thought and put the nurse completely off.

 

It was until Flynn stepped in. The gila wrapped one arm around the husky’s shoulder and Jenna couldn’t believe the next things that came out of the lizard’s mouth:

 

“Listen, we’re here to celebrate a very important union… the union between two hundred bucks and the pocket of your scrubs.”

 

The gila raised his ridges and forced a smirk at the husky. The nurse narrowed his eyes at him and briefly entered Chase’s room, before coming out again and stopping in front of Flynn, the dog keeping his arms crossed. The gila reached for his wallet and, indeed, picked up one hundred and two fifties to hand to the dog.

 

“I’m gonna go out for a smoke. You have thirty minutes.”

 

The glare that the canine gave to TJ before walking out wasn’t missed by either Jenna or TJ.

 

“So, who goes in first?” Leo asked, not even bothering to mask his anxiety.

 

“Why don’t all of us just get in and get this fuckin’ shit over with already?” Flynn said with obvious annoyance, before just walking into the otter’s room.

 

Jenna splayed her ears, before forcing them up and following Flynn, alongside TJ and Leo.

 

Chase half-sat on his bed. The fennec could see the nurse had propped the back up, so he could more or less be able to watch them. The otter studied them with bleary, half-lidded eyes. His gaze stopped at Flynn, who just scowled back, his paws balling up into fists.

 

“I’d… want… Jenna… first…” Chase whispered.

 

Flynn left the room without another word, followed by TJ, with his ears droopy and head hung low. Leo’s ears splayed and Jenna could see him starting to frown, but then he left and closed the door behind himself.

 

Jenna walked up to the feet of the hospital bed and rested her paw on the metal support. She had to force her ears to stand upwards and her face to not show her own sorrow or regret. It was one of the rare times she was lost for words. “Well… here I am, Chase. What… what would you like to talk about?”

 

“I… just… wanna… say… thank you.” Chase closed his eyes shut, before opening them. “And… that… I’m… sorry.”

 

“I… that wasn’t… me, Ja- Jen… I can’t… fix this… I wish I… we… were better… people. You… changed…. I hear. I… I… wanna try… too.”

 

Jenna felt her ears drooping with each word. She knew what Chase was talking about - or at least she had an idea. 

 

The fennec felt tears welling in her eyes. She briefly wondered if standing by Chase wouldn’t have helped avoid it. But what could have she done? Adam, much like her parents, were dead-set on their ways. They wouldn’t change. She could tell. And Chase… this Chase she spoke with reminded her of the little kid that would hang out with them during and after school.

 

The one that always acted like a mini-submarine to an amused and easily impressionable Toby.

 

“I wish I could’ve helped you,” Jenna started, before sniffing and briefly grinding her teeth, swallowing an attempt at a cry before she continued: 

 

“I… I won’t lie. I might’ve have said that I was glad Sydney died once. But I still wish it wasn’t murder… that it wasn’t you. And Flynn… why did you do that?”

 

Chase closed his eyes for a while, then opened it. His own mouth opened and closed a few times as he seemed to look for words, before he finally spoke:

 

“I… I wanted to protect Toby… I wanted to stop. I didn’t want to… to kill. I didn’t. I swear… but I couldn’t… I couldn’t…”

 

The otter started crying silently. He did not sob or blubber, but Jenna saw the tears rolling down his face and, every once in a while, he would sniffle.

 

“Jenna… I need help.”

 

“And you will get it. There’s a professional-”

 

Chase raised one paw to cut her off.

 

“Would… you… want… to still… be my friend?”

 

The fennec slumped a little, suddenly finding hard to meet Chase’s gaze.

 

“I… I’d like to. But I won’t lie… it’s awkward to be with you. It feels weird. And now I became close to Flynn…” She trailed off.

 

Even though Jenna thought that her declaration would make Chase sad, she was surprised to see relief showing in the otter’s face.

 

“I… I understand… and I’m glad. I don’t think… we’d be fine… together… anymore.”

 

There was a brief silence, before Chase spoke again.

 

“Ja- Jenna… when we were kids… I… I had a crush on you.”

 

That caught Jenna off-guard. “Y- you did?”

 

Chase nodded weakly. “It’s not meant to be… I know that now.”

 

Jenna trembled at the revelation. Maybe Leo had been in a relationship with him simply because the wolf had a better game, after all?

 

Whatever it was, Jenna had to admit to herself it would feel weird being around Chase after everything - and even weirder being _with_ Chase. Speaking of him, his voice caught her attention again:

 

“That’s… that’s all… thanks again. And… I’m sorry. Could you call… Leo?”

 

“So am I, Chase. And no problem” Jenna sighed. She saw the otter nodding at her and left the room.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


TJ had tried to make up conversation with him. In fact, they all did since Leo had arrived. But even with all these days of being with them, the wolf could barely find himself motivated enough to respond with more than a couple of words or a monosyllabic answer.

 

Eventually, they set into an uncomfortable silence. Fortunately, it did not last long, as Jenna left Chase’s room. The fennec looked a little down in the dumps and Leo, despite some of the bad blood between them in the distant past, felt bad for her.

 

“He wants to talk to you, Leo.” Jenna stated. Leo blinked and saw the fennec go to the wall next to TJ and lean against it, crossing her arms.

 

Leo sighed and looked at the other two men before him. TJ seemed unsure, his gaze still on the ground. Flynn, on the other hand, just nodded slowly at him. Leo nodded in return and entered the otter’s room.

 

Upon entering, the first thing Leo noticed was Chase’s musk. He couldn’t help but take a deep breath - he enjoyed the otter’s smell, as much as Chase was embarrassed by it.

 

And, indeed, when he looked at Chase, he could see a tired grimace on the face of his _chula._ Well, he wasn’t that anymore, Leo figured.

 

But he needed to know if he still had a chance or not.

 

The wolf started walking to the bed, but noticed Chase seemed to flinch as he approached, so he stopped. He looked around the room and managed to find a cheap, plain chair, which he pulled and took a seat by the otter’s bed.

 

He reached out to touch Chase’s paw, but he pulled away. Immediately, Leo felt his heart sinking and he fought back tears. He wouldn’t cry. Real men didn’t cry.

 

“I…” Chase started, seemingly trying to find his words, “Thanks for coming, Leo…”

 

Hearing how weak and raspy the otter’s voice was hurt almost as much as the rejection. Leo nodded.

 

“You know I’d show up, no matter what.”

 

“Yeah…” Chase nodded and looked away.

 

“So, how do you feel?” Leo said.

 

“Awful.” The otter said in return. He swallowed once. Twice. Taking deep, short breaths, and Leo knew Chase was trying to gather enough courage to say something bad.

 

And, as much as it hurt, his suspicions were confirmed once the otter spoke:

 

“I’m sorry, Leo… but it’s over. It’s been over for a long time… I… I think I was selfish. I didn’t want to use you. But I… in the end I did just that. I like you. I really did… but I didn’t love you.”

 

“Chase, please…” Leo swallowed, his lips trembling.

 

 “I’m sorry… there isn’t much to say… I tried. I tried real hard to make this work… but it can’t. It’s over, Leo… just…”

 

“Oh, Chase… _por favor_ …”

 

“Please, Leo. Listen to me.” The otter raised his voice as much as he could, flinching in pain. “Leo… I know you still… you still like me.”

 

As hard as Leo tried, he couldn’t help but wipe a few stray tears with his thumb. He took a deep breath and managed to steel himself.

 

“If you do… then I ask of you to not… to not hurt yourself on my account. Look at me… I… I’m not the Chase you fell in love with… Leo, please… just go on with your life. Try to forget about me… find someone who makes you happy… please.”

 

“I don’t… I don’t think I’ll ever forget ya, Chase.” Leo said, never having felt so hurt before. Not even when Chase pretended to break up with him. Or when he just left Echo without as much as a goodbye. 

 

Or when he learned that the man he loved was a killer.

 

But it was over. And he knew it now. Leo gave it some more thought and nodded. “I… I’ll try. I’m sorry. I wasn’t a good boyfriend either…”

 

“It… wasn’t meant… to be.” Chase forced a smile. “I’ll… we had a few good… moments. I’ll… treasure them. Thank you… for everything.”

 

“No. Thank you, Chase.” Leo licked his lips. “Well… is that all?”

 

“Yes… tell Teej… I wanna see him.”

 

“Alright.” Leo got up, his legs trembled as he walked. It took all his self control to not collapse in a pitiful heap then and there. He wanted to lie down and drink himself into sleep.

 

He hesitated a little before leaving, but Chase didn’t say anything and he knew that staying would only make him hurt longer. 

 

As he reached the door, the wolf took another look at the anchor bracelet he always wore… and took it off. He wondered if he would throw it in the trash or not but, in the end, he just dropped it on the floor, the enamelled tin anchor making a low dinging noise, but staying right where it was.

 

 _‘Adiós, mi amor,’_ Leo whispered after one last glance at Chase, and left. 

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


“He wanna see you, Teej.” Leo mumbled as he came out.

 

TJ hesitated, hoping he had heard wrong. Flynn had grabbed his arm tight, but not enough to hurt him.

 

The lynx sighed and looked up at Flynn, who looked down at him with a pleading expression.

 

“I have to… it’ll be fine.” TJ forced a smile, but it was clear Flynn was unconvinced. Jenna approached the lizard and rested a paw on his arm.

 

“Let him, Flynn. You’re here for him if things go sour.”

 

The gila licked his lips and looked down at TJ again, then he reluctantly let go.

 

TJ turned around and looked at Chase’s room. The door was slightly ajar and, suddenly, it felt as if the place was miles away from him. He started to walk towards the open door, with the same weariness TJ imagine someone walking through the death row on their way to the electric chair must have felt.

 

The lynx placed a paw on the door and finished opening it all the way, before closing it behind himself. There was a chair by Chase’s bed, and TJ took wide, but hesitant steps there and took a seat. He felt better now he sat down, despite not being able to keep his ears - or tail - up.

 

“How… are you doing?” Was the first thing Chase asked.

 

“I’m fine. Fine. All things considered…”

 

The otter took a deep breath and TJ could see a hint of smile forming on his former friend’s muzzle. Despite everything that happened between them, Toby really couldn’t find it in himself to be angry or resentful at him.

 

And it wasn’t because he had helped him with Sydney. It was simply because TJ knew none of them deserved what happened.

 

Because, even though TJ would never be too cowardly (or courageous) to kill himself, the lynx did wonder what was the point of going on during the worst years of his life.

 

People liked to criticize these who commited suicide, but TJ knew how much one had to be in despair in order to think that would be the only way out.

 

And he knew that Flynn did too. Otherwise, the gila wouldn’t have come.

 

“How… how about you, Chase? Do you need anything?” TJ tried to force a smile.

 

“Heh… I’ll live… and yeah - a time machine.”

 

They fell into silence again. TJ did not know what to say in order to break the ice so, after a while, it took all of his resolve to be direct for once:

 

“What would you like to talk about with me?”

 

The otter had been looking straight forward and didn’t move, only his eyes shifting to meet TJ’s gaze.

 

“I… I wanted to just know how you were doing. And apologize… for what happened with you.”

 

“That’s… that’s all in the past, Chase.” TJ tried to assure him. But the lynx himself felt like his words were hollow.

 

He still had nightmares about what could have been if Chase had succeeded in killing Flynn. He still felt amazed about how the gila forgave him. And the only thing that mitigated his horrible nights was when he could wake up and find the lizard there, alive, healthy and dozing off by his side. Sometimes, Flynn would wake up before he did - or wake up from his crying - and hold TJ in his arms until he fell back asleep.

 

“We both know that’s a lie…” Chase now turned to fully face TJ.

 

TJ was lost for words. The otter continued:

 

“I gave this some thought and… I know that, if I asked… you’d see me… you’d… be here… but I can’t. I know that… deep down… you wouldn’t be happy with it.” Chase reached one paw to wipe his wet nose with a thumb. “Things have gotten too awkward between us…”

 

Tobias felt his forced smile fall apart. He slumped, his elbows propped over his thighs to support his body up, his gaze down to the polished white floor. “Yeah…”

 

“I just called you here… to apologize. And… hopefully… see that you’ll be fine…”

 

Looking up, TJ met his former friend’s stare. Chase seemed sincere. Then again, he did so in Echo as well.

 

“Thanks… for helping me, by the way.” TJ finally said.

 

Chase nodded and scoffed. “There were better ways…”

 

“Yeah… I know…”

 

Silence reigned in the hospital room again. It felt like an eternity while TJ shifted his stare from the ground to Chase, to the medical equipment and IV by the otter’s bed, and back to the ground, before one of them finally said something. It was Chase:

 

“So… you and Flynn?”

 

TJ instantly looked back up, his mouth slightly agape in surprise. He didn’t know what to say, and flapped his mouth a little, trying to think of something to respond. Chase chuckled, and the lynx cleared his throat, before nodding.

 

“Uhm, yeah. I still don’t know how that ended this way, but… the more we spent time with each other after we became friends, we… I think we started liking each other. Even I have trouble to believe it sometimes, but… I… I’m glad things ended up this way.”

 

“Are… you?” Chase asked with one raised brow. He seemed genuinely curious.

 

“Uhm, yeah! I mean… sure, he cusses a lot, and he is not very fond of religion… and he may have some tastes that I find odd. I mean… fishing is kinda boring…” TJ let out an embarrassed chuckle. Chase laughed with him.

 

“But, all in all… he’s… surprisingly kind and sweet when you earn his trust… and he’s been there for me.” TJ looked at the window. It was already dark outside. He felt the corners of his muzzle tugging upwards into an smile as he replayed in his mind the past couple of years - from the time a tired, overweight Flynn came in for dinner at their apartment, all the way to the past few nights.

 

“I… see…” Chase looked forwards again.

 

“I… I’m sorry… if you hoped anything could happen, uh, between-”

 

“It’s alright, Teej…” Chase sighed and looked back at him. “I think you… kinda made it clear.”

 

TJ’s thoughts now shifted back to when he clawed at the otter in the woods.

 

He then wondered if Chase had the same betrayed look in his face then, that he had when the lynx clawed at him in order to save Flynn. TJ frankly couldn’t tell.

 

It wasn’t that TJ thought homossexuality was bad. He knew he swinged both ways since his teenage years (though he had an overwhelming preference for girls). If anything, it was Chase’s own help that made him realize that.

 

It was just that, while he _did_ think the otter had a cute butt, that didn’t mean he would be willing to have anything else with him.

 

Same way how he thought Jenna was a beautiful woman, yet wouldn’t want a relationship with her.

 

And TJ was sure that Chase realized that. At least, by now. The otter did not seem to be hurt in the least. If anything, Chase looked… relieved? He seemed to be at peace.

 

Obviously, the lynx himself was glad that he wouldn’t have to face his former friend try to make a move on him after a bungled suicide attempt.

 

The rest of their quick talk had been, pretty much, Chase asking him about his work life and prospects. It almost felt nice… but every time TJ allowed himself to feel comfortable, he would look at Chase and remember of the otter who tricked him and who nearly drowned Flynn, and the awkwardness would resume.

 

Eventually, they ran out of things to talk. TJ excused himself and went to the door.

 

“I suppose you’d like me to call Flynn now, right?”

 

Chase sighed and nodded. When TJ started to reach for the door handle, the otter spoke again:

 

“Hey, Teej… does he… make you happy?”

 

TJ looked down, once more thinking about the times he woke up crying and Flynn was there to embrace him. Or when he had a bad day at work and the gila would make something TJ enjoyed for dinner and talk to him to keep his mind away from it. And the little things like how he seemed to smile more often when they were together.

 

“Yes. Yes, he does.” TJ smiled fondly.

 

“Then I’m happy… for you.” Chase gave him a broad and genuine smile. “Seeya ‘round… Toby.”

 

“See you someday, Chase. And don’t call me Toby.”

 

TJ gave his former friend a sad smile, to which Chase chuckled and waved him off.

 

Before he left, TJ accidentally stepped on something. He lifted his paw to see the bracelet Leo always wore. He knew - or rather could guess - its significance. It was then and there that the lynx realized Chase and Leo were officially not a thing anymore.

 

While the young feline knew it was for the best, he still felt a little sad about it. He leaned down and retrieved the item and, after briefly wondering what he would do with it, the lynx pocketed the anchor and left the room.

  
  


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Flynn noticed TJ coming out more or less unchanged. If anything, the lynx seemed lighter, as if he had a weight removed from his shoulders. He wondered what they talked about.

 

He looked at his boyfriend and, just from the way TJ nodded at him, Flynn knew that he would find out later. He also did not miss the lynx nodding at the door to Chase’s room.

 

Well, that was it. Now he would find out what the shitstain wanted.

 

The gila did not waste any time in getting in, closing the door and walking to the bed. He decided to stand up by the side, instead of sit down on the chair someone - maybe the nurse - had put by Chase’s bedside.

 

“What do ya want?” He asked.

 

Chase looked at him and the gila saw something off. Instead of the usual pitiful expression he had when he was pretending to be hurt, he seemed genuinely intimidated. It was almost as if he were seeing TJ before they were friends.

 

For some reason, that seemed to click with something… something that his auntie had mentioned a few times while the gila recovered in the hospital. Flynn’s anger seemed to slowly dissipate and he licked his lips.

 

It felt like if he were looking at a different Chase.

 

“Well…?” Flynn gestured with his hand for Chase to go on.

 

“I… all I have to say is… I’m sorry. I… I just wanted to see… see that… ah, this is stupid.” The otter sighed and looked to the other side.

 

“Oh, fuck no, asshole. You aren’t gonna call me in here, after all of this shit, and just tell me that you’re fuckin’ sorry. Ya better spit out, before I lose my patience.”

 

“I…” Chase looked back at him, still with the same frightened expression. “I… just… wanted to make sure you were alright…”

 

“Oh, I’m ‘alright,’ alright. Anyone who’s had a former friend act like a fuckin’ lunatic for the entire goddamn week, then try to kill ya to stop ya from finding out that he killed your best friend’s gonna be just fuckin’ great, you two-faced cunt.”

 

“You… you have the right… to be pissed.”

 

“Oh, do I? Why, thank you, asswipe,” Flynn crossed his arms and scowled.

 

Chase shook his head slowly. “I… I wish I could undo it. I can’t. I’m sorry… and I’m sorry there’s nothin’ I can do… to make it better.”

 

“‘Nothin’ ya can do to make it better?’ Are you fuckin’ shittin’ me? I put my entire fuckin’ life on hold since Syd’s death. Tryin’ to figure out how’d it happen. I knew it wasn’t an accident… Toby’s told me that he wasn’t himself that day. And… as much as it fuckin’ pisses me off to hear this, I do believe him. It’s just… fuck, Chase… we were fuckin’ friends! Why’d ya do it? Ya could’ve easily hurt him without killin’ him. Ya could’ve done that with me without tryin’ to kill me! You’re a fuckin’ cunt and you know it. Do ya think I’ll feel better and forgive ya just ‘cause ya tried to kill yourself, you muskshit?”

 

Flynn’s hands now gripped the back of the chair tight, his short claws making small scratches on the polished wood backrest.

 

“And now ya have the fuckin’ _gall_ to ask me if I’m okay? Well fuck, alright, I did manage to rebuild my life from fuckin’ nothing. But no thanks to ya,” Flynn started panting once he was done, having finally let out some things he wanted to tell Chase for years.

 

Chase seemed to shrink into himself, and Flynn realized the otter was genuinely afraid, for once. He did not have that hurt look with a hint of wounded pride that he’d usually get. It was pure, sheer terror.

 

Once, it would make Flynn feel good. But now, he surprised himself to see that, while he did not feel sorry, he felt no satisfaction from it.

 

The otter took a haggard breath, as if he were fighting back tears, and met the gila’s gaze. 

 

“I… I know… I don’t seek your forgiveness… I just am glad to see you’re happy… with TJ… I promise to not bother you… anymore.”

 

“Well, shit. I’m glad. Last thing I wanted would be ya comin’ around and fuckin’ this up. You’re such a sponge, Chase. Everythin’ you touched, you fucked up. Yeah. I know: Part of the shit that happened is my fault. But only ya did fuck Leo up. And TJ… he’s still got nightmares about it, know that?”

 

“No, I… I didn’t.” Now Chase started sobbing. “Oh, God, Toby…”

 

“Usually, I’d be pissed that you cry only for him. But... so do I. Ya have no fuckin’ clue how much harm ya have done to him.”

 

“I… I wish I could… I could just,” Chase winced in pain, “I wish I could fix it…”

 

“Well, ya can’t. I mean, shit, Chase… what happened to ya? We didn’t always see eye to eye, but we were fuckin’ friends! Even Syd was nice to ya until you yapped about what happened in the woods.” Chase looked at Flynn in shock. “Yeah. Did ya think I wouldn’t find out? And I had been willin’ to forget it, _all of that shit,_ if ya didn’t try to fuckin’ drown me. And make Toby be your lil’ partner, no less. I coulda… I could’ve understand what happened to Syd… oh, make no fuckin’ mistake, I didn’t like it. But Toby and I talked about it and… there’s no fuckin’ denying: He was actin’ off that day.”

 

“You… you hate me… don’t you?”

 

It was now Flynn who felt his head starting to hurt and his sight getting blurry from the tears welling in his eyes, but the gila grind his teeth and blinked a few times, controlling himself. “I fuckin’ know ya weren’t yourself that day. I know it! But in my nightmares, I still see _your_ fuckin’ face as ya hold me down. It’s _your_ filthy fuckin’ paws that are holdin’ me! I can’t get into _any_ body of water deeper than two feet anymore without feelin’ like shit. Toby and I are in therapy because of what we went through. _It’s been nearly four years and I still can’t close my eyes without seein’ ya tryin’ to kill me!”_

 

He turned his back and marched to the door. Before opening the gila turned back to face the otter once more. “I don’t hate ya, Chase. As much as it fuckin’ pains me, I don’t even wish ya ill, you fuckin’ pansy: _I just wish you could get out of my fuckin’ life!”_

 

Flynn slammed the door behind himself and marched out, ignoring his friends and TJ on the corridor. He heard both Jenna and his boyfriend calling his name, and then, TJ was racing down the corridor after him.

 

The gila walked all the way to his truck outside and unlocked the door, his head going through everything that had happened in Echo. Their childhoods, his fuck-ups, Syd’s lame treasure hunts he pretended to enjoy, everything.

 

When he opened his truck, he also let TJ in, without saying a word. When the gila started the engine, the radio also sprung to life. It was some Rock Music station his boss had put on when they were hanging out during the previous night and Flynn was his designated driver. With Carl out of town and his need to talk about what was on his mind without bothering TJ or Jenna, his boss had been his only choice. Not that he regretted it - they knew pretty much everything about each other’s lives by now.

 

Flynn was moving almost mechanically. He did not turn the radio off. Even when it started playing a song that his boss had told him, during their previous night's hangout, was dedicated to the lead singer’s dead friend.

 

His boss actually told him that it made him think of his own dead friend, José. Flynn was never fond of music, though the gila did find himself being more and more acquainted to it the more he hung around in his bosses’ home with his friends. He decided to listen to the lyrics as he drove, ignoring TJ’s aprehensive look.

 

_“I've been around this world, yet I see no end._

_All shall fade to black again and again._

_This storm that's broken me, my only friend._

_Yeah_

 

_In this river all shall fade to black_

_In this river ain't no coming back_

_In this river all shall fade to black_

_Ain't no coming back_

 

_Withdrawn a step away, just to find my self_

_The door is closed again, the only one left_

_This storm that's broken me my only friend_

_Yeah_

 

_In this river all shall fade to black_

_In this river ain't no coming back_

_In this river all shall fade to black_

_In this river all shall fade to black_

_In this river ain't no coming back_

_In this river all shall fade to black_

_Ain't no coming back”_

 

The song went on, and the gila wanted to ignore the heartache of the memories that came flooding his thoughts - good and bad. Cycling over and over, from the day Syd had died to the talk he just had with the shell of what once was Chase.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


TJ did not say anything during the trip back home. Once they were parking, the lynx checked his phone: Jenna had messaged him, telling that she would try to make sure Leo would be good enough to drive, then they would come home as well. Leo would leave for Echo either the next day or the one after.

 

Something told TJ this wouldn’t be the last they’d have seen of Leo.

 

The lynx looked back at Flynn, feeling miserable at the sight: While it was generally easy to tell when he was upset, he had never seen Flynn so… stone-faced. It was as if he were trying his best to keep everything he felt bottled up within.

 

Once the truck was parked, both men got out and TJ barely had time to close his door before Flynn locked the truck. They went upstairs in silence, Flynn taking broad strides and TJ in tow.

 

Flynn swung the door open after unlocking it and walked inside the apartment, tossing his keys at the kitchen table. They landed on the edge and fell on the floor, but the gila did not notice or care. TJ quickly locked their apartment door and retrieved the truck’s keys - someone could hurt their paw stepping on them. TJ’s ears twitched and he noticed Flynn going into his room.

 

TJ took a deep breath and sighed, trying his best to keep his ears erect. He followed Flynn and, upon entering the room, he saw the lizard just sitting on his computer chair in the middle of the room, seemingly deep in thought. The younger male decided to sit down on his bed and reach a paw for Flynn’s shoulder.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

 _‘That’s a stupid question, Tobias,’_ TJ thought.

 

It was then when Flynn scoffed. TJ pinned his ears back and the gila turned around. His lips were contorted into a snarl, showing his teeth, but they were trembling. But it was only once the gila let out a strained ‘fuck!’ exclamation that the young lynx realized that Flynn’s reaction wasn’t a scoff.

 

It was a sob. Flynn was actually crying, instead of just tearing up. TJ hadn't seen the lizard openly weep like that in a long, long time.

 

Way before they were together.

 

TJ tried to hug his boyfriend, and Flynn slid off the chair and got on his knees on the floor, resting his head on the lynx’s lap. Tobias felt like weeping himself, distressed to see the man he learned to love suffering so much.

 

Flynn let out a wail, almost like a scream. It sounded comically like a laugh, going ‘aaaaah haah haah’ like TJ himself had done before.

 

The lynx felt his shirt and pants getting wet from the gila’s tears, Flynn’s arms were tightly wrapped around TJ’s midsection.

 

Without knowing what to do, TJ just started stroking the gila’s purple-pink, hair-like spines with his right paw, the left one still keeping him in a half-hug.

 

Between sobbing, Flynn finally spoke. “Fuck! W-why’d he do it? H-he was my f-fuckin’ friend, Toby… why’d he do that?”

 

“I… don’t know.” TJ whispered. Was he talking about Chase? Sydney? Both?

 

“He was my friend… he was my fuckin’ friend…” Was all that the lizard kept repeating.

 

“Flynn, shhh… Flynn, look at me.” TJ said in a soft voice, cupping the gila’s face in his paws and making him look up to meet his gaze. TJ planted a kiss on his lips, not caring about the mucus that had built over them.

 

“Same way you’re here for me every night, I’m here for you. Now let it all out… I know how it feels… I’m here for you. I'll _always_ be here for you too, Flynn. I promise.”

 

Flynn nodded and buried his head on the lynx’s chest, hugging tighter. TJ could do nothing but continue stroking the lizard’s head and upper back.

 

Eventually - TJ couldn’t tell when - Flynn calmed down. He got up and sniffled a little, but besides his wet and bloodshot eyes, and some snot on his muzzle, his face resumed its usual cold expression.

 

“Thanks, Toby…” he said. TJ flashed him a sad smile and Flynn returned it in kind.

 

TJ closed the door and, soon enough, they both found themselves wearing only their underwear. The lynx helped take Flynn to bed and, quickly enough, the lizard fell asleep once TJ joined him and continued stroking his spines and telling the young lizard that it would be all okay.

 

When he fell asleep, TJ sighed and let out a few tears of his own, but he managed to prevent himself from actually blubbering like he would usually do. He couldn’t tell if it was because he had gotten stronger with the years, if he got dulled to the pain or if it was because he wanted to be strong now that Flynn felt vulnerable. Maybe it was all three.

 

With that resolve, the lynx grabbed his phone and checked the messages: Jenna had been home for about seven minutes, but he was thankful she did not comment on Flynn’s weeping. The lynx himself had two messages to send:

 

The first would be easy - he texted Luiz and explained what happened. He briefly feared that Flynn wouldn’t like it, but decided that he would take the risk. Then came the reply:

 

_From: Luiz_

_Well, puta merda. I just wonder what the otter told him._

 

_To: Luiz_

_I don’t know. I think it’s just a lot of grief that he had bottled up during the years._

 

_From: Luiz_

_Tell him that I’ll cover his shift if he feels like being home tomorrow. But that’s about it. I had plans. I wish I could have a little chat with that otter… XP_

 

That alarmed TJ. The young male knew he could be innocent on a lot of things, but the lynx did connect the dots with a few stories here and there that Flynn told about Luiz.

 

_To: Luiz_

_Please, don’t. It’s not worth it. I think even Flynn would agree with it._

 

_From: Luiz_

_I was just curious, don’t be so defensive. I’ve done a lot of shit in the past, I know. I just wanna know what he told Flynn without triggering the lil’ lagarto by asking him. D:_

 

_To: Luiz_

_Sorry, I just… want us all to put this behind ourselves. Even Chase said that._

 

_From: Luiz_

_Agreed, that’s for the best. I hope you two feel better soon. As much as it pains me to say it, you kids grew on me. Good night._

 

_To: Luiz_

_Good night. God bless!_

 

_From: Luiz_

_Amen. God bless you too, kid._

 

Well, now TJ knew who taught Flynn to be diplomatic with religious folks.

 

TJ’s second message was to his own supervisor. He said he wasn’t feeling well and asked if he could have tomorrow off. He even bargained that he wouldn’t ask for the day’s pay or would cover the next shift of whoever took the day off.

 

Much to his surprise… his supervisor agreed.

 

The lynx sighed in relief and plugged his phone back on its charger, then laid back down. Flynn was still fast asleep. If his supervisor didn’t let him, TJ had even been considering to ask Richard to interfere on his behalf. Usually, he didn’t like to do that kind of thing, but…

 

If it were for the man sleeping by his left, the same man that almost died thanks to the lynx’s own secret, then he would do it.

 

With that, TJ turned off their alarm and leaned closer to Flynn, wrapping one arm around the larger male’s sleeping form and closing his eyes.

  
  


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Chase sighed in his dark hospital room. He couldn’t sleep. The mustelid replayed the events of that day in his head.

 

Despite everything, it all went better than he had expected. Chase decided to not try to talk about how… weird the past fifteen or so years were. Especially with Leo. It would be better to pretend that he was always in control back then instead of trying to fight against them. In the end, they all more or less accepted it.

 

Still, the otter was glad to see his former friends would be okay and move on. Well, as okay as they could be, given the circumstances. It made him feel a little relieved.

 

Relieved enough to try and figure what he would do with his life.

 

Of course, they had told him someone from the local Mental Institute would come to see him sooner or later. Chase was still a little scared about the possibility of being institutionalized.

 

It was still around eight, judging by his phone. Too early for him to sleep.

 

And, even if it was late, Chase doubted he would be able to sleep anytime soon.

 

Besides, in a weird way, the young otter felt glad to be by himself for once. Same way that, after so long, he felt finally awake.

  
  


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She usually wouldn’t be doing anything that wasn’t personal in the middle of the night. But this kind of job was personal to her.

 

After the woman left her VW Bug and made sure it was locked, she quickly entered the Parkview Medical Center building, her white coat swaying behind her like a pair of wings once the chilly late-winter winds blew.

 

It did not take much to get to where she wanted: She technically was there on official business. Once the night nurse escorted her to the right room and opened the door, she got greeted by the mixed scent all hospitals had and otter musk. The woman did all she could to contain her enthusiasm.

 

The otter looked up to her, puzzled, once she simply walked in as if she owned the room and took her seat on the nearby chair. The nurse left them.

 

“My name is Dr. Carla Sanderson. And I decided to take your case, Mr. Hunter.”

 

Despite her years of practiced self-control, being near someone who seemed to have shared a paranormal experience with her other two patients was enough to make the owl’s eyes show the hint of a predatory smile.


	38. Time Heals All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flynn and TJ reflect about their relationship after their talk with Chase (and have an awkward talk with their guest). Meanwhile, Carl starts feeling better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short, breather chapter. We had three drama-heavy ones back-to-back. While this one has a few sad bits and touches on other, heavier subjects, it is mostly about the two main characters of this fic (and Carl) handling the fallout of their talk with Chase.
> 
> Once again, thanks to my boyfriend for proofreading this in record time. I hope you guys enjoy. :3

**Time Heals All**

 

Flynn woke up and, on seeing the sun shining through the blinds of the window, briefly panicked through his daze and scrambled to look at the alarm clock.

 

It was ten forty-one in the morning. Shit. He missed his job.

 

The gila also worried about TJ, since the lynx was also sleeping by his side. The lizard licked his lips and reached his hand to gently shake his boyfriend’s shoulder. TJ stirred and opened his eyes slowly.

 

“Teej, I think we’re in trouble,” he stated in a hushed whisper. TJ briefly blinked and frowned, trying to understand what Flynn meant to say. Meanwhile, Flynn wondered whether electricity went down during the night or something like that.

 

“Hm? Oh, no, no,” TJ took a deep breath and stretched, sitting up as Flynn slid off the bed and grabbed and unlocked his phone. “I told your boss what happened. He gave you the day off. I also requested a sick day from my supervisor and he allowed it.”

 

Flynn turned to face the young lynx and noticed a hint of worry on his face. TJ wiped some sleep off of the corner of his right eye, the other still firmly locking its gaze on the gila, the lynx’s ears slightly lowered.

 

It was when Flynn realized that TJ seemed worried that he did something wrong in telling Luiz about the talk in the hospital.

 

To be honest, Flynn did not like it. But he decided to give it some thought - the silence likely making TJ grow more anxious - and he finally concluded he’d have done the same, were their roles reversed.

 

“Nah, it’s fine.” The gila said and sat back down. TJ’s ears immediately perked up a little and the lynx smiled, briefly hugging the gila.

 

“Did you sleep well?” TJ said.

 

“No… but coulda been worse. I could’ve been alone.” Flynn flashed a sad smile to TJ and wrapped one of his arms around his lover. “Thanks. For puttin’ up with my shit.”

 

TJ finished rubbing sleep from his other eye and looked up at Flynn. “You’re welcome. I know how it is when you need to let it all out and… you’re alone.”

 

Now Flynn didn’t resist the urge to hug TJ tighter. Sometimes, he still thought how much of a retard he had been to mistreat the young feline so much.

 

If only he knew then what he knew now… but he supposed that was a regret most people had.

 

“So,” Flynn started, “should we go get some late breakfast or do ya wanna wait ‘till lunch? Either way is fine by me.”

 

TJ shrugged and took a deep breath through his nostrils. He then raked his claws through his fur, seemingly satisfied that he wasn’t shedding his winter coat yet once he looked at his claws and didn’t see more than a couple strands of fur in them. “Let’s see what Leo feels like doing. I can wait until lunch time, to be honest.”

 

Flynn nodded. “Fine. You go on and take a shower,” he got up again and started gathering their clothes from the floor. “Can ya throw these in the laundry basket too? Just lemme take my badge off my shirt…”

 

“Can do,” TJ smiled and went to his wardrobe, picking up his usual pants-and-shirt combo. Flynn would make a comment about the lynx’s limited wardrobe choice, but the gila was guilty of the same.

 

At least he didn’t wear his work uniform in his free time like he did in Echo. But he seemingly went back to his pseudo-greaser look he had in high school. It was a style of clothing that the gila felt comfortable with and was suitable for almost every situation.

 

Then again, so was TJ’s outfit he would expect any young church boy to wear.

 

When he was done picking their dirty laundry (and Flynn removing his badge and name tag from his shirt), he found TJ wearing his previous evening’s pants and standing in front of him with a hint of a smile. The gila briefly wondered what it was, before realization dawned into him and he leaned down to plant a kiss on the lynx’s lips. Toby chuckled and returned it.

 

When they broke their kiss, TJ left for the bathroom with the dirty clothes. Flynn now was alone in TJ’s bedroom. The gila went to the small space in the wardrobe that the lynx left for him and picked just a pair of long shorts (a gift from Carl) and a t-shirt. It would be what he would wear for that day.

 

After slipping his clothes on, the gila went back to the alarm clock and set it back on, before making their bed. His thoughts went back to the previous day.

 

Try as he might, he really didn’t hate Chase. There was something off about how the otter had been that he couldn’t quite put a finger on. He knew his auntie had a good guess about it, but if he had to be honest, he just wanted to put all of that shit behind him.

 

He recalled his boss telling him once about how he couldn’t forget all that shit in the past, but should learn to live with it. As harsh as it was, it was true and the gila resolved to follow the tegu’s advice. If anything, he had been doing that since their visit to the Sweatshop.

 

And, so far, he couldn’t complain about his life. Even with all the unexpected turns it took.

 

If anything, said unexpected turns were the highlight of it in the last two years.

 

Flynn picked up his phone and sat down on TJ’s computer chair. There were a few messages for him to read. A couple from Luiz, one from Richard, one from Eleanor.

 

Luiz just hoped he would be feeling better soon and asking if he could do anything to help, but reminded him that he will have to compensate for the extra free day he’s had. The other message had been from that very morning, also asking how he felt and, once again, asking if he could do anything to help. The tegu was fucking paranoid about Flynn’s well-being sometimes and it was something rather new to the gila.

 

Flynn shrugged and replied thanking his boss for the concern (or rather, sarcastically so), and saying he would be fine with whatever. He knew Luiz wouldn’t be harsh or fair in picking what he’d do to make up for the unexpected day off.

 

Richard’s message took a similar tone, only the goat gave more emphasis to the compensation part. Usually, the gila would be pissed, but he knew by now that the goat seemed to drown his worries away with even more work. It was like the caprine didn’t understand how other people reacted to things.

 

Smirking, Flynn thought about how that fit both him and Jenna pretty well. He told Richard that he was feeling a little better and he wouldn’t make a habit of skipping work. The goat immediately texted back apologizing if he sounded ‘a little harsh.’ Flynn’s smile broadened - chances were the tegu had been hovering over his husband’s shoulder and thought that Rich had been too cold towards Flynn.

 

The last one was an update from Eleanor. Since she and Carl had gone to her brother’s fancy home in Beverly Hills, the female goat took it upon herself to update them every day. A photo was attached, showing Carl sketching something on a notepad while watching (or rather, listening) to the TV. Some stupid superhero cartoon was on - the gila couldn’t name it, despite the fact that Carl talked his fucking mind off about it before. Try as he might, Flynn couldn’t understand a thing about it.

 

He decided to simply thank her and tell her to say ‘hi’ to Carl. He barely lowered his phone when it buzzed with a reply from Carl himself, saying just ‘hello!’

 

Flynn chuckled. He exchanged a few texts with Carl, mostly making small talk to avoid touching the recent events. Eventually, they ran out of what to talk and Flynn just decided to joke about the goat-sheep hybrid again.

 

That did something, since Carl then just answered that he might text later, because he ‘just remembered he had something to do.’

 

 _‘Yeah, milk the situation for all it’s worth, fatass,’_ Flynn thought to himself with some amusement. He was glad his friend found someone who seemed to really like both his appearance and personality. 

 

Only Flynn knew how the ram saw himself in such a shitty light.

 

While he didn’t talk much with Eleanor, what he could gather from their brief interactions and his own bosses’ stories, she was as much of a immature dork as Carl was. But while the ram was shy and somewhat restrained, Eleanor was spontaneous and expansive. They could balance each other out.

 

Kinda like him and Toby.

 

With a final deep breath, Flynn got up and went on to the living room. Jenna was obviously already at work, but the gila was curious about how Leo seemed to be doing.

 

That and he needed to get a glass of water to take his medication. He felt like shit without it.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


TJ stood naked in front of the laundry machine. It did not bother him, considering the bathroom door was closed and, even if he had not locked it, he doubted Leo would walk in on him.

 

The lynx was going through his and Flynn’s pockets to see if they hadn’t forgotten anything inside. Once, he had found fifty bucks in the back pocket of one of his pants. That was a good week.

 

Eventually, he started checking into his work uniform pants and felt something inside one of the side pockets. It was an elastic band with something metallic linked to it. Immediately, TJ remembered of pocketing the anchor bracelet that Leo had discarded the previous day.

 

He pulled it out and eyed it for a brief period. If TJ had to be honest, he had no idea what he would do with that. Maybe offer to Leo - in case the wolf had accidentally dropped it or regretted leaving it. Or maybe give it to Jenna, see if Chase would want it.

 

Tobias felt stupid now, knowing that Chase wouldn’t want that. With a shrug, he placed the bracelet over the sink and finished his search through their laundry’s pockets, before stuffing the dirty clothes into the machine, pouring the usual measuring cup of soap, and turning it on. TJ decided to take a shower and think about what to do with the little trinket later.

 

As the lukewarm water washed down his fur, TJ realized that he wasn’t really as concerned about the little anchor bracelet as he thought he would be. Or about his own interactions with Chase. His main concern was about how Flynn had been holding up.

 

He had learned to read the gila’s subtle hints of expression by now. And he could tell Flynn had been mostly over it, but there was something keeping the gila preoccupied. Then again, he knew Flynn well enough to know he likely had been worried about Carl.

 

TJ worried a little bit about the ram himself. But he was glad that he could get out of town until he felt better. The lynx even felt a pang of envy at the fact the ram had been his own boss in the past few years.

 

It felt as if Carl had dodged the fallout of a nuke: He had seen it blowing up firsthand, but he evacuated before the dust settled.

 

The lynx gargled on some of the shower water and spat it out. It was something he had been doing as far as he could remember, and it was somewhat childish. He had once done that in front of Flynn and was a little embarrassed when he opened his eyes and found the gila chuckling. Still, his boyfriend promptly said it was ‘kinda cute.’ TJ preferred to believe him.

 

As the lynx continued with his shower, a small thought nagged him: What about Jenna at her job? Sure, she wouldn’t be treating Chase - it wouldn’t be ethical - but she would still see him fairly often.

 

While, back in 2016, TJ had been feeling awful, he could remember in hindsight just how Jenna reacted to the entire thing. She held herself together while they were still in Echo.

 

But only a few days after they returned to their normal lives, the fennec seemed utterly miserable. Chase had been her best friend and TJ suspected she had a crush on him. It was hard for the fennec to get closer to other people, given her bad history with her family (the people one was supposed to be closest with). TJ knew she saw him more as something that needed help, protecting or fixing (and, he had to be frank with himself, that was what he _was_ back then).

 

Of course, she got better very fast. Both for her and TJ’s own sake. But the lynx still worried about how his friend would fare with having to see Chase almost every day now.

 

After all, he didn’t know what went through with her and the otter in the hospital. In a way, despite being a little cruel, he hoped that their talk went somehow like his own: TJ realized - and so did Chase, it seemed - that they were never truly that close.

 

TJ hated when Chase (or anyone, for that matter) called him ‘Toby,’ except - as of late - when Flynn did it. Chase also had been rather… mean to him at times.

 

When they helped Janice, the lynx didn’t forget when the otter ditched him back when they were kids. Oh, he forgave him, but he did cry himself to sleep that day, decades ago.

 

If anything, the seven of them had just been hanging around because there was little to do in Echo and few other kids would hang around _them._

 

As he usually did when thinking in the shower, TJ allowed himself to relax and let these thoughts - and the emotions they brought with them - wash away alongside the dirty suds from his fur coat and go down the drain and be forgotten. All he could do would be to pray that both his friends and Chase managed to feel better soon and enjoy what he had with Flynn.

 

Thinking about the gila in the shower would usually bring rather dirty thoughts to the lynx’s mind, but he was still not in the mood, thanks to all the recent events. Besides, he had taken way too long in the shower already, so pawing off would add to the water bill.

 

Gargling one more time with the fluor-rich water and spitting it, TJ decided that he was pretty clean and turned the water off. He idly wondered if they had any cheese still, so he could ask Flynn to make that cheesy salad he had enjoyed for lunch.

 

When he opened the door, Flynn had been there, leaning against the wall and typing something on his phone. The gila had that smartphone for almost three years now and he was still painfully slow with it. They smiled at each other and TJ felt the tall lizard plant a kiss on his forehead and briefly stroke his soft fur, making the lynx giggle. Then the gila slipped inside the bathroom, closing the door with his tail.

 

TJ looked around and saw that Leo was awake, putting the futon back in its default position. He approached the wolf and could faintly smell alcohol and sweat wafting from him.

 

“Uh, good morning, Leo?”

 

“Hmm.” The wolf responded, briefly closing his eyes and taking a short breath and exhaling from his nostrils. He could just be feeling blue, but TJ knew that Leo likely had a hangover.

 

There was a brief awkward silence, before the futon had been finally folded into a couch and Leo had finished folding the blankets and placing them over one of the cheap metal chairs around the cheap square table between the kitchen and living room that they would have their meals on. Leo then sighed and sat down, looking dejected and distant.

 

Feeling his ears drooping, TJ felt bad for him, but did not know what to do. The lynx took a seat by Leo’s side.

 

“I… I’m sorry things didn’t work out,” Tobias finally said.

 

Leo looked at him briefly, there was a hint of disinterest in the wolf’s eyes. For a moment, TJ feared that Leo was angry - he certainly was upset. But then the wolf sighed and looked down.

 

“I… in a way, I knew it was over. I just hoped that, maybe…”

 

“I understand.”

 

“Yeah…” Leo leaned back against the futon and looked up, like TJ himself did a lot when trying to think without looking down at his own paws like a loser.

 

The lynx was almost done trying to break the ice with Leo, when the wolf unexpectedly looked at him and spoke:

 

“How are things with you and Flynn? I see you two have been together for… one year and half now?”

 

That did make the lynx stop to think. If they were going to count since their first date in late October, it was about one year and four or five months. But if he counted the day that he and Flynn were set up at the mall, it would indeed be one year and half.

 

The lynx never really thought about things like their anniversary. He was sure neither did Flynn. Besides, he didn’t know which day they could consider it: The day they ‘fessed up? The day of the date? The New Year disaster? The first time they made love?

 

 _‘Gosh, time sure passed me by,’_ TJ thought.

 

“We’re doing well. I mean, we did have a few disagreements, maybe even a fight or two, but we usually make up to each other pretty fast. I…” TJ rubbed at his right forearm, avoiding Leo’s gaze, “I decided to not keep secrets from him. And Flynn prefers to tell me when and why something upsets him, instead of, well, acting the way he used to be. I think that it helps that, uhm, we have a history together - for good and bad.”

 

“I see.” Leo nodded and seemed to be lost in thought himself. “I wish I… I wish I’d been more patient. And less controlling… I dunno. I mean, I know where I fucked up sometimes, but during others… it’s still a mystery.”

 

“I’m sorry. I can’t really help you there, Leo…” TJ felt bad, but it was the truth: Neither he or Flynn were controlling or demanding of one other. And the only time Jenna proposed him to prank Flynn, TJ had answered with a categorical ‘no.’

 

Despite being a little afraid it would have upset Jenna at the time, the fennec seemed to enjoy TJ’s newfound resolve to refuse going with the flow. It felt liberating to fight against the tides and take the helm of his own life. Being responsible for himself was also a little scary - but that was okay. Tobias felt like it was all worth it.

 

TJ’s ears twitched when he heard the bathroom door being swung open. In walked Flynn with his usual casual outfit and he sat between TJ and Leo on the futon.

 

“I was talking with TJ about you two,” Leo stated. Flynn raised one ridge and nodded.

 

“Yeah? Watcha wanna know?”

 

Leo seemed a little sheepish for a moment, one of his ears drooping more than the other. “I just… am curious about, well… _¿como paso?”_

 

TJ looked at Flynn and saw that the gila met his glance with arched eyebrows. Leo raised his paws in an apologetic manner.

 

“I mean, it’s good, I’m just… I mean… _¡ah, puchica!_ I just wanna know how come Chase and I couldn’t solve our problems and you two could. I mean, I’m glad for you two, but…” He trailed off.

 

Both TJ and Flynn were now silent, the lynx being a bit concerned both at Leo’s self-pity and the way Flynn had been frowning at the wolf.

 

“Uhm, if it helps, I think it was because… because people change, I guess…” TJ had no idea what he was saying - all he wanted was to try and change the subject.

 

“That shit wasn’t gonna work, really,” Flynn simply stated. Now both TJ and Leo looked at him in surprise.

 

“It was a teenage ‘love,’ and that’s pretty much it. And I won’t lie, ya were a bit of a prick, Leo. Ya liked to fuck with others, but didn’t like when anyone messed with ya. Chase noticed that. Then, you also hated change and, to be fair, so did I. But that kept ya still anchored onto somethin’ that never truly existed. I admit, I did that kind of shit before, ya know it. But you also did waste a few chances at somethin’ more just ‘cause ya wouldn’t forget that muskshit.”

 

Flynn and Leo exchanged a glare that TJ couldn’t quite place. Flynn seemed genuinely angry and hurt, while Leo looked ashamed and surprised. Both older males then looked away.

 

“Ya need to work for a relationship to happen, Leo. Not manipulate your partner into doin’ what ya want. It’s a compromise - and you always sucked at these. Ya might look at it with rose-tinted glasses, but you were always a fuckin’ taker. _And we both know it.”_

 

The lizard took a deep breath through his nose an exhaled in a huff. Something told TJ that this had been something he wanted to tell Leo for a long time.

 

“I… _Lo siento, Flynn… lo siento mucho…”_  

 

“Uhm, _ahem_ ,” TJ cleared his throat and both larger males turned to face him. He searched in his pockets and produced Leo’s bracelet.

 

“I thought you dropped it… so I picked it up. I’m sorry if it was supposed to be left behind…”

 

Leo’s eyes widened a little upon seeing the anchor, then he looked even sadder than before.

 

“I… keep it. Throw it out. I don’t care…” He leaned back against the backrest of the futon and sighed, closing his eyes. _“Ya no me importa…”_

 

“A-alright…” TJ lowered his paw and pocketed the anchor. Or rather, he thought he did, but the small tin anchor hung outside his pocket and, when the lynx reached for the TV remote, it fell off his pocket and lodged itself in between the futon armrest and seat, to be forgotten by all three people in the room.

 

“Tomorrow I’m leavin’ back for Echo,” Leo announced after they spent what felt like hours in silence, half-watching TV. Flynn had his tail wrapped around TJ and the lynx had been leaning against the lizard. The two lovers turned to face the wolf.

 

“Tomorrow morning? Please, don’t drive non-stop, alright?” TJ said.

 

“Yeah. And _no se preocupe._ I don’t plan to kill myself on the way back. I think… I think I’ll just need to think about some stuff for a while. And I’ll need to be alone for that.”

 

Leo was quiet for a moment. He then looked back up at Flynn and TJ. “Thanks, for stickin’ by me.”

 

“Ya might be a fuckin’ cunt, but we’re still your friends, Leo.” Flynn stated.

 

While TJ didn’t like the kind of language Flynn used, the lynx had to hold back a chuckle - it was an appropriate definition. In various degrees, it fit both of them.

 

“Heh, alright…” Leo nodded and turned back to watch the television.

 

TJ thought about Leo and, honestly, hoped life would give the wolf a break like it had done with Flynn and him.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Night fell over the luxurious residence Carl had lived in for the past few days. It wasn’t as big as his parents’ mansion, but the ram knew it likely cost much more. For starters - while the house wasn’t big, the property was. The ram opened his eyes and looked around - he and Eleanor had pretty much traded day for night.

 

The house felt like it was its own world. To the point the place was surrounded by its own woods, contained within the tall, thick fences. The ram noticed the place had its own small army of security guards and cameras and, combining with the underground bomb shelter, armoured SUV in the garage and secret escape route that Eleanor so enthusiastically had shown to him on their third day (when the ram felt like doing more than lie in bed, smoke weed and stuff his face), Carl felt as if he were living in a mini-fortress.

 

As a kid, he would have had a great time in the woods around the place, playing with his friends...

 

By the end of the third day, Carl felt a little better. He still couldn’t really push away the thought of Chase there, hanging, his fingers and toes broken from the struggle, foaming and gurgling from his mouth. Even now, Carl still struggled with that.

 

Flynn contacted him Sunday to let him know that Chase wanted to talk to him. But Carl simply told him that he had nothing to say. They understood.

 

And the ram had not lied: He didn’t have anything to say. He wouldn’t let Chase - or anyone - die in front of him if he could help it. But that was about it. Carl tried, he tried _real hard,_ but he couldn’t bring himself to forgive or even feel comfortable in the presence of his former friend.

 

Carl had spent the past couple of days chilling with Eleanor as they talked about their respective childhoods and families. Or rather, Eleanor did most of the talking: The goat doe sure liked chatting.

 

He had learned all Maitland brothers had chipped in to buy that place. Even Luiz contributed a little. The house was in the company’s name, so neither could claim sole ownership and it was used both as a rest stop and when one of them needed to get away from the world for a little while - hence the woods that were planted around the property.

 

Carl didn’t really like the style of the house itself, but he had been used to it from the few times his parents took him to meet other wealthy friends: It was the usual ‘modern’ square, rectangular, cubical buildings of mostly smooth concrete, aluminium and glass that were easy to make and sold for at least five times their value. The kind every architect could shit out and pretend it was a unique masterpiece.

 

The ram still liked the facilities. At the moment, Carl did consider the possibility that, if he could bring himself to feel horny anytime soon, remind Eleanor of her invitation to check the jacuzzi.

 

Oh, they had sex a couple of times already, but Carl had been so high that he couldn’t claim to have enjoyed it. Mostly because he was also drunk and would usually pass out from his bender while the goat would be _still_ enthusiastically riding him.

 

Heh, that was something he could brag about: A sleeping Carl had more sex appeal than most awake guys.

 

Now the ram looked to his left. Tangled in the mess of bedding, gripping her pillow, lay Eleanor. The goat snored rather loudly and her entire pose was unlady-like. But the ram had to admit it was part of her appeal - the whole ‘lad-ette’ thing she had going on.

 

She also seemed to really enjoy gaming (though Eleanor was much more retro-oriented than Carl was - he wasn’t complaining), was into superhero and action movies (sometimes literally, as she had worked in them), and - while it wasn’t often - she would sometimes smoke a blunt with him (Eleanor claimed ‘uncle Luiz’ was the one who taught her to roll a joint that well). Usually, though, the goat preferred cigars.

 

Carl smiled as he trailed his gaze up and down the goat’s sleeping form. Eleanor had a muscular, yet unmistakably feminine body. Her ass was cute and she had bigger breasts than Jenna (then again, Carl thought with a chuckle, so did he). Her long ibex horns were now matching in size - likely, she had taken his suggestion that she would look better with them matching to the heart and had the larger one cut and both tips sanded into a more natural shape.

 

He didn’t mind the - arguably - horrible scar that went from the right eyebrow, across her right eye, all the way through the right side of her muzzle. It gave her a lot of character, in his opinion. He felt like she were a comic character with that look combined with her - to utilize a word he had read somewhere before - Amazonian build.

 

Never in a million, billion years, Carl would have imagined a woman would have wanted to keep in touch and fly in from another country when he needed. Or sleep by his side more than once. But there she was... wearing his shirt. And only his shirt.

 

Carl picked up his phone and briefly skimmed through his vtube inbox. He had posted a short, low-quality video talking about how some shit happened that required him to be away for a while - he was in the plane on the way to Los Angeles when he shot the video - to then go to the property they were in now.

 

At first, some fans speculated he just wanted to be away with Eleanor for a bit (since they had caught a bit of her as he recorded with his phone), but soon enough, people somehow found out about what happened.

 

The bulk of the messages with people showing some sympathy was already over, since there wasn’t much to say and all Carl had decided to do was thank them and say that they should understand if he were rather avoid the subject. He was glad to see most of his fanbase could understand.

 

He then exchanged a few texts with Flynn. Mostly, the gila not-so-discreetly trying to gauge how the ram felt and talking about the awkward conversation he and TJ had with Leo. Despite the shit Leo put Flynn through sometimes, and the fact the wolf stopped hanging out with them, Carl still had no bad blood with the wolf.

 

And, from what he could see of Flynn’s Muzzlebook activity with Leo, it appeared that the beef between the two had fizzled out since January.

 

Flynn kept joking about his thing with Eleanor, but it was more lighthearted than the other times they messed with each other. Carl would say he was jealous, but that wouldn’t work, considering Flynn didn’t show interest in girls - though he did acknowledge when one was or wasn’t hot. Same way the ram had once, during their hangouts at Luiz and Richard’s place, had overheard the goat buck commenting that Jenna was a beautiful woman. And Carl didn’t need to ask Eleanor to tell the last pair of tits Richard touched, were those from the goats’ mother when he was still nursing.

 

Eventually, Flynn announced they were going to bed. It was now Carl’s time to tease, telling him to make sure he and TJ wouldn’t keep poor Jenna awake. Flynn answered with a simple ‘Fuck you, fatass. Seeya tomorrow.’ before they wished each other goodnight.

 

Carl sat up on the bed and idly scratched his shaggy beard, wondering what he and Eleanor could do. They could game a little bit. Or watch that series about vikings that they had started yesterday morning.

 

The thought of getting wasted and fucking did cross Carl’s mind, but the ram decided to do something more productive with his time. Carl slid off of the bed and started making his way to the bathroom, to quickly freshen up.

 

He decided that he would spend the first few hours of the night drawing. Maybe he could do something to tease Flynn and TJ - like drawing the lynx dressed as a pimp and the gila in a dress. The thought made him laugh. But then… he didn’t know.

 

“Hnn…” Eleanor stirred and sat up. Her sleepy and unfocused gaze locked straight at Carl - the bathroom’s lights went right on her face. “Good… evening, I guess? How are ya feelin’?” She rubbed her eyes, making her look kinda cute to the ram.

 

Once upon a time, Carl felt like dead weight to Flynn - someone who was useless and just held people back. As cruel as the thought was, he had started seeing Chase that way in the past few months.

 

Even after the otter nearly killed himself, he still saw his former friend as the one true parasite of the group. It made him feel a little guilty to be condemning someone for something he hated to feel.

 

But these thoughts were pushed aside when the goat, some six or so years his senior, smiled at him. He wasn’t a dead weight - he just hadn’t found what he liked doing then. Now he was an artist, a vtuber, and - hopefully - a boyfriend. Eleanor had no need to drop everything to go see him just because they kept in touch after a quick romp. Her brother didn’t need to lend them this nice, secluded place so he could feel better.

 

Flynn didn’t need to stick his neck out for him time and time again.

 

But there it was. He made further than he ever imagined he would in his life. And, despite what had happened with Chase, the ram felt nothing but pure joy and satisfaction wash over him.

 

He felt at peace, for once. And without the aid of his favourite weed.

 

Carl realized he hadn’t answered Eleanor’s question. The ram walked over and planted a firm kiss on her lips. He decided to see what would happen if he could step a bit further out of his comfort zone - just so he could enjoy that new feeling.

 

“I’m feeling great. Let’s go out, I wanna see what this town’s nightlife is like.”


	39. Somewhere Over The Rainbow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flynn and TJ go back to their normal lives while reflecting on their recovery from the latest incident and the paths their lives will be taking. Meanwhile, Jenna pesters her boss and friend for an update on Chase's situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chill chapter. Thanks to my boyfriend for proofreading it for me ^^
> 
> Delphy brought to my attention that they updated the clinical name of the disorder commonly referred to as "split-personality," so I changed accordingly :3

**Somewhere Over The Rainbow**

 

“It won’t happen again, Flynn,” the young seal wearing the Guardian Angels Security uniform said in a begrudging tone.

 

 _“Mister_ Moore, Dalton” Flynn corrected, his arms crossed.

 

“Dang, you’re right - won’t happen again, Mr. Moore,” the seal corrected and was authorized by Luiz to walk off with a dismissive gesture from the tegu’s hand.

 

“I can’t believe this fuckin’ asswipe. What’s his story again, Luiz?” Flynn asked his boss.

 

Luiz nonchalantly shrugged. “I think he’s one of those guys who couldn’t pass the police academy and was too much of a pussy to join the military.” They watched the seal walk away with his arms somewhat far from his body, as if he were some hulking figure despite being short and lean.

 

“Look at that, three tasers and five batons” Luiz chuckled and shook his head, “guy thinks he’s goddamn Robot Cop.”

 

Flynn scoffed. “Heh. I wouldn’t give him a mop job.”

 

“Ey, don’t discriminate against janitors, kid.” Both reptiles walked off towards the parking lot. Flynn knew it meant Luiz planned to have a smoke.

 

Even after all this time without it, the gila still craved a toothpick to chew or a cigarette. Or even a beer. But he decided to quit on the first two and tone down on booze and would stick by his decision.

 

Besides, he didn’t want TJ to see him truly hammered and he’d rather be fucked with a barbed wire dildo than drink on the job like his boss used to do. Unlike Luiz, Flynn didn’t happen to be married to the boss.

 

That and the tegu had quit drinking on the job for more than a year now, so he knew that it wasn’t a good thing to do either.

 

“Sometimes, janitors are the only folks that can man the boilers and other shit in the basement. That qualifies them to get paid more than most other folks in ties that look down on them.” Luiz walked out of the mall and - as Flynn predicted - got his pack of cigarettes and an old-style lighter (with a hammer-and-sickle motif) out of his pocket. The tegu picked one of his white-filtered smokes and lit it up between his lips on the second attempt.

 

If Flynn had to be honest, he didn’t need to follow the tegu everywhere, but Angelo had the day off and Richard was in his office (which meant he wouldn’t have an excuse to be there).

 

That and he didn’t bullshit himself: He enjoyed Luiz’s company. The gila felt wary at how the tegu had been acting that day, though: As if he had been waiting for an opportunity to ask about what went down in the hospital and what had happened since Chase’s hanging.

 

 _‘Even after all this time, that fucking smelly otter keeps makin’ my life a livin’ hell,’_ Flynn thought. The gila made his way to a vending machine and bought a small bottle of water for himself. He suddenly felt thirsty.

 

Sure, TJ had told the lizard that his boss had been updated on the reasons as to why the lynx requested a day off for him. But Flynn still felt that the tegu wanted to hear the gila’s own view of what happened.

 

Even with his aviators blocking the gila’s view of Luiz’s eyes, Flynn knew that Luiz had been looking straight at him, as if expecting him to say something.

 

“So… how are ya holdin’ up? With exception of Will bein’ a cop-wannabe, that is.” The tegu finally said, some of the cigarette smoke coming out from both his mouth and nostrils as he spoke.

 

Flynn shrugged. “A little better.”

 

The tegu nodded. “Takin’ your meds?”

 

“Yes, mom,” the gila sighed. Luiz let out a chortle.

 

“I ask ‘cause sometimes we forget. ‘Specially during shitty experiences.”

 

“Yeah, I know. Look, Luiz, I appreciate your concern, but could we drop the fuckin’ subject?”

 

“Shit, sorry. And fine by me.”

 

Flynn looked at his boss, then felt a hint of guilt. “No need to apologize. It’s just… well, ya told me already: this is the kind of shit we won’t be forgettin’ anytime soon. So might as well learn to live with it.”

 

Luiz grinned at that. “Yeah, you have a point. ‘Sides, talkin’ about it won’t do any better. On another subject, did your _lince_ ask about why I mentioned the cuffs yet?”

 

That did surprise Flynn a little bit. It wasn’t that he found it a big deal to talk about fucking, especially with people he was friends with. It was how the tegu brought the subject up so fast after they decided to change it - it showed that his boss likely had it on his mind for at least the past few hours.

 

And it also showed Luiz was tactful enough to present him an opportunity to not talk about Chase.

 

“Heh, yeah, he did. He’s just asked why and how people used them when I was drivin’ him home last week. So I explained on the way.”

 

“Hehehe, I’m tryin’ to picture how embarrassed he was as ya did the whole talkin.’”

 

Flynn felt himself getting less tense. Come to think of it, maybe Jenna had been right back then - sometimes, it was best to avoid heavy subjects. He licked his lips at that realization: Was he a bigger cunt than he thought he had been?

 

At least, in hindsight, he had changed his behavior with the years. Thinking about it made Flynn feel the corners of his lips tug into a slight smile as, for once, he felt really proud of himself.

 

“Yeah, he was a bit. But he was smilin’ - know, like how kids do during the whole sex-ed bullshit whenever they _actually_ talk about fuckin’?”

 

This time it was Luiz who shrugged. “I dunno, we didn’t really have sex ed in Brazil during the early eighties. But I think I understand.”

 

“Well, if you want me to be honest with ya, our sex-ed pretty much limited itself to ‘don’t fuck before marriage, don’t fuck people of the same sex,’ and all this shit.”

 

“Lemme guess, Arizona was even more conservative in the late nineties?”

 

“That was in the early two-thousands,” Flynn corrected.

 

“Damn. So how did ya learn?”

 

“Internet. And my own imagination. I mean, we pretty much can guess what goes where, I ‘spose.”

 

“Cool. I kinda did the same. Experimented since I was… eleven, I guess? Kids in my country, ‘specially these in shitty neighborhoods, tend to have a fuck-ton of free time in their hands. And lot of empty places to disappear to after school. Does help it was usually common to let us roam around more or less freely before dark back then. It wasn’t a good thing, tho.”

 

“Yeah, kinda the same in Echo, really.” Flynn looked away and sipped his water as he thought about his own childhood. Once more, he felt himself missing the time when they all got more or less along. A time when Sydney was alive and when Chase was his friend.

 

“Eh… good times that ain’t ever comin’ back, amirite?” Luiz’s voice brought Flynn back from his reverie.

 

“Yeah…”

 

“But look at it this way: We still have a ton of time to enjoy the present. And make the best future we can. Know, I sometimes miss these moments - but it’s when I see the past with a nostalgia filter. Once I remove the rose-tinted glasses, I see my childhood sucked. My best moments were spent after I met Richard. Even with all the shit that happened - some of which I admit was my fault.” 

 

That made Flynn think back about their childhood again.

 

He didn’t like his parents. His auntie and uncle were alright for most of the time. He had always been kind of an asshole and - to be fair - so was Chase, Leo, and Jenna at times. Flynn was that friend people didn’t really like, but didn’t hate either.

 

And, when he thought about it, all their early lives sucked. Except, maybe, Carl’s and Toby’s. Even then, they went through and witnessed some shit that completely fucked their innocence up.

 

It was a weird, and even painful feeling, but now that Flynn thought about his past, he realized: Despite losing his only true childhood friend, squandering his future, and getting pretty fucking low, the past two or three years - up to the present - had been the best moment of his life.

 

Meanwhile, his boss continued talking: “And, for makin’ my life better, I’m determined to make Richard’s life the best I can.”

 

“Hmm,” the gila didn’t have much to say at first, with his own thoughts now focusing on himself and Toby. He never expected the little guy to be present when he had been at his most vulnerable. Or to stay with him and reign in his own desire to cry to make him feel better.

 

Or, most of all, to actively make an effort to give both of them a mental health day.

 

Yeah, the present days - even with all the shit that went down in the past weeks - were the best fucking time of his life.

 

“I wanna do the same for Toby.” Flynn finally said in a low voice. 

 

“I’m glad. You both deserve it.” Luiz flicked the cigarette butt he had been holding off into the dark parking lot pavement. “Let’s get back in and see if Wannabe-Will is givin’ Rich a headache.”

 

“Wannabe-Will, huh?” Flynn chuckled and finished his water. “That’s sure gonna get Dalton to lose his shit.”

 

“I hope so,” the tegu pocketed his lighter, “‘cause if he doesn’t shape up, I’m gonna fire his ass. So might as well dodge the whole unfair practices and shit”

 

“Fuckin’ finally.” Flynn stated as they walked inside the mall again, the gila dropping the empty water bottle on the trash now.

 

Flynn acknowledged he might be a little biased against aquatic people. But Will did often overstep his boundaries and it would make other guards - and the company - look bad. And it had been a while since the gila was put in charge of anything that required real responsibility.

 

After his own lackluster performance at an overpaid cushy job in Echo, Flynn was determined to prove to his boss (and, in a way, mentor) that he could get the job done. If the gossip going around the G.A.S. headquarters while Luiz was away was true; Angelo would soon be promoted and manage the security guards at Pueblo Airport. Flynn had been eyeing the elephant’s position.

 

While he was sure Luiz would just put him there if he asked, Flynn still had the bitter aftertaste of self-contempt caused by the good old Moore nepotism. Hence his need to prove himself he’d earn that promotion. And, deep down, the gila realized his boss knew it.

 

Otherwise, why else would Luiz have started asking for his input instead of Angelo’s or Richard’s?

 

Earlier, on the week Chase had hanged himself, Flynn even had conducted a few interviews with some of the candidates while Luiz just stood by and watched. 

 

Flynn was already proud of his creative decision to hire a wheelchair-bound chameleon, named Laura Andrews, that applied for a job that week to work in the CCTV room. Her natural abilities proved decisive in stopping a drug deal taking place in the mall’s parking lot.

  
  


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“Ey, Hess, we’re gonna go grab a few beers. Do ya wanna come?” Asked one of the nurses, an opossum whom TJ only knew by the last name - Watson.

 

The lynx was finishing up to get his empty lunch container into his backpack and throwing a light coat on over his uniform. Besides them, there were other two staff members in the Break Room: A porcupine doctor whom TJ didn’t know the name and a cheetah nurse named Sheila, whom worked in the same department as the lynx himself and often helped his patients keep up with their physical therapy and rehabilitation work.

 

“No, thank you. I don’t drink.” TJ said, his right ear twitching. Watson knew it, but chances were he was just wanting to mess with the lynx. It was somewhat discrete and tame, but bothered him nonetheless.

 

“Aw, come on, don’t be a prude. Even Jesus turned water into wine.”

 

TJ sighed. “I’m not the Lord, so I live by His rules.”

 

Watson shrugged. “Relax, pal, don’t need to be so uptight.” Watson smirked. “Besides, if what ya said were true, would ya be datin’ a dude?”

 

By now, the lynx was losing his patience. He took a deep breath and sighed. “Can’t you leave me alone? I had a long day. I’m just waiting for my boyfriend to come pick me up. Please, leave me be.”

 

Now the nurse seemed to get the hint. He flashed a shit-eating grin to TJ and raised his paws in a defensive manner. “Alright, alright. Geez,” Watson turned to face Sheila, who was just filing her claws on the large, worn out brown fake leather staff couch. “You comin’?”

 

“You wish.” She chuckled and Watson grinned. TJ knew the opossum didn’t like rejection, but he had to take it in order to save face.

 

Toby liked his job. He liked helping people and his patients were mostly thankful and happy to be treated by him: They claimed he actually treated them like people - which he did. One of the things TJ never liked was how some professionals acted mechanically and without any respect.

 

He understood it was the kind of job that built up pressure, but it was not an excuse to be - frankly - a prick.

 

The lynx still could hear Watson talking with someone outside who would entertain him. The nurse seemed to like the sound of his own voice: He spoke loud like Luiz but, unlike the tegu, Watson talked in a tone that _really_ hinted he enjoyed to hear himself talk. It was filled with an arrogant sense of pride, as if everything he said was smart.

 

TJ didn’t really like loud and expansive personalities, but it was mostly due to that kind of people: He had nothing to hold against Flynn’s deep tenor-like voice or Luiz’s loud, sarcastic and boisterous, yet, lighthearted speech. That was just how they were.

 

If anything, as of late, Flynn’s smooth voice made him feel calmer. A far cry from the time he dreaded hearing the gila’s approach.

 

With a stretch and a yawn, TJ got up and walked to the vending machine right besides the grey armchair the sleeping porcupine doctor was on and he looked in his pockets for his wallet. While he would be having dinner in one hour, the lynx didn’t really have time to enjoy his lunch.

 

Mostly because they had an obnoxious conservative opossum making some impromptu speech that might have been directed at him. It was hard to enjoy his lunch with such an obnoxious person ranting about 'morals.'

 

It was annoying, but as long as he didn’t actually do anything, TJ decided to leave it be - not like he would put up with that man outside of his job. Despite his size, older coworkers (Sheila included) had told him that Watson was pretty much all bark and no bite.

 

He bought a small bag of peanuts and offered some to Sheila - she smiled and shook her head.

 

“Everything I eat goes straight to my belly. I’d like to remain lean and mean.” She winked. TJ chuckled - Sheila had been nothing but nice to him. He also did like her boyfriend Matt.

 

Even though he couldn’t really place it - but she reminded him of Heather.

 

They weren’t the same species, and TJ figured it was just the way she liked to… publicly demonstrate affection with her boyfriend. Even the mouse seemed a little put off by her at times. Still, she at least wasn’t pushy.

 

It was fascinating, TJ realized, how people tended to judge others by comparing them with similar folks they knew in the past.

 

“Well, I’m going outside,” TJ announced after he finished his tiny pack of peanuts and threw the crumpled wrapper on the trash. “Flynn’s coming soon.”

 

“Alright,” Sheila said, still looking at her claws. “You should get your car. What if his’ breaks down?”

 

“Then we’ll figure it out.” The lynx smiled. “See you tomorrow.”

 

“Seeya, Tobias,” the cheetah splayed her fingers out, claws visible, to check the results of her work.

 

TJ started making his way to the punch clock at the building’s reception. He always ended up punching out a little later than he was supposed to because, as it turned out, Parkview Medical Center always had patients and staff going to and fro, so the lynx would stop to help them on the way. Aid some elderly person to walk back to their bed, or help a few nurses carry heavy equipment - even though TJ was not particularly strong.

 

He didn’t mind. TJ genuinely enjoyed helping. It made him feel better, it made others feel better, and all it took was a few moments of his time.

 

If anyone asked him, he’d call that a bargain.

 

So, after giving only a few people some help here and there, dodging the guys being rolled in from the emergency ward, and waking through the cacophony of telephones ringing and chattering of both his colleagues and patients (despite the nearly omnipresent ‘SILENCE’ signs), TJ finally reached the punch clock and punched out. It was a mechanical action by now and his thoughts were mostly occupied by reminding himself to tell Flynn they would need to go to the grocery and get some oranges, eggs and a few spices that they were running out of.

 

Maybe a little bit of milk. TJ always liked drinking milk.

 

The lynx bid the chubby bunny behind the reception desk a good night and walked out to the cool air of Pueblo’s night. The parking lot was almost devoid of cars - only these of the night shift or late-night patients being brought in by their own families were there. Of course, there was the odd car here and there from the people who lived nearby and had an unspoken agreement with the director: They’d park there during the night and get their cars out at early dawn.

 

While this wasn’t where the lynx envisioned himself at his twenty-three years of age, TJ didn’t complain. Even with people like Watson and a few rude and even ungrateful patients, he considered his job fulfilling and took pride in what he did.

 

The lynx also made a mental note, upon spotting a parked van, that he should go back to helping in the soup kitchen. Pastor Charles had understood when he didn’t show up after the entire incident with Chase. He didn’t even go to church after that.

 

He needed to text Richard about that later.

 

Speaking of texting, Leo should text them later that day - if not after midnight. He left before the sun was up, but they had a brief agreement that the wolf would at least tell Flynn once he is home.

 

TJ wished him well, feeling heartbroken once he saw the broken man that the once proud wolf had become. However, Leo vowed to try and get better. The lynx decided that it was in both God’s and Leo’s own paws now.

 

Soon enough, Flynn’s banged truck pulled over and the passenger door flung itself open. TJ got in and planted a kiss on the gila’s lips.

 

“How was your day?” Flynn asked first as they drove off.

 

“It was okay. No big deal. I’ll just have to cover for Marcus tomorrow - as I agreed with my supervisor - so I can’t go do the groceries.”

 

“Lemme guess: Ya want to go now, then?”

 

“If it wouldn’t bother you,” TJ hoped it wouldn’t be inconvenient. Flynn just shrugged with one shoulder and shook his head.

 

“Nah. Not at all. Today, at work, I realized I hadn’t eaten gorgonzola salad in a while and my boss told me they sell it at Bullseye,” Flynn spoke.

 

TJ was fine with that. He didn’t like going to Well-Mart anyway.

 

During their drive, they talked a little more. TJ was glad to see Flynn appeared to be doing much better. By now, the gila had been on how about someone named William had been acting in a manner that could pass as impersonating a police officer at work, which irked everyone else.

 

Flynn couldn’t do much but disarm the situation, call Luiz, and call the guy out on it. He added his boss is likely going to fire him soon. Maybe push him to some competitor in order to make them look bad.

 

The lynx didn’t really like the sound of that, but it was Luiz’s company and, if Toby learned something in the past couple of years, the job market was a cutthroat environment and it applied to how businesses were ran as well.

 

Tobias almost told his boyfriend about Watson, but decided not to. It was just to make smalltalk, but the lynx realized it could backfire: If Flynn thought he had been putting the lynx in distress, he could end up telling Luiz or Richard and TJ knew things would escalate.

 

He didn’t want to end up guilty of harming someone else by proxy.

 

Eventually, they pulled into the parking lot of their local Bullseye supermarket. There weren’t that many people in there and they could take their time figuring which off-brand items sucked less so they could spare some cash.

 

And cash would be even tighter soon: Jenna was going to start another course on that year’s second semester and TJ himself considered learning the skills to be a nurse. Not that he wanted to, but the lynx figured it would beef up his resume and maybe get him a pretty good raise: His own supervisor was also a nurse and physiotherapist.

 

He looked to his left to find Flynn, his ridges furrowed, as the gila examined a thawing package of frozen broccoli. The freezers weren’t doing their job well, it seemed. The lizard discarded it and turned to TJ.

 

“We can get the veggies later. I got the oranges, the eggs and my salad. Didja get the spices?”

 

“Oh? Uh-huh.” The lynx smiled and dropped the packets he had been holding on the basket Flynn carried. Just how long he had been daydreaming while carrying a handful of spices?

 

Chase did come to his thoughts once in a while. But, generally, the lynx just wished he could recover and live his life. In a way… it felt like the Chase he had known and the Chase he spoke to in the hospital were two different people.

 

People grow apart, TJ supposed. His thoughts shifted to Julian. He also wondered what the deer was up to.

 

“Let’s go, Teej,” Flynn’s voice brought him back to reality once more and TJ followed him towards the front of the store, so they could pay for their groceries.

 

TJ didn’t think about Chase anymore that night.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


“So, how’s he?”

 

“Hmm?” Carla shifted her gaze from the profile she had been reading to Jenna. They were the only two in the office and two of the few day shift staff that were working that late - it was another sixteen hour shift.

 

“Chase. It’s been two days since you took his case. Do you think there’s still risk of… you know…”

 

Jenna saw her boss putting down the files she had been holding and sighing softly, turning her chair so now she could face the fennec. Somehow, the addition of an old-style wood-finished radio to the room didn’t do much to make the place less unsettling - the low music just did away with the ominous ticking of the old clock hanging on the wall.

 

Didn’t help that Carla seemed to be a huge fan of pre-sixties songs and Jenna didn’t care much for them.

 

“It is my belief that Mr. Hunter will not be trying to commit suicide anymore. He is still withdrawn, but I believe we have made a lot of progress in little time. There is still a lot of ground to cover, however.”

 

“I see. Well, I’m glad he’s better. We might not be friends anymore, but it’s still for old time’s sake.”

 

“Mhm,” Carla responded with little interest and raised the files she had been reading up to eye level again. Jenna crossed her arms, feeling slightly annoyed.

 

She knew that the owl would be busy now she had been acting as the director of the Institute. She likely would keep the position. What bothered the younger female was that, since Chase came in, the owl pretty much seemed to go quiet, as if she had been deeply in thought.

 

And, considering how Carla tended to be an enigma, it unsettled Jenna.

 

“You want to ask me why I think he has a lot of progress to make, do you not? Go ahead. Ask me.”

 

“Well, you already know I’m going to do it, so… why do you think that?” Jenna said.

 

“One thing that threw me off was how you talked about him. And Mr. Hess and Mr. Moore. I expected him to be a little more… mature. Yet, when we spoke, he behaved like he was an eleven years old child with the experiences of an adult.”

 

Now Jenna uncrossed her arms and decided to leave her paperwork be for the time being. She approached Carla’s desk and took the seat opposite hers. “I… I’ve noticed the same thing myself. Do you think the trauma might have damaged his brain? Lack of oxygen, maybe?”

 

Carla now put the files down and interlocked her taloned fingers. “I considered that possibility. But his records show that your friend, Mr. Hendricks, actually caught him just as he lost consciousness. There could be a few other instances of brain damage, but I am not really sure about that. I believe that, maybe, it is a defense or coping mechanism with the overwhelming stress of reality, caused by guilt, perhaps. But, even so, I have never seen this happening before.”

 

The owl narrowed her eyes. “The closest case I found was one of Dissociative Identity Disorder.”

 

Jenna was not expecting to hear that.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Like I said, Jenna, this is the closest case I can recall. Even then, it was not the same. So, the answer is ‘no.’ But I would be ready for that diagnosis, if what I suspect is the case.”

 

Chase had behaved oddly before, Jenna knew. But she didn’t peg him as the type to develop a second personality.

 

Then again, he did change a lot after Sydney’s death. Maybe it was the result of that incident.

 

Jenna found that Carla had been glaring at her, unmoving. It was unnerving, as if the owl could read her like an open book.

 

And the fennec knew she could do that to almost anyone.

 

“I have considered that he developed a second personality to forget the trauma of killing someone. Unlike some people think, not just these who suffer from abuse or violence can get traumatized. There are cases of war veterans, criminals and policemen that did not cope well with taking one’s life.”

 

The fennec thought about all that she had been told. So, she basically crushed on a construct? Which personality had been the one that tried to kill Flynn? Which had been the one that loved Leo? Which had been the one that led TJ on? He didn’t go back to normal after the incident at Lake Emma.

 

Did the ‘killer’ personality die when Chase hanged himself? Was that the Chase that had been in charge during all these years?

 

“I am sorry if I cannot talk in depth about his case, Jenna. But you are his friend and I am already being ethically questionable as it is by sharing with you my own thoughts about his case. As fascinating as it is.”

 

“I understand. And… well, he’s not my friend anymore. Things have gotten too awkward between us.”

 

"I understand," said Carla.

 

That was true, and Jenna also could not reconcile hanging around him and Flynn and TJ simultaneously.

 

She still hoped that he would make a recovery and lead a good life. Not just because it was her job, but for old time’s sake. She would never forget how he had helped her give her first steps to independence.

 

Yet, she could not reconcile that with what he had done.

 

The situation with Chase was much more complicated: Despite everything, Flynn was still her friend. Even back when they didn’t really get along well with each other. And, from what she learned from TJ, from Carl, and from Flynn - as well as what she could conclude after giving the situation some thought - Chase had been manipulative during that week. And the otter himself, when they spoke in the hospital, seemed eager to just cut ties with them.

 

It did not escape Jenna that it was somewhat selfish to think in those terms. But that didn’t make it any less true. It was how it was and the bottomline is she felt uneasy at her former friend’s - and crush - presence.

 

Both women fell into silence again. The radio played Judy Garland’s _‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’_ now. For some reason, the lyrics brought Jenna to think about what she owed to Chase, as well as her other two friends - and roommates.

 

Jenna felt like it was time for a decision. 

 

Carla had gotten up and, at the moment, was in the newest addition to her office: A small water cooler that belonged to Dr. Carlyle. The owl filled her mug with some water and went to her drawer. She picked up a blister package of headache pills and popped one in her beak, then chased it down with the water.

 

The fennec tried to find it in herself if she could fix her friendship with Chase. It turned out that she couldn’t.

 

She still liked him, oddly enough. Just now she felt an overwhelming sense of discomfort in his presence.

 

However, Jenna decided she would not leave him to fend for himself. If he wanted, if she could, she would help him get back to his paws.

 

Then, they would go on separate ways.

 

In a way, it felt like she should have tried to do something for Adam years prior. Before he had decided to take the same way out.

 

Maybe it was selfish on her part, to help Chase and say ‘goodbye,’ but she couldn’t do anything else. And she owed him for his own help.

 

Her debt would be paid.

 

With a resigned sigh, Jenna got back to her desk to finish the paperwork on that day’s group therapy. She gave the clock on the wall a brief look to see how long until her sixteen-hour shift would end.


	40. Back to Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl is back in town and is making plans on a quiet evening in his own apartment.
> 
> We get to see Flynn finally coming to learn he has to juggle his relationship and career. The gila also has a realization about a former friend.
> 
> Chase, in the meantime, is debating what to do with his life.
> 
> Last, but not least, Leo makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter written on my phone. I got impatient since my home hasn't had internet in days.

**Back to Normal**

 

_“Hey guys, I’m just uploading this video to announce that I’m back to work at full capacity like before. I’m sorry for the folks who had to contend with low-quality videos of my gameplays for a while, but when I left Pueblo, I didn’t take my stuff with me. So, please, leave in the comments below what you guys would like to see me doing next: Continue playin’ Submarina: Sub-zero’s early access updates or if you wanna see the next ‘From the Back of the Fridge’ video. It’s also been a while since I last did indie horror games, so, if you guys have any suggestions, leave ‘em on the comments below and I’ll read them. This is the Ice Cream Man, straight from his new apartment. Stay chilly, guys!”_

 

Carl smiled as he clicked on the ‘upload’ button and got up from his chair, stretching his muscles and groaning. The ram then took in the look of his new bedroom, in his own apartment; the apartment was pretty much the same standard layout as the one in which his friends lived. Only, in his case, it was only for himself. He supposed he would use the spare room as a guest room or storage - the ram would figure it later.

 

It was early April when he came back to Pueblo. It turns out both he and Chase - given the circumstances - had graduated despite not being there to get the symbolic cardboard tube with velvet containing their diplomas.

 

Eleanor had to go back to Amsterdam, but they did talk at length during their last night together. Neither of them considered what they had a true relationship, but they acknowledged they were more than friends with benefits.

 

In the end, they decided to see what would happen. They did exchange messages and call each other nearly every day, however.

 

It turned out the goat was a very interesting woman. She actually enjoyed most of his hobbies, but was different enough in her tastes that they could always bring something new to talk about with each other.

 

Flynn, TJ and Jenna had helped him move and unpack - the gila’s truck came in handy. It also helped Carl didn’t have many things in his dorm room. He needed to buy a couch and a bigger TV, though.

 

Sure, he felt a little lonely in his apartment sometimes - but it wasn’t something he wasn’t used to. If anything, despite Pueblo being much bigger than Echo, he got to see his friends (old and new) more often.

 

More important than that, was that Carl learned he could bear it. That he was stronger than he thought he was - the ram knew that could be said of all his friends.

 

Speaking of friends, he had to later arrange to talk with Richard Maitland. Carl’s interest in the goat grew when Eleanor had told him about how the goat once complained that he felt like his entire life had been chasing something that he did not know what, but that the goal post kept being moved away whenever he drew close. Though both Richard and Carl himself felt better now, the ram couldn’t help but sympathize with the goat.

 

That and the ram still needed to ask about his accountants. Carl had way too much money now, and he didn’t want to request aid from his parents - from what he gathered, they were massively impressed with what their son had been up to.

 

Maybe next time they went to his house, Carl would try to not get carried away with his filming of his videos to properly thank Richard and ask for his advice.

 

His video finished uploading and there was already twenty-seven comments. One of the first of the bunch was by none other than TJ:

 

_“Take your time.”_

 

That reminded the ram of another idea he had yet to put into practice. Carl sat back down in front of his computer,  liked the comment and typed an answer:

 

_“hey, TJ, would you like to make an appearance in one of my videos? I have an idea that’s gonna be perfect and I’ll need your help with it.”_

 

Carl sent it and, much to his surprise, the lynx replied a few minutes later:

 

_“Sure! Just wait until we’re both free and we can do that.”_

 

Chuckling, the ram responded with an _‘that’s a deal, then’,_ and wondered if TJ even suspected what idea he had in mind.

  
  


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“Alright,” Flynn said with a low sigh as he lowered the resume he had been reading. He had already finished asking the prospective candidate in front of him the usual job interview questions and was about finished with the specifics. Sadly, there was one thought the gila couldn’t shake out of his mind: If TJ would arrive home safe from his late-night nurse school class.

 

Indeed, the rumours were true: Angelo was now in charge of the security at Pueblo Airport - or rather, just the eastern hangars - and the gila was being groomed to take the elephant’s place as Luiz’s aide at the mall. Which meant that Flynn had been putting up with a situation he didn’t really like to handle.

 

It wasn’t the first time that the young lizard had conducted a job interview with a prospective candidate. Though it still stressed him to handle people like that. In the rare moments when someone did show up at the City Hall, back in Echo, the lizard knew he displayed his annoyance at the occasional citizen, and would eventually end up being unhelpful.

 

But Flynn was trying real hard as of late. Not just for his own sake to be promoted and improve himself but, for some reason he couldn’t fathom, it was also because he wanted to impress his boss now that Luiz had been standing by the door, his arms crossed over his broad chest (almost resting on the tegu’s prominent belly), watching him intently. Even if he were wearing his mirrored aviators, Flynn would be able to tell: The only thing that moved on the older lizard was his tail, very slowly, like a reptilian predator ready to strike unaware prey. Flynn let out a breath from his nostrils and looked back at the nervous college age tabby cat sitting across his boss’ desk.

 

“Alright, Mr. McNeil, the next question is: Could ya describe me a time where you felt threatened at your job and how you handled the situation?”

 

“Uhm,” the cat shifted uncomfortably on his seat, “I… I never really felt threatened at my previous job, so… would a private life situation count?”

 

Flynn fought the urge to look at Luiz for advice this time. He decided to use his judgement. “Yes.”

 

“Well, there was one time in school where a bigger kid wanted to give me a wedgie. All I did was tell the teacher. My life has been pretty much dull, to be honest.”

 

The gila hummed and fired his next question: 

 

“What would ya do if you caught an officer sleeping on the job?”

 

“I think… I think I’d first just wake them up - maybe they’re unwell. But if it was something known to me or a second time it happened, I suppose I’d have to report them.”

 

“Right. And the last one: Why’d you wanna be a security officer?”

 

McNeil swallowed and sighed. “I, uh, it’s a job. And something I think I’d be able to do well. There isn’t any complex reason, really.”

 

“Alright. Alright, we’re done.” Flynn took the tabby’s paw in his hand and shook it. “We’ll call ya and tell how you went. Have a good night, Mr. McNeil.”

 

The cat looked a little dejected - everyone did when they heard the ‘we’ll call’ - but nodded. “Thanks, to you too - both of you,” he looked between Luiz and Flynn with a polite nod and scurried out.

 

When the young cat had been long gone from the office, Flynn got up from his boss’ chair and watched as the tegu moved to take a seat on his high chair. It was a sturdy, older chair and it barely whined under the strain from the older lizard’s weight. If anything, Luiz had actually lost a couple of pounds as of late. Flynn took the seat formerly occupied by McNeil.

 

“How’d I do?”

 

Luiz chuckled. “What? Makin’ up for bein’ hired without an interview? You did fine, kid. I suppose we could put that cat here at the mall and free another of the guys for a more riskier task. By the way… the way you conducted the interview felt a little… rushed. I take you still don’t like dealing with people, am I right?”

 

“Nah… I’m just concerned. Toby’s gonna be startin’ this nurse course after his job today. And, before you ask, I’m gonna go fetch him. That’s not what’s bothering me. It’s knowin’ I’ll be tired from bein’ awake so late, Teej’s gonna notice it, and he’s gonna feel like shit for that. I don’t like workin’ tired and I don’t like when he gets all fuckin’ worked up on my account.”

 

Luiz shrugged and put his feet over his desk, then lit up a cigarette and took a drag, watching the smoke dancing slowly - like a purple-gray veil being blown by the wind - towards the ceiling lights before dissipating. He was silent for a few moments (too long for Flynn’s liking), before he shrugged again and met the gila’s gaze with his own.

 

“That’s part of what bein’ in a relationship entails, kid. I mean, Rich was worried sick when I was a cop. Meanwhile, when I was the Maitland Family’s bodyguard, I’d often follow him during his escapades for two years, before he became a church boy like he used to be as a kid. It meant I’d often get home late, sleep, wake up five in the fucking morning, and continue with my routine all over again. That’s likely what you’re gonna experience with your _lince_ \- just tell him to not give up if he thinks he’s puttin’ too much pressure on ya, kinda like how Rich didn’t wanna me to leave the cops if I liked it. Besides… how’s he gonna become a nurse anyway?”

 

Flynn spreaded his hands slightly, to indicate his lack of knowledge. “All I know is that he could enroll on some Associates Degree program - I think that was the fuckin’ name - and study two years then pass an exam. I’m sure he’s gonna fuckin’ ace that shit. Toby’s pretty damn good with anatomy.”

 

“I can tell by how Jenna has been kept awake until late. And you have been showin’ up to work tired, but with a spring on your step, know what I mean?” Luiz grinned. “I can tell he’s fucking great with handling lizards. Hmm…” The tegu rubbed his chin in an exaggerated manner.

 

“Don’t ya even fuckin’ think about it, Luiz.” Flynn spoke in a low voice. The tegu chuckled and spreaded his arms.

 

“Bah, even if I had any interest, I’d not be able to compete with ya, kid. He’s only got eyes - and all the rest of his body - for ya.”

 

“Hm.” Flynn nodded, but decided to not indulge his boss in his crass jokes. Not really because he minded it, but because his thoughts kept coming back to the logistics of picking up TJ for the next two or so years.

 

And, also, due to his realization something was really weird with Chase: After he left the Hospital, Chase seemed the usual self he had been for the past decade or so. But the Chase he met by chance at the soup kitchen was closer to the one he knew as a kid.

 

And then there was how he acted after his suicide attempt. The Chase he knew would usually defend himself, attack or respond in any way. Yet, all the otter did while the gila ranted at him was to recoil and look guilty like a kid who got caught stealing from the cookie jar.

 

Luiz put off his cigarette on the glass ashtray on his dark oak desk and looked back at Flynn. “You may go, by the way.”

 

Flynn looked at the clock hanging on the wall and saw that he had busted his work shift by a few minutes. “It’s alright. I’ll wait ‘till you’re ready.”

 

It was something he had been doing since a few months before the tegu took him to the Sweatshop: He’d help Luiz and Liao close down the mall, then leave with the tegu. Pueblo’s crime rate was quite high for the region and Flynn didn’t like to both go alone in the parking lot at night nor to let the old man do it.

 

Even though he knew both of them could likely fend for themselves, the gila had to admit to himself that he had started caring for Luiz.

 

One hour later, the gila found himself sitting in his shared apartment’s living room, half-watching some documentary about ancient hunters. Jenna had taken a seat by his side on the futon, but they didn’t talk much: The fennec seemed to be focusing on a thick volume she had acquired from a second-hand antique store, talking about cases of split-personality.

 

Eventually, Flynn’s phone buzzed. He knew who had texted him, but he was still glad to see it was, indeed, TJ:

 

_From: Toby_

_Class will end in ten minutes. Can you come pick me up?_

 

Flynn typed his affirmative answer and got up. Jenna looked at him and Flynn decided to answer her question before she had even voiced it.

 

“Gonna go pick TJ up.”

 

The fennec nodded and went back to her book. Since Chase had been committed to the same place she worked, Jenna had been nearly obsessively researching cases of schizophrenia and split-personality. Flynn did not pretend he could understand half of it - he had no interest to. His only interest laid with where TJ and him would take their lives from then on.

 

Even if, in the back of his mind, the gila’s natural curiosity desired for an answer about what the fuck was wrong with Chase. Was the otter that Flynn yelled at in the hospital even the same one that tried to kill him?

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Four hours earlier that day, at the Pueblo Mental Health Institute, Chase raised his eyebrows when he noticed the owl doctor approaching. It was that time of the day again.

 

Even though he hadn’t even completed a full month in the asylum yet, the otter felt like he had been there for longer. Thankfully, it wasn’t what he imagined it would be like.

 

For starters, the worst cases were kept in separate wards. While he didn’t have much privacy, considering he slept and lived with many other mentally ill patients, the doctors did their best to make everyone feel comfortable.

 

Though Chase would have liked if he could have more privacy other than in a bathroom stall or the few times he was called into a doctor’s office. Most of the time, however, his routine had been group therapy with other patients who tried to kill themselves, others with severe schizophrenia, and even an old wolf who thought he was Jesus Christ.

 

Of course, his bed was a little uncomfortable: It reminded him of the old, military-style beds with wire springs holding a paper-thin mattress. The whole building also felt slightly cold. Another thing the otter disliked was the food: It wasn’t horrible, but it was seriously mediocre, bland, and had little to no variety.

 

He missed his parents, but they couldn’t visit him every day. He loved when they brought him snacks or his PDS console, so he could chill and play a few games. But even that had grown stale after a few days.

 

Life in the asylum was, pretty much, routine. 

 

He was tired of being there. Simultaneously, he didn’t like talking about what had happened with the doctors, since they would call him mad. Chase didn’t even feel comfortable sharing it with Jenna. She had always been so logical, and the fennec would seriously question her former friend’s sanity. Especially since Chase knew that he already looked the part, with the limited ways he could groom himself - not that he felt like doing much anyway. The entire ward smelled of sweat, piss and musk from various patients, so, nobody would complain.

 

Dr. Carla Sanderson, on the other hand, seemed to like patrolling through the wards, talking with this and that patient, checking if they needed to say something, or if had any suggestions or complaints. He had seen her being patient and not once chuckling in the face of the more unintentionally funny insane patients.

 

Chase didn’t belong there. He was sure he wasn’t insane. But who would believe him?

 

What made it worse was that Chase knew he could barely survive out there on his own. He remembered everything he lived through, but lacked the experience of the wasted decade and half of his life. It was crystal-clear by how he struggled during the few times he felt in control, working for Mr. Peterson’s newspaper.

 

If he had some cigarettes, Chase would try to sneak into the bathroom to smoke. It was something that he had started doing after one of the fellow patients offered him a cigarette in return for a rock candy his mother had brought. Despite his initial disgust, the otter found that it did help him relax.

 

The doctor was now walking towards him, and Chase felt nervous. Somehow, he believed that she knew he wasn’t insane, but that he had been hiding something.

 

It wasn’t anything she did or said. Chase just had that feeling. Might have been the knowledge she displayed about a few things that had happened in Echo. Sure, she and Jenna appeared to be friends, but even Jenna couldn’t know what happened.

 

Did she and Flynn or TJ talk about what happened back in twenty-fifteen? Possibly.

 

“How are you doing today, Mr. Hunter?” Carla’s voice brought Chase back from his musings.

 

“I’m fine, thanks, doctor.”

 

“I am glad to see you are doing well. Most patients do not adapt so fast to life in here. However, there are quite a few that cannot live on the outside world… and some that simply do not want to.”

 

 _‘Crap. Is she talking about me?’_ Chase thought.

 

“You see, being responsible for oneself is quite a lot for a few people to handle. Some cases of severe depression do that. But there are people that are simply wholly unprepared due to events that happened during their youth. Mostly, events beyond their control, like overbearing or over-controlling parents or guardians… among other situations.”

 

Chase decided to pretend he had no idea what the owl was talking about. “Hm? That’s interesting… do you mean someone like Alan?”

 

Alan was a young skunk, about sixteen years old, who had a crippling case of depression. From the little that Chase had spoken with him, Jenna actually had been the one who helped get him committed to the facility, since the former Head Doctor almost kicked him and his mother out.

 

Heh, all his former friends were making something out of themselves, helping each other and other people - even Flynn, back at the soup kitchen - and only Chase had been a dead weight.

 

He also knew a few patients who had been committed for years. Maybe that was his place after all.

 

“I am not referring to Mr. Burton, Mr. Hunter. I believe you know what I am trying to talk about. I understand that it takes time for a few patients to open up and feel comfortable with sharing what is on their minds with the therapists, but it is necessary - even if it hurts a little to relive these events. I do not think you desire to spend most, if not the rest of your life, here.”

 

“Look, doc. I play along, I attend to the darn group therapy, I take my friggin’ medicine, I do everything you guys tell me to _but_ talk. Feck, what do you know?”

 

The owl moved her head in a way that gave the illusion of raising one eyebrow. Considering birds couldn’t do many facial expressions, they often resorted to tilting their heads in the right way and expressing things with their eyes.

 

Right now, Chase could tell that Dr. Sanderson was judging him. Especially since what he had done was like a teenager throwing a tantrum.

 

“More than you can imagine, Mr. Hunter. Your case is, to be frank with you, unorthodox. Not because of what you display as of now. Rather, it is the apparent cause. My goal is to help you make up for the… lost time. But, first, I need to know what caused the issue. A bad friend? Someone who was a bad influence and manipulated you? Maybe someone close to you or that only you could interact with?”

 

Chase was looking down at his feetpaws and sighed. “It wasn’t manipulation… it was like having a friggin’ nightmare… I couldn’t do anything but watch…”

 

“Ah.” The otter looked up at Carla again. She appeared to be in her usual stoic expression.

 

However, Chase could swear he had perceived a hint of a smirk in the corners of her eyes. It was there for a split-second, but he could see it.

 

Carla nodded at him. “I shall be in my office. If you feel like talking more about that… peculiar situation, you know what to do. I will do my best to help you, but you need to meet me halfway.”

 

“Alright…” Chase sighed, defeated. He still didn’t want to talk, but he had already let out enough to give the shrink a hint. And it seemed she understood it.

 

“By the way,” Carla turned around before she reached for the door leading to the mess hall, “I would quit smoking if I were you. Do not damage your young lungs. It is not worth it.”

 

Before Chase could answer, the owl disappeared behind the door, into the mess hall. Her office was the first door on the right, after the mess hall.

 

Chase looked outside through the barred window. It was less to avoid escapes (except in the criminally insane ward), and more so people would not commit suicide by jumping. The outside had a large garden with an old, disused fountain with dirty green water. The concrete had been blackened by the elements and lack of maintenance. Beyond it, there was the gates and the streets of Pueblo.

 

People came and went about their business, likely with their own problems and issues. But none of them could even fathom what Chase had been through. The otter chuckled bitterly - maybe, when _he_ left, it only made Chase’s life worse.

 

Maybe Chase would never get true freedom.

 

He tried to talk with Jenna again. While she did not turn her back to him, he realized that his feelings in the hospital were correct: It was just too awkward between them to pretend they were friends.

 

Chase didn’t see much of a point to do anything. He would never be normal again.

 

It was when one thought crossed his mind: What did he have to lose?

 

Since everything he enjoyed doing would be either stupid for someone in their mid-twenties to start doing now, plus felt dull and didn’t entertain him anymore, there was only one course of action for Chase.

 

Of course, he could off himself. This time by his own volition. But that wasn’t the only course of action he saw.

 

The otter got up and made his way to the nearest nurse he saw. It was a male guinea pig, apparently in his late forties. The rodent looked at him with one arched eyebrow.

 

“I, uh, I’d like to talk with Dr. Sanderson.”

 

With some luck, Chase would be back to normal soon.

 

It was a long shot, but if it worked, the otter would finally be able to live his own life.

 

 _‘I am mine,’_ Chase thought to himself as the orderly walked off to call Carla.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


_To: Flynn_

_how r u guys doing? :3_

 

_From: Flynn_

_We’re alright. Just chilling for a few minutes before going to sleep. Toby’s looking at something on his computer. It’s related to his nurse class. How about you?_

 

_To: Flynn_

_cool. I’m alright, i guess. Echo’s pretty slow, most people r moving out._

 

_From: Flynn_

_So, thinking about following suit?_

 

_To: Flynn_

_pretty much. I’m done with echo. I’m just figuring if i go to payton or pueblo with u guys. xD_

 

_From: Flynn_

_Well, as cramped as it will be, my offer is still open. I also spoke with Jenna and TJ and they’re fine with you coming._

 

_To: Flynn_

_thanks. I’ll let u guys know if - and when - i’m coming :3_

 

_From: Flynn_

_Alright. Well, TJ shut the screen off. It’s pretty late for me too, so, good night Leo._

 

_To: Flynn_

_alright. night, Flynn. o3o_

 

Leo sighed and lowered his phone. Once more, he was alone after a long day working. He looked around his living room: A bit of a disorganised mess. The coffee table had the remains of his late dinner on its plastic tray - the fork used to eat it being the only thing that wasn’t disposable. At least, it meant the wolf didn’t need to do dishes very often.

 

But his lack of cooking skills, plus his diet of industrialized crap was taking a toll on his figure. The wolf was too fat for his own liking.

 

He drank some more of the lukewarm beer that he downed his dinner with. Earlier that week, he had a long talk with his father and the old man decided it would be good for Leo if he moved out and tried to seek a better life for himself.

 

It surprised the wolf. His _papá_ was kinda eager to keep him close. Then again, maybe he had seen how Leo had been feeling as of late and decided that supporting his decision to move out would be good.

 

In a way, Leo would still miss this place. He liked his house and how calm it was in and around it. He liked being able to listen to the few crickets and other insects the bushes nearby had at night, as well as the light buzzing of the lamps.

 

But the truth was that Leo had stagnated. Pretty much like Flynn had. The young wolf knew it, and - after he came back from Pueblo - it had shown how much his life could have changed. Maybe for the better.

 

Leo still felt miserable over the end of his relationship with Chase. Even if it had been pretty much dead even before it turned out the otter was a killer. Yet, it could still mean that he was free now.

 

He wouldn’t pursuit a relationship right away, of course. Leo knew himself well enough to know he didn’t have much to offer in his current state of mind. But, maybe someday, he could enjoy something like what Flynn and TJ seemed to be having.

 

What he had with Chase had been like fire: It was relentless, brutal, and consumed them. But it also quickly burned itself out.

 

He needed something more solid like his friends had. Leo had never seen Flynn smiling as much as he did when TJ would lean over against him on the futon. Or nuzzle at the gila’s broad chest when he thought Leo wasn’t looking.

 

Despite being half-drunk and not having the powerful hearing that Jenna or TJ had, when Leo had arrived to the apartment with Jenna after their talked with Chase, he could hear the sound of someone crying. It wasn’t TJ, which was made clear when he heard the muffled sound of Flynn speaking. It was something Leo didn’t see - or hear - often.

 

He and Jenna did exchange an awkward glance. He could also hear TJ’s muffled voice through the wall, but couldn’t make what the lynx had been saying. Only that the tone was consoling.

 

Immediately, Leo thought about what he had with Chase once more.

 

When had been the first and last time that the otter consoled him when he felt bad? Leo knew he wasn’t perfect - if anything, he wouldn’t date himself - but he did try to make Chase feel better when he was upset. Even if these attempts were an utter failure.

 

However, he couldn’t think of a single time that Chase had made him feel better. Maybe his memory was biased but, now he had a clearer head, he could look back and see that they had lots of sex and cuddling… and arguing, lying and even a few cruel pranks. Sure, Leo was a bit of a control freak.

 

But did they think he couldn’t feel?

 

He knew Jenna wanted to take Chase from him. At least, he suspected as much. And it was his fault that he pushed the otter away. At least, it was how he perceived it until he and Flynn talked about it.

 

In the end, he realized it was not meant to be.

 

And Leo felt oddly at peace with that.

 

It was nearly two in the morning now. The wolf yawned and stretched. He figured that he’d go to bed and check the pros and cons of Pueblo versus Payton.

 

Though, knowing how he tended to stupidly follow his heart, Leo knew that he’d likely pick up Pueblo.

 

And, with a smile appearing on his muzzle as he went to his bedroom, Leo felt at peace with that as well.


	41. Standing Tall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ has had enough of his coworker's obnoxious behavior. He also has a few creative ideas on how to spend the night with Flynn.
> 
> Meanwhile, Flynn gets some news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once more, thanks to my wonderful boyfriend for helping me pick the worst mistakes.
> 
> I am sorry that I have been absent. For these who do not know, I work in my city's healthcare services and we are all both busier than ever and freaking out. I won't get into details, but things here are pretty grim.
> 
> So, I apologize for not being in the right headspace for a while.

**Standing**   **Tall**

 

Time passed TJ by, and he had gotten used quickly to his new routine of work-class-home with Flynn.

 

While the lynx did not forget about the upsetting events of the past month (and these of the past years), he didn’t need Carla or his friends to realize he had been a lot better.

 

It was yet another normal morning for TJ. They already were one full week into Spring and, for the first time in a while, the lynx was being groomed by Flynn.

 

It was relaxing to feel the metal scrub’s teeth gently raking his fur, the shedding winter coat building up as the gila gently - but firmly - ran it down his lower back and over his buttocks and thighs. Flynn pulled the scrub out and hummed, pulling yet another ball of white-gray fluff and shoving it inside a plastic bag that was half-full with it. They were almost done.

 

“Know, a little more and we could build ‘nother one of ya, Toby.” Flynn said as he briefly eyed the bag, before continuing to brush the back of TJ’s thighs.

 

TJ chuckled. Many comebacks ran through the lynx’s mind, and he decided to be bold for once:

 

“Ah, think you could cope with two of me?”

 

The gila huffed and smirked in amusement, before signaling TJ to turn around and start scrubbing the front of his legs. “One of ya is already enough.”

 

“Hehe. Hmm…” TJ swallowed as Flynn gently raked the brush over and around the delicate skin of his sheath and ballsack. While he could tell the gila seemed to like what he was seeing - he had long since learned to detect amusement on his boyfriend’s face even when he didn’t smile - Flynn seemed genuinely focused on not hurting him.

 

The younger male blushed a little when he felt the blood flowing to his hidden member, and thought about as many turn-offs as he could before Flynn moved down to scrub his thighs. Before long, the gila gently tapped his butt.

 

“Done,” Flynn announced as he cleaned the brush and bagged the last of TJ’s fur. “Go take a shower now.”

 

“Alright.” TJ looked down at himself, feeling fresh without the extra layers of winter coat covering his body. Oh, it was still a little too hot, but nowhere near Echo. All in all, he felt comfortable. As he walked to his discarded pajamas in order to get dressed again (Jenna was up and about, after all), he remembered something.

 

“When do you think you’re starting to shed?”

 

Flynn tied the bag’s straps into a knot and looked at him with a raised ridge, before smirking. “Next week or so. Why? Can’t wait to run your paws all over this?” The gila flicked his tongue and ran his right hand over his well-defined abs.

 

TJ’s ears splayed and he swallowed again, before he forced his ears back up and shrugged. “It’s relaxing to groom you.”

 

“Riiiiight,” the lizard said, briefly chuckling to himself. TJ smiled at him and decided to grab his clean clothes and go ahead with his shower, lest they end up late.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


_“The selfish, they’re all standing in line,_

_Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time,_

_Me, I figure as each breath goes by,_

_I only own my miiiind._

_I am miiiiine.”_

 

TJ sung along as the next track started playing. It had taken a while for him to sum up the courage to keep a few of his Indie Rock CDs in Flynn’s truck. He knew the gila didn’t really like music.

 

Of course, it kinda had changed after that one time Luiz called Flynn one of the world’s most boring people for that exact reason. Since then, the gila seemed to experiment with his radio and TJ had taken the opportunity to test waters and put some of his favourite bands on to play - both on his computer, at low volume when he studied and Flynn laid down on their bed, and also when they were going to work or Flynn picked him up from his class.

 

Obviously, TJ decided to start with something a little more classic. In that case, Pearl Jam. It also helped that Flynn’s bosses seemed to like it (Luiz loved ‘Do the Evolution’), so he could put them on when they gathered in their place for Carl to make more videos.

 

Still, as Tobias kept singing, he couldn’t help but pay attention to the lyrics. It was… interesting, to say the least.

 

It appeared so did Flynn. As it ended and the next track rolled in, the gila made a comment:

 

“Know, that song reminds me of ya.”

 

TJ’s ears perked up. “How so?”

 

Flynn shrugged with one shoulder. “I dunno how to explain. Might be ‘cause it was the first one I heard you playing that afternoon, when the large bed came and you put these guys on to play while we assembled it.”

 

The lynx smiled slightly. He remembered that day: Pearl Jam playing low through his computer’s cheap speakers, both of them sitting on the floor surrounded by the bed parts and Flynn’s tools - and both of them were shirtless, since it was a hot day - while they tried to figure how to assemble the entire thing right and without breaking it.

 

Later, they had taken the disassembled old single bed that TJ had to the end of their corridor and left it piled as close to the wall as they could, to get it out of the way. Jenna still complained, since it both looked horrible and was almost right in front of her bedroom door.

 

Fortunately, they quickly sold it online, mattress and all. TJ tried to share the money with Flynn, but the gila refused. TJ tried to argue then that it wasn’t right, since it would be more than enough to cover his share of their new bed, meaning Flynn would be at a loss.

 

Tobias would never forget how the gila smirked then, and made a point that they now could comfortably share the bed, that being more than enough to make up for it.

 

The lynx didn’t disagree.

 

“There’s also just… how you’ve been acting at times,” Flynn’s voice brought TJ back from his reverie. TJ blinked and furrowed his brows.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Know, taking the initiative more often. Not just goin’ with the flow anymore. Not takin’ shit from others. I mean, I don’t wanna sound like a cunt, but I remember there was a time all ya did was hid behind Jenna or agree with whatever the majority wanted to do, even if ya didn’t want it.”

 

TJ wasn’t offended. It was the truth. To be fair, it stung a little.

 

But he decided to focus on the positives: Indeed, he had been a little more confident as of late. Sure, there were circumstances which still made him feel weak and powerless.

 

Then again, after he remembered how Flynn looked so weak and powerless back at Lake Emma, or Leo after all these years, TJ realized anyone was weak and powerless sometimes.

 

It somehow made him feel alright about himself.

 

He noticed Flynn seemed to worry he had said something wrong. “It’s alright. I kinda agree with you.” TJ responded. Flynn looked at him for a second, before nodding and shifting his attention back to the road.

 

It was still early morning, so traffic wasn’t very heavy yet. The only people up and about were the unfortunate folks that had to wake up at five in the morning to get ready to work, just like them. TJ enjoyed the crisp smell of morning air, even though it was slightly fouled by the familiar miasma of exhaust fumes and asphalt that most modern towns - big and small - had.

 

Eventually, their ride ended and TJ sighed. It wasn’t that he disliked his job, just that some people (Nurse Watson, mainly) really wore him down.

 

He was a little exhausted from getting home late as well. At least, he didn’t have classes on Sundays, so he could get free time straight after work.

 

TJ kissed Flynn and bid him a good day (which was returned by the gila) and hopped off Flynn’s truck, ready to start another long day of work.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


“Ah, very good, Mrs. Phillips. You can put your arm down now. Gently… yeah, like that. Soon enough, you should have full movement,” said TJ as he helped one of his regulars, an elderly zebra that, recently, had broken her right arm. She used to come to get help with her bad case of arthritis and had been one of TJ’s first patients.

 

Her fracture had been real bad: The bone stuck out of the skin and she went through surgery. Insurance didn’t really cover the full price, so the lynx - after some debating with himself - had decided to do something he disliked doing: He commented it to Richard during their next lunch break meet.

 

To his surprise, the goat didn’t pay himself. But, rather, set her up with some charities that helped foot the bill. It helped alleviate some of its weight, considering just how her usual treatment had been a drain on her resources.

 

As the lynx helped the old woman to her walker, he couldn’t help but smile. Maybe God put him there so he could help others. While it wasn’t what he had planned for his future, Tobias couldn’t complain.

 

If anything, he found his job satisfying, especially when he saw the genuinely happy and grateful looks his patients gave as they slowly recovered and improved.

 

TJ looked at the clock on the wall. Nearly high noon - which meant he was close to his lunch break. He would take Mrs. Phillips to her orthopedist’s office and, if the good doctor didn’t need his services, he would excuse himself to go eat.

 

Indeed, Dr. Matthews, a short squirrel with graying muzzle, thanked him and seemed to guess what was on his mind: He immediately told TJ he was excused. The lynx thanked him and bid a good day to Mrs. Phillips, then walked in haste to the break room.

 

There were two tables with six seats in that room. It was a remnant from the time their wing of the Health Center had been a maternity - the room was large enough for two tables with six seats. There were a few vending machines, but TJ had brought his lunch that Flynn had cooked for him and a thermal bottle filled with cool orange juice.

 

Of course, Watson was there making one of his rants. As TJ microwaved his lunch, his ears swiveled towards the stupidity the opossum was spewing: It was morbidly fascinating to the young male how there could be conservative atheists in the world.

 

Upon spotting TJ, Watson stopped talking to other two nurses - another squirrel and a grizzly bear whose names TJ didn’t know - and seemed to think for a moment. The lynx knew he was about to say something funny directed at him, and braced for it.

 

“Know, I still can’t understand why some people think it’s natural to have sex with their asses.”

 

The grizzly bear nurse rolles his eyes. “We’re having lunch, Edward.”

 

“Sorry, bro. But I mean… it’s kinda odd when you think of it. I mean, especially when someone is both homo and religious. Think about it.”

 

The squirrel sitting by the grizzly bear shrugged. “Eh, who cares?”

 

“I do. I mean, I have a little kid, so what would I tell him once he sees two men kissing?”

 

“Nothing, since I doubt he’ll really ask. If he does, say the truth: That some guys like other guys and some girls like other girls… or some like both,” as soon as TJ decided to pipe in on the conversation, he regreted it. He could tell Watson had a hint of amusement in his blue eyes. He pulled a chair and sat on it facing the young lynx. TJ knew he was a short man, but he never felt shorter as when someone put him into a corner like his coworker.

 

Sure, he had been through worse - like when Flynn or even Chase would push him around - but that wasn’t to say he still didn’t like to be confronted.

 

“You know things aren’t that simple, bro. Look, I understand you are an interested party on that subject, and I have nothing against gays, but-”

 

“But you’d rather they disappeared.” TJ decided to finish for the opossum. The young lynx took a deep breath and exhaled through his nose. He felt his ears heating up and his heart beating faster - he was starting to get angry.

 

“I just think it’d be better for society if people kept that kind of stuff private.”

 

“Fair enough,” TJ conceded, “but so says the guy that constantly cheats on his wife.” The opossum’s eyes went wide at that, but TJ decided to continue: “Also, I don’t rely on her to pay my bills while I spend money going out with other women. Don’t talk about morals if you aren’t willing to practice what you preach, Watson.”

 

The opossum looked angry for a brief second, then acted hurt. “Woah there, dude. I was just messing with you.”

 

TJ sighed and put his fork down. “And I’m here to work, not to make friends. This is a hospital, not college or school. Now let me eat my lunch in peace.”

 

Before the opossum could answer, the lynx picked his fork back up and proceeded to eat, making sure to keep his gaze down on his food.

 

He could tell the opossum was looking at him for a few more moments, before going out. He did make some quip about it, only getting a half-assed chuckle out of the bear, then left the break room.

 

After he was halfway done with his food, TJ then looked up. He could feel the room’s other two occupants looking at him. His ears drooped - did he go too far?

 

“Uhm… what?” He asked, trying to sound nonchalant. All he did was manage to sound nervous.

 

“Holy shit, that was awesome,” the young squirrel grinned. “I never thought you had that in you. I’m Luke. Luke Robinson, by the way. And this bear here is Frederick Kowalski.”

 

“Call me ‘Freddy’ if ya want to. Folks started after that stupid game came out.”

 

“What’s your name?” asked Luke.

 

“Tobias Hess,” TJ said, feeling a little uneasy.

 

“You’re lucky you just see him during breaks. We have to work with that asshole,” grumbled Luke. TJ flinched slightly at the curse - while he was used to Flynn or even Luiz using that kind of language, he still wasn’t comfortable with it. Luke blinked, then shrugged apologetically.

 

“Guy’s that kind of ‘know-it-all’ sorta guy,” Freddy said.

 

“Oh, I see.” TJ’s ears perked up again.

 

“A few more of these and he won’t be naggin’ ya anymore, so no worries,” Luke spoke now. “But we never figured you’d do that. Tobias, right?” TJ nodded. “Right, Tobias, we knew you as that quiet guy from physiotherapy.”

 

TJ shrugged. “This is a big place, I don’t know most people yet.”

 

It was true.

 

“Fair enough. Can I call you ‘Toby’?”

 

“No.” TJ splayed his ears.

 

“Oh, alright,” Luke chuckled, “sorry. Anyways, good job, Tobias.”

 

“Luke, stop naggin’ the kid. He’s gotta eat his food.”

 

“Oh, sorry. Have at it,” the squirrel waved his right paw in apology. “Talk to you later.”

 

“Alright. Thanks.” TJ went back to his omelette and integral rice with sauce.

 

Despite everything, the lynx enjoyed the feeling of having finally being able to put that opossum to run by himself this time. For once since the times he helped Flynn, he felt like a giant.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


TJ couldn’t talk with Richard during his lunch break that Sunday - Richard was seemingly busy at the church. Still, he did text him like usual. It had become a tradition for them to chat a little after lunch (whether face-to-face or via text).

 

He almost mentioned what had happened with Watson, but decided not to. He didn’t tell Flynn about it, and figured he should know first. Plus, last thing he wanted was to make the goat think he had to do something about the situation.

 

_After Syd and Flynn, TJ had enough of people being hurt by others on his account._

 

And, with that thought, the young lynx’s mood soured a little. His ears once more lowered and he decided to spend the rest of his lunch break sitting on the comfortable couch in the corner of the staff room and text Flynn.

 

They didn’t really talk about anything specific: Life stuff, about how work was going, what they needed to grab on the way home… there was a domesticity in their lives that Tobias appreciated. He enjoyed the normalcy they had settled with.

 

Eventually, however, he got a text that was interesting:

 

_From: Flynn_

_I think I’m getting promoted tonight._

 

TJ raised one eyebrow in interest. He knew Flynn had been doing a few tasks that Angelo used to do, and commented with him and Jenna that he might be being tested for a promotion. The only other guy who was being considered was Liao and Flynn had been direct when he said Luiz and him didn’t really like each other.

 

_To: Flynn_

_Really? This is great! Why tonight?_

 

_From: Flynn_

_Luiz told me to come to his office af litttle before we close down. So I’m either gettin’ promoted, fired, or he’s gonna try to fuck me. Logic dictates the first._

 

TJ blushed at the thought for a second, then chuckled and shook his head at Flynn’s joke.

 

_To: Flynn_

_Fingers crossed! I’ll pray it works out!_

 

_From: Flynn_

_The promotion or the fucking?_

 

TJ snorted.

 

_To: Flynn_

_Well, logic indicates it’s the first._

 

_From: Flynn_

_Heh, the cat’s starting to show his claws, huh? Are ya sure you aren’t TJ’s evil twin Mattias?_

 

_To: Flynn_

_Darnit! Foiled again by Officer Moore! I’ll get you next time! Mwahahaha!_

 

_From: Flynn_

_Now that’s a promise I’ll hold ya to. Gotta go now, there’s some karen talking her ass out at the Buffet Queen over two dollars._

 

‘Karen’ was the way people in retail services referred to women - usually middle-aged - that were entitled and whiny, and usually made a big issue out of nothing. During his time at WellMart, TJ had a few meetings with that kind of people. Flynn seemed to deal with them on a daily basis.

 

Fortunately, all one had to do was let them wear themselves out. Though Flynn had once mentioned that Luiz taught him a way to provoke them into trying to attack you so that they could be legally arrested. Flynn said he never did that, since it was more trouble than it was worth, but his boss seemed fond of it.

 

The lynx smiled back down at his phone and typed his answer:

 

_To: Flynn_

_Alright. Take care. I hope the rest of your shift goes well and ends quickly and without an issue._

 

_From: Flynn_

_Thanks. May that apply to both of us. I have a surprise once I get home, by the way._

 

_To: Flynn_

_Amen to that. And a surprise?_

 

_From: Flynn_

_Yeah. But I ain’t gonna spoil it now. Take care, Toby._

 

_To: Flynn_

_Have a good one, Flynn. And I can’t wait to find out now!_

 

TJ re-read their little exchanged before pocketing his phone and getting up to clock back in. Only then he realized that Flynn might be feeling frisky.

 

He wouldn’t complain. Depending how the rest of his shift went, the lynx would arrive home disposed enough to have some fun himself. He snorted and chuckled to himself at the thought of how natural it all felt as of late.

 

That and, if TJ had to be honest with himself, he _had_ been a bit pent up since the beginning of his classes. Usually, he’d arrive home too tired to do anything but shower, eat and sleep.

 

As he walked back to cover the lunch break of one of his colleagues, TJ blushed: He figured that he could try the whole being cuffed thing.

 

And that he was the one who would want to be tied. It felt terrifying, yet, was the good kind of thrill, making his entire body shiver. He recalled the day the thought first popped up in his mind.

 

It was an idea that he got when he went to record a video with Carl, who introduced him as a ‘guest specialist’ in Christian games and Edutainment games.

 

Embarrassingly enough, TJ indeed had played most of the games Carl had been reviewing before. While he acknowledged they were corny, bad or even outright stupid and ridiculous, the young lynx still cherished his memories having fun playing them in the living room carpet while his parents talked.

 

It didn’t stop him from having fun enjoying Carl’s snark towards said games. He supposed it was good to admit he cherished these memories while simultaneously acknowledging these games stank.

 

Most of the comments on that video made a note of how cute TJ was, then one of Carl’s fans recalled him mentioning a ‘TJ’ that was dating his friend Flynn and, soon enough, they linked the dots.

 

The ram then said for TJ to not search himself on the internet with Flynn for a few months. He didn’t understand at first, until Jenna explained it to him.

 

TJ decided to do it anyway - curiosity killed the cat, after all. It was a good thing Flynn wasn’t internet-savvy.

 

After they were done with the video, Carl and Flynn got into a conversation about his time with Eleanor in Beverly Hills, and the ram dropped a comment about a time she tied him up and rode him to exhaustion.

 

Even if it still sounded weird to the lynx, he couldn’t help but feel the blood rushing to his groin, and his member throbbing and engorging in his sheath, the head slowly poking out of the protective furry skin.

 

Since then, the thought of having that done to him intrigued TJ.

 

Though it was an idea he’d have to let be for now - he still had four or five hours of work ahead of him, depending on how the day went. He tapped the shoulder of his colleague, a female mole named Julia, and told her that she could take her lunch break.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


“Moore! In my office, now!”

 

Flynn cringed when he heard Luiz calling him. Did he fuck up somehow? He didn’t think so - it was likely to hear whatever announcement the tegu had for him. Bernard McNeil, the tabby cat he had interviewed and hired, looked at him with some unease and Flynn shrugged.

 

“I’ll be back. Laura, could ya please finish showin’ him how the cameras work?”

 

“Sure thing,” replied the wheelchair-bond chameleon who was now responsible for the CCTV room. Flynn grunted and left, slinking into Luiz’s office right across the camera room.

 

The tegu stood there, his hands clasped behind his back, facing the door and Flynn almost ran into him.

 

“How long have ya been workin’ for me, Flynn?” Luiz asked.

 

Flynn licked his lips. He had been hired in twenty-sixteen, around April, if he wasn’t mistaken. Well, they were in twenty-nineteen and in mid-April now.

 

“Some three years, I think.”

 

“Well, Flynn, I think the time has come for ya to not be a security officer anymore.” Luiz reached for Flynn’s orange-gold badge and pulled it out, before placing one that shone a more classical golden colour in Flynn’s large hands.

 

“You are a supervisor now, kid. Congratulations. Sit there and we’ll do the paperwork to make it official.”

 

Flynn felt a hint of a smile forming on his lips. He looked down at the badge - it was the same as the one before, only instead of a blank field beneath ‘SECURITY OFFICER,’ there now read in bold, black letters ‘SUPERVISOR.’

 

The gila didn’t waste time in clasping it on his uniform shirt.

 

Meanwhile, his boss was already sitting behind the desk and was fishing a few papers from a drawer on his right, placing them over the polished wood surface of his desk, turning them around so Flynn could read before signing.

 

“I’m sorry if the raise is not all that you thought, but it’s the best we could spare for now.”

 

Flynn scoffed in amusement. “Six hundred dollars? I’m fine with that.” He filled and signed the forms. He started doing the math: Now he would start earning about forty-six thousand and eight hundred bucks a year, over his past forty. It wasn’t much, really, but it was still pretty fucking good for him.

 

Besides, he knew by now that if the company grew, he could get a raise. Angelo made a little more over him still. He didn’t mind - the elephant was an exemplary employee and, if Flynn had to be honest with himself, it was a fucking miracle that he managed to get the hang of this job instead of sneaking into some backroom and listen to a fishing podcast.

 

The last hour of his shift passed by quickly. He managed to message TJ during his lunch break, but decided to tease him about the news - he would confirm his suspicions once they met. In fact, Flynn had a better idea: he would wait and see if the lynx would pick it up when looking at his shirt.

 

Soon enough, they were closing the mall. Flynn said his goodbyes to McNeil and Laura, then had a brief talk with Luiz for a few more moments, before they decided to make it for their cars. Apparently, Luiz wanted to let him know that he might be getting additional training after his next shift, so he could train new guys in proper usage of the equipment.

 

All in all, things were falling into place. Flynn idly wondered if he should inquire Luiz about working on an armoured van on the side. Transporting valuables was relatively riskier, but it paid a bit more, and he knew Luiz and Angelo would sometimes go to Denver and do just that with the company the tegu had bought.

 

Flynn also started reconsidering his decision to not earn a P.I. degree. It happened once he overheard Luiz and Laura talking about a time where the tegu made one thousand dollars just by stalking some cheated guy’s wife and taking a picture of her making out with the mailman. That was some easy money.

 

And the gila considered himself to be okay at it. Of course, he wouldn’t be getting anything glamorous to deal with, like old Noir movies and the popular imagination went once they heard the words ‘private detective.’ 

 

_Like a cold case of murder that’s been unsolved for thirteen years._

 

“Goddammit,” Flynn clenched his teeth at the thought. He knew they’d never get truly over what happened - his boss and his shrink were both clear about it - but it still hurt to think about that once in a while. It was the kind of involuntary, intrusive thoughts beyond one’s control that bothered him.

 

It was morbidly fascinating how easy it was to be triggered.

 

His phone buzzed and Flynn thought it was TJ for a moment, until he saw the contact name: It was Leo.

 

Flynn pulled his truck to the curb and picked his phone up again. Leo was, apparently, taking a break in some roadside motel - he was done with two-thirds of his trip to Pueblo. If he slept a few hours, he would be there by dawn.

 

He had already discussed that with Jenna and TJ. The lynx seemed fine, but it took some convincing for Jenna.

 

What they worried was about what their landlord would think if he found yet another person in their apartment. Oh, well.

 

An evil smirk appeared on Flynn’s lips: He could always have them pretend to be a couple. The idea of Leo and Jenna acting as if they were together was so absurd to anyone who knew them, that it would be worth proposing, just for shits and giggles.

 

In either case, he would have to tell both TJ and Jenna about Leo’s arrival before he showed up.

 

His phone buzzed again, this time it was TJ announcing his shift was over. It appeared Flynn wouldn’t be going home before picking the lynx up. Just as well, since it would give Toby some time to notice the different badge he wore. Flynn even put his older one on the dashboard to see if the lynx would notice the difference.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


TJ’s right ear twitched from when he slid one of his earbuds off to better pay attention to his surroundings and he looked down at his phone to check the time. Flynn would be there any minute now.

 

He had been humming to some more Pearl Jam songs. Once he really stopped to pay attention to the lyrics, he found himself enjoying ‘I Am Mine’ more than ever. It also made him think on the events in his life that led to that day.

 

Apparently, him calling Watson out on his hypocrisy was something that nobody did before - let alone imagined TJ would be the one doing it - and the news spread like wildfire through the entire Parkview Medical Center.

 

Watson himself seemed to act like nothing had happened. He bid his usual goodbyes to everyone when their shift ended and left. It didn’t bother the lynx - as long as he got the opossum to stop being a pain in the butt, he would be happy.

 

He saw Flynn’s truck approach the parking lot. He could recognize the dusted paint job and the slightly dimmer right headlight anywhere. The truck came to a stop as TJ was about six feet or so from it, still making his way to the vehicle. The passenger door opened and the lynx got in.

 

Tobias briefly kissed Flynn on the lips as he closed the door behind him and fastened his seatbelt. They took off on their way home.

 

“So… what’s the surprise?” TJ smiled as he asked. Flynn briefly looked at him, then back to the road and chuckled.

 

“It’s right in front of ya,” he said.

 

“Oh?” His ears perked up, then splayed as he rubbed his chin in thought. “Hmm…” he looked Flynn up and down.

 

“A new gun?”

 

“I doubt you’d like that.” Flynn said.

 

“Heh, true, true. Ah… a new cap? Give me a paw in here, I’m grasping at straws!” TJ said in mock-exasperation.

 

Flynn chuckled once more, his gaze still on the road. “Look at the dashboard.”

 

TJ’s ears perked up again and he looked. Aside of a few usual papers, and the red pen he had retrieved last time, when they were going to the airport, there was a badge. The lynx got it in his paws and looked. It was Flynn’s, but he still couldn’t tell what it meant.

 

“Uhm, it’s your badge.”

 

“Yeah, now look at me.”

 

So... Flynn had an extra one? TJ noticed he wore a badge pretty much like the other. The colour was different, closer to gold than the orange one would expect of a bronze medal. He was about to ask what about it, when his gaze locked on the only things written in black letters instead of the gold.

 

“You got promoted?” The lynx said, beaming.

 

“Yeah. Gonna earn a bit more every month now.”

 

“That’s awesome! I’m glad you got your promotion - I know you worked hard for it.” TJ responded, still smiling. The gila chuckled.

 

“Eh, all I did was stand around wearing a cop costume. I might have given a few pointers to other folks, but that’s it.”

 

While TJ agreed that being a mall cop wasn’t really complicated, the lynx knew Flynn was being self-deprecating: Richard had told him about how the gila started taking a few administrative functions and interviewing new staff. Two of the newer employees (one of which was paralyzed from the waist-down) were even hired by him personally.

 

“Well, I’m still glad.” Tobias said with sincerity. Flynn nodded.

 

The rest of the trip went on mostly in silence. Mostly because TJ was trying to build up the courage to ask Flynn about the idea he had earlier at work.

 

He involuntarily rubbed his right arm - TJ acknowledged he should get rid of that tic or people would be able to tell when he were anxious, while he still had fur on that spot of his arm - and waited until Flynn stopped at a red light to speak:

 

“So, uhm, I’ve been thinking about the whole joke Luiz made, with the cuffs and all…”

 

“Yeah?” Flynn raised one ridge and looked at him for a second, then back at the road.

 

“Yeah! Hm,” TJ cleared his throat; his voice had raised a few octaves too much for his liking, “so, think we could try it tonight?”

 

Flynn blinked for a couple of seconds and TJ could see his ridges furrowing, as if the gila was trying to figure if the lynx was or wasn’t joking.

 

“I’m serious!” TJ said, his ears splaying. “I know I may not be that experienced but, uhm, everyone’s got start somewhere, right?”

 

The gila chuckled as the green light flashed on and continued driving. “Yeah, I get ya. So, who gets cuffed? You?”

 

“Actually, yeah! I, uh, well, this is a little embarrassing, but I liked that you usually take charge, even when I’m ‘topping’ and all, so… yeah.”

 

“Oh, so you like to be a service top, huh? That’s fuckin’ adorable.” They were about two or three blocks away from home. “Tell ya what, I’m gonna take good care of ya, Toby. Anything else you’d like to do?”

 

TJ’s ears drooped and he blushed so hard he was positive Flynn would be able to see through his fur.

 

“Uhm, well…”

 

As he kept on telling Flynn - finding hard to meet his gaze - he slowly felt himself get more hot and bothered.

 

TJ never thought he’d be turned on by being embarrassed. His boyfriend, however, seemed to grow more and more amused.

 

By the time he was done talking, they were turning around the corner to park in front of the apartment. Flynn chuckled and TJ’s ears perked up, knowing he would make a comment about the entire subject they were discussing.

 

“I s’pose I should thank the fatass and his butch goat for this. I just hope ya won’t get too tired for work tomorrow.”

 

TJ shrugged and smiled, still a little shy. “Being tired all the time and still working is part of adult life.”

 

“Fair enough. Let’s go. I’ll shower after ya, seein’ I might take longer, with what’s gonna happen later and all.”

 

The rest of the evening before bed went through in an uneventful manner: They had dinner, then the trio did some basic math to figure which of them would pay what bills, watched a little bit of TV, then Jenna excused herself and left for her room. Despite her not working, the fennec seemed to prefer going to bed early.

 

TJ’s ears drooped while he rinsed the rest of the soap off of his fur in the shower at the thought, but he snorted: Chances are she would need to put her earmuffs on to sleep that night.

 

The one positive thing that might have come out of the whole incident with Chase was the fact both his and Flynn’s libido had taken a nosedive, meaning more sleep for Jenna.

 

But while he didn’t consider himself a lustful being, Tobias acknowledged he definitely wasn’t going to be celibate. Flynn was likely up to fool around a few days before the lynx was in the mood again.

 

What they did could be constituted the basic stuff: They just topped each other (usually, TJ would be ‘topping’ the gila), but the lynx also grew enough courage to learn how to perform a blowjob without raking his teeth around his lover’s sensitive flesh.

 

It helped Jenna was going to be late that day and they had grown bored of TV.

 

Of course, TJ swallowed on his first go. He knew cum didn’t taste like whipped cream (he would never admit he had tasted his own… once or twice, back when he had explored his sexual side), but it wasn’t that abominable thing (so long as they didn’t have too much garlic). The lynx idly considered investing in pineapple juice more often than the orange juice they had every day.

 

TJ’s heart thumped as he felt that familiar thrill he had any time he was going to experience something new. The lynx also enjoyed the afterglow of such strenuous activity, when he and Flynn would just cuddle very close - as if wanting to fuse into a single creature - and kiss or just run their paws over each other’s bodies and looking each other in the eye. Both with that dazed fog of lust and love.

 

He turned the water off and quickly dried himself. More for his bed’s sake than anything: He would soon be sweating anyway. As much as he tried not to, the young feline couldn’t get his thoughts off of what was about to come, meaning he sported a tent once he left the bathroom in his pajama pants.

 

Flynn had been waiting right outside, a towel and his boxers in hand. He pulled the lynx into a brief kiss, then looked down once they were done.

 

“Eager, aren’t we?” The gila chuckled and ran his large hand over TJ’s tent, making his member twitch. Before the lynx could say anything, the gila slinked into the bathroom and closed the door.

 

TJ stood there and blinked for a moment, feeling his cheeks and ears growing hot. An embarrassed, but honest smile formed on the lynx’s black lips and he walked to his bedroom as fast as he could without actually running.

 

Once there, the lynx took a seat on his computer chair and waited. Eventually he got up to make sure his phone battery was charging, then went back to his chair. It was more due to him being nervous than real need to check.

 

After what felt like an eternity, Flynn entered his room. They looked at each other with a knowing smile, then the gila dropped his equipment belt over their bed, before turning around and leaning forwards to both fish for the handcuffs and move his tail aside, ‘accidentally’ giving TJ a view of his large butt - TJ knew it was done on purpose. Since Flynn caught him looking, he made sure to do that kind of thing.

 

The gila then turned around with a smirk on his face, cuffs dangling from one of his fingers.

 

“Alright, Toby. Mind if I use one of your belts to tie the legs down?”

 

“Uh, no, not at all!”

 

“Good. Let’s begin.”

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


“Alright,” Flynn straightened himself back up and admired his handiwork. TJ was there, sitting on his office chair with his arms cuffed behind his back and both his and Flynn’s belts tying his legs down to it. He was rather proud of his improvisation work.

 

The one thing that bothered Flynn was that he had the sensation that he had forgotten something. He looked around and mentally checked the boxes of everything he needed to do. Everything was finished correctly or was there. Might have been just his impression.

 

“Try thrusting, lemme see somethin’.” Flynn said. TJ nodded and attempted to hump the air, with nearly no success. That would do for what the gila had in mind.

 

“Erm, are you sure this won’t hurt?” TJ asked, his ears drooping slightly.

 

“I’ve done that once before. Might be a little uncomfortable at first, but if ya keep from thrustin’ yourself, this is gonna be fine.”

 

“That I understood, I just don’t want this to end with a trip to the hospital.” Toby looked at the older male with concern.

 

“I told ya: Since I’ll be the one in charge, I can pick up a decent pace for myself. Just tell me if this is workin’ or not and I’ll switch holes, alright?”

 

TJ giggled nervously at what Flynn said. “Alright… can you turn off the lights?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Flynn approached the bedroom door and flicked the switch. He hesitated a little and tried the door handle. Locked. Good.

 

He slipped off his boxers and the tip of his member was already emerging from his slit. TJ’s own was still half-mast, despite the time they took to set him up - the lynx seemingly really wanted to be tied, to remain excited all this time without any direct input. The gila smiled down at his lover and leaned in, planting a kiss on his lips.

 

TJ closed his eyes and let out a small moan, before parting lips and allowing Flynn’s prehensile tongue entrance. Flynn heard Toby taking a sharp breath once his hands went down and pinched the feline’s nipples slightly. TJ tried to thrust his hips out of reflex, but didn’t move. It was perfect.

 

“Gonna head straight to the fun part, ‘kay?” Flynn asked once they broke their kiss. TJ had his mouth slightly agape for a few seconds, eyes distant in a daze, before nodding.

 

“Y-yeah…”

 

Flynn couldn’t resist briefly stroking his boyfriend’s head, then reached for a nearby bottle of lube he had bought himself after his first time with Toby. It was somewhat numbing, which would work for what they were about to do.

 

The lizard lathered his hand with it and spreaded his slit open, showing it to TJ. The lynx took in a deep breath through his nose, likely trying to get a whiff of his musk, before Flynn started smearing the slightly cool gel in and around his slit, shuddering every time his fingers brushed against the sensitive flesh of his dick or the inner walls of pink flesh around it, coated in his pre.

 

By the time he closed the bottle and tossed it on TJ’s computer desk, Flynn’s member had been fully erect and out of its slit. Still, he knew fully well some three or four inches of Toby’s own cock could get in through the sides. Would be a tight fit and would hurt a bit at first, but it was his own idea.

 

He straddled on TJ’s lap, one hand using the lynx’s shoulder for support. His computer chair was sturdy, despite not being very large, and he knew it could take their combined weight.

 

His free hand grabbed TJ’s throbbing dick - hot and slick in pre - and guided the nine-inch member close to his entrance. They both shuddered when Flynn briefly rubbed their cocks together, before slipping TJ’s to the left and, slowly, pushing it into him, as far as he could.

 

Flynn took in a sharp, hissed breath, and TJ’s ears perked up.

 

“Is- is it hurting you?” The lynx said.

 

Flynn took a few breaths to calm himself. “A little bit. That’s normal, tho. Did that before with my fingers.”

 

“Well, we can always do it- mmmmmm…!” TJ’s reply was cut short as Flynn started to slowly pull himself off, only to immediately grind himself against TJ’s lap, effectively letting the lynx penetrate his genital slit again. It was a little clumsy, but they quickly started working out a decent rhythm.

 

It was still much slower and more careful than if he were just letting TJ fuck him in the ass, but wasn’t bad. Once in a while, he would get too eager when lowering himself and it would hurt a bit. But both TJ’s hips being more or less still, Flynn being in control, and the numbing lubricant were doing their job well.

 

It took longer than he would have liked, and he was sure they had woken up Jenna again. Flynn held on to TJ’s shoulders while thrusting his hips against the lynx, hissing and cursing between panting breaths. TJ’s own warm breath hit him on the chest every now and then, cut with the lynx’s screams of ‘oh, God, Flynn’ as the gila felt himself approaching his climax.

 

Before he came, however, TJ let out a groan and the gila felt the lynx’s warm seed invading his cloaca. TJ fired it in four bursts, and Flynn slowly thrusted the feline’s cock inside of him, milking him for all he had, until his lover’s member was too soft for penetration again.

 

They sat there, foreheads touching, the room smelling of sex and their combined sweat as their bodies felt both hot from their effort and cool whenever Toby’s small fan that they had set down on the floor turned towards them, sending a small gust of wind before swiveling away, making their bed sheets move in small waves and ruffling the wall calendar’s pages.

 

Flynn grabbed TJ’s muzzle and planted a kiss on his lips, before getting up. His slit felt sore, but wasn’t hurting. He slowly and carefully pressed two fingers inside and smeared them against his inner walls and around his cock. When he pulled out, there was no blood that he could see or smell. The lizard noticed TJ looking and took his index and middle finger, coated in his seed, to his mouth and loudly suckled on them.

 

Despite Toby’s cock being almost fully retracted into its sheath, the gila could see it twitch once more as the lynx sighted what he was doing. That gave Flynn one idea.

 

Since he hadn’t come, it was only fair to let TJ do his part. With a smirk, he approached the bonded feline and just stood straight, his puffy slit leaking a mix of strawberry-flavoured lube, the lynx’s seed and the gila’s precum.

 

TJ’s cute nose twitched and Flynn knew he was smelling him, before the lynx leaned his head as forward as he could and took the gila’s retracting cock in his mouth. Flynn’s length started twitching back to being fully engorged again, but it appeared the lynx - in his lustful daze - decided to be bold:

 

Toby opened his mouth and closed it around as much of Flynn’s slit as he could, as if he were making out with the lizard’s vent. His broad tongue licked away around the base of the gila’s cock and the delicate flesh inside his cloaca. TJ hummed and continued his ministrations until there was nothing more for him to clean. Then, and only then, he pulled back and started slowly and somewhat awkwardly bobbing his head on the gila’s six-inch cock.

 

“Ah, fuck, Toby. You’re a natural!”  Flynn’s hands grabbed the lynx’s head and he did his best to not thrust against the younger male’s face. Toby’s warm breath kept hitting the gila’s pelvis whenever his head bobbed forward.

 

Eventually, Flynn’s hold on to his boyfriend’s head tightened and, with a moan, he fired his own load inside the lynx’s mouth.

 

TJ was a true champ, not letting a single drop leak out. Then again, it was rare for people in real life to come in pints like in porn, Flynn knew that.

 

Still, for someone that had no warning, TJ sure had learned how to not - as one of his coworkers had put it once - ‘choke on the chubby.’

 

Maybe Flynn had created a monster, since as he tried to pull back, TJ sucked harder, making his sensitive cock post-climax twitch once more and send shivers through Flynn’s body. The lizard groaned and let out a huffed breath, supporting himself on the lynx’s shoulders. However, the heightened pleasure became too much in the next second and Flynn - albeit still a little reluctantly - pulled from TJ’s warm and soft mouth.

 

He panted for a few more moments, before letting go of the lynx. TJ looked up at him, his big blue eyes expressing some amusement and tenderness through the lustful daze people always seemed to have when enjoying an afterglow.

 

Flynn chuckled and bent down to kiss the lynx again, tasting himself in his boyfriend’s mouth as his tongue wrestled with TJ’s for dominance.

 

They made out like that for what felt like minutes, before Flynn broke the kiss again and went to his utility belt in order to retrieve the set of keys in with which he had one of his handcuff keys. The other one he kept in his own keychain, in case he lost the other.

 

TJ was freed and the lynx immediately got up and stretched, then rubbed his wrists.

 

“Was it all that ya expected?” Flynn asked as he rubbed TJ’s shoulders - the way the lynx moved indicated his body was a little sore from trying to move while tied.

 

“Mhm! How about you? Did I hurt you… down there?”

 

There was still a lot of concern dripping in TJ’s voice. Flynn smiled fondly - the lynx was still worried about his well-being first and foremost.

 

“A little sore, but that happens.”

 

“Alright,” TJ nodded, some of his tension easing, “let’s get some sleep. I still work tomorrow.”

 

“Alright.” Flynn watched TJ - naked as in the day he was born - climb on the bed and shuffle himself beneath the sheets. The gila still loved to see TJ’s body in all its glory - the lynx had the build of a twink. He also always found cute to see his firm ass with that stubby tail above it.

 

The gila went on to reposition the fan so it would be blowing wind at them. It was when he noticed the messages on his charging phone.

 

And also when he remembered what he had forgotten:

 

If Leo had decided to sleep only a couple of hours, then continue his drive, he would be arriving any time now.

 

“Ah, fuck,” Flynn said.

 

“What?” TJ asked, looking over his shoulder.

 

“Leo might be arriving in the middle of the night or tomorrow morning.”

 

He could immediately see TJ’s ears drooping.

 

“Oh, heck.”

 

“Exactly,” Flynn said.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


It had been a long trip during that final stretch of road, and Leo’s neck hurt. By now, he would sleep on the floor if he needed to.

 

He couldn’t really sleep at the hotel. Especially when he woke up to someone trying to get into his room. Sadly, he did not possess a Colorado firearm license, so he couldn’t take his guns from Arizona.

 

After he scared whoever was on the other side away, he decided to just suck it up and drive all the way to Pueblo.

 

Finding the right address was a little tough, but he managed to do it. It helped that he recognized Flynn’s Dodge truck parked right in front of the apartment block. Leo parked his own minivan on the nearest available space - on the same street’s far end - and walked to the right place with a large duffel bag slung over his left shoulder, going upstairs, while keeping his eyes fixed on his phone to not knock at the wrong number. He still had the correct address saved from a message Flynn had sent the last time.

 

It was twelve past midnight, after all.

 

He found the right door and debated if he should risk bothering his friends or not. But both the sore shoulders and neck he had, and the fact he knew he had bothered his friends more than once in the past, the wolf figured it would be worth getting Flynn’s hostile glare for a few days.

 

He rang the doorbell once, twice. Much to his surprise, he could hear some shuffling behind the door. His ears twitched and, soon enough, one of the lights inside turned on. He heard two voices inside, one was clearly Flynn.

 

After what felt like an eternity, the door flew open.

 

There he was. Wearing only his boxers, so Leo could see all the muscle that the gila had put on in the past years, stood Flynn. The gila seemed really bothered by having to get out of bed after midnight. But a small whiff of the air and Leo could pick up the characteristic scent of semen, faintly masked by soap and toothpaste.

 

He likely had interrupted something else and Flynn tried to hide it with a quick shower and brushing his teeth.

 

“Pull the futon to unfold it into a bed. Take a shower first - you’re smelling like the floor of the Smoke Room and I ain’t cleanin’ it after ya.”

 

“Good to see you too.” Leo said with some sarcasm. Flynn closed the door and locked it. Without another word, the lizard walked back to his and TJ’s bedroom and closed the door.

 

Despite the underlying hostility, Leo fought the urge to laugh: His arrival was even more inconvenient than if he had just woken them up.

 

 _‘Al menos uno de nosotros es amado,’_ Leo thought, his smile quickly vanished at the thought.

 

The wolf sighed and put his bag down on the futon, then fished out a light tank top and comfortable shorts. He also picked up his toothbrush and his own shampoo, so as to not use his hosts’. He decided to go take a shower and go straight to sleep.

 

In the bathroom, Leo figured he would message his father saying he had arrived safely. He still dreaded the fact that he would be living with Jenna for a while - while she said it was alright for a short time, he still could tell there was some bad blood between them: Jenna seemed slightly annoyed at him last time he spent a few days with them. But she also often had a look of pity when she thought he didn’t see.

 

Meanwhile, Leo would never forget some things she and Chase did. He knew he was an awful boyfriend, but he didn’t deserve what they did to him.

 

It was like people didn’t think he could feel.

 

Then again, he was guilty of being an insensitive asshole to his friends as well. Chase and Flynn, especially.

 

Leo figured that maybe it was karma as he made use of the toilet - he really needed to go.

 

His thoughts shifted to the fact he would soon need to find a job. In the state the economy was, it would be hard, but he had to try.

 

As he reached for the toilet paper, the wolf decided to leave all these thoughts and worries for the next day. He would, for now, take a shower, message his dad, and go to sleep.

 

Tomorrow, his new life would begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used: I Am Mine, by Pearl Jam.


	42. Welcome To Your New Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chase is finally coming to terms that he will either have to learn how to live as an adult and move on from the past... or end up like some of the patients in his ward that were there for decades.
> 
> Leo realizes even with his skills, it's tough to get a job outside a small town. He realizes he might either have to settle for something way below his level or ask for help from his friends.
> 
> And someone else also contemplates her next step into the unknown, but with optimism.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here, finally!
> 
> Still kinda of drifiting on and off the mood to write. Since this stupid pandemic got here, I usually get home from work, shower and go straight to bed.
> 
> Once more, thanks to my boyfriend for quickly proofreading it.

**Welcome to Your New Life**

 

“Very well, Mr. Hunter… had your case been anywhere close of what I thought it would be, I would still be trying to focus on managing your supposed second personality. But we both know it is not that simple, as sad as it is.”

 

Chase sighed and nodded. His own therapist seemed at a loss on what to do with him.

 

From what he had managed to figure out, she was merely trying to help him cope with his newfound freedom to be responsible for himself. He cherished being in control, but it still made everything feel overwhelming.

 

“Is the medication working?” The owl’s voice brought the otter back to the matter at hand.

 

“Yes… I’ve been sleeping much better, thanks.”

 

“Good. How are your interactions with your parents?”

 

“I…” Chase averted meeting the shrink’s piercing gaze, suddenly appearing to be interested by the few items over her desk. He idly scratched his growing shaggy beard. “I think they finally realized there’s something screwed up with me. That I’m not the Chase they knew all these years.”

 

“It must have been quite the shock. I know most people tend to resist accepting such drastic changes in life.”

 

“Well, that’s kinda obvious, doc. It’s just… to be fair, I see most of the people that have been with me for all these years as strangers, more or less.”

 

For once, Carla seemed to change her expression. Chase noticed the barest hint of aversion in her gaze. But as soon as it emerged, it was gone - the owl was back to glaring at him.

 

He wished he had that kind of self-control.

 

“It… might be more or less the same feeling they have. I have heard Ms. Begay tried to engage you in a conversation. From what I hear, it did not bear much fruit. Do you mind telling me what happened?”

 

“Heh,” Chase now felt as bitter as he was when he woke up in the hospital: what could he do? What could he say?

 

“Like I said, doc… we’re strangers to each other now. It’s… complicated. It’s awkward. And don’t tell me that when my former friends see me, they don’t have - in the back of their thoughts - the tiniest hint of ‘hey, this is the dude that killed Sydney and nearly killed Flynn.’ I… I can’t bear that. I mean…”

 

Chase sighed. “Even if they forgave me, I feel like crap over it. I mean, heck, doctor, it’s over! Even I accepted it. Why… why can’t she? I can tell she wants to ask me about all that crap that happened all these years I wasn’t myself. I…” Chase looked down. “I just wanna forget all of that and move on… I don’t hate them. Any of them. I just… I need to be by myself. I wanna do somethin’ different, but I dunno what.”

 

“Start again from zero, so to speak?” Carla picked up the clipboard she had on her desk and wrote something on it that Chase couldn’t see - she always kept setting it face-down when done.

 

“I think the term is ‘triggering’? I can’t help it, doc. Seeing them… or talking with them… it brings memories of them spending time with a stranger while calling my name. It’s surreal… and I feel jealous of myself and I resent them for not knowing it _wasn’t_ me - even though it sorta _was_ me. I can’t really explain…”

 

“I see. Hmm…” The owl rubbed where her chin would be, seemingly in thought.

 

“Yet, Jenna deserves so much more than this crap friend who keeps avoiding her or acting dismissive… even when I don’t want it, I screw things up.”

 

“I believe you are giving yourself too much credit, Mr. Hunter. I am not saying that you are fully innocent, but there are other factors at play in your particular situation. However, taking in consideration the progress you have made, and what interactions you have with patients and staff, I need to ask you: Do you believe you are ready to face the outside world? To _actually_ be responsible for yourself?”

 

“I…” Chase looked down again. Was he?

 

He didn’t think so. However, he knew that the more time he spent in the institution, the more he would grow institutionalized. He had met people who spent so long locked up - on courts orders in the case - that they were simply unfit to go out anymore.

 

It was something even Jenna mentioned in passing once or twice.

 

Chase dreaded to imagine himself growing old while still watching the sun dawn from between barred windows in a place that smelled overwhelmingly like a mix of musk, piss, and disinfectant.

 

“I’ll be honest with you, doc… I don’t know. But I’m willing to try.”

 

“Hmm…” Carla picked the clipboard back up and wrote something down. “That is all the time we have for today, Mr. Hunter. You are free to go back to the ward.”

 

“Doc, does it mean I’m getting out?” Chase asked, his voice trembling a little. He felt hopeful, yet, anxious.

 

“That, Mr. Hunter,” the owl tented her taloned fingers, “is for me and the other professionals to decide.”

 

The otter felt his hopes deflate. He had to school his features to not cry then and there, though his eyes started welling with tears and his lips trembled. He still managed to mumble an ‘okay, doc,’ and left.

 

Chase walked out of the office and made his way back to his bed - there wasn’t much else to do but play his portable games or read. He could try working out, but he frankly didn’t have the energy and he observed the other patients who did had the orderlies keep a close watch on them.

 

Likely, afraid they would be having a psychotic fit or just get aggressive. The otter didn’t know.

 

He saw Jenna walk by. She didn’t seem to notice him, however and he was glad - the fennec was busy talking to another patient - a middle-aged opossum that believed she was some kind of countess. Chase did talk to her before - despite living in the wrong century, she was very polite.

 

Even if her english was a tad too refined for him to fully get what she spoke.

 

Jenna entered her shared office with Carla, and the owl walked out. She did that thing Chase always considered a little freaky - turning her head around like she would unscrew it out - to look around the ward. He noticed her stare lingering a little longer on him, before she turned her body to match where her gaze now rested - at the door leading to the next ward, with the more grave cases - and walked out of Chase’s field of vision.

 

The otter sighed again and tried reading a little. He couldn’t focus, however, and ended up just using his book as a barrier against his surroundings, knowing even the other patients rarely bothered him if he appeared to be focused on whatever he had been reading.

 

He hoped the shrinks would decide to let him go. He was tired of idling there. He knew it would be tough to get another job outside - his former boss, when learned about his suicide attempt, still fired him. He didn’t get that month’s paycheck even though he had worked most of it.

 

His parents tried talking to the old bulldog on that matter, but he wouldn’t budge. Chase confessed that to Jenna and even to the Doctor. While both were indignant, there was little they could do.

 

It all wouldn’t look good on his record: Mental illness was a red flag for most prospective employers.

 

They didn’t even care what kind it was.

 

The next week flew by and Chase did talk about these concerns with the doctor: Carla had asked him again if he wanted out and he told her ‘no.’ Then clarified by explaining he wouldn’t be able to get a job if people asked his former employers.

 

Carla seemed to ponder the matter a little and asked him if he would want to leave if she found a way to not have his reputation ruined by ‘being fired for being crazy’ as Chase told her then. He scoffed at it, but agreed he would.

 

“Leave that to me,” was all the owl said.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


It still took almost a week for Chase to be considered good enough to go out.

 

Chase enjoyed feeling the warmth of the sun on his body and the smell of morning air, made slightly crisp by the arid climate of Pueblo. Even with the usual smell of exhaust fumes all towns had, he enjoyed it.

 

It was the smell of freedom.

 

The otter’s parents were there to pick him up. They did exchange a few words, then Chase asked them to wait in the car. He still needed to talk to Jenna.

 

It did not escape him that Carla followed his parents and was also having a lengthy conversation with them.

 

Jenna was there, standing by the asylum’s doors. There was a hint of a sad smile on her muzzle and she was leaning on the wall with her arms crossed. Chase walked up to the fox and stopped in front of her. He took a deep breath and hoped it would go well:

 

“Thanks for everything, Jenna.”

 

“Yeah… don’t mention it.” Her smile broadened for a split-second, but Chase could tell she had been struggling to keep her ears perked up.

 

“Listen, ah, it’s nothing personal. It’s just… remember what I told you in the hospital?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Yeah…” Chase repeated, “I… I don’t hate you. I still like you. It’s just… I’m no good to you guys. And… well, you all remind me of stuff I’d rather forget.”

 

“I know.” Jenna sighed and uncrossed her arms. Her ears lowered and she was finally showing how she felt. “I wish things could be different, Chase…”

 

What Chase said next came out wrong. He didn’t like it: “Like if I were the guy that all of you knew for thirteen years?”

 

Jenna snapped her gaze back at his face, eyes wide open and ears perked up. She opened her mouth, but Chase decided to cut her off:

 

“Sorry, I mean… if I were me that time as well? It’s just all so… it’s so screwed up. I just… I just need to figure out who I am now. And reminders of these years…”

 

“I know,” this time Jenna had been the one who cut him off. Chase saw her head hang low and she let out a small sigh, before looking at him with a forced smile. “We’ll be alright. Even if you’re the new, better Chase-”

 

“Heh,” Chase chuckled.

 

“-I’ll still miss you.”

 

“I know. I miss you guys too. But there’s some things that just can’t be fixed.”

 

“Yeah, Flynn said the same. I think someone else told him that - he said it like he was quoting it…” Jenna trailed off and they both realized how Chase’s mood soured at the reminder of Flynn.

 

Chase would never lose the feeling of shame and remorse whenever he saw the gila or TJ.

 

“Well… take care of yourself, Jenna.” He forced a smile and they briefly hugged.

 

“See you around, Chase.” The fennec licked her lips and Chase could see her own eyes were starting to well with tears. He felt the same.

 

“Not likely. But who knows?”

 

“Yeah…” Jenna took a deep breath. They both remained in silence for a second - one second that seemed to last like an eternity.

 

“Goodbye, Jenna.”

 

“Bye, Chase.”

 

The otter turned to walk away. His legs felt wobbly and he fought the urge to cry.

 

It was a feeling of happiness mixed with unease. He was finally going back to take control of his own life, but simultaneously stepping into new territory.

 

When he reached the gates, the otter turned around and waved at Jenna. She smiled and waved back. Chase then nodded and entered the back of his parents small SUV.

 

As he also said his goodbyes and his thanks to the owl who had treated him, Chase realized that it would be alright in the end.

 

The car drove off and the otter idly wondered how he could break the news to his mother that he had started smoking while in the asylum.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


It was the fifth time Leo heard a ‘no’ in the past two hours. While the wolf knew getting a job would be tough, he didn’t expect to be nearly impossible. By now, Leo decided to take a break at the first cheap burger joint he could see and, once done eating, see if they are accepting applications.

 

He would have tried for something in retail, but even them seemed to not be hiring at that moment. He couldn’t play on his experience with fixing vehicles or trucking either: Both markets were saturated in Pueblo.

 

The young wolf started to wonder if maybe leaving Echo had not been a wise decision after all. If he had to be honest, Leo didn’t like losing what was familiar. He wasn’t fond of changes - unless he had been the one to enact them.

 

Even though Jenna wasn’t rude to him, Leo didn’t like the awkward way everyone would behave whenever he arrived at the end of the day, dejected, and shaking his head whenever someone asked if he managed to get a job.

 

He had some money left over and offered to turn it in as a gesture of good will - he hoped they wouldn’t accept - and was surprised when Jenna was the first to object it.

 

The fennec argued that it wouldn’t be fair to him. While Leo was thankful, his conscience still nagged him for being selfish.

 

Speaking of conscience and selfishness, he never figured things would be so awkward when talking to Flynn in person. Leo would sometimes wonder if Flynn had told TJ or Jenna about the little arrangement they had… and how Leo acted through it.

 

The wolf sighed. He knew that his fear of being exposed by Flynn pretty much meant he was a coward. He didn’t like that feeling.

 

Leo finished the burger he had been eating and paid the tab.

 

Upon spotting the employee, Leo realized times must have been pretty difficult, considering it wasn’t a teenager - but a twenty-something years old porcupine that had been at the register. She was a little overweight and seemed tired.

 

After a brief inquiry, Leo received his sixth ‘no’ - the porcupine simply pointed to a small sign that read ‘We are NOT hiring.’ 

 

He shrugged and muttered his half-assed ‘thanks’ before walking out.

 

As he made way to his van, he felt his phone buzzing in the pocket of his jeans. His ears perked up and he decided to first enter his car to then check his messages. He didn’t feel like trying to squint in order to read his messages under Pueblo’s bright sun.

 

_From: Flynn_

_Listen, I’ve been thinking… have you found a job yet?_

 

Leo sighed and typed his answer:

 

_To: Flynn_

_no :/_

 

_From: Flynn_

_I see. Like I said, I’ve been thinking that maybe we could work something out. I’m still not sure yet, so I’ll tell you more tonight when I get home from picking TJ up after my training._

 

‘Intrigued’ would be the perfect word to describe how Leo felt about it. Despite texting Flynn asking what he had in mind, the gila said he wouldn’t tell right now because he didn’t want to get Leo’s hopes up for nothing ‘like ya did back in Echo.’

 

 _‘Heh, sigue molesto conmigo…’_ Leo thought as the old feelings of guilt sent a shiver across his spine.

 

He didn’t blame Flynn, though. But dreaded the near-certainty that they would eventually have to talk that over fully. And probably - if Flynn haven’t told anyone - open up to the possibility more people would have to know of his more unpleasant sides.

 

Their exchange ended up with Leo simply agreeing to meet them that evening and discuss if Flynn’s idea - whatever it was - would work out or not.

 

Meanwhile, he would still try to apply for a job anywhere. He could always look the last two of the town’s three shopping malls. He had gone through one of them before, now the next from the list would be the one where Flynn worked as a security guard in.

 

With some luck, he could be hired by one of their stores… or maybe a fast food joint. Then he would be able to get his friends to stop looking at him with pity.

 

As he started his minivan’s engine, the wolf figured that would be exactly what he’d have to do.

 

Needless to say, that didn’t turn out well either: No stores were hiring. Leo started getting desperate and even tried going for a bookstore that also sold comics (both normal and the kind Jenna liked). He spoke with the clerk there - a cute-looking snow leopard - but it was clear that he wouldn’t get a job there: It wasn’t up his alley.

 

Of course the clerk made a few passes at him, but Leo turned him down: He wasn’t in the mood to be with someone yet.

 

After he left, the wolf wandered around a little, though he couldn’t shake off the impression of being followed by this massively obese security guard. He appeared to be some sort of lizard, with dark and light scales covering him in a rather unique and even interesting pattern.

 

Still, he could just be coincidentally on his patrol route. Leo couldn’t tell where the fatass mall cop was looking at, since he wore mirrored aviators.

 

That was until he stopped for long enough for the lizard to get closer. Then Leo noticed that the guard was _clearly_ checking him out.

 

 _‘Puta que lo parió, hoy no podría ser peor. Diós…’_ Leo thought to himself.

 

“Don’t mind me, just browsing, thanks.” The guard said in an accent Leo couldn’t quite pick up. There was something closer to his own, but not quite there - the pitch was slightly lower.

 

He chuckled and walked off, though Leo felt something softly brush against his tail - was the lizard’s own.

 

Instantly, he felt the familiar heat he had whenever he started getting angry.

 

 _“Pendejo,”_ he murmured and decided to stay there. He knew the lizard heard him - he stopped and looked over his shoulder.

 

But that was a look of amusement. Did he understand? Leo decided to cut his losses: He could allow himself to show his anger more clearly if he weren’t trying to turn a new leaf.

 

And fighting a security guard in his friend’s workplace - meaning he would be literally beating one of Flynn’s coworkers - wouldn’t be a good idea.

 

 _“Cuidado con lo que dices, amigo.”_ The lizard finally said, and walked off while letting out a low, deep chuckle.

 

The wolf decided to leave after that. Oddly enough, he couldn’t see Flynn anywhere in the mall.

 

Though he had heard TJ mentioning at some point a few nights ago that he started to also perform administrative tasks for the security working there.

 

Flynn instructed him to get a firearm license with the sheriff if he wanted to get paid a bit more. Though the gila was also quick to say he wouldn’t trust Leo with a gun.

 

Just like Flynn to gently stroke you before slapping. But Leo was not in his territory now, so he had to take it.

 

That and, seeing how the gila looked like now, Leo started having his doubts that he would just hit Flynn unpunished. Then again, the gila rarely fought back - size meant nothing.

 

Otherwise, that fatass creep he just ran into would be able to steamroll him. Leo laughed at the thought of being floored by a middle-aged lizard big enough to be a sumo wrestler.

 

Later that night, the wolf sat on the futon, watching the television when he heard the familiar sound of keys clinking. His ears twitched and he heard the conversations: Flynn and Jenna arrived at the same time.

 

“-So he really thought he was Jesus fuckin’ Christ?” The gila snorted.

 

“Yeah,” Jenna said as she walked in, briefly stopping her tale with a quick ‘hello, Leo,’ before continuing: “then Carla and I decided to place him in the same room with another guy who thought he was Jesus.”

 

“Huh, did they fight or some shit?” The gila walked in, carrying two plastic grocery bags with a few vegetables and shampoo.

 

“Nah, nothing of such. Each thought he was Jesus and the other was a crazy guy. But it was pretty cordial. Still, we labelled the experiment as ‘inconclusive.’”

 

“I see.” They were quiet. Likely, the two of them thought of the same thing Leo was thinking currently:

 

_¿Y cuanto a Chase?_

 

As if to answer the unspoken question, Jenna’s ears drooped and she pulled one of the dining table chairs and took a seat. The fennec hummed for a second.

 

“Chase’s got out today. His parents picked him up.”

 

Flynn had been storing the vegetables away and Leo noticed how he became stiff for a moment, clenching his jaw shut. Just as it came, the gila relaxed soon after - but only a little.

 

“So, when are we invitin’ that muskshit over?”

 

Jenna turned to face Flynn in shock, surprise clear on her face, her ears now standing at attention. “Do you _want_ him to visit?”

 

Flynn scoffed and balled the now empty plastic bags together, then opened the cabinet beneath the sink and stored them with the others. “No. But I’m pretty sure you and Leo will.”

 

The vixen let out a snort of her own. It lacked mirth and Leo knew she was bitter about it.

 

“He doesn’t want to see us. Says things are too awkward.”

 

“I see you guys pounded some common sense into that thick head of his.” He turned around and leaned against the sink. “How about ya, Leo?”

 

“Fuck you, Flynn.”

 

“If ya were any good at it and I were single, I’d take you up on that offer.”

 

Jenna looked at them both, her ears now splayed: she was likely thinking on ways to de-escalate the situation, Leo was sure.

 

And, as usual, she would likely side against him.

 

 _‘Ya no estás en casa, Leo,’_ the wolf thought. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Then another. His glare still meeting the gila’s own.

 

The wolf then shrugged. “I don’t wanna see the otter either. It’s over. We talked in the hospital.”

 

Flynn’s features seemed to soften a little. The lizard showed some sympathy - or as close to sympathy as Flynn ever showed to Leo as far as the wolf remembered: “I see…”

 

“Yeah…” Leo concluded.

 

“Well, that de-escalated quickly.” Jenna said with a hint of amusement seeping into her voice. “I’ll go to my room. I need to study.”

 

She passed by the futon, giving one brief glance at Leo, and then walked all the way up the corridor to her room.

 

After Leo heard the sound of the door gently closing, he turned to Flynn once more:

 

“Didn’t she already graduate?”

 

The gila undid his equipment belt and laid it on the table, sighing in relief. “Yeah. But she seeks a doctorate now. I think she’s aiming for a masters degree to then get a PhD or PsyD or whatever - she talked about that with Teej before… why the fuckin’ smalltalk about her college?”

 

Leo briefly pinned his ears back, before forcing them upright again. _“Puchica!_ I just wanted to know how you guys were doin’, that’s all.”

 

“Hm,” Flynn pushed from the counter and took the seat that had been used by Jenna, facing Leo. His tail curled around the chair’s four wooden legs. “There’s still some unsolved shit between us. Ya know that.”

 

There was no room for Leo to deny it. Especially with how the gila simply stated it.

 

“Yeah…”

 

Leo worried briefly that Flynn would start digging into the whole deal they had between them.

 

It took a while for Leo to admit to himself that he was the one who fucked up. Both with Chase and with Flynn.

 

The gila brought the wolf back from his reverie:

 

“If ya think I’m gonna throw this on your fuckin’ face, I ain’t gonna do it. Make no fuckin’ mistake: I still feel like shit over that. But I suppose I should thank ya. It helped me realize that just a good fuck doesn’t mean shit sometimes. Even though the word ‘good’ should be used very loosely when it applies to what we did. Ya were lousy in bed, Leo.”

 

“Alright, I know I fucked up, but that doesn’t give ya the right to-” Leo started responding, now finally raising his voice, but Flynn raised one of his large hands to signal him to let him finish.

 

“However, I’m not gonna indulge ya with this. That’s in the past for me now. I…” Flynn licked his lips and his features softened, “I love Toby. He loves me. Heh… I never thought I’d say that about someone… or that someone would say that to me. But we’re together now. And I’m happy with that. So I should thank ya, ‘cause, seein’ how you and Chase ended up, I’d hate if that had been me.”

 

The words stung Leo. Hard enough to make his anger dissipate and slowly be replaced by regret.

 

Leo sunk his face into his paws and sighed. He then looked back up at Flynn, his face showing an expression of exhaustion and defeat.

 

“So, that’s gonna be our closure on the subject, eh?” Leo asked in a low voice.

 

“No. My closure happened the moment I kissed Toby. If ya need closure about it, then that’s too bad - I decided to do what Jenna kept urging me to do and move on. I learned from my fuck-ups. Now… heh,” Flynn seemed genuinely amused, “now ya know how it’s like to be me. Ain’t it fuckin’ nice?”

 

Leo huffed and leaned all the way back into the futon, looking up at the ceiling. The wood and metal creaked slightly, but the piece of furniture was sturdy enough to stand more than the wolf’s weight.

 

“With all of that in mind, I decided to help ya. Same way Teej, Jenna, or even my boss did with me. Be thankful to whatever ya believe in that I decided to treat others the way I’d like to be treated and all this shit. What I mean is: I did put in a word to my boss. About ya.”

 

Flynn walked to Leo and reached into his back pocket, then tossed a small folded sheet of A4 paper on the wolf’s lap. Leo’s ears perked up a little and he unfolded it.

 

“So, Friday, seven in the morning?” Leo looked up from what he read back at Flynn. The gila had retrieved his utility belt and was going around the futon to his shared room with TJ.

 

“And not one minute late. Luiz likes punctual men.”

 

“Luiz?” Something started clicking in Leo’s head. Where did he hear that name before, when associated with Flynn?

 

“Yeah, Luiz Maldonado. Don’t ask me about his fuckin’ middle-name, despite him often saying it like ya did back in school. He’s my boss and the main owner of the Guardian Angels Security.”

 

“Ah. Just out of curiosity… what does he look like?”

 

“Hm?” Flynn was now at the door. “Big fat lizard. Black-and-white tegu. I told ya before, Leo. Why?”

 

Leo’s heart sank. “Uh… nothin’ really, was just curious. Thanks, Flynn.”

 

“Hm.” The lizard shrugged and went into his and TJ’s room, closing the door with his tail.

 

 _‘Puchica! Puta que lo parió! Yo y mi gran bocota…!’_ Leo thought, trying to resist the urge to punch himself in the face. He opted for simply facepalming instead.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


She walked around the apartment that had been her residence for the past eleven years.

 

Eleanor was not easily attached to places, but she still liked to take in a last glance at what used to be her home. She had done the same when she moved out to live and study Automotive Engineering in Kyoto for four years, and once more when she left it to work with the current stunts company that employed her in Amsterdam.

 

It really didn’t make much difference to the goat doe where she lived: Stunts performers still travelled a lot, all over the world.

 

So it wouldn’t be a big deal to move back to the US.

 

It wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision: Eleanor and Carl had talked extensively about it: The cute chubby ram told that, as soon as he set up his own place, she could drop by whenever she liked. She had taken him up to his offer a few times.

 

But each stay found itself more pleasant, and each farewell hurt more. Both of the caprines.

 

Eleanor never wanted to enter a serious relationship: She was a wild party girl, like her brother was before her ( _‘in a way, he still is,’_ she reminded herself with a chuckle).

 

Yet, when Carl commented it was kinda lonely in his apartment and asked if she wouldn’t like to move in to the free bedroom he had, she took him up on that offer.

 

Most of her old furniture and appliances would stay and be sold with the apartment. The entire thing was sold at an loss: Eleanor didn’t need the money. Only the stuff she liked was already flown to the US. Alongside her older, restored WWII Zündapp KS 750 motorcycle (though she had painted it red, instead of the original olive green - unlike her car, a bike couldn’t be made ‘death proof’, so she would rather be seen at night).

 

Smiling, the female ibex goat wondered if Carl would enjoy going about on its sidecar - when she slapped it back on the bike, of course, since she herself preferred room to maneuver when riding a motorcycle.

 

Her phone buzzed and she picked it up and read the message:

 

_From: Ramdatrams_

_hey babe, u comin tonite?_

 

Eleanor chuckled at the ease she could make it a double entendre. She licked her lips - tongue lingering on the large scar she had running across her muzzle - and typed her reply:

 

_To: Ramdatrams_

_i intend to. With ur help, of course ;3_

 

_From: Ramdatrams_

_sweet! I’ll pick u up at the airport._

 

_To: Ramdatrams_

_no need. Gonna pay for someone to fly me from denver 2 pueblo. Mr. Bones is waiting at the airport parking lot._

 

_From: Ramdatrams_

_“Mr. Bones”?_

 

_To: Ramdatrams_

_my death proof car. Know, cause it has dat goat skull n crossbones on the hood._

 

_From: Ramdatrams_

_ah, ok. See u later. :*_

 

_To: Ramdatrams_

_seeya. We’ll have so much fun~ <3 <3 <3 (either hearts or ice cream cones - ur call) _

 

Eleanor smiled and pocketed her phone. She tossed her rucksack over her shoulder and left her apartment for the last time, making sure to lock the door and go downstairs to the waiting cab. And out to her new life.

 

She felt the same thrill she had when about to perform some real dangerous stunt: That thrill of going into the unknown, but aware of how great it will feel when it all works out in the end.

 

And why wouldn’t they? She was a Maitland, after all.


	43. Just Another Day...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Leo's first day on the job! Watch as he goes through an awkward job interview and he and Flynn juggle the increasing insanity they deal with.
> 
> Meanwhile, we take a small peek at how Chase's recovery is going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An immense thank you to Tokger for helping me with my rusty Spanish. Otherwise, i'd write with Brazilian Portuguese grammar. It's the first time since I was 12 that I actually wrote more than one or two phrases in Spanish ^^;
> 
> I also thank my boyfriend for proofreading it as always.
> 
> I might really slow down. Both because this pandemic is making me terrified for my own life, but because of the latent political instability in my country. The president and his supporters might start a military coup to put the far-right military regime back in power and, frankly, I am scared. So if I go incomunicado... well... y'know what happened.
> 
> Now, without further ado...

**Just Another Day...**

 

Leo sighed and looked at the clock hanging on the wall right outside Security Chief Maldonado’s office, well inside the cool concrete walls of the G.A.S. building.

 

Flynn had accompanied him that morning, considering the KWest Mall was just on the other side of the block. The gila gave him a few pointers: Like ignoring the fat tegu’s scars (even though Flynn conceded that Luiz usually wore long-sleeved uniform shirts at work to cover them), not trying to talk to him about his times before living in the US and not trying to bullshit the old lizard.

 

Ultimately, before departing, the last advice Flynn gave was to ‘no matter what happens, remain calm and do as the old man says.’

 

Despite everything that Flynn had said before, Leo still felt somewhat grateful that the lizard did that favor for him. He recognized it wasn’t a small gesture. The rest of that day had been uneventful. Same as the next two before the day of his interview.

 

To be honest, Leo wanted to give a more sincere apology. But what would he say? He at least said he was sorry.

 

Then again, the gila did tell him to just move on from it.

 

The wolf still felt like shit whenever he noticed how close Flynn and TJ had become: Not because he hoped to have anything with either of them, but because he wanted to have something like that for himself.

 

And, for years, he thought it was the kind of relationship he had with Chase.

 

“Leonardo Alvarez?” Luiz had walked out of his office and looked the wolf straight in the eye. Now Leo could see his glare without the mirrored aviator sunglasses shielding them.

 

The tegu’s eyes were dark brown, but not dark enough that he couldn’t see his pupils shrinking enough under the strong industrial lights hanging on the corridor to become the typical reptilian vertical slits. The wolf felt as if he were being stared down by a predator.

 

Even though Leo was sure he would be able to wipe the floor with the fat old man if it came to that.

 

 _“Vamos,”_ the tegu said and turned around, briefly looking down at Leo’s resume in his hand, then walking inside his office without another word. Leo followed him.

 

The wolf was about to take a seat when the fat security guard, who seemed very interested in his resume, spoke:

 

 _“No te he dicho que puedes sentarte.”_ Luiz’s tone was flat, but he did not take his eyes off Leo’s resume.

 

“Ah…” If the phrase itself hadn’t shocked Leo, he would have noticed the tegu’s Spanish was a little odd: he spoke with an accent - being from El Salvador, Leo knew he had heard someone talking like that before, but could not recall where. Peru? Chile? Argentina?

 

Maybe he was one of these weird folks who lived in the Brazilian border and spoke both languages. Maybe from either Paraguay or Brazil.

 

Leo realized the tegu was now looking at him.

 

_“Cierra la puerta.”_

 

The wolf scrambled to do as he had been told. As soon as his ears twitched at the clicking noise of the door’s lock sliding shit, the tegu ordered him again, briefly gesturing to the free chair in front of his desk: _“Siéntate.”_

 

And, thus, the interview started.

 

At first, things were more or less normal. The tegu barely moved while asking the usual: Where he worked before, how were his experiences, etcetera.

 

Then it came the questions for which Leo hadn’t been ready for:

 

_“Mhm… ahora dime: ¿Cómo reaccionarías ante una provocación?”_

 

_“Uh, con calma y paciencia, creo.”_

 

“Hm.” The tegu leaned back against the massive, vintage leather office chair he sat on. It barely made a noise under his weight. It reminded Leo of the one he had seen in an immigration agent’s office when he was very little - large, sturdy and made whoever sat on them look like a man in charge.

 

_“¿Cómo reaccionaste cuando señor Moore fue grosero con tu ex? No mientas, señor Alvarez.”_

 

Leo definitely wasn’t ready for this question. Just _how much_ did the tegu know about him?

 

His heart started beating faster, and the wolf felt the familiar heat of anger welling up within him.

 

But he had to control himself. He forced his ears to stay upright.

 

_“Éramos jóvenes e idiotas… ah, yo… creo que he madurado.”_

 

The tegu let out another unimpressed ‘hm’ and seemed to think of something else to ask:

 

_“Última pregunta: ¿Por qué quieres ser vigilante?”_

 

Well, if Leo had to be honest: He didn’t want to. He simply had no other choice.

 

Of course, he didn’t need to have a college degree to know it wouldn’t be a good idea to say that during a job interview. Especially when it looked like the interviewer wasn’t very disposed towards him.

 

“Hm…” Leo hummed as his ears splayed briefly, before he forced them back up. He tried to buy time to think on a good answer.

 

_“¡Vamos, hombre, conteste que te he preguntado! ¿Por qué quieres ser vigilante? ¿Te gusta la gente? ¿Te gusta ayudar a los otros? ¿Quieres tener autoridad pero puedes ser polícia?”_

 

Finally, Leo lost his patience. While he did not have any violent outburst, he actually asked back:

 

_“Pues… porque es un trabajo. ¿Y tu?”_

 

Luiz smirked, then opened a broad grin that Leo didn’t like.

 

He had grown used with Flynn’s sneering or brooding expressions. It wasn’t that reptile smiles creeped him out (like how Flynn seemed to believe), there was just something a little… off about the old tegu’s grin. It didn’t reach his eyes, for one.

 

Leo had been around the wrong crowd of people long enough during his early adulthood to know it was the smile of these who liked to inflict pain. Even so, nothing could prepare him for the answer that came:

 

_“Porque si no fuese un vigilante, sería un asesino.”_

 

The wolf’s ears drooped and he fought the urge to keep his tail down and close to his body. The tegu kept his glare locked on Leo’s. He then flicked his long, bifurcated tongue - pink, but slightly yellowed from cigarette smoking - and let out a low chuckle.

 

It quickly evolved into a loud guffaw. Deep and slightly gravelly in the way Leo knew were likely caused by years of chain-smoking. The tegu slapped his hand against his large, dark oak table, before raising it to Leo and calming himself down.

 

Leo had no idea what he did miss. Eventually, the security chief in front of him took a deep breath and, with an amused smirk, finally responded:

 

_“Ahahahah… ahhh… estoy jodiendo contigo, chico. Estás contratado.”_

 

It took all of Leo’s self-control to not sigh in relief. But he felt himself relaxing. So, he was hired and his new boss was some kind of joker, apparently.

 

The tegu opened a few drawers and pulled out some papers. They were both in English and Spanish.

 

Leo quickly went on to fill them in under the tegu’s silent watch. Then he turned the sheets of paper around to the lizard, who briefly skimmed through them and nodded, before signing and stamping them (Leo didn’t believe some people still used the old-style wooden stamps, instead of the usual plastic ones that had their own ink pad inside).

 

After that, they shook paws (or would it be ‘hands’? Leo never figured the right nomenclature for reptilian paws) and the wolf was informed he would be starting in one week, but to show up for his training that Sunday. He would be working at the same same shift and place as Flynn.

 

To say Leo was a little unnerved by the interview still would be an understatement: He really did not like the tegu’s grin before he answered his question.

 

By the time he was inside his minivan, the wolf reasoned that it could be worse: While the tegu carried a rather impressive revolver, he could also be unstable like Brian or wicked like Clint.

 

_O impulsivo como yo._

 

Immediately, the hint of smile that had been forming on Leo’s muzzle was gone.

 

With a sigh, the wolf started the engine and fastened his seatbelt. He at least would have a job, for now.

 

It still saddened him somewhat that he would have no Chase to be happy for him when he heard the news. He knew that he could always contact him, but it wasn’t _his_ Chase.

 

Besides, Leo knew he had done enough damage already.

 

At least, Flynn and TJ might be genuinely happy. Maybe even Jenna would.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


That he wouldn’t have kept his job was unsurprising. Chase knew even the most benevolent boss would hardly keep a slot open for when he left the asylum.

 

However, that Mr. Peterson wouldn’t give Chase his last paycheck - despite the otter having worked a full month and a few days before hanging - was another deal.

 

Chase needed the money. His parents were in dire straits and he himself needed both to help them and himself. At least, until he figured out his next step.

 

Once in a while, he would still go see Dr. Sanderson. The owl would listen to him and give a few hints and advice here and there, but there was little that could be done.

 

Unless he wanted to spend more money on lawyers than he would ever earn in the first place.

 

He would look for a job, but the otter was still sorting through ‘his’ things that were in his parents’ place, discarding a few that brought particularly bad memories or had nothing to do with him.

 

Chase didn’t feel like looking for a job by the time he had gone halfway through ‘his’ stuff. The otter laid down in bed and sighed, looking straight up at the ceiling.

 

Right now, he still just wanted to finish his own journey to find himself.

 

And, no matter how much others helped him, Chase knew he was ultimately the only one who could change his life for the better.

 

Maybe he would give himself just another day of rest and figure what to do later.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Leo had walked in on the break room wearing his new uniform. It felt a little weird and he wasn’t used to the weight of his utility belt. Flynn scooted over to the side on the bench he had been sitting to give room for the wolf to sit.

 

“Alright, everybody, that is Leonardo Alvarez, and he’ll be workin’ with us… for the foreseeable future,” Luiz announced. Flynn seemed indifferent, but the other three guards present: A wheelchair-bound chameleon woman, a woodpecker wearing a dark turban matching his tie, and a tabby cat male all turned to face him and droned on a ‘hello, Alvarez,’ which reminded Leo of being in a classroom.

 

Of course it took him until the next Monday to get to work: To qualify as a security guard, he had to undergo State-approved classes to get a license. The plus side was that Luiz’s own business did them as part of their training for free on new hires.

 

The downside was that it was from dawn to dusk, so the tegu could cram as much information as possible. But considering only two other guys took the classes at G.A.S., Luiz and the large elephant called Angelo that helped him could focus on them.

 

Leo felt proud when he got a grade 8 out of 10 at the exam by the end of the Sunday.

 

He wanted to be an armed guard, so he would be paid more. But Flynn told him he would have to go get a license from the sheriff’s department and, with his classes, Leo didn’t have much free time yet.

 

The wolf figured that he would have to drop by on his first day off to see to it.

 

Flynn also had instructed Leo that it would be ultimately the boss’ decision if he would be armed or not. It was a promotion, in a sense. And he wouldn’t let anyone that were physically, psychologically (or emotionally) unfit to pack heat.

 

Leo saw that as a rather indirect way to inform him that, considering what Luiz knew about his past in Echo, the tegu wouldn’t be too hot on letting Leo carry even a BB gun.

 

Then again, the only armed guards at the mall were Luiz, Flynn, and someone at the nightshift Leo hadn’t met yet. All the others just had expandable batons, mace, stun guns and tasers. One or two brought a small pocket knife or multi-tool since Luiz informed during the training they may have to (very rarely) cut stuff. He didn’t like anyone bringing large or multiple knives to work: It was unnecessary and impractical.

 

So there Leo sat, with all equipment but a small cheap pocket knife he had bought after that lesson about equipment having been supplied by Guardian Angels Security.

 

His new boss was droning on and on about skaters, teenagers, karens (whatever that meant) and small-time drug dealers in the parking lot. Leo had his gaze roughly toward the tegu’s direction, but his mind had been elsewhere.

 

It was when he was brought back to reality by Flynn poking him with his elbow.

 

“Did ya hear what he said about the dealers?”

 

Leo blinked and his ears lowered briefly. Before he could answer, the gila let out a low ‘humph.’

 

“They may be armed. Most likely will. So if there’s any, do _not_ confront ‘em directly. Call the cops if ya see ‘em. Pueblo doesn’t have that many cops, so we’re fuckin’ alone in this for at least one hour after they get called. If shit gets real bad, call Luiz and he’ll figure out what to do.”

 

“Will do.” Leo swallowed. What did he get himself into?

 

Sure, he had dealt with such people before and was still around and kicking. But even with the fucked up things he had heard about Brian or Clint, they were still small town crooks.

 

Leo felt as if he were playing with the big guys now.

 

“This is serious, Leo.” Flynn put his hands on the wolf’s shoulders and forced him to meet his glare. Indeed, the gila had an expression of concern that Leo hadn’t seen in years from him. “Watch your back. We do try to watch over each other, but be ready to save your ass if you’re on your own. Can you do that?”

 

“Alright…” Leo felt his courage starting to leave him. He really wished he had a gun.

 

He was definitely going to get a license and hope the boss would be willing to let him go around armed.

 

Their meeting had ended and Luiz started delegating tasks: Flynn would show Leo around and give him instructions for his first day. Laura Andrews - the chameleon - would be in the CCTV room. Bharata Singh (the woodpecker), and Bernard McNeil (the tabby cat) would be patrolling as normal. Luiz would be in his office doing some paperwork, but would join them on the floor after lunch.

 

His first day went by quickly: Flynn introduced him to other mall workers, the store owners and workers, and went on about the cameras and other security features the mall had.

 

Right on his first day, Leo had to handle an older armadillo throwing a fit over a two dollar discount coupon that had long been expired at the mall’s burger joint, a few unruly skaters (though one of them, a pinscher, broke his skateboard on the mall’s oddly-designed rails by the stairs and got a bruise), and said pinscher skater’s angry middle-aged mother with a Chrysler minivan like Leo’s own. All of these before his lunch break.

 

Flynn mostly watched how he dealt with each situation. The older man was more or less easy to talk down with logic. The skaters more or less worked themselves out after they saw the rails would break their stupid skates - they started tossing shit like soda cans and small pebbles at them, but Flynn radioed for Luiz and they finally stopped and the one who got hurt called his mom.

 

When she showed up, she and Flynn got into a verbal fight (it was surprising to see Flynn act calm and keep his cursing in check), though it amused Leo when she called him a ‘wannabe security guard.’ Even the gila let out a snort and said she should come up with something more original that actually worked.

 

Eventually, Mr. Maitland, the mall owner, was called in. He walked off with the woman and told her something that made her stop in mid-speech.

 

She then just grabbed her son by his paw and they entered her minivan and she drove off.

 

By then, it was time for their lunch break.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Flynn had to admit he had been content with how Leo had been holding up so far. He expected him to go apeshit on the armadillo guy as soon as the old man started to yell at the wolf’s face.

 

That was a good start.

 

If someone asked, Flynn had mixed feelings about the way he had treated Leo as of late: The wolf really had hurt him real bad in the past. And he wasn’t talking about the times he had his ass kicked by Leo. Flynn had discussed it at length with Luiz when he had asked him to at least interview the wolf.

 

The tegu had asked Flynn why he was helping Leo and, truth be told, Flynn still saw him as a friend. And as someone who, like him, was alone for a long time.

 

That didn’t mean he would refrain from being straight-up blunt with Leo. If anything, it could do the wolf some good to have someone finally point out _how_ and _where_ he had fucked up. Flynn had a lot of time to think about it, but Leo didn’t have that luxury.

 

If anything, sometimes Flynn doubted Leo thought at all.

 

He briefly looked at the wolf across the table, calmly eating his lunch. It wasn’t that Leo was retarded (even though he did act like one at times), but the wolf had a shitload of issues.

 

Flynn would have given him a long-delayed apology for making fun of his lack of English skills when they were kids, but it wouldn’t solve shit. Just like how Leo’s texted and half-assed personal apologies didn’t magically heal the gila.

 

Maybe he would later try to discuss that with Jenna and with Luiz. His next session with Carla would be that saturday and he could try to bring that subject up as well.

 

Luiz was eating right across Flynn, and sometimes the lizards would exchange a few words. The gila had the brief impression Leo looked at them in a wistful manner at times, as if he wanted to belong. But every time he tried to butt in on the conversation, the tegu would just grunt in response or give curt, monosyllabic retorts to anything the wolf had said.

 

It was then when Flynn wondered if his approach with Leo would work. He had figured being blunt and tough would help. But even he felt a little bad to see how his former friend looked a bit hurt when Luiz rebuffed him.

 

Eventually, when they were done eating, the gila took his chance to approach Luiz and call him aside.

 

They went to the tegu’s small office at the mall. Luiz half-sat on his desk and crossed his thick arms.

 

“Speak. What’s on your mind, _amigo?”_

 

“I know it might sound fuckin’ odd, but… do ya hate Leo? I mean, you’re kinda rude to him in ways I haven’t seen ya being with the others.”

 

Luiz raised his ridges, then dropped his arms by his side, shrugging. “It’s not that I hate Leo. Not even a dislike, really. Just a small indisposition on my part. Judgin’ by what ya told me, guy’s kind of an asshole. I don’t see him fittin’ well in this job, but I agreed with givin’ him a chance because _you_ asked me..”

 

 _‘Fair enough,’_ Flynn thought to himself with a nod.

 

“But wasn’t I the same when you hired me? I didn’t even get any fuckin’ trainin’ before ya gave me my uniform. And, sorry if I’m bein’ a bit of a cunt now, Luiz, but ya weren’t exactly very pleasant either.”

 

Flynn really hoped he wouldn’t offend or gain the tegu’s enmity. Why lie: He was very fond of the old man. He was different enough to be interesting while sharing enough things in common to be relatable.

 

That and… well, the rest Flynn had pretty much acknowledged by the time he and TJ started dating.

 

The tegu took a deep breath and exhaled in a huff through his nostrils. Flynn felt his lips getting dry and licked them, uncaring that Luiz by now had figured it meant he was anxious.

 

Then the tegu shrugged again.

 

“I’ll do the same thing ya told me when I instructed you to be patient with these fucking soccer moms: I’ll try. But, tell me… do you really want to give him a second chance? I am not criticizin’ ya, I’m just curious.”

 

Flynn licked his lips again. “It’d be hypocritical of me to deny him that, with all the shit I did and went through and Toby still helping me when I needed.”

 

For a moment, Flynn noticed Luiz’s hard features showing a hint of longing sadness. It likely hit a sensitive topic.

 

And the gila knew what the tegu was thinking, for once.

 

“Fair enough, kid. Perhaps I’d be being a hypocritical cunt myself. Ya gave me a lot to think about…” He rubbed his chin in thought, still avoiding to meet Flynn’s gaze - something that indicated he was genuinely reminiscing about his past and thinking about the present. He also did that when nervous.

 

With a sigh, the tegu picked his mirrored aviators from his shirt pocket and put them on. “Let’s go. Lunch is over in nine minutes and ya know how Mr. Maitland gets when we don’t punch in.”

 

The rest of the afternoon ran in a more smoother way. At some time, the tegu approached them and started asking Leo about his first day, what he was thinking, if he had any questions, all the usual things Flynn had seen him inquiring the new hires.

 

At first, Leo seemed defensive, but then he started talking more normally. After a couple of hours, the wolf started relaxing. Especially when the tegu switched to Spanish.

 

For some unfathomable reason, Flynn kept hearing them talking about something called _‘El Chavo.’_ Whatever it was, it was nostalgic and apparently hilarious, considering their chuckles as they talked about it.

 

It was when the end of their shift was approaching that something noteworthy had happened: Some drunk gym bunny (though he was a hare) was getting handsy with girls at the mall. Leo took the initiative and went on to confront him while Flynn watched, slowly approaching so to give the wolf time to solve the issue by himself.

 

Eventually, he overheard the bunny retorting something Leo had said with “I demand to talk with an _American!”_

 

Flynn stood still. It was very, very rare for such people to show up. Back in the day, he actually was guilty of pulling that kind of shit of. But he had long since matured up and realized how much of a fucking asshole he had been in his teens.

 

The gila walked back, using a perfume kiosk to hide himself from view and radioed Luiz, explaining what happened. The tegu just replied with ‘on my way.’

 

It was when Leo started yelling back at the guy while trying to keep him at a distance, while the muscular hare kept slapping the wolf’s paw off his chest and trying to walk up to his face. It made the few patrons around stop and stare and - of course - some cunts always pulled up their cellphones.

 

Soon enough, the tegu appeared from behind one of the service doors. He walked up to the hare and this time Flynn decided to join them.

 

However, the tegu had a different approach: He allowed the hare to walk up to his face. For the longest time, the tegu stood there, trying to de-escalate the situation. He then leaned closer to the lapine and said something that Flynn couldn’t quite pick up.

 

But resulted in the hare punching the tegu in the stomach and the face.

 

Luiz’s shades clattered to the polished floor and broke. The tegu’s hat rolled comically down to the side, over his massive jowls and right shoulder and then fell on the floor with a soft ‘thud’ noise.

 

Flynn had drawn his taser, but it wasn’t necessary: The tegu grinned briefly and grabbed the man by his shirt and punched him smack on the snout.

 

The younger lizard knew from what little biology classes he had taken that lapines had extremely sensitive noses, and hitting them hard enough could even kill them.

 

It was when it dawned on Flynn what Luiz was doing: He likely provoked the man in a manner the cameras and the morons with their phones up wouldn’t catch into attacking first, just so he would have an excuse to legally hurt him real bad.

 

Indeed, it was just a punch. Luiz didn’t continue attacking him, but the hare was out cold. The tegu immediately started telling others to back off and turned the lapine around, checking for a pulse and breathing.

 

He told Leo to call for an ambulance. Flynn knew what the tegu was doing: To avoid the bystander effect, one should delegate tasks to specific people. Flynn saw a shopper pick up Luiz’s hat and approach the tegu, offering it to him. Luiz muttered a ‘thank you’ and put it back on.

 

Well… in a way, Flynn knew he shouldn’t be surprised with what happened. He collected his boss and friend’s broken glasses and waited until the mall’s own nurse showed up.

 

The hare would live. He was just unconscious. But he had broken his nose and a few teeth. Maybe had some damage on his muzzle. Luiz had just a minor bruise on his face and spat a small glob of blood on the ground, but was otherwise unscathed.

 

Two more hours passed by. The hare had been long gone and the cops showed up, collected Luiz’s and everyone else’s statements and video evidence. Flynn talked with one of them after giving his statement and asked what would happen. He got his answer: Very little - the tegu acted in self-defense against someone less than half his age, clearly more muscular and fit who attacked first. At most, he could be sued for how he reacted, but that would be it.

 

It brought some relief to the gila. He knew Richard’s lawyer would wipe the floor with that guy. The goat had one corporate lawyer with a brother in the Congress and a criminal lawyer that had managed to get two vigilantes in high-profile cases get away with murder with a slap on the wrist. That was the same guy who also often defended police departments and who got Luiz out with just a small amount of cash to pay in damages and a month at the Mental Health Institute for beating that wife-beater into a coma.

 

All in all, it had been a good day. Even with the little trouble at the end.

 

Near the end of their shift, Bernard had spotted a guy who appeared to be fronting drugs in their parking lot. They decided to let Laura watch and call the cops in case of anything suspicious was caught on camera, but Luiz decided to get Flynn to come and confront the puma. It turned out he was just waiting his girlfriend.

 

And they found out simply because when a rather homely hippo woman showed up, he smiled and crossed the street, then asked what took her so long. They then walked out. All of that happened before they had even reached the guy. Both lizards sighed in relief.

 

When their first shift ended, and Luiz and Richard departed (after talking briefly with Flynn and Leo), the two younger men made their way to their vehicles.

 

“So… how’d ya like your first day?” Flynn asked.

 

“It was… okay. Do you have fights that often?” Leo asked, his ears briefly lowering, before perking up again. He looked at Flynn from over his minivan and Flynn’s truck while he unlocked the door.

 

“Believe it or not, no. But the rest was just another day’s work to me. About the fight… Luiz can take pretty much any shit thrown at him and still remain calm. I think…” Flynn licked his lips, “I think the whole ‘I wanna talk to a real ‘murican’ shit ticked him off.”

 

It was like Leo’s ears managed to perk up even more. His tail slowly wagged once, but stopped. “Really? Hm… I thought he didn’t like me. Y’know… over all the shit back in Echo.”

 

Flynn forced himself to look casual and meet Leo’s gaze. “Nah. I just think he was cranky today. Lunch cheered him up, though.”

 

“Might be.” Leo nodded and made a motion to enter his car. Flynn did the same, but quickly lowered the passenger window.

 

“Hey, Leo, I need a few things from the grocery and then I’ll wait a little to go pick TJ up from his class. So you can go straight home if ya want.”

 

“Alright,” the wolf said and started his vehicle’s engines. Flynn did the same and they drove off in different directions.

 

 _‘Maybe Leo’s not so fuckin’ hopeless, after all,’_ the gila thought to himself. Their attempts at reconnecting were still rocky and needed a lot of work, but Flynn was glad to see Leo seemed genuinely trying that time.

 

Hopefully, none of them would fuck up. After all, it was a two-way street.


	44. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenna learns to let go of a few things.
> 
> Meanwhile, Chase might find the help he needed to get back from the gutter from a very unlikely source.

**Moving On**

 

Jenna let out a bored sigh as she finished her own paperwork from that day’s group session. She was starting to grow more desensitized from the patients and it bothered her a little.

 

She didn’t want to become an uncaring professional while working in a job where people relied on her. It reminded her of the welfare agents that ignored her family, it reminded her of the late Dr. Carlyle, it reminded her of many other such people that she held with nothing but contempt because all they did was clock in, do the bare minimum work - usually at others’ expense - and clock out automatically.

 

The vixen acknowledged the wanted to do research (and, indeed, was on the right path - right now, she still didn’t have her PsyD, but once she got it, she would go from helping to actually conducting her own works), but what she saw back when she was forced by circumstances (and her decision to stand by TJ) to work in counseling really gave her a new perspective on other people’s problems.

 

Maybe the fact she cared about how she changed was still a good thing? Jenna hoped so. It was one of the things she was envious of her boss: She seemed to be genuinely dedicated to her patients. Even her other friends seemed to have started enjoying their career choices.

 

Except Chase.

 

Poor Chase. Jenna’s ears drooped and she now let out a small sigh, this time of sadness. She prided herself on figuring out things about others. How could she be so blind?

 

 _How could she be wrong about_ all _of her friends?_

 

Granted, she was partially right. But not in what really matters. Jenna knew she and Flynn were the most mature of the group - and considered Chase to be on their level as well. No matter how much time passed, how her friends - and Chase - were doing, she still felt guilty for not noticing something.

 

The noise of the office door opening and Carla walking towards her own desk brought Jenna back from her thoughts. Her ears perked up and she watched the owl take a seat with a tired huff, then the doctor immediately started going through her own papers.

 

Jenna was almost going back to her own work when her boss - and friend - spoke:

 

“Is something bothering you?”

 

It was more of a statement than a question. Still, Carla’s tone showed genuine concern - for which Jenna felt grateful. While she obviously played along with such societal cues, usually it bothered her when she was really upset and people showed concern merely out of politeness.

 

And she didn’t want to bother her other friends about her issues. So she supposed she could talk with an older, more mature woman whom she had gotten along well enough for years by now.

 

“I just… sometimes I think about what happened back in Echo. I was never one to really have self-doubts or dwell on something, but I’m still unable to really feel better about saying I was done with them when Chase started acting crazy and walking off.”

 

Carla put her papers down and turned her entire chair to face Jenna. It was good: The fennec learned that if Carla merely turned her neck, it meant that she did not like something about what was being said - or who was doing the talking.

 

“I see,” the owl tented her talons. “And, pray tell, what would you have done?”

 

“I… I don’t know. I could have stood by them. Maybe keep Tee- Tobias away from all of that. Or stopped Flynn from taking TJ to the lake…”

 

The owl took a deep breath and exhaled. “Yes. You could. But it is easy to see a solution in hindsight. Every time a disaster happens, everyone comes with one thousand and one solutions. I believe you used to be guilt of doing that to others and how they handled their problems, were you not?”

 

Jenna’s ears drooped and she avoided the owl’s piercing gaze. “I…”

 

She almost retorted. The vixen wanted to argue, to defend her point of view, to talk about her rough life. But, deep down, Jenna knew that her boss was right.

 

“Your friends were under a lot of stress that day. From what I could gather from Mr. Moore and Mr. Hess, what happened was part of a case of mass-hysteria. But I digress. Mr. Hess could have fought back when Mr. Moore dragged him-”

 

Jenna now interrupted.

 

“No, he couldn’t! I know TJ; you’ve seen him, Carla - he’s-”

 

The owl raised her hand. If her glare was intense before, now it was completely smouldering. It took some effort for Jenna to meet her gaze. Leo wouldn’t glare at others like that when angry and even Flynn seemed to avert his gaze when upset.

 

Carla just… glared right at whoever offended her. Unmoving.

 

“That young man is stronger than you could possibly imagine, Jenna. I am under the impression I told you that before. I will not tell you what he has told me, but I assure you: He could. Now, please, let me finish.”

 

“Okay…” Jenna said barely above a whisper.

 

“As I was saying… there was little to nothing that could have been different. What if Mr. Moore or Mr. Hunter attacked you? What if Mr. Hess wanted to get that over with? What if you being there would have made you think the best course would be to get Mr. Hess and take off while Mr. Moore and Mr. Hunter were fighting, and nobody then would save Mr. Moore?”

 

Jenna let out a small sob. She wasn’t going to cry, but she really didn’t feel well.

 

“I understand your concern, Jenna. I really do. I have had such moments in my own life. But there is no use to dwell on what could have beens. I have told that to your friends and I am telling that to you. I… I understand you have held Mr. Hunter in high esteem before, but…” here, the owl hesitated, “I believe you know the man you thought was him was someone else. All these years.”

 

There was a brief silence in the office, before Jenna nodded weakly and met Carla’s gaze again. The owl’s features showed concern.

 

“I know… it kinda fizzled out in time. I’m just… I guess I just feel bad that I couldn’t do anything.”

 

“Oh, but you did, Jenna: You went back on your word and stood by them. Even Mr. Moore. Even when I knew you were doing that just for Mr. Hess. But I suppose you do crave companionship… I can tell your distress started even before you met your former friend again.”

 

That caught Jenna by surprise. “It’s… it’s personal.”

 

To be true, Jenna felt vicariously happy to see TJ and Flynn in a genuinely loving relationship. Even with their little disagreements and other bumps here and there - but that was normal. In fact, she could recall they both tended to be mature when handling their issues: Simply give each other time to cool down and talk it over or move on. Even then, the only serious thing had been, so far, that one time Flynn kept asking TJ of he really consented to what they were about to do.

 

Jenna briefly wondered what she would have done if TJ had gone off on her for coddling him.

 

“Still,” Carla insisted, “I know you may have needs. You are young, pretty and smart. Of course, I could be wrong, but if I am not…”

 

“I suppose I just didn’t have time to go out. I mean, I’ve been busy. I don’t know, Carla, I just am not really a teenager to go out anymore. I’ll be twenty-seven soon.” Jenna shrugged.

 

“And I am in my mid-forties, Jenna. Yet I still go out every Saturday night and have fun. I am not telling you to become a bohemian, just that - unless you prefer that - your life has just been home-work, work-home non-stop for the past three years and eight months we know each other.”

 

“I know, I know… as of late, though, I want to focus on getting my next degree. I just wish there was some online college that were recognized by APA…”

 

Carla tilted her head as if to raise an eyebrow. “Being recognized by the American Psychological Association is good. But if the classes teach the same information and the professional is good and the degree valid, I do not see any reason not to take classes online. You know I can help you and I can vouch for you. If you were incompetent or negligent, I would not have stood by your side before. You have more experience than quite a few of the privileged, pompous fools that graduated alongside me in Yale had at your age, I am sure. Still, this is just my word. If you think you will need to quit in order to attend college…”

 

“With the way that the economy is now? No, thanks.” Jenna chuckled. Carla returned it with a smile - or rather, her eyes indicated a smile. Avians did not display many emotions; with their features, it forced them to use their eyes or tilt their heads at the right angles to simulate facial expressions.

 

“True. So I believe my advice helped you?” She tilted her head. Almost too much - like owls usually did. She was being silly now on purpose, however.

 

“Yeah, it did. Thanks…” Jenna shuffled some of her papers in order to put them in an easier order to file. Then something else passed through her thoughts.

 

“Listen, Carla, you said that you, Doctor Carla Sanderson, like to go out at Saturday nights to get drunk and-”

 

“Get laid?” Carla tilted her head on the other side now, her eyes showing amusement. Now Jenna was positively shocked to hear the usually sober and serious owl saying that.

 

“Yeah.” The fennec admitted.

 

“I am a woman, Jenna. I have needs too. I do not look for a relationship, however. I just go out, have a few drinks, and see if I can find some guy smart enough to interest me to spend a couple hours with him. Simple as that.”

 

“It seems… that you’ve had a lot experience.” Jenna was honestly astonished.

 

The owl chuckled. This time, the smirk in the corner of her eyes was somewhat mischievous. “You do not know many things about me, Jenna Begay. I used to be quite the party animal. It ended here in Pueblo, when this fat cop pulled me over while I was high on quaaludes…”

 

Jenna rested her head on her fist and watched with amusement as Carla told everything about it. The fennec found interesting how, apparently, she knew who that fat cop was…

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Flynn wiped the sweat off his brow, as he and his colleagues (and Cliff, the janitor), put their tools to use.

 

The reason Luiz always recommended to carry a multitool was because guards were often asked to do small repairs. Either for their convenience or because whoever hired them put them as sort of a jack-of-all-trades.

 

In any case, Leo, Cliff and Luiz were busy fixing a light bar on the company’s ‘new’ 2010 Dodge Charger.

 

Like Luiz’s own ‘95 Crown Vic, that and the other two 2010 Chargers that G.A.S. bought used to be police cars, bought in an auction and repainted blue with the yellow decals and markings, and getting a new amber lightbar. They had a very high mileage, but still could do the job of patrolling a small area.

 

On the downside, that meant they could malfunction at times. In that case, Leo was busy fixing a small problem with the wiring with Clifford while Flynn and Luiz were screwing the amber LED lightbar back in its support struts using their multitools. It was one of the few times bringing one proved useful, as the janitor and Leo were busy with the actual screwdrivers. Apparently, whoever removed the original radio and emergency lights before the auction did a sloppy job and some wires that shouldn’t connect ended up doing so. Flynn didn’t bother to try and remember the explanation.

 

“Try again,” said Leo. Flynn nodded and went inside the vehicle, then brought the engine to life. It worked, but that wasn’t the problem.

 

The problem was turning the radio, the lights or the tailgates on alongside the engine. Flynn tested them  and - with the exception of his boss screaming something that sounded like _‘puta que o pariu’,_ alongside a torrent of curses in various languages at him for flashing the lightbar’s takedown lights right on his face without warning while testing it - everything seemed to be in order.

 

They had been revising the other three vehicles at their local fleet as well: Luiz had acquired two golf carts and a former meter maid ‘99 GO-4 trike. He justified it as them being smaller, silent and electric (“It’s trendy to be green nowadays,” the tegu said then).

 

Things were improving between Leo and his boss. They also shared a few common interests, Luiz practiced his Spanish often with him (and, in turn, even Flynn realized he had started picking up something from listening to them), and now that the wolf showed he could help fix the cars, the older lizard was ecstatic.

 

It was a slow day at work, hence why the tegu (after getting the approval of Richard) decided to take them to the parking lot so they could work on the Charger.

 

Earlier that day, during lunch break, they also tried to see if any could somehow fit inside the trike that Luiz stationed in the mall. It was meant so Liao could have a faster way to move around the property’s large corridors and immense parking lot during his night shift.

 

Of course, he could only drive inside the mall in case of emergency. Even so, getting in through the maintenance and load/unload doors. Still, it was a good way to save time instead of having to drive around the property.

 

Flynn checked the time: They spent about two hours doing that. Good. That meant only four more hours and he should be home.

 

Luiz had told Leo to go wash his paws and thanked Cliff for lending them his tools and helping with the fix. The old dog shrugged and said he had nothing better to do, before gathering his things and leaving.

 

Soon enough, they went their separate ways to do their rounds around the mall. That gave Flynn time to be alone with his own thoughts and the occasional annoying shopper.

 

It wasn’t until early afternoon that Flynn spotted something that threatened to ruin the flow of his day.

 

It was Chase. He had grown a beard - though it was neatly trimmed - and appeared to be also job hunting.

 

Leo wasn’t around and Flynn was thankful for that. The gila tried to leave before being noticed, but it was too late: Chase, after he was finished checking something on his phone and pocketing it, locked eyes with Flynn.

 

The lizard licked his lips. Chase wasn’t a threat by any means now. But he still couldn’t help but really feel like shit whenever that smelly otter was around.

 

They stood there in silence, until Luiz’s voice snapped Flynn back to reality:

 

“What have we here! Hey, water-weasel! How’s it _hangin’?”_

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


The emphasis on the ‘hanging’ part was clear to Chase. So, the fat guard knew.

 

He knew that he had met that fat tegu before. After thinking for a moment, he recalled the charity event. And that made Chase feel worse as both lizards - Flynn and the older lizard - approached him.

 

Flynn looked extra-sour, but was now avoiding his gaze. The tegu, on other hand, grinned broadly.

 

Usually, when spotting someone who might be hostile, Chase would hear his… _‘driver’_ coming up with a comment in his thoughts: How he could easily break someone’s neck, or stab someone, what else nearby could be used as a weapon, etcetera.

 

Chase remembered what were his thoughts upon meeting the tegu in that event, holding up a pail large enough to cook TJ whole, full to the brim with soup, with minimum effort. There was also something, a weird glint in the tegu’s eyes then that managed to put that side of Chase’s mind off.

 

“What happened, kiddo?” The fat lizard tilted his head, showing mock-concern:

 

“Chase, right? What’s the matter? Breathless?”

 

“I just… didn’t know Flynn worked here, is all. I- I can leave-”

 

“Nonsense! We won’t mind if you decide to _hang_ around, amigo!” The tegu wrapped one of his large arms around Chase’s shoulders and pulled him close. He didn’t yank the otter, but still forced him into his side-hug.

 

Chase’s heart raced and he tried to hold back tears of his own. What the fat guy had planned for him?

 

He looked at Flynn, who looked clearly at loss of what to do.

 

The tegu flicked his tongue at the air near Chase’s head, taking a deep breath through his nostrils. Chase knew it meant he was smelling him - was he also going to get on his case for being a mustelid?

 

“Come on, Luiz, cut this bullshit out.” Flynn’s voice eventually brought both the older lizard and the otter’s attention back to Flynn.

 

“Hm?” Luiz raised one ridge.

 

“Ya heard me, Luiz. Let him go.”

 

Luiz’s smirk turned into a frown. “Not before I have a little chat with him, Flynn.

 

Flynn licked his lips and clenched and unclenched his fists. “No.”

 

“No?” The tegu now scowled, Chase trying to pull back as discreetly as possible, but still wrapped into the half-hug. There weren’t many people around and he didn’t know how either would react if he tried to scream.

 

That is, if the thought occurred to him: The otter was so scared that he just… froze. His main focus was on trying to hold his tears back.

 

“Flynn, I know what you're thinkin’,” The older lizard said, his frown softened. It also surprised Chase that Flynn seemed more controlled himself next to that tegu.

 

The tegu continued: “I’m not gonna do what you’re imagining. I just genuinely wanna have a chat with him. You can stick around if you want. You can even call Leo if ya think there’s anythin’ bad about to go down. But did I ever break my word to ya, kid?”

 

Flynn licked his lips again and looked down, sighing. “No…”

 

“Good. Now, if you excuse us…” the tegu did not wait to take Chase outside.

 

The mid-afternoon sun brought out the few colours in the usually dull parking lot of the mall, and the heat was already a tad too much for Chase’s liking even though it wasn’t even summer yet. They sat on a small, unoccupied bench close to one of the mall’s glass doors - acting like a mirror thanks to the angle of the sunlight, reflecting both of them - and Luiz’s sarcastic grin vanished, replaced with a tired expression.

 

The tegu sighed.

 

“First of all, I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure if ya were playin’ along with all that bein’ crazy bullshit, so I wanted to see if I could ruffle your feathers - there were a few inconsistencies on the information I got about your diagnosis. I suppose my sources didn’t lie, so, I’m truly sorry. I know it won’t fix the damage that’s done, but I at least wanna let you know that I’m being sincere. You do know what I wanna talk about, don’t ya?”

 

Chase blinked and hesitated. He didn’t expect this strange man to apologize. But it was also extremely creepy that he had, somehow, gotten access to information about him. While he seemed to be friends with Flynn and might have contact with TJ and the others through the gila, there was no way this weird security guard didn’t have to dig where he wasn’t supposed to.

 

“I’ll take your silence as an ‘yes.’ Or that you’re about to freak out.” Luiz sighed again. “Look, kiddo, I ain’t gonna harm ya. I know this is what a lot of untrustworthy people would say, but in my case, I tend to keep my word. If I wanted to do anythin’, I’d have gotten ya when you went alone to college get your diploma two days after you left the asylum. Or at evening yesterday, when ya took out the trash. I’m tellin’ ya this to let you know one thing: Flynn…” this time the tegu seemed to be a little nervous, “he’s become a very prized friend to me. At first, I didn’t give a shit about him more than I would for anyone down on their luck that I’m helping get back on their feet. But that kid grew on me. Which is not an easy feat, may I add. And only I knew how miserable and self-destructive he was. The world had turned their backs to him like they did to me just ‘cause we weren’t too nice. So, I just wanted to let ya know that kid is very important to me. Do you understand?”

 

It was… strange. Chase looked up at the older man’s face. While he understood the threat, Luiz’s expression showed genuine concern. Even a little hint of fear.

 

In a way, the otter felt some relief. The guy was merely concerned about Flynn’s well-being, but that was about it. Chase nodded.

 

“I… I didn’t lie. I was looking for a job. If I knew Flynn worked here…” he trailed off. The tegu sighed in relief and nodded.

 

“I understand. I think it’s for the best to try and not cross paths with Flynn. He might be big and even strong, but ya have no fucking idea how he feels when he remembers about what you did.”

 

Chase nodded weakly and looked away, seeing the busy streets and people passing by. He wished things had been different. Even if Flynn had always been an asshole, he didn’t deserve what happened.

 

None of them deserved what happened to them.

 

“Know… before I read about you, I had a few ideas,” Luiz confessed, bringing Chase’s attention back to him. “I thought about just whackin’ ya to keep the guy safe. I mean, judgin’ by what I heard you’ve done back in your shithole of a hometown, I think you’d do the same, were our positions inverted. But it ain’t worth it. Know…” 

 

Chase saw a bitter smirk appearing on the tegu’s muzzle. “Before, when I heard of ya, I thought you’d be this wicked, seductive, manipulative water-weasel…” the tegu sighed and looked away from Chase.

 

He looked almost… let down?

 

“You cannot imagine my disappoint to just find yet another broken kid from Arizona.”

 

The tegu had a genuinely sad look on his features. Chase almost thought he’d pitied him, but it almost sounded like he genuinely felt bad for the otter.

 

“Heh,” Chase felt tears welling in his eyes, “I’m sorry. Seems I’ve been disappointing people for decades now.”

 

The tegu huffed and flashed a sad smile. “Trust me, _amigo._ I know a lot about how it feels.”

 

A small breeze blew through them, ruffling their clothes a little. Luiz grunted and removed his hat when it looked like it would be blown away, holding it down on his lap.

 

“So,” the tegu started once the wind stopped blowing.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Lookin’ for a job, huh? Say… do ya have any plans for the future?”

 

The otter sighed and shook his head. Chase frankly didn’t know what to do.

 

“No… I just am trying to make up for the lost time. It’s weird to be in control of myself after so long…”

 

“Yeah,” The tegu leaned back against the bench they were in, making the old polished wood creak, “I may not know how it is that you feel, but I do know that bein’ responsible for ourselves is one of the toughest things in the world.”

 

The bench creaked again when the tegu straightened himself up and looked square at Chase. “Say, is there anything you _want_ to work with? That you’re _good_ at?”

 

Chase gave it some thought. “Well, I do have a degree in journalism… but I wanted to study history.”

 

“Why not both?” The tegu asked, raising his right ridge.

 

“Hm? How do you mean?”

 

“Both. Know, like one of these archeological reporters who travel all over the world, showing discoveries and such.”

 

“Hm…” Chase never thought about that. It _was_ a field that used his degree, yet, close to what he had wanted to do.

 

“And, y’know, you could write online articles or magazines and such with the shit you see with the archeologists and historians and such.”

 

Chase sighed. “Yeah, I know. But it’s not that easy. I mean… where do I even start?”

 

The tegu scratched at his jowls idly, briefly breaking eye contact with Chase. He then gave a nod to no one in particular, as if he had just confirmed something to himself. “I can take care of that.”

 

“How?”

 

“Don’t look a gift hooker in the genitals, _amigo._ I just need ya to promise me one thing: You’ll avoid Flynn like I used to avoid the cops, alright?”

 

Chase sighed and looked down at his feetpaws. “I can promise that… because I frankly don’t feel good around any of my former friends.”

 

 _“Que-_ that’s a little radical, kiddo.”

 

“No, I mean, I’m serious!” He looked up at Luiz, “I know I wish things were still good between all of us. Even Flynn - deep down. But it won’t. And whenever they see me, they’ll remember what happened. And I’ll remember what happened too. So I rather try to distance myself from my past and… start a new life.”

 

Whatever he said, seemed to flick a switch inside the tegu’s mind. The reptile’s face lit in understanding.

 

“I know the feeling. There’s things in life that can’t be fixed… I suppose it’s the case with you and the other kids.” The tegu was silent for a brief moment. 

 

“I… well, if ya need it, I’ll help ya. I might talk with Mr. Peterson, let him give ya your last paycheck as a gesture of goodwill…”

 

“Thanks,” Chase muttered… he wanted to have a cigarette, but didn’t know the tegu that well to ask for one, even if he _did_ smell like he smoked a lot.

 

_Wait, I don’t even know him!_

 

“Look, I… thanks for it all, but, uh, why are you helping me? _I’m_ the otter who fecked everything up. You let it clear you considered getting rid of me earlier. Why all that?”

 

Luiz let out a sigh and shook his head weakly, as if he were just disappointed. He got up on his feet, his features back to being rigid as usual, and made his way to the door. “Because, kiddo, I believe that everyone who wants a second chance deserves one. I’d be a fucking hypocrite if I didn’t. Once, when I thought all was lost, someone gave me a second chance. So what if I may still not be very fond of you? Are we gonna live together or somethin’? No. Though I do admit you’re kinda cute. But I digress. My point is… helpin’ ya not only goes along with what I believe is right, but also will get you away and allow everyone to recover. It’s a win-win to me.”

 

The tegu put his hat on and stopped right in front of the door, before looking over his shoulder. “I don’t think you’re a murderer, Chase…” he looked at the dark glass of the mall’s doors, at his own distorted reflection, “I know one when I see one…”

 

Chase swore he could see the facade breaking to show a little hint of hurt, before Luiz grinned and looked back at him. “You’ll get your first paycheck with an apology letter by the middle of the next week. I’ll see what else I can do to help you. Maybe someone I know can send ya the brochures needed or maybe even the calls from the relevant employers.” The tegu turned back around to fully face Chase.

 

“Is that your resume?” His clawed finger pointed at the papers Chase had on his lap.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Gimme one.”

 

Chase hesitated, but did do it. After all, what he had to lose?

 

He felt anxious when he saw the lizard skimming through it, then folding the sheet of paper and sticking it in his back pocket. “I wish you well, kiddo. Hopefully, we ain’t gonna meet again.”

 

“Hopefully so.” Chase couldn’t help but flash a nervous smile.

 

“I mean it - it’ll mean you’ll be healed and free. I know it’s a tough journey, but it’s worth it. The toughest part is to forgive yourself.”

 

“Don’t I know…” Chase muttered.

 

The tegu nodded and approached Chase. He put a hand in one of his pants’ pockets and the otter did flinch a little, but all he pulled out was a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

 

“I can tell ya smoke. The smell sticks to your fur. Here,” he offered a cigarette to Chase, who took it with a mutter of ‘thanks’ and put it between his lips. He tried to not flinch when the lizard approached to light it up for him.

 

Chase took a couple of drags, feeling the oddly comforting sensation of the smoke entering his lungs. He sighed as he blew the smoke out.

 

“Take care, Chase.”

 

“Alright.”

 

He then watched the tegu pocket his smokes and lighter and finally disappear behind the mall’s automatic doors. Chase could swear Flynn had been there, but they closed too quickly for him to notice, and the tegu was big enough to block his view of the inside before they did.

 

It was an unexpected and weird encounter Chase had. But if the fat lizard didn’t lie, he could look forward to getting back up again.

 

Life was starting to be merciful to him, but Chase still didn’t feel truly free.

 

With a deep breath, the otter got up and decided to leave the parking lot, thinking about going to catch the first bus back to his parents’ place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, guys, I hope ya like it. I don't have much to say and I'm astounished I managed to write so much so fast with my mind going multiple places at once - considering what's going on down here in Brazil.
> 
> I hope you guys have fun and stay safe.


	45. Forging New Bonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Flynn's day off, but everyone else is out either working or doing who-knows-what. After giving the run-in with Chase at the mall a bit of thought and feeling a little guilty over misjudging his boss and friend, the gila decided to see if he can talk it over.
> 
> Leo was just going to buy some beer and relax on his day off when Flynn suddenly pulled over to invite him to hang out with - and maybe befriend - the boss. That allows the wolf to see up-close how Flynn has changed and think about the ways that he should change himself as well. Especially after he found an item he had thought he'd have lost.
> 
> We also get a brief outlook of Chase and TJ's thoughts about the way things are going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once more, thanks to my bf for proofreading this for major flaws, and for all the feedback you guys (you know who you are ;) ) gave to me!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this one. I was totally drunk when writing it (don't judge me, things here are still kind of a mess) and it's going to be tying to the beginning of the end of this fanfic.

**Forging New Bonds**

 

“So, guess what asshole showed up at the mall yesterday?” Flynn knew he had said that almost out of nowhere.

 

“Hm?” Carla looked at him with interest. “Considering the way you are talking right now, I believe I have a very good guess.”

 

“Yeah, well, all the muskshit wanted was to get a job. I ain’t gonna lie… while I’m not happy to see him, I almost felt bad for him. ‘Specially when my boss started asking him ‘how’s it hangin.’”

 

Now Carla narrowed her eyes briefly. Flynn wondered if he had said too much - but then again, that was what he usually did. He just hoped the shrink would be able to put up with the tegu should she decide to confront him.

 

“So, let me get this straight: He knew the entire situation, yet, he decided to provoke Mr. Hunter?”

 

The gila briefly avoided the owl’s piercing gaze. With a shrug, he then nodded. “It’s what the made the shit that happened later even weirder. He pulled that muskshit aside to talk… I ain’t gonna bullshit ya, doctor, but I was curious and decided to watch from a distance. The mall’s doors are dark enough to become mirrors when the sun hits ‘em light, so I stood right behind ‘em. And they seemed to be… gettin’ along? He even picked one of Chase’s resumes and pocketed it. I haven’t got a fuckin’ clue what it was all about.”

 

“I see. I see… hmmm…”

 

For the first time since he had known her, Flynn saw the owl act genuinely surprised: As if something didn’t follow what she expected to happen. He had to admit it felt kinda good. Like how when Jenna would find out she had been wrong about something.

 

“I told ya, I don’t hate him,” Flynn decided to clarify, “I just wish I didn’t have to see him again. It… it always brings back some good memories from when we were way young, but it only makes it worse when I think about what happened at the lake. Even then… even then I knew it wasn’t exactly him-”

 

“Excuse me!?” Carla’s eyes were wide open in surprise. “You _knew?”_

 

The lizard licked his lips and clenched and unclenched his fist. “Yeah… but I ain’t gonna tell ya what I think. You’d call me crazy.”

 

“Mr. Moore,” the owl adjusted her glasses on her beak and resumed her usual neutral expression, “I believe I am more qualified than you to make such a decision. Your partner, Mr. Hess, he had similar misgivings about revealing his version of what happened back in Lake Emma. In a huge part, it was the fault of my more, erm, orthodox colleagues. I believe you are aware of what I am talking about, are you not?”

 

Flynn nodded and sighed.

 

“I am not forcing you to share it with me, but if you believe it is necessary, it could help all of you.”

 

The young lizard decided to ponder his options. So, Toby had already told her about the weird shit he had seen at the lake. Carla already knew there was more to the story than simply ‘Chase wanted to kill him to fuck TJ later’ kind of deal.

 

“Well, y’see, my aunt always had this crazy stories about the town and our family lineage…”

 

So he told it all. The owl just nodded and jotted down as he talked. In the end, she had asked him only one thing on the subject:

 

“So, are you saying that Mr. Hunter might not have what is popularly known as split-personality? That your, Mr. Hess and Mr. Hunter’s problems can be chalked up to the paranormal?”

 

“I… I have no fuckin’ clue, doc. It’s just somethin’ that’s been on my mind for a while.”

 

“I see. Well,” the owl took in a deep breath and flipped the page on her notepad, “let us talk about you - which is what we are here for - have you been taking your medicine?”

 

“Yeah… every day. Except last Thursday, that I forgot…”

 

The rest of their session went on normally. Eventually, their time was up and the owl commented he made remarkably fast progress. They agreed on the schedule of his next session and the owl left with a polite farewell.

 

Yet, the entire encounter with Chase and the muskshit’s talk with his boss couldn’t leave his mind. Mostly, because of what how Flynn felt about it and what happened afterwards.

 

While he didn’t really feel like helping Chase, the gila recalled the talk he had with his boss later the previous day, after Chase left.

 

Luiz pretty much told Flynn that, the quicker the otter felt better, the quicker he would leave his life - as he had wanted. Maybe even leave the country. Make something better for himself, and let everyone move on.

 

Flynn had then retorted that it would have been better if he had fucking known it before thinking Luiz was going to take him to the back of the mall and break his neck.

 

He soon regretted it. The tegu had looked genuinely hurt.

 

 _“I ain’t that anymore, amigo. You’re actin’ like the rest of them. Would you enjoy if your friends still saw ya as that prick who would always ruin everythin’? Don’t be like that, kid. Just don’t.”_ Luiz replied then.

 

It made the gila’s heart sink. Despite everything, he didn’t want to actually hurt the old man. He was just worried about both him and Chase.

 

That day, Flynn had finally understood why Jenna had always been so hard with him, despite everything he had gone through. And finally understood the bitterness she had when found out she was a little unfair.

 

Because, essentially, he had flat-out accused his friend and boss of still being an unrepentant killer. He knew that hurt the tegu.

 

Flynn had apologized, sincerely so. It was the first time he had done it out of sincerity, not because it would be the best course to do, to someone not from Echo. It felt like when he had apologized to Daxton for being a cunt. Or when he apologized to TJ. Or to his friends. They were sincere apologies.

 

The tegu accepted his apology, but still spent the rest of their shift sitting down in his office, looking at his desk and doing nothing. It was almost like how he was back when Flynn first met him.

 

Another fucking thing to feel guilty about.

 

Flynn had that Saturday off - hence his session with Carla. So he couldn’t know how Luiz had been holding up.

 

One thing’s for sure: If the old man still felt bad, it would reflect on how Richard would be acting towards the younger lizard for a while.

 

In a way, it was good that TJ was at work. He would have noticed how shitty Flynn had been feeling and the gila really didn’t want to bother Toby with his issues.

 

Jenna was also at work. And Leo left one hour ago to do whatever it was that he did in his free time.

 

He would go hang out with Carl, but he was sure the ram would pick up what had been upsetting him as well. And he lived with Richard’s sister now, so… as much as Flynn thought about it, there was no running from it. Eleanor would probably be sour to him as well - she idolized the tegu.

 

The gila laid on his and TJ’s bed and looked up at the white-plastered ceiling, as if the rough and bumpy surface would somehow give him the answers to his predicament.

 

So, he had gotten his wish: The muskshit was going to leave his life, but he had managed to show gratitude to the man who made it possible by letting it clear he was afraid he’d commit a murder. Twice in a row.

 

He supposed it was a huge flaw of his: Thinking people didn’t get him, so he would pound the same subject to oblivion. Flynn had worked hard to change that, but it still showed through the cracks.

 

The lizard licked his lips and reached a decision. He got up and picked a few clean clothes: Just jeans pants and a white, plain t-shirt. He would change from his ‘stay at home’ outfit after a quick shower and go talk to Luiz.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


_‘The fat lizard lied to me,’_ thought Chase.

 

Chase’s paycheck didn’t arrive in the middle of the next week.

 

It had arrived that very Saturday. Alongside with a little extra.

 

The otter remembered how afraid for him Flynn seemed to be, and the tegu’s assurances Mr. Peterson would pay him, and briefly wondered just what the old lizard did to make that cheapskate pay.

 

Alongside it, there was also a letter of recommendation.

 

Sure, Chase had roughly one thousand and two hundred bucks only to spend, but it was better than the whopping twenty-six dollars he had in the bank at the day Carl had found him hanging.

 

It was still a novel concept, to be helped by someone who made no secret that he wasn’t very fond of him. But, for once, Chase wouldn’t complain about his lot.

 

He also found interesting to see how getting a minimum wage check cheered him up that much. Of course, the meds were also likely kicking in, but still.

 

The otter still decided to try and keep his joy to a minimum while he sat there in front of the family’s computer, about to check his email: In his experience, life tended to throw a curveball and feck everything up when he least expected it.

 

Someone had offered him a temporary job as a freelance writer. He supposed he could take it, write from home, and get means to help his parents foot his hospital and hospice bill while seeing if the rest of what was promised to him would happen.

 

As he accepted the offer, Chase also had another idea. He blinked and opened a new file on MicroshaftWord. He hesitated, then figured he could try his paws at making a social critic or whatever - it was trendy after all. So he started writing:

 

‘What it is Like to Live in a Dying Town in Modern America.’

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


The gray ‘94 Dodge Ram pulled up in the mall’s parking lot. Flynn sighed and looked around - no sign of Luiz’s patrol car. Still, he knew the tegu would sometimes go to work alongside Richard. The goat’s S-Type was parked in its usual spot.

 

Flynn waited a few more moments, then left his truck. The door hinges creaked and he knew he would need to save some cash to fix that rust bucket. Maybe Leo could help. In either case, the truck was getting a little stiff to steer. 

 

He could sell it and get something else, but truth be told, since TJ had explained he had syphoned gasoline from it to make the fire that kept Flynn warm (and alive), the gila decided to keep it a little longer. It just needed to have the gear box checked. And maybe a new paint job.

 

Reminiscing about these insignificant details actually helped Flynn steel himself to look for the old man. He locked the door and entered the cool, air-conditioned KWest Mall.

 

No luck. After fifteen minutes wandering, Flynn didn’t spot Luiz. Or any of the guards. Or Clifford. It bothered him to not see anyone he knew and he almost considered going into the Employees Only door to go ask Laura where the tegu was, when he spotted Richard sipping on a latte at the food court. He looked a little more stressed and tired than his usual, frantically sliding his fingers on his phone, stopping to type a few things once in a while.

 

The gila walked straight to him. The goat looked up from something he had been reading on his cellphone - a graphic of some kind - and arched his eyebrows.

 

“It’s unusual to see you here on your day off. Especially without Tobias.” The goat let out a tired sigh.

 

There was a hint of concern in Richard’s tone. Luiz likely didn’t tell. Flynn felt simultaneously glad and ashamed to be glad - it meant, at least to him, he was cowardly about it.

 

It was also noticeable to Flynn that the goat didn’t even greet him before trying to guess the reason for his visit.

 

“Erm, hello to ya too, Richard. And I had nothin’ better to do today: Toby’s at work, Jenna’s at work. Leo is doin’ fuck-knows-what, so I was bored. Is Luiz around?”

 

Richard took a sip of his latte, eyes locked on Flynn, then put his cup down. “No. I just came here to see how things are holding up. Lulu took the day off, I think it’s to help… someone. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

 

Flynn licked his lips. “Ah…”

 

The goat smirked at him. “I know all about it. I’m glad you apologized soon after. And, before you ask, no, I’m not really angry at you. I’ve been guilty of doing the same more than once and, to be fair, I have more pressing matters on my mind at the moment. I take you are looking for my husband out of genuine guilt and attempt to make up for misjudging him. Am I right?”

 

The gila sighed and pulled one of the free chairs, then took a seat. “Ya should be a fuckin’ psychic.”

 

“I’ll take the attempt to dodge the question with a sarcastic remark as an ‘yes,’ Flynn. And if you want to be a successful businessman, it is imperative to learn how to read others, it helps with people thinking they can fool you...” the goat looked down to his phone, “though I admit I wish I could read minds, that’d help…  hmmm…”

 

Flynn sat there, in silence. Usually, he’d have some smart comeback. But he frankly wasn’t feeling like it. 

 

Especially considering Richard was, indeed, behaving like a friend would. It took a while for them to get that close, but it beat that disdainful sneer he used to get from the goat by a fucking mile.

 

“I am going home now. You can drop by, if you want. I believe Lulu has already exhausted of his research to help your former colleague, and I have already put the rest of his plan that was up to me in motion. Simple stuff, really, that he could’ve done himself: Just send his resume to the right people.”

 

“I will,” Flynn got up and walked to Richard. “Besides, it’s been a while since I dropped by your place.”

 

Richard let out a ‘heh’ and started walking. Flynn walked by his side.

 

“That should cheer him up,” the middle-aged goat said, “of course, Lulu likes when you bring your friends over, too. Speaking of which, he’s also been a little bummed that you didn’t inform him that yesterday was Carl’s birthday. He was going to send him a gift.”

 

“Carl ain’t fond of parties and all this shit, Richard,” Flynn said, “we just dropped by quickly after work, wished him well and went back home.”

 

The ibex nodded. “I know. Elle told me all about it and how the only party they had was between the two of them. In all graphic and unnecessary details. I think I now know how your friend Jenna feels like.”

 

Flynn arched his ridges, they were now outside. “She got her revenge, though. Nobody likes to wake up with half the people they know findin’ out what happened.”

 

It brought the gila some amusement to see the goat smile and chuckle for a brief moment. It was rare to see him smile like that, but even more so now that Richard seemed clearly preoccupied. That made Flynn feel a little uneasy on his account. In that aspect, he reminded him of Carl, when the ram would just twiddle his thumbs and look down at his hooves.

 

“True. Just a fair warning: your friend Carl is in for a ride. He better work on his cardio. See you soon, darling.”

 

With that, they each went to their respective vehicles. While Flynn tried to caravan, a red light in a bad moment had kept him back. Not that it mattered, since he knew where the older couple lived.

 

In the end, it was a good thing that he had been held back: He briefly noticed Leo coming out of a liquor store, carrying a six-pack of beer. What caught the young lizard’s attention was just how the wolf drove the only liquor store he had been while in Pueblo, despite a better (and cheaper) one being much closer to their apartment building. 

 

 _‘Of course, the asswipe wouldn’t go buy his shit far from the few places he already know,’_ Flynn thought to himself. 

 

Flynn considered moving on, but looking at how Leo - who usually was proud and stood tall - slumped and looked miserable, with his ears hanging low, reminded the gila of his first year in Pueblo.

 

With a sigh, the gila pulled by the sidewalk and called out to the wolf, causing Leo’s ears to perk up and he looked around, before noticing the gila’s unmistakeable truck.

 

“What?”

 

“Listen, I’m gonna go to the bosses’ place. Would ya like to come? I’ll have to see if it’s okay with them first, though.”

 

Leo looked at him in surprise and considered the gila’s invitation, then shrugged. “I dunno, Flynn…”

 

“What’s the matter? Afraid Luiz’s gonna fuck ya in the ass or some shit? Usually we just chill, he shows me how to bake somethin,’ and watch TV.”

 

That and, maybe, it would do good if Leo started making other friends.

 

The wolf lowered his ears and sighed. “Alright.”

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Even though Leo had been told that Luiz and Mr. Maitland (Richard, he reminded himself) were married, he still felt a little intimidated when they reached the gated condo that his bosses lived in. 

 

That feeling of unease only grew as Flynn guided the wolf further into the Estates. Especially when the security let them in and they climbed the stairs to the top floor - his bosses had the entire top floor for themselves!

 

When they finished climbing the stairs, there was a sturdy metal gate that had been left open. Flynn explained that Luiz tended to be a little paranoid and had many redundant measures installed in their place. Considering Leo had been greeted with two cameras - and could spot more that had no other function than watch other cameras and be redundant in case one of them failed - he could see that.

 

Since it was yet another sunny spring day in Pueblo, Flynn claimed with certainty that he knew where their boss would be. The gila promptly turned to the left when they passed the gate and reached to a fence that overlooked a small garden. It also had a metal gate that had been left unlocked.

 

While wondering how some places could put trees on the top floor and not collapse, Leo spotted the tegu lounging on a hammock, tied between the garden’s decorative maple and cherry blossom trees. The older lizard wore what a blue cotton t-shirt that appeared to be a little heavy and long cargo shorts, and he idly looked at something on his phone and had dragged a cart to his side, containing a small styrofoam cooler with ice and a few bottles of beer and a large tray filled with small _empañadas._

 

The tegu picked a pawful of them and shoved them into his maw, one after another, just chewing a couple of times before tossing the next one in. It reminded Leo that he should have eaten something.

 

“Hey, Luiz,” Flynn said. He sounded a little uneasy. It was like when he tried to act nice to TJ a day after going off on him the previous day, back when they were little.

 

“Hm?” The tegu looked at them, having to tilt his head to do so in a manner that made him see them upside-down. He swallowed with some effort and then sat on his hammock. “‘Sup, kid. And Leo came too? Hm.”

 

Wait, did the tegu not want him there?

 

“If you’d like-”

 

“Nah, _no te preocupes, não se preocupe,_ Leonardo. I’m just a bit surprised you wanted to come. Where’s the _lince_ and the _carneiro?”_

 

“Teej’s at work and Carl is… doin’ fuck knows what.” Flynn answered.

 

“Oh. Well, I know what fuck he might be havin,’ hahaha! Anyways,” the tegu grunted as he got himself up, “I’m glad ya came. Say, did I ever tell ya how to make _empañadas?”_

 

“No…” Flynn answered. Leo noticed that the gila seemed to avoid eye contact with Luiz.

 

“Good. I’ll show ya later. But first, there’s somethin’ that I’m kinda upset about.”

 

“Yeah, well, I came here to sort this shit out-”

 

“It was Carl’s birthday this Friday and ya didn’t tell me.”

 

“Hm? Oh, sorry, but I mean-” Flynn tried to continue, but was cut off once more.

 

“I know he liked my GeoNeo, so he’s in luck, since I actually do have two of these. Y’see, the day I bought mine, Rich had given me one. So the one I bought is brand new in the box. Anyways, come inside now. Let’s find somethin’ to do.”

 

Without waiting for an answer, the tegu picked up the tray with his _empañadas_ and walked through the gate separating the garden from the entrance of his actual penthouse.

 

Leo looked at Flynn with his ears perked up. “Is… is he always like that?”

 

“If ya got surprised by him, just wait ‘till Richard starts likin’ ya. You don’t play poker, do ya?”

 

“Not really, ¿ _por qué?”_

 

“‘Cause only a sucker would gamble against Richard. Motherfucker’s lucky. He always win. I think he cheats.” Leo noticed that Flynn’s gaze locked on his paw as the wolf held the gate open.

 

Then he realized Flynn’s gaze was on his wrist.

 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Leo… ya spoke about movin’ on and then got another one?” The gila frowned and pointed at the small anchor bracelet on Leo’s right wrist.

 

Indeed, Leo had thought it was lost. But on his second night sleeping on the futon, something pricked one of his fingers. When he searched for it, he found the offending item between the futon’s cushions.

 

The wolf really wanted to throw it out. To say he didn’t care. But, try as he might, it still represented a few good memories he’s had.

 

Simultaneously, it represented a painful end.

 

Leo’s ears lowered, before they were pinned back. “Mind your own damn business, Flynn.”

 

The gila raised his large hands in surrender. That was quick. Leo supposed he could still be intimidating despite Flynn’s new muscles. It gave the wolf a hint of pride.

 

It was when he noticed the tegu looking at him with his ridges arched.

 

“Whatever, asshole,” Flynn retorted, “I was just worried about your pathetic ass.”

 

Leo closed the gate and followed Flynn to the penthouse’s thick oak door. The place was built like a large house on top of the building.

 

He had only seen that kind of thing on television before. In a way, the wolf felt like how he did the very first time he had entered Carl’s mansion.

 

While it was bigger, the wolf was positive it was less expensive than this penthouse.

 

Old habits die hard and, while they stepped on the white-gray marble floors and both lizards made their way to the kitchen, Leo took a look around - more and more cameras and alarms, all redundant, mounted on black marble that was attached on thick brick walls. This place was a fortress!

 

 _‘Ese lagarto es tan paranoico como Brian, por Diós…’_ Leo thought to himself.

 

“I see you’re sizin’ up the place, _amigo.”_ Luiz spoke from the kitchen with a predatory smirk on his lips.

 

“Oh, sorry, I was-”

 

“Don’t ya worry about it. Worry about what you can’t see…” the wolf’s ears briefly splayed, “anyways,” the tegu continued, “I couldn’t help but overhear you two talkin’ about this little bracelet of yours. What’s the matter with it?”

 

Leo raised his right arm and looked at the black elastic band of which the small anchor was attached to. The little metallic object shone in the lights coming from both the ceiling.

 

It made the little anchor, swaying slowly around still, shine even brighter, giving a heavenly around the small object that only made the memories associated to it hurt more.

 

The wolf didn’t like to wear it. Or to see it. But he still couldn’t bring himself to let go. He thought he did, but the very night TJ had supposedly pocketed it, only Leo’s pride stopped himself to go ask the lynx to give it back.

 

The little anchor reminded him of good times in the past. Even if things did not end well, Leo cherished those memories.

 

Before Leo could answer, Flynn did it for him:

 

“I think it’s somethin’ Chase gave to him. Or he got from the muskshit. Some shit like that.”

 

“Leonardo,” Luiz said with a sigh. The tegu walked to the large, black fridge and pulled a chair that was tucked between the appliance and the wall, then he took it to the side of the marble kitchen counter. He motioned for Flynn and Leo to sit on the stools at the other side.

 

The massive assortment of alcohol by the counter clued Leo in that the counter that separated the kitchen from the dining and living rooms was also the bar.

 

As expected, the tegu was retrieving some plain glasses from behind the counter. Three. He picked a bottle of vodka and started pouring some.

 

Flynn was the first to break the silence: “Can’t drink. We’re drivin.’”

 

Leo could drive while drunk. He had done that many times before. In fact, he knew that Flynn drove drunk _and_ sometimes drugged as well.

 

Of course, it would not be nice to mention that to their boss.

 

“Hm. I thought your _lince_ could drive,” Luiz put a few cubes of ice on his glass.

 

“Yeah, he can. But how he’d even be here to be my designated driver, Luiz? He’s at work right now, so how the fuck is he supposed to drive me home? Is he gonna fuckin’ teleport here?”

 

Despite his language, Flynn was a little casual. Leo looked back at their boss and saw the tegu chuckled.

 

“I can fetch him, if it comes to that” Mr. Maitland’s voice came from behind the duo. Leo turned around and… was shocked at what he saw.

 

“And I can drive Mr. Alvarez home. He picks his van up tomorrow.” Richard Maitland finished. The ibex goat looked way different out of his suit: His body had a very feminine frame. He wore daisy dukes that highlighted his massive balls. On his chest, a crop top with the words ‘Risking It All To Lick Some Stones’ and the cartoony drawing of a goat free-climbing a cliff and stretching his neck to lick two round rock.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I know, Mr. Alvarez: you’re not used to see me out of my business outfit. Anyway, darling, what you think of my offer?” The goat raised one eyebrow.

 

“Uh, alright… some whiskey on the rocks for me, please…” Leo said. Richard sat on the third empty stool, by Flynn’s right.

 

Flynn still shook his head slowly. “Nah. Thanks anyway, though. Just soda or water will do.”

 

“You can get cranberry juice, Flynn, if ya like healthier stuff.” Luiz said while preparing Leo’s whiskey. Flynn nodded and muttered something that Leo couldn’t hear, then went on to the fridge.

 

 _“Saúde!”_ Luiz raised his glass in a toast just as Flynn had finished pouring the juice for himself and Richard. Leo raised his glass and muttered a half-hearted _‘salud’_ that got easily drowned by Richard and Flynn’s ‘cheers’ - though the gila was equally half-hearted. Leo took a sip of his whiskey, but Luiz took a huge gulp of his vodka - and kept going until he had drank half of it. 

 

The older lizard then lowered his glass, smacked his lips and let out a content sigh. “Alright,” he started filling his glass back up again, “mind tellin’ me what are your plans for the future, Leonardo? _Por favor,_ don’t think this is a job thing. I just wanna get to know yet one more of Flynn’s _amigos.”_

 

Leo hesitated and took another drink of his whiskey, enjoying the burning feeling in his throat and stomach as it went down, and decided that it wouldn’t hurt to get friendly with the bosses.

 

“Well, where do I start? I knew it’d be hard to find a job here, but not that hard. I came here looking forward to either work driving trucks, delivering stuff, somethin’ like that. If not, to work as a mechanic.”

 

“Mhm,” Luiz nodded and took another long drink of his vodka. The wolf did the same with his whiskey.

 

Meanwhile, Flynn and Richard had started their own conversation. Apparently, the goat was talking about business losses and gains. Leo didn’t catch much other than the security business had been booming, but to not invest their retirement money if they could help it.

 

Their talk was a little more natural than when the goat spoke to Leo. Likely, because the wolf didn’t befriend them yet - the others had two or three years to get acquainted with the older guys.

 

While Leo, despite being glad that Flynn invited him to hang out, was still trying to get his own shit sorted together. The wolf supposed that it could be a decent change of pace to be in a new place like that, chilling and drinking some nice whiskey.

 

“It’s pretty good that you’re a mechanic, Leonardo.” Luiz’s voice made the wolf’s ears perk up and swivel back towards the older lizard. “As you’ve seen yourself, our fleet of vehicles has a very high mileage, so…”

 

“Yeah. Glad to help.” Leo responded and took another drink of his booze.

 

“Keep that up and don’t get easily pissy like ya did back in Echo, and you might have a decent future ahead of ya, kid.”

 

The wolf blinked. He knew that he barely restrained himself multiple times on his first day, but he had no idea if he would be able to continue taking other people’s bullshit in the long run.

 

Still, maybe his own mechanic skills could earn him something that required less dealing with the public. He would have to wait and see.

 

“I… thanks, Luiz.”

 

Leo took another drink of his whiskey. It was almost over now and he looked back at the bottle. The tegu noticed and picked it up, then filled the wolf’s glass again.

 

By now, Leo wouldn’t consider himself anywhere near as tipsy as he would have liked to be. He had drank on a mostly empty stomach before. But he knew the booze would soon get to his head.

 

Or it already did, considering he decided to ask Flynn about something that he had noticed during the first days living with them. He looked at the gila, who seemed busy texting someone - likely TJ - and asked:

 

“What happened to your toothpicks?”

 

“The fuck you mean?” Flynn seemed annoyed to be distracted from his phone for once.

 

“You used to always chew on one,” Leo said and took a sip of his glass, “I don’t see one in weeks.”

 

He half-expected Flynn to point out at some flaw of his - it was how he usually reacted when someone tried to talk about some flaw the gila had - so Leo was caught a bit off-guard when the younger lizard just sighed and put his phone down.

 

“Alright, see this here?” Flynn got up and walked close to Leo, then pulled at his upper lip, trying his best to stretch it in a way that would allow the wolf to see the inside of his mouth.

 

It was nearly imperceptible, but there was a small scar there, very near the back of the gila’s mouth. Flynn let go and closed his mouth again, then turned his head so Leo could see the right side of the gila’s face, who then placed a finger by a small scar right in the middle of one of his scales.

 

“Happened on my first month,” Flynn said as he returned to his stool, “it was Black Friday and some stupid shopper almost killed another one. They called security, we tried to get him to leave, but he didn’t like the idea to leave that TV he’d work for two years instead of four to pay behind, so he punched me in the face. Twice. I almost swallowed the toothpick I was chewin’ on and the second punch did this,” he pointed at the scar again, “to me. Boss kept bitchin’ about me chewing on them during my first week for this exact fuckin’ reason. So, yeah, I quit after nearly choking to death on one.”

 

“And I see you don’t smoke either.”

 

Flynn shrugged and picked his phone back up, not taking his gaze off the screen. “I did for a few months. Quit a little before I started livin’ at the apartment. I was sick, my throat was all fucked up, so I took a break to let it heal. Since I moved with them, I figured I might as well quit for good. Boss here was a bad influence.”

 

The way Flynn said ‘bad influence’ had a mocking tone to it, as if he were talking like one of those cops in that stupid DARE program they had to do. The tegu took it in stride, though, with a low chuckle.

 

“Ey, I offered the smokes. You just accepted them on your own accord. Tryin’ to quit myself, to be honest.”

 

“Whatever,” Flynn dismissed him.

 

The talk continued, as well as the drinking. Eventually, Leo started losing a few of his inhibitions. The wolf didn’t notice how he would sometimes show how sad he felt over the way things went.

 

Or would thank Flynn for being his friend out of the blue.

 

Or tell Luiz what he wanted to know about that little anchor bracelet.

 

In hindsight, once the wolf sobered up, he should have known that the tegu was getting him drunk and lowering his guard on purpose to get him to talk. Still, it felt surprisingly good to let it out.

 

“And… and that’s that,” Leo finished his story. “I… I was happy then. But _ahora…”_  

 

 _“Lo siento, Leo.”_ Luiz retorted with genuine sympathy.

 

“Eh… nothing to be done now. I’m still tryin’ to figure what to do with that part of my life. I don’t wanna be alone.”

 

“An young, handsome guy like you won’t be alone for long, darling.” Richard’s voice brought Leo’s attention to his right, where Flynn and the goat were staring at him.

 

_“¿Perdón?”_

 

“You heard me, Mr. Alvarez. You are young, handsome, strong… sure, there’s a few huge aspects of your personality that need a lot of improvement, but so did Flynn here,” Richard briefly put his paw on the gila’s shoulder. Flynn showed a brief grimace, but didn’t seem to take it personally, “and like Lulu and I did.”

 

“Of course, just wantin’ a relationship ‘cause you don’t wanna be alone is the recipe for disaster. If I were ya, I’d first try to focus on myself. In my experience, while you try to improve yourself and just get social, a relationship might slowly creep into your ass before you know it.”

 

Richard was drinking his juice and suddenly started choking on it. Flynn started slapping the goat in the back until the caprine raised one paw, wheezing, and said he was okay.

 

“I see…” Leo looked down at the small anchor hanging from its elastic bracelet. He briefly flicked it with a finger. “I wish I could bring myself to get rid of this.”

 

“I could do it for ya,” Luiz retorted.

 

“I don’t wanna throw it to the trash.”

 

“This is made of tin, maybe aluminium, Leonardo. I could melt and make a ring out of it.”

 

Now that was interesting.

 

“You could wear it on your index finger or somethin’. Think of it as a ring of liberation, made from the past that led you here, but now molded into somethin’ that’s gonna mark the beginnin’ of your new life. Or some shit like that, I ain’t a poet. Rich, do you still have clay from when ya fancied yourself as a sculptor?”

 

Both Leo and Flynn now quickly turned to face the goat. The ibex seemed flustered, then scowled at Luiz.

 

“Yes,” was all he said.

 

“Where did ya put them?”

 

Richard crossed his arms. “The same place the gaming console you planned to give to Carl was stored.”

 

“Oh,” Luiz snorted. It seemed to make Richard look worried. “Yeah, it’s in the ‘Museum of the Great Novelties?’”

 

“Don’t start, Luiz…”

 

“What’s a ‘museum of the great novelties?’” Leo saw fit to ask.

 

“Why, every couple that’s been together long enough have one: It’s the kind of place that you store all the appliances someone wastes money on that they think will positively revolutionize the way we do things, but just get used once or twice. Come.”

 

The tegu walked around the counter and made his way down the inner corridor of the house. Leo and Flynn looked at each other and decided to follow.

 

“I hate you all,” Leo heard Richard deadpan behind them, then his hooves clopping on the ground as the goat started to follow.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


They were in the small ‘reading room’ that the house’s first corridor led to. Chest-high bookshelves covered the walls, with a few volumes piled over them as well. There was a fireplace in there that didn’t appear to be used very much.  Luiz walked to a door right by the one Flynn knew was the bathroom’s.

 

“Behold, the Museum of the Great Novelties!” The tegu opened the storage room’s door and, indeed, it was something to see.

 

Besides two old desks, a pallet with enough canned food to feed them for six months, the place was cluttered with appliances that Flynn recognized instantly as the ‘as seen on TV’ kind of products.

 

The tegu walked in and started searching through the disorganized mess. “Hmm hmm… oh, here, look, Richard! The multi-toaster that would shoot the toasts right on the counters so as to make breakfast much faster!”

 

“Put that thing away, Luiz. I almost got blind when that thing hit me in the eye.”

 

The tegu tossed it aside. “And here, our bread-making machine. With its short debut being a horrible bread not even the hobos wanted to eat.”

 

“Eugh. I still have heartburn from that bread.”

 

“And how about this?” Luiz pointed at a dusty treadmill, “I remember you got it so you could practice your jogging home without the risk of being mugged? Know, that you just used once? Yet you jog with TJ outside anyway.”

 

“I’m naive, Luiz, I thought it’d work. Besides, I _told_ you that it’s not the same as real running.”

 

“Ah, here it is…” Luiz pulled a block of clay and placed it on Leo’s paws. “And my small blowtorch… my eye protectors… let’s go drink some soda to help sober up when I’m done here, then we get this show on the road.”

 

“Why don’t you tell them how you have bought hazmat suits because you were sure the world would end in a nuclear war back in two-thousand-one?”

 

“Hush, Rich,” Luiz looked over his shoulder and then pulled a box from the cluttered pile. Some of the things slid and fell, but the tegu didn’t seem to mind. The gila was surprised they didn’t have the mouldy corpse of that tv salesman in blue shirt tucked somewhere in that room - the goat was likely his best customer.

 

When he turned around, Flynn saw what it was: Written all over it, in golden bold letters, it read ‘GeoNeo.’

 

The tegu handed it to the gila. “Give this to Carl with mine and Richard’s regards.”

 

Flynn looked down at the box he had in his hands. It was heavy. He knew Carl would like it.

 

“Thanks.”

 

 _“De nada._ Now let’s do this.”

 

They went back to the kitchen. Flynn decided to leave the box right next to the door so he wouldn’t forget it, and went back to see Leo and Luiz each drinking a can of guarana soda.

 

After that, the tegu took them outside to the garden. Richard excused himself and went back to his office to ‘take care of some business.’ 

 

Flynn hadn’t seen the outside of his bosses’ place much, so he took in the sights: The trees that they had placed there made it look bucolic and peaceful. Birds chirped amongst its branches and the gila could spot a nest here and there. He also could see why there was a hammock hanging between a japanese maple and a japanese cherry trees - the afternoon sun was filtered through the dense branches and leaves, casting a nice shade over where the hammock was. It was so inviting, that for a moment Flynn caught himself wanting to lay there for a moment. 

 

They passed an indoor swimming pool and the tegu opened another storage room at the back of a long corridor - that was still watched by quite a few cameras, despite having nothing of interest.

 

The tegu dragged out a small propane tank, what Flynn recognized was a homemade foundry, and a small, square object that looked like an ashtray. The older lizard took a seat on the ground and and started connecting the foundry on his blowtorch.

 

“Before we go on, Leonardo, do ya really wanna do it? I know it will be painful, but lettin’ go of things tend to be like that.”

 

Flynn saw Leo’s ears lowering. The wolf reached his right hand up and rubbed his neck, not meeting anyone’s gaze. He then looked down at the small anchor.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Alright.”

 

It took about three hours before they were done. The tegu melted the anchor and the cans’ pop tabs  alongside it. He then took a measure of Leo’s fingers and was pleased to find his wedding band matched the wolf’s left index.

 

The small metal object shaped like an ashtray was where Luiz placed the clay so it would hold itself despite the heat, and used his own ring as a model - sinking it into the wet clay to make a mold, then carefully removing it and placing it back on his ring finger.

 

“Back away now. The clay might explode and send burning metal at ya. I can always scrape the metal and try again, but I don’t wanna anyone hurt,” the tegu said as he picked up the hot smelting cup with a pair of long tongs. Everyone moved back, but Flynn noticed how Leo seemed to be anxious as he stared at the melted slag that used to be an anchor.

 

Luiz slowly poured it down the mold and backed off. The smell of burning aluminium and tin filled the air, as well as the noise of clay fizzling. Meanwhile, the tegu had Leo go back to the house, fill an empty wine bucket with water, and bring it back.

 

When the wolf arrived, the older lizard started heating up the water with his blowtorch. By then, the molten metal started to set. After a few more minutes, the water started to boil, then the tegu picked the ring - the metal now hardened - with his tongs and dunk it into the boiling water.

 

“If the water’s cold and the metal’s still hot, it’ll shatter.”

 

“Ah,” Leo nodded. “Do you make stuff with metal very often?”

 

“I experimented with makin’ ammunition before, in case the real deal gets scarce. Failed with near-lethal results” Luiz replied. He then took the ring out of the bucket and placed it in the palm of his hand. “Still warm, but not that hot. Leo, you can dump the water at the garden. I’ll put the other stuff away and sand this thing - it’s a little rough.” He raised the ring for them to see. The wolf nodded.

 

“I didn’t know ya did this kind of stuff,” Flynn said.

 

“Heh,” the tegu retrieved the needed tools and sandpaper to make the ring actually look nice, instead of just a ring-shaped piece of metal, “we’ve known each other for three years now. There’s still a lot of things ya don’t know about me, kid.”

 

Flynn seemed a little off-put by the answer, despite the tegu’s tone not being accusatory - it was merely an statement.

 

“Glad you’ve been hangin’ out more, tho. Rich kept sayin’ I needed a social life, make one or two _amigos_ and all this shit. And I think he’s right. Besides, that only means you’ll find out more shit about your new _amigo,_ kid.” The tegu briefly looked up from where he had been sitting on the ground, polishing the ring.

 

It took about another hour working on the new ring until it looked good.

 

Leo seemed content with the results. He put it on and looked at his paw. The only thing he questioned was if that wasn’t a little ‘girly’ to use one without it being a wedding or engagement ring. Not sure if it was a joke or not, Flynn resisted the urge to roll his eyes and assured him that it was not.

 

The wolf idly ran his thumb over the smooth surface of his new silvery ring as he looked at it in thought.

 

Flynn knew it was painful to let go of the past like that, but it was necessary. He had seen Leo look somewhat torn once the little anchor started to melt and mix with the other metals. And how he seemed hopeful once it started taking the shape of the ring once it was cast into the mold.

 

 _‘Leo would be fine, if he really wanted to stop being a bitchy asshole,’_ Flynn thought.

 

The tegu then picked what was left of the clay, his blowtorch and protection goggles and went inside the penthouse. The gila saw his chance and followed him in while Leo just sat on the living room couch, staring at his new ring as if it would somehow provide him the answers he needed on what to do with his life.

 

Flynn didn’t know how to start it. In the end, the gila decided to be honest: he stopped outside of the ‘museum’ and waited until the tegu left.

 

Luiz stopped in front of him and arched his brow ridges.

 

“Look, Luiz,” Flynn started, “I’m sorry.”

 

The tegu flashed a confused smile. “For what?”

 

“Ya know what I’m talkin’ about, Luiz.”

 

Luiz’s smile dropped and his features took the tired, worn out look that Flynn knew were his true state of mind.

 

The gila decided to continue: “I… despite all the shit show that was dealin’ with that muskshit and all, and how much I don’t wanna see his fuckin’ face ever again, I don’t hate him. I was afraid that you’d… well, y’know…”

 

“Yeah. I know.” Luiz crossed his arms.

 

“I know how it is when people think ya didn’t change a fuckin’ thing. That you’re always the same cunt you always were. How it’s like to see them pretend everythin’ is just fuckin’ dandy while you know they have their doubts. After you and Chase left, I immediately realized I fucked up.”

 

Luiz sighed and shook his head. “I know. But one thing’s bein’ an asshole. Another is havin’ done some shit that would make ya lose your sleep over it. I could say that you should know better. But, to be fair, even Rich has had his doubts. I don’t blame ya. I… I was a bit hurt, but that’ll pass.”

 

“I see…” Flynn couldn’t meet the tegu’s gaze. “I still feel like shit over that.”

 

“How so?”

 

“I suppose I treated ya in a way I didn’t like to be treated by my friends. I don’t wanna have you think that I see ya as a… as bad as others may think you are. I used to get that kind of shit from others, y’know. And, to be fuckin’ honest with both of us, I know it makes that shit feel worse ‘cause even you might believe what others may think about ya sometimes.” Flynn looked down at the ground. “I know I have…”

 

“About me or about yourself?” Luiz had a cheeky smile and Flynn knew he had understood him.

 

“Self-hatred is a bitch, ain’t it?” Flynn answered the tegu’s question with another that let what the young lizard meant to say clear.

 

“Yeah, yeah it is.”

 

They fell into a silence again. Flynn’s gaze strayed into the nearest book shelf, and he found something odd.

 

Amongst political volumes - mostly Left-wing literature - there were children’s books. His gaze briefly landed on ‘Where The Wild Things Are.’ The small book was worn with age and Flynn knew it likely was older than Toby.

 

Flynn recalled how jealous he felt of other kids, for having parents that would love them, read such stories to them instead of The Book of Mormon or other Church-approved bullshit.

 

It was a long time ago and, for years, the gila felt pathetic to ever having craved it. A childish dream.

 

But now, he realized he had wanted some warmth.

 

Luiz and Richard didn’t have kids. Flynn remembered how Richard confessed - with some regret - he didn’t allow Luiz to adopt.

 

The tegu followed Flynn’s gaze. “Hm? Oh, it’s somethin’ I used to read to Eleanor. My mother in law, Yoko, had died at childbirth. I didn’t meet her. But Henry Sr. was always busy, so the servants, Rich and I were the ones that watched over her. I think Elle was about four or five when Rich found me.”

 

“I see.”

 

“I didn’t mind lookin’ over her. I love the kid. Of course,” the tegu grew a fond smile as he looked down at the worn book, “I read it and other stories to her in my own manner. It helped that my English wasn’t that good then.”

 

“Like how?” Flynn looked at the tegu.

 

“Where’s the motherfuckin’ wild things are?” Luiz said. “Once upon a time, there was this fuckin’ lazy bitch who couldn’t bother walkin’ on the road and decided to go through the woods. Her name was Little Red Ridin’ Hood. Say that three times fast now, Elle, and you’ll get a chocolate.”

 

Despite everything, Flynn let out an amused snort. “Yeah, I can see why she’s the way she is now.”

 

“Yeah…”

 

They were in silence once more.

 

“Know,” Flynn started again, he met Luiz’s gaze now, “my parents never read to me. Only the Book of Mormon, mostly.”

 

“Yeah. Mine did the same with the Bible. Nothin’ beats a chill bedtime story of a narcissistic tyrant dooming all mankind over and over again.”

 

Flynn licked his lips slowly. He knew how fucking awful that felt. But it also made him decide to follow the advice the older lizard had given to him a year or so ago: To say what’s on his mind not just for the bad, but for the good also.

 

“Fuckin’ shame Rich didn’t wanna let you have a kid. I think… I think they’d have liked havin’ ya as a father. Even if you can be a creepy asshole at times.”

 

Luiz let out a bitter chuckle and shrugged. The tegu reached into the pockets of his pants and retrieved his ever-present pack of smokes and a lighter. He lit it up and took a drag, then spoke - slowly blowing out the smoke he had inhaled before. “And your parents were stupid assholes. They should’ve be proud of havin’ ya as a kid. Even if ya don’t think so at times. Even if you’re a fucking prick sometimes.”

 

“I suppose…” Flynn assented.

 

The two lizards briefly side-hugged.

 

“It’s gettin’ late,” Luiz said, “take Leo home. He can come back for his truck after work tomorrow. I think I’ll pull him back to watch the company, so he won’t handle the general public and work on the cars. But don’t tell him that. I still wanna see how he behaves.”

 

“Sure. Seeya, old man.” Flynn nodded and patted Luiz in the back. The tegu did the same to the younger lizard.

 

“Seeya, kid. Give my regards to your _lince_ and your _amigos.”_

 

“Will do.”

 

With that, Flynn walked off to fetch Leo and say his goodbyes to Richard.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


TJ’s ears perked up at the sight of Flynn’s truck pulling over the sidewalk of Bullseye. The lynx had decided to drop by the grocery store after work and grab some things before they actually ran out of them in the pantry.

 

It was also an excuse for him to drop by the pharmacy and buy some more lube. They were running out of it.

 

At least, he could ask Flynn to make tabouleh that night, with the wheat he had purchased. Flynn’s truck stopped and the passenger door opened for TJ. He got in and their muzzles met in a kiss.

 

Only after the lynx had been done with closing the door and fastening his seatbelt, that Flynn started to drive.

 

“How was work?” The gila asked.

 

TJ smiled and shrugged. “Same as usual. I think I’m starting to befriend two other coworkers. Frederick and Luke.”

 

“The bear and the squirrel ya were talkin’ to yesterday?”

 

“Yeah! They’re nice. Only Luke’s a bit… nosy. And likes to talk too much. But he’s cool.”

 

“Feh, never been fond of people who yap their fuckin’ mouths away.”

 

“You grew pretty close to Luiz, and he likes to talk.”

 

TJ saw Flynn furrow his ridges and lick his lips. For a moment, he thought he had upset his boyfriend.

 

Then the gila assented.

 

“True. I suppose I’m lowerin’ my standards.” He punctuated that with a chuckle.

 

“Is that why we’re together?” TJ decided to tease.

 

“What? Oh, fuck no. If anything, _you_ lowered yours.”

 

The lynx chuckled and shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a very forgiving person.”

 

“Ouch,” Flynn looked briefly at him, then back at the road, “this was supposed to be the time you’d say that I’m not as bad as I say I am and all that shit.”

 

“Oh?” TJ’s ears drooped briefly, “Sorry.”

 

“Nah, I’m just messin’ with ya, Toby.” Flynn retorted. TJ’s ears perked up and, after a few seconds, Flynn looked back at TJ. “But I’m glad that you worry.”

 

“I’d be an awful partner if I didn’t.” TJ said, stating the obvious.

 

“Yeah. That’s true.”

 

The lynx settled in the comfortable silence that followed their trip home, theirs were being one of the few vehicles on the street at that hour.

 

It was when he noticed something that caught his attention. It was a box of some video game system he didn’t know.

 

“What’s that box in the back, there?”

 

“Hm?” Flynn almost looked back, but stopped halfway to focus back on the road. “Ah. Carl’s birthday gift, from Luiz and Richard.”

 

“I thought his birthday was yesterday. Didn’t we even call to congratulate him?

 

“Yeah. But I forgot tellin’ the old man. He and Rich seem to have grown fond of Carl as well.”

 

This time, the young lynx felt a little playful. With a feigned expression of innocence, he shrugged. “What can I say? We’re awesome.”

 

“That, we fuckin’ are.” Flynn chuckled.

 

TJ didn’t know how Flynn’s day went. But he certainly felt better than when he had ran into Chase. The feline presumed that meant Flynn and Luiz managed to talk about the incident and solve it.

 

His partner had told him everything about it. They had waited until Leo was asleep so Flynn could vent without risking the wolf overhearing it. TJ did his best to console his lizard, hugging his larger frame and staying close to him like that until he fell asleep. But Flynn still seemed a little preoccupied the next morning, when TJ went to work.

 

Another interesting bit of news Tobias had was that Chase had found a job. While he didn’t talk with Chase as of late - for obvious reasons - his mom and Chase’s still maintained contact. Apparently, the otter had been doing better and was doing some freelance editing and journalistic work.

 

Chase doing well made the young lynx feel better not just because of that on its own, but also because it meant little chances of him meeting Flynn by chance while looking for a job. TJ asked his mom if she knew what his former friend wanted to do and, apparently, he planned to eventually move to a bigger city - if he couldn’t get a job writing or editing historical and archeological articles for specialized sites.

 

Little things like these were what started making the lynx recover his faith in God, he told to Richard. How, sometimes, things started to solve themselves.

 

Yet, TJ wasn’t naive: He knew their decisions played the main role in how their lives went. He knew how people were responsible for themselves.

 

It made him even more glad to have jumped at the lake that day four years ago.

 

Knowing they would all be alright made TJ happy. He leaned back against the large passenger seat of Flynn’s truck and sighed contently, idly watching the few people going about their business on the sidewalk as the evening went on.


	46. Domesticity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another weekend at Absynthe Apartments #217, Abriendo Ave. in Pueblo.
> 
> We see TJ and Flynn's perspectives of their new routine in the crowded apartment now Leo is crashing with them. A visit from Carl with his girlfriend and a few actions by Flynn result in both the gila and the lynx thinking about the past in Echo and the few loose ends from the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once more, a huge thank you to my bf for proofreading this for major crimes against the English language XD
> 
> I will attach the best images I can get from Floorplanner showing their apartment, located on the second floor of the seventh two-store apartment building in a complex of eight such buildings.

**Domesticity**

 

_“And here I have my friend Jenna Begay. Like Flynn and TJ, Jenna has grown up with me and I called her in here because her expertise was needed - and Eleanor is holding the camera,” a female voice - Eleanor’s - could be heard chuckling._

 

_The ram turned to face Jenna. “Alright, here’s the deal: Do you like gaming?”_

 

_Jenna’s ears briefly splayed, then perked up again and she shrugged. “Not often, but yeah.”_

 

_“Good,” Carl chuckled to himself, “but don’t you agree the gaming industry is usually aimed at cisgender males?”_

 

_“Well, yeah, I mean, isn’t most of the things in nowadays society?”_

 

_“True, true. So, next question: Do you like Japan?”_

 

_“Well, I’m not a Japanophile, but I do enjoy anime and manga,” the fennec answered honestly._

 

_Eleanor could be heard coughing and saying ‘Fujoshi’ behind the camera. Jenna briefly gave the goat a glare, then turned her attention back to Carl._

 

 _“Well, then you’re in luck, Jenna! Because in the nineties, Japanese company Tassio - the same one that makes the keyboards and watches - decided to make a console_ exclusively _for girls!”_

 

_The ram reached to his side and deposited a pink and purple video game console on Jenna’s lap. The fennec looked down at it with an expression of bemusement, her ears drooping once more, then back at Carl._

 

_“Behold, Jenna, the Tassio Loony!”_

 

_“Gee. Thanks.” Jenna’s tone was as flat as it could get._

 

_“You’re welcome! Just don’t play too hard - gotta return it to Flynn’s boss when this is done. By the way - here’s a shout to you dude: thanks for the gift and for loaning your Loony for my video while you guys do your spring cleaning! Elle should give it back to ya tomorrow.”_

 

“I have to say, while I think the whole ‘lets plays’ kind of shit is stupid, I must admit the ones he make with us and the old games are kinda amusing,” Flynn’s voice took TJ’s focus from his phone, where he had been watching Carl’s latest upload.

 

“Hm?” His ears twitched. “Ah, yeah. I prefer these reviews too.” TJ looked back at the screen and chuckled at Jenna’s face as Carl explained the marketing process of the console - full of stereotypically female and girly tropes. Jenna’s face kept looking more and more sour as the ram talked.

 

After two weeks of conflicting schedules, the four of them finally had two day offs in a row. Which meant that they were lazing about on that Saturday until it would be imperative for them to get out of bed.

 

And what better way to spend a warm lazy day than snug in bed with a handsome gila monster by his side? With their conflicting working schedules, TJ’s classes, and Flynn showing the town to Leo, it had been a while since the lynx could just relax and enjoy Flynn’s company without any pressing matters to take them away from each other.

 

The lynx felt Flynn’s arm shift beneath his head and he lifted it for a moment, allowing the lizard to free it. Likely, it had grown numb from being used as a pillow for so long. The gila shifted in bed and Tobias felt his naked crotch brush against his side. Knowing that they would have two days off in a row, the two didn’t waste time in loving each other that previous evening.

 

It was as if, no matter how tired, they would still find energy for some ‘wrestling,’ as TJ thought of it.

 

Flynn yawned and rubbed his eyes. “I wish they had come up with more shit to trigger these social justice people. Jenna’s face is fuckin’ hilarious here.”

 

“Well, I can tell she’s actually having fun still,” TJ said. Flynn merely nodded.

 

_“And… why does it have just one controller?” Jenna asked with one raised eyebrow. “I know it’s weird, but, ah, did they think gamer girls had no friends or something?”_

 

_“True! Isn’t it an old stereotype of girls throwing slumber parties and stuff like that?” Carl asked. Jenna nodded, “I think they’d have thought of that. Imagine how well that would have went with just one controller port.”_

 

_The screen quickly changed to a black-and-white image of Carl wearing a negligee and a wig with pigtails trying to play the game while Eleanor and Jenna wearing girly outfits hit each other with pillows in the background while giggling in an stereotypically girly manner._

 

“Know,” Flynn’s voice brought the lynx’s focus back to his boyfriend, “I think we’ll have to get up soon. I mean, Carl said he’d drop by after giving that pink and purple abomination back to the old man. We still haven’t unclogged what ya did in the shower drain.”

 

Flynn grinned as he said that and TJ’s ears lowered as the lynx blushed. The gila was just teasing him, but Tobias felt shame all the same. Besides, it wasn’t just his fur that clogged it. Jenna and Leo were shedding too!

 

“Not all of it is gray, Flynn.” TJ deadpanned.

 

The gila yawned and stretched again. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. It’s still funny to see how you look when you see me retrieving enough hair to make another one of ya from the drain every month.”

 

“You could just pour drain cleaner before we leave to work. It should melt it during the eight hours or more we’re out. No need to shove your paw in there - it’s disgusting.  My mom does that.”

 

“Hey, that _was_ glued on ya, Toby. I mean, considering where I had my mouth on last night…” Flynn smirked in amusement. TJ blushed harder and his ears lowered.

 

“I know, but there’s a difference: What you, uhm, well, y’know… it’s still part of me. As soon as it’s not attached to my body, it’s disgusting and I don’t wanna touch it anymore.”

 

“Like what? Flicking a booger off?”

 

The lynx’s ears splayed. “Yeah. I suppose…” He assented, then paused the video to look at Flynn.

 

“What?”

 

TJ smiled. “Nothing. It’s rare to see you in such a good mood. It makes me happy that you’re happy.”

 

“You’re fuckin’ sappy, Teej.” The gila leaned forward and planted a kiss on TJ’s forehead. “But I like ya anyway.”

 

“Well, I hope so,” it was time for TJ to try and tease back, “because you’re stuck with me.”

 

“Oh. No. I’m damned.” Flynn retorted with sarcasm. TJ’s ears lowered at the language, but he decided to ignore it.

 

“Let’s finish watching this vid. Then we’ll start our day,” the lynx announced. Flynn shrugged and TJ knew that meant he agreed.

 

They spent until late morning together. Long after the video had ended. Neither of them complained when the lynx put his phone aside and stretched again. Or when he wrapped his arms around Flynn. Or when the gila just huffed and slid both of them back into a lying-down position and they both drifted off into a two hour-long nap.

 

One hour after waking up, TJ found himself sitting at the kitchen table, seeing Flynn and Leo trying to cooperate with the home chores.

 

“Can you give the screwdriver again?” Leo said from his place beneath the kitchen sink. TJ stopped watching the TV and did as he had been asked to.

 

They had found out the drainpipe would sometimes leak and, as the landlord was dragging his feet to get that checked, Flynn and Leo decided to get to the bottom of the matter themselves.

 

Not that TJ was complaining. All he had to do was sit down by the kitchen table and give the tools either of the other two guys asked for. Plus - even if he wouldn’t admit - the way Flynn had positioned himself gave him a pretty good view of the lizard’s ass. TJ quickly learned he would never tire to look at it - even though he preferred when it wasn’t trapped in a fabric prison.

 

Then there was the gila’s member. It was average, but Toby still liked how it looked. And felt. And smelled. The lynx still couldn’t decide what part of Flynn he liked more - he also idly wondered if describing a man’s penis as ‘aesthetically pleasing’ was a thing. Maybe the internet would know.

 

It was a good thing they would have that Sunday off too: it meant TJ could do something about that later, after Leo and Jenna went to bed.

 

Tobias blushed as his thoughts started drifting into naughty territory and decided to look at his other roommate before he pitched a tent. 

 

Jenna took a break from her studying and was now watching some live-action Japanese comedy show. It was about some red panda in an office or something like that - TJ didn’t pay much attention, though he found the protagonist cute.

 

At the moment, they were trying to get a sloppily connected pipe to come loose. It wasn’t screwed right and whoever did it had also glued them. So now Flynn tried unscrewing it with a wrench while Leo tried to force the other half of the connection with a thick screwdriver.

 

“OW! Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Leo!” Flynn dropped the heavy tool on the wolf’s chest and pulled back, holding his hand up. The screwdriver Leo was using to force the connection loose had slipped and accidentally stabbed Flynn’s index finger.

 

“Hold on!” TJ dropped his phone on the kitchen table and ran to his bedroom. The lynx didn’t need to look for his first-aid kit. It was on the wall shelf by the door, right with Flynn's small TV that he had planned to sell, but ended up placing in their now shared room.

 

When he started taking his nurse classes, TJ figured that - with the amount of injuries his friends had suffered in the past years - he would assemble something to take care of possible emergencies.

 

As he tucked the bag underneath his arm and went back to the living room, Tobias acknowledged it was more or less to comfort himself for what happened in Echo.

 

When he came back, TJ saw Leo standing up, half-sitting on the kitchen counter with his ears hung low like a puppy who had been caught stealing from a cookie jar. He could hear the water running in the bathroom and figured Jenna was helping Flynn wash his wound.

 

Good. It would be less likely to infect. Even so, TJ wanted to give it a look.

 

Before the lynx made his way to the bathroom, Jenna and Flynn came back. Flynn’s finger had a bit of skin hanging from it and, indeed, the cut was a little deep, but not enough to leave more than a scar.

 

“Can you move your finger?” TJ asked as he started retrieving the materials to suture the gila’s wound, while ignoring his anxiety.

 

Flynn frowned and moved his finger. “Yeah, it just cut some of the skin.”

 

“Alright,” TJ said, “uh, sit down. This will hurt a little.”

 

“Been stitched before. I know the drill.”

 

The next twenty minutes were spent in silence as the lynx did his work. After he was done stitching it, he told Flynn the usual: Not get the cuts dirty, to not do much activity with that hand, and to keep an eye for infections. The gila simply responded to each instruction with a ‘mhm’ with a grimace still on his face.

 

TJ put the materials back in his bag and carefully wrapped the used needle in the thick wrapper it came from, before discarding it. The lynx then went to sit on the couch, deciding to take his bag back to the bedroom later - he just wanted to calm down first.

 

“Uh, sorry man,” Leo said while still looking down.

 

“Fuck you, Leo. Next time pay attention before ya do that. Now you’re on your own.”

 

The wolf sighed. “Fine. Can you at least open the sink when I’m done so we can check for leaks?”

 

“Hm.” Flynn pressed his scaly lips together, but didn’t move to the futon, which Leo considered an ‘yes.’

 

With that, the wolf continued his work on the sink. TJ’s ears twitched with the sound of him trying to dislodge the badly-connected pipes.

 

“Guys… this isn’t good. I think we’ll have to buy another. The last guy who installed these wore down the connections. They won’t screw.”

 

“Hm. I might swing by the groceries to get mushrooms after Carl leaves, so isn’t that big of a deal to drop by HomeWares and get the replacement before it closes. You’ll be comin’ with me, though, Leo.”

 

“Alright.” Leo pulled himself off from beneath the sink and sat back up. “Gonna take a shower now.”

 

“Sure.” Flynn didn’t look at Leo, the gila having decided to pick TJ’s phone that he had forgotten on the table and go to the futon, taking his seat between TJ and Jenna.

 

The fennec’s ears splayed a little as she got pushed aside, but TJ’s ears perked up.

 

“Thanks,” the lynx briefly smiled and pocketed his phone. “So… what do you plan to make for dinner?”

 

“I think I’ll make strogonoff. Not sure. I just wanna eat mushrooms, really.”

 

“I like ‘shrooms,” was all that Tobias could say.

 

“I know.” Flynn looked down at TJ, and the young feline noticed a hint of smile on his muzzle. It made TJ smile as well.

 

“You two are adorable, know that?” Jenna said from her end of the futon, a sly smile on her face. As much as it was a bad stereotype, TJ agreed that expression fit the vixen very well.

 

Despite being okay with what they had, Tobias never could help but blush whenever people commented on him and his relationship. Flynn, on the other hand, just wrapped his tail around the lynx’s legs and smirked at Jenna. The gila opened his mouth and TJ knew he was about to tease her, but he closed it and shrugged, before looking back at the TV - even if he wasn’t really watching the show Jenna had been binging since that morning.

 

TJ wondered what made Flynn refrain from teasing Jenna back, but he decided to let the matter slide for now.

  
  


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It had been one week and two days since Chase had written an article about what life was like in Echo.

 

Of course, he decided to leave a few things out. Specifically, some bad things that he and people of his old friend group had done. And the… more unexplainable things.

 

To be fair, he didn’t know what he planned when writing it. He just felt like it. In-between editing other people’s articles and writing others (all together paid very little and took a lot of his free time), the mustelid figured it could work as some kind of criticism to how forgotten such communities were.

 

Only a little before he was about to publish it, Chase decided to remove any reference to the town being Echo from the article. He justified it by writing that he wanted anyone from a dying town to be represented there.

 

In truth, Chase simply had heard a lot of talk about the town from his former… companion. Whoever had occupied his thoughts, he once in a while would let out bits and pieces of information about the town.

 

Echo, however, was a dying town. Chase knew the population would keep dropping. Probably even the Hendricks would eventually get a better house somewhere else in Arizona - there were other, nicer towns. Maybe even Payton, if they prefer to be located around the same general area in the county.

 

That town brought nothing good to his life, Chase knew that. The good moments were not enough to erase the bad. And it all came to a head that fateful late afternoon at Lake Emma.

 

If he could help it, Chase would starve that town to death.

 

With that, the otter removed its name, as well as the names of obvious landmarks (like Lake Emma) from his article. He finished editing it and touching on his explanation that it would be dedicated to everyone who lived in forgotten communities in a country that had enough wealth to give everyone opportunity to thrive. He then submitted it to a journal of his choice, a place headquartered in Boston, after further reworking his article to meet its guidelines.

 

Then he forgot about it and continued with his routine: Wake up, shit, shower, eat, edit all day, take out the trash, take a shower, eat, edit articles a little more, sleep. 

 

“Chase, son? Everything alright?”

 

His mother’s voice brought him back from his reverie.

 

“Hm?” Chase had left his bedroom door open, but since he left the asylum, his mother had been asking before entering anyway.

 

“I called you for lunch about half an hour ago. Your food’s getting cold.”

 

“Ah, okay. I’ll be right down, mom. Just working on something here.”

 

“Okay,” his mother forced a smile, but Chase could see how sad she looked.

 

He tried to reconnect with his parents during his stay at home, but he didn’t have much success. Chase was a stranger to them, and he knew it.

 

Chase wanted to smoke, but his parents wouldn’t let him do it inside home. Fair enough, he figured, but if he got down, it’d be only polite to eat before going outside for a smoke. So it was easier to stall for time editing a humorous article about five bizarre movie productions from some unfunny humour site named cracking.com or something like that.

 

It was hard to find things funny still. However, the otter still spoke to his shrink from time to time. She told him it would be normal as he adjusted back to life.

 

She also told him to take a break and try to find ways to enjoy his life from time to time.

 

Chase gave his work an once-over and was satisfied with the results. He then submitted it back to the writer, as usual, asking if there is anyone else they would like to be done with it, and decided to go downstairs to eat.

 

If he told anyone about how he felt, Chase was sure they would imagine he was miserable. In reality, he was just still a little lost, trying to find his way in the world.

 

But he would.

 

He just hoped to connect - or rather, reconnect - with his parents before something big happened in his life.

 

Not one person in Pueblo - or, indeed, anywhere - were aware of the interest in with which an editor had finished reading his submission and emailed it to another peer for further review.

  
  


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At some point in the early afternoon, Leo had pulled a chair next to the futon and was watching television with his friends. TJ was still full from the food Flynn had cooked for them (even if they had to get water from the bathroom sink).

 

“I wonder why every weekend programming’s shittier than usual.” Flynn commented.

 

“I suppose it’s because they know poor people are trapped in their homes without anywhere to go, so it’s either watch this or get out and do something on a budget.” Jenna said.

 

“That’s why I like fishing. It’s what? The fifth fuckin’ time they reprise this show about high-schoolers singin’?”

 

Jenna rolled her eyes and changed the channel. Infomercials, tv show about pawn shops in what should be a history documentary channel, stupid show of women freaking out, stupid show about fat people, news - in Spanish, and they eventually settled down on a documentary about sanitariums in the seventies.

 

“Well, I suppose this one is more relevant to your interests,” Flynn said to Jenna.

 

The fennec shrugged. “Studied that before. It’s still an interesting subject. Shows how far we came from that.”

 

“I don’t like seeing lobotomy footage,” TJ finally said. “I dunno, it’s hard to think how they even thought that sticking an ice pick in someone’s eye socket and hammering it in was a good idea.”

 

“You can say that about ninety percent of all ideas that people ever had.”

 

There was a knock on the door.

 

“Fuck, finally!” Flynn got up from the futon where he had been squeezing between the two smaller residents of the apartment and opened the door. Carl was standing there, Eleanor by his side.

 

“Hey dude! Can we come in?”

 

“No. We’re gonna talk to ya at the door.”

 

It took a brief second, before realization hit Carl and he stepped in. The ram wrapped Flynn’s chest in a hug before the gila could do anything. Eleanor walked right after and took the chance that Flynn had his hands hanging free to pick give him a handshake.

 

“Wow, what the fuck happened to your finger?” The goat lifted the gila’s hand up for a closer look.

 

Carl let go and looked at Flynn’s right hand, following Eleanor’s gaze.

 

“Leo and I were tryin’ to fix the sink and that fuckin’ moron managed to stab me with a screwdriver. Teej stitched it, though.”

 

“Coulda been worse, coulda been like this.” Eleanor brushed some fur aside from his right index and middle fingers to show a few messy scars.

 

“Mhm.” Flynn just nodded - TJ knew he was barely paying attention - and closed the door.

 

Meanwhile, Carl had quickly shaken paws with Leo and Jenna briefly got up from the couch to let the ram give her a quick hug. Then the ram’s bulky frame - faintly smelling of marijuana - blocked TJ’s view of the TV.

 

The lynx looked up and extended his own paw for Carl to shake.

 

“I thought you watched my stuff because I’m your friend and all. I’m really happy that you like it!” Carl told him as they shook paws.

 

“Well, yeah! You’re pretty funny when you’re gaming.”

 

“Aw, does it mean that I’m unfunny?” Carl pretended to be hurt. Before TJ could answer, Flynn spoke:

 

“Damn right, fatass.” The gila chuckled and the ram made a sad expression that was even more forced than the one before it. “Ouch. I come here just to be wounded by my friends.”

 

Eleanor, who had been looking at the partially-dismantled plumbing, turned around to face her boyfriend. “Uh, ya know I love ya, a’ight? But I have to go with Flynn this time.” She grinned, flashing her gold tooth lining up with the scar on the right side of her muzzle.

 

“Et tu, Brute?” Carl put his paws over his heart.

 

“What?” The goat raised one eyebrow.

 

“It’s from Shakespeare. Nevermind,” the ram tried to explain, but decided to just shrug it off. The goat blinked at him, then shrugged herself and looked back down at the pipes on the ground.

 

“So, may I sit down?” Carl pointed at the now-vacant spot on the futon. TJ briefly looked at Flynn, who had been about to come back to his seat.

 

“Lemme just do somethin’ real quick,” the gila said and walked around the futon. TJ’s ears swiveled to follow him as he tried to figure out what he had in mind.

 

It was then when Flynn’s right arm hooked beneath his legs - right behind his knees - and his left wrapped around his backs. With a grunt from the gila, TJ felt himself being lifted up.

 

The lynx yelped but, as soon as it started, it ended when Flynn sat down in his place and placed the feline on his lap.

 

“There we go.”

 

TJ’s ears drooped and he blushed a little. It was unexpected: Flynn never cuddled in front of others. Nor did he usually start it.

 

But the lynx wouldn't complain and nobody seemed to pay that much attention. Only Jenna gave it a brief chuckle.

 

Carl, in the meantime, quickly plopped himself on the free space, further pushing Flynn and Jenna aside with his girth. “So, guys, how are you doin’?”

 

Flynn shrugged, his tail wrapping around TJ’s legs. He also had his right arm wrapping the lynx in a half-hug. “Eh, same old, same old. Just enjoyin’ one our first time off together in a month.”

 

“That’s the advantage of being my own boss!” Carl grinned. “Of course, the disadvantage is that I have to keep popping out videos. Hmm.”

 

“Running out of ideas?” TJ asked.

 

“Nah, let’s plays are easy. I just made a video with Flynn, you, and Jenna. Now I’m tryin’ to figure what I can do with Leo.”

 

Flynn opened his mouth to say something, but TJ figured whatever would come out would be offensive, so he decided to intervene:

 

“Eh, he knows a lot about cars. Why not some of these car flipper games and such?”

 

“Hm. Maybe. Tha suits him well, but so does Elle.”

 

Everyone turned to look at the goat.

 

“What?” She asked.

 

“I just told ‘em that you know a lot about cars,” Carl said.

 

She shrugged. “I think so. Studied Automotive Engineering for four years in Kyoto,” she briefly squatted down to pick up the discarded, broken pipes in order to look closer. “Was among the last in my class to graduate, tho. In my defense, I was never fluent in Japanese and they are much more demandin’ than teachers here.”

 

“Ah,” TJ said… alongside Jenna and Leo. Flynn had just nodded. It was funny when they all said something simultaneously.

 

“So, do you understand some Japanese?” Jenna asked.

 

“A little. I go to Japan once a year. I’ll take Carl with me this time. Now I remember: you’re the Fujoshi who likes manga, ain’t cha? Mmm… there’s somethin’ I forgot to ask when ya dropped by our place… say, ya wouldn’t happen to play on both teams?” Eleanor grinned in a predatory manner that TJ found hilarious to see on a herbivore’s face.

 

TJ had to admit it was somewhat interesting to see Jenna flustered and caught off-guard once. The fennec quickly recovered her composure, however.

 

“Erm, sorry, I believe we have… incompatible orientations.”

 

Eleanor laughed “Too bad. And ya owe me two hundred bucks, Carl.”

 

Jenna now turned to the ram by her right, glaring daggers at him. Carl let out a nervous chuckle.

 

“She commented that you were cute on the way here and I told her she wouldn’t have the balls to ask ya, that’s all. I might have bet she wouldn’t do it.”

 

“Hm.” Jenna crossed her arms, her ears splayed and a grimace plastered on her face. But it quickly disappeared as her ears perked up again and she turned to the goat doe. “So, ever read Initial D?”

 

“I _love_ that manga! I have the entire collection! From the mangas, to the animes, OVAs and even the live-action! I have everything ever made about it that you can possibly imagine! Here, lemme show ya” Eleanor said as she fished her phone from the pocket of her leather jacket. Jenna actually got up from the futon and pulled a chair to sit by the goat’s side at the table.

 

“That ought keep Jenna busy for hours,” Flynn muttered to TJ’s ear. The lynx chuckled and nodded.

 

“Isn’t a little hot for leather jackets?” TJ asked.

 

“I think she’s like Carl: Likes to wear winter clothes in warm weather. Bet her pits smell as awful too.”

 

“Aw, c’mon, dude! It’s just our style.”

 

“Or lack thereof.” Flynn grinned.

 

“So says the guy who owns ten of the same shirt.”

 

“To be honest,” TJ raised a paw, “he has five of his old white shirts he used for work, five of the black pants, two black ties he still uses at work, three security uniforms - pants and shirt - four jeans pants, four shorts, eleven boxer briefs, two sweatpants and his security hat. That’s all, I think.”

 

“And you two got to that point you know how many briefs he has?” Carl laughed and TJ immediately regretted having come to Flynn’s aid. “Ey, no, that’s nice! We have no idea how many outfits we have. I know she’s got two of the same jacket, but our other clothes are all over the place.”

 

“No surprise.”

 

“We’re tidying our place up, little by little, I promise. I tidied up the living room and the bedroom while Elle cleaned the bathroom yesterday.”

 

“Good. Your place should be tidy in a matter of decades.” Flynn leaned back against the futon, making TJ lean back a little as well. The gila’s hand was still on Tobias’ stomach.

 

“So,” TJ started, “when can we drop by your place? More than just a few minutes, I mean.”

 

“Hm? Oh, I dunno. If everything works out, by next weekend it should be fine.”

 

“Assuming we won’t be workin’ then,” Flynn said.

 

“Well, yeah. But at least it should be fine after that anyway. Maybe I could even make a Q&A video with you guys.”

 

“Oh? Uhm, that would be… different.” TJ said, unsure. He looked up to see what would be Flynn’s reaction.

 

His boyfriend just shrugged. “Not into that shit, but whatever.”

 

It was the closest Flynn would admit that he was okay with it.

 

The talk continued on until mid-afternoon. Carl actually wanted to invite them for his unboxing video from when vtube sent him his ‘Gold Play Button’ award.

 

“I owe all of this, all this popularity, to you guys. It would only be fair to have you in my video.” Carl said with a frankly sweet smile.

 

TJ couldn’t help but like hearing that. Despite everything, despite being the first of their group to actually get over his own inner demons and go on to make a living doing what he liked, Carl was still close to them.

 

Even though he still regretted the loss of Chase, the lynx understood why he wanted to distance himself from the rest of them.

 

Thinking of Chase brought TJ a horrible feeling. It wasn’t like he hadn’t begged Flynn’s forgiveness more than once. But what he never mentioned was how he most likely would have kept the gila’s death a secret.

 

His ears lowered now, and the lynx zoned out from the talk in the living room. He still felt Flynn’s large hand around his stomach and he wondered how he would feel if he knew that.

 

Then again, he couldn’t tell for sure if Flynn would really kill them or if his screaming was just out of (justifiable) rage.

 

TJ took a deep breath and exhaled from his nostrils slowly, trying to weigh in what he knew of Flynn - then and now. He could be intimidating, rude, abrasive and even outright mean at times.

 

But, looking at Carl as the ram and Flynn were engaged in some conversation about if video games or fishing being the most useless hobby, the lynx also knew he was insanely loyal to his friends and others that somehow managed to win his favor.

 

He also recalled how Flynn rarely fought. He barely lifted a hand when Leo would hit him back then.

 

That rage that the lizard had that late afternoon… it wasn’t natural. As much as a sneering, grumpy bully that Flynn was, the lynx thought he wouldn’t just kill him and Chase. Not by himself.

 

Something weird happened in that town. Many weird things, in fact.

 

 _‘I just wanted the truth…’_ was what Flynn once told him, a few days after his talk with Chase in the hospital.

 

The look of utter dejection and misery was something TJ would never forget. He supposed Flynn felt betrayed. Maybe even correctly so.

 

Might have been why it was so hard for him to let others approach him.

 

Maybe he didn’t want to risk losing other people and hurting over it. Or having people close to him hurt him themselves. TJ laid a brief look at Leo with that thought.

 

Yeah… TJ loved Echo. His friends were from there. He had some genuinely fond memories of that town. But they didn’t outweigh the bad.

 

As much as he now itched to wait until they were alone in their now shared bedroom to talk to him about it, Tobias decided to not talk about that subject. He didn’t want to ask Flynn if he would still love him if he knew he’d have been accomplice to his murder.

 

Then again, the gila was observant. Very much so. He knew TJ was lying. So maybe he has suspected that as well: If TJ already kept his mouth shut about one death, what would it be about another? Especially of a guy that kidnapped him.

 

Even if he could have fought back like he had done with Chase in the woods.

 

The lynx gave it all some thought and, finally, reached a conclusion: It did not matter.

 

In the end, they were all in the wrong. Flynn had been right. Carla had been right. Trying to see which one was the worse would be fruitless. Would lead to them just walk in circles and go nowhere. Always trapped in that cycle of guilt, suffering and resentment.

 

It dawned on TJ that he had come a long way to be the man he was that day, sitting on his lover’s lap. With one last thought about Echo and its memories, TJ decided to discard that person he used to be forever - like the town.

 

And just focus on the future from then on.

 

“Earth to TJ. Are ya prayin’?” Flynn asked.

 

“Hm?” His ears perked up and he looked up at the lizard. “Sorry, I was thinking about your finger.”

 

“That’s what he said,” Eleanor chimed in from the kitchen table. The others briefly laughed at her comment and TJ blushed while Flynn just looked at the goat with a sour expression. The laughter started to quiet down.

 

“It’ll be fine, Toby. I have nine more,” Flynn gave TJ a hint of a smile. The lynx smiled back

 

“It would be so easy to make a joke ‘bout that, that I won’t,” the goat said and went back to talk with Jenna about how psychology was somewhat underdeveloped in Japan.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Carl and Eleanor had to leave by early evening. With that, Flynn went to the bedroom in order to put some pants and a shirt on - he didn’t like to go around wearing shorts in public.

 

Now the gila just leaned against his truck and waited until Leo would come down to join him.

 

It didn’t take long for the wolf to come out. He just walked to the passenger side of Flynn’s truck and nodded at the gila. Both of them then got in and Flynn decided to head straight away to the hardware store.

 

Out of nowhere, the wolf finally decided to speak:

 

“I know you’re still mad about what happened back then. I just wanna say that I wish I didn’t have hurt you, Flynn. I think… I was thinking only about myself.”

 

Flynn rolled his eyes, but kept his focus on the road soon after. “You were thinkin’ about that muskshit, Leo.”

 

“Look, I know. I fucked up, okay? I know I can’t fix it, but- _puchica,_ Flynn! Can’t you see that I really wanna be your friend again?”

 

The gila let out a sarcastic snort. “And just like that?”

 

“What else do you want me to do? What does it take for me to be accepted again? To be nearly ki-”

 

Before Leo could finish, Flynn slammed the brakes. The wolf would have hit the dashboard with his face, were he not wearing his seatbelt.

 

Now Flynn felt genuinely furious. It was rare for him to feel like that - like he would definitely get violent if needed.

 

“Don’t you _fuckin’_ try to compare yourself to me. Yeah, Jenna and Chase fooled ya, but they still used you when it was convenient. Think I liked bein’ the asshole friend nobody likes? I tried to be a better guy, Leo. And I think I would have… had Syd not died. And, in the end, _I was fuckin’ right and you fuckin’ know it._ I bet ya didn’t give a shit about me. Just hurt over how that fuckin’ otter turned out to be a murderer. If I went up in flames, I think only Carl would piss on me to put out the fire.”

 

Leo’s ears drooped, but the wolf just frowned at what Flynn had said.

 

“Alright. _Pues…_ if you don’t want to like me, I‘ll stop. I can’t force you to be my friend. But… but it was you who messaged me first. I thought you’d like to be like back when we would both hang out with Carl. Remember that?”

 

Flynn sighed and decided to park his truck. He was in silence for a while, mulling over all Leo had said.

 

And it was true.

 

The gila still didn’t like apologies. Oh, he knew how to give them. But he had to admit it really did take his near-death and then being given a second chance by both his childhood friends and even strangers, despite all he had done.

 

As much as Leo had hurt him, Flynn knew he was being unfair. While Leo, unlike Flynn, did apologize in the past, the gila knew that, to have the wolf give a _sincere_ apology was a whole different matter.

 

“Yeah… heh, I remember. We’d just drink, watch him play games - or try to play them ourselves. Didn’t last long, but can’t complain.”

 

Flynn saw the sad smile on Leo’s muzzle.

 

_Ah, fuck it._

 

“Listen, Leo. It’s alright. Let’s just try to forget about all that shit. Let all of it rot in the cesspool that’s Echo.”

 

“Right.”

 

There fell into a brief silence.

 

“I was jealous of you.” The wolf suddenly said.

 

“Jealous? What the hell could ya possibly be jealous about?”

 

“For starters, I always thought you looked better,” Leo sighed and closed his eyes, leaning back against his seat. “I liked how smart you are. Or how you didn’t seem to care about what others thought about you. I even was jealous about how quickly you recovered after taking a beating. I… I wanted to protect my friends. Us. I just resented you too much and liked the others too much to realize you wanted to do the same with Sydney.”

 

At the mention of Sydney’s name, the gila felt many different emotions flash through his mind. Nostalgia, sorrow, anger, resentment.

 

Acceptance.

 

“Well, Carl used to say ‘shit’s broke’ in cases like this.”

 

“It works,” Leo offered.

 

Flynn thought about Sydney. He was sure the otter wouldn’t have wanted his former friends - he still saw Leo as a friend, as bizarre as it was - to be on bad terms.

 

And, to be fair, neither did the gila himself.

 

"Know," Leo spoke again, "I thought you weren't the kind for cuddling and all. I saw you and TJ today."

 

The lizard decided to shrug. "Maybe it takes saving my fuckin' life twice and likin' me for who I am helps. Maybe I've gone soft. I don't give a fuck."

 

"I see." Leo said and then looked deep in thought for a moment. "I'm glad you found someone, though. Just…" the wolf hesitated, "just don't fuck up like I did with Chase. You do that and I'll make that time in front of the diner when we were fifteen look like a friendly wrestle. I remember how you limped away."

 

Leo was silent for a moment again. "I want you two to succeed. Same how I wanna find someone who'll like me."

 

Flynn saw Leo's genuine concern. Deep down, he also hoped the wolf would find someone.

 

Though the only such people he knew that were available weren't up for a relationship. Maybe the dude from the mall book store who played on both teams would be looking for a long-term thing with a guy? Either way, Flynn would do what his boss did if it came to that: tell Leo about so and so and let the wolf do the rest.

 

He also finally decided address the wolf's boast.

 

“If ya think I’m good just to get up after a beatin,’ you haven’t seen a damn thing yet, trust me. Just wait ‘till we’re sparring.”

 

“Next Friday?” Leo asked, sounding genuinely apprehensive.

 

“Yeah. I’ll tell the old man to leave the ring for us.”

 

“Alright. But I think it won’t be much different than back then, _amigo.”_

 

Flynn snorted and turned the engine back on, deciding to wait until next Friday to show the wolf that - thankfully - they were not in Echo anymore.

 

But, for now, they needed to get the parts to fix their sink and stuff for Flynn’s strogonoff.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Shtar for spotting a typo! :3
> 
> Thanks to Dracoil for noticing an off order of events :3


	47. Prospects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We take a look at Leo and Chase having ideas about what to do with their lives during their usual routines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once more, I'd like to thank my bf for proofreading it for me ^^
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it. It is a mostly light-hearted chapter to bridge the story to its last third major arc.

**Prospects**

 

Time went by and Leo quickly set into his new routine: Get up early, freshen up, get dressed and go to work with Flynn.

 

In that meantime, the wolf did get a gun permit, but - as Flynn had warned - Luiz had been a little reluctant to let the wolf be an armed guard. While it peeved him a little, he at least got a small raise of about sixty dollars a month just to stay in the G.A.S. building and both watch over it and take care of its small fleet of vehicles.

 

Leo reflected on his new life and figured it could be worse. At least the _gordo_ seemed to realize that the wolf didn’t handle abuse that well and seemed to relax when working with the cars. The wolf closed the hood of the company’s second Charger and contemplated his handiwork. Like the first of them, he had fixed the high-mileage former cop car - Leo boasted that he could make them work _almost_ like new. And, when put to the test, he did follow through.

 

Earlier that day, Flynn had told him that the boss wanted to shoot a commercial for his company to air on local TV and that he would need Leo later that week to help with that. But what the tegu had in mind, not even Flynn could say.

 

His phone started ringing and he picked it up. It was Flynn.

 

_“Listen, Leo, I just got off from a call with the landlord and what I thought was gonna happen, happened.”_

 

“I thought we paid the rent?” Leo gestured with his free paw, as if the gila could somehow see him.

 

_“Yeah, well, it ain’t about that. It’s about overcrowding the apartment way past for what he’d be willing to accept. Fuckin’ prick - we pay everything on time, we fix all the shit that was supposed to be his fuckin’ business, but the asswipe still wanna bitch about this. We’ll talk with him when we get off from work.”_

 

“I could pay a little more from my share…” Leo started.

 

_“I tried suggesting that. The stubborn asshole won’t budge.”_

 

“Well, fuck,” said the wolf.

 

_“Pretty much what I thought. We’ll sort this shit out. I just called to tell ya.”_

 

Before Leo could say anything, Flynn hung up.

 

 _‘Tipico,’_ the wolf thought.

 

The rest of his day was spent trying to think what he would do if he needed to leave. Leo weighed his options; he could go back to Echo - but wouldn’t; he could ask Luiz for help - but he heard from Flynn what the flop house that the tegu could get on short notice was like, so he wouldn’t either.

 

Maybe he could see if he could do like the mall janitor and sleep in the mall. Nobody but the staff seemed to know (or complain) about the fact Clifford had adapted a large storage room by the boiler into a small bedroom. It meant he got a little extra for being always ‘on hand’ for work, he could use the mall’s own facilities to do his necessities and shower, and kept the night shift guy some company - even though Leo had learned that Liao didn’t seem fond of talking - the cobra would hang around them when they were just drinking beer and chatting after training, but he would spend it quiet and even a little further away from the group.

 

That reminded Leo that he and Flynn would be sparring soon. They didn’t end up doing that the past chance they had - Leo was too tired and sore from both working and exercising. But it was good, the wolf felt his body getting back into shape.

 

He looked at his reflection on the windshield of the late-90s GO-4 that used to belong to the local police, now just doing rounds at the mall when the golf cart was unavailable. It was parked there now, and would likely be sent to help roam Pueblo Airport, aiding the guards there by giving them a little extra mobility.

 

The wolf that was reflected on the windshield still had quite a bit of fat, but Leo thought he was still handsome. Besides, he didn’t think fat immediately made someone look ugly. All in all, he wasn’t so bad.

 

With sigh, Leo decided to go wash his paws and get back to his place watching over the building. He realized months ago that it wasn’t his appearance that drove Chase away.

 

The rest of his day took forever to end, likely because nothing more had happened. Meanwhile, Leo just worried about what would happen at their talk with their landlord.

 

Evening eventually came and, six hours after the call from Flynn, he found himself sitting by the gila’s side in the small administrative office used by their superintendent, his seat now occupied by an anteater named Jeffrey Bronson.

 

It was a pretty small office, but somewhat neatly organized, despite the lack of proper filing drawers for the older documents - which were tied in bundles per year and piled up in a corner. They sat on cheap plastic chairs while the landlord took the superintendent’s office chair. The only decorative item in the office was a small potted plant at the corner of the table. It was well cared for and, alongside the simple organization of the room, showed the superintendent's eye for detail with nothing out of its place - was that attention to detail what most likely allowed him to notice Leo, considering Mr. Bronson rarely stepped in the Absynthe Apartments.

 

The anteater was straight to the point: Flynn being there had already started a small bit of a problem that they solved in their next contract, once it was declared he and one of the original tenants were a couple (Leo could swear the man flashed a brief expression of disapproval at that). But Leo’s presence really pushed the landlord’s ability to turn a blind eye past its limit.

 

Leo considered lying and saying he was Jenna’s partner, but he doubted the fennec would go with it - and he frankly didn’t want to put up that charade with her, of all people. Flynn and him already had that talk before going to meet Mr. Bronson.

 

“Mister Bronson,” Flynn started, “in the past years, we never delayed rent. Not even once. Even when we negotiated a small increase so I could remain in the apartment. Why don’t we-”

 

“We already discussed that one the phone, Moore. If I make an exception for you, the entire place will start doing the same. I’m sorry, but the answer is ‘no.’”

 

“But I have nowhere else to go! _¡Puchica!_ I even fixed the sink on my own dollar!” Leo said, his voice raising in the end.

 

Mr. Bronson sighed. “Look, I know. And I’m grateful, really. I’ll even let that be discounted from your rent this month - provided you show me the receipt for the expenses. But there’s nothing I can do. You will have to move out, Alvarez.”

 

Leo was about to say something, but Flynn beat him to it:

 

“If I were ya, I’d think very carefully before I did somethin’ stupid.”

 

“What do you mean, Moore?” The landlord seemed taken aback by the threat.

 

“Kickin’ out a Latino, legal immigrant on the streets, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. Lettin’ him be a homeless man, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. Your face all over the Pueblo Chief and local news, and two hundred of these fuckers picketing in front of this place, signs and all, that’s what I’m talkin’ about!” Flynn sounded genuinely angry. Leo looked at the gila with surprise.

 

“What? No! No, I have nothing against your people!” The anteater raised his paws in a defensive manner.

 

“‘You people’?” Flynn said and looked at Leo, one eye-ridge raised. The wolf felt the gila’s tail tapping on his leg. “Did ya hear it? ‘You people’?”

 

Leo instantly understood. He turned back to the landlord and put on a scowl. “‘You people’? What the _fuck_ are ‘us people,’ supposed to be, _gringo?”_

 

Now the landlord’s eyes shot wide open like saucers. He immediately waved his paws in innocence. “No! No! You got me all wrong, I…”

 

Mr. Bronson slumped in his chair with a sigh. “Look, let’s… let’s just forget about all this talk and pretend this never happened, alright?”

 

Leo and Flynn looked at each other. “Yeah,” Flynn said.

 

The wolf fought the urge to laugh. “Yeah… _si_ , alright. That’s better.”

 

Without waiting for an answer, Leo still held a brief glare to the landlord, then got up and left.

 

“I used to think you were a nice man, Jeffrey. You fucked up big time,” Leo heard Flynn saying, before the gila also walked out.

 

They closed the door and left the main building, making their way to their own apartment ne, the seventh out of eight equal buildings surrounding the ninth main one - the office - in the middle.

 

Despite the approaching summer, it was still a relatively cold night in Pueblo. It meant they also could see the dark night’s sky perfectly, covering them like a black ceiling with tiny dots of blue lights here and there. The crescent moon - almost full - also helped pick up the slack from where the few light poles couldn’t light up the small concrete path where they walked. Crickets chirped all around them, but still practically unseen - as if the night itself made that melody around them. 

 

It was the only thing that could be heard by both young men other than the sounds of them walking and the occasional car passing by in the distance.

 

Leo remembered when he and Chase would sit down on his porch, drink and chat while letting the cacophony of sounds made by the crickets serenade them.

 

He decided to try and think of something else, turning to look at Flynn.

 

“Where did you get that from?” Leo asked.

 

“Hm? Well, the old man. He said I should play dirty when losing. Damn shame I didn’t know that a few years ago.”

 

“Yeah… my _cojones_ would be in much worse shape…” Leo agreed reluctantly, knowing what Flynn talked about, “still, thanks.”

 

The gila shrugged. “Despite everything, you’re alright, I guess. Besides, I know what it’s like to be thrown out on the streets.”

 

“I see that it changed you. I mean, it did and yet you’re still the same. I don’t know. Even in my language, I wouldn’t know how to describe it,” Leo said.

 

“I suppose some bad shit happens to us and we can learn from them. Not the near-death part, but the extreme poverty. It helped me. Made me see how much I owed to my aunt. For the first time in my fuckin’ life, I had to build myself back up from nothing. And I still had to do it with help.”

 

“You’re right,” was all Leo could say to that.

 

His mind went back with how things were with Chase before the otter left. Their relationship was still going bust. While Leo was possessive and even controlling, he knew it was Chase - and Jenna’s - own fault for some of the things that happened near the end.

 

 _‘Jenna…’_ Leo thought. He didn’t hate the fennec. He just felt hurt for her little prank.

 

She and him never saw eye to eye that much, even if it was convenient for her to have Leo around back when Sydney was alive. They didn’t talk much now, but the wolf preferred it like that.

 

Last thing he wanted to do is to be like a plunger and bring up old shit. He looked down at his paw, seeing his new ring - a reminder that, from now on, his future was what matters.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Chase was surprised when he got an answer early - usually, it took six months _at least_ to get approved or denied.

 

And, unsurprisingly, he had not been approved for publication. However, whoever read his article decided to attach a note with what the reviewers thought of his writing - including what he could change for the better.

 

The person who read it also noticed that Chase had recently pestered all major publications that dealt with archeological expeditions around the world for a job. Of course, the otter did not recall doing that, but he suspected who had been using his name to do that.

 

And it turned out a team was in need for someone to come with them. Chase had received an invitation to go with the team to a place in Africa where the land of Nubia used to be - currently, the northern part of Sudan - in order record and write down all about their discovery of an Ancient Egyptian fortress partially buried in the mountains, with what could be the few relatively preserved accounts of a little-known pharaoh of the second dynasty named Neferu, during his campaign to expand the borders of Egypt southwards.

 

Chase had heard a little about the man. He was yet another one of these historical characters that supposedly were homosexual, despite how much the archeologists would throw a hissy fit whenever that was mentioned and say that it was normal and ceremonial for two men to make out while groping each other’s crotches or something like that.

 

While Chase, by now, could safely say that he wasn’t into guys - he was once upon a time, back when he was just a spectator of his own life - he still wasn’t fond of that hypocrisy.

 

So, even though he was halfway convinced to go with the expedition - or at least offer his services - but was even more fascinated when he noticed it was headed and financed by up-and-coming archeologist and historian Marco Howell. He had already done some work on Roman and Greek digs and publicly challenged the more old-guard Archeology and their conceptions, despite all accounts Chase had read about him portraying him as somewhat shy-ish and introverted.

 

Chase gave it a lot of thought, but finally decided to write to the team to let them know he was available.

 

He knew it was a big risk, but still, what he had to lose?

  
  


_To:_ [ _howell@adstramail.com_ ](mailto:howell@adstramail.com)

_From:_ [ _chunter@wohoo.com_ ](mailto:chunter@wohoo.com)

 

_Subject: Thank you for the opportunity!_

 

_I know that it might sound strange that I’m writing to you like that out of the blue, but I still want to thank you so much for even considering my application._

 

_You see, I always wanted to study History, but ended up taking Journalism. Truth be told, even after that, I wish I could at least be writing for History-centered publications. Or follow an archeology expedition while reporting on their findings._

 

_And especially one like yours. Usually, most Historians still think with a more Victorian-like mindset (at least, when it comes to a few prejudices). At least, it is how they come across when staunchly trying to fit anything with the mostly Western perspective. I really enjoyed reading your paper on Emperor Amicus the First back in 2014 when you published it. The man was way ahead of his time._

 

_So, I have to say again, it is a great honor to even be considered by you and your team. I know you are a busy man, so, I will just end this message here._

 

_With warm regards,_

 

_Chase Hunter_

  
  


And he sent it. Now all he could do would be to wait.

 

The rest of the day was pretty much the usual routine: Chase spent most of it editing other people’s works for a pittance and sometimes browsing the web. All of that with pauses to go outside and smoke (despite his mother’s disapproval) or go to the bathroom.

 

Despite having grown closer to his parents, the otter still felt awkward near them. He knew they likely saw him as someone broken and defective. He also knew that Mrs. Hess still talked with his mom - and that scared him.

 

_After all, who knows what TJ told his old folks?_

 

So, they ate mostly in silence. Chase ate mechanically - simply to keep himself alive rather than genuine hunger or even gusto for his mother’s nice casserole.

 

After they were done, Chase did the dishes and went upstairs. He had left his phone in his bedroom, as who would talk to him anyway?

 

It was when he took a seat on his faded, blue computer chair, that the otter noticed someone responded to his email.

 

It was Marco Howell.

 

Chase’s heart started beating faster with anxiety and he opened it:

  
  


_To:_ [ _chunter@wohoo.com_ ](mailto:chunter@wohoo.com)

_From:_ [ _howell@adstramail.com_ ](mailto:howell@adstramail.com)

 

_Subject: re:Thank you for the opportunity!_

 

_Mister Chase Hunter, it flatters me that you have been following my work since my first publication on my findings about Emperor Amicus._

 

_I will get straight to the point: The pay won’t be very much - about 80 dollars a day and we’re going to remain in Sudan for at least two weeks. However, since it was my team that discovered the buried fortress, we will likely get more prestige from it. I would like to see this first job as a trial period._

 

_Depending how it goes, we might get more funding in future expeditions and, if things work out, not only you can remain on the crew, but earn more. You may even make your name known among our community._

 

_If you want to join us, we will be in Denver assembling the team and introducing the new members to the old ones and to our financial backer. You can come on the 10th of May to the Maitland Convention Center, 9AM sharp, and we’ll get acquainted._

 

_With my warmest regards._

 

_Marco Howell._

  
  


Chase was speechless. He quickly got up from his chair again and left his bedroom to go downstairs in a hurry.

 

“Mom, think my passport is still valid?”

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


The first Friday of May was hot _and_ sunny, with no clouds in the sky. A typical day in a desert city during the spring. Leo wiped some sweat off his brow and contemplated his work.

 

When they arrived, Luiz informed the wolf, Flynn and Angelo that they would have the day off just to shoot the commercial of their company. Eleanor was there and the goat helped Leo remove the seats and the engine from one of the company’s Chargers.

 

He had just finished helping her place the engine block down over a tarp, a little further from where the camera was, and Angelo and Luiz started pushing the lighter vehicle away.

 

“You’re pretty good!” Eleanor said, cleaning her paws with a rag. She had taken off her jacket and hung it on the handles of her motorcycle. Now that he could see her without her trademark leather jacket, Leo could see just how bulky she was. That woman must really like doing her press-ups.

 

She also smelled almost as much as Carl, only that instead of weed, her musk also combined with a distinct cigar smell. But the wolf was used to worse.

 

“Thanks,” Leo said, going to get his uniform shirt from the other side of the bike’s handles and put it back on.

 

“I’m serious! Who taught you to work like that?”

 

“My father. He’s a mechanic. I helped him since I was a kid,” Leo responded as he buttoned his shirt back up. They could hear the tegu talking at a distance, likely shooting the aforementioned commercial.

 

“You should think ‘bout workin’ with that someday. Maybe we could see into it - I mean, my work pays well and all, but with CGI, there’s a lot of free time for me and I like to keep my paws busy.”

 

Leo stopped in the middle of tucking his shirt back in his pants and looked at her. “Sounds good. What do you have in mind?”

 

“Not sure myself,” the goat shrugged apologetically, “maybe restorin’ old vehicles, or somethin’ like that. We could work with heavier machinery. It’s just a few ideas that’ve been on my mind for a while. I ain’t that reliable when it comes to managin’ a business like my brothers - I’m more of a blue-collar gal myself.”

 

“Ah. I see,” the wolf deflated a little. He couldn’t think of anything besides plain, old, boring mechanic jobs. Then again, they could do just that and add a sign reading ‘we do restorations’ or something.

 

“Leo, com’ere!” Leo heard his boss calling for him.

 

“Gotta go.”

 

Eleanor shrugged and started messing with her phone. “Good luck. I know why we cleaned that car up. Won’t make it easier for what Uncle Luiz has in mind for ya.”

 

Leo walked to where Flynn and the middle-aged lizard stood, in front of the camera (that had been turned off, the operator looking hopelessly bored), and could hear they were arguing.

 

“No fuckin’ way, Luiz! We can’t do that!”

 

“Of course we can! Angelo and I once did it with the backside for a few seconds. And it had everythin’ in it. We still did it!”

 

“It _was_ for just a _few_ seconds, Luiz.” Angelo said.

 

“Yeah, but that ain’t the same thing. You did for a few seconds in one place. We can’t all four do it on the go.” Flynn looked straight at Leo when he approached.

 

“Uh, everything okay?” Leo’s ears lowered a little. Same as his tail. He didn’t want to get caught in someone else’s quarrel.

 

Especially with the _jefe._

 

When Flynn told him what the tegu had in mind, Leo stared at their boss with disbelief.

 

“I have to agree with Flynn: I don’t think we can do it.”

 

“I’ll give ya the rest of the day off and another day off of your choosing come next month.” The tegu grinned. “I wanna do it because it’ll be memorable and it’ll show our manly power!”

 

The tegu flexed for them after he said it. While it did impress Leo that he had quite a bit of muscle beneath the blubber, the wolf still didn’t think that what they were about to do was a good idea.

 

Especially in front of a camera.

 

“Ey, buddy, I gotta wrap this up in fifteen minutes!” The cameraman said.

 

The tegu sighed and looked down, almost like a kid after a bad school day. Leo had seen this kind of look on each of his friends before - and was sure he held it himself.

 

“Fine… do as you want.” Luiz mumbled.

 

Flynn rolled his eyes. “Look, old man, it ain’t that I don’t like the idea. I’m just worried about us here. I don’t want us to get fucked for a stupid ad.”

 

“Alright…” the tegu sighed.

 

They remained there in silence and the camera eventually grunted and seemed to be about to pack his things. Leo and Flynn looked at each other, then at Angelo.

 

The massive elephant seemed to be troubled by what was happening. His ears flapped slowly for him to cool down under the heat. Flynn, on the other hand, had a look that Leo knew meant ‘I went a bit too far,’ - it was that attempt to put on a grumpy face after he had been rude to a point even he would acknowledge he was in the wrong.

 

Eventually, the gila looked at the camera man and sighed. “Alright, get ready to record the last scene. I’ll do it. I hate you so fuckin’ much, old man.”

 

Luiz was still looking down and just said a ‘hm’ in response.

 

“Count me in. I could use the day off anyway,” said Angelo.

 

Now the gila and the elephant looked at Leo.

 

 _“¡Puchica!_ Alright. Let’s do it.”

 

Instantly, the tegu looked up with a broad grin that reminded Leo of Carl. Flynn looked at the wolf and mumbled ‘can ya believe this shit?’ at that.

 

“Alright, everyone. Leo, you stay here. Angelo, you stay in the back since you’re taller, on Leo’s side. Flynn, stay opposite to Angelo, behind me.”

 

The cameraman, a prairie dog, threw his paws up. “Hallelujah! Finally!”

 

The tegu started saying his last lines to the camera after a few minutes for them to get ready and Leo braced himself for what they were about to do.

 

Later that day, Leo found himself groaning on the couch. Most of his body hurt - especially thighs, lower back, arms and hands.

 

Of course, Flynn wasn’t in any better shape. Even Angelo complained when they were done. The tegu had stood still with his hands on his waist when they were finished, with a stupid grin on his face.

 

Only when Flynn asked him if he was proud of himself, panting and sweating, the tegu said between his teeth that it wasn’t a grin - he was trying to brace through his own back pain enough to walk again.

 

So, now, they sat on the futon and waited for the time the commercial was aired. It would be that night, after the local news. Leo groaned as he stretched his legs again.

 

“Don’t be a whiny bitch, Leo. It ain’t that bad,” Flynn said right by his side. TJ had been massaging his shoulders now. Once the lynx got home, he took Flynn to their room and apparently did a more ‘through’ massage on the lizard.

 

Leo sighed, his ears lowering. He wished he had someone to do that to him.

 

He tried to shift his thoughts away from his loneliness. He still had his friends and he might have made a new one that day. After they filmed the commercial, he helped Eleanor with the Dodge Charger. He couldn’t lift as much weight, but other guards at the building helped them.

 

“Here it goes. Get ready for the shit show” Flynn said.

 

Jenna had been chatting with that girl from Pennsylvania on her phone, but now she put it down and pulled her chair closer to the futon, while TJ took his seat between Flynn and Leo as they watched the TV.

 

It started with their boss in the parking lot, smiling, looking at the camera.

 

_“Are you tired of people entering your property? Are you tired of being afraid whenever you’re opening or closing your business? Are you in need of someone to keep junkies and squatters away from your abandoned property? Well, here at Guardian Angels Security, we offer these services and more!”_

 

As he spoke, images appeared showing other guards in the company pretending to be wrongdoers, doing everything he described. Leo had to admit Flynn made the most unconvincing drug dealer he had ever seen.

 

It was a pity TJ wasn’t free. Otherwise, Leo would have told Flynn to see if they could cast him as a thug. That would be funny.

 

_“And if you’re unemployed, but ‘cause you only finished high-school, then you’re in luck: We’re hiring! Yes! You don’t need to be a genius scientist or lawyer to get a job in here! Handicapped? No problem! We can always find a job suitable to your disabilities! Veterans and former police officers are always welcome! So come and work with us! And you’ll go from this-”_

 

A picture of two lizards, one wolf and one elephant that slumped and looked weak appeared. And the four ‘actors’ - hobos from around the town - didn’t even remotely look like the four of them. The one that was supposed to be Flynn wasn’t even a male!

 

_“-To this! NNNG!”_

 

The tegu had walked to the patrol car they had removed the seats and engine and, together with Leo, Flynn and Angelo, lifted it up by reaching beneath the fenders and carried it a short distance to be parked next to the other company vehicles. It was clear they edited out their groans. It was still clear they were all doing their best to not look hurt (Leo had to admit he had a funny expression, as if he had been kicked in the _cojones)._ Angelo was opening and closing his fists while looking down at his paws and Flynn had put on such a grimace that it looked like he had been constipated for a week.

 

The commercial ended and, after a brief moment of stunned silence, Jenna’s laughter brought Leo back to reality.

 

“That’s so corny!” She said between giggles.

 

“Woah! I didn’t know you could do that!” TJ looked at Flynn with his blue eyes wide open, like a child, then at Leo, but then his gaze returned and remained on Flynn.

 

The gila shrugged. “We’ve been workin’ out.”

 

“Yeah, well, Eleanor and I removed the engine and the seats.”

 

“Oh,” the lynx said, then he seemed a little sheepish, like a kid that who just got told he couldn’t fly in their cardboard spaceship.

 

The wolf sighed and decided to still take pride in what they did. “Still, that engine block was a L Hemi V8, these weigh about…  three-hundred and fifty or eighty kilos or something. With the seats off, I think we still lifted one ton between all of us.”

 

TJ perked up again. “Really? Woah…”

 

“Listen, Leo,” Flynn said and sighed, “I can share my painkillers with ya.”

 

“Thanks,” the wolf was genuinely grateful.

 

“I could see if you tore a muscle, too. Will you guys work tomorrow?”

 

“No…” Flynn answered for them, “the old man saw how we were all movin’ like damn zombies and decided that we suffered enough. Why’d ya think I got Jenna to pick you up after your class?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, that’s good. It wouldn’t do good for any of you to push your damaged muscles now.”

 

Leo found interesting when Teej spoke like that. It wasn’t TJ, their childhood friend - but instead, Tobias, the physiotherapist speaking.

 

Sometimes, the wolf would still think of him as that little coy kid that went to Jenna or - sometimes - Chase and him for protection from Flynn and Sydney. It was in these moments that Leo would notice just how stupid they all had been in the past, when he saw how close they could be.

 

He hoped he would find someone that would look at him the way Flynn and TJ looked at each other. The gila had been smiling more, and Leo even once or twice caught him listening to music - to which Flynn would just glare at him and the wolf would pretend to not notice it.

 

There was one person he still didn’t quite get along with. The wolf looked at Jenna, who had gone back to typing on her phone.

 

He wanted to talk to her. The moment would be now, before he lost his nerve.

 

Grunting when his back stung in pain again, Leo shifted so he could pick his own phone from his pocket and scrolled through his contacts.

 

Leo hesitated, then typed his request:

 

_Para: Flynn_

_Hey, Flynn, can u do me a favor? I need to talk alone with Jenna :/_

 

He saw Flynn raising his ridges at his phone buzzing and shift so he could get it from his pocket. The lizard read it, then looked at Leo with surprise, before typing his answer:

 

_De: Flynn_

_What happened? Are you playing on the other team now? You must be fucking desperate._

 

The wolf sighed. Just like Flynn to be an asshole and make fun of him. Leo knew that Flynn knew he wanted to settle an old score.

 

_Para: Flynn_

_i’m not joking_

 

_De: Flynn_

_Don’t start shit now, Leo. I’m not bailing you out this time._

 

_Para: Flynn_

_i just wanna talk. i promise._

 

_De: Flynn_

_It’s your funeral._

 

Leo sighed and steeled himself when he saw Flynn tap TJ’s shoulder. The lynx knew something was up, but Flynn reached over to TJ’s left ear and whispered something.

 

The smaller male yawned and stretched. “I think I’ll call it a night.”

 

“Alright. I’ll go with ya.” Flynn said. They wished Jenna and Leo a good night and went to their bedroom.

 

Jenna was still looking at her phone, scrolling at something. Leo tried to think on what to say.

 

In the end, it only came out in one word:

 

“Why?”

 

“Hm?” Jenna’s ears briefly flicked, and she looked up at him with one raised eyebrow.

 

“Why did you always try to mess with me and Chase…? I know I could’ve been better, but, ah… I still didn’t deserve what you did. All the japes and the pranks - the last one, before you two left. Why’d you do it?”

 

The fennec put her phone down and took a deep breath, then exhaled and shrugged. “I thought it’d be funny at the time. Chase was okay with the idea.”

 

The wolf’s ears lowered and he looked down at the faded futon. “I protected you all. I did my best. I helped you with TJ-”

 

“I know, Leo. That didn’t mean you weren’t a bit of a prick sometimes.”

 

Leo shook his head. “So what? So were you. I still loved him, Jenna. I still hurt. _Did you think I couldn’t feel?”_ Much to his surprise, Jenna didn’t protest for once.

 

Her ears flicked again, and the fennec looked down. She seemed sad.

 

“I was jealous of you, Leo. I… I loved Chase. I knew the day you were coming that we’d be having this talk.”

 

Leo wondered if that meant she had rehearsed an answer.

 

“You weren’t a good boyfriend. Yes, it was good you were close, but you were also clingy and controlling. I worried Flynn and TJ would end up like that, but they know when to give each other space. But I digress… I wanted Chase. And… once upon a time, I thought I was justified in doing whatever it took to get him apart whom I saw as a toxic boyfriend.”

 

The words hurt. Leo, deep down, knew that it had always been the case.

 

But even though it hurt, he needed to hear that from Jenna.

 

“I was always a little unfettered. You know where I came from. What it was like. I think… I think maybe I’d still feel a little justified in what I did had our stay at Echo gone without a hitch.”

 

“So now that the otter is a…” Leo hesitated, “after what Chase did back then, you gave up?”

 

“It’s not that. It’s what TJ told me about how things went down. It’s what Flynn was like when we saw him at the hospital. Then I had to work in counseling to make ends meet… I learned a lot from that. I hated that job, but I learned from it.”

 

“I see…” Leo didn’t know what to say to that.

 

In fact, Leo didn’t know what he would do now. He already asked why and got his answer. Now what?

 

“This is why I… I think I owe you an apology, Leo.” Jenna still looked down, but the wolf could see the tears welling up in her eyes, but she never shed any. “We both wanted someone who… maybe wasn’t even who we thought he was. In a way… it’s good for us things didn’t work as we wanted. At least, it’s how I like to think.”

 

“Yeah…” Leo sighed and leaned back against the futon’s backrest, ignoring the pain on his lower back and shoulders. “I’m sorry for the times I was a prick to you too, Jenna. Even if they were few and far in between…”

 

“Heh,” Jenna looked up, now she held an amused grin. “don’t you think that I’m going to be like this with you all the time. We just needed to have this talk.”

 

“It’s alright. Yeah…”

 

They went silent for a few minutes, only the TV sounds filling the void left by their silence once the conversation died.

 

At some point, Jenna picked her phone back up and continued checking whatever she had been scrolling through before.

 

“Know… after I saw how things went to hell, I wanted to change myself. I saw where you all went… and that I wasn’t gonna nowhere… I thought it was maybe my turn to try and - what’s it said? ‘Turn a new leaf’?”

 

“Yeah. And it’s good that you decided to do that. For you and for us.” Jenna got up and smiled down at him. “It’s good to have you back, Leo. Good night.”

 

“Good night, Jenna.”

 

The vixen then left the wolf alone in the living room. Leo would watch some TV still and then unfold the futon into a bed so he could sleep.

 

The wolf looked forward for telling Eleanor his less-ambitious, but more realistic idea. Maybe he could ask her number from Carl. Or find her through Muzzlebook.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


10th of May came. Chase felt a little nervous as he stepped into the Convention Center. He had taken the bus to Denver, since his parents were short on gas money - yet one more reason why he hoped he would get along with the young archeologist.

 

Chase had even trimmed his beard to look nice, and not like a mental patient.

 

_Which he was._

 

Once more, despite everything, his parents supported him. They were the ones who paid for the bus trip, after all. If it worked out, then Chase would be leaving the country for Sudan by the middle of next week. Chase had selected quite a few pictures he had taken and articles he had written while in college (as well as his one about Echo - after revising it, of course) to show his potential employer.

 

He crossed the threshold into the sparsely occupied convention hall. There, he noticed a few notorious figures from Colorado, a few Middle-Eastern people mingling with them.

 

And, talking to a platypus with an Australian accent, stood an otter that couldn’t be much older than Flynn.

 

Marco Howell saw Chase and smiled. He approached the fellow mustelid with long steps and energetically shook paws.

 

“Marco Howell, but I think you knew that. You’re Chase Hunter, right?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Good. Let’s talk a little. Consider it your job interview.”

 

The man had a very nice demeanor about him. As the questions came - and not all of them job-related - Chase felt more optimistic. Eventually, Howell talked about the nature of his work:

 

“I rarely stay in one place,” Howell said, “I was always curious and restless as a kid. And since I always liked going to new places and getting to know their history… I feel like my job’s a vacation when I’m actually doing it. These parts… well, when I need to get sponsors, write, talk to others and such, these are what really feel like an actual job. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind all of it. But it’s going to be nice having someone who can do all the writing and editing of what we go through, leaving me more time to focus on my work. For now, it’s me, my cousin Lisa, that bull over there is Robert, the boa is Katya, and the platypus is Lawrence. I’ll introduce them to you as soon as you finish showing me your work.”

 

Even though Chase brought the best of the best that he (well, not just _him,_ but nobody needed to know it) had written and his best photographies, it still came to a shock to the otter when the young archeologist said four words:

 

“You got the job.”

 

Chase then knew how a phoenix felt when emerging from the ashes.

 

 

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The Hunter Household

 

 


End file.
